*********************************TRApPeD********************************
Thirty-Four: Where Did the Darkness Go
By Annie
2003-05-22
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Day Twenty-Eight.
7.33 a.m.
Every time he woke with her in his arms was a cause for subtle surprise and pure pleasure. This morning was no exception and he turned his head to look down at her where she lay with one hand on his stomach and her head right below his shoulder. He could see the outline of her nose, cheek and of her chin; and the fact that he knew them all so well by now had a small smirk grace his lips.
What were they doing? Was he out of his bloody mind not caring how much he needed her? If it didn't work out... If she truly left him behind... The thought sent shivers of discomfort down his back and he held her slightly tighter to him as he brushed those fears aside.
He couldn't do anything to prevent it, if that day was up ahead of them. All he could do was enjoy the moment, and love her in a way that she would never forget, no matter what happened.
He was turning into that weak sod he had always praised himself high for not being. He had taken pride in his ruthlessness and evilness and obvious hatred with everything around him. He had sought out the parts of him that harbored the darkest shadows of his being and he had shoved them forward until those parts were all there was to him...
She had been right. The light in her had shone on parts of him he hadn't even known existed - because he had thought them vanished as he embraced the hardness of himself and let it protect him from everything that he had once been. Meek, gray, boring, average and frozen out of the society he had barely been born into. Ridiculed...
He let one hand stroke her shoulder gently.
For once maybe he had struck gold. If he could hold onto it. Hold onto her.
She made him feel as though he mattered, as though there was something good in him after all because she could sense it. He only wondered if she believed in it; in him...
She stirred and he laid his thoughts to rest as she turned her face to him and slowly opened her eyes.
"Hi," she mumbled sleepily and he smiled.
"Hi," he replied, pulling her up a little to kiss her and she returned it as she began to become more awake.
Moving her head back to have his gaze meet hers she smiled again.
"I can't help but think that something's going to happen to screw all of this up," she murmured and he smirked.
"'All of this' being the horror of waking up beside me?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow as she adopted a face of actually thinking that question over.
He looked at her with the smirk growing and then she became serious as she replied:
"No," kissing him tenderly again and he closed his eyes, running one hand through her soft locks and relishing in the feeling of her. "'All of this' being the facts of... nature being tampered with," she then said and he chuckled at that, shaking his head at her. "What?" she asked; fake-insult in her tone and a small pout on her mouth making him bite his lower lip as he kept the smile on.
"Can you at least bloody well find a decent way of NOT finding a good enough explanation?" he teased and she smiled tentatively.
"Hate you," she mumbled, though her voice was much too soft for him to even frown over that statement and he put his mouth to her forehead, murmuring:
"And you know exactly how much I hate you too."
She closed her eyes, wanting to kill off the smile he brought forth on her lips, but failed as the soft touch of his kiss still lingered on her skin.
"I really have to get going," she sighed and he looked at her as she pulled herself back and into a seated position, meeting his gaze.
"Do you know what time it is?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow, then shook her head and he reached out a hand, taking a hold on her right wrist and making her lie beside him and partially on him again. "So where's the bleeding rush?" he wondered and she groaned, resting her head against his shoulder before she sat back up, shaking the former.
Slipping over to the edge of the sarcophagus she got off it and to her feet, stretching her rather soar limbs before gathering her long locks into a ponytail and then simply letting them hang down her back. He propped his head into one hand as he observed her reach down and pick up her top.
"I could watch you do that all day," he stated and she paused before she turned her head to him with a smirk on. "Come on, love... You KNOW you don't wanna go," he added, moving his free hand invitingly over the spot she had just made empty and cocking an eyebrow meaningfully.
She gave him a look before she put the top on and then proceeded with her panties. He kept his gaze sliding over her body and when she bent down for her skirt he threw the sheet, which had been covering him from the waist down, off of him and jumped off the sarcophagus; approaching her with a look in those two blue eyes of his that she knew far too well and it made a suction appear in her stomach that had her legs quickly begin to grow wobbly.
"Spike," she tried to stop him, but he'd have none of it and as his hands slid up her arms before pressing her to him she let out a small moan right before his mouth met hers roughly.
She wrapped her arms tight around his neck and returned the kiss fervently.
"We can't keep...doing this," she breathed as he let his lips leave hers and travel down the side of her throat.
"Enjoy each other?" he wondered, kissing the place of her jugular before tracing her collarbone and moving further out to her shoulder, slowly walking around to stand behind her and brushing her hair away from her neck.
She licked her lips, tilting her head back when he bent his own forward and brushed his lips against the very place he had cleared, slipping his tongue out to paint careful patterns over her skin and she drew a silent breath as she slid her arms back and let her hands rest on his waist before she leaned back against him.
"No," she then disagreed, opening her eyes and forcing herself to take a step away from him before she turned to him, catching his gaze and holding it firmly as she added: "Pretend that the world isn't there anymore... 'Cause it is. And someday we'll have to deal with it."
He tilted his head slightly to one side as he took the step dividing them and put his arms around her again. She resisted, but only for a moment. Then she relaxed and put her forehead against his chest with a sigh.
"You wanna tell your chums 'bout us then?" he wondered, feeling how she once again turned rather rigid and trying to ignore the disappointment at the answer he could read in that alone. "So, I guess it's not just me who'd rather have the bloody world disappear, is it?" he added and she hesitated before she looked up at him. "If only for a night," he muttered, letting her go and stepping away from her before he gave her a small bow and moved one arm as an encouragement for her to get on with her dressing before he turned and walked through the room to the kitchen - to get himself some breakfast.
She watched him, grinding her teeth and then did as he obviously suggested, grabbing her skirt off the floor and tugging it up to her waist. Letting her hands rest there she then waited for him to look at her again. He didn't and she shook her head at him.
"I don't think they'd understand," she said and he slammed the door to the fridge shut, turning and walking into the room again, stopping a few feet away from her and looking both annoyed and sad.
"No," he disagreed. "YOU still don't understand what the hell's there between us, what it means... what might come of it. You're scared out of your sodding mind, Slayer. And you don't wanna label this something that it may never get to be, do you?" She looked at him, uncomprehending, and he smiled bitterly before he elaborated: "Something more than... this," as he made a gesture between their two forms and she looked away from him.
"I have to go," she murmured, grabbing her jacket and pulling it on before picking up her bag and slinging it over one shoulder.
"You running from me, love?" he asked and she turned her head to him again, her eyes somber as she shook her head barely noticeably. "Then give me a kiss good-bye," he said and she shook her head again, this time a little more visibly and he smirked.
She rolled her eyes, approached him quickly, stood on her toes and gave him a peck on the cheek. As she was about to turn from him again one of his hands slid behind her neck, grabbed hold and kept her in place before he joined their lips in a deep kiss. He ended it as he had started it, letting her go almost abruptly and she near enough lost her balance before she opened her eyes and glared up at him.
"You STOLE that one," she accused and he smiled widely at that.
"Did you really bloody expect anything else from me, pet?" he shot and she suppressed the smile successfully this time, keeping the impatience in her features before she swirled around and marched up to the door.
"I'll see you later, hon!" he called after her.
"Don't count on it, sweetie!" she yelled back, shutting the door with a pretty hard bang, which merely broadened his smile even more.
He knew her. And she knew that he did.
And, boy, did it bug her.
***
Willow looked up when the door of the room opened. As she saw it was Buffy who entered she directed her gaze back into the book she was reading for English class without so much as a hello and the former furrowed her brow as she closed the door behind her, watching her friend where she sat on her bed. When Buffy after a minute had passed still had gotten no reaction she grumbled and threw her bag on her own bed before she buttoned down her jacket.
"I looked for you yesterday," she stated, pulling the jacket off and letting it join the bag before she brought her top over her head. "It's not like I've been avoiding you," she added when Willow merely shifted slightly in her seat. "Where were you, anyway? I looked all over campus..."
"With Tara," Willow replied, tone short.
Then she slammed the book shut and looked up, her eyebrows rising as she added:
"Where were YOU - all night?"
Buffy hesitated before she gave a small smile, shrugging.
"I promised I'd be supportive," Willow said now, getting off her bed and to her feet as Buffy pulled a clean T-shirt over her head. "I know you need time and all that... But this is... It's... Were you with Spike?" she asked and Buffy stiffened before turning to her.
"What makes you ask that?" she wondered, trying to keep a cool surface though her insides were twirling like mad. "I mean, Spike? Spike?!" she added, realizing that she shouldn't when Willow's eyes narrowed and watched her closely.
"Why are you all...fidgety?" Willow inquired and Buffy took a step back as she pressed on another smile.
"I'm not..."
"You're all flushed and all fidgety!" Willow remarked, taking a step closer as she stared at her friend. "You WERE with Spike! What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Then why did you spend the night with him?"
"Wills, I..."
"What are you doing with him, Buffy?! Are you sleeping with him? I should've figured that whole House on Haunted Hill deal was way too easy to use as an excuse! But... why did you lie like that? I mean, if you're still sleeping with him, then...it had to be... Is it...? Is it MORE than that? Sorry to sound all shocked here but I'm just kinda... really shocked here!"
"Willow!" Buffy finally got a word in and the redhead seemed to wait for whatever explanation was to follow. "I didn't lie," the former said and Willow raised her eyebrows again.
"So... you're not sleeping with him anymore. You ending up in bed had everything to do with ghouls and bad things flying around in the atmosphere," she more or less stated, though the questioning gaze she gave her friend made the latter sink down on the edge of her bed.
Okay. The Talk. It had arrived, it was there. It was happening.
"I WANTED it to be true so badly," she murmured, not quite able to meet Willow's gaze, keeping her own on her hands as she continued: "I mean; I believed that it had to be true. I didn't lie 'cause when I agreed to what you said about what had happened - I thought that was how it had to be. I needed to have that be the reason... Otherwise..."
She trailed off, bending forward and resting her forehead in her hands as she drew a deep breath. Willow slowly sat down beside her, a disbelieving expression on her face that Buffy couldn't see.
"And something happened in the basement too, didn't it?" the Wicca asked, making Buffy swallow before she nodded, still in the same position. "That's where it all started... So, now you remember what happened, I take it," she added and at that Buffy raised her head with an incredibly guilty look in her eyes that made Willow frown.
"Oh," she murmured.
"Will, I was SO messed up when you guys got there, you have no idea... I couldn't believe I'd actually...! And when I saw Riley I just freaked. I thought maybe - if I made it so I could just put it behind me completely - then it'd go away."
Willow stared at her, incredulously, before she asked:
"You thought make believing that you had forgotten having sex with a vampire who you preached to me about that very DAY to be a threat and a liability - a vampire you'd have preferred it if he just 'disappeared' - if you pretended that it had never happened, it would be as though it never HAD?"
Buffy blinked; then looked away from her friend.
"It sounds a bit corny - spoken out loud like that, and by you. But I panicked!" she then tried and Willow merely raised her eyebrows once more, meaningfully. "I know," Buffy sighed. "I behaved like a regular jackass. Especially towards Riley. He never did anything to deserve that... And Willow," she whined, shaking her head a little, "I honestly think I'm losing my mind."
"So for nearly a month you've been lying to me, to all of us?" Willow asked, making Buffy lean her head in her hands again. "So... what did happen in that basement?"
There was a pause and then Buffy quietly grumbled:
"He seduced me."
Willow observed her in silence for a little while and then she asked slowly:
"In five hours? I thought you weren't all that receptive to the thralls a vampire might try to throw at you?"
"I'm NOT! And it wasn't five hours, not to us." Willow looked questioning and Buffy elaborated: "It was a little bit more like five days."
The redhead's eyes grew slightly.
"Wow... Five days? Well... whatever it was that he did... Did you want him to?"
"I don't know," Buffy replied, looking up. "I might've... I mean, no. No, I didn't. Or...yeah. Well, it's just that there was water and... him and... I'm so weak," she whined again, shaking her head.
Willow smiled empathically, reaching out a hand and stroking Buffy's shoulder comfortingly.
"You know that's only human, I hope," the former then said and Buffy returned her smile with some gratitude.
"I think - in this case - you're not really allowed to let your hormones get the better of you," she then murmured. "It's not exactly the average hello-sexy-guy-oh-please-just-..."
"Let's skip the rest," Willow interrupted and Buffy gave her an apologetic smile.
"Sorry..." she murmured, making Willow shake her head dismissively.
"It's just that it's sort of strange hearing you put 'Spike' and 'sexy guy' in the same context," she then explained.
"That's just it!" Buffy exclaimed. "See, I think it's strange myself! But when I'm with him... it's not."
At that Willow stared at her.
"So, there IS more?" she wondered, making Buffy grow self-conscious before she shook her head a little.
"There's something there..." she mumbled, slipping into her own thoughts as she continued: "He's... different from before. He cares, I know he does... He's funny - in an irritating and twisted kinda way... There's such gentleness in his eyes..."
As she trailed off the stillness crept into the room and settled between the two inhabitants in clear comfort. Willow letting Buffy's words sink in, and Buffy still lost in pictures from the past few days.
"When did all this really start?" Willow then asked and Buffy furrowed her brow slightly as she searched for the answer.
"For me? I honestly don't know how long I've been... I mean, subconsciously there's no way of telling just how I've been... I honestly don't know," she muttered, letting her hands slide through her hair.
"And for him?" Willow inquired, making Buffy look up and hesitate before she replied:
"He says... from the first time he saw me."
She tried to keep the smile back, but couldn't and it spread on her mouth as she looked down on her hands. Willow frowned again, observing the very obvious satisfaction on her friend's features.
"What else does he say?" she asked and Buffy cleared her throat, making the smile retract best she could before she met the redhead's gaze.
"I know this sounds absolutely bizarro world, believe me - it's not like I'M even done processing all of it," she started, but Willow cut in.
"It's not that there isn't chemistry," she said. "It's not that I haven't noticed it - as of late. When I saw you together that night, for example. And at your birthday party too. But... he doesn't have a soul. That's a major thing, isn't it?"
Buffy blinked, then got to her feet.
"Buffy," Willow said. "Are you sure you're not being set up? I mean, you're opening yourself up to him, I know you well enough to see that you are..."
"I've thought about all that," Buffy interrupted. "Over and over and over. It's just... he told me that he's... in love with me. And I don't know why, or how I even can - but I think I believe him. He makes me feel in ways I never could've dreamed that he would. But yeah, I still remember what he's done... who he's been in my life up until an incredibly short while ago and I admit, I can't help thinking... where did the darkness go, you know?"
Willow nodded her understanding.
"All that really matters to me is that you're happy," she then stated firmly. "Honestly, it's your decision. Spike is... I suppose in between the insistent kidnappings and coming-close-to-killings and tries-to-bite he can be pretty... dark."
Buffy smiled crookedly.
"It's the black clothes," she said, a fake-grave expression on; adding: "They can be SO misleading."
Willow smiled at that and then they both grew serious. Buffy sat down again, taking one of Willow's hands and asking:
"Do you really mean that part about me and the happy? You don't hate me?"
Willow smiled again, shaking her head.
"Of course I don't hate you!" she assured, squeezing the blonde's hand. "And I think I kinda get why you didn't tell me... You really did have to straighten it out for yourself first."
Buffy nodded, then frowned.
"I don't think I have yet," she murmured and Willow smiled widely.
"Are you in love with him?" she then asked and Buffy grew thoughtful before she answered:
"How could I be? He's so wrong for me."
Willow looked at her for a second before inquiring:
"Then how come he makes you feel so good? 'Cause he does, doesn't he?"
"Yeah," Buffy agreed quietly. "He really does."
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It truly is a treat as a writer to be able to hear so many thoughts and actually communicate with my readers. I love y'all for wanting to communicate back. Thanks so much for fabulous feedback and delicious support!
Very special thanks to thechosen, Night, Spikes Girl 4 ever!, Jay-D, Pine, Alyssa, qattaca, Callie, LizDarcy, Juliya, Jade2099, wolf116, VampiresKiss, Mel, Renee', Abby (*smiling widely here* Sucha boost to read that!) :), Rachel, Phyllis (on both! Thanks!), Willow (you read my mind with the Willow thing! Hope you liked!) ;), Von and Ape18 - to ALL great big fat thank yous for as always so great reviews! I'm SO glad you're still liking this!
Now on to the whole me freaking out over nothing at the end of the last chapter! Oh, WARNING - CONTAINS SMALL SPOILERS AS TO THE ENDING OF S7.
First of all - I should have started or at least ended the whole thing with clarifying that I didn't SEE the episode with my own two blue eyes - I read the much too unclear sum-up on UPN and if ANYONE read that as well (being as unspoiled as I was) they can vouch for me that it was B-A-D. So, I didn't have the advantage of actually witnessing the incredible acting skills of neither James nor Sarah - hence no facial expressions and no emotional expressions through those facial expressions what so ever. This would explain a lot as to why I reacted so strongly because on the UPN site they REALLY painted a not so pretty picture. At all.
Secondly - to the little details. The Angel bit was, to me - and bare with me here, I was in a state of shock pretty much from the first line - very poorly depicted on the site. I got the completely wrong idea but they just wrote that really badly. At least for someone who's mind was already clouding up with really bad visions. (No sugarplums dancing in them anywhere.) Then they made Buffy out as though she reacted to Spike "sulking" in the basement had her pretty much pissed off - which would have a light shine on the fact that she doesn't give a shhh what he's feeling. And the ending. Well. They really did a number on me there. It seemed as though Buffy just. I dunno. Gave a shrug that he had to die and then left him. And also like Spike saw the truth in her and knew that she really didn't love him at all. And that she looked into the rising sun with a smile on her face as though his sacrifice meant nothing but for the fact of letting her have the life she had always wanted.
Finally - I take it all back. All the things I saw in what I read has been completely demolished, vaporized by all you wonderful people. I had to get it out of me and now that it is gone, without even having a reason to ever be there in the first place, I feel so wonderful. And the ending - it fits. It's how it should be. As long as they get to finish it somehow with Buffy and Spike in the series finale or whatever of Angel. How they play that, of course, matters. But I'm still happy now. So, to ALL of you who took the time to write me in their reviews and over the email - I can't begin to express my gratitude. My ease of mind I owe completely to you! Thank you!
HOPE you liked this chapter as well! ;)
A.M.L, Annie.
Thirty-Four: Where Did the Darkness Go
By Annie
2003-05-22
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Day Twenty-Eight.
7.33 a.m.
Every time he woke with her in his arms was a cause for subtle surprise and pure pleasure. This morning was no exception and he turned his head to look down at her where she lay with one hand on his stomach and her head right below his shoulder. He could see the outline of her nose, cheek and of her chin; and the fact that he knew them all so well by now had a small smirk grace his lips.
What were they doing? Was he out of his bloody mind not caring how much he needed her? If it didn't work out... If she truly left him behind... The thought sent shivers of discomfort down his back and he held her slightly tighter to him as he brushed those fears aside.
He couldn't do anything to prevent it, if that day was up ahead of them. All he could do was enjoy the moment, and love her in a way that she would never forget, no matter what happened.
He was turning into that weak sod he had always praised himself high for not being. He had taken pride in his ruthlessness and evilness and obvious hatred with everything around him. He had sought out the parts of him that harbored the darkest shadows of his being and he had shoved them forward until those parts were all there was to him...
She had been right. The light in her had shone on parts of him he hadn't even known existed - because he had thought them vanished as he embraced the hardness of himself and let it protect him from everything that he had once been. Meek, gray, boring, average and frozen out of the society he had barely been born into. Ridiculed...
He let one hand stroke her shoulder gently.
For once maybe he had struck gold. If he could hold onto it. Hold onto her.
She made him feel as though he mattered, as though there was something good in him after all because she could sense it. He only wondered if she believed in it; in him...
She stirred and he laid his thoughts to rest as she turned her face to him and slowly opened her eyes.
"Hi," she mumbled sleepily and he smiled.
"Hi," he replied, pulling her up a little to kiss her and she returned it as she began to become more awake.
Moving her head back to have his gaze meet hers she smiled again.
"I can't help but think that something's going to happen to screw all of this up," she murmured and he smirked.
"'All of this' being the horror of waking up beside me?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow as she adopted a face of actually thinking that question over.
He looked at her with the smirk growing and then she became serious as she replied:
"No," kissing him tenderly again and he closed his eyes, running one hand through her soft locks and relishing in the feeling of her. "'All of this' being the facts of... nature being tampered with," she then said and he chuckled at that, shaking his head at her. "What?" she asked; fake-insult in her tone and a small pout on her mouth making him bite his lower lip as he kept the smile on.
"Can you at least bloody well find a decent way of NOT finding a good enough explanation?" he teased and she smiled tentatively.
"Hate you," she mumbled, though her voice was much too soft for him to even frown over that statement and he put his mouth to her forehead, murmuring:
"And you know exactly how much I hate you too."
She closed her eyes, wanting to kill off the smile he brought forth on her lips, but failed as the soft touch of his kiss still lingered on her skin.
"I really have to get going," she sighed and he looked at her as she pulled herself back and into a seated position, meeting his gaze.
"Do you know what time it is?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow, then shook her head and he reached out a hand, taking a hold on her right wrist and making her lie beside him and partially on him again. "So where's the bleeding rush?" he wondered and she groaned, resting her head against his shoulder before she sat back up, shaking the former.
Slipping over to the edge of the sarcophagus she got off it and to her feet, stretching her rather soar limbs before gathering her long locks into a ponytail and then simply letting them hang down her back. He propped his head into one hand as he observed her reach down and pick up her top.
"I could watch you do that all day," he stated and she paused before she turned her head to him with a smirk on. "Come on, love... You KNOW you don't wanna go," he added, moving his free hand invitingly over the spot she had just made empty and cocking an eyebrow meaningfully.
She gave him a look before she put the top on and then proceeded with her panties. He kept his gaze sliding over her body and when she bent down for her skirt he threw the sheet, which had been covering him from the waist down, off of him and jumped off the sarcophagus; approaching her with a look in those two blue eyes of his that she knew far too well and it made a suction appear in her stomach that had her legs quickly begin to grow wobbly.
"Spike," she tried to stop him, but he'd have none of it and as his hands slid up her arms before pressing her to him she let out a small moan right before his mouth met hers roughly.
She wrapped her arms tight around his neck and returned the kiss fervently.
"We can't keep...doing this," she breathed as he let his lips leave hers and travel down the side of her throat.
"Enjoy each other?" he wondered, kissing the place of her jugular before tracing her collarbone and moving further out to her shoulder, slowly walking around to stand behind her and brushing her hair away from her neck.
She licked her lips, tilting her head back when he bent his own forward and brushed his lips against the very place he had cleared, slipping his tongue out to paint careful patterns over her skin and she drew a silent breath as she slid her arms back and let her hands rest on his waist before she leaned back against him.
"No," she then disagreed, opening her eyes and forcing herself to take a step away from him before she turned to him, catching his gaze and holding it firmly as she added: "Pretend that the world isn't there anymore... 'Cause it is. And someday we'll have to deal with it."
He tilted his head slightly to one side as he took the step dividing them and put his arms around her again. She resisted, but only for a moment. Then she relaxed and put her forehead against his chest with a sigh.
"You wanna tell your chums 'bout us then?" he wondered, feeling how she once again turned rather rigid and trying to ignore the disappointment at the answer he could read in that alone. "So, I guess it's not just me who'd rather have the bloody world disappear, is it?" he added and she hesitated before she looked up at him. "If only for a night," he muttered, letting her go and stepping away from her before he gave her a small bow and moved one arm as an encouragement for her to get on with her dressing before he turned and walked through the room to the kitchen - to get himself some breakfast.
She watched him, grinding her teeth and then did as he obviously suggested, grabbing her skirt off the floor and tugging it up to her waist. Letting her hands rest there she then waited for him to look at her again. He didn't and she shook her head at him.
"I don't think they'd understand," she said and he slammed the door to the fridge shut, turning and walking into the room again, stopping a few feet away from her and looking both annoyed and sad.
"No," he disagreed. "YOU still don't understand what the hell's there between us, what it means... what might come of it. You're scared out of your sodding mind, Slayer. And you don't wanna label this something that it may never get to be, do you?" She looked at him, uncomprehending, and he smiled bitterly before he elaborated: "Something more than... this," as he made a gesture between their two forms and she looked away from him.
"I have to go," she murmured, grabbing her jacket and pulling it on before picking up her bag and slinging it over one shoulder.
"You running from me, love?" he asked and she turned her head to him again, her eyes somber as she shook her head barely noticeably. "Then give me a kiss good-bye," he said and she shook her head again, this time a little more visibly and he smirked.
She rolled her eyes, approached him quickly, stood on her toes and gave him a peck on the cheek. As she was about to turn from him again one of his hands slid behind her neck, grabbed hold and kept her in place before he joined their lips in a deep kiss. He ended it as he had started it, letting her go almost abruptly and she near enough lost her balance before she opened her eyes and glared up at him.
"You STOLE that one," she accused and he smiled widely at that.
"Did you really bloody expect anything else from me, pet?" he shot and she suppressed the smile successfully this time, keeping the impatience in her features before she swirled around and marched up to the door.
"I'll see you later, hon!" he called after her.
"Don't count on it, sweetie!" she yelled back, shutting the door with a pretty hard bang, which merely broadened his smile even more.
He knew her. And she knew that he did.
And, boy, did it bug her.
***
Willow looked up when the door of the room opened. As she saw it was Buffy who entered she directed her gaze back into the book she was reading for English class without so much as a hello and the former furrowed her brow as she closed the door behind her, watching her friend where she sat on her bed. When Buffy after a minute had passed still had gotten no reaction she grumbled and threw her bag on her own bed before she buttoned down her jacket.
"I looked for you yesterday," she stated, pulling the jacket off and letting it join the bag before she brought her top over her head. "It's not like I've been avoiding you," she added when Willow merely shifted slightly in her seat. "Where were you, anyway? I looked all over campus..."
"With Tara," Willow replied, tone short.
Then she slammed the book shut and looked up, her eyebrows rising as she added:
"Where were YOU - all night?"
Buffy hesitated before she gave a small smile, shrugging.
"I promised I'd be supportive," Willow said now, getting off her bed and to her feet as Buffy pulled a clean T-shirt over her head. "I know you need time and all that... But this is... It's... Were you with Spike?" she asked and Buffy stiffened before turning to her.
"What makes you ask that?" she wondered, trying to keep a cool surface though her insides were twirling like mad. "I mean, Spike? Spike?!" she added, realizing that she shouldn't when Willow's eyes narrowed and watched her closely.
"Why are you all...fidgety?" Willow inquired and Buffy took a step back as she pressed on another smile.
"I'm not..."
"You're all flushed and all fidgety!" Willow remarked, taking a step closer as she stared at her friend. "You WERE with Spike! What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Then why did you spend the night with him?"
"Wills, I..."
"What are you doing with him, Buffy?! Are you sleeping with him? I should've figured that whole House on Haunted Hill deal was way too easy to use as an excuse! But... why did you lie like that? I mean, if you're still sleeping with him, then...it had to be... Is it...? Is it MORE than that? Sorry to sound all shocked here but I'm just kinda... really shocked here!"
"Willow!" Buffy finally got a word in and the redhead seemed to wait for whatever explanation was to follow. "I didn't lie," the former said and Willow raised her eyebrows again.
"So... you're not sleeping with him anymore. You ending up in bed had everything to do with ghouls and bad things flying around in the atmosphere," she more or less stated, though the questioning gaze she gave her friend made the latter sink down on the edge of her bed.
Okay. The Talk. It had arrived, it was there. It was happening.
"I WANTED it to be true so badly," she murmured, not quite able to meet Willow's gaze, keeping her own on her hands as she continued: "I mean; I believed that it had to be true. I didn't lie 'cause when I agreed to what you said about what had happened - I thought that was how it had to be. I needed to have that be the reason... Otherwise..."
She trailed off, bending forward and resting her forehead in her hands as she drew a deep breath. Willow slowly sat down beside her, a disbelieving expression on her face that Buffy couldn't see.
"And something happened in the basement too, didn't it?" the Wicca asked, making Buffy swallow before she nodded, still in the same position. "That's where it all started... So, now you remember what happened, I take it," she added and at that Buffy raised her head with an incredibly guilty look in her eyes that made Willow frown.
"Oh," she murmured.
"Will, I was SO messed up when you guys got there, you have no idea... I couldn't believe I'd actually...! And when I saw Riley I just freaked. I thought maybe - if I made it so I could just put it behind me completely - then it'd go away."
Willow stared at her, incredulously, before she asked:
"You thought make believing that you had forgotten having sex with a vampire who you preached to me about that very DAY to be a threat and a liability - a vampire you'd have preferred it if he just 'disappeared' - if you pretended that it had never happened, it would be as though it never HAD?"
Buffy blinked; then looked away from her friend.
"It sounds a bit corny - spoken out loud like that, and by you. But I panicked!" she then tried and Willow merely raised her eyebrows once more, meaningfully. "I know," Buffy sighed. "I behaved like a regular jackass. Especially towards Riley. He never did anything to deserve that... And Willow," she whined, shaking her head a little, "I honestly think I'm losing my mind."
"So for nearly a month you've been lying to me, to all of us?" Willow asked, making Buffy lean her head in her hands again. "So... what did happen in that basement?"
There was a pause and then Buffy quietly grumbled:
"He seduced me."
Willow observed her in silence for a little while and then she asked slowly:
"In five hours? I thought you weren't all that receptive to the thralls a vampire might try to throw at you?"
"I'm NOT! And it wasn't five hours, not to us." Willow looked questioning and Buffy elaborated: "It was a little bit more like five days."
The redhead's eyes grew slightly.
"Wow... Five days? Well... whatever it was that he did... Did you want him to?"
"I don't know," Buffy replied, looking up. "I might've... I mean, no. No, I didn't. Or...yeah. Well, it's just that there was water and... him and... I'm so weak," she whined again, shaking her head.
Willow smiled empathically, reaching out a hand and stroking Buffy's shoulder comfortingly.
"You know that's only human, I hope," the former then said and Buffy returned her smile with some gratitude.
"I think - in this case - you're not really allowed to let your hormones get the better of you," she then murmured. "It's not exactly the average hello-sexy-guy-oh-please-just-..."
"Let's skip the rest," Willow interrupted and Buffy gave her an apologetic smile.
"Sorry..." she murmured, making Willow shake her head dismissively.
"It's just that it's sort of strange hearing you put 'Spike' and 'sexy guy' in the same context," she then explained.
"That's just it!" Buffy exclaimed. "See, I think it's strange myself! But when I'm with him... it's not."
At that Willow stared at her.
"So, there IS more?" she wondered, making Buffy grow self-conscious before she shook her head a little.
"There's something there..." she mumbled, slipping into her own thoughts as she continued: "He's... different from before. He cares, I know he does... He's funny - in an irritating and twisted kinda way... There's such gentleness in his eyes..."
As she trailed off the stillness crept into the room and settled between the two inhabitants in clear comfort. Willow letting Buffy's words sink in, and Buffy still lost in pictures from the past few days.
"When did all this really start?" Willow then asked and Buffy furrowed her brow slightly as she searched for the answer.
"For me? I honestly don't know how long I've been... I mean, subconsciously there's no way of telling just how I've been... I honestly don't know," she muttered, letting her hands slide through her hair.
"And for him?" Willow inquired, making Buffy look up and hesitate before she replied:
"He says... from the first time he saw me."
She tried to keep the smile back, but couldn't and it spread on her mouth as she looked down on her hands. Willow frowned again, observing the very obvious satisfaction on her friend's features.
"What else does he say?" she asked and Buffy cleared her throat, making the smile retract best she could before she met the redhead's gaze.
"I know this sounds absolutely bizarro world, believe me - it's not like I'M even done processing all of it," she started, but Willow cut in.
"It's not that there isn't chemistry," she said. "It's not that I haven't noticed it - as of late. When I saw you together that night, for example. And at your birthday party too. But... he doesn't have a soul. That's a major thing, isn't it?"
Buffy blinked, then got to her feet.
"Buffy," Willow said. "Are you sure you're not being set up? I mean, you're opening yourself up to him, I know you well enough to see that you are..."
"I've thought about all that," Buffy interrupted. "Over and over and over. It's just... he told me that he's... in love with me. And I don't know why, or how I even can - but I think I believe him. He makes me feel in ways I never could've dreamed that he would. But yeah, I still remember what he's done... who he's been in my life up until an incredibly short while ago and I admit, I can't help thinking... where did the darkness go, you know?"
Willow nodded her understanding.
"All that really matters to me is that you're happy," she then stated firmly. "Honestly, it's your decision. Spike is... I suppose in between the insistent kidnappings and coming-close-to-killings and tries-to-bite he can be pretty... dark."
Buffy smiled crookedly.
"It's the black clothes," she said, a fake-grave expression on; adding: "They can be SO misleading."
Willow smiled at that and then they both grew serious. Buffy sat down again, taking one of Willow's hands and asking:
"Do you really mean that part about me and the happy? You don't hate me?"
Willow smiled again, shaking her head.
"Of course I don't hate you!" she assured, squeezing the blonde's hand. "And I think I kinda get why you didn't tell me... You really did have to straighten it out for yourself first."
Buffy nodded, then frowned.
"I don't think I have yet," she murmured and Willow smiled widely.
"Are you in love with him?" she then asked and Buffy grew thoughtful before she answered:
"How could I be? He's so wrong for me."
Willow looked at her for a second before inquiring:
"Then how come he makes you feel so good? 'Cause he does, doesn't he?"
"Yeah," Buffy agreed quietly. "He really does."
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It truly is a treat as a writer to be able to hear so many thoughts and actually communicate with my readers. I love y'all for wanting to communicate back. Thanks so much for fabulous feedback and delicious support!
Very special thanks to thechosen, Night, Spikes Girl 4 ever!, Jay-D, Pine, Alyssa, qattaca, Callie, LizDarcy, Juliya, Jade2099, wolf116, VampiresKiss, Mel, Renee', Abby (*smiling widely here* Sucha boost to read that!) :), Rachel, Phyllis (on both! Thanks!), Willow (you read my mind with the Willow thing! Hope you liked!) ;), Von and Ape18 - to ALL great big fat thank yous for as always so great reviews! I'm SO glad you're still liking this!
Now on to the whole me freaking out over nothing at the end of the last chapter! Oh, WARNING - CONTAINS SMALL SPOILERS AS TO THE ENDING OF S7.
First of all - I should have started or at least ended the whole thing with clarifying that I didn't SEE the episode with my own two blue eyes - I read the much too unclear sum-up on UPN and if ANYONE read that as well (being as unspoiled as I was) they can vouch for me that it was B-A-D. So, I didn't have the advantage of actually witnessing the incredible acting skills of neither James nor Sarah - hence no facial expressions and no emotional expressions through those facial expressions what so ever. This would explain a lot as to why I reacted so strongly because on the UPN site they REALLY painted a not so pretty picture. At all.
Secondly - to the little details. The Angel bit was, to me - and bare with me here, I was in a state of shock pretty much from the first line - very poorly depicted on the site. I got the completely wrong idea but they just wrote that really badly. At least for someone who's mind was already clouding up with really bad visions. (No sugarplums dancing in them anywhere.) Then they made Buffy out as though she reacted to Spike "sulking" in the basement had her pretty much pissed off - which would have a light shine on the fact that she doesn't give a shhh what he's feeling. And the ending. Well. They really did a number on me there. It seemed as though Buffy just. I dunno. Gave a shrug that he had to die and then left him. And also like Spike saw the truth in her and knew that she really didn't love him at all. And that she looked into the rising sun with a smile on her face as though his sacrifice meant nothing but for the fact of letting her have the life she had always wanted.
Finally - I take it all back. All the things I saw in what I read has been completely demolished, vaporized by all you wonderful people. I had to get it out of me and now that it is gone, without even having a reason to ever be there in the first place, I feel so wonderful. And the ending - it fits. It's how it should be. As long as they get to finish it somehow with Buffy and Spike in the series finale or whatever of Angel. How they play that, of course, matters. But I'm still happy now. So, to ALL of you who took the time to write me in their reviews and over the email - I can't begin to express my gratitude. My ease of mind I owe completely to you! Thank you!
HOPE you liked this chapter as well! ;)
A.M.L, Annie.