*********************************TRApPeD************************************
Twenty-Six: Make With The Why
By Annie
2003-05-01
****************************************************************************
Day Eighteen.
9.34 p.m.
Her eyes darkened rapidly post his question and as she wanted to take a step back he grabbed her upper arms and held her where she was.
"Where is she?" he hissed and a cold smile took its place on her lips as she shook her head slightly at him.
"You're trippin'," she muttered. "I'm outta here," she added, tearing loose and turning from him.
"Faith," he said and she turned back to him, eyebrows rising and then her smile widened.
"No," she then replied. "I knew a girl who went by that name once, and it wasn't that long ago either... But she's gone now. She's been... handled. Slayerstyle."
He stared at her, at this stranger before him.
"Don't worry, sweet-cakes," she now smirked. "She won't ever bother me again. Or any of my friends..."
He furrowed his brow, but she merely turned from him and made her way up to the bar.
He knew what he had to do, and no matter how much it really distasted him to do it he had no other choice. Leaving the Bronze he headed for the apartment of someone he wasn't at all sure would even listen to what he suspected, but if the man in question refused - then Buffy was lost to them, to HIM, forever.
If the Watcher won't listen, Spike thought, picking up his pace, then somehow I'll MAKE him.
***
Day Nineteen.
8.55 a.m.
"We don't know where Buffy is, that's our main problem," Giles stated, making the murmur from the assembled Scoobies - plus two - come to a stop.
Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara were all squeezed together on the couch of Giles' apartment, now their eyes were directed onto him.
"The Council could have taken her halfway to England by now," he added with a sigh. "I can't believe I didn't pick up on it sooner. I thought her actions were rather...un-Buffylike when she stopped by."
"Me too," Xander chimed in, nodding his head. "Definite un-Buffyness going on there. No need to feel like the behind of a donkey, Giles... We all do."
"Well, thank you for that fascinatingly clear analogy and please, don't ever use it again," the Watcher replied dryly.
"Deal," Xander agreed, sinking back slightly against the cushions behind his back and getting a comforting pat on one arm from his girlfriend.
"We could try a locating spell..." Willow began and that was when the front door was thrown open and the body of Faith came through it. "Buffy!" Willow exclaimed, the four on the couch rising as one and turning to face the door at the same time.
"Okay," Buffy said. "Don't freak... I know this is gonna sound so much out there that you're gonna... Huh?"
"We know you're you and your body's not you," Anya explained helpfully and Buffy furrowed her brow, technically Faith's brow.
"It's a long story," Willow began and as the phone rang she continued: "Tara and I met you... I mean, Faith... at the Bronze last night and Tara... Tara, come here." Tara hesitantly came up to join at Willow's side and Buffy looked at the girl for a moment before directing her gaze into Willow's again, wanting her to finish. "Well," Willow started up again, "Tara is a really powerful witch."
"Not really," Tara mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with that sort of unmasked praise.
"No, really!" Willow stated. "She knew right away that you weren't you. So we connected with the nether realms to find out what happened, and we conjured..." turning around she hurried up to the living room table, grabbed the small, wooden box standing there and then returned to her friend finishing with: "this."
Opening the box she revealed what looked like an oval shaped stone, glowing in neon green. Buffy could feel the power flowing from it and she took a step closer.
"What is it?" she asked.
"It's a Katra," Willow replied.
"You should come see this," Xander called from the TV, which Giles had turned on shortly after hanging up the phone. "Why is it that there never are any GOOD news coming from that thing?" the former added.
On the screen a news anchor declared a church in possession of what could only be a band of vampires.
"It's a message," Buffy stated. "And it's just been received."
***
3.45 p.m.
"She's gone..." Buffy said silently, pushing the button on the wireless phone in her hand in order to hang up.
She was seated on her bed in hers and Willow's dorm room and the latter was sitting by her feet.
"You okay?" Willow wondered and Buffy shrugged.
"I'm not sure," she murmured. "I talked with my mom before... Faith spent the night in my old bedroom, but before that they had had a really long walk down Memory Lane with old pictures and everything... Mom said that she had worried 'cause I seemed so sad. I'm just... I mean, who knows what made Faith who she is, you know?"
Willow nodded.
"Yeah," she agreed.
"I might've been somebody entirely different if I hadn't been born into my family," Buffy continued. "She might've been too."
"You feel bad for her?" Willow wondered and Buffy put the phone on the bedside table before she nodded.
"I guess I do," she admitted.
"Changing topics," Willow said, smiling a little and Buffy returned it. "What did you think of Tara?"
"The little I saw of her I thought she seemed real nice," Buffy replied. "She's kinda shy, though, isn't she?"
"Yeah," Willow agreed. "But not once you get to know her. Then she's really open and funny and... well," the Wicca trailed off.
"I'm glad you're making new friends," Buffy said, giving Willow a little shove with one foot. "I felt really bad 'cause I was so busy with Riley," she added and Willow's smile broadened.
"He forgave you, didn't he?" she asked meaningfully and Buffy bit her jaws together.
"Not really," she answered and Willow grew serious as well as questioning. "Hence the 'WAS so busy'..." the former added and Willow put on an empathic expression.
"What happened? I can't believe that he'd hold a grudge; he doesn't seem like that kind of person," she said.
"It depends on the way you trample him," Buffy grumbled, Willow growing quizzical again and the former shook her head dismissively. Deciding that she wasn't ready for this conversation quite yet she then said: "Seems like you and Tara have been doing a lotta magic lately."
"Yeah. And it's so much fun," Willow stated. "I'm learning a lot."
"I was so scared you guys 'd put a tranquilizing dart in my butt or something, when I showed up like that looking like Faith," Buffy said with a smile and Willow grinned. "I'd label your growing talent Good Thing any day of the week from this moment on," the Slayer added and the latter laughed, watching as the former rose to her feet and walked over to the desk standing to the right of the door.
"Well, I can't take all the credit," the redhead then said as she turned in her seat to be able to look at her friend who was stacking up her books for the classes she would have in the morning.
"Oh?" Buffy wondered. "Yeah, right," she then added. "Tara."
"Yes, Tara," Willow agreed. "But actually, and you're not gonna believe this..." she trailed off as Buffy turned to her, wondering expression on her face. "Well, actually Spike told Giles before we did."
Buffy swallowed.
Her heart had just stopped beating in her chest.
"Spike?" she then asked, the muscle beginning to do its job tentatively beneath her bosom. "How could he know?"
"I'm not sure," Willow replied.
"Why wasn't he at the apartment when I got there?" Buffy inquired and Willow gave a shrug.
"He needed his beauty sleep," she answered.
"But..."
Buffy trailed off.
Why had he told Giles? If he hadn't, then that would've meant her off his back for certain and for a very long time to come. WHY had he gone to Giles, of all people?
"I... I have to go," she said, turning the knob of the door and opening it up. "I'll be back as soon as I can," she promised, walking through it and closing it behind her.
The past few days had been confusing enough without having to contemplate exactly where this whole thing with Spike was taking her. Not that it WAS taking her anywhere... Escaping the clutches of the Council... Not being sure if she'd ever be fully herself again... Fretting over how she'd be able to present her state to her friends without them freaking out... Yeah, she had had her hands full.
Now, all the everyday confusion slipped back in place and she was heavily reminded that she still needed to find a way out of it. The thing was that it was so obscure. They were partners, reluctant allies, and she had been absolutely convinced that - if the chance introduced itself to be rid of all of it - he wouldn't hesitate one second to end it in his favor and fulfill an old promise.
Well, of course she wouldn't have been dead per say; but she might as well have been.
And then he goes and does something like this.
Well, isn't that just like him, then? Turning everything upside down and inside out until he can't even tell the original composition of it himself! Damn him and his fickle nature!
She didn't bother to knock, assured in the assumption that he was out cold - literally - anyways. She stepped inside the second door, taking her into the crypt, and turned her head to her right, finding that she had been wrong. He was in front of the TV; a new one, she gathered, since last time she'd been there the set had been broken into bits for some reason. A result of one of his "mood changes", no doubt. And this new one he had probably stolen from some poor old lady who'd happened to leave a window slightly open one night... That's right, feed the annoyance with him.
Spike felt his nerves jolt as her presence filled the room, then he glanced her way and to his overwhelming relief his eyes met the familiar green of hers. Then it had succeeded, and here she was again; ready to splash a dash of her all-time-favorite burn-baby-burn. That's what her eyes told him, anyways. What had persuaded him to even give a damn in the first place?
The billion answers to that simple question crowded his mind and he closed his eyes briefly before turning his head to meet her gaze fully.
"Oh," he muttered. "You're back."
"Was I ever gone?" she wondered, her eyes now meaningful in a way he wasn't sure that he liked and her arms crossing over her chest.
"I haven't seen you in two bloody days, how the bleeding hell should I know?" he grumbled, trying to keep his cool as he got to his feet, turning the TV off as he went.
She raised her eyebrows. So, he was going to do that turn. Fine. She'd tag along on this one.
"Haven't seen me in two days?" she asked and he tilted his head to one side slightly.
Had she always been this beautiful? Had she always had such a glow about her? Standing there her brilliance seemed to light up the room.
Bloody hell! he growled in his head, turning away from her and walking a few steps toward the sarcophagus before stopping.
"I haven't seen YOU, now have I?" he muttered and she found herself smirking.
Then the admittance of those words caught up with her and chased that hint of a smile off her face.
"Why did you tell Giles?" she asked and he clenched his jaws together tightly.
Why couldn't he for once think before acting? Of course this whole stunt was gonna work, and of course she'd be busting down his door to know how the hell he could presume to act as though he cared what happened to her.
"Why shouldn't I have told him?" he retorted, finally turning to partially face her.
"WHY did you tell him?" she demanded, feeling how desperate she was to actually hear his reason; to at least have that straightened out once and for all amongst the turmoil inside of her.
"I don't know what you wanna hear, love," he murmured. "But it ain't gonna fall from these lips so best you just went on your sodding way. Now."
He wanted to have her close. He felt every last fiber reach out to her, draw themselves closer to her. The need was getting to be too much and he was frightened of what he might say or do to quench it. She needed to go before it got to the point of no return and he told her everything - salvation be crumbled up and forgotten.
"I'm not leaving," she stated, tone cold as she unwrapped her arms and took a step forward; his eyes growing unnoticeably as he witnessed the movement. "In fact, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why you keep..."
She trailed off and he narrowed his eyes.
"Saving you?" he wondered. "How I can do that when there's not one single honest or righteous bone in my dead, cold body? How I can bloody honor our agreement, this so-called partnership, when all I really wanna do is find some way of taking you down, isn't that what you were about to ask me?"
"All right, yes! Okay?!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I have to wonder what your motive is 'cause let's face it - you haven't declared yourself in love with the idea of me still standing, have you?!"
His face was cut in stone and his eyes were hard as a doll's, but inside her analogy had him near to tears with laughter. The irony of it all kept hitting him over the head, but when it made itself known with such subtlety it simply punched him right on the jaw.
He suppressed the emotion skillfully and reminded himself that for some reason she was mad at him. She seemed to react that way a lot whenever HE was the one who stepped in "in the knick of time". Gratitude towards him seemed to be a waste of bloody emotion, didn't it?
"I'll stop - if you ask me politely," he stated and she shook her head at him.
Sometimes he made her so furious that she just wanted to scream outloud.
"THAT'S not an answer!" she raised her voice and he cocked an eyebrow.
"'Politely'," he reminded and she stalked up to him.
He kept himself from backing away from her the second before her scent softly wrapped itself around him, her body heat extended itself, her life- force was vibrating against his chest.
"Why can't you just drop the attitude and tell me what I need to know?" she asked, voice lowered but quivering with held back emotion.
"Why is it something you 'need' to know?" he asked back and her eyes grew impatient as she glared up at him.
"You're impossible," she grumbled and his face softened as he smirked.
"Not always," he hinted and she gave him a look which broadened the smirk.
She was silent for a few moments and then she asked, rather hesitantly:
"How did you even know it wasn't me?"
Once more he tilted his head to one side, his eyes observing her for a second before he replied:
"Her kisses were very different from yours."
The cockiness with which he had intended to deliver that line for some reason was left out of it, but it didn't matter as he watched the rather stunned expression taking form on her face and she blinked with obvious surprise.
Everything came to a slow stop as the shock filled her, and then it pulled back rapidly, paving way for a distorted sense of betrayal. There was also something that was much, much worse and had no place within her in connection to him - anger based on pure and simple jealousy.
"Different-GOOD-different?" she couldn't stop herself from practically snapping and then she shook her head a little at herself before turning from him. "Never mind," she added, struggling to keep the growing grouchiness out of her voice.
"Buffy..." he began, really not about to let himself read too much into her posture and expression saying that she had actually just been affected by what he had disclosed.
She swirled back around.
"No, I don't wanna hear it," she interrupted. "Ever since you first came into my life all you've ever done 's been to screw it up, and I'm finished!"
"Buffy," he tried again, but she shook her head.
"I never should've thought that this side-by-side thing could ever work," she stated. "I mean, you won't even tell me why you keep being there when you should be trying to... be somewhere else!" she added and he furrowed his brow before he saw his opportunity to speak and took it.
"I expect you to repay the favors," he said and she seemed to hold back whatever she had been planning to yell at him the next for simply staring at him. "I expect you to be there for ME... if the time comes," he elaborated and she swallowed. "Will you?" he wondered.
She eyed him for another few moments.
"Sometimes I wish I'd never met you," she then murmured. "Some days that's all I wish."
"And the other days?" he asked quietly.
She opened her mouth as if to answer before seemingly changing her mind.
"Didn't mean to take away from the beauty sleep," she said and he arched an eyebrow, quizzical to her obvious self-consciousness as she backed toward the door.
"Why? You think I need it?" he asked, getting himself moving and following in her footsteps, as tryingly as she was taking them.
"No, not at all," she answered, blinking again as her thighs connected with the side to the back of the armchair and she stopped for a second to regroup before moving to walk behind it. "I-I mean..." she mumbled.
Stop, she wanted to ask him. Stop, whatever it is you're doing to me, stop right this instant. I can't be part of it. I refuse!
"What you said before... about this 'side-by-side thing' not working... that you're finished... Did you mean it?" he asked and she swallowed hard as her back connected with the stone wall to the left of the door leading to freedom, to air, to a place not so completely him. "Are we finished here?" he added and she tilted her head back as he stepped forward, leaning into her.
"You were the one who said we were done," she reminded and he smiled slightly.
"Guess we just keep saying things we don't bloody mean... You agree?" he wondered, his voice slow and thick and sweet as syrup and she could feel her mouth watering as their bodies molded together, the fabrics between their skin doing nothing to prevent them both from feeling the other.
"Yes," she practically whispered.
Looking into his eyes she found herself drifting deeper and deeper into a thousand shades of blue, into warmth and something gentle resting at the bottom of those pools.
If I lost you... he thought as he held her gaze. What would I do if I lost you?
Her heart was beating hard against his chest as her hands moved to place themselves on his hips. He moved his face closer, nudging the tip of her nose with his own before closing his eyes. Buffy closed hers as well, the anticipation swimming with her blood, stretching through her veins. Her hands slid to place themselves on his arms, gliding up his biceps. Her breath caressed his lips as his arms moved around her, pressing her closer.
"I can't do this," she said, breaking the spell and having him slowly open his eyes to meet hers. "I can't do this," she repeated as she pushed him away and sidestepped him to put some distance between them.
"You're too bloody much," he grumbled, turning his head to her. "So go," he then added with a nod to the door.
"I just..."
"You think I expect a sodding explanation here, Slayer?" he interrupted harshly, grabbing the door and opening it up. "Adam stops by and I'll be at your doorstep, 'til then let's just stay the hell away from each other. We'll both be better off."
She looked at him for a while which felt like something eager to resemble eternity and then she simply walked passed him and through the door, which he shut tightly behind her.
"Good riddance," he muttered.
Closing his eyes he leaned forward and placed his forehead against the roughness of stone against which she had a minute earlier been leaning.
The spot still carried her scent.
He wanted her to come back.
She didn't.
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************
Ohhh, you guys! Aw, you're just so awesome, thanks a lot for all the amazing reviews I keep recieving! I love it, I love it, but then who wouldn't, right? Really hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!
Special thank yous to Kate, Heather, Hannah, Pine, Captain, Rachel, Shaelune, Von, hmm..., wolf116 (for *both*) ;), charisma1525, Alyssa (welcome! and thanks for both!) :), Caitee M and Renee' - you guys, thank you SO much, okay? Without you guys we really wouldn't be approaching thirty chapters on this! Thanks a lot!
A.M.L, Annie.
Twenty-Six: Make With The Why
By Annie
2003-05-01
****************************************************************************
Day Eighteen.
9.34 p.m.
Her eyes darkened rapidly post his question and as she wanted to take a step back he grabbed her upper arms and held her where she was.
"Where is she?" he hissed and a cold smile took its place on her lips as she shook her head slightly at him.
"You're trippin'," she muttered. "I'm outta here," she added, tearing loose and turning from him.
"Faith," he said and she turned back to him, eyebrows rising and then her smile widened.
"No," she then replied. "I knew a girl who went by that name once, and it wasn't that long ago either... But she's gone now. She's been... handled. Slayerstyle."
He stared at her, at this stranger before him.
"Don't worry, sweet-cakes," she now smirked. "She won't ever bother me again. Or any of my friends..."
He furrowed his brow, but she merely turned from him and made her way up to the bar.
He knew what he had to do, and no matter how much it really distasted him to do it he had no other choice. Leaving the Bronze he headed for the apartment of someone he wasn't at all sure would even listen to what he suspected, but if the man in question refused - then Buffy was lost to them, to HIM, forever.
If the Watcher won't listen, Spike thought, picking up his pace, then somehow I'll MAKE him.
***
Day Nineteen.
8.55 a.m.
"We don't know where Buffy is, that's our main problem," Giles stated, making the murmur from the assembled Scoobies - plus two - come to a stop.
Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara were all squeezed together on the couch of Giles' apartment, now their eyes were directed onto him.
"The Council could have taken her halfway to England by now," he added with a sigh. "I can't believe I didn't pick up on it sooner. I thought her actions were rather...un-Buffylike when she stopped by."
"Me too," Xander chimed in, nodding his head. "Definite un-Buffyness going on there. No need to feel like the behind of a donkey, Giles... We all do."
"Well, thank you for that fascinatingly clear analogy and please, don't ever use it again," the Watcher replied dryly.
"Deal," Xander agreed, sinking back slightly against the cushions behind his back and getting a comforting pat on one arm from his girlfriend.
"We could try a locating spell..." Willow began and that was when the front door was thrown open and the body of Faith came through it. "Buffy!" Willow exclaimed, the four on the couch rising as one and turning to face the door at the same time.
"Okay," Buffy said. "Don't freak... I know this is gonna sound so much out there that you're gonna... Huh?"
"We know you're you and your body's not you," Anya explained helpfully and Buffy furrowed her brow, technically Faith's brow.
"It's a long story," Willow began and as the phone rang she continued: "Tara and I met you... I mean, Faith... at the Bronze last night and Tara... Tara, come here." Tara hesitantly came up to join at Willow's side and Buffy looked at the girl for a moment before directing her gaze into Willow's again, wanting her to finish. "Well," Willow started up again, "Tara is a really powerful witch."
"Not really," Tara mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with that sort of unmasked praise.
"No, really!" Willow stated. "She knew right away that you weren't you. So we connected with the nether realms to find out what happened, and we conjured..." turning around she hurried up to the living room table, grabbed the small, wooden box standing there and then returned to her friend finishing with: "this."
Opening the box she revealed what looked like an oval shaped stone, glowing in neon green. Buffy could feel the power flowing from it and she took a step closer.
"What is it?" she asked.
"It's a Katra," Willow replied.
"You should come see this," Xander called from the TV, which Giles had turned on shortly after hanging up the phone. "Why is it that there never are any GOOD news coming from that thing?" the former added.
On the screen a news anchor declared a church in possession of what could only be a band of vampires.
"It's a message," Buffy stated. "And it's just been received."
***
3.45 p.m.
"She's gone..." Buffy said silently, pushing the button on the wireless phone in her hand in order to hang up.
She was seated on her bed in hers and Willow's dorm room and the latter was sitting by her feet.
"You okay?" Willow wondered and Buffy shrugged.
"I'm not sure," she murmured. "I talked with my mom before... Faith spent the night in my old bedroom, but before that they had had a really long walk down Memory Lane with old pictures and everything... Mom said that she had worried 'cause I seemed so sad. I'm just... I mean, who knows what made Faith who she is, you know?"
Willow nodded.
"Yeah," she agreed.
"I might've been somebody entirely different if I hadn't been born into my family," Buffy continued. "She might've been too."
"You feel bad for her?" Willow wondered and Buffy put the phone on the bedside table before she nodded.
"I guess I do," she admitted.
"Changing topics," Willow said, smiling a little and Buffy returned it. "What did you think of Tara?"
"The little I saw of her I thought she seemed real nice," Buffy replied. "She's kinda shy, though, isn't she?"
"Yeah," Willow agreed. "But not once you get to know her. Then she's really open and funny and... well," the Wicca trailed off.
"I'm glad you're making new friends," Buffy said, giving Willow a little shove with one foot. "I felt really bad 'cause I was so busy with Riley," she added and Willow's smile broadened.
"He forgave you, didn't he?" she asked meaningfully and Buffy bit her jaws together.
"Not really," she answered and Willow grew serious as well as questioning. "Hence the 'WAS so busy'..." the former added and Willow put on an empathic expression.
"What happened? I can't believe that he'd hold a grudge; he doesn't seem like that kind of person," she said.
"It depends on the way you trample him," Buffy grumbled, Willow growing quizzical again and the former shook her head dismissively. Deciding that she wasn't ready for this conversation quite yet she then said: "Seems like you and Tara have been doing a lotta magic lately."
"Yeah. And it's so much fun," Willow stated. "I'm learning a lot."
"I was so scared you guys 'd put a tranquilizing dart in my butt or something, when I showed up like that looking like Faith," Buffy said with a smile and Willow grinned. "I'd label your growing talent Good Thing any day of the week from this moment on," the Slayer added and the latter laughed, watching as the former rose to her feet and walked over to the desk standing to the right of the door.
"Well, I can't take all the credit," the redhead then said as she turned in her seat to be able to look at her friend who was stacking up her books for the classes she would have in the morning.
"Oh?" Buffy wondered. "Yeah, right," she then added. "Tara."
"Yes, Tara," Willow agreed. "But actually, and you're not gonna believe this..." she trailed off as Buffy turned to her, wondering expression on her face. "Well, actually Spike told Giles before we did."
Buffy swallowed.
Her heart had just stopped beating in her chest.
"Spike?" she then asked, the muscle beginning to do its job tentatively beneath her bosom. "How could he know?"
"I'm not sure," Willow replied.
"Why wasn't he at the apartment when I got there?" Buffy inquired and Willow gave a shrug.
"He needed his beauty sleep," she answered.
"But..."
Buffy trailed off.
Why had he told Giles? If he hadn't, then that would've meant her off his back for certain and for a very long time to come. WHY had he gone to Giles, of all people?
"I... I have to go," she said, turning the knob of the door and opening it up. "I'll be back as soon as I can," she promised, walking through it and closing it behind her.
The past few days had been confusing enough without having to contemplate exactly where this whole thing with Spike was taking her. Not that it WAS taking her anywhere... Escaping the clutches of the Council... Not being sure if she'd ever be fully herself again... Fretting over how she'd be able to present her state to her friends without them freaking out... Yeah, she had had her hands full.
Now, all the everyday confusion slipped back in place and she was heavily reminded that she still needed to find a way out of it. The thing was that it was so obscure. They were partners, reluctant allies, and she had been absolutely convinced that - if the chance introduced itself to be rid of all of it - he wouldn't hesitate one second to end it in his favor and fulfill an old promise.
Well, of course she wouldn't have been dead per say; but she might as well have been.
And then he goes and does something like this.
Well, isn't that just like him, then? Turning everything upside down and inside out until he can't even tell the original composition of it himself! Damn him and his fickle nature!
She didn't bother to knock, assured in the assumption that he was out cold - literally - anyways. She stepped inside the second door, taking her into the crypt, and turned her head to her right, finding that she had been wrong. He was in front of the TV; a new one, she gathered, since last time she'd been there the set had been broken into bits for some reason. A result of one of his "mood changes", no doubt. And this new one he had probably stolen from some poor old lady who'd happened to leave a window slightly open one night... That's right, feed the annoyance with him.
Spike felt his nerves jolt as her presence filled the room, then he glanced her way and to his overwhelming relief his eyes met the familiar green of hers. Then it had succeeded, and here she was again; ready to splash a dash of her all-time-favorite burn-baby-burn. That's what her eyes told him, anyways. What had persuaded him to even give a damn in the first place?
The billion answers to that simple question crowded his mind and he closed his eyes briefly before turning his head to meet her gaze fully.
"Oh," he muttered. "You're back."
"Was I ever gone?" she wondered, her eyes now meaningful in a way he wasn't sure that he liked and her arms crossing over her chest.
"I haven't seen you in two bloody days, how the bleeding hell should I know?" he grumbled, trying to keep his cool as he got to his feet, turning the TV off as he went.
She raised her eyebrows. So, he was going to do that turn. Fine. She'd tag along on this one.
"Haven't seen me in two days?" she asked and he tilted his head to one side slightly.
Had she always been this beautiful? Had she always had such a glow about her? Standing there her brilliance seemed to light up the room.
Bloody hell! he growled in his head, turning away from her and walking a few steps toward the sarcophagus before stopping.
"I haven't seen YOU, now have I?" he muttered and she found herself smirking.
Then the admittance of those words caught up with her and chased that hint of a smile off her face.
"Why did you tell Giles?" she asked and he clenched his jaws together tightly.
Why couldn't he for once think before acting? Of course this whole stunt was gonna work, and of course she'd be busting down his door to know how the hell he could presume to act as though he cared what happened to her.
"Why shouldn't I have told him?" he retorted, finally turning to partially face her.
"WHY did you tell him?" she demanded, feeling how desperate she was to actually hear his reason; to at least have that straightened out once and for all amongst the turmoil inside of her.
"I don't know what you wanna hear, love," he murmured. "But it ain't gonna fall from these lips so best you just went on your sodding way. Now."
He wanted to have her close. He felt every last fiber reach out to her, draw themselves closer to her. The need was getting to be too much and he was frightened of what he might say or do to quench it. She needed to go before it got to the point of no return and he told her everything - salvation be crumbled up and forgotten.
"I'm not leaving," she stated, tone cold as she unwrapped her arms and took a step forward; his eyes growing unnoticeably as he witnessed the movement. "In fact, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why you keep..."
She trailed off and he narrowed his eyes.
"Saving you?" he wondered. "How I can do that when there's not one single honest or righteous bone in my dead, cold body? How I can bloody honor our agreement, this so-called partnership, when all I really wanna do is find some way of taking you down, isn't that what you were about to ask me?"
"All right, yes! Okay?!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I have to wonder what your motive is 'cause let's face it - you haven't declared yourself in love with the idea of me still standing, have you?!"
His face was cut in stone and his eyes were hard as a doll's, but inside her analogy had him near to tears with laughter. The irony of it all kept hitting him over the head, but when it made itself known with such subtlety it simply punched him right on the jaw.
He suppressed the emotion skillfully and reminded himself that for some reason she was mad at him. She seemed to react that way a lot whenever HE was the one who stepped in "in the knick of time". Gratitude towards him seemed to be a waste of bloody emotion, didn't it?
"I'll stop - if you ask me politely," he stated and she shook her head at him.
Sometimes he made her so furious that she just wanted to scream outloud.
"THAT'S not an answer!" she raised her voice and he cocked an eyebrow.
"'Politely'," he reminded and she stalked up to him.
He kept himself from backing away from her the second before her scent softly wrapped itself around him, her body heat extended itself, her life- force was vibrating against his chest.
"Why can't you just drop the attitude and tell me what I need to know?" she asked, voice lowered but quivering with held back emotion.
"Why is it something you 'need' to know?" he asked back and her eyes grew impatient as she glared up at him.
"You're impossible," she grumbled and his face softened as he smirked.
"Not always," he hinted and she gave him a look which broadened the smirk.
She was silent for a few moments and then she asked, rather hesitantly:
"How did you even know it wasn't me?"
Once more he tilted his head to one side, his eyes observing her for a second before he replied:
"Her kisses were very different from yours."
The cockiness with which he had intended to deliver that line for some reason was left out of it, but it didn't matter as he watched the rather stunned expression taking form on her face and she blinked with obvious surprise.
Everything came to a slow stop as the shock filled her, and then it pulled back rapidly, paving way for a distorted sense of betrayal. There was also something that was much, much worse and had no place within her in connection to him - anger based on pure and simple jealousy.
"Different-GOOD-different?" she couldn't stop herself from practically snapping and then she shook her head a little at herself before turning from him. "Never mind," she added, struggling to keep the growing grouchiness out of her voice.
"Buffy..." he began, really not about to let himself read too much into her posture and expression saying that she had actually just been affected by what he had disclosed.
She swirled back around.
"No, I don't wanna hear it," she interrupted. "Ever since you first came into my life all you've ever done 's been to screw it up, and I'm finished!"
"Buffy," he tried again, but she shook her head.
"I never should've thought that this side-by-side thing could ever work," she stated. "I mean, you won't even tell me why you keep being there when you should be trying to... be somewhere else!" she added and he furrowed his brow before he saw his opportunity to speak and took it.
"I expect you to repay the favors," he said and she seemed to hold back whatever she had been planning to yell at him the next for simply staring at him. "I expect you to be there for ME... if the time comes," he elaborated and she swallowed. "Will you?" he wondered.
She eyed him for another few moments.
"Sometimes I wish I'd never met you," she then murmured. "Some days that's all I wish."
"And the other days?" he asked quietly.
She opened her mouth as if to answer before seemingly changing her mind.
"Didn't mean to take away from the beauty sleep," she said and he arched an eyebrow, quizzical to her obvious self-consciousness as she backed toward the door.
"Why? You think I need it?" he asked, getting himself moving and following in her footsteps, as tryingly as she was taking them.
"No, not at all," she answered, blinking again as her thighs connected with the side to the back of the armchair and she stopped for a second to regroup before moving to walk behind it. "I-I mean..." she mumbled.
Stop, she wanted to ask him. Stop, whatever it is you're doing to me, stop right this instant. I can't be part of it. I refuse!
"What you said before... about this 'side-by-side thing' not working... that you're finished... Did you mean it?" he asked and she swallowed hard as her back connected with the stone wall to the left of the door leading to freedom, to air, to a place not so completely him. "Are we finished here?" he added and she tilted her head back as he stepped forward, leaning into her.
"You were the one who said we were done," she reminded and he smiled slightly.
"Guess we just keep saying things we don't bloody mean... You agree?" he wondered, his voice slow and thick and sweet as syrup and she could feel her mouth watering as their bodies molded together, the fabrics between their skin doing nothing to prevent them both from feeling the other.
"Yes," she practically whispered.
Looking into his eyes she found herself drifting deeper and deeper into a thousand shades of blue, into warmth and something gentle resting at the bottom of those pools.
If I lost you... he thought as he held her gaze. What would I do if I lost you?
Her heart was beating hard against his chest as her hands moved to place themselves on his hips. He moved his face closer, nudging the tip of her nose with his own before closing his eyes. Buffy closed hers as well, the anticipation swimming with her blood, stretching through her veins. Her hands slid to place themselves on his arms, gliding up his biceps. Her breath caressed his lips as his arms moved around her, pressing her closer.
"I can't do this," she said, breaking the spell and having him slowly open his eyes to meet hers. "I can't do this," she repeated as she pushed him away and sidestepped him to put some distance between them.
"You're too bloody much," he grumbled, turning his head to her. "So go," he then added with a nod to the door.
"I just..."
"You think I expect a sodding explanation here, Slayer?" he interrupted harshly, grabbing the door and opening it up. "Adam stops by and I'll be at your doorstep, 'til then let's just stay the hell away from each other. We'll both be better off."
She looked at him for a while which felt like something eager to resemble eternity and then she simply walked passed him and through the door, which he shut tightly behind her.
"Good riddance," he muttered.
Closing his eyes he leaned forward and placed his forehead against the roughness of stone against which she had a minute earlier been leaning.
The spot still carried her scent.
He wanted her to come back.
She didn't.
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************
Ohhh, you guys! Aw, you're just so awesome, thanks a lot for all the amazing reviews I keep recieving! I love it, I love it, but then who wouldn't, right? Really hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!
Special thank yous to Kate, Heather, Hannah, Pine, Captain, Rachel, Shaelune, Von, hmm..., wolf116 (for *both*) ;), charisma1525, Alyssa (welcome! and thanks for both!) :), Caitee M and Renee' - you guys, thank you SO much, okay? Without you guys we really wouldn't be approaching thirty chapters on this! Thanks a lot!
A.M.L, Annie.