Chapter Eight
Cassie sat with Rachel
until she was sure Rachel was completely asleep. She gently pulled her
hand from Rachel's, then went silently from Rachel's room to her own office
next to it, keeping both doors open so she could hear Rachel easily. Then
Cassie sat at her desk and began pouring over her weekly planner, looking
for meetings she could cancel or postpone since once again it looked like
Rachel would be needing constant care. I need to get help. She
needs to get help.
Rachel slept
fitfully through the afternoon. She'd wake every two hours or so and start
screaming if Cassie wasn't there. From what Cassie could gather, finally
talking about Marissa's death was far from the therapy she'd hoped for
Rachel. She actually seemed to be reliving the event, or other nightmarish
scenarios, in her sleep. More than once Rachel had woken up crying that
Cassie was dead, so she must have died, herself. Cassie did what she could
to comfort Rachel, but this was starting to be more than she could handle
on her own. She couldn't be Rachel's babysitter all the time, but Rachel
obviously wasn't strong enough to resist her addictions on her own. Perhaps
she never would be.
During the afternoon
and evening, Cassie exhausted herself running back and forth from Rachel's
room, doing everything from comforting her after nightmares to forcing
her to drink water. Then Cassie was cramming in as much work as possible
whenever she had a break so that even though she couldn't be at as many
of the meetings as she wanted, or needed, to be at, her ideas and research
would be there. By dark, Cassie was about ready to collapse so, after a
quick check on Rachel, she pulled herself to her own bedroom. She was asleep
almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.
Cassie didn't know
how long she had been asleep when she woke up to find Rachel, listing a
little to the side, standing above the bed.
"I'm leaving," Rachel
said flatly. "I can walk. And I know I've hurt you. I won't do it again."
Cassie protested and
tried to get out of bed, but her feet were tangled in the sheets. "Rachel,
wait." She pulled her feet out and stumbled out of the bed. Rachel had
already left the room, and by the time Cassie had gotten out of her room,
Rachel had left the apartment.
The lighted numbers
above the elevator told Cassie that the elevator was already nearing the
first floor. How could Rachel have gotten down there so fast? The
elevator was pretty decent, and in the middle of the night it wouldn't
be surprising to get access to it right away, but it certainly wasn't one
of the fastest ones Cassie had ever been in.
She stumbled back to
her apartment, rubbing at her eyes. It was a dream. It had to have been
a dream. To calm her nerves, she looked into Rachel's room before going
back to her own. It was dark, but she could faintly see the outline of
Rachel's body under the blankets.
See? All a dream,
was Cassie's last conscious thought before falling back asleep.
Cassie awoke in the
morning completely refreshed. She shook off the odd feeling the dream had
left behind, reminding herself that dreams were just her subconscious's
way of sorting out her feelings. "Of course I'm concerned about Rachel
leaving," Cassie said to herself as she gathered her clothes. "And I probably
feel helpless because that is the deal we struck."
Before heading into
the bathroom for her shower, Cassie looked into Rachel's room to see how
Rachel had faired during the rest of night.
It was then she saw
what she had missed when she was half asleep. She must have really been
out of it, since she had used the trick several times before. All of Rachel's
pillows were stuffed under the sheets, giving the illusion that a body
was under there. But Rachel herself wasn't there.
Cassie dropped her
bundle of clothes and ran through Rachel's room to the adjoining bathroom,
hoping that Rachel was playing some kind of sick joke. She opened the door
without knocking, but no one was inside to protest.
Cassie felt she was
about to break into hysterics after a thorough search of the house proved
that what she had tried to pass off as a dream wasn't a dream at all: Rachel
wasn't anywhere to be found in the apartment. And it was all her fault.
Without bothering to
change into her clothes, Cassie left her apartment and took the unbearably
slow elevator down to the lobby. She looked around desperately for the
doorman and ran to him when she found him.
"Good morning, Cassie.
What can I do for you?" Nick, the doorman, asked brightly.
"Have you seen my friend
come through here this morning? Tall, blond, probably looking like crap?"
"Would this be the
same young woman who dragged herself through here yesterday looking stoned?"
"Yes."
"I haven't seen her
this morning, but I've only been here for about an hour. Theresa had the
night watch. Her number's at the front desk."
Cassie didn't bother
to thank Nick. She went to the desk and demanded Theresa's phone number.
The secretary handed it, and the desk phone, over without argument.
The phone at Theresa's
house wasn't answered until halfway through the fourth ring. "Hello?" a
groggy woman's voice answered.
"Is this Theresa?"
"Yeah. Who's callin'?"
"This is Cassie Ward,
I live in the apartment building. I was wondering you saw a tall, blond
woman leave the building sometime last night."
"Um, yeah. I did, actually.
She came in around 12 -"
"No, she didn't come
in last night. She's been staying with me and left sometime during the
night."
"Oh, well. . . yeah.
Yeah, there was a strange woman who left around. . . I don't know. . .
three? She didn't look too good, her eyes were bloodshot and she walked
like a drunk, but I've seen my share of prostitutes come through -"
"Thanks, Theresa,"
Cassie said shortly. She slammed down the phone.
"Any luck, Cassie?"
Nick called.
"Yeah, she left around
three. I'm going to go out -"
"Like that?"
Cassie looked down
at herself and blushed when she realized she was dressed in a pair of Ronnie's
boxer shorts and a T-shirt.
"I suppose it could
be a new fashion," Nick continued, "but -"
"It's not," Cassie
said quickly. "I was just worried about my friend."
"Would you like me
to call the police while you get dressed?"
"Doesn't she have to
be missing for a day before they'll do anything?" Cassie asked as she waited
at the elevator.
"I'm sure they'd make
an exception for you."
"I'll be fine, but
thanks!" Cassie called just as the elevator doors closed. The last thing
she wanted, or needed, were special favors being called in because of her
status as an Animorph.
Back in her apartment,
Cassie ran around to pull herself together. She grabbed her clothes from
the hall and got dressed right there. She ran a comb through her hair,
then grabbed her purse before running out the door again.
Once again, the elevator
seemed to take forever to reach her floor. When the doors opened, she was
surprised to see Ronnie standing there, holding two bouquets of flowers.
"Cassie!" he said in
surprise as he tried to hide the flowers behind his back. "Um, what're
you doing here?"
"I could ask you the
same," Cassie said as she stepped in the elevator. She pushed the button
for the lobby. "Rachel ran away around three this morning."
"Ran away?" Ronnie
asked. "I thought she was well enough to leave."
"While we were out
yesterday she did leave. To get stoned. She was completely out of it when
I got back. Then when I woke up this morning, she was gone."
"With no idea where
she went, I suppose," Ronnie said as they got off the elevator.
Cassie pushed open
the front door of the building. "Right."
"Have you called her
mom? Her boyfriend?"
"Not yet," Cassie admitted.
"Uh, would you mind helping me look for her? I doubt she went either place,
but I could call if you were driving."
"Sure." Ronnie led
the way to his black SUV as Cassie pulled her cell phone out of her purse.
She called Rachel's family first.
"Hello?" Naomi answered.
"Hi, Naomi. This is
Cassie. Uh, can I talk to Jordan?"
"Hold on a moment."
Naomi put Cassie on hold.
"Jordan?" Ronnie asked.
"Telling her mother
about Rachel disappearing would give the woman a heart attack," Cassie
explained.
"Hi, Cassie!" Jordan
said when she picked up the phone.
"Jordan, there's a
problem with Rachel, but I wouldn't suggest letting your mom know anything
yet, so try to sound natural, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, what is
it?"
"Rachel got a hold
of some heroin yesterday." Cassie could hear Jordan stifle a curse. "I
know. I feel the same. She ran away from my place early this morning. She
never happened to say anything to you about where she might go, did she?"
"No. She always seemed
happy to be staying with you. She never even hinted at getting more drugs
or booze, or leaving your place."
"Well, I have a feeling
this wasn't premeditated. If you happen to remember anything, or if by
a miracle she shows up there, will you give me a call?"
"Yeah, of course. Can
I help look?"
"Not now. If Rachel
does show up, you might need to be mediator between her and your mom. She's
really sick right now."
"Okay, yeah. And you'll
tell me when you find her?"
Cassie smiled slightly
at Jordan's optimism. Not 'if', when. "You'll be the first. Bye."
Cassie ended the call,
then speed dialed Tobias. After one ring, Cassie heard the error tones,
followed by the computerized operator telling her the number she had dialed
had been disconnected.
"Shit!" Cassie cursed
loudly, surprising herself and Ronnie.
"What?" Ronnie demanded.
"Tobias' number has
been disconnected." Cassie leaned her head back against the head rest.
"Why does my life need to fall apart now?"
"Where should we go
to look for her?"
"I first picked her
up on 97th street. Maybe she wandered back there?"
Ronnie gave a low whistle
as he turned towards 97th. "Rachel sure knows how to get herself into trouble,
doesn't she?"
"You don't know the
half of it," Cassie muttered. She kept her eyes focused on her window,
trying to recognize Rachel among the faces on the street.
The streets became
narrower, darker and dirtier as Ronnie got closer to 97th street. Part
of Cassie hoped she wouldn't find Rachel out here. Just seeing the dirty
street people she didn't know would probably fuel her nightmares for weeks.
The possibility of finding Rachel in the same state she'd been in weeks,
almost months, ago was enough to terrify Cassie.
"Cassie?"
Ronnie's voice startled
Cassie out of her thoughts. "What?"
"Your phone's ringing,"
he said gently.
"Please. . ." Cassie
prayed to no one in particular in a whisper. She didn't even know what
she was hoping for, but she knew a miracle was needed. She fumbled with
the telephone and glanced at the Caller ID. It was a number she didn't
recognize. "Hello, Cassie Ward speaking," Cassie answered professionally.
"Hello, Cassie. This
is Officer Zoe Hamilton with the city police."
"What can I do for
you, Officer?"
"I think you need to
come to the City Hospital as soon as possible. We have a young woman here
who keeps saying your name. She won't, or can't, talk to anyone else."
"Dear God. It's Rachel,
isn't it? Is she all right?"
"I'm afraid I don't
know the specifics of her condition."
"Why aren't you saying
her name?"
"I don't think anyone
except those who need to should know who we have here."
"Oh. Yes. Of course."
"Tell the desk nurse
you're there to see me. You'll be given directions from there."
"Yes, thank you." Cassie
ended the call, then turned to Ronnie. "We need to go to the City Hospital.
Rachel's there." Her voice was calm and even. It was her conditioned response
to uncontrollable situations, an attempt to keep herself from going completely
hysterical. It was working to an extent now, though if she got another
call, or if the drive took too long, she couldn't be sure how she would
hold up.
"On our way," Ronnie
said as he pulled a tight U-Turn and sped out of the depths of 97th street.
"Can I help you?" the desk nurse asked Cassie.
"Yeah, I'm here to see Officer Hamilton."
The woman's eyes widened. "Oh my God, you're -"
"Yes, we both know who I am," Cassie interrupted before a scene could be started. "Just please tell me how I can get to Officer Hamilton."
"Yes, of - of course." The nurse checked the notes on her computer. "She's with a patient in the ICU. Take the elevator over there to the second floor. Room 206 will be down the hall to your right."
"Thank you!" Cassie pushed off from the counter, then weaved around a couple of rows of chairs before reaching the elevator and punching the up button. Why is so much of today being spent waiting for elevators?!
When Cassie stepped out onto the second floor, she found the hall empty, so she ran down the hall, glancing at room numbers as she passed to make sure she was getting closer to 206.
A middle aged woman with the first hints of gray in her blond hair was waiting at the door of room 206. Cassie slowed to a walk as she approached the woman. "Hi, are you -"
"Officer Zoe Hamilton," the woman interrupted. "It's an honor to meet you, Ms. Ward." She held out her hand for Cassie to shake.
Cassie accepted Officer Hamilton's hand. "Cassie, please. Um, how's Rachel?"
"We're pretty sure she's going to pull through."
Cassie collapsed against the wall. "Oh, thank God. What happened?"
"We picked her up on prostitution charges early this morning. She solicited one of our undercover officers for a room and, if he could spare any, drugs and/or booze. She obviously has a problem because when we gave her a breathalyzer test, she had an unreasonably high Blood Alcohol Content level. It's amazing she wasn't passed out on the street from alcohol poisoning. We also just got the results from a drug test back and found she has a substantial dose of heroin in her."
"Oh, Rachel," Cassie whispered.
"We've kept her identity as secret as possible," Officer Hamilton assured Cassie. "Only two doctors have been allowed to see her and all of the documentation lists are as 22 year old Sara Jordan, which was the information on the fake ID she had on her when we picked her up."
"Thank you. I'm sure she'll appreciate it."
"It wasn't just for her," the officer admitted. "I don't think the world needs its vision of the reclusive Rachel Berenson tarnished by news of this."
"No. Of course. Thank you, again, officer. May I go in and see her?"
"Of course. She's been drifting in and out of sleep for awhile now, but I imagine she's going to get real sick real soon."
Cassie tried to hide a grimace. "I know." Quietly, she pushed open the door to Rachel's room.
It was dark, with the lights turned off and the shades pulled so light only came in at the edges. Rachel was hooked up to half a dozen machines, ranging from a heart monitor to a few IV drips. Cassie pulled a chair up to Rachel's bedside and carefully slipped one of her hands under one of Rachel's. "Hey, Rachel," she whispered. "I made it. I'm here."
Rachel stirred slightly, then her eyes fluttered open. "Cassie?"
"Yes, it's me. I'm right here next to you."
Slowly, Rachel turned her head to look at Cassie, then took another moment to focus her eyes on the other woman. "Cassie, I've been asking for you for hours."
"I was just called a few minutes ago. I came here as fast as I could."
"Oh." Rachel turned and looked back at the ceiling. "I really fucked up, didn't I?"
Cassie's first impulse was to argue, to try to soften the term. But there really was no other way to put it. Rachel wouldn't have put up with an argument. "Yeah, you kind of did."
"I'm sorry."
"So am I. Why. . . well, can you tell me why you did it?"
Rachel turned to Cassie again. "You said I could leave when I could walk."
"But you were doing so well! Don't you remember talking earlier this week? You talked about being cured. You were excited about meeting Ronnie and having the chance to be on your own for a little while."
"And I fucked it all up. It was better for you that I left."
"No, it wasn't. I was panicked when you weren't in the apartment this morning. I don't know what I would do
if. . . if. . . ."
Cassie's thought was interrupted by a light knock on the door. "Cassie?" Officer Hamilton said softly. "The doctors need to be with Rachel alone for a few minutes, all right?"
"Yeah," Cassie said over her shoulder. She looked back at Rachel. "The doctor's going to see you now. I'm just going to be in the hall. I'll be back in here as soon as I can." She patted Rachel's hand softly before standing up and letting the doctors in.
Ronnie was waiting with Officer Hamilton in the hall. "How is she doing?" Ronnie asked Cassie.
Cassie shrugged. "She was able to talk with me a little, but I think she's very tired and very weak."
"How long will she have to stay?" Ronnie asked the officer.
"I don't know. There's a lot of variables in cases like this. How long since her last drink and shot, how much tolerance she had built up and her general state of physical and mental health all figure into how quickly she will heal." The officer turned to Cassie. "Would you mind giving me a statement? I need to know things like where she got her drugs and booze from. And why she wasn't home at four in the morning."
"I don't know where she got anything from," Cassie said. "She wasn't at home because she's kind of between homes right now. She's legally emancipated from her mother and moved out of Tobias' place a few months ago. She's been staying with me for something like two months now, slowly being nursed back to health after a long drug and alcohol binge. She left my place around three this morning."
The officer made a few notes in her notebook. "Well, I need to be getting back to the station. My shift's about to end. Thank you very much."
"Thank you, Officer Hamilton," Cassie said as she shook the woman's hand again.
"It's been an honor to meet you, Cassie. I just wish it had been under better circumstances." She shook Ronnie's hand, then walked down the hall toward the elevator.
"I brought your cell phone in for you," Ronnie told Cassie. "I didn't think you'd have access to a private phone and I'm sure Jordan will want an update."
"I'd better update everyone," Cassie said with a sigh. "This has just gotten out of hand. The others need to know what's happened." She looked to Ronnie for confirmation.
"Yeah, of course," Ronnie said, though Cassie could tell her mentioning 'the others' made him uncomfortable. Even now Ronnie was paranoid about Cassie making contact with Jake. He never even suggested that she not talk to him; Ronnie knew that would make him lose Cassie in a heartbeat, but he preferred to be far away when Cassie and Jake did have to talk. "I'll just go then." He kissed Cassie briefly. "Keep me updated on Rachel. And give me a call if you need a ride home."
"Of course I will." Cassie blew him a kiss, then sat down on the chair outside of Rachel's room. She turned her phone on and dialed Jordan.
Jordan picked up on the first ring. "Hello?" She was trying to sound normal, but Cassie could hear she was stressed.
"It's Cassie. We've found her."
Jordan let out a deep breath. "Thank you," she whispered reverently, as if finishing a prayer. "Where is she? How is she?"
Cassie gave a quick synopsis of what Officer Hamilton had told her. "I think it's time you told your mom. I plan on calling Jake and the others to let them know what's going on, too. Rachel may kill me, but I think this has gone too far."
"Yeah. Can we come to visit?"
"I guess so. But don't say you're here for Rachel. The police and hospital have been protecting her identity as much as possible. Only a few doctors have been allowed to see her and she's being identified on all paper work as," Cassie paused to remember the name she'd been told. "Sara Jordan."
"What? Why that?"
"It's the name that was on her fake ID. I don't know why she chose it."
"I'm sure we'll be there in a few minutes. Thanks for calling me, Cassie."
"No problem. Bye, Jordan."
"Bye!"
The doctor stepped out of Rachel's room as Cassie turned off her phone. She stood quickly to face the doctor. "How is she?"
"The same. I was just making sure of that and checking the equipment."
"I just called her family, they should be here soon."
"I think that will be the best medicine for her. You may go back in now, I think she's waiting." Cassie thanked the doctor before going in.
"That you, Cass?" Rachel asked weakly when she heard the door opening.
"I thought we talked about you calling me 'Cass,'" Cassie admonished gently as she took her seat again.
Rachel's mouth pulled up at the corners. It would have been a smile if she hadn't been so weak. "It was worth a try."
"I guess. I just got off the phone with Jordan. She's probably going to be here with your mom and Sara in a few minutes."
"Can I sleep through their visit? I don't. . . don't want to try to talk to Mom."
"You can do whatever you feel you have to."
"I have to sleep."
"Now?" Rachel's response was a yawn. "Well, I want you to know, before you go back to sleep, that I'm going to call the guys and tell them where you are. If Jake and Marco have tried to call you at Tobias', I'm sure they're worried sick by now."
"Why would they call me?" Rachel asked weakly.
She must really be out of it if she isn't fighting me on this. "Because they're your friends."
"Whatever." A pause. "Are you going to stay here while I sleep?"
"I'm going to stay here until they kick me out."
Rachel attempted to smile again, then whispered something unintelligible before drifting off to sleep. Cassie leaned back in her seat before pulling out her phone again. She had to search through the number listings in it to find Jake's number. It had been awhile since she had called him.
"Good morning, this is Jake Berenson," Jake answered crisply.
"Hi, Jake, it's Cassie."
Jake's voice immediately lost its professional tone. "Hey, Cassie! Wow, it's good to hear from you. It's been awhile. How are things?"
"Not good."
Silence for a moment, then Jake asked hesitantly, "Rachel?"
Cassie nodded before she remembered he couldn't see her. "I'm sitting with her in her hospital room."
"Shit," Jake muttered. "What happened now?"
"The police picked her up for prostitution, then discovered she had more beer and heroin in her veins than blood." It was harsh, but essentially the truth.
"Oh, God. Why?"
"I don't know exactly. I have some possibilities, but they'd all take too long to explain."
"Is there anything I can do? I want to come, but I'm leaving for Washington in a few hours."
"I don't know if Rachel would even want you to visit," Cassie told him gently. "She's planning on sleeping through her mom's visit."
"Is Tobias there?"
"That's another problem. He and Rachel broke up awhile ago, but I've kept in pretty regular contact with him about her. However, when I tried calling him this morning, I got a message that his number had been disconnected."
"I was afraid something like that might happen if they split."
"What do you think he's done?"
"He may have returned to living in the forest, or maybe it's something as innocent as he didn't pay the phone bill. Do you have his address? I could find out before I leave."
"Neither of them ever told me where they lived, though I know it's not the greatest neighborhood."
"I'd figured that. Uh, I've gotta go. You'll keep me posted?"
"Of course."
"Good. Talk to you soon." Jake hung up.
Cassie was searching for Marco's number when there was a light knock on the door. Cassie looked behind her and saw Naomi peek in. "May we come in?"
"Of course." Cassie stood as Rachel's family filed in. "She's been sleeping for awhile.
Naomi sat in the chair Cassie had just vacated. "Oh, my baby," she whispered as she took Rachel's nearest hand.
Sara, only 12, looked terrified at the sight of her big sister hooked up to all of the machines. "You want to go into the hall?" Cassie asked her. Sara shook her head vehemently, paused, then nodded. Cassie followed her back into the hall.
As soon as the door to Rachel's room was closed, Sara threw herself onto Cassie, sobbing hysterically. "Why'd she do it, Cassie? Why does Rachel want to die?"
"Who told you she wanted to do that?"
"Mom."
Cassie hugged the girl and stroked her hair. "I don't think Rachel wants to die, Sara. I think Rachel is lost and confused. She's addicted to the drugs and the alcohol; it's really hard for her to stop."
"But she was doing really good! I listened to Jordan telling Mom that Rachel was better!"
"She was, for awhile, but when she had the chance to get more drugs, she couldn't resist."
"I hate her," Sara said suddenly. "I hate her for making me leave home before, I hate her for getting famous, I hate her for leaving me, and I hate her for making Mom hate me!"
What is going on in this family?! "Why do you think your mom hates you?"
"She doesn't care about me anymore. Ever since Rachel moved out she's only talked about her. She didn't even come to my last orchestra concert 'cause she was all worried about Rachel."
"That doesn't mean your mom hates you. It means she's worried about Rachel. Maybe a little too much. It was wrong for her to miss your orchestra concert, especially when she knew Tobias and I had been looking for her constantly until I found her. She just needs to be reminded that she has three daughters, not one."
"She never ignores Jordan."
"Well, I know Jordan isn't always happy with your mom, either. Sometimes Jordan feels exactly like you do."
Sara blinked at Cassie. "Why?"
"She thinks your mom only pays attention to her to get information about Rachel. And she had to turn down a date with a really hot guy because she'd already agreed to stay with Rachel."
Sara frowned again. "See? That's another reason I hate her. She's screwing up our lives, too, not just hers!"
"I know, she's interrupted my plans as well."
"Are you going to tell me not to hate her? 'Cause you'll be wasting your breath."
"I won't tell you that. You can't help how you feel. I just hope you'll be able to forgive her eventually." Before it's too late, Cassie added silently.
Sara shook her head, then sat defiantly on the chair. "Nope. I never will. And I don't want to go back in there."
"All right. Do you mind if I do?" Sara shrugged, so Cassie opened the door to go back into Rachel's room.
"Cassie?" Sara's voice was barely more than a whisper.
"Yes?"
"Can you tell her I love her? And I want her to stop being stupid an' get better soon?"
Cassie smiled slightly. "Definitely."
"Are they gone?" Rachel whispered when she heard the door close behind her family. Her eyes were still closed.
"Yeah. For awhile."
Rachel's eyes opened slowly. "I don't want her here. Jordan and Sara are okay, but not Mom."
"I don't know what I can do about her. She's family, she can stay until you say otherwise."
"But if I say otherwise, she'll know I was awake and she'll be pissed you didn't tell her." Rachel closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again. "I'm sorry."
"I am, too."
"Have you called. . . them?"
Cassie knew who Rachel meant. "Only Jake. I wasn't able to escape your family long enough to call Marco."
"Am I going to end up like Marissa?"
"No. The doctors are pretty optimistic."
"Damn."
"Rachel?"
But Rachel couldn't answer. She'd fallen asleep again. Cassie was worried about what she meant, but knew waking Rachel would probably be the worst thing she could do at the moment. So she took the opportunity, possibly the last time she'd be alone for a while, to call Marco.