Chapter Nine
Rachel was in the hospital
for two weeks before it was decided that she was well enough to go home.
Cassie and Rachel privately had a theory that the hospital staff was just
sick of Rachel; she hadn't been the easiest patient, and Naomi's constant
presence wore on everybody's nerves. Then there was the issue of Rachel's
well-wishers. Word had gotten out that Rachel was in the hospital, though
the circumstances surrounding her stay remained undisclosed. All of the
hospital staff knew Rachel was there, but few knew where she was and fewer
knew why. But it seemed half the world had sent Rachel everything from
handmade 'get well soon' cards to huge bouquets of balloons.
"I'll kill whoever
told," Rachel muttered every time a gift was delivered while she was awake.
Cassie was packing
up most of Rachel's gifts the day she was released. Rachel was sitting
in bed, telling Cassie what she wanted to keep and what should be thrown
out. They'd convinced Naomi to leave by telling her the room was really
too small to accommodate Rachel and her equipment, the gifts and two people
packing them. Jordan and Sara helped, taking the opportunity to remind
their mother of all the things she'd promised to do with them once Rachel
was okay. All of them knew she wasn't, but she was doing better than she
had been.
Cassie held up a banner
for Rachel's approval. "Made by the class of our third grade teacher."
"Dump it," Rachel said.
"Just dump all the damn cards. What the hell am I going to do with cards?
Or flowers or balloons or any of this shit?"
Cassie sighed. She
was beginning to get used to Rachel's mood swings. She wasn't sure if this
was a good or bad thing.
"Cassie?" Rachel asked,
her voice suddenly quiet after her mini-tirade.
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever felt like you don't belong here?"
Cassie stuffed the
banner in a trash bag. "Belong where?"
"Here," Rachel repeated.
"In the hospital?"
Rachel sighed. "Forget
it." She glanced around the room. "Hey, who sent the snap dragons? Those
are cool. I want to keep them."
Marco had talked almost non-stop the first part of the drive, trying to make up for Rachel's silence. He told them about his TV series, the movie that he was talking with Steven Spielburg about making, about his great girlfriend (they'd been together three months, a record for Marco), but he eventually ran out of topics since he was getting only minimal feedback from Cassie and none at all from Rachel.
"This is your building, right?" Marco asked as he pulled up in front of the imposing brick structure. "Nice. Classic architecture, yet a decidedly modern touch."
"And when did you become an architectural expert?" Cassie asked.
"You pick random things up in show business, listening to producers and directors talk."
"I see. You wanna come up?"
"I'd love to, but I make it a rule not to go home with someone until at least the second date." He didn't even get a smirk out of Cassie. "Okay, yeah, you guys are tired. I think I'm the last person you want around. But call me sometime. Both of you. We'll get together later. Maybe I'll fly you out to LA."
"Sounds like fun." Cassie got out of the car and went to Marco's trunk to pull out Rachel's things. When she'd finished, she found Rachel already out and leaning heavily against the side of the car. She still wasn't able to walk far on her own, though Cassie was impressed she'd been able to get out at all.
Rachel saw Cassie's surprise. "He was driving me insane with all his talking," she grumbled as an explanation.
Cassie laughed lightly in agreement. She slung Rachel's bags over one arm, offered Rachel the other, and managed to wave with her fingers at Marco before heading into the building.
Nick was on door duty. "Good afternoon, Cassie, Rachel," he said brightly.
Cassie stared at him. How had he known?
"I began to put the clues together," Nick said in a low voice, "but I haven't breathed a word to anyone, don't worry."
"Thanks, Nick."
"Can I help you with the elevator?"
"Please." Cassie and Rachel followed Nick to the elevator. He pressed the 'up' button for them, and then the button for Cassie's floor once the elevator doors opened.
"I hate feeling so helpless," Rachel complained once the elevator was on its way. Cassie was tempted to say something petty like it was Rachel's own fault she was in this state, but Cassie knew that wouldn't help anything, and it wasn't completely Rachel's fault: addictions were hard to fight. The counselor that had seen Rachel a few times at the hospital had told Cassie Rachel would only recover if she truly wanted to stay sober. Nothing Cassie said or did would stop Rachel until she wanted to stop. Cassie hoped that the stay in the hospital had convinced Rachel.
"Have I thanked you yet for staying with me?" Rachel asked as she sat on Cassie's couch.
"You've thanked me every day for the past two weeks. You don't need to anymore. Now, do you want some lunch?"
"Um, no. I don't think so. Not now."
Cassie sighed. "You've hardly eaten in two weeks, Rachel. At the hospital you could get away with it, but I don't have an IV here to keep you going." Cassie sat next to her friend. "Is there something going on that I should know about, Rachel?"
Rachel stared hard at her hands for several minutes before finally saying, "Have you ever felt like you don't belong here?"
"You asked me that at the hospital. What do you mean by here?"
"Here. Like . . . do you ever feel like . . . like you weren't supposed to - to survive."
"Rachel, what are you saying? You aren't talking about suicide, are you?"
Rachel laughed harshly. "No. Not suicide. Never mind I said anything. Maybe it's the lack of food. Lunch does sound good. What have we got?"
It took all of Cassie's self control to not let Rachel see how disappointed and worried she was. She forced a smile as she stood up, but as soon as her back was to Rachel the smile vanished. I will get you to tell me what's going on with you.
"I'm going to be in various meetings all day, but I'll have my cell on and with me at all times. Call me if you need anything, Sara and Jordan have the day off from school for Labor Day - "
"Wait," Rachel interrupted. "If it's Labor Day, why do you have to work?"
Cassie put a piece of bread in the toaster. "They don't stop illegal logging of the rainforest for an American holiday. Anyway, they said they'd be over around nine and they'll stay until I get home."
"Which will be . . . ?"
"Five? Six? I don't know." Cassie grabbed the toast as it popped out from the toaster. "I have a lot of work to catch up on for a lot of people who aren't happy with me at the moment." She took a large bite of the toast before putting her jacket over her arm and picking up her two briefcases. "Bye!" Cassie called around a mouthful of toast. In a moment, she was gone.
Rachel sighed and stared into her cereal. It tasted gross. Cassie was out of sugar so her Special K, while nutritious, was far from delicious. Rachel took the bowl to the trash and dumped out the remainder of its contents.
"Now what do I do?" she asked the empty apartment. She glanced at the clock over the stove. It was quarter to eight. Over an hour before Sara and Jordan showed up.
Rachel sat back down at the table and picked up the newspaper; hoping it would distract her for awhile, but she couldn't seem to focus on the words. Her mind kept wandering. She finally threw the paper down and checked the clock again.
Five minutes had passed.
Rachel wandered to the living room, sat on the couch and turned on the TV. She channel surfed through the various morning talk shows (big news of the day: Jake's visit to Washington. Rachel never stayed on a channel long enough to find out what he was doing there), the videos she didn't recognize on VH-1 and MTV, and the morning cartoons. Nothing worth watching.
And she still had an hour before her sisters showed up. And that was if they got up on time, which was doubtful.
Cassie had left the cordless phone on the coffee table earlier so Rachel could veg out in front of the TV without being interrupted by having to get up for the phone. Rachel reached forward, grabbed it from the table, and stared at it for a few moments.
Cassie had said to call if she needed anything . . . an what Rachel needed right now was someone to talk to so she wouldn't go over to one of those inviting windows and look out and be tempted to go find a heroin stash. I'm gonna stay clean this time, she vowed.
Rachel checked the notepad that was on the coffee table. Cassie's cell phone number was written there in Cassie's precise handwriting. Rachel dialed it quickly.
One ring. Two rings. Three rings.
"Come on, Cassie," Rachel muttered.
Five rings. Six -
"Hello?! Rachel?"
"Hi, Cassie!"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm just bored. There's nothing to do and if I don't talk to someone . . . I'm afraid I'll do something stupid."
"I just left twenty minutes ago, Rachel."
"I know, and that's why I'm worried. Twenty minutes and I'm already bored stiff!"
"Rachel, the traffic out here is a little nuts. I'm gonna get pulled over if a cop sees me on this phone."
"Don't leave me, Cassie."
"I don't want to, Rachel, but I have to or I'm gonna get in an accident. Why don't you call your mom and talk to her? Or Marco? Somebody to get your mind off things until your sisters arrive."
"Okay . . . I guess."
"Good. I've gotta go." Click.
Rachel clutched the phone for a moment before hurling it across the living room. What the hell was she supposed to do now?! Call her mom? And talk about what, the date she'd had over the weekend? And it'd just be worse with Marco. She wasn't sure how; she just knew. And already she had a headache starting.
"I should just walk out again," Rachel muttered. "That's show Cassie for hanging up on me." But even as she said it, Rachel knew it was a bad idea. Pissed as she was at Cassie for the moment, she also knew Cassie had helped her out more than she deserved. She probably wouldn't get a third chance if she screwed up again. "Three strikes and you're out," Rachel muttered to herself. "For good."
Rachel check the clock again. 8:10. Still too long with nothing to do.
Rachel laid back on the couch. "Nothing to do," she murmured. "Nothing, nothing, nothing . . . ."
"She's awake, Sara!" Jordan looked down at her older sister. "No, it's me, Jordan. You were asleep. Like, really asleep. Sara and I were getting worried."
Sara suddenly appeared at Jordan's side. "I almost called 911."
"Are you okay?" Jordan asked as Rachel sat up.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I must have fallen asleep after Cassie left. There wasn't anything else to do."
"Sleeping's fine," Jordan assured her. "You need you're rest. Especially if you don't have anything else to do."
"You could do my homework for me," Sara said brightly.
"Sara!" Jordan hissed.
"What? It's a legitimate request," Rachel said. "You asked me to do homework for you before."
"Yeah, but not when you were . . . sick."
Rachel sighed and looked at her hands, which were folded neatly in her lap. "Yeah. I guess you're right."
"So what do you want to do today?" Jordan asked in a fake bright voice that was eerily like her mother's. "There's the TV and the DVDs and . . . um . . . Cassie's gotta have a board game or two around here . . . ."
"Get it? Board games? 'Cause you play them when you're bored!" Sara giggled at her wit.
Rachel forced a smile. "That's gotta be the reason. But I don't think she has any, Jordan. And there wasn't anything on TV earlier. By now it's probably all trash talk shows and soap operas."
"Yuck," Sara said.
"I think I'll just sleep some more, if you don't mind."
"I do," Jordan said. "We're under orders to keep you semi-active. No going to the mall to power shop, but you can't sleep all day, either. Weird sleep patterns don't help you in the long run."
"When did you talk to the doctor?"
"Um, I didn't, actually. I read it on the 'net. But Cassie told me, too, and she's probably talked to the doctors."
"Well, if you get any brilliant ideas on what to do in this apartment, you can wake me then." Rachel laid back down. "Good night."
A knock at the door kept Jordan from retorting. "Sara, don't let her sleep. Talk to her while I get the door."
"Talk about what?"
"I don't know. School? Just don't let her sleep!" Jordan stood on her tiptoes to look through the peephole in Cassie's door. Jordan recognized the man standing outside; the guy who visited Rachel and Cassie in the hospital. She couldn't remember his name, though. "Um, hi," she said when she opened the door."
"Hi . . . Jordan was it?" Jordan nodded. "Cassie called me last night and suggested I come over for awhile today, too. Drop off some new movies, a few board games, just to give you guys something to do today."
"Oh, okay. Come in," Jordan stepped back and opened the door wider. "Um, what's you're name again?"
"Ronnie. How's Rachel doing?"
"She's trying to sleep, but Cassie said we weren't supposed to let her." Jordan went ahead to the living room. Sara was bouncing in her seat by Rachel's feet to keep her sister from sleeping. Rachel had her eyes shut tight and looked very tense. Or pissed. Or both. "Hey, Ronnie's here with stuff to do."
"Cool!" Sara bounced off the couch and ran to Ronnie, pulling things from his arms. "Ooh, movies! Hey, Rachel, Moulin Rouge! You liked that, right? And Spider-Man. Ooh, he's cute! Can we watch that? Please? Please?"
"I don't care," Rachel muttered.
"No way," Jordan said. "Spider-Man is not cute. You want cute, we watch Moulin Rouge. Ewan McGregor's a hottie." Jordan turned to Ronnie. "Which do you think we should watch?"
"Well, I don't know how hot Spidey or Ewan are, but I'm a fan of Nicole Kidman. And Rachel likes the movie, right?"
Rachel pushed herself up. "You brought over loud movies to spite me, didn't you?"
"I didn't know about the no-sleeping proviso. I just grabbed a couple of DVDs from my shelf at random, and a couple of games from my closet."
"Board games!" Sara began to giggle again.
"Uh, yeah. Monopoly and Sorry."
"Let's watch the movie first," Jordan said. She grabbed the DVD case from Sara. "You gonna watch, too?" she asked Ronnie.
"Nah, I've got work to do today as well. Maybe I'll drop by tonight or tomorrow."
"We're not gonna be here tomorrow," Sara said. "Mom won't let me skip school, an' Jordan has a big chemistry test."
"Thank God," Rachel muttered. She hugged a throw pillow to her stomach. Playing with the fringe gave her something to do with her hands. "Wait, what am I going to do tomorrow? Cassie's got to work, right?" she asked Ronnie.
"Yeah, she does, but I'm sure she's got something figured out. Cassie's good like that."
Rachel began to toss the pillow in the air. "Yeah. Okay. I'm sure she does. Put in the movie, Jordan."
"I'll see you ladies later," Ronnie said. He didn't get a response, so he quietly slipped out of Cassie's apartment.
"Rachel, what's wrong?" Jordan asked when it was obvious Rachel wasn't going anywhere.
"I can't just sit there and watch the movie. How can you? I have to do something!"
Jordan stood up and took her sister by the shoulders. "Come on, Rachel. Sit down. You're going to wear yourself out."
Rachel shrugged her sister off. "Then I'll be able to sleep." Rachel's pacing grew faster and more agitated.
"Rachel?" Sara asked in a small voice.
"I'm going fucking stir crazy!" Rachel slammed her fists against the wall.
"Sara, go lock the door. Now," Jordan whispered. To Rachel she said, "I know. It's boring. But come on. It's just for one day. You've pulled through tougher situations than this."
Sara snuck back into the living room. "Yeah, Rachel. Come on . They're almost to the funniest part of the movie."
Rachel shook her head. "No. I can't. I've been confined to a bed for two weeks!" Rachel's knees suddenly buckled. Jordan leaped forward to grab Rachel. Rachel was the taller of the two, but Jordan was sturdier, especially since Rachel wasn't recovered from her heroin chic look.
Rachel tried to escape from Jordan's grasp, but she was too weak to fight off her determined little sister. "Let me go," she pleaded.
Jordan guided Rachel back to the couch and forced her to lay down. "If you stay put, I'll let go."
Her fall had taken the fight out of Rachel. "Fine," she mumbled, then curled up into a ball, turning her back to the TV, and her sisters.
"Should we call Cassie?" Sara whispered.
"She said only to call if it's an emergency," Jordan said.
"But -"
"She's fine now. We'll tell Cassie when she gets home. Or if Rachel tries anything else."
"Hey," Cassie greeted. Sara and Jordan barely afforded her a glance before returning to the game, but Rachel perked up immediately.
"You're back!" Rachel sat up, making room for Cassie on the couch.
Cassie took the seat. "Yeah. How was your day."
"I was going fucking crazy. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow."
"We're figure something out," Cassie assured, feeling more like a mother to a petulant child than Rachel's best friend. "Hey," she said to Sara and Jordan, "I don't want to interrupt your game, but your mom is expecting a call right about now."
Jordan groaned. "I don't want to go home."
"I know you don't. But you have to. Your mother would kill me if you two didn't call when I said you would."
"Fine." Jordan gave her stack of cards to Sara, then went to the kitchen to use the phone.
"How're you feeling now?" Cassie asked Rachel.
"Bored," Rachel answered flatly.
"Do you have the strength to do out?" Rachel gave her friend a blank look. "I think it's time for you to re-join the land of the living. Nothing major, just dinner out. Think you can handle it?"
"I don't know, Cassie."
"It was just a suggestion. But you're the one who's been going stir crazy."
"Yeah." Rachel thought for a moment. "Yeah. Let's do it. I can handle dinner."
Cassie's smile was bittersweet. Rachel was coming back, even using her trademark phrase, but it saddened Cassie that Rachel had to talk herself into something as simple as dinner out.
"Mom'll be here in a few minutes," Jordan announced.
"Oh, God," Rachel groaned. "I think I'm going to be in the shower."
"You took one this morning," Cassie pointed out.
"You can never take too many showers."
"Yes you can," Cassie said. "You have to stop avoiding your mother, Rachel."
"Yeah, 'cause then she spends even more time bugging us," Sara said.
Rachel made a face. "Fine. But she'd better not stay long."
"She won't. It's a school night." Jordan put on a look of disgust similar to Rachel's. "She will be harping on us about the homework we were supposed to do today."
Sara launched into an impression of Naomi, "How're you going to make anything of yourselves without a good education? You two aren't going to have being a super hero to fall back on."
Cassie and Jordan glanced at Rachel to see her reaction; Rachel usually didn't take kindly to references to her hero status. Rachel's mouth twitched slightly in annoyance, but she covered it with a slight smile. "She's right, y'know."
Sara groaned, oblivious to her faux pas. "I don't need you agreeing with her now!"
A buzz from the intercom interrupted the conversation. Cassie ran to get it. "Yes?"
"A Ms. Naomi is here to see you, Cassie," Nick's voice said.
"Thanks. Send her up." Cassie turned back to the sisters. "Your mom's on her way." The three other girls groaned in unison. Cassie shook her head. "I am so glad I'm not a mother."
Rachel raised an eyebrow. "You mean you and Ronnie don't want to live in a sprawling farmhouse in the middle of nowhere with a dozen mini-yous running around?"
Cassie laughed. "Ronnie? No way. He can't stand kids."
Rachel looked incredulous. "So what happened to the promise we made in fifth grade to name our first daughters after each other?"
"Well, there's no rush to decide anything. It's not like I'm engaged."
"Yet."
A sharp knock at the door preempted any retort Cassie could have supplied. She opened the door to let Naomi in.
"Rachel!" the woman exclaimed the instant she saw her eldest daughter. She crossed the apartment in a flash and was sitting next to Rachel before anyone else could react. "How're you feeling, honey? You look pale. Are you eating enough?
Naomi had begun to smooth Rachel's hair and clothing in motherly concern, but Rachel slipped out from under her mother and stood up. "I'm fine, Mom. Sara and Jordan and Cassie have been taking good care of me."
"I'm sure they are. I just wish I could spend more time with you. Every time I call you seem to be sleeping or showering or something."
"I'm fine," Rachel repeated.
"If you're feeling better, then why don't we go out to dinner! Just the two of us, wherever you want."
"Actually, Cassie and I have plans - "
"Oh, no," Cassie interrupted. "don't let me stand in the way."
"See?" Naomi said.
But Jordan wasn't happy. "Mom! You promised to help me with my Government project tonight. It's due tomorrow."
"And you said I could show you the recipe I learned in Home Ec last week tonight," Sara chimed in."
"See, Mom? They need you more than I do," Rachel said. "You go with them tonight and I'll see you soon."
"But - "
"Naomi, could I talk to you for a moment?" Cassie interrupted. "We'll be right back," she said to the other girls as she led Naomi to her study.
After closing the door behind her, Cassie turned to Naomi. "I know you're worried about Rachel, Naomi. We all are. But I have to tell you this, as Rachel, Sara and Jordan's friend: Rachel isn't the daughter who needs you most right now."
"What do you mean?" Naomi asked sharply. Cassie had a feeling this was the attitude she gave her opponents in court.
"Rachel has always been extremely independent. It's already killing her to have a baby-sitter all the time, the last thing she wants is her mom hovering over her all the time."
"I do not 'hover.' I am trying make up for those years that Rachel shut me completely out of her life!"
"But you're doing that at the expense of Sara and Jordan." Cassie kept her voice even, not letting Naomi unsettle her. "They think you only pay attention to them when you want something. I think you and Rachel do need to spend some down time together, but there's plenty of time for that. She's getting better every day. But how long will it be before Jordan turns into Rachel and doesn't want to see you anymore?"
"Jordan would never -"
"And Rachel would never be a drug addict," Cassie said softly. "You can't predict the future; neither can I. I promise I'll make Rachel spend time with you if you'll spend time with Sara and Jordan so they don't feel so alone."
Naomi glared at her eldest daughter's best friend. "How dare you tell me how to be a parent? You're a child yourself!"
Cassie sighed. This wasn't exactly what she'd anticipated. "I know what Rachel needs and I know what Sara and Jordan want. They want a mother who pays attention to them. Rachel needs time to find herself again. Not the perfect daughter or the super hero, but who she really is. And she' can't - "
Naomi didn't stick around to hear more. She stormed from the study and back to the living room where she ordered Sara and Jordan to follow her as she let herself out. Cassie followed just in time to wave to Sara, the last one out the door.
"Shit," Rachel muttered. She was sitting on the couch again. "What did you do?"
"I reminded her that Sara and Jordan need her more than you do."
Rachel nodded. "Yeah. That would do it. You've got guts, Cassie."
"Thanks. I think. Now hurry up and get dressed. We want to beat the dinner rush."