*********************************TRAppED*****************************
Fifty: All That Matters
By Annie
2003-08-05
***********************************************************************
Day Thirty-Eight.
11.15 p.m.
"All right, good night, you two!" Joyce said, smiling as Buffy took a step forward to give her a peck on the cheek.
"Night, mom," the younger woman replied, returning the smile and stepping back to join Spike at his side, where she previously had been.
He had his hand on the doorknob, the door standing ajar as he waited for the other two to say their good-byes. He felt as though the smirk he wore was actually dreadfully close to stupid, but he couldn't get rid of it. He had thought the evening would be a nightmare. That, now that Joyce knew what he was to his daughter, she would be cold and distant; making it perfectly clear to the both of them how condemning she was of their budding relationship. But she had kept on with her questions and queries of his life and the world as it had been. Given the trade she was in he supposed her curiosity was natural, though he had been surprised how superbly humoristic she actually was of him not having a heart beat.
He had, of course, tried to steer clear of the more dark parts of his own history, but at times they had still managed to shine through - during which her mood grew slightly more reprimanding and her gaze even more so as she let it rest in his. At those times he truly had had to fight not to simply break eye contact.
"Good night, Joyce," he said, inclining his head and she turned hers in order to look at him. She still wore her smile and his smirk grew into mirroring it. "Thank you for dinner," he added and her smile widened at that. "You're really something in the kitchen," he flattered and now she laughed.
"Well, it's easy to be something of something when you have such well- mannered guests, isn't it?" she replied and now he smirked again.
"Well, it's simple to be well-mannered when you feel you're being welcomed. Innit?" he retorted and Buffy smiled at them before she intervened.
"I'm sure you could stand here for another hour exchanging pleasantries," she said, "and it's all good... But I have a lot I wanna talk over with my..." She trailed off, getting a suddenly warm expression in her eyes as she turned them on Spike and he smiled a little, reaching out a hand to take hers and having the emotion she instilled surge throughout him.
Joyce looked at them for a moment, then shook her head.
"You're right, of course," she sighed. "But let's see each other SOON, okay?" she added with a stern look at her daughter, who smiled and nodded her agreement.
Then she turned and walked through the door, pulling Spike with her, and with another round of "good nights" they closed the door behind them.
They paused on the doorstep, gazing into the night with unmistakable relaxation before they took the few steps and proceeded toward the sidewalk. They stayed silent for several blocks, enjoying each others company enough as it was and both unwilling to disturb the stillness.
It reminded Buffy of the walk they had shared home from the grassy hill where she had first admitted her dawning affections for him. They had been then as they were now and she couldn't help but turn her head and look up at him. He kept his gaze faced forward for a few moments and then smiled a small smile before he turned it to meet hers.
"Well, that went well," he finally said and Buffy let out a giggle before she stopped and put her arms around him.
"It's... so strange," she mumbled and he furrowed his brow, though she couldn't see it as his face was buried in her blonde locks. "To feel like I really have you... Like this is... happening," she added. "It's so liberating. I think I can finally breathe," she whispered and he held her to him tightly, it making her give a small cough as she pressed out: "NOT if you do that."
He laughed softly, releasing his grip as he pulled back to look down at her.
"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" he wondered and she smiled before standing on her toes and stroking her lips gently against his.
As she moved her head back and opened her eyes he did the same, looking down at her with an appreciative smirk on before he stated:
"I believe we can spin further on that subject, Ms. Summers."
***
Day Thirty-Nine.
1.14 a.m.
"You know what I've been thinking about?" Buffy asked, lying comfortably in Spike's arms.
They had decided to take refuge to his crypt, since they knew Willow was patient - but perhaps not patient enough to actually have them making love in the same room.
"What?" Spike asked.
"Well... that night when I... slapped you," she mumbled and he smiled at the memory.
"What about it?" he wondered.
"You said that no one had been able to resist you for that long... What did that mean?" she asked and he stirred so that she looked up at him and met his gaze. "What kind of relationship did you have with Drusilla? I just..."
"I didn't mean..." he interrupted, pausing as he searched for the right words. "'Seduce' can have different meaning, can't it? If it's with money or love or sex or power... or death," he murmured and she raised her eyebrows, at first not having the words come at her in their true meaning, but then they hit her and she blinked.
"Oh," she said, propping herself up on her elbows; eyes still resting in his as she observed him. "Oh," she repeated.
"Right..." he said, voice lowered, "I seduced them, easily... to kill."
"But you also added to the whole 'resisting' thing something like 'especially after you'd already had them once...'" Buffy remarked and he couldn't help but smile.
"You were really listening, weren't you?" he asked and she put on a coy expression which made his smirk grow and then it faded as he needed to find the answer to her words. "Well," he begun, "the 'kiss' of a vampire can be quite powerful." He moved her hair away from the right side of her neck which still carried the scars from one set of puncture wounds, fixing his eyes in her as he finished: "As I'm sure you're already aware."
She bit her lower lip before she looked away from him.
"Yeah," she murmured. "Wait... does that mean you kept some of them alive so you could feed off of them more than ju-...? Know what? I don't need details."
"Sorry, baby," he said and she gave him a calming smile to tell him that he wasn't freaking her out.
She wasn't exactly sure what she felt about it because it was so hard to transform his words into actuality; into what he had been and what he had done. Looking at him, feeling him, being near him - none of that made her think "killer", thus it was difficult for her mind to process the fact that that was what he still was, underneath. This, though, wasn't what she wanted to dig further into. And so she swallowed, then asked again:
"Your relationship with Dru...?"
"I'm not sure you wanna hear about this," he grumbled.
"Spike..."
"I'm not sure I wanna tell it," he added, looking close to pleading, but Buffy not only wanted to hear this tale - she needed to.
"Please," she therefore merely replied and his eyes seemed to see through her for a moment before he focused them in hers once more, giving a small nod.
"I can't analyze what I had with Dru..." he began slowly. "I guess a lot of it started with Angelus... Him being the self-proclaimed leader always ticked me off. I mean, we were a group of strong members and we didn't really NEED someone to tell us what we could and couldn't do. You know the kind of mentality the two ladies possessed, and Angelus was the only one who could even attempt to control them... 'Course Drusilla often tripped over herself to please him. To her he was everything strong and brave. He was like her father, her brother, her lover and her closest friend all in one... God, she was so bloody blinded, and so twisted, poor thing. All thanks to him..." Buffy looked away at that and Spike gritted his teeth as he watched her face, then grabbed a hold on himself and reminded himself that she was in HIS arms now, wasn't she? He continued: "Angelus was smart and fast and he seemed to have every single quality which I didn't. Cunning, self-control, instincts that had been developing over a century's time; and he used his advantages with no sodding mercy. I wanted to be better. I craved it almost as much as I thirsted for blood. I wanted to just once beat him at his own game... But he was always one step ahead of me.
"Drusilla had chosen me when she found me and turned me she chose me to be by her side and I was... but she still turned to Angel, she still went to him and his bed. She worshipped him. And I was more jealous of that than of anything else. You have to understand that I did love Dru, but... God, this is so hard to explain... I loved her in the way that I thought love was; she was like a piece of chocolate melting on my tongue, making me dread the day when she might just melt away. I knew she loved me too, and I knew she needed me, but I guess a part of me always expected it to in one way or another end... Well, it was sweet while it lasted, but now..." he paused and smiled a little.
"You don't have to pretend that you didn't feel something for Dru," Buffy murmured, though she returned his smile. "I mean, a hundred-and-twenty years isn't the kinda thing you just forget, you know?"
"Neither is your first true love," Spike replied quietly, holding her gaze and she blinked before she looked as though she was about to make protests when he added: "I just said that I DID love Drusilla, didn't I? What I was trying to tell you was that this, right here, is stronger; and it was bloody unbelievable to me when I first realized exactly how I feel about you... but over one hundred years or no - this feels more real."
She smiled a little at that, then kissed his shoulder before she moved the hand which had been resting on his chest and locked her fingers with his.
"So tell me all of it, then," she urged and he smirked.
"I'll tell you the most important 'alls'," he stated firmly and she rolled her eyes at him; which he completely discarded.
He looked for where he had left off and suddenly came to the conclusion of where his tale was heading. He swallowed. He didn't like this. Not one bit.
"So, Angelus was the head of the gang and I detested it with fervor. But about two years into our little families journeys we had to fight off a mob and for the first time we really had to do it together. We were bloody terrific too, I'll tell you that much... I guess it was the first time I gained some of his respect, and vice versa. After that we started to explore each other's strengths and weaknesses in a more... orderly fashion." Buffy raised her eyebrows. "You know," Spike elaborated. "Openly and not behind each other's backs... We had fun with it. We competed in everything, but on a kinda a more friendly basis... And finally we had an almost brotherly bond grow between us. I never thought it'd be severed, not ever! But then the nineteen hundreds came to a close, and so did our family..."
He trailed off, looking thoughtful and Buffy wondered if he mourned times that could have gone by with all four of the Scourge still together, in stead of just the duo of him and Drusilla.
That wasn't even close to what was on his mind. Something else had happened in the beginning of the twentieth century. Spike just wasn't sure if he was ready to speak so openly about something that was sure to affect her in a way that was not even in the outer vicinity of good.
"I told you about how I couldn't stand Dru being so tightly linked to Angelus that it didn't seem like she'd ever give him up to give herself to me completely... All my life I'd had to live with second place and I refused to do it in this life as well. When Angelus first told me the story of the Slayer I was more than intrigued by it; it became an obsession with me. Even Angelus seemed to hold a slight awe for the legend of the vampire killer, though he had never encountered her. And in this I saw it: my chance. And I sure as hell was gonna take it. It'd be twenty years till I actually got to prove to myself that I could do what I had decided by the last word of Angelus' story to do... You asked me where I got this, remember?" he wondered, letting his free hand grace the scar of his left eyebrow and she seemed to have stopped breathing as she slowly nodded her head. "It was during the Boxer rebellion, and the young Chinese who gave it to me was the first Slayer I tracked down and killed."
Buffy felt a twinge near her heart as she had the vivid picture of Spike biting through the tender skin on the woman's neck flying through her head, and she finally drew a small breath when she realized that she had been holding it for so long. She could have felt disgusted, outraged, abhorred or violated. But all she could really feel was a sudden pity as she read the weary and close to frightened look in his gaze as he watched her face with clear apprehension of what her reaction would be.
"Go on," she merely said, in lack of anything at all better, before she gave the hand she was holding a short squeeze.
It seemed to ease his worries at least a tad as he nodded.
"I guess this was the first time I felt as Angelus' equal. Doing something he had never done and succeeding in it. And it was what made me very suddenly earn close to all of Dru's affection, the last link with Angelus broke when we found out that he was souled. She was all mine after that, and in a way that was all I had ever wanted anyways. The travels, the different continents, the experience, the fights, even the kill - it didn't matter to me if she wasn't by my side. When the family was splintered in different directions a part of me hated Angelus with force for leaving without saying a bloody word to any of us. He just sodding up and disappeared... But another part reveled in it, loved that he betrayed Dru. Well, it wasn't till years and years later that we stumbled across the story of his cursed state."
He stopped, gazing up at the ceiling with another one of those faraway glances and Buffy rested her head in one hand in order to look at him for the while it took him to bring himself back to her.
"Drusilla," he then spoke up, "was a huntress if I ever saw one. She was cruel. She was beautiful. She moved with such grace and precision once she had targeted her prey that I could stand in the far corner of a room and still be able to tell whom she had in mind for herself. She taught me a lot of things, but most of all I think she brought out the resources which was born into me with her bite... She showed me how to use them. She loved to watch me charm and yes, seduce, a much too willing victim. She always demanded I share... which I did with pleasure... We were both deadly, but together we were nearly invincible. The passion we shared for everything we did..." He suddenly huffed, shook his head and turned his eyes once more in Buffy's before he said: "Everything was painted with blood. Everything we ever had between us was painted - IS painted in the blood of all of those we killed and I..."
Once again he trailed off, but this time he looked down at her and kept his gaze in hers before he quietly finished:
"I don't want that anymore. It feels far away... unimportant. The past."
She smiled at that, and then nodded.
"Buffy," he said hesitantly, making her wait a few seconds before he slowly continued: "What you said to your mom... about you and me... Did you mean it?"
Buffy looked at him for a long moment before she pulled up and kissed him softly on the lips.
Spike knew that that wasn't exactly an answer, but he also understood that she had been forced to state her case to her mom in a very firm manner, or it probably wouldn't have made an impact. And so, in light of the "no" or the wavering "I'm not sure" he could have gotten, he was quite happy about that kiss. Perhaps not satisfied, but happy.
"All I really know," she said as she pulled away from him again, "is that I wanna spend tomorrow with you. And I'm sure I wanna spend the next day with you too... but..."
"I know," he cut her off. "I know... but I can't help but bloody think of all the things your mom talked about. And you once said yourself that you'd want kiddies... a real family... I couldn't give you th-..."
"Spike," she stopped him, shaking her head a little. "One step at a time," she then smiled and he returned it before he ran his hands through her hair to let them rest behind her head.
"I love you," he whispered and she closed her eyes, letting her forehead softly rest against his.
"That's all that matters to me," she mumbled right before she placed another kiss on his mouth.
***
9.29 p.m.
"Leloch, Spike. Turundra ini surgh?"
Spike smirked, then inclined his head to the demon standing before him.
"Goraglog fidd," the bleached blonde replied. "Leloch etis achlah'ar." The demon gave a nod as well. "Rewtah'ar sott krid tozth," Spike finished, holding up two fingers.
The other demon reached up a hand and scratched its bald head as it seemed to consider what the vampire had just said and then it smiled with fleshy lips, showing off two rows of perfectly fitted fangs in either jaw, before it once again nodded.
"Krid tozth sott etis loora," it chuckled as Spike handed over a bag made of thick velvet and the demon brought out a wad of American dollars.
Carefully selecting two one-hundred dollar bills it then gave them to Spike. The other demon put the bag inside its cloak and made as to turn away when it seemed to pause itself.
"Crulach," it said hesitantly, turning back to Spike and observing the latter for a few seconds before it finished: "tetil sulaha'ar conva sira slayeralitc?"
"None of your business, mate," Spike stated with a dark look flashing in his blue eyes and the demon smiled widely before it gave a small bow and then quickly left the alley - in which the two had set a meeting.
Spike looked down at the money in his hand and then he stuffed it into one of the pockets of his duster before he proceeded the opposite way down the alley.
No more of this, he thought as he rounded the corner of the building and headed for the crypt. The Doctor's office is officially closed.
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I know I must've used up all my skip the tolerant waiting and go directly to patience cards which I very incognito handed out when I started this story - but I have to say that since this very surely will be the last time you have to actually wait for an installment I feel pretty confident that yet again you will show me understanding forgiveness.(please, please, please, there's only one - or two - more chapters left!!!) *tremble*
In my favor I tried to post this last night, but couldn't get onto the site! Anyways, all I can say is wow. Wow! Fifty chapters! As apposed to the six to ten I had originally planned! Okay, so as said there is one or perhaps even two more chapters left! So, I WILL see ya on the next one, right? ;)
Warm and special thanks to Leanne (Very happy you liked it, girl! So nice. But I have to disagree though, on the Spike turning Buffy thing. I don't think I could write a serious story based on him doing that because I don't think he ever would. He DOES react with his heart, but I believe his heart would state it to be wrong. It would be going too far, even for him. Well, that's just my oppinion and I know that was a thought of how this story will end, but I'll just ease your mind a bit and say nope, that's not one of the ways that it could.) ;), Captain (Well, that's more than lovely. I'll be seeing you around then? ;) And *grin* to the whole Buffy/Joyce deal - imagining yourself in the same situation makes it even trickier, doesn't it? *lol* I'm sad too, but I agree - every good thing has to come to an end. ;) Hope you'll like it once it arrives!) :), Mel (First, thanks for both reviews and on 48: cool that you think it's cool. And who wouldn't wanna spend a night in the same room as nekkid Spike, eh? *drewl* On 49: K, you thought the conversation between Giles and Spike was strange because...? *curious* Nice that you thought the Joyce part was to your liking though! Oh, and yeah, the Jesse bit is almost obvious, don't you think? I'm surprised Joss never brought it up on the show, he has sucha wonderful sense of detail.) :), Caitee (Thanks, girlie! And sorry it's late but here was some more! Hope ya liked it too!!!) :), Keleven (Really wonderful to read that! I'm so glad that you like it and thanks for letting me know!!! Okay, so I hope that ff.net has fessed up and let you read the next two chapters - otherwise you can always go to vampires-kiss.net where the story is also hosted by VampiresKiss - a truly fab sight!!! I've never seen that message before either... Just hope it works out and again, so happy that you've enjoyed the story thus far!!!) ;), ilpopi (Aw, what can I say but SO glad that you started at all and even more happy that you've enjoyed it for all these chapters! Wonderful that you liked the meeting with Joyce and how it went down. Oh, *tear*, it's sucha blessing to have readers who support you the way all of mine does and each time I read of regrets that this story is coming to a close I'm very touched, truly, so thank you! Thank YOU so much for thanking me. It is greatly appreciated! My head is bowed.) :), Meg (your words were more than incredible to read. Any time Trapped makes it to someone's top five is cause for celebration in my book, when it makes it to first place that's makes me all warmandfuzzy all over! Your comment about the characters made me really happy, thank you a whole lot! A.M.L.) :), FiFi Mash (Why, thank you for that compliment. *smile* I would in all honesty enjoy this versioin of season4 a whole lot more than Joss' too - but then, we're all suckers for some Spuffyness, aren't we? ;) Well, I'm glad you returned! And made it through the UST un- damaged. ;) Hehe, obliged, eh? I really, really wish I could, believe me! But I feel the inspiration for my other story returning and I really want to finish it. 'Course, I might not have any readers left - but I need to finish it for myself, you know? I know you put a little push in there - with the comment that you still have to see a S5 that properly addresses the issues etc. :) - and I wanna take the challenge and show you that I can present you with one. But... time is not on my side with this. Which sucks! You make my day with your last comments, though, because the story growing boring since the plot has already been laid out by Joss has been a concern with me. I'm happy I managed to "keep it tight and interesting"! Thanks a lot!) :), Night (Oh, my friend! I do apologize! But check my page, you'll see I wrote a message there last week telling you guys that this chapter was probably going to be rather on the late side... Again, I'm sorry that you had to wait for so freaking long and I really hope you enjoyed the chapter!) :) and Enchanted Dreamer (Wonderful to hear that you like it and well, really hope you liked this update as well!) :) - to all, I love you for all the feedback. I really do! The next installment will not be this late!
A.M.L, Annie.
Fifty: All That Matters
By Annie
2003-08-05
***********************************************************************
Day Thirty-Eight.
11.15 p.m.
"All right, good night, you two!" Joyce said, smiling as Buffy took a step forward to give her a peck on the cheek.
"Night, mom," the younger woman replied, returning the smile and stepping back to join Spike at his side, where she previously had been.
He had his hand on the doorknob, the door standing ajar as he waited for the other two to say their good-byes. He felt as though the smirk he wore was actually dreadfully close to stupid, but he couldn't get rid of it. He had thought the evening would be a nightmare. That, now that Joyce knew what he was to his daughter, she would be cold and distant; making it perfectly clear to the both of them how condemning she was of their budding relationship. But she had kept on with her questions and queries of his life and the world as it had been. Given the trade she was in he supposed her curiosity was natural, though he had been surprised how superbly humoristic she actually was of him not having a heart beat.
He had, of course, tried to steer clear of the more dark parts of his own history, but at times they had still managed to shine through - during which her mood grew slightly more reprimanding and her gaze even more so as she let it rest in his. At those times he truly had had to fight not to simply break eye contact.
"Good night, Joyce," he said, inclining his head and she turned hers in order to look at him. She still wore her smile and his smirk grew into mirroring it. "Thank you for dinner," he added and her smile widened at that. "You're really something in the kitchen," he flattered and now she laughed.
"Well, it's easy to be something of something when you have such well- mannered guests, isn't it?" she replied and now he smirked again.
"Well, it's simple to be well-mannered when you feel you're being welcomed. Innit?" he retorted and Buffy smiled at them before she intervened.
"I'm sure you could stand here for another hour exchanging pleasantries," she said, "and it's all good... But I have a lot I wanna talk over with my..." She trailed off, getting a suddenly warm expression in her eyes as she turned them on Spike and he smiled a little, reaching out a hand to take hers and having the emotion she instilled surge throughout him.
Joyce looked at them for a moment, then shook her head.
"You're right, of course," she sighed. "But let's see each other SOON, okay?" she added with a stern look at her daughter, who smiled and nodded her agreement.
Then she turned and walked through the door, pulling Spike with her, and with another round of "good nights" they closed the door behind them.
They paused on the doorstep, gazing into the night with unmistakable relaxation before they took the few steps and proceeded toward the sidewalk. They stayed silent for several blocks, enjoying each others company enough as it was and both unwilling to disturb the stillness.
It reminded Buffy of the walk they had shared home from the grassy hill where she had first admitted her dawning affections for him. They had been then as they were now and she couldn't help but turn her head and look up at him. He kept his gaze faced forward for a few moments and then smiled a small smile before he turned it to meet hers.
"Well, that went well," he finally said and Buffy let out a giggle before she stopped and put her arms around him.
"It's... so strange," she mumbled and he furrowed his brow, though she couldn't see it as his face was buried in her blonde locks. "To feel like I really have you... Like this is... happening," she added. "It's so liberating. I think I can finally breathe," she whispered and he held her to him tightly, it making her give a small cough as she pressed out: "NOT if you do that."
He laughed softly, releasing his grip as he pulled back to look down at her.
"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" he wondered and she smiled before standing on her toes and stroking her lips gently against his.
As she moved her head back and opened her eyes he did the same, looking down at her with an appreciative smirk on before he stated:
"I believe we can spin further on that subject, Ms. Summers."
***
Day Thirty-Nine.
1.14 a.m.
"You know what I've been thinking about?" Buffy asked, lying comfortably in Spike's arms.
They had decided to take refuge to his crypt, since they knew Willow was patient - but perhaps not patient enough to actually have them making love in the same room.
"What?" Spike asked.
"Well... that night when I... slapped you," she mumbled and he smiled at the memory.
"What about it?" he wondered.
"You said that no one had been able to resist you for that long... What did that mean?" she asked and he stirred so that she looked up at him and met his gaze. "What kind of relationship did you have with Drusilla? I just..."
"I didn't mean..." he interrupted, pausing as he searched for the right words. "'Seduce' can have different meaning, can't it? If it's with money or love or sex or power... or death," he murmured and she raised her eyebrows, at first not having the words come at her in their true meaning, but then they hit her and she blinked.
"Oh," she said, propping herself up on her elbows; eyes still resting in his as she observed him. "Oh," she repeated.
"Right..." he said, voice lowered, "I seduced them, easily... to kill."
"But you also added to the whole 'resisting' thing something like 'especially after you'd already had them once...'" Buffy remarked and he couldn't help but smile.
"You were really listening, weren't you?" he asked and she put on a coy expression which made his smirk grow and then it faded as he needed to find the answer to her words. "Well," he begun, "the 'kiss' of a vampire can be quite powerful." He moved her hair away from the right side of her neck which still carried the scars from one set of puncture wounds, fixing his eyes in her as he finished: "As I'm sure you're already aware."
She bit her lower lip before she looked away from him.
"Yeah," she murmured. "Wait... does that mean you kept some of them alive so you could feed off of them more than ju-...? Know what? I don't need details."
"Sorry, baby," he said and she gave him a calming smile to tell him that he wasn't freaking her out.
She wasn't exactly sure what she felt about it because it was so hard to transform his words into actuality; into what he had been and what he had done. Looking at him, feeling him, being near him - none of that made her think "killer", thus it was difficult for her mind to process the fact that that was what he still was, underneath. This, though, wasn't what she wanted to dig further into. And so she swallowed, then asked again:
"Your relationship with Dru...?"
"I'm not sure you wanna hear about this," he grumbled.
"Spike..."
"I'm not sure I wanna tell it," he added, looking close to pleading, but Buffy not only wanted to hear this tale - she needed to.
"Please," she therefore merely replied and his eyes seemed to see through her for a moment before he focused them in hers once more, giving a small nod.
"I can't analyze what I had with Dru..." he began slowly. "I guess a lot of it started with Angelus... Him being the self-proclaimed leader always ticked me off. I mean, we were a group of strong members and we didn't really NEED someone to tell us what we could and couldn't do. You know the kind of mentality the two ladies possessed, and Angelus was the only one who could even attempt to control them... 'Course Drusilla often tripped over herself to please him. To her he was everything strong and brave. He was like her father, her brother, her lover and her closest friend all in one... God, she was so bloody blinded, and so twisted, poor thing. All thanks to him..." Buffy looked away at that and Spike gritted his teeth as he watched her face, then grabbed a hold on himself and reminded himself that she was in HIS arms now, wasn't she? He continued: "Angelus was smart and fast and he seemed to have every single quality which I didn't. Cunning, self-control, instincts that had been developing over a century's time; and he used his advantages with no sodding mercy. I wanted to be better. I craved it almost as much as I thirsted for blood. I wanted to just once beat him at his own game... But he was always one step ahead of me.
"Drusilla had chosen me when she found me and turned me she chose me to be by her side and I was... but she still turned to Angel, she still went to him and his bed. She worshipped him. And I was more jealous of that than of anything else. You have to understand that I did love Dru, but... God, this is so hard to explain... I loved her in the way that I thought love was; she was like a piece of chocolate melting on my tongue, making me dread the day when she might just melt away. I knew she loved me too, and I knew she needed me, but I guess a part of me always expected it to in one way or another end... Well, it was sweet while it lasted, but now..." he paused and smiled a little.
"You don't have to pretend that you didn't feel something for Dru," Buffy murmured, though she returned his smile. "I mean, a hundred-and-twenty years isn't the kinda thing you just forget, you know?"
"Neither is your first true love," Spike replied quietly, holding her gaze and she blinked before she looked as though she was about to make protests when he added: "I just said that I DID love Drusilla, didn't I? What I was trying to tell you was that this, right here, is stronger; and it was bloody unbelievable to me when I first realized exactly how I feel about you... but over one hundred years or no - this feels more real."
She smiled a little at that, then kissed his shoulder before she moved the hand which had been resting on his chest and locked her fingers with his.
"So tell me all of it, then," she urged and he smirked.
"I'll tell you the most important 'alls'," he stated firmly and she rolled her eyes at him; which he completely discarded.
He looked for where he had left off and suddenly came to the conclusion of where his tale was heading. He swallowed. He didn't like this. Not one bit.
"So, Angelus was the head of the gang and I detested it with fervor. But about two years into our little families journeys we had to fight off a mob and for the first time we really had to do it together. We were bloody terrific too, I'll tell you that much... I guess it was the first time I gained some of his respect, and vice versa. After that we started to explore each other's strengths and weaknesses in a more... orderly fashion." Buffy raised her eyebrows. "You know," Spike elaborated. "Openly and not behind each other's backs... We had fun with it. We competed in everything, but on a kinda a more friendly basis... And finally we had an almost brotherly bond grow between us. I never thought it'd be severed, not ever! But then the nineteen hundreds came to a close, and so did our family..."
He trailed off, looking thoughtful and Buffy wondered if he mourned times that could have gone by with all four of the Scourge still together, in stead of just the duo of him and Drusilla.
That wasn't even close to what was on his mind. Something else had happened in the beginning of the twentieth century. Spike just wasn't sure if he was ready to speak so openly about something that was sure to affect her in a way that was not even in the outer vicinity of good.
"I told you about how I couldn't stand Dru being so tightly linked to Angelus that it didn't seem like she'd ever give him up to give herself to me completely... All my life I'd had to live with second place and I refused to do it in this life as well. When Angelus first told me the story of the Slayer I was more than intrigued by it; it became an obsession with me. Even Angelus seemed to hold a slight awe for the legend of the vampire killer, though he had never encountered her. And in this I saw it: my chance. And I sure as hell was gonna take it. It'd be twenty years till I actually got to prove to myself that I could do what I had decided by the last word of Angelus' story to do... You asked me where I got this, remember?" he wondered, letting his free hand grace the scar of his left eyebrow and she seemed to have stopped breathing as she slowly nodded her head. "It was during the Boxer rebellion, and the young Chinese who gave it to me was the first Slayer I tracked down and killed."
Buffy felt a twinge near her heart as she had the vivid picture of Spike biting through the tender skin on the woman's neck flying through her head, and she finally drew a small breath when she realized that she had been holding it for so long. She could have felt disgusted, outraged, abhorred or violated. But all she could really feel was a sudden pity as she read the weary and close to frightened look in his gaze as he watched her face with clear apprehension of what her reaction would be.
"Go on," she merely said, in lack of anything at all better, before she gave the hand she was holding a short squeeze.
It seemed to ease his worries at least a tad as he nodded.
"I guess this was the first time I felt as Angelus' equal. Doing something he had never done and succeeding in it. And it was what made me very suddenly earn close to all of Dru's affection, the last link with Angelus broke when we found out that he was souled. She was all mine after that, and in a way that was all I had ever wanted anyways. The travels, the different continents, the experience, the fights, even the kill - it didn't matter to me if she wasn't by my side. When the family was splintered in different directions a part of me hated Angelus with force for leaving without saying a bloody word to any of us. He just sodding up and disappeared... But another part reveled in it, loved that he betrayed Dru. Well, it wasn't till years and years later that we stumbled across the story of his cursed state."
He stopped, gazing up at the ceiling with another one of those faraway glances and Buffy rested her head in one hand in order to look at him for the while it took him to bring himself back to her.
"Drusilla," he then spoke up, "was a huntress if I ever saw one. She was cruel. She was beautiful. She moved with such grace and precision once she had targeted her prey that I could stand in the far corner of a room and still be able to tell whom she had in mind for herself. She taught me a lot of things, but most of all I think she brought out the resources which was born into me with her bite... She showed me how to use them. She loved to watch me charm and yes, seduce, a much too willing victim. She always demanded I share... which I did with pleasure... We were both deadly, but together we were nearly invincible. The passion we shared for everything we did..." He suddenly huffed, shook his head and turned his eyes once more in Buffy's before he said: "Everything was painted with blood. Everything we ever had between us was painted - IS painted in the blood of all of those we killed and I..."
Once again he trailed off, but this time he looked down at her and kept his gaze in hers before he quietly finished:
"I don't want that anymore. It feels far away... unimportant. The past."
She smiled at that, and then nodded.
"Buffy," he said hesitantly, making her wait a few seconds before he slowly continued: "What you said to your mom... about you and me... Did you mean it?"
Buffy looked at him for a long moment before she pulled up and kissed him softly on the lips.
Spike knew that that wasn't exactly an answer, but he also understood that she had been forced to state her case to her mom in a very firm manner, or it probably wouldn't have made an impact. And so, in light of the "no" or the wavering "I'm not sure" he could have gotten, he was quite happy about that kiss. Perhaps not satisfied, but happy.
"All I really know," she said as she pulled away from him again, "is that I wanna spend tomorrow with you. And I'm sure I wanna spend the next day with you too... but..."
"I know," he cut her off. "I know... but I can't help but bloody think of all the things your mom talked about. And you once said yourself that you'd want kiddies... a real family... I couldn't give you th-..."
"Spike," she stopped him, shaking her head a little. "One step at a time," she then smiled and he returned it before he ran his hands through her hair to let them rest behind her head.
"I love you," he whispered and she closed her eyes, letting her forehead softly rest against his.
"That's all that matters to me," she mumbled right before she placed another kiss on his mouth.
***
9.29 p.m.
"Leloch, Spike. Turundra ini surgh?"
Spike smirked, then inclined his head to the demon standing before him.
"Goraglog fidd," the bleached blonde replied. "Leloch etis achlah'ar." The demon gave a nod as well. "Rewtah'ar sott krid tozth," Spike finished, holding up two fingers.
The other demon reached up a hand and scratched its bald head as it seemed to consider what the vampire had just said and then it smiled with fleshy lips, showing off two rows of perfectly fitted fangs in either jaw, before it once again nodded.
"Krid tozth sott etis loora," it chuckled as Spike handed over a bag made of thick velvet and the demon brought out a wad of American dollars.
Carefully selecting two one-hundred dollar bills it then gave them to Spike. The other demon put the bag inside its cloak and made as to turn away when it seemed to pause itself.
"Crulach," it said hesitantly, turning back to Spike and observing the latter for a few seconds before it finished: "tetil sulaha'ar conva sira slayeralitc?"
"None of your business, mate," Spike stated with a dark look flashing in his blue eyes and the demon smiled widely before it gave a small bow and then quickly left the alley - in which the two had set a meeting.
Spike looked down at the money in his hand and then he stuffed it into one of the pockets of his duster before he proceeded the opposite way down the alley.
No more of this, he thought as he rounded the corner of the building and headed for the crypt. The Doctor's office is officially closed.
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I know I must've used up all my skip the tolerant waiting and go directly to patience cards which I very incognito handed out when I started this story - but I have to say that since this very surely will be the last time you have to actually wait for an installment I feel pretty confident that yet again you will show me understanding forgiveness.(please, please, please, there's only one - or two - more chapters left!!!) *tremble*
In my favor I tried to post this last night, but couldn't get onto the site! Anyways, all I can say is wow. Wow! Fifty chapters! As apposed to the six to ten I had originally planned! Okay, so as said there is one or perhaps even two more chapters left! So, I WILL see ya on the next one, right? ;)
Warm and special thanks to Leanne (Very happy you liked it, girl! So nice. But I have to disagree though, on the Spike turning Buffy thing. I don't think I could write a serious story based on him doing that because I don't think he ever would. He DOES react with his heart, but I believe his heart would state it to be wrong. It would be going too far, even for him. Well, that's just my oppinion and I know that was a thought of how this story will end, but I'll just ease your mind a bit and say nope, that's not one of the ways that it could.) ;), Captain (Well, that's more than lovely. I'll be seeing you around then? ;) And *grin* to the whole Buffy/Joyce deal - imagining yourself in the same situation makes it even trickier, doesn't it? *lol* I'm sad too, but I agree - every good thing has to come to an end. ;) Hope you'll like it once it arrives!) :), Mel (First, thanks for both reviews and on 48: cool that you think it's cool. And who wouldn't wanna spend a night in the same room as nekkid Spike, eh? *drewl* On 49: K, you thought the conversation between Giles and Spike was strange because...? *curious* Nice that you thought the Joyce part was to your liking though! Oh, and yeah, the Jesse bit is almost obvious, don't you think? I'm surprised Joss never brought it up on the show, he has sucha wonderful sense of detail.) :), Caitee (Thanks, girlie! And sorry it's late but here was some more! Hope ya liked it too!!!) :), Keleven (Really wonderful to read that! I'm so glad that you like it and thanks for letting me know!!! Okay, so I hope that ff.net has fessed up and let you read the next two chapters - otherwise you can always go to vampires-kiss.net where the story is also hosted by VampiresKiss - a truly fab sight!!! I've never seen that message before either... Just hope it works out and again, so happy that you've enjoyed the story thus far!!!) ;), ilpopi (Aw, what can I say but SO glad that you started at all and even more happy that you've enjoyed it for all these chapters! Wonderful that you liked the meeting with Joyce and how it went down. Oh, *tear*, it's sucha blessing to have readers who support you the way all of mine does and each time I read of regrets that this story is coming to a close I'm very touched, truly, so thank you! Thank YOU so much for thanking me. It is greatly appreciated! My head is bowed.) :), Meg (your words were more than incredible to read. Any time Trapped makes it to someone's top five is cause for celebration in my book, when it makes it to first place that's makes me all warmandfuzzy all over! Your comment about the characters made me really happy, thank you a whole lot! A.M.L.) :), FiFi Mash (Why, thank you for that compliment. *smile* I would in all honesty enjoy this versioin of season4 a whole lot more than Joss' too - but then, we're all suckers for some Spuffyness, aren't we? ;) Well, I'm glad you returned! And made it through the UST un- damaged. ;) Hehe, obliged, eh? I really, really wish I could, believe me! But I feel the inspiration for my other story returning and I really want to finish it. 'Course, I might not have any readers left - but I need to finish it for myself, you know? I know you put a little push in there - with the comment that you still have to see a S5 that properly addresses the issues etc. :) - and I wanna take the challenge and show you that I can present you with one. But... time is not on my side with this. Which sucks! You make my day with your last comments, though, because the story growing boring since the plot has already been laid out by Joss has been a concern with me. I'm happy I managed to "keep it tight and interesting"! Thanks a lot!) :), Night (Oh, my friend! I do apologize! But check my page, you'll see I wrote a message there last week telling you guys that this chapter was probably going to be rather on the late side... Again, I'm sorry that you had to wait for so freaking long and I really hope you enjoyed the chapter!) :) and Enchanted Dreamer (Wonderful to hear that you like it and well, really hope you liked this update as well!) :) - to all, I love you for all the feedback. I really do! The next installment will not be this late!
A.M.L, Annie.