*********************************TRApPeD************************************
Twenty: When It Settles
By Annie
2003-04-15
****************************************************************************
Day Thirteen.
7.05 a.m.
Buffy watched the rather stupefying cartoon moving on the TV-screen. A bird making funny noises kept escaping a coyote that insistently pursued setting traps to ensnare or preferably kill it. She blinked. No, she wouldn't even pretend to acknowledge the analogy her head immediately made to the scenario.
Last night had been...last night. Today was a whole new day and she'd... keep trying to figure out exactly what she should do while she watched the coyote now dropping a huge wrecking-ball of some sort, in a ridiculously thin rope, from a board spanned over two sides of a steep valley. It was aimed to hit the approaching bird, which stopped short just a mere inch away from the spot where it would actually have been hit and the wrecking ball made a loop, coming back to hit the coyote hard over the head instead. Actually making the poor animal stick to it...
"That would never happen," she muttered, thinking of how The Coyote would probably just have ducked under its ugly, leather coat and slithered away...to conjure up some other way to get rid of the smart, fast, pretty and clever bird.
"Well, no, Buff," Willow replied. "That's why they call them cartoons - not documentaries," she added, turning her eyes from the screen and into her friend's with a meaningful look and Buffy sighed.
Anya - seated between the two on the sofa-bed - listened to the exchange and then joined the other two in turning their heads to the side of the TV as Giles came through the improvised wall located there - constructed out of blankets - separating the boys from the girls. He didn't look too keen.
"Must we have the noise? My head is splitting," he grumbled, turning the TV off and Willow smirked.
"Well, look who's Cranky Bear in the morning," she remarked wryly and he sighed, stopping as he was about to walk through the blankets again to turn back to them as he replied:
"Yes, well, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball."
"Every time you moved it made squeaky noises," Anya remarked. "It was irritating," she added.
"Really?" he inquired. "I'm surprised you could hear it over your Vargnerian snoring."
"Okay, you guys! Could we not, please?" Buffy interrupted the bickering and they both cooled down as she added: "Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing Scenes From My Parents Marriage."
"Sorry," Anya apologized, voice low and looking rather sheepish.
"Sorry," Giles muttered back, disappearing through the blankets.
"Thank you," Buffy said, gratefully, and Willow looked at her for a moment before saying:
"It'll be okay, Buffy. Riley's just confused, that's all."
Buffy felt a twitch near her heart at that, then she smiled a small smile.
"I don't think so," she then replied.
After all, what was there to be confused about...? She felt so awful. She never would have hurt him like that unless Spike had gotten her all wound up and angry! Stupid bleach-head! It was all his fault!
"Of course that's how it is!" Willow assured, making Buffy pause as she had to remind herself that no, Willow hadn't just read her thoughts but was referring to the remaining topic of Riley, plus being seemingly set on supportive-friend mode. If she had only known. "I'm sure when he sees you it'll just... you know, boil over. He's in love with you! Then - what you do is - you forgive."
Buffy swallowed, her smile growing stale.
"Yeah. Right. Forgiveness. Big part of the relationship bit," she murmured, looking down on the green blanket splayed over her and Willow frowned.
"Is something bothering you?" she then asked and Buffy looked up, adopting an innocent expression.
"Why do you think something's bothering me?" she asked back and Willow raised her eyebrows.
"I dunno, the way you act? You're here and still you're not... What's on your mind, Buffy? I can tell it's not Riley 'cause the way you looked a week ago isn't how you look now. You don't have that starry eyed, floating- on-top-of-the-clouds look," she stated and Buffy bit her jaws together, sinking down slightly where she sat.
How had it come to this? A week ago...well, more like two weeks to her...she had been enjoying the fact that she was falling in love with a great guy. A human, pulse-possessing, all be it not completely average, yet very regular guy. And now...? She wasn't even sure anymore! How was that possible? She wasn't falling out of love, was she? That couldn't be! It was too new; to already be able to just break away from it seemed unthinkable.
"Hello?" Anya sing-songed and Buffy pulled out of her musings to look at her two friends.
"Sorry," she mumbled. "I'm just... I don't know. Riley's whole world's just...falling apart," she added, growing self-conscious.
"Yeah, and with everything you went through with Angel," Anya chimed in. "You know, you really should get yourself a BORING boyfriend. Like Xander... You can't have Xander," she then added and stated, causing Buffy to smile slightly.
"That was the idea," she then agreed. "Riley was supposed to be mister Joe guy... Guess I'm not supposed to have one of those," she then muttered.
"Oh, no, Buffy," Willow disagreed. "Don't think like that. You'll... work things out," she once more put on the optimism-cap and Buffy met her gaze for a few seconds before she slowly replied:
"I'm not all that sure, Will. Things just aren't always as they seem and now... thing's 've changed."
Willow eyed her closely for a few dragged out seconds before remarking:
"You're so making no sense right now," and Buffy smiled meekly.
"Nothing makes any sense anymore," she then replied.
"So dump him," Anya spoke up, turning a warning gaze into the Slayer's as she added: "But you can't-have-Xander."
"I'll try and remember that," Buffy promised, closing her eyes and sinking back against the pillows.
And I don't think the decision of stay-together-or-no is up to me, she thought to herself. If there even is a question of that anymore...
And if he'd be willing to forgive, Buffy - what then? Is his forgiveness what you want?
She opened her eyes at that, staring up into the ceiling with a sinking feeling in her chest.
Of course it is, she then thought. I'll beg for it. I will.
Xander interrupted her thoughts by practically yelling for them to turn on the TV.
***
12.12 p.m.
Buffy slowly approached the place where the female news reporter had stated the body of a young boy had been found that very morning. Police cars and an ambulance cluttered the scene and she felt her heart beat heavily in her chest. With the guilt she felt as the Polgara demon for certain had been looking for her, and at the thought that what she considered her own sloppiness had caused the incident to ever take place.
A sloppiness that - if she hadn't let it slide, if she had listened to Giles' advice to be certain of what she was getting herself into when she grew more involved with the Initiative - wouldn't have been allowed to cloud her judgment. Concerning Maggie Walsh, concerning what the Initiative could possibly want with a live Polgara as apposed to a very much slain one. She felt like a fool.
She watched the ambulance crew as they worked and then she shook her head to herself. She felt alone, more than ever, and it was a burden around her neck as her heart seemed torn in two. One half instructed her to get her head back on straight and not let something so trivial as a few indiscretions ruin a future she knew she might still have with Riley. The other half merely laughed at that. Laughed so hard she thought she could feel it spill tears of blood into her veins and then - to prove its point - it merely produced the sensation of this blue-eyed demon's hands, his mouth, his body and being... How could something so wrong feel so right? When he touched her...
Demon. Demon, demon.
But sometimes the way he eyed her made her come close to blushing. His gaze could be much to gentle for a creature such as him, too inquisitive, too personal. And at times he brushed his lips against her as though he...felt more, needed more from her, had to dig deeper until he could grasp the same craving within her and pull it to the surface. He was hungry, eager, and yet tentative... No matter how hard he had tried to act as though he wasn't she had noticed how carefully he made sure that he gave as much as he took; that she received as much pleasure as she...
Buffy, she interrupted her thoughts. Focus on something else. Please!
She sighed.
What was she even thinking?
Turning - concluding that there was nothing for her at the site for now - she stopped short as she faced...
"Riley," she breathed and he observed her in tight silence before he nodded stiffly.
"Buffy," he then greeted.
"I saw - on the news..." she mumbled, gesturing to the spot behind her and he nodded again.
"I figured."
"The...the Polgara?" she asked, meeting his gaze hesitantly and he lifted one shoulder in a small shrug.
"We're not sure yet," he replied.
"Riley, I'm SO..."
"Listen, for now, let's not talk anything but work. We're both professionals, let's keep it at that," he interrupted her coldly and she frowned slightly before she nodded.
"All right," she agreed. "Well, the Polgara had the sort of skewer they mentioned. And..."
"Maggie's dead," he stated and she completely lost her track as she gaped up at him. "Happy now?" he added, looking away from her and she frowned deeper this time.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked. "How can you even ask me that?"
"She had it in for you. You're not relieved one more threat's off your back? Oh, right... that's where you prefer them," he shot and she blinked, taken off guard by his crudity.
"I guess I deserved that," she said, voice lowered. "And I have no defense so give me your best shot. But as you said - professionals," she added and he clenched his jaws together as he looked down at her. "It was the Polgara, wasn't it?" she asked and he seemed to give it some thought before he granted her a small nod as a reply. "I'm gonna find it," she stated. "I'm gonna find it, I'm gonna destroy it... and then you can stop asking me how 'happy' all this death makes me," she finished, giving him a hard look before she brushed passed him.
"Are you falling for him, Buffy?" he asked and she stopped, turning partially back to him with a rather shocked expression on her face. "Are we over?" he then added.
She stared at him for what seemed like a month cramped into a long moment before she answered:
"I don't know."
Turning away from him and continuing on her way he watched her as she went - wondering which question she had answered.
***
5.17 p.m.
She wasn't falling for him.
How could he even ASK her that? Her FALLING for that insufferable vampire? No.
She hadn't been able to shake the question all day and as she entered Willy's she looked around at the riffraff and low lives and almost wanted to smirk at Riley even for one second believing that she could ever stoop so low as to let herself fall for someone who wasn't even part of his own society's upper class. He was tough and rough. The muscle-for-hire kinda type. His schemes never came through. His goals were never reached. He was as pathetic as pathetic could be.
Oh, Buffy, stop, she sarcastically told herself, before you start feeling sorry for him.
Half an hour later she walked out, supporting Riley who had come close to shooting off his gun at an innocent and who was acting as though he had come down with something slightly worse than a mere touch of the flu - it seemed to be more like an invasion.
Comforting him tentatively and placing him on the sofa-bed of Xander's she walked through the blanketwall and had a small discussion with Giles and Xander. Soon her and the latter were headed for Initiative head quarters.
***
8.52 p.m.
She sauntered over the street leading to the fourth cemetery, her head heavy with thoughts of what information she had received - of what had taken place. Of what she had learned about Riley, that he was part of some experiment as well... And mostly of what she had found out about her newest Big Bad; also known as Adam. A Frankenstein's monster thrown into the happy mix of master vampires and lovers turned crazed killers and mayors going all Snake-Me-Out!
At least Riley was safe, for now. With people who could take care of him. Hopefully she would be able to untangle the messed up web, constructing her mind at the moment, by the time she faced him again.
Why had she given him that answer earlier? "I don't know." What had she meant by that? "Beg" had been the operative word that very morning and once she stood before the final decision she chose...? Why was she recoiling, backing away from happiness come easy? Served on a silver platter and having her name printed all over it...
Perhaps right there was her answer. In the question itself, grinning at her. What fun was there? What tension? What challenge in knowing the safety, the predictability with which his love carefully placed itself as a layer on top of her?
Something had broken through that layer. Something had turned it into mere strips flapping in the wind of this turmoil inside of her. And this something...
She hadn't gone on patrol to think about that something. She had gone out to clear her head, make the streets a tad safer and hopefully have some sort of plan ready by the time she returned to Xander's. Clear her head... And didn't that concept include cleaning out this dirty habit she was getting into of associating the smallest of things to a certain...something?
Cleaning? Exactly. Swoop-swoop-swoop with a large broom under the rug of her mind and gone that something was. No need to think about him ever again... Or it. Or... Darn.
"I'm totally freaking out here," she grumbled.
Like HE had said - "one night and a few kisses". WHAT was the big deal?
She stopped short as she looked up and met his gaze. Blinking, with the surprise sending scurrying bits of ice through her to collect in her stomach, she drew a small breath in order to steady herself again; looking closer at him where he stood in slight shadow and five feet away from her she noticed the still fresh bruises covering his face, his swollen lip, the blood trailing from a cut in his forehead and down the left side of his cheek.
She could see he had swiped at it, but the residue was cutting her eyes with its color and she clenched her jaws together at the small sting of sudden protectiveness rising in the pit of her stomach.
He huffed, then turned and began to walk away from her. She furrowed her brow, then slowly followed.
"You gonna tell me what happened?" she asked, catching up to him though he was still a few paces ahead and he stopped, shook his head and then turned back to her. "Who did that to you?" she added, her voice unsteady with growing uncertainty as he held her gaze firmly.
"You did," he then replied, turning and once more beginning to move.
She frowned again, and then followed, coming up to walk at his side.
"I object to that," she stated and he huffed for the second time.
"I'm so bloody shocked," he replied sarcastically and she grabbed the arm of his duster to make him stop and face her. He observed her for a few seconds then said: "You wanna know what happened? I got a good, clean ass- kicking session by some local bloody Hargorth demons 'cause YOU can't keep your face where it belongs - away from ANY bloody association with MINE!"
She stared at him at that. Baffled and offended and when he turned from her for the third time she wasn't late to follow.
"For your information," she said and he rolled his eyes to the sky as what he had anticipated commenced, "you can't blame ME for getting your ass kicked around by some Hogsworth demon..."
"Hargorth," he corrected, turning his head to her where she was keeping up with his pace at his right side and she glared at him.
"Do you mind?" she shot and he merely gave her a look, thus she continued: "You can't blame ME 'cause I'M not the one who encouraged you to go out and go all demon-killer-friendly, am I?!"
He glared at her, stopping again and she crossed her arms over her chest as she met his flaming gaze with her own not hesitant in its retaliation.
"But if you'd just kept yourself the hell away from my crypt perhaps..." he trailed off, finding his arguments completely worthless.
She had nothing to do with it. It was just easier being angry with her than have to fall back on that other feeling... Seeing her in such a different light was too strange, but having her in the flesh close enough to touch made the fact all that much steadier in his chest, and the anger poured out of him as though he had turned a faucet off and pulled the plug from the drain.
She was still looking at him, impatient and malevolent. Angried and mistrusting. But as his face slowly grew into that quizzical expression it had seemed to adopt on their last few encounters her eyes dropped the harshness as well. Unfolding her arms she sighed, shaking her head and looking away from him.
He clenched his jaws together, wanting so badly to reach out and feel her there that he made himself move away from her. She looked up just as he pushed the front door of his crypt open. She hadn't realized they were that close to it...or that she had been. Indecisive she stayed where she was for nearly two minutes. Something telling her to leave - and fast. Something else acknowledging the slender twirl of worry within her - though it wrote it off as a natural part of her humanity - and encouraging her to follow him.
Once the second minute was up she took the latter's advice and cautiously neared the entrance - the door still standing ajar and she slipped through it. The foyer was dark, but through the second door she could see the flickering light of a candle burning.
Throwing her last chance for retreat over her shoulder she stepped through the door and into the crypt.
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************
A/N - this chapter has contained explicit material from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Good-bye Iowa". All rights to writer Marti Noxon for the dialogue! I think most of you can tell the small or large changes I've made etc. Plus, obviously, I've put my own interpretations in there as well. ;)
Twenty: When It Settles
By Annie
2003-04-15
****************************************************************************
Day Thirteen.
7.05 a.m.
Buffy watched the rather stupefying cartoon moving on the TV-screen. A bird making funny noises kept escaping a coyote that insistently pursued setting traps to ensnare or preferably kill it. She blinked. No, she wouldn't even pretend to acknowledge the analogy her head immediately made to the scenario.
Last night had been...last night. Today was a whole new day and she'd... keep trying to figure out exactly what she should do while she watched the coyote now dropping a huge wrecking-ball of some sort, in a ridiculously thin rope, from a board spanned over two sides of a steep valley. It was aimed to hit the approaching bird, which stopped short just a mere inch away from the spot where it would actually have been hit and the wrecking ball made a loop, coming back to hit the coyote hard over the head instead. Actually making the poor animal stick to it...
"That would never happen," she muttered, thinking of how The Coyote would probably just have ducked under its ugly, leather coat and slithered away...to conjure up some other way to get rid of the smart, fast, pretty and clever bird.
"Well, no, Buff," Willow replied. "That's why they call them cartoons - not documentaries," she added, turning her eyes from the screen and into her friend's with a meaningful look and Buffy sighed.
Anya - seated between the two on the sofa-bed - listened to the exchange and then joined the other two in turning their heads to the side of the TV as Giles came through the improvised wall located there - constructed out of blankets - separating the boys from the girls. He didn't look too keen.
"Must we have the noise? My head is splitting," he grumbled, turning the TV off and Willow smirked.
"Well, look who's Cranky Bear in the morning," she remarked wryly and he sighed, stopping as he was about to walk through the blankets again to turn back to them as he replied:
"Yes, well, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball."
"Every time you moved it made squeaky noises," Anya remarked. "It was irritating," she added.
"Really?" he inquired. "I'm surprised you could hear it over your Vargnerian snoring."
"Okay, you guys! Could we not, please?" Buffy interrupted the bickering and they both cooled down as she added: "Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing Scenes From My Parents Marriage."
"Sorry," Anya apologized, voice low and looking rather sheepish.
"Sorry," Giles muttered back, disappearing through the blankets.
"Thank you," Buffy said, gratefully, and Willow looked at her for a moment before saying:
"It'll be okay, Buffy. Riley's just confused, that's all."
Buffy felt a twitch near her heart at that, then she smiled a small smile.
"I don't think so," she then replied.
After all, what was there to be confused about...? She felt so awful. She never would have hurt him like that unless Spike had gotten her all wound up and angry! Stupid bleach-head! It was all his fault!
"Of course that's how it is!" Willow assured, making Buffy pause as she had to remind herself that no, Willow hadn't just read her thoughts but was referring to the remaining topic of Riley, plus being seemingly set on supportive-friend mode. If she had only known. "I'm sure when he sees you it'll just... you know, boil over. He's in love with you! Then - what you do is - you forgive."
Buffy swallowed, her smile growing stale.
"Yeah. Right. Forgiveness. Big part of the relationship bit," she murmured, looking down on the green blanket splayed over her and Willow frowned.
"Is something bothering you?" she then asked and Buffy looked up, adopting an innocent expression.
"Why do you think something's bothering me?" she asked back and Willow raised her eyebrows.
"I dunno, the way you act? You're here and still you're not... What's on your mind, Buffy? I can tell it's not Riley 'cause the way you looked a week ago isn't how you look now. You don't have that starry eyed, floating- on-top-of-the-clouds look," she stated and Buffy bit her jaws together, sinking down slightly where she sat.
How had it come to this? A week ago...well, more like two weeks to her...she had been enjoying the fact that she was falling in love with a great guy. A human, pulse-possessing, all be it not completely average, yet very regular guy. And now...? She wasn't even sure anymore! How was that possible? She wasn't falling out of love, was she? That couldn't be! It was too new; to already be able to just break away from it seemed unthinkable.
"Hello?" Anya sing-songed and Buffy pulled out of her musings to look at her two friends.
"Sorry," she mumbled. "I'm just... I don't know. Riley's whole world's just...falling apart," she added, growing self-conscious.
"Yeah, and with everything you went through with Angel," Anya chimed in. "You know, you really should get yourself a BORING boyfriend. Like Xander... You can't have Xander," she then added and stated, causing Buffy to smile slightly.
"That was the idea," she then agreed. "Riley was supposed to be mister Joe guy... Guess I'm not supposed to have one of those," she then muttered.
"Oh, no, Buffy," Willow disagreed. "Don't think like that. You'll... work things out," she once more put on the optimism-cap and Buffy met her gaze for a few seconds before she slowly replied:
"I'm not all that sure, Will. Things just aren't always as they seem and now... thing's 've changed."
Willow eyed her closely for a few dragged out seconds before remarking:
"You're so making no sense right now," and Buffy smiled meekly.
"Nothing makes any sense anymore," she then replied.
"So dump him," Anya spoke up, turning a warning gaze into the Slayer's as she added: "But you can't-have-Xander."
"I'll try and remember that," Buffy promised, closing her eyes and sinking back against the pillows.
And I don't think the decision of stay-together-or-no is up to me, she thought to herself. If there even is a question of that anymore...
And if he'd be willing to forgive, Buffy - what then? Is his forgiveness what you want?
She opened her eyes at that, staring up into the ceiling with a sinking feeling in her chest.
Of course it is, she then thought. I'll beg for it. I will.
Xander interrupted her thoughts by practically yelling for them to turn on the TV.
***
12.12 p.m.
Buffy slowly approached the place where the female news reporter had stated the body of a young boy had been found that very morning. Police cars and an ambulance cluttered the scene and she felt her heart beat heavily in her chest. With the guilt she felt as the Polgara demon for certain had been looking for her, and at the thought that what she considered her own sloppiness had caused the incident to ever take place.
A sloppiness that - if she hadn't let it slide, if she had listened to Giles' advice to be certain of what she was getting herself into when she grew more involved with the Initiative - wouldn't have been allowed to cloud her judgment. Concerning Maggie Walsh, concerning what the Initiative could possibly want with a live Polgara as apposed to a very much slain one. She felt like a fool.
She watched the ambulance crew as they worked and then she shook her head to herself. She felt alone, more than ever, and it was a burden around her neck as her heart seemed torn in two. One half instructed her to get her head back on straight and not let something so trivial as a few indiscretions ruin a future she knew she might still have with Riley. The other half merely laughed at that. Laughed so hard she thought she could feel it spill tears of blood into her veins and then - to prove its point - it merely produced the sensation of this blue-eyed demon's hands, his mouth, his body and being... How could something so wrong feel so right? When he touched her...
Demon. Demon, demon.
But sometimes the way he eyed her made her come close to blushing. His gaze could be much to gentle for a creature such as him, too inquisitive, too personal. And at times he brushed his lips against her as though he...felt more, needed more from her, had to dig deeper until he could grasp the same craving within her and pull it to the surface. He was hungry, eager, and yet tentative... No matter how hard he had tried to act as though he wasn't she had noticed how carefully he made sure that he gave as much as he took; that she received as much pleasure as she...
Buffy, she interrupted her thoughts. Focus on something else. Please!
She sighed.
What was she even thinking?
Turning - concluding that there was nothing for her at the site for now - she stopped short as she faced...
"Riley," she breathed and he observed her in tight silence before he nodded stiffly.
"Buffy," he then greeted.
"I saw - on the news..." she mumbled, gesturing to the spot behind her and he nodded again.
"I figured."
"The...the Polgara?" she asked, meeting his gaze hesitantly and he lifted one shoulder in a small shrug.
"We're not sure yet," he replied.
"Riley, I'm SO..."
"Listen, for now, let's not talk anything but work. We're both professionals, let's keep it at that," he interrupted her coldly and she frowned slightly before she nodded.
"All right," she agreed. "Well, the Polgara had the sort of skewer they mentioned. And..."
"Maggie's dead," he stated and she completely lost her track as she gaped up at him. "Happy now?" he added, looking away from her and she frowned deeper this time.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked. "How can you even ask me that?"
"She had it in for you. You're not relieved one more threat's off your back? Oh, right... that's where you prefer them," he shot and she blinked, taken off guard by his crudity.
"I guess I deserved that," she said, voice lowered. "And I have no defense so give me your best shot. But as you said - professionals," she added and he clenched his jaws together as he looked down at her. "It was the Polgara, wasn't it?" she asked and he seemed to give it some thought before he granted her a small nod as a reply. "I'm gonna find it," she stated. "I'm gonna find it, I'm gonna destroy it... and then you can stop asking me how 'happy' all this death makes me," she finished, giving him a hard look before she brushed passed him.
"Are you falling for him, Buffy?" he asked and she stopped, turning partially back to him with a rather shocked expression on her face. "Are we over?" he then added.
She stared at him for what seemed like a month cramped into a long moment before she answered:
"I don't know."
Turning away from him and continuing on her way he watched her as she went - wondering which question she had answered.
***
5.17 p.m.
She wasn't falling for him.
How could he even ASK her that? Her FALLING for that insufferable vampire? No.
She hadn't been able to shake the question all day and as she entered Willy's she looked around at the riffraff and low lives and almost wanted to smirk at Riley even for one second believing that she could ever stoop so low as to let herself fall for someone who wasn't even part of his own society's upper class. He was tough and rough. The muscle-for-hire kinda type. His schemes never came through. His goals were never reached. He was as pathetic as pathetic could be.
Oh, Buffy, stop, she sarcastically told herself, before you start feeling sorry for him.
Half an hour later she walked out, supporting Riley who had come close to shooting off his gun at an innocent and who was acting as though he had come down with something slightly worse than a mere touch of the flu - it seemed to be more like an invasion.
Comforting him tentatively and placing him on the sofa-bed of Xander's she walked through the blanketwall and had a small discussion with Giles and Xander. Soon her and the latter were headed for Initiative head quarters.
***
8.52 p.m.
She sauntered over the street leading to the fourth cemetery, her head heavy with thoughts of what information she had received - of what had taken place. Of what she had learned about Riley, that he was part of some experiment as well... And mostly of what she had found out about her newest Big Bad; also known as Adam. A Frankenstein's monster thrown into the happy mix of master vampires and lovers turned crazed killers and mayors going all Snake-Me-Out!
At least Riley was safe, for now. With people who could take care of him. Hopefully she would be able to untangle the messed up web, constructing her mind at the moment, by the time she faced him again.
Why had she given him that answer earlier? "I don't know." What had she meant by that? "Beg" had been the operative word that very morning and once she stood before the final decision she chose...? Why was she recoiling, backing away from happiness come easy? Served on a silver platter and having her name printed all over it...
Perhaps right there was her answer. In the question itself, grinning at her. What fun was there? What tension? What challenge in knowing the safety, the predictability with which his love carefully placed itself as a layer on top of her?
Something had broken through that layer. Something had turned it into mere strips flapping in the wind of this turmoil inside of her. And this something...
She hadn't gone on patrol to think about that something. She had gone out to clear her head, make the streets a tad safer and hopefully have some sort of plan ready by the time she returned to Xander's. Clear her head... And didn't that concept include cleaning out this dirty habit she was getting into of associating the smallest of things to a certain...something?
Cleaning? Exactly. Swoop-swoop-swoop with a large broom under the rug of her mind and gone that something was. No need to think about him ever again... Or it. Or... Darn.
"I'm totally freaking out here," she grumbled.
Like HE had said - "one night and a few kisses". WHAT was the big deal?
She stopped short as she looked up and met his gaze. Blinking, with the surprise sending scurrying bits of ice through her to collect in her stomach, she drew a small breath in order to steady herself again; looking closer at him where he stood in slight shadow and five feet away from her she noticed the still fresh bruises covering his face, his swollen lip, the blood trailing from a cut in his forehead and down the left side of his cheek.
She could see he had swiped at it, but the residue was cutting her eyes with its color and she clenched her jaws together at the small sting of sudden protectiveness rising in the pit of her stomach.
He huffed, then turned and began to walk away from her. She furrowed her brow, then slowly followed.
"You gonna tell me what happened?" she asked, catching up to him though he was still a few paces ahead and he stopped, shook his head and then turned back to her. "Who did that to you?" she added, her voice unsteady with growing uncertainty as he held her gaze firmly.
"You did," he then replied, turning and once more beginning to move.
She frowned again, and then followed, coming up to walk at his side.
"I object to that," she stated and he huffed for the second time.
"I'm so bloody shocked," he replied sarcastically and she grabbed the arm of his duster to make him stop and face her. He observed her for a few seconds then said: "You wanna know what happened? I got a good, clean ass- kicking session by some local bloody Hargorth demons 'cause YOU can't keep your face where it belongs - away from ANY bloody association with MINE!"
She stared at him at that. Baffled and offended and when he turned from her for the third time she wasn't late to follow.
"For your information," she said and he rolled his eyes to the sky as what he had anticipated commenced, "you can't blame ME for getting your ass kicked around by some Hogsworth demon..."
"Hargorth," he corrected, turning his head to her where she was keeping up with his pace at his right side and she glared at him.
"Do you mind?" she shot and he merely gave her a look, thus she continued: "You can't blame ME 'cause I'M not the one who encouraged you to go out and go all demon-killer-friendly, am I?!"
He glared at her, stopping again and she crossed her arms over her chest as she met his flaming gaze with her own not hesitant in its retaliation.
"But if you'd just kept yourself the hell away from my crypt perhaps..." he trailed off, finding his arguments completely worthless.
She had nothing to do with it. It was just easier being angry with her than have to fall back on that other feeling... Seeing her in such a different light was too strange, but having her in the flesh close enough to touch made the fact all that much steadier in his chest, and the anger poured out of him as though he had turned a faucet off and pulled the plug from the drain.
She was still looking at him, impatient and malevolent. Angried and mistrusting. But as his face slowly grew into that quizzical expression it had seemed to adopt on their last few encounters her eyes dropped the harshness as well. Unfolding her arms she sighed, shaking her head and looking away from him.
He clenched his jaws together, wanting so badly to reach out and feel her there that he made himself move away from her. She looked up just as he pushed the front door of his crypt open. She hadn't realized they were that close to it...or that she had been. Indecisive she stayed where she was for nearly two minutes. Something telling her to leave - and fast. Something else acknowledging the slender twirl of worry within her - though it wrote it off as a natural part of her humanity - and encouraging her to follow him.
Once the second minute was up she took the latter's advice and cautiously neared the entrance - the door still standing ajar and she slipped through it. The foyer was dark, but through the second door she could see the flickering light of a candle burning.
Throwing her last chance for retreat over her shoulder she stepped through the door and into the crypt.
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A/N - this chapter has contained explicit material from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Good-bye Iowa". All rights to writer Marti Noxon for the dialogue! I think most of you can tell the small or large changes I've made etc. Plus, obviously, I've put my own interpretations in there as well. ;)