And here it is. The last chapter. Yes, after over a year I have finally managed to finish this story....*deep sigh*. It really took me a long time, didn't it? Anyway, I'm thankful for all the people who stayed with me and coaxed me into writing with their reviews. Without you, the story would have stayed the one-shot it was actually supposed to be.
Writing last chapters is somewhat both sad and satisfying - sad because the story has an end now, satisfying because now I don't have to worry about typing the next chapter. And of course I always want to make the last chapter special, but I don't know if I managed this. Anyway...I will probably write an epilogue to this - like 'One year later' or so, which shall show how Davis' life will be after he has dealt with all this. But it all depends on my timetable and my muse.
However, I don't want to stop you any longer, I know that you want to read the story. Now go, enjoy the last chapter and tell me what you think!
Broken Wings
by Kaeera
Chapter Ten: Everybody has a light
//I was dirty
thought I was dying
thought I was disappearing
but then they came and told me
that I was still the same
that I was still alive
that I could do it
and suddenly I realised something really important
Something I had forgotten long time ago
Never mind what happens
Never mind what they do to me
I made a promise
a promise I would never break
and never wished to
……
I promised never to give up
I promised to keep my spirit
and I never wanted to forget how to laugh
..…
It's time
It's time to keep my promise
It's time to make a new beginning//
~~~~~~~
I don't even know who I am. I have lost myself! How can I ever live again if I have lost myself???
That's the important question. I can feel it, burning in my heart. Who am I? Who is me? And who is Daisuke Motomiya?Am I just a body without a soul, or is my soul still there? Has it disappeared, is it broken, or will I be able to repair it?
I was scared. I was so damn scared that I felt like crying every time I saw one of the others. But then they came and told me that it wasn't true. That I hadn't lost my soul. That it was still there.
And there's still the same old energy that runs in my veins, the same old spirit, although it may be dampened.
I was surprised. I was shocked. I didn't want to believe them. I couldn't believe them. But then…I felt something else. It was different from everything I had felt so far, and so it was no wonder that I was surprised. I felt…
hope.
They were all so honest, so trustful, and I started to convince myself that maybe – maybe a little bit was true.
In order to live again, you must hold on something.
Yeah, I believe they were right with that. I forgot everything, even the things which were most important to me. Friendship. I have always believed that you can do anything as long as you have friends to rely on. I stopped believing that – I didn't trust my friends anymore, and therefore failed them. It's not them who weren't good friends – it was me. Although I own the crest of friendship, I forgot what it's all about. I stopped believing in one of the most important things of life, and that destroyed me. Because of that, I lost my hope.
But you don't have to cry alone
When they said that, when I saw in their eyes that they meant it, I finally realised what I really wanted. And who I really am.
I want to be able to return to my old life. I want to live with my sister, I want to visit Veemon, and I want to go out with the guys. Hell, I want to be able to laugh again! And now I know that I am able to do it. Because I am still me, you know?
I may have changed. I may have become more serious than I used to be. But they were right, really, they were. Daisuke Motomiya is there. Because Daisuke Motomiya is not only a smile and a big mouth and a goofy attitude. Those I have lost, and I don't know if I will ever be able to retain it again.
No, Daisuke Motomiya goes far deeper.
Daisuke, that is the boy who always stands up for his friends. That's the boy who promised himself never – ever – to give up again. That's the boy who wants to protect everybody he holds dear.
Daisuke Motomiya, that's me.
One week later:
Dr. Katashi smiled as the boy entered her office. "Hello Daisuke. It's good to see you again."
And it was true; Daisuke had improved greatly since his sudden escape a week ago. He talked more, tried to open up and was a lot of more cheerful than he used to be. Of course, cheerful wasn't the right word for it, he rarely even smiled, but alone the fact that he had smiled made a difference.
"Hello," his greeting was curt, like usual, but there was something glowing in his eyes which hadn't been there before. The brown wasn't dull anymore, but warm and full of hope. He still resembled a fragile kid, and he still was scared – Tamara Katashi had dealt with enough cases of abuse that she knew how long the road of recovery could take – but this boy had taken the first step, and that was the most important one.
Although, so she believed, he wouldn't have been able to do this without his friends. He really could himself call lucky; not many abused children could profit from so many caring friends.
"You are going home today, aren't you?" She chose her question carefully, wondering what kind of response she would get.
Daisuke averted his eyes. "I don't have a home anymore." he whispered. "But I will go to the orphanage today. Jun will pick me up after this session."
"Are you afraid?" She folded her arms, eyeing him intently.
Davis hesitated a moment, a frown crossing his pale features. "No…not really. I used to be. I used to be afraid because I thought that I never would feel at home there, and because I didn't want to live in an orphanage. It seems to be a scary thought. But then I realised that the place a called home wasn't a real home to me for the last year – and that I lost a real home years ago. So I really don't mind. Well, not that much. Jun says that the people are okay there, and they already promised me that I will be able to return to my old school."
"Oh yes, school. Are you looking forward to that, Davis?" Dr.Katashi asked, using his nickname for the first time. He didn't protest its use, didn't even acknowledge it.
He grinned slightly. "Well, not to the school – I never could stand the studying – but I guess I'm looking forward to having a bit of normalcy in my life. Being able to meet my friends again, being able to talk about senseless stuff like what to eat in the next break or so. I actually miss that."
"That's good." Dr.Katashi looked at him warmly. "You're a courageous boy, Daisuke. I'm really proud of you. Over the last few days, you've made a great improvement."
Daisuke blushed and looked down towards the ground, mumbling something incomprehensible.
"What did you say?" the woman leaned closer.
He coughed. "I said that I wouldn't have managed it without the support of my friends, and my sister. They helped me a great deal, and they were able to show me some important things I had forgotten during the time with…you know."
"With your father?"
He flinched at her words, as memories came rushing back to him. "Yes," he whispered, his voice barely audible.
Tamara Katashi stood up and walked around her desk, Daisuke never leaving her sight. "You know as well as I that you have just started, don't you, Davis? There's still a long way to go."
He nodded, and she continued. "I know that you can do it. You have managed the first few steps, and the next ones will be easier, because now you are able to rely on my help. You are able to deal with your present situation, but you are still shoving the thoughts of your past away."
"You will only be fully healed when you are able to speak freely with me about your father."
"That may take years, but don't be discouraged by that. You need to take it slowly, step by step. First try to remember him, recall certain events in your lessons with me, until you are able to tell your whole story."
His eyes widened. "I will never be able to do that!"
She laughed. "Oh yes, you will. Trust me."
Daisuke stared at her for a while, his own thoughts whirling. He didn't want to think of his father, because it made him feel depressed, but the doctor was probably right. No, the doctor was right. He had known that from the beginning.
The boy sighed deeply. "If you say so."
Silence fell over them, and Daisuke looked out of the window. The sun was shining – again – and for the first time in days – weeks – he was able to be happy about that fact. "Are you treating many children like me?" he asked suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, reverting his gaze to the female doctor.
She smiled at him, a warm, genuine smile. "Yes. I specialised on children who have been traumatized, meaning children who have gone through terrible things – abuse, rape, accidents, losing a loved one – or who have simply seen things which were too much for them, like murder."
"Are they…all…..like me?" He clutched his chair, not knowing where the sudden curiousity came from.
She seemed to know, though, and he found it strange. Tamara Katashi closed her eyes and leaned back.
"Not all, no. To be quite honest, you can't compare them. Each child has its own character and personality, his or her own way to react to things. So every 'case' is new, and you never can judge how it will end. Of course, there are some similarities. Abused children are either very violent or they tend to become apathetic and withdrawn – like now. It really depends very much on the person."
"What do you do if you can't help one child?"
The doctor laughed. "Davis, this sounds like an interview – it should be me who asks the questions! But I can understand why you want to know." A grave and serious expression appeared on her kind face.
"I always try my best, because it is my intention to make the children I treat laugh again. There's nothing worse than a child who has lost his or her laughter. But sometimes…sometimes that's not enough. Sometimes, the emotional scars are too deep, the pain inflicted too great, so that the children will never be healed. Some of them stay withdrawn for the rest of their life; and one of my kids – I don't like to call them cases – even committed suicide."
Daisuke gasped, unable to imagine that this friendly woman had failed.
"I know what you are thinking now," she looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "But Davis, you must understand that we, too, are only humans. We can only lead you on the right path, give you hints and a few nudges in the right direction, we can offer moral support and our trust. We can only lead you to the door, but it is you who must walk through. And if it's too late – if every spirit is destroyed, we won't be able to do anything. It is hard, and sometimes I wonder why I am doing this."
"I'm asking that myself."
She chuckled. "Because those are not the only child. I also have children like you, who are able to find the way back to their lives. And if I am able to be witness of such a second….birth, and even help along the way, that's reward enough."
Daisuke shook his head. "That sounds pathetic."
"It does?" Dr. Katashi smirked. "But it's the truth. Now it's your turn."
"Huh?" The boy frowned.
"Well, you asked me, now I get to ask you. That's only fair, isn't it?"
"I guess so…."
"You remember what I said before? That you must deal with everything in your past in order to heal?" She sat down on her chair again. "Well, we will begin with that immediately. Tell me about the day when your father stabbed you."
Daisuke froze. He quickly jerked his head away, as he felt tears prickling in his eyes. Why am I crying again? There's no need, to cry, don't cry, you know that you have to do this, you can do this, so don't cry…
"It's okay to cry," came the soft voice of the doctor, "You can cry while you tell me. Just…tell me, okay? You have as much time as you want."
Daisuke took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. His hands trembled, as he tried to express his feelings with words. It was far more difficult than he had thought it would be.
"It was….on this day…I failed a big test. I don't exactly remember what kind of test it was, I just know that I did really, really bad at it. I….hadn't been able to concentrate while writing it. I was already depressed when I walked home…no, afraid might be the better word." He laughed bitterly. "It sounds pretty weird to say that I was afraid of returning home, but I really was…..I remember how the sun was shining on this day, and I was watching some other children playing soccer, wishing that I was able to do the same – but I knew what was waiting for me. So I walked home, slower and slower…."
A small tear trickled down his cheek. "You know…I really didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go home because *he* would be there. But I just couldn't go elsewhere…it was as if an invisible force shoved me towards our apartment, towards this….man, which I used to call 'father'."
"He….was like he always was. Screamed at me. Hit me. Insulted me. And I cried. I wanted to run away. But I couldn't. I….just couldn't. So I stayed, and cried, and sobbed, and begged him to stop…."
Daisuke wiped some of the tears away and choked. "He…he never listened to me. He was even angrier when I started crying, but I couldn't help myself….I couldn't stop it, the tears just came, like now. I was…I was….trying….to do something, but nobody was there and I was all alone….I was scared!"
"I kept asking myself: Why? Why does he do this? Why…does he hurt me like that?....doesn't he love me?"
"I don't know what he was thinking…I will never understand why he did it. Never. But suddenly, he took the knife, the kitchen knife. And he looked at me….stared at me…with his eyes…I mean…." Daisuke stopped, trying to control the sobs which were racking his body. He didn't succeed, and spent the next few minutes crying silently. Dr. Katashi handed him a tissue and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Then he was able to regain his composure. "He yelled even more with the knife in his hands….and suddenly I knew that this was far more serious than I had thought. He was acting crazy, screaming and raging….and then he ran at me with the knife in his hand."
"I guess I was too scared to do something…"
"I mean, I actually saw him coming and realised what he was going to do, but I couldn't believe that this man…that my…my fa…"
"He scared me and I was like frozen…"
"And then I felt the impact in my stomach. I fell to the ground…"
"Everything was a blur, I can't remember everything…."
"But I know that I touched my stomach and looked at my blood covered hand. It hurt. It hurt so much that I wanted to cry, but I was already sobbing and trying to get away and…and…the only coherent thought in my mind was: you are going to ruin the carpet! My father will kill me!"
"Gosh!" He tried to grin, but it ended in a pained grimace. "He stabbed me and all I could think of was the floor!"
"I was so damn scared that I forgot about myself, until I started coughing and the pain raced like fire through my body…."
"Everything became dark as my vision blurred…and I felt relieved, strangely…I mean….you'd think that I was afraid, but I wasn't…"
"The only thing I thought was, at least it's over now."
"I thought I was dying, and I was happy about it. Because then this…man wouldn't hurt me anymore."
"I would just disappear. Forever."
He hesitated, sniffing loudly. His voice was barely above a whisper, as he continued. "Then I woke up in the hospital, with Jun by my side, but I…I….was not there. No. Not really. That's when the real nightmare started."
"Alright." She nodded sympathetically. "I think that's enough for today. You've done very well, Davis – I'm proud of you."
He didn't know what to say, just stared at his hands and wiped the tears away which were still running down his face. Somehow, the doctor's last statement made him feel better, it had been a long time since such a thing had been said to him.
"I believe your sister is waiting for you." Dr. Katashi announced and led the confused boy to the door. "Take care until our next meeting." She held her head closer to his. "And don't forget, Daisuke – home is not one place. Home can be anywhere, as long as you are with the people you love."
With those words, she shoved him out of the door, where Jun was already waiting for him, holding his bag in her hands. The girl's eyes widened as she saw the tearstained face of her younger brother.
"What have you done to him?" she asked, shock and accusation evident in her voice.
"It's okay, Jun ," Daisuke shook his head, "It's okay. We just dealt with some….traumatic events of my past" A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. "It's okay."
Jun looked at the doctor, at Daisuke, and then at the doctor again, unsure what to say or think of this. She didn't like the idea of her brother crying alone, but she understood as much to know that she couldn't be there all the time and that he had to learn how to deal with this alone.
"If you say so," the girl hesitantly agreed and bowed slightly to the woman. "Thank you, Dr. Katashi."
"There's nothing to thank me for," was the warm reply.
The Motomiya siblings left the building, walking towards the bus stop. Jun constantly glanced at her brother, who seemed to be deep in his own thoughts, not caring what was going on around him. The girl strongly resisted the urge to shake him and ask what exactly the doctor had wanted to know, and what she could do to make him feel better. But she stopped herself, knowing that sometimes it was better to be left alone to think about things.
Daisuke himself felt…strange. Recalling the events had been terrible, horrible, and he wished that he would never have to experience that again. But strangely, he realised somewhat surprised, it had helped. He felt a lot of easier now – it was far from feeling good, but it was another step he had taken.
Slowly he smiled, and this time it was a real smile.
What had she said?
Home can be anywhere, as long as you are with the people you love.
His smile broadened at this thought. Maybe she was right.
Out of the corner of his eyes he glanced at Jun, for the first time *really* realising how much his sister meant to him. Without her support, he would have committed suicide a long time ago. It was really funny, so he mused; years ago, he had always been jealous of the other digidestined who seemed to have such good relationships with their siblings. Daisuke had looked down on his sister. She didn't act like an older sibling at all – didn't go all overprotective and stuff like that – but now he had realised that he never really wanted that.
Jun was Jun, and she would never be a sister like Matt was a brother to Takeru. She was Jun, like Davis was Davis and would never become as caring and friendly as Hikari.
Jun had her own way of showing how much she cared for her brother, and she had done so over the last months.
"Davis?" the sudden question interrupted his thoughts. Jun, surprised at the fact that her brother was smiling so suddenly, had decided that she couldn't be silent any longer.
Daisuke turned around, looking at her for a long time without saying a word, a smile playing around his lips.
"Thank you," he said simply. "Thank you for everything."
Jun looked baffled at first, and then a grin spread about her face. "You're welcome, little brother. All the time."
"Do you want something to drink?" Ken asked, while throwing his backpack in a corner of the apartment. Daisuke shuffled behind him and shook his head.
"No, thanks. I'm not thirsty."
He flopped down on the bed in Ken's room, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. This was what he had missed – the normalcy of being able to walk over to Ken's and stay the afternoon at his best friend's apartment.
The blue-haired boy sat down on a chair opposite to Davis. "So, you will go back to school, huh?"
He nodded and looked out of the window. "Yeah, next week. The doctor said it was time and that it would help me a lot. I just hope that the others don't make a fuss about it, I couldn't stand that."
"Well, they probably will, after all, you were away for over two months." Ken pointed out, eyeing his friend closely.
"Do they….do they know about it?"
"What happened to you?"
"Yes…do they know about the thing…with my father?"
Ken hesitated for a moment. "No…no, not everyone, just us, your closest friends. The rest of the school thinks that you have been stabbed by a crazy madman in some dark alley. Nobody knows about your parents, unless you want them to know."
Daisuke breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good! I wouldn't survive the questions!"
His friend smiled slightly. "Are you really okay with it? Going back to school and all?"
"I don't know…" Davis admitted. "It's hard…I'd rather say no, but I know that can't do that. It would be like running away, and I have done enough of that over the last few months. I'm kinda looking forward to it. Everything was so strange, so out of place, maybe school can provide me with a sense of normalcy." He laughed quietly at this thought. "Imagine, me looking forward to going to school."
"Who would have guessed," commented Ken dryly. "but I think I understand what you mean. When something out of the ordinary happens, you just wish that everything would be normal again. And you yearn for the normalcy others seek to avoid – which is kind of ironic." He sighed deeply.
"It was the same with my brother, you know. When our life was normal, I hated it; I wanted to be the center of attention and felt jealous of him. But when he died, everything changed. First I wanted him back, and then I ran away, in both my mind and reality. I focused on being the best, and forgot that I only wanted to have my brother back, my brother and a normal life. So yes, I guess I can understand what you are feeling. You don't want to face the truth because it's so painful, so you try to hide. But someday it will all come out, and then it may break you."
"Is it ever less painful?" Davis asked softly, leaning his head on the pillow.
"Yes. Yes, it is." Ken closed his eyes. "You never expect it to be, but the pain dissolves with the time, and someday you will be able to think about it without
crying or feeling like hurting someone."
"What a relief," was the muttered reply, and Ken laughed.
"Some things take time, Davis. And you are already much better than you were in the beginning when you didn't talk! At least you can laugh again!"
"You're right." Daisuke smiled. "That was really an odd time. I don't remember everything, but Jun told me about it. I didn't speak a word and just stared out of the window. It's strange, because all I remember is that I had weird dreams and suddenly I was trapped in my own body, in a strange room I didn't know. Sometimes I wanted to speak, but no words would come. Then there were the times when I simply didn't care. Everything was a blur, I didn't know the difference between the days, and I didn't pay attention to your visits. It's kind of ….freaky."
"It was freaky for us as well." Ken's voice was thoughtful. "At first, it was like a bomb had been dropped on us, as we received the news of what happened. And then, when I visited you, I was so worried and scared, because…well…because you didn't talk at all. You just stared at me, and I knew that you needed help, but I couldn't give you my help because you wouldn't accept it!"
He leaned back in his chair, his blue hair falling into his face. "That was the most frustrating thing, I guess. We wanted to help you, wanted to comfort you, but you wouldn't let us. There was a wall around you we couldn't destroy, and it really discouraged me. I felt so guilty because I'm supposed to be your best friend and wasn't able to help you. And I felt hatred for the man who caused all this. Believe me, at that very moment, I would have strangled him if he had been in the same room!"
Daisuke shifted uncomfortably on his seat, and Ken realised that it was because he had mentioned his father. Although the boy was much better now, he still couldn't speak about him, and what he had done. "Sorry," Ken apologised.
"It's okay." Davis smiled weakly. "I have to get used to it."
"Yeah, but not everything at once." Ken stood up and stretched his arms. "It was a difficult time for us all, but you have once again proven why you are the bearer of the crests of friendship and courage. I'm glad that you finally found your way back to us."
"I'm happy about that, too." The brown-haired boy whispered. "It will get better, won't it?"
Ken smiled brightly at him. "Of course it will!", he glanced out of the window. "Now, what shall we do? The sun is shining and the weather is too good to stay inside."
Daisuke followed his gaze and started grinning. "Well…we could go to the park and play soccer."
Ken frowned. "Are you allowed to play soccer? You were stabbed, don't forget that tiny detail."
"Ahh, come on, I'll be going to school next week, a little soccer playing won't hurt." Daisuke waved it off. "Besides, I need to do something. Sitting in the hospital has done nothing good for me!"
"Well…okay, as long as you don't overdo it!" His friend advised sternly.
"I won't!" The brown-haired boy jumped up, grabbing the soccer ball which was lying in a corner of the room.
Ken simply shook his head. "Sure." He knew his friend better than that. But he still smiled, feeling glad at the fact that the old glow in Daisuke's eyes had reappeared. He was unable to refuse his friend anything that would brighten the glow even further.
Both boys went to the park. It was full of people who had had the same idea of enjoying the bright afternoon sun. Many children were already out on the grass, playing various games, and the two boys soon found a few teens at their own age to play soccer with.
It still wasn't over; it never would be. But Daisuke had learned how to laugh again, and that was the most important step. Everything else would follow. And with the help of the people he loved, he would simply live again….and enjoy it.
"Hey, Ken…bet you can't get the ball off me!"
"Are ya joking, Motomiya? That's too easy!"
"Really? Well, then try…."
But you can learn to live with them
Finished! (Only the epilogue left!)
Reviews would be greatly appreciated! And thanks for everyone who offered to beta....I really appreciated it!
Jesse Matsuda - Yes, and I think the one-year birthday has passed now. Phew, quite a long time to take for a fanfic, not? Hopefully the result was worth it! I enjoyed writing it, although it was very difficult at times. Thanks for the review!
Silent Bob - Wow...*blushes* I'm flabbergasted! Your compliments were really nice. I'm glad that you like this fic that much...and as for flames, I think I HAVE received a flame somewhere, which said 'I hate Davis' or something like that, but I don't remember it exactly. It was such a pointless flame that I just shook my head and forgot it. I didn't delete it, so it must still linger somewhere out there...dunno. Anyway, thanks for your kind words! You don't know how hapyp I am to hear them!
Gato Goddess - Yes, I am expecting your review! Tell me what you think about the last chapter! Running away is a very common solution to problems, isn't it? But now Davis has stopped trying to escape, so it should be okay...although 'okay' is a very farstretched noun.
SnowTiger - Your mind is a blur? Oh, I can totally understand that. Mine's always liek that! *snickers* Well, I hope you can think a bit clearer this time...and thanks for the review!
Ben Myatt - Anything to say? Err...don't start the gamer language, too....I can never understand it. I'm glad that I can understand English, and then they change it like that...