Breakdown
Chapter 11

"Rumors have been flying recently as Animorphs Cassie and Rachel, formerly one of the most reclusive of the five human Animorphs, continue to make public appearances together as Cassie's beau, Ronnie Chambers, becomes a memory. There have been no official reports of a breakup, and Cassie maintains that she and Ronnie are together. The video, however, seems to tell a different story." As the CNN anchorwoman spoke, video clips played of Rachel and Cassie together at events ranging from press conferences to White House dinners. "Cassie says that the sudden emergence of Rachel always at her side is part of Rachel's recovery from a prolonged, yet undisclosed illness. Reports suggest drug addiction, but Rachel, Cassie, Marco and Jake refuse to comment."
Now a short clip of Marco being questioned by a talk show host about Rachel's alleged drug addiction: "I don't know anything about that," Marco insisted. "Rachel's been sick off and on for awhile. It's not my place to pry into why."
The anchorwoman came back on screen. "The fifth human Animorph, Tobias, has become as reclusive as Rachel once was and has been unable to be reached for comment."
And it's going to stay that way, thought the 17 year old boy, dressed in clothes a season out of fashion with dirty blonde hair badly in need of a hair cut, that no one had noticed yet, even though he'd been standing in front of the department sores' wall of TV screens for the better part of an hour, waiting for this one news report.
"In other Animorphs news, preparations for the second anniversary of the Yeerk war's end are underway in Hollywood as five of the six Animorphs, Jake, Rachel, Cassie, Marco and Prince Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill gather this weekend in Marco's LA home. This year will mark the first time Rachel and Prince Aximili have appeared at any of the festivities. Of course, this is apparently also the first year that Tobias will miss them. . . ."
Tobias didn't stick around to hear any more. He'd heard more than enough.

***

". . . preparations for the second anniversary of the Yeerk war's end are underway in Hollywood as five of the six Animorphs, Jake, Rachel, Cassie, Marco and Prince Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill gather this weekend in Marco's LA home. This year will mark the first time Rachel and Prince Aximili have appeared at any of the festivities. Of course, this is apparently also the first year that Tobias will miss them, due to -"
Jake turned the TV off. "You'd think CNN would have something better to report on than who's at your house, Marco."
Marco shrugged. "I've gotten used to it. I'm sure if we were anywhere else they wouldn't care half so much, but seeing as how I'm a celebrity," Marco shrugged again helplessly.
"I used to have a lot of respect for CNN, but it seems all they report today is tabloid fodder," Rachel said.
The five Animorphs were indeed gathered in Marco's home in LA. Rachel and Cassie were squeezed together in an oversized armchair. Marco and Ax were sharing the couch and Jake was sitting in an arm chair. They weren't exactly preparing anything, however. That's what press agents and speech writers were for. Besides, they didn't have to make any public appearances for two days.
Rachel, nearly back to her old strength, was having a pleasurable feeling of deja vu at the situation. Take away the house with every modern luxury a person could imagine and place the group of young adults in a barn with caged animals everywhere and it was just like one of their old meetings. Minus the threat of danger, of course. And Tobias. Can't forget Tobias, Rachel thought bitterly. The deja vu feeling wasn't as pleasurable anymore.
"Amen to that," Cassie said. Before Rachel came back into her life, Cassie was the Animorph least likely to show up in the tabloids; Rachel had shown up more often. But now Rachel's and her names were always connected. It was beginning to become disconcerting.
"Don't tell me you don't like the publicity," Marco said.
"I don't, actually," Cassie replied. "It's not like these rumors are contributing anything to my work, or calling attention to it. They're just a nuissance."
"And why aren't they coming up with any new rumors about you three?" Rachel demanded of the men in the room.
Jake shrugged. "We haven't been doing anything, within the scope of their camera lenses, anyway, that's outside of our normal pattern of behavior."
"And your press has never been very interested in my behaviors. Veeyors," Ax said.
Marco looked about ready to answer when the doorbell rang. "What the hell?" Marco asked. "No one should be ringing the doorbell. Security has to let them through, and tell me when they're sending them. Hold on," Marco said to the others as he stood up.
"Want us to go with you?" Jake asked.
Marco shook his head. "Somehow I don't think this'll be anything I can't handle."
"Marco, if they got past your security people, don't you think you should be a little worried?" Cassie asked.
"We're going with," Jake said firmly as he stood from his chair. Ax and Cassie were right behind him, with Rachel lingering only a moment before joining her friends on her feet.
Normally Marco would have made a smart alec comment, but the truth was he did find it a little strange and unnerving that someone had gotten so close to his house. The reinforcements couldn't hurt, thought he did feel a little silly walking to his own front door in a pack.
Never having anticipated unexpected guests, Marco didn't have any way to check who was outside his door without opening it. After taking a deep breath, Marco grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door open a few inches so he could peek out.
He nearly slammed the door shut again in shock.
"Tobias?" Marco asked as he opened the door further, just to be sure.
The boy standing on Marco's doorstep, wearing a rather shabby looking morphing outfit, smiled ruefully at Marco. "Surprise."
Almost immediately, all the Animorphs were standing on the front step, hugging and shouting and crying over Tobias.
All the Animorphs except one, however. Rachel was still standing just inside the doorway, too shocked and confused to step out to greet her former boyfriend.
After a few minutes, Cassie noticed Rachel's absence from the group. She stepped back from the chattering guys to see Rachel hadn't moved from the doorway since Marco had opened it. Cassie quietly went over and put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Are you okay?" Cassie asked softly.
Rachel nodded, the shook her head, then shrugged. "I don't know what I feel right now, Cassie, and it kind of scares me," Rachel whispered.
"Come on," Cassie said as she put her arm all the way around Rachel's shoulders, "let's go inside and talk for a bit. The guys can find us when they're finished catching up out here." Rachel silently nodded her agreement and let Cassie lead her back to the living room.
"So what's up?" Cassie asked as she and Rachel sat on the couch.
"I don't know," Rachel repeated. "It's been almost a year since I've seen him, Cassie. What am I supposed to do now? Kiss and make up with him?" She laughed harshly. "That's not going to happen."
"And no one expects it to," Cassie assured Rachel.
"How do you know Tobias doesn't? The entire world knows I'm here, how do you know Tobias didn't choose to show up now because he knew exactly where I was and is hoping to win me back somehow."
"I don't think Tobias is that devious. He loves you, Rachel. Or he did, once. And when I first picked you up, he knew not to push you to go back to him. He's not going to try something like that now."
Rachel hardly registered Cassie's words; she kept going with her previous though. "Because I don't love him, Cassie. I don't know if I ever did, but I know now for sure that I don't. I don't even know if I like him all that much. I was...I was so frustrated and so drunk when I last saw him that I don't remember half of what I said, but I know none of it was positive. I don't even know how much I meant and how much was whatever alcohol I had in my system talking."
Cassie held Rachel close. "You don't need to worry about that, now. Tobias understood all that, and I'm sure he still does. He's not going to take you back if you don't want him to."
"Stay with me, Cassie. Please," Rachel whispered into Cassie's chest.
Cassie felt like she was going to cry. Rachel had gotten so strong and now she was suddenly have a relapse into her old behaviors. But what could she say? "Of course I will, Rachel. I'll be here the whole time."
When the four guys came back to the living room, they found Cassie still holding on to Rachel, with Rachel half asleep in her arms.
"Is she...is she okay?" Tobias whispered to Ax.
"I do not know," Ax whispered back. "She was fine ten minutes ago. I do not understand what has happened here."
Cassie looked up when she heard Tobias and Ax whispering. "Oh, hi, guys," she said overly bright. "Rachel's just a little tired. You know, it was a long car ride here this morning. I'll just take her back to her room, quick, then we can keep talking." Gently, she helped Rachel off the couch and walked her down the hallway that led to the bedrooms, leaving the guys alone once again."
"What happened to her? I thought - I mean, she looked, on TV -" Tobias sputtered when Rachel and Cassie were out of sight.
"Calm down, man," Marco said. "I don't know what's going on. I thought she was recovered, too. I know Cassie's been taking really good care of her, and Rachel's been really committed to getting better as well."
"Seeing you again was probably just a shock," Jake said. "I know I was surprised. We'd - I had - begun to...wonder if the worst had happened."
Tobias shook his head ruefully. "Can't say I didn't wish for it a couple of times, but no. I'm alive and, for the most part, well."
"Where have you been?" Jake demanded. "We've been searching for months!"
Tobias shrugged. "Around. Hopping from forest to forest. Even trecked out to visit Toby, once. Made her promise not to tell anyone I'd been by. You might not believe this, but it felt good to be flying again. I really missed it. And, you know, once Rachel took off...there wasn't much keeping me in that Godforsaken slum we lived in."
"You should have come to one of us," Jake said quietly. "You know we would have helped you out. Before or after all this started."
Tobias shook his head. "All that time with Rachel began to give me some of her personality quirks. I could be just as stubborn as she was. It was enough that you all were looking out for her. I couldn't ask for more."
Marco shook his head. "You could have. But whatever. You're here now, Rachel's here, for the first time in two years we've got the whole gang back together. I think that's cause for a celebration. Want to start a media circus and have all of us go out for dinner?" he asked with a sly grin.
Tobias looked down at his morphing suit. "Somehow I don't think you're going to take us anywhere where this would be appropriate attire."
"You haven't seen the number of closets I have in this place, Tobias. Rachel's envious of all the clothes I have. Trust me, we'll find something for you to wear." Marco looked to Jake. "You up for it?"
"Why don't you go talk to Rachel and Cassie?" Jake suggested. "I think those are the two you have to worry about."
"Why?" Cassie asked as she came back to the living room.
"I was offering to take everyone out to dinner tonight," Marco said. "You know, it's the first time we've all been together in two years. We could give all those tabloid reporters heart attacks from the shock."
"Hm. They'd certainly leave us alone after that, wouldn't they?" Cassie mused. "Why don't we give Rachel about an hour before going out anywhere? Plus that'll give the rest of us time to catch up."

***

When Cassie proposed the idea of going out to dinner with the group, Rachel was hesitant, but knew she'd attract even more questions and speculation if everyone was seen without her. So she agreed, though only after Cassie promised to be by her side the entire evening.
Rachel had only brought a fraction of her ever growing clothing collection with her to LA, so it didn't take long for her to find a dress that'd be suitable for any place Marco intended on taking the group. Even so, when she emerged from her bedroom, the other five Animorphs were dressed and waiting for her back in the living room. Rachel smiled nervously at the group, though noticed that Tobias kept his eyes averted from hers. "Are we ready to go?" Rachel asked.
"If you are," Marco said. He tossed his car keys into the air, then caught them. "One of the drivers has the limo waiting for us down at the front gate."
"You have more than one driver? When did that happen?" Tobias asked as they left.
Cassie took Rachel's arm as they brought up the rear of the group walking towards the limo. "You sure you can handle this?"
"I have to," Rachel insisted, though deep down part of her wasn't so sure.
Marco took the group to a very upscale restaurant with a French name only he could pronounce. It was rather small, but the tables were far apart to give everyone privacy. "The press shouldn't be able to get to us in here," Marco told everyone as they sat down, "but no guarantees for when we leave. Who knows how many staff people are freelancers for those people and are calling in to the editors right now."
"Oh, joy," Rachel muttered. She was seated next to Cassie, as promised, and Marco. Directly across from her, however, sat Tobias. Neither seemed very comfortale with that arrangement.
"But let's not worry about that, now," Marco said brightly. "Worry about the food. It all looks really weird, but it's all delicious. Trust me."
Rachel was nearly silent throughout dinner, content to listen to the others talk, catching Tobias up on everything that had happened in their lives that hadn't been broadcasted on the news. Cassie would touch Rachel's leg under the table occassionally and give her friend a concerned look, making sure that Rachel was still doing okay. Rachel always smiled back.
As Marco had predicted, hoardes of photographers and reporters were outside the restaurant when the Animorphs were leaving, three hours after entering. Marco strode through the crowd purposefully, ignoring the flashbulbs and shouted questions. The other Animorphs, especially Rachel and Tobias, were unused to such blatant paparazzi tactics and followed Marco closely, unconsciously ducking away from the lights and questions.
There was a collective sigh of relief when the Animorphs reached Marco's limo, but the ride back to Marco's house was mostly silent.
When they reached Marco's again and were all getting out of the limo, Tobias lingered near the limo door until Rachel, the last one, stepped out. "Rachel?" he asked hesitantly as she made to walk past him without acknowledgement.
Rachel stopped, and grabbed Cassie's wrist to make her stay as well. "What?" Rachel demanded shortly.
"I just wanted to talk to you for a minute." He glanced to Cassie. "Alone."
Rachel looked frantically between Tobias and Cassie. Cassie gently slipped her wrist out of Rachel's grasp. "You need to go do this now. I'm just going to be inside." Before Rachel could protest, Cassie walked up the drive towards Marco's house.
Rachel sighed and folded her arms over her chest when she looked back to Tobias. "What?"
Tobias had been preparing what to say to Rachel the entire time he'd been flying to Marco's, but all of his elegant speeches left him now. "I. . . I guess I just wanted to know. . . if there was any chance. . . if there was anything between us now."
"No."
"No?"
"No, Tobias. There's nothing between us. There's no chance of there being anything between us anymore." She had to be tough now. Tobias was confirming all her worst fears about his purpose for visiting. She couldn't let him see any weakness. It might be just enough of an opening for him to take advantage of.
"Why not? Don't you know that I love you?"
"Tobias, I'm 18. I don't think I even know what that word means. Not in the sense you're saying it, anyway."
"What do you mean?"
Rachel sighed. His questions were already beginning to wear at her resolve. This didn't look good. "You've never seen the real me, Tobias. You've seen the obsessed fighter, the terrified girl and. . . and the alcoholic. How can you be in love with any of that?"
"How can you ask me to rationalize an emotion like love?"
Rachel shook her head. "Okay, fine. You say you love me. But then why did you disappear for almost a year? Immediately after I took off, sure, I understand you not wanting to see me. I probably would have killed you if I'd had any strength. But then even Cassie couldn't get a hold of you. You didn't care about my progress at all."
"That's not true, Rachel."
"Then you explain it. Why did you abandon me?"
Tobias was silent for a moment. "I didn't abandon you. I never would have done that. It was you who abandoned me."
"Bull shit," Rachel spat. "I don't have to listen to this, I'm going inside." She turned to leave but, like he had done a year ago when she tried to storm off, Tobias grabbed her hand.
"Stop, Rachel. Just for a minute and listen to me!"
"Let go of me, Tobias," Rachel said in a low voice.
"I don't want to go through this again, but I can't watch you walk away again."
"Well you're going to have to." With more strength than she'd felt she'd had all evening, Rachel pulled her arm away and stormed into Marco's house.
Cassie was waiting for Rachel in the front hallway when Rachel stormed into the house, slamming the door behind her. "Rachel?" Cassie asked. "What's wrong? What happened?"
Rachel never stopped walking. "I don't want to talk about it," she said over her shoulder as she went to her room.
Before Cassie could go after Rachel, Tobias practically ran into Cassie in his haste to catch up to Rachel. "Where'd she go?" he demanded.
"To her room, I think," Cassie said. "What happened?"
"I'll tell you later," he said, and started to follow Rachel's path. But Cassie was prepared this time and held Tobias by the shoulders. "You don't want to explain it to me? That's fine. But Rachel looked really pissed off when she came through here. I don't think seeing you again would help the situation."
"I'm not going to let her stay angry at me."
"It's not your decision whether she stays angry or not. She needs to decide in her own time how she feels about you. Try again tomorrow. And not when she's in her room. She'll just feel trapped if you try confronting her again."
Tobias sagged, all the tension draining from his body. "I just don't want her to hurt anymore, Cassie."
"None of us do. But we're doing all we can to get her back to her old self. I promise."

***

Rachel spent most of the time in her room that night pacing around it. She was still in the dress she'd put on earlier, but she'd kicked off the heels and pulled out the pins holding her hair up. She'd cried intermitantly, from frustration and confusion, which had caused her makeup to run. She looked like an unholy mess. But she didn't care.
Rachel had been convinced that she was, for lack of a better word, cured. She was much calmer now than she had been since the first few days after the war's end. She was eating again and getting a full night's sleep consistantly. But now, with Tobias' reappearance, all her hard work was being defeated. She'd been edgy ever since Tobias showed up on the doorstep, she had only picked at her supper and could barely taste the little she had eaten, and now it was two in the morning but she wasn't even slightly tired.
"I need to get out of here," she finally whispered to herself.
When she and Cassie had visited Marco here earlier in the year, he'd given them a detailed tour, which included all the security procautions he had taken. However, Tobias had obviously gotten by them easily enough. . . .
And that gave Rachel an idea.
Frantically she pawed through the dresser, looking for something - anything - that could serve as a morphing outfit. Not planning on ever needing it again, Rachel had gotten rid of her original one a long time ago.
She didn't have much with her, certainly nothing she could get away with wearing in public, but she did have a sports bra and a pair of boy-cut panties that would due. She slipped them on quickly, then shoved her dress and shoes into a small duffle bag. Careful not to make any loud sounds, Rachel went to the window and pushed it open. The bedroom she was in was on the first floor, as was Cassie's; the others were staying on the second or third floors of the house. If it weren't for all of Marco's security, it would have been nothing to climb over the window sill and make a run for it, but as it was Rachel had to gently toss the bag onto the ground, just beyond the row of hedges that ran around the entire house. Then she stepped back inside and closed her eyes to focus on the owl DNA she hadn't used in years.
When the changes began, it was like Rachel had never stopped morphing. She'd been half afraid she somehow wouldn't remember how, or all the drugs would have affected something, but the morph went as smoothly as she could expect a morph to. Within a minute she was a snow white owl. She hopped up to the window sill and effortlessly glided to the ground to grab the duffle bag strap in her talons. It took some effort to pull the awkward bag into the air, but she managed and flew over the security gate that bordered Marco's property without anyone noticing.
Marco's backyard faced a small patch of woods, which suited Rachel's purposes perfectly. She flew in there and demorphed in the shadows. She stuffed her bra back in to the bag - it never would have worked with the dress - then slipped back into her clothes and shoes.
A sharp pang of guilt made Rachel look at Marco's house. It was dark inside. No one had any idea what she was up to.
I can still go back, Rachel thought. No one has to know what I'm trying to do. But even as she thought it, Rachel knew she couldn't do it. Besides, she wasn't exactly running away. She had every intention of returning before anyone noticed she was gone. She just needed to be outside for awhile. Staring at the same four walls all night had begun to make her claustrophobic and she couldn't think coherantly under those circumstances.
Wincing as she took her first step away from the house and her heel sank into the soft dirt, Rachel walked along the edge of the woods until reaching the sidewalk that passed in front of Marco's house. Glad to be on solid ground again, Rachel started walking. Away from Marco's.
Every step lifted the weight that had been settling on Rachel's shoulders through the course of the evening. Every breath of cool night air cleared her head. By the time the sky began to lighten with the oncoming dawn, Rachel was feeling like herself again.
There was just one problem however. Rachel hadn't walked in a straight line from Marco's house. And she'd been so out of sorts when she'd set out, she hadn't kept track of her path.
"Shit," Rachel muttered. Suddenly the plan that had sounded so great four hours earlier was turning into a nightmare. Or, perhaps more accurately, a bad memory. Wandering unfamiliar streets in provocative clothes. . . all that she needed to complete the image of her past life was a needle to make her faded tracks stand out again.
Cars were beginning to appear on the streets Rachel walked along. People on their way to work. But panic was begining to settle into Rachel's brain and she could only picture that each car she heard approach from behind was going to slow down and pull up next to her.
Unable to take much more of that thought, Rachel ducked into the next side street she happened upon and leaned up against the cool brick of a building, closing her eyes and taking deep steadying breaths.
Only to have all her calming efforts counteracted when she heard people's voices coming closer to her.
Rachel opened her eyes wide and found, to her shock, that she hadn't stepped into a side street, but rather a dark back alley. It was connected to the main street but, if she was reading the signs posted on the walls in the half dawn light, it was meant for deliveries only.
Perhaps the voices were of delivery people?
Nervously, Rachel glanced around, looking for the source of the voices. Farther back into the alley it was nearly impossible to see details, but she thought she saw the silhouettes of two figures huddled together.
Leave now, Rachel told herself. Before they see you.
Amazingly, Rachel's body listened to her mind. But she'd forgotten to take the hard heels of her shoes into account and her first step practically echoed in the enclosed alley.
"Who's that?" a voice demanded.
Panicking again, Rachel tried to run, but she stepped on her foot wrong and collapsed to the ground. "Ouch," she hissed. "Shit." Her right knee was already starting to bleed and had tiny pieces of sand and gravel stuck to it. Her ankle hurt for a moment, but didn't feel strange.
Running footsteps came towards Rachel from the back of the alley. She tried standing up, but before she got up on her own, rough hands were grabbing her arms and pulling her to her feet. Rachel soon found herself staring into a pair of hard dark brown eyes. "Who are you?" the voice belonging to Brown Eyes demanded. It sounded like a woman's, but under all the dirt and matted hair Rachel couldn't tell by looking at the person's face. "What are you doing here?"
"I - I was just out walking. I stopped here to rest for a moment," Rachel said quickly.
"Walking?" another voice said. This was definitely a woman's. "Street walking, maybe."
"A street walker looking to take our stash?" Brown Eyes suggested.
"Stash?" Rachel repeated. Her eyes grew wide. "No, no, I swear. I would never do that."
The other woman came around to join her friend. Rachel was startled to see her. She was tall but very thin, almost emaciated, with dirty and stringy blond hair, but enormous blue eyes. Rachel imagined that was what she'd looked only a few months before. "Maybe not steal," she conceded. "Borrow, maybe? If it's been a good night, maybe even buy?"
"N-no," Rachel stammered. "Really." I should morph, she thought. These two are so strung out, no one will believe them if they tell anyone.
Brown Eyes pulled a needle out of a pocket of her - yes, if she looked away from the face Rachel could tell from the subtle curves of Brown Eyes' body that she was a woman - jeans and began to twirl it through her fingers. "You don't sound too sure of yourself anymore."
"I - I can't. Really, I can't."
Brown Eyes shrugged. "Fine. I'm convinced you didn't mean us any harm. You're not a cop and you're not about to squeal to them, either. Look at her, Mary," Brown Eyes said to the blond girl, "she's terrified!" She laughed.
But Mary looked concerned. "You're recovering, aren't you?" Rachel nodded.
Brown Eyes laughed again. "What's the point of 'recovering'? I don't know anyone who hasn't gone back eventually." Rachel was staring at the needle. Brown Eyes noticed. "You want to, don't you."
"Y - no! I actually have to be getting back to my friends."
Brown Eyes shrugged. "Fine. More for us."
Rachel backed away a few steps, then stopped. "Is. . . is it any good?"
Brown Eyes smiled slyly. "Some of the best in LA."
Rachel licked her lips. She wanted to leave. She knew she had to. But her mind and her body were no longer communicating. "Maybe. . . I could try just a shot?"
Brown Eyes's face broke into a big grin. "Of course. Take her arm, Mary. The poor girl looks like she's gonna faint."
"We're taking her home with us?" Mary asked as she gently took one of Rachel's arms.
"Of course. It's the least we can do for the poor girl."

***

Cassie slept fitfully through the night, and finally got up for good around dawn. Feeling groggy, she grabbed some clothes for herself and went to the nearest bathroom to shower.
By the time she got out, there were signs of life in other parts of the house as well. When Cassie went to the kitchen, she found Ax and Marco already there, drinking coffee and sharing a box of doughnuts.
"Hey, Cassie," Marco greeted.
"Goo' morrid, Cathee," Ax said, his mouth full of doughnut.
"How many times have I said no talking with your mouth full," Marco scolded.
Ax swallowed. "Sorry. Good morning, Cassie."
Cassie smiled wearily. "Morning, guys." She grabbed a coffee mug from a cupboard and poured herself a cup of coffee, then sat at the table across from Marco and Ax.
"Sleep well?" Marco asked as he held out the doughnut box. Cassie took a chocolate one with rainbow sprinkles.
"No, not really." She took a sip of coffee. "The situation between Rachel and Tobias kept me up."
"What happened with them?"
Cassie shrugged. "Neither would talk to me." She looked to Ax. "Did Tobias say anything to you?"
Ax shook his head. "He was very vague. Guh. Vuh. He didn't wish to speak about it."
"Hopefully this won't drive either of them back into hiding," Marco said.
"I don't know about Tobias, but I think Rachel will be able to handle it," Cassie said. "She might not like it that Tobias is around, but she's grown a lot in the past couple of months. She'll survive. She's certainly been through worse."
Jake joined the group at the table a few minutes later, Tobias following close behind. Marco had provided a room for Tobias so he'd have privacy to morph and demorph, but there was a tree just outside the window to allow Tobias to roost when he was in his hawk form.
The group sat around the table, talking about more casual subjects than they had the night before. Movies and politics and, at every chance he got, Marco dropped in how he personally knew the person they were talking about.
Cassie began to grow concerned when she checked her watch around ten and Rachel still hadn't appeared. In fact, there hadn't been any noise from her bedroom, so it wasn't like Rachel had gotten up, taken a shower, and was now just avoiding the group. It'd been over a month since Rachel had tried to sleep past noon, and that was the day after she and Cassie had been up working until one in the morning. Cassie excused herself from the table and went to Rachel's bedroom.
"Rachel?" Cassie called as she knocked. "You awake yet?"
No answer.
Cassie opened the door and practically shouted a curse when she saw the empty bedroom and open window. The four guys came running.
"What is it?" Jake demanded.
Cassie was shaking. In rage, frustration or fear even she didn't know. "She's gone. She's done it again. She's run away."
No one even suggested searching the house before they organized their outside search. If Rachel was anywhere in the house, Cassie's curse would have summoned her back to her room.
Unconsciously, Jake slipped back in to leader mode, and the others were more than happy to follow him. "Tobias, I want you up in the air. Look everywhere possible. Marco, can you and Ax take one of your cars to search part of the city?"
Marco nodded. "We'll take from here north."
"All right. Cassie and I will take my car and search south."
"You're not going to find her in the shopping district," Cassie said quietly. "That isn't why she left in the middle of the night. And she'd attract too much attention out in the open like that. She's going to be in some dingy back alley. I pray without a needle in her arm."
Marco nodded somberly, then grabbed Ax by the arm and dragged him to the garage.
Jake looked to Cassie. "Do you want to come along? Maybe we should leave someone here in case she returns."
"Marco's got security people who will make sure she doesn't leave again," Cassie said. "I have to come along." Jake nodded, and together they jogged to the driveway where Jake's SUV was parked. He'd ditched his security people for the weekend, explaining that while he was with Marco there were enough security measures in place to rival Fort Knox so he and Cassie were alone for the drive around the city.
"How far could she have gotten?" Jake asked as he drove. He and Cassie were both staring out windows, looking for any shadowy place Rachel could have hidden herself in.
"I don't know. I have no idea when she left. After 11, I know. That's when I went to bed and I could hear her in her room. Pacing. I guess Tobias upset her more than I realized."
"I never would have thought she'd react like that. They were supposed to be the perfect couple."
"Oh, they were far from it."
"Well, I know that. Now especially. But never, even when they were still together and Tobias was making excuses for her, did I imagine things could possibly get this bad."

***

Marco chose a plain looking car from his collection to take out on his and Ax's search. The last thing the pair needed was to attract attention. No one had said anything, but it was assumed that this latest escape attempt had to be kept from the media.
"There's a map of LA in the glove compartment," Marco told Ax as he pulled out of the driveway. "We can use that to check off streets we've already been through."
After taking a minute to figure out exactly how to pinch the buttons to open it, Ax opened the glove compartment and pulled out a map, then spent another five minutes folding and unfolding the map to get it to a manageable size.
"We might have to get out and do most of this on foot," Marco told Ax as they approached a densely populated area. "With all these little alleys between apartment buildings and such, there's a million places for someone to hide."
"That would probably be the most efficient plan of action," Ax agreed. "We can not see very much driving past these alleys, even at decreased speeds."
Without pausing, Marco swerved and pulled the car into a parallel parking space, causing the driver of the car behind him to honk his horn. "Whatever," Marco muttered as he and Ax stepped out of the car.
"Perhaps we should split up," Ax suggested as they walked towards the nearest alley. "With one of us searching each side of the street, our search would be completed twice as fast. Tuh."
"It'd be a little suspicious to see one Animorph ducking in and out of alleys. We're sticking together. And if anyone asks we can make up something, like we're simply out for a walk, enjoying our beautiful city."
"There are many words I would use to describe this city, but, especially in this area, 'beautiful' is not one of them."
Marco rolled his eyes. "Less talking, more looking. We've gotta find Rachel before some sleazy reporter does."

***

Rachel spent most of the morning dozing on a mattress that reeked of beer and stale urine in an ugly, broken down warehouse. In between naps, she'd take a shot of heroin from Mary or Brown Eyes, who's name turned out to be Ariel, just like the Disney character. Either Rachel looked a lot worse than she thought she did, or the two of them were too strung out on various drugs and disconnected from the mainstream to recognize her as being an Animorph. So Rachel reverted back to using the name that had been put on her fake ID so many months ago: Sara.
"So how's it feel to be back among friends?" Mary asked as she prepared another shot for herself and Rachel.
Rachel smiled lazily. "You can't even imagine the feeling. The people I've been staying with since cleaning up. . . they just don't understand what it's like. They see the old needle tracks and freak out, then try to ignore them and treat me like, I don't know, I was just on vacation for awhile." She laughed. "And maybe I was!"
"To never ending vacations," Mary said as she handed Rachel a full needle.
"Amen, sister," Rachel muttered as she expertly found a vein and injected her drug. "Amen to that."

***

As the sun began to fall below the horizon, setting the sky ablaze in orange and red, Marco's and Ax's resolve was begining to fall as well, though without the spectacular colors.
"We've been through half the alleys in this damn city," Marco said as he and Ax were driving again. "We've been approached by five reporters, three photographers, and God alone knows how many random people. But no one has seen any sign of Rachel."
"If she left very early this morning, it's quite conceivable that she found a place to hide before the general population was awake. A-wake-uh," Ax rationalized.
But Marco wasn't in the mood for rationalizations. He checked his cell phone again, to make sure it was on and receiving a signal and he really hadn't missed a call from Jake and Cassie saying they'd found Rachel and she was perfectly fine.
Marco? Ax? >
Marco nearly swerved off the road. "Tobias?" he asked verbally, out of habit.
Tobias? Have you seen anything? > Ax asked.
I think so. It's getting too dark for me to read street signs, but there's a girl who's wearing the same dress Rachel was last night sitting just inside some old abandoned looking building. It's by some apartment complexes, um. . . Pine Estates and Traditions? >
"I know where that is," Marco said, pulling a sharp and very illegal U-turn in the middle of the street. "Tell Tobias we're on our way, and see if he can track down Cassie and Jake."
Ax relayed the message.
Will do, > Tobias said.
In just a few minutes, Marco and Ax were pulling up to an abandoned warehouse in a shady part of town that Marco had only driven through before, never actually stopped. Even the air seemed to have a different quality, just a few streets over from the "respectable" apartments and stores. It was thicker. Grittier. The flickering and broken street lights didn't do anything to lighten the atmosphere of the street.
"How the hell are we going to get in there without getting jumped? Especially when we don't even know if she's the one in there?" Marco asked.
"I believe we can trust Tobias' judgement in this situation. He would know better than anyone, except possibly Cassie, what Rachel would look like."
"Yeah," Marco admitted. "Come on. We need to stop looking like tourists and easy victims and simply go in there, pick up Rachel, and get her out." Ax nodded, and walked by Marco's side into the dilapidated building.
Marco coughed when he took his first breath inside the building. He'd lived in some pretty bad places in his day, but nothing as rancid as this. It was an obvious drug den, as no one even looked up at his and Ax's arrival.
"Look near the windows," Marco instructed Ax in a whisper, trying to breathe through his mouth rather than his nose. "Tobias wouldn't have been able to see her if she was very far away from one." Ax nodded and began looking around in the opposite direction from Marco.
Marco couldn't believe that people could actually live in this squalor. Then again, judging by the state of some of the people there, they were hardly 'living.' Everyone who was awake had a glassy eyed stare, either from drugs or alcohol. No one was talking. The only sounds came from liquid being drained from bottles, happy sighs as people felt the effects of their drug, and, from somewhere Marco was thankful he couldn't see, the animalistic grunts of anonymous sex. Part of Marco was seriously hoping Tobias had been wrong, and Rachel wasn't here.
I've found her, > Ax told Marco somberly. The southwest corner of the building. I believe I will need your help removing her from the building. >
Marco got over to the other side of the building as fast as he could, doing his best not to trip over bodies or bottles. He found Ax kneeling over the bodies of three young women, all in various stages of undress with new needle marks on their arms. Rachel was among them, the dress from the night before almost unrecognizable through the tears and filth.
"Is she. . . is there. . ."
"She is breathing," Ax said quietly. "But that is all I can be sure of."
"I think I can lift her. Move the other two," Marco said. Ax did as he was told and Marco bent down and placed one arm under Rachel's head, the other under her knees, and carefully lifted her up. Even after nine months of recovery, Rachel hadn't quite regained her old weight and certainly none of the muscle. Marco had no trouble lifting her and carrying her from the building.
When they reached the car, Marco's cell phone was ringing and showing Jake's number on the caller ID. Marco laid Rachel in the back seat of the car and told Ax to sit with her while drove.
"What is it, Jake?" Marco asked when he answered the phone.
"Tobias said he found her?"
"Yeah. We've got her in my car now."
"What's it look like?"
"Bad. Real bad. Should we take her to the hospital?"
Jake's voice was muffled for a moment. Marco was about to ask Jake to repeate what he said when Jake clearly said, "Cassie wants to see Rachel first. I know we passed a hospital during our search that wasn't that far from your place. We even stopped in there to see if Rachel had taken shelter there for whatever reason. If we need to, we can get Rachel there within minutes."
"Gotcha. We'll be back at my place as soon as we can be." Marco hung up the phone. "We're taking her home," he told Ax as he turned on the car and slammed it into gear. He was in such a hurry that the tires spun for a moment before the car lurched forward and they were on their way.
They made it back to Marco's house in record time. Jake, Cassie and Tobias were standing on the front step already when Marco pulled into the driveway. Cassie ran to meet them at the car.
"I have been monitering her pulse during the drive," Ax informed Cassie as Marco gently lifted Rachel from the backseat. "I am afraid to say it has been rather erratic."
"Take her to her room," Cassie told Marco as they went inside the house. "Get her extra blankets and maybe even a few pillows."
"I know where those are," Ax said, and walked as quickly as he could to track them down.
"If she's as weak as Ax says, shouldn't we just take her to the hospital?" Tobias asked.
"If she were anyone else, I wouldn't even question it," Cassie said curtly as she felt Rachel's pulse for herself. "But I wanted to see her for myself. If. . . well, no one else needs to find out about this if it's not as bad as - or if it's worse than - we fear."
Rachel began to toss about slightly and her eyes fluttered open. "Mary? Ariel?"
"Shh," Cassie said. "It's Cassie. You're back at Marco's."
"Fuck," Rachel muttered. "Not again."
"I think we need to take you to the hospital, Rachel."
Rachel shook her head. "What's the point?"
Cassie looked up at the door way where the other Animorphs stood. Ax was waiting with an armload of blankets and pillows. "Just leave them there, Ax. Can you guys leave us alone for a bit?" Without a word, the guys stepped out and closed the door behind them.
Cassie turned her attention back to Rachel. "What do you mean, what's the point? Of course there's a point. You have so much to live for!"
"Every time I get a second chance, I fuck it up," Rachel whispered weakly. "I don't have anything left. I can't be trusted on my own. I can't stand to be around anyone except you. What kind of fucked up existence is that?"
"But you can get better! You were doing so well!"
"If that's 'well,' I don't want that anymore." She focused her attention on Cassie. "The only thing I'll miss is you."
"Shh, don't say that," Cassie told Rachel, tears welling up in her eyes. She took one of Rachel's hands; it was shaking. "Are you cold?" Rachel's shoulders rose and fell slightly. Cassie interpretted it as a shrug. "Let me get you a blanket." Cassie went to the door where Ax had left the pile and grabbed two blankets and another pillow. "Here," she said as she laid the blankets over Rachel. "And a pillow for your head."
Now Rachel was about to cry. "You're too good, Cassie. I don't deserve this."
"Of course you do. And you're going to make a full recovery, just likeyou have before."
"But I'm a failure. I don't deserve anymore chances."
"You are the strongest person I know. You've been through rougher stretches than this and pulled through."
Rachel looked away. "You don't know what I've done today."
"Then tell me. You know I'll always listen to you."
Rachel's eyes shut. "I'm tired," she whispered.
Cassie sat on the edge of the bed and took Rachel's hand. "Sleep, then. I'll be right next to you the whole time. I'll be here when you wake up." And you will. You have to.

***

True to her word, Cassie didn't leave Rachel's side the entire evening. The other Animorphs came in and out to check on Rachel, and Ax brought dinner on one of his trips. Cassie thanked him, but wasn't hungry.
Tobias was the last of the group to drift in to the room. He stood by Cassie's shoulder, silently watching Rachel sleep, for several minutes before speaking. "We should take her to the hospital. We have to. We can't nurse her back on our own."
"And all the hospital could do, maybe, is put her on an IV to keep her fed and wait with her while she goes through withdrawal. They can't cure her," Cassie said.
"But they can give her a chance!"
Cassie turned in her seat to look at Tobias. "A chance to go through this again?"
"I can't just sit back and watch the woman I love die!"
"And you think I can? Maybe I don't love her the way you do, Tobias, but make no mistake: I love Rachel more than I love any other person on the planet. This tears me up inside more than you can imagine."
"Then how can you just sit here and watch her?"
"How long would Rachel last if she did pull through this? Six months? A year? Maybe two? Rachel living for two years under constant supervision? That's not living, especially for Rachel."
Tobias sat on the edge of the bed. "But can we live without her?"
"Let's not talk about that now," Cassie said as she reached for Tobias' hand. "Let's see what the morning brings."

***

Both Rachel and Cassie slept fitfully through the night. It seemed every time Cassie drifted off, Rachel would wake up and want another blanket, or to have one taken away. Jake came in at one point and offered to take over the watch from Cassie, but she refused. She had promised to stay with Rachel, and if this was the last promise she made to Rachel she was going to keep it.
Around dawn, Cassie finally had to leave Rachel's side to use the bathroom. When she returned she found Rachel awake, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"Hey," Cassie said softly. "Hey, I'm right here, Rachel." She took one of Rachel's hands. Surprisingly, Rachel squeezed Cassie's hand.
"I know," Rachel croaked. "You promised."
"And I've been here all night. How - how are you feeling?"
"Like I'm dying." Rachel struggled to focus on Cassie's face. "Am I?"
"I don't know. You need to go to the hospital -"
"No."
"But Rachel -"
"What's the point?" Rachel repeated. "I'm just so tired of it all. And cold."
Cassie pulled another blanket on to the bed. "Then why don't you rest. Maybe, after some sleep. . . ."
Rachel shook her head slightly. "But yeah. Maybe."
"Do you want me to stay? Or maybe Jake?"
"Yes. Please?"
"Me?" Rachel nodded weakly. "Of course I'll stay." Cassie settled back into the chair she'd spent the night in.
Soon Cassie heard the sounds of the other houseguests rising. Dresser drawers were sorted through, toilets were used and showers were run. One by one, the guys stopped by Rachel's room to check on her progress. Cassie repeated Rachel's latest conversation to each of them.
"I still can't believe she'd give up like this," Tobias said when he was in.
"You know better than anyone what the last two years have been like for her."
"She's survived so much. . . to be beaten by this?"
"After surviving so much, what was left to keep her going?"
Tobias shook his head. "I was hoping I'd be enough."
Cassie returned her attention to Rachel. "So was I."
Ax brought in breakfast and lunch for Cassie and Rachel, but like the dinner the night before it largely remained untouched.
It was late evening before Rachel woke up again enough to speak. "Cassie?" she whispered hoarsely.
"I'm here," Cassie assured her friend, squeezing Rachel's hand.
"For how long?"
"Almost 24 hours now."
"Why?"
"Why?" Cassie repeated. A dozen reasons raced through her head. "Because. . . because you're my friend. And one of the most important people in my life."
Rachel attempted to smile. "I'm sorry."
"Oh, Rachel," Cassie said with a sigh.
"In case. . . in case I don't make it, Cassie, I need to talk to you."
Cassie didn't bother to argue with Rachel's morbid prediction. "Of course."
"Is the door closed?"
Cassie glanced behind her. "It is."
Rachel nodded. "Good."
"What is it?" Cassie asked gently.
Rachel shook her head. "I don't know if I can say it."
"Take your time."
"Do I have any left?"
"You can have as much time as you want to have. It's all up to you," Cassie said firmly.
"I don't have that strength anymore." Rachel sighed. "What did I do to deserve a best friend like you?"
Cassie's mouth quirked up in an attempt at a smile. "Luck?"
"Mine's not that good."
"Perhaps it was mine then."
That made Rachel smile. "Yeah. You deserve all the good luck you get."
Cassie gently massaged Rachel's hand. It was so cold. "You know, you're probably the best thing that ever happened to me."
"Why?"
"All the best things in my life happened because of you."
"Yeah. Right."
"Really. I wanted so badly to be just like you in elementary school. You were always so fearless."
"And look where it got me."
"It doesn't have to be this way."
"Yes it does." Rachel struggled to take a deep breath. "But I wanted to say. . . something. I. . . I don't remember anymore."
"It'll come back to you. Just rest for awhile."
"No. No, I can't. Not before I tell you. . . tell you. . . ."
"Relax," Cassie coached Rachel. She could feel her throat closing up with the effort to hold back tears. It's my turn to be strong. For her.
"I love you," Rachel suddenly said.
"What?"
"That's what I had to say. I think I love you, Cassie."
Cassie smiled weakly and pushed a strand of hair off Rachel's forehead. "Of course you do. And I love you, too."
Rachel shook her head, frustrated. "No. I mean it, Cassie. I. . . it's. . . the way I was supposed to feel about Tobias? That's what I mean."
Holding back the tears was becomming harder for Cassie. "I don't know what to say."
Rachel gripped Cassie's hand tightly. "Say it?"
"What?"
"Do you. . . I just poured my - my heart out to you. Say something?"
Cassie half gasped, half sobbed for a breath. "I - I love you, too, Rachel. The same way."
A ghost of a smile appeared on Rachel's lips as she closed her eyes again.