Title: The Return
Author: twbird18
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own Harm or Mac. Never did. Never will. And I'm a poor
grad student who owes thousands of dollars so if you sue me all you'll get
is me declaring bankruptcy :-)
Spoilers: anything
Summary: Harm and Mac finally say what they really think about each other
Email: twbird18@yahoo.com
Author's note: Since I'm not sure where Cloe sleeps when she visits Mac,
I've decided there must be an extra bedroom in Mac's apartment. Feedback
Please! Do you want another part to this story? Or just leave it like it
is? More importantly, what don't you like about the story and what can I
do better?
Previous Part:
"I'm sorry, Harm. God, How do we let things get so mixed up? We're here now and we both have time. Maybe it's time we finally try to talk with both of us listening and not jumping to conclusions and then maybe we could figure out together how we're going to salvage you career again." I say.
"Okay." Harm says taking a deep breath. "I don't even know where to begin anymore."
"Just say what's on you mind. Be honest." Mac articulated. "Keeping everything from each other is how we keep ending up in this mess."
"Okay."
Part 2
'I'm sitting here looking at Harm in silence as he stares at the floor. We've been sitting here for a few minutes now. Clearly, one of us needs to say something to get us started. Say something; I command my mouth to open without even deciding what I'm going to say. "Let's start with something easy and see if we can't work are way up to other thing. Why did you come after me when the Admiral told you not to?"
"Why? Lots of reasons Mac. The least of which is that I figured it was about time I returned the favor. How many times have you saved me?" Harm pauses for a second noticing that I'm about to answer that question, "Wait, don't answer that. Anyway, I knew you needed help and it didn't look like you were going to get any. I couldn't just leave you there.I had to come and help you."
"So, you came to repay the favor?" 'Gee thanks Harm, just what I always wanted to here.' "Come on Harm. I thought we were going to be honest with each other. You didn't take the chance that you would no longer have your career just so you could pay me back for helping you before."
"I am being honest. I'm always honest with me.you just don't always understand what I'm trying to say. When you asked me what I would sacrifice to have you, you didn't wait long enough to get my answer. This is my answer. I learned it from you. You would risk anything including your career, if it meant helping me. That's that favor I'm trying to repay. Having my career wouldn't mean a thing if you weren't there at JAG with me everyday." Harm said giving me a lopsided grin. "What I've learned from you is that life is only good if you have your friends there with you."
"So, what you're saying is that you learned something from me, flyboy. Better not let your buddies here you say that." I say teasingly, returning Harm's smile.
"I've learned a lot of things from you over the years, Mac. Too bad one of them is not how to make you understand what I say to you." Harm replied, the smile leaving his face, becoming serious once again.
"Well, I guess you'll just have to keep trying, Harm. Maybe one day you'll learn how to speak English like the rest of us." I answer back trying to keep things from getting to serious.
"I do speak English. I just thing that we don't always listen to what each other is say. I mean, only the two of us could have a serious conversation one day with me asking you to wait and you end up with a ring from another man a couple days later." Harm says seriously.
I sigh, frowning slightly, not really wanting to talk about this again. "You didn't just ask me to wait like a normal man would Harm. You didn't say how you felt. You just said that I would have to wait. A girl can't wait forever for you to make up your mind. Besides, it's not like you just sit at home waiting for the right moment to come. Why shouldn't I have taken the opportunity to try to be happy." I stop talking realizing that I'm starting to sound defensive and I know that I didn't do anything wrong.
"Relax, Mac. I'm just making a point. What I mean to say and what you hear from me are two completely different things. No wonder we can't get it right." Harm stops for a moment gathering his thoughts before continuing. "Let's forget about what happened in the past. I just want you to be sure that what you think I'm saying is actually what I'm saying, ok?" Harm asks.
"Okay."
"I resigned to come after you because I knew that if it was me that is what you would do. You would have done whatever it took to help me because you care about me the way nobody else ever has." Harm says slowly, looking a little embarrassed. "I wanted you to know that is how I feel about you too. I tried to tell you before you left, but you didn't want to listen. I couldn't take the chance that you would die and think that I was a friend who had never really been worth all the effort you've put into our friendship. I know you think I haven't noticed, but I know that no matter what I said or how I was running from our friendship, you were always there waiting for me to come back. This time, you weren't waiting and you might not have made it back without my help, so I came."
I smile at Harm, blinking back tears, but don't say anything, letting him finish what he has to say.
"I should be holding up my side of our friendship. If I can't do that, then I should have let you go before. I know that it was my selfishness that kept you from being married now. Mic may not have been the love of your life, but even I could see that he loved you. He would have done whatever he could have to make you happy, but I couldn't even bring myself to be there for you at your wedding. I knew my quals would interfere with my ability to be there and I could have changed them, but I didn't. And then, instead of being there for you, my best friend, I was there for some woman I didn't even know for that long." Harm stops, looking at me to make sure I'm still with him before continuing. "What I'm trying to say, Mac, is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I did wrong before, but nothing I have now would mean anything to me if you weren't here to share it with me. That's why I resigned to come after you. I don't care about my career if you can't be there with me."
"Oh Harm. Everything in the world is not your fault. I'm glad to hear that you finally realize who your best friend is, but everything that happened in the past didn't happen because you did something wrong. I could just have easily done something different. I could have turned Mic down. I could have waited after that night on the ferry. I could have come up to your apartment like you told me to even after I saw Renee there. I could have listened to you when you tried to talk to me this year. But I didn't do any of those things. I was hurt and I didn't want you to be able to hurt me any more. I have always known JAG wouldn't be the same without you, why do you think I cried when you left. Marines don't cry, but I knew even back then it wouldn't be the same if you weren't there." I pause for a second, trying to decide what to say next. "But Harm what if the Admiral can't give you your career back. We still won't be there together."
"I'm not worried about that Mac. It's not important anymore, whether or not we get to work together. What's important is that we get to be together. It may have taken me years to realize what you already knew, but what I know now is that you're not just my best friend who I want to see every day and work with. " Harm takes a deep breath. "You're my best friend who I love and want to be with everyday, no matter where that is. I can't promise that I won't ever hurt you again, but I can promise that I will never hurt you on purpose Mac. Maybe the Admiral can make the right and we'll be able to keep working together at JAG but if he can't that's ok, as long as you're willing to take the chance that I'm finally ready for you."
I look at Harm, the beginnings of a smile forming as I take in what he just said. 'I'm pretty sure Harm just said he loved me.' "Wait a second Harm.Go back to the part where you said I was your best friend again."
Harm looks at me smiling, that grin that lights up his face and makes me want to do anything he asks me to. "I love you, Sarah Mackenzie. I'm saying it so you won't have to figure out what I'm trying to say. I love you and it's more important to have you in my life than to be able to work at JAG." Harm breaks off momentarily, watching my reaction, but I'm not sure what kind of reaction he's expecting. "I always thought that when I was finally able to say the words I feel, I'd have to stop you from knocking me over or at least you'd say something." Harm teases, but still starting to look a little uncomfortable.
'Harm loves me. I heard him say it. I didn't think he would ever be able to tell me how he felt.' I look wide eyed at Harm a moment longer before I realize that I should probably say something. After all the man I love finally told me he loved me. "Harm, I love you." I say scooting closer to him on the couch, my injuries preventing me from a more exuberant display. "I just didn't think you would ever say it to me." I manage to get out before Harm leans over slowly being careful of my injuries and kisses me, knocking every other thought out of my mind.
Harm pulls back first, slowly letting go of me. "I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to tell you Sarah. I don't know why it was so hard for me to say it to you, except that I mean it. I don't know what's going to happen on Monday morning, but it doesn't matter as long as I have you. It's late. I know you have to be tired and it's probably time for you to take some more medicine. I'm going to head home, but I'll be back in the morning with breakfast when you wake up. Okay?"
"Okay, Harm." I answer, a little surprised that he's not insisting on staying the night in Cloe's bed like he's done in the past, but now that's he's mentioned, too tired to really wonder about it. With a quick kiss goodbye, he was out the door.
End
Previous Part:
"I'm sorry, Harm. God, How do we let things get so mixed up? We're here now and we both have time. Maybe it's time we finally try to talk with both of us listening and not jumping to conclusions and then maybe we could figure out together how we're going to salvage you career again." I say.
"Okay." Harm says taking a deep breath. "I don't even know where to begin anymore."
"Just say what's on you mind. Be honest." Mac articulated. "Keeping everything from each other is how we keep ending up in this mess."
"Okay."
Part 2
'I'm sitting here looking at Harm in silence as he stares at the floor. We've been sitting here for a few minutes now. Clearly, one of us needs to say something to get us started. Say something; I command my mouth to open without even deciding what I'm going to say. "Let's start with something easy and see if we can't work are way up to other thing. Why did you come after me when the Admiral told you not to?"
"Why? Lots of reasons Mac. The least of which is that I figured it was about time I returned the favor. How many times have you saved me?" Harm pauses for a second noticing that I'm about to answer that question, "Wait, don't answer that. Anyway, I knew you needed help and it didn't look like you were going to get any. I couldn't just leave you there.I had to come and help you."
"So, you came to repay the favor?" 'Gee thanks Harm, just what I always wanted to here.' "Come on Harm. I thought we were going to be honest with each other. You didn't take the chance that you would no longer have your career just so you could pay me back for helping you before."
"I am being honest. I'm always honest with me.you just don't always understand what I'm trying to say. When you asked me what I would sacrifice to have you, you didn't wait long enough to get my answer. This is my answer. I learned it from you. You would risk anything including your career, if it meant helping me. That's that favor I'm trying to repay. Having my career wouldn't mean a thing if you weren't there at JAG with me everyday." Harm said giving me a lopsided grin. "What I've learned from you is that life is only good if you have your friends there with you."
"So, what you're saying is that you learned something from me, flyboy. Better not let your buddies here you say that." I say teasingly, returning Harm's smile.
"I've learned a lot of things from you over the years, Mac. Too bad one of them is not how to make you understand what I say to you." Harm replied, the smile leaving his face, becoming serious once again.
"Well, I guess you'll just have to keep trying, Harm. Maybe one day you'll learn how to speak English like the rest of us." I answer back trying to keep things from getting to serious.
"I do speak English. I just thing that we don't always listen to what each other is say. I mean, only the two of us could have a serious conversation one day with me asking you to wait and you end up with a ring from another man a couple days later." Harm says seriously.
I sigh, frowning slightly, not really wanting to talk about this again. "You didn't just ask me to wait like a normal man would Harm. You didn't say how you felt. You just said that I would have to wait. A girl can't wait forever for you to make up your mind. Besides, it's not like you just sit at home waiting for the right moment to come. Why shouldn't I have taken the opportunity to try to be happy." I stop talking realizing that I'm starting to sound defensive and I know that I didn't do anything wrong.
"Relax, Mac. I'm just making a point. What I mean to say and what you hear from me are two completely different things. No wonder we can't get it right." Harm stops for a moment gathering his thoughts before continuing. "Let's forget about what happened in the past. I just want you to be sure that what you think I'm saying is actually what I'm saying, ok?" Harm asks.
"Okay."
"I resigned to come after you because I knew that if it was me that is what you would do. You would have done whatever it took to help me because you care about me the way nobody else ever has." Harm says slowly, looking a little embarrassed. "I wanted you to know that is how I feel about you too. I tried to tell you before you left, but you didn't want to listen. I couldn't take the chance that you would die and think that I was a friend who had never really been worth all the effort you've put into our friendship. I know you think I haven't noticed, but I know that no matter what I said or how I was running from our friendship, you were always there waiting for me to come back. This time, you weren't waiting and you might not have made it back without my help, so I came."
I smile at Harm, blinking back tears, but don't say anything, letting him finish what he has to say.
"I should be holding up my side of our friendship. If I can't do that, then I should have let you go before. I know that it was my selfishness that kept you from being married now. Mic may not have been the love of your life, but even I could see that he loved you. He would have done whatever he could have to make you happy, but I couldn't even bring myself to be there for you at your wedding. I knew my quals would interfere with my ability to be there and I could have changed them, but I didn't. And then, instead of being there for you, my best friend, I was there for some woman I didn't even know for that long." Harm stops, looking at me to make sure I'm still with him before continuing. "What I'm trying to say, Mac, is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I did wrong before, but nothing I have now would mean anything to me if you weren't here to share it with me. That's why I resigned to come after you. I don't care about my career if you can't be there with me."
"Oh Harm. Everything in the world is not your fault. I'm glad to hear that you finally realize who your best friend is, but everything that happened in the past didn't happen because you did something wrong. I could just have easily done something different. I could have turned Mic down. I could have waited after that night on the ferry. I could have come up to your apartment like you told me to even after I saw Renee there. I could have listened to you when you tried to talk to me this year. But I didn't do any of those things. I was hurt and I didn't want you to be able to hurt me any more. I have always known JAG wouldn't be the same without you, why do you think I cried when you left. Marines don't cry, but I knew even back then it wouldn't be the same if you weren't there." I pause for a second, trying to decide what to say next. "But Harm what if the Admiral can't give you your career back. We still won't be there together."
"I'm not worried about that Mac. It's not important anymore, whether or not we get to work together. What's important is that we get to be together. It may have taken me years to realize what you already knew, but what I know now is that you're not just my best friend who I want to see every day and work with. " Harm takes a deep breath. "You're my best friend who I love and want to be with everyday, no matter where that is. I can't promise that I won't ever hurt you again, but I can promise that I will never hurt you on purpose Mac. Maybe the Admiral can make the right and we'll be able to keep working together at JAG but if he can't that's ok, as long as you're willing to take the chance that I'm finally ready for you."
I look at Harm, the beginnings of a smile forming as I take in what he just said. 'I'm pretty sure Harm just said he loved me.' "Wait a second Harm.Go back to the part where you said I was your best friend again."
Harm looks at me smiling, that grin that lights up his face and makes me want to do anything he asks me to. "I love you, Sarah Mackenzie. I'm saying it so you won't have to figure out what I'm trying to say. I love you and it's more important to have you in my life than to be able to work at JAG." Harm breaks off momentarily, watching my reaction, but I'm not sure what kind of reaction he's expecting. "I always thought that when I was finally able to say the words I feel, I'd have to stop you from knocking me over or at least you'd say something." Harm teases, but still starting to look a little uncomfortable.
'Harm loves me. I heard him say it. I didn't think he would ever be able to tell me how he felt.' I look wide eyed at Harm a moment longer before I realize that I should probably say something. After all the man I love finally told me he loved me. "Harm, I love you." I say scooting closer to him on the couch, my injuries preventing me from a more exuberant display. "I just didn't think you would ever say it to me." I manage to get out before Harm leans over slowly being careful of my injuries and kisses me, knocking every other thought out of my mind.
Harm pulls back first, slowly letting go of me. "I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to tell you Sarah. I don't know why it was so hard for me to say it to you, except that I mean it. I don't know what's going to happen on Monday morning, but it doesn't matter as long as I have you. It's late. I know you have to be tired and it's probably time for you to take some more medicine. I'm going to head home, but I'll be back in the morning with breakfast when you wake up. Okay?"
"Okay, Harm." I answer, a little surprised that he's not insisting on staying the night in Cloe's bed like he's done in the past, but now that's he's mentioned, too tired to really wonder about it. With a quick kiss goodbye, he was out the door.
End