Special thanks to my wonderful beta, Scattered Logic
Chapter 21: Grief and Guilt
The next morning Jareth awakened and got dressed, hoping that he could convince Sarah that she had misunderstood his words. He had feared that the truth might hurt her and that fear had become reality. He headed to the barn in search of her, only to discover that she wasn't there and the animals had already been fed.
He entered the kitchen from the back door and found her hard at work with Mrs. Henry, Elizabeth, Abby and Ellie.
"Abby, it's good to see that you are feeling better," he told the girl.
She smiled. "Thank you."
He made his way over to Sarah at the table where she worked preparing the dough for the biscuits. He was well aware of Mrs. Henry's eyes on him.
"I don't want to talk to you," Sarah told him, not even turning to look at him.
"Not even to let me explain?" he asked quietly.
"There's no explaining to do, now please, just leave me alone." Her voice was firm and Jareth didn't want to push her. She'd obviously made up her mind and he wasn't about to cause a scene in front of the rest of the household.
He nodded, more to himself. "Very well. As you wish."
It was only when he began to walk away that Sarah allowed herself to look at him. She'd expected him to be more demanding, yet he'd been quite the opposite. She shook her head, tried to ignore her pounding heart, and went back to what she was doing.
* * *
Two days passed in a hazy blur. Tension was still lingering between Jareth and Sarah with no end in sight. Neither ate properly or slept and that bothered both Mrs. Henry and Jacob. But soon another kind of tension was added when Jacob and Mr. Henry began to talk politics at the table.
There was tension at breakfast one morning, though this time it wasn't completely due to Jareth and Sarah's constantly unstable relationship. Mr. Henry and Jacob talked about an upcoming meeting planned. There had been reports of more and more skirmishes between the colonists and the British taking place. Fort Ticonderoga in New York had been captured by the colonists back in May, giving the colonists much needed military equipment which were brought to Boston. The same day that Ticonderoga was captured, the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia had elected John Hancock as its President.
The Continental Army was already gathering and there was talk that the Congress was going to appoint a general and commander-in-chief. There was talk of attacking the British in Boston very soon. It was obvious to everyone that the colonies were going to war.
Jacob watched Sarah's expression as the men talked. She seemed frightened and he could hardly blame her. He reached over and patted Sarah's shoulder. "You shouldn't let this upset you. Eat your breakfast. Should anyone at the house be in danger, we would pack up and leave immediately. But there is no immediate threat here. All the skirmishes are taking place up near Boston and at the military forts.
That didn't seem to comfort Sarah. The colonies were preparing for war and she and Jareth had been staging a war of their own amongst themselves. One that also was far from resolving.
She shook her head. "I'm just not hungry. If you'll excuse me." She got up from the table and went upstairs into her room, closing the door behind her.
Jacob sighed as he watched her go and he knew that Jareth was watching her, too. "I hope you're proud of what you've accomplished," Jacob spat at him. "This has been going on for three days and I'm very tired of it. She's going to make herself ill and it's your fault."
Jareth's eyes narrowed.
"Gentlemen, you will not quarrel at my table, " Mr. Henry said firmly. "Jacob, I'm sending you into town today with a list of supplies for the farm. It's a lengthy list."
"You've added more supplies than usual?" Jacob asked.
His father nodded. "We have no idea where the first battle will take place. I want to be certain that the farm is stocked in case we need to leave immediately."
Jareth's brows furrowed. "You are acting as if the fighting will begin around here."
"It's possible. One can never be too sure," Mr. Henry replied, taking a bite of a biscuit.
"Edgar, please don't talk like that. This farm is all we have. Where will we go if the fighting comes? What will happen to our family?" Mrs. Henry asked. She was obviously worried and suddenly the tension at the table became so thick that you could cut it with a knife.
"I don't know where we would go. As far away from the fighting IF it comes here. I don't want to take any chances with my family."
"I'll go into town today, as soon as we've eaten lunch. I have a few chores left to finish and will do those in the meantime," Jacob told him.
Mr. Henry nodded. "And we'll all go hunting in a few days, to make sure we're stocked up on meat. We'll see if you are able to handle a musket this time, Jareth. That shoulder of yours must be better."
"It's improving, though it's not completely healed."
"Regardless, if you can handle a musket, we'll need you to."
Jareth nodded.
* * *
There was a light tap at her door and Sarah sighed. "Who is it?"
The door opened slightly without her permission and Jacob poked his head into the room. He smiled at Sarah who was sitting on the edge of her bed.
"I'm sorry to intrude, but I'm going into town and I thought that you might like to accompany me."
"No, thank you," Sarah told him quickly.
"You'd prefer to sit around and mope all day?"
"I'm not moping."
"You are. You've been in here all morning. You didn't eat a thing at breakfast and you missed lunch altogether. You're not talking to anyone."
"Because I prefer to be alone," she insisted.
"Please travel with me into town. You'll feel better after a bit a fresh air and a change in your environment." He smiled sweetly. "In fact, I guarantee it."
Sarah sighed. Jacob wasn't going to give up. "All right. I'll go into town with you."
* * *
Jareth wasn't pleased when he learned that Sarah had gone into town with Jacob. He had been with Mr. Henry in the woodshed and had not known of the plans. If he had known, he would have forbidden her to go. The colonies were going to war and leaving the farm was not wise. And the fact that she had gone with Jacob as her guardian only made matters worse.
* * *
Sarah hated to admit it, but the ride to town did lift her spirits some. The wind felt good on her face and the change in scenery helped her to forget her problems momentarily. She had done nothing but think of Jareth for the last few days and that had been driving her insane.
Jacob drove the buggy to the General Store and pulled the chestnut mare to a halt. He helped Sarah down from the buggy and produced a long list written on parchment in black ink.
"Do you have to buy a few supplies or what?" she joked.
"Just a few," Jacob smiled. "You missed lunch and didn't eat breakfast and you've been eating like a bird these past few days." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a few coins. "Why don't you go to the guesthouse right there across the street and get yourself something to eat?"
Sarah shook her head. "I'm not hungry. Really, I'm fine. I'll help you get whatever supplies you need to buy."
Jacob grinned. "No, you go to the guesthouse and eat something and I will get the supplies."
"Jacob, I don't want to argue about this."
He smiled. "Neither do I." He opened her hand and placed the coins in them. "Now go eat something before you make yourself sick."
Sarah sighed. He wasn't going to back down and missing so many meals probably wasn't good for her. Finally, she nodded.
"Splendid. I'll find you when I've finished."
"All right."
"I'll walk you to the guesthouse and will be sure to tell Oliver to keep a close watch on you," Jacob told her as he put an arm around her to guide her across the street.
Sarah groaned and Jacob laughed. She didn't even know who Oliver was but the idea of having someone watch over her was none too pleasing.
* * *
Jacob had been serious when he had asked Oliver to keep a watch on her. The bald headed man had done nothing but stare at her the entire time. Which meant that she couldn't get out of eating. She ordered fish and a variety of shellfish and picked at it slowly.
Oliver questioned her if she didn't think it was cooked enough or if it wasn't to her tastes. He ran the establishment and obviously he wanted to please his guests, though he only seemed to be interested in pleasing her.
She smiled and told him it was fine, that she just wasn't very hungry. She forced herself to eat, which probably wasn't the best thing she could have done. She felt sick to her stomach immediately after.
Jacob returned a short while later, the wagon already loaded with supplies. He said other people had the same idea as his father and the store was out of many things. They'd have to make do what he had been able to buy.
"You look pale. Are you all right?" he asked as he helped her into the buggy.
"I'm ok. Just a little sick to my stomach."
Jacob frowned. "You're not letting what happened with Jareth continue to bother you, are you?"
She lowered her head. "Maybe I am."
Jacob climbed onto the seat beside her and turned the mare onto the road.
"How is Jareth doing?" she asked quietly.
Jacob's mouth dropped open. She was hurting because of the man and now she wanted to know how he was?
"I'm sure you've seen him. He's not eating, he's most likely not sleeping with the tired look in his eyes." Jacob turned to look at her. "Sarah, why do you care to even ask? He obviously hurt you. Let the man suffer a bit."
Sarah looked away, her expression one of anger and worry.
Jacob frowned. "What happened between you two? It must have been something fairly important for you to let it bother you."
Sarah returned her gaze to him, her expression one of anger. "I'd rather not talk about this, ok?"
Jacob opened his mouth to speak and she cut him off.
"I know you're only trying to help me out, but I really don't want help. This is something that I have to get over on my own. The only other person who can help me is Jareth and right now, I don't want to look at him. I-" She stopped and frowned as she suddenly felt extremely nauseous.
She lowered her head, squeezed her eyes shut and grabbed at her stomach.
Jacob was alarmed. "Sarah, are you all right?"
"My stomach is a little upset and I'm sure the bumpy ride isn't helping. I'll be fine once I get back to the house."
Jacob asked the mare to walk, hoping that Sarah would be all right once they returned.
* * *
Mrs. Henry exited the room and faced Jacob who stood in the hall.
"How is she?" Jacob asked.
"Not well, I'm afraid. She can't keep anything down." Mrs. Henry shook her head. "The poor dear. She spent a good deal of time in the outhouse before. I don't doubt that the stress of remaining upset with Jareth is causing this to happen. She's probably making herself ill over it."
"I'd like to wring his neck," Jacob spat. "And the only reason I won't is because this tension between them is bothering him just as badly." He sighed and shook his head. "Father said he was a wreck all afternoon. He couldn't get through any chores, he was constantly looking out toward the road to see when we were coming back."
"Jareth cares about Sarah even if he refuses to admit it to anyone," Mrs. Henry told her son.
Jacob looked into his mother's eyes and then sighed heavily. "He's proving that concern with how he's acting now. Well, you've seen him. Failing to complete the tasks asked of him. Father said Jareth was exhausted, that he hasn't been sleeping and he, too, has been skipping meals and eating like a bird." Jacob shook his head. "The man is like a riddle. In the past he's acted as if Sarah was special to him one moment and that she meant nothing the next. And now he's mistreating himself because she is upset about something he did!"
Jacob sighed, walked to the window just down the hall and gazed outside. He ran his fingers along the windowsill.
"He's not a riddle. He's confused about how he feels," Mrs. Henry said.
Jacob turned to face his mother. "What is there to be confused about! It's obvious what he feels! He's in love with her."
"Perhaps it's obvious to everyone else but him. I seem to remember a 17-year-old who was quite smitten with a blonde woman named Marguerite. He was the last to know what he felt while it was obvious to those around him."
Jacob sighed. "If Jareth…loves Sarah, why did he hurt her again?"
"Perhaps it was not intentional. It could be as he claimed, a misunderstanding. I heard Jareth in the kitchen a few days ago. He wanted to make things right between them and Sarah wouldn't allow it." Mrs. Henry sighed. "I know you fancy Sarah, Jacob, but it's best if you let her go. Jareth isn't going to give her up so easily."
Jacob's brows lowered. "What do you want me to do, Mama? Pretend my feelings don't exist?"
"So you do have feelings for her?"
"Of course I do! But those feelings don't mean a damn thing to Sarah while Jareth is around!" Jacob cried out. "Sarah is angry with him, but I know she wants to forgive him. I don't even know what went wrong between them, but she's searching herself for forgiveness. She asked me how he was and I told her that he wasn't eating or sleeping and she worried! She was worried about the person who's made her miserable!"
Mrs. Henry tilted her head and looked at her oldest son. "It's because she cares for him and she's attempting to forgive him, but something isn't letting her. She's a sweet girl, but I'm telling you, Jacob, it's best to be her friend and not a thing more. Don't go offer so much of yourself that you get hurt. You're leaving later this afternoon with your father and Jareth. You'll be riding with that man for hours and it's best if you just let this all die down."
Jacob sighed. "You're right. I'm allowing myself to get too involved. I should be worrying about more important things than a woman I obviously can't have. I should be worrying about the war. I've been ignorant. I haven't been to many meetings in town…That will change."
Mrs. Henry put a hand on her son's shoulder. "I know it's hard not to get involved. They live in our house and we've gotten to know them."
"It is difficult. But you're right, Mama. I should let this go and concentrate on more urgent matters at hand." He kissed her cheek. "As always you are my voice of reason."
Jacob walked off, leaving his mother to watch him go.
* * *
They had been riding for well over an hour and not one of them had said a word. Dan was full of energy and Jareth had to keep pulling him back to a walk. Finally, Dan seemed to figure out what the pace was and he settled down quietly behind Jacob and Mr. Henry's horses.
Jacob reined his chestnut toward Dan and he and Jareth rode in silence for a few moments.
"Sarah was worried about you. Did you know that?" Jacob asked quietly.
Jareth gazed at the young man cautiously. "No, I did not," he replied curtly.
"Well, she was. She asked about you when we were preparing to ride back to the farm. I didn't understand her concern."
Jareth only nodded, not sure how to reply.
"Look, I don't know what happened between you two, and I won't ask what went wrong, but I don't think it's wise for you both to continue acting as you are."
Jareth snorted and then laughed quietly.
Jacob's brows furrowed. "Have I said something amusing?"
"I fail to see what you have to gain by preaching to me about how I should act."
"I'm not preaching, I'm merely suggesting that perhaps some change is in order. You're both not eating or sleeping, that can't be good. Poor Sarah has made herself ill with worry and who knows what else."
Jareth looked away and Jacob realized that he'd struck a nerve. Jacob knew that Jareth had been upset when he had learned that Sarah was not well.
Jacob decided that speaking frankly was in order. "You know she is hurting and it's obvious that bothers you. I just don't understand why you won't speak to her. The longer you delay, the worse it will be."
Jareth sighed. "I've tried and she didn't wish to speak with me. I refuse to push her because I don't want to hurt her again."
"Well, why not try another approach? It's obvious that you feel something for her. Why don't you just tell her?"
Jareth's brows rose in alarm. "And how does my telling her what I feel assist you?"
"I'm not suggesting you tell her for my benefit." Jacob looked directly into Jareth's eyes. "I have chosen to stop trying to pursue Sarah."
"Isn't that just delightful," Jareth allowed sarcastically.
"Don't poke fun. I'm being completely serious." Jacob straightened himself in his saddle. "I should be thinking about the war and not chasing after a woman who has eyes for another man. Why don't you tell her how you feel?"
Jareth's tone became serious. "There is a very fine line between Sarah and myself. If I cross it, I could upset the balance of our already fragile friendship. It is a miracle in and of itself that we've managed to become friends. It seems that I've done enough damage and I refuse to inflict more."
Jacob shook his head. "I would think that you would try to repair the damage, regardless of whether or not she pushes you away. She's a good woman, though she seems frightened of some things and does not trust easily. She needs love and patience. She has a wonderful personality and is strong and mature for her age. She's also extremely beautiful. I would think she is the sort of woman that a man would die trying to protect." Jacob raised his brows and nudged his horse forward, leaving Jareth alone with his thoughts.
Jareth sighed heavily. The confusing feelings were stirring in his stomach again.
She's mortal…mortal… one part of him continued to say. But the voice had been growing quieter each day. A new voice had been taking over.
'What does it matter how long her lifespan is?…or if she has no magic, as long as she is a good person?'
Jareth shook his head and gave Dan a nudge to catch up to Jacob and his father who were talking politics. He attempted to let things lie for now.
* * *
Something seemed wrong as they rode to the house the following afternoon. Jacob and his father noticed that none of the women were waiting on the porch for their return.
"Perhaps they just haven't seen us yet," Jacob offered with a shrug.
"Your mother has never missed our return except when she was giving birth to your brother. Something is not right," Mr. Henry said.
Jareth frowned as he listened to the conversation. They rode to the house instead of the barn, hoping that something minor had happened or no one had bothered to look out the window.
The porch door swung open and Mrs. Henry rushed out on the porch wildly. "Oh, thank heavens that you have returned!" She looked exhausted. Her hair was coming out of the bun she usually wore it up in, her dress was wrinkled and she looked as if she had not slept at all the night before.
Mr. Henry dismounted his horse. The game they'd brought back didn't seem so important any longer when he saw the look of panic on his wife's face. He used his cane to steady himself. "What's wrong?"
Mrs. Henry caught her breath before she blurted. "It's Sarah."
Jareth jumped off Dan, his heart suddenly pounding in his chest. "What about Sarah?" He asked making his way toward the porch.
"Come into the house," she ordered and she turned to re-enter with Jareth at her heels. Jacob dismounted his horse and quickly followed.
Jareth charged up the stairs, taking two or three steps at a time as he went, keeping close to Mrs. Henry. When he entered the doorway to Sarah's room, his breath caught in his throat and his heart began to race faster.
Sarah was lying on her bed, her dark hair matted to her face. She was doubled over, holding her abdomen and moaning softly. She was drenched in sweat, her eyes clamped shut at the pain she was in.
Jareth took a shuddering breath.
Jacob gasped when he entered the doorway and saw Sarah. "Dear god…" he let out.
"What's wrong with her?" Jareth stepped into the room and made his way toward the bed. He didn't bother to hide his concern and fear.
Ellie was seated to Sarah's right attempting to calm the girl with soothing words and her gentle touch as she placed a damp cloth along Sarah's skin.
'She's dying…" Mrs. Henry choked out. There were tears in her eyes and when Mr. Henry appeared behind the group, she rushed into his arms. The older man comforted his wife.
"D-dying?" Jareth suddenly felt dizzy. "There has to be some mistake! She was fine other than an upset stomach when we left yesterday. How can she be dying? There has to be a mistake," he repeated.
Mrs. Henry shook her head and dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief that her husband provided from his pocket. "Doc Hiller left several hours ago. I had Thomas ride into town and fetch him early this morning when she wasn't getting better." Mrs. Henry choked out a sob. "She has cholera."
"Oh, dear lord." Jacob gasped. He quickly sought a chair and sat in it for fear that his legs would fail him.
Jareth looked puzzled. "Cholera?"
"A serious infection. It's often caused by eating spoiled food. It is usually found in the cities and not in the country. It can be fatal if not caught in time," Jacob told Jareth. He watched the blond haired man's hands begin to shake.
"She must have severe case of cholera," Mr. Henry injected gravely as he watched Sarah writhing in agony.
Mrs. Henry nodded. "We tried to get her to drink water mixed with salt but she can't keep anything down…She's beyond help."
"How long does she have?" the older man asked.
Mrs. Henry looked over at Sarah and then pressed her cheek against her husband's chest. "Doc Hiller said she wouldn't make it through the night. She may only have a few hours left, if that."
Jareth let out a shuddering breath. He felt dizzy and he sat down on the edge of Sarah's bed when the room began to spin. He glanced at her. She was still moaning, still clutching at her stomach. "How…?" he managed.
Mrs. Henry blew her nose into the handkerchief and then attempted to compose herself. "I'm not certain. Doc Hiller said there were 4 outbreaks of cholera in town since the day before yesterday. The only thing in common he could find was that they all ate at the guesthouse, but Sarah has never eaten there."
Jacob suddenly felt as if his stomach had fallen to his feet. "She has eaten there…"he said numbly.
"What?" Mrs. Henry asked. "When?"
"When I took her into town the day before yesterday. I gave her some coins and told her to eat something at the guesthouse while I picked up a few things. She hadn't touched any food at breakfast and had skipped lunch and I was worried. She didn't want to go, but I told her it was for the best. She needed to eat and she had some fish and shellfish. It must have been infected…Dear lord…this is my fault."
Jareth was on his feet in an instant. He rushed at Jacob, grasping the young man's collar. He pulled Jacob to his feet and pushed Jacob against the wall so forcefully that books tumbled from the bookshelf in the room. "This was YOUR doing?" he roared.
"Stop this madness right here and now! Pointing fingers isn't going to help." Mr. Henry pulled Jareth away from Jacob.
Jareth pulled away from Mr. Henry and teetered unsteadily on his feet. He was breathing heavily as he glared daggers at Jacob.
"No one is to blame here. Jacob was looking out for her best interests. How was he to know the food would be infected?" Mr. Henry tried to reason.
"He shouldn't have forced her to eat if she didn't want to!" Jareth cried out.
"She wasn't eating because of you! Maybe if you had been more considerate of her feelings and needs she wouldn't have stopped eating!" Jacob called back.
"You'll both stop this or you'll leave, " Mrs. Henry threatened.
"I'm not leaving Sarah. Not for any reason," Jareth told her firmly. His mismatched eyes bored into her eyes.
Mrs. Henry didn't doubt his words. They wouldn't be able to remove him without a fight.
Sarah suddenly cried out causing everyone to look at her. She buried her face down toward her chest, crying at the pain erupting in her lower abdomen.
Jareth was at her side in an instant. He felt his heart twist painfully in his chest as she began to cry. He felt helpless as he watched her.
Why had this happened and why now?
* * *
Jareth sat alone by Sarah's bed in the darkness. Only a single candle brought any light into the room.
The reverend had come to read what Mrs. Henry had called, "last rights" a few hours earlier. The family had remained in the room another hour or so before they left Jareth alone with Sarah.
Elizabeth had surprised everyone when she paid her respects and then left the room. While it was obvious that the blonde did not like Sarah, it was apparent that she had never wished for any real harm to come to her. Jacob had not wanted to leave Sarah, but Mrs. Henry had insisted and after a few tense moments, he, too, left the room. They left Jareth alone with Sarah and her deteriorating condition.
Jareth stroked the skin of Sarah's face. It was the first time he had ever touched her without his gloves on. She was cold to the touch, her lips an odd blue color. Her breathing was quick and shallow and every so often she would moan as pain hit her forcefully. She was so weak that she barely moved.
She had no idea where she was or who she was with. All she knew was the pain that was swallowing her and taking her slowly away from the living world.
Tears formed in Jareth's eyes and an attempt to blink them away didn't work. He raised Sarah's cool hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss there. He lowered her hand and ran his fingers through her hair. She looked terrible. The skin around her eyes and cheeks was sunken in. She looked nothing like the beautiful young woman whom he had taken from her home months ago.
Jareth leaned over her, continuing to stroke her hair. His hands shook as he touched her.
"You're so stubborn…You never let me apologize…" he whispered. "You never allowed me to tell you that you mean something to me…" He ran his fingers along her cheek, smoothing the soft skin. "Because you do mean something to me. Don't you realize that?" He tilted his head.
"I don't hate you…I don't want revenge and I don't blame you for what you did to my kingdom…not any longer. I know that you regret what you did…that you'd take it back if you could…You're different than the mortal that defeated my Labyrinth…She was a selfish child, but she's a woman now…"
A woman he realized that he would never kiss, would never hold in his arms again…. A woman who would never know what was really in his heart.
He lowered his head for a moment trying to compose himself and when he raised it, a tear was sliding down his cheek.
"You…can't leave me alone like this…" he choked. "I lied to you…I do need you…" He went back to touching her hair. His tear dripped onto her face and slid down her cheek as if she were the one crying.
He watched her and how she didn't respond to him at all. He buried his face into his hands unable to stand looking at the sight of her in her present condition. He didn't cry, but his body shook as if he was. He could feel his heart breaking painfully within his chest and he found it difficult to breathe.
He didn't understand why fate had done this to her or to him.
He was going to lose her….the only woman he had ever truly loved.
AN: Ducks from all the flying rotten peaches. Don't kill me or I can't finish the story! I know you all probably hate me right now, but I promise things will get better.