I don't think I need to tell you that I was bashing Chrono Cross back there.
Side-Story #2
"North - Cursed Shrine. East - Topoly. West - South Rosedale." Hagmore straightened. "Well, there isn't much on the way of choice here, is there? They seem to want to make it very apparent where we should go."
Ari strolled past him, humming a happy little tune. "Well, let's relax for a little bit. We've been walking ever since we got off that boat, and my feet hurt."
"With destiny," Hagmore agreed. "Well, there's a bazaar going on here, we can look around and see if there's anything worth buying." Ari skipped away, and Hagmore tromped after her, clanking with each step. At that, he paused for a moment. "Ari!" She paused in her skipping to look at him curiously. "I'm gonna go find an inn first and get rid of some of this armor. I'll catch up with you later." Ari smiled and waved back, then disappeared into the crowd. Hagmore nodded to himself and trudged off to find an inn.
It didn't take long, since there was only one building in the entire town that said 'Inn' over the door. Hagmore walked in and purchased a room for 70 GP/night. He deposited his armor and Holy Avenger in the room, locked it, and strolled off to try and find Ari. He failed to see the pair of gleaming eyes that watched him in the shadows like a plot point waiting to strike.
Hagmore walked out into the crowded street, filled with street vendors and merchants from around the world, hawking their foreign goods to the people who wandered about. Hagmore saw all kinds of wonders about the street, strange animals from distant lands, all kinds of foodstuffs, pumpernickel, and the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota. He was staring at the ball of twine when he felt someone pulling on his belt. He glanced over to see a small child trying to get his purse. He idly slapped the child away and strolled off.
"Hagmore!" Hagmore turned to see Ari standing on a barrel waving at him. He weaved through the crowd to where she stood. "You have to come see! I found all kinds of neat places with all kinds of stuff! There's all these cooking stores, and they sell all these rare ingredients, and there's item shops, and and and you have to see it! C'mon!" The over-energetic cook grabbed Hagmore and dragged him away.
The cooking section of the bazaar was a bit more than the average person could handle. As soon as you entered, you were accosted by mothers claiming to be the best cook around, overwhelmed by the men who cooked Manly Meals, and attacked by giant frozen tuna that you could use as a weapon if you wanted to. Ari blew past most people and weaved around those she couldn't, still dragging the helpless Red Mage behind her.
"What do we need from here?" Hagmore asked painfully, fending off another Manly Cooker.
"There are so many great shops, why do you need to even ask?" Ari bubbled excitedly, running from one stand to the next.
"My arm wants it's body back..." Hagmore moaned, praying that she would stop soon.
Just then, a man with impeccable timing appeared in front of them. His timing was so impeccable, that the whole world slowed down for a moment as they paused to let him pass. It was like having a cut-scene, but totally unrelated to anything.
Distracted by the impeccable timing, Hagmore almost didn't see the warning sign that flashed at the top of the screen. "Oh, look, a plot point," he said, pointing. Several townspeople looked up as well.
"Take cover!" someone shouted, and everyone dove for cover - under carts, inside houses, under dresses, inside fruits, wherever they could find shelter. Hagmore and Ari simply stood blankly as everyone scattered. A cloud of dust blew up; when it cleared, the plot point had arrived.
It was in the shape of a group of rather tough-looking group of men, all wearing tattered blue cloaks with shifty faces. There were four of them altogether. One was a thin, average man with spiky blond hair, one a huge boulder of a man with no hair and a nose ring, one a shorter fat man with short black hair, and the fourth a tall man whose face was half obscured by a mask. They faced Hagmore and Ari, the wind blowing at their cloaks.
"Well, well...what do we have here? Travelers?" The spiky-haired man sneered at them, looking them up and down. "And fairly well-off, too, it seems."
"Not many people come through here so well provided," the fat man gurgled. Hagmore and Ari looked at each other, then at themselves.
"If this is what you consider 'well-off'..." Hagmore said slowly, "then you guys must be really poor. Here, have a quarter. Don't spend it all in one place." Hagmore tossed a quarter at the four. There was a flash of movement from the masked man, and when the quarter hit the ground, it was in five pieces. Hagmore raised an eyebrow.
"Don't mock us, kid," the big man said in a deep voice. "Give us your money or we'll take your life."
"This is all very dramatic," Ari said quietly. "Do they really think that we have to fight them for our money? It's not even a challenge." The fat man heard her and sneered.
"I'm glad you see it our way, girl. Now drop your cash and leave!"
Ari blinked, confused. "What? No, I meant you guys against us. You'd lose in a flash. Not even worth a mini-boss fight." The four of them all stepped back, anger showing on their faces.
"What was that? Do you even know who we are, girl?" the spiky-haired man yelled. The four went into a series of intricate movements, jumping back and forth between buildings. They all landed in formation and struck a pose as they announced their names. "Lucius!" the spiky-haired one shouted.
"Grandorn!" the big man bellowed.
"Omlette!" the fat man screamed.
"Ardor," the masked man said softly.
"Together we are!" They all struck a Brand New Pose. "The Deirias Squad!" Drama shook the walls. There was a deafening silence, then the four looked at Hagmore and Ari. The two were squatting down, Hagmore rolling some dice. He added modifiers and made a total, then the two nodded.
"Sorry, guys, but you failed your roll to impress us," he reported. The four fell over, then quickly regained their composure.
"You dare to mock us so? I will show you no mercy!" Lucius yelled, crossing his hands across his chest. He ran towards them with a scream.
"Wait, Lucius!"
Everyone turned to look at the new speaker. It was a boy, barely looking twelve, also wearing a blue cloak, but a much nicer one, with matching blue hair. The boy walked over to the Deirias Squad, and the four went on their knees. He walked over to where Lucius knelt.
"There's no need to waste your time on these people. They no longer interest me." He shot a chilling smile to Hagmore and Ari, who still hadn't moved. "You two may go about your business again. We have no more business with you. However-" His eyes flashed dangerously. "If your try to interfere with us, we will not hesitate to kill you." He smiled pleasantly and walked away, the Deirias' following in tow. Hagmore scratched his head in confusion.
"That was very odd. What was it all about?" Ari shrugged. Hagmore shrugged back. "Whatever. Oh, right, I found the inn. Let's take a rest there, I'm beat." With that, the two walked out of the area. As they left, a single man was left standing in the still empty square, standing with impeccable timing.
The two walked back to the inn and Hagmore unlocked the room. He stepped in and threw himself on the bed, exhausted. "Man, what a day. So much exposition in this town. Can't we ever find someplace normal?" Ari laughed and sat down on the other bed.
"But this IS normal, Hagmore! Besides, I like this town. I think, when we're done with our adventures, I might come back here. I could probably find some good work."
"What, cooking monsters?" Ari threw a pillow at him.
"No, dummy, cooking REAL meals! People do like to eat real food, you know. Just because the only ingredients I have while we're on the field are monsters doesn't mean everyone eats them. Speaking of which, can I have your wallet? I wanna go buy some real food."
"Yeah, sure, it's in my armor." Ari jumped up and looked around.
"Well, where is it?" she asked impatiently. Hagmore groaned and sat up.
"What do you mean, where is it, you can't miss..." Hagmore looked around the room. His armor wasn't there. Neither was his sword. Hagmore looked around the room slowly, then with increasing franticness. "Where is it? Where's my armor?!" He looked like he was going to hyperventilate. "That armor was given to me when I became a Paladin! My instructor would have my head if he found I had lost it!" He sat down on the bed, his face in his hands. "I'll never live this up..."
"Don't give up so soon, Hagmore, it must be around here somewhere..." Ari began to explore the room, checking the closets and opening trunks as Hagmore angsted. She peeked under the bed and blinked. "Hello, what's this?" She reached under and there was a hiss from under the bed. Ari withdrew her hand quickly, sticking her finger in her mouth. "Something cut me!"
Hagmore jumped up and peered under the bed. There was something under there that looked almost human, but definitely wasn't. "Hello, who are you?" There was no response. "C'mon, now, I won't hurt you. Won't you come out here? It must be awfully cramped under there." There was a hesitant bit of movement.
"Don't worry, we won't hurt you," Ari said, coaxing the thing out. Slowly, the creature came out. It was a catgirl, barely coming up to Ari's shoulders, with flaxen blond hair and big green eyes. She wore rather worn clothes and didn't look too well fed. Hagmore scratched his head.
"How did you get in here? The door was locked when I left, and when I came back. Which reminds me, how did my armor get stolen if the door was still locked...?" His eyes narrowed. "Did YOU steal my armor?!" he said menacingly, looming over her. The catgirl cringed and hid behind Ari.
"Now, Hagmore, be nice to her." Ari chided him like a mother. She pet the catgirl on the head, stroking her ears. "See how cute she is?" Hagmore looked at the catgirl. The catgirl looked at him with the most pathetic and sad eyes anyone had ever seen. The look was so cute that it cured Hagmore's cancer that he didn't even know he had until it was cured.
"Alright, so she's too cute," Hagmore said with a sigh. "But how did she get in here?" He knelt in front of the catgirl. "What's your name, little one?"
The catgirl squirmed a bit, seeming to be torn between keeping quiet and talking. Finally, she said quickly, "Ruppi."
"Aw, what a cute name..." Ari gushed happily, hugging the poor girl. "She's so cute, Hagmore! Can we keep her?"
"Ari, you can't keep a catgirl. For one, she's not a pet, she's a person. For two, we don't have any money right now, so we can't even afford food for ourselves, much less anything else. Much as I hate to say it, she can't come with us."
Ruppi looked at him with sad eyes again. Hagmore would have gouged his eyes out so he didn't have to see them, they were so cute. He was about to blindfold himself so he could outside take the catgirl when she said, "I saw who took your things-nyo."
Hagmore rounded on her and nearly crushed her with his grip. "You did?! Who was it? Where did they go? What did they look like? I'll buy you a car if we can find our money! Who was it?" He was so anxious he shook her like a rag doll. Hagmore realized what he was doing and stopped. Ruppi swayed back and forth, looking terribly dizzy.
When she regained her composure, she finally started talking in her quiet voice. "I came in here not long after you left, by going in through a secret passage I found a long time ago-nyo. I was tired and was asleep under the bed when a little boy with fancy clothes came in and threw everything into a big bag-nyo. He looked really scary, so I stayed hiding-nyo." Hagmore rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"This boy...was he wearing a blue cloak?" Ruppi nodded. "It must have been that kid form before! No wonder he said that he wasn't interested in us!" Hagmore shook with rage. "That little brat...I'll rend him limb from limb! Let's go, Ari! We're gonna go kick some pre-pubescent ass!"
"Yay!" Ari jumped up and down happily. She turned to Ruppi. "You wanna come with us? It'll be lots of fun!" Ruppi looked at her a bit oddly.
"Um...Do you even know where he is-nyo?" she asked quietly.
"Of course not!" Hagmore said proudly, breaking apart a chair to use for a weapon. "But that's what the townspeople are for! We'll ask them for all the info we need!" With that, he marched out, chair leg over his shoulder, with Ari dragging Ruppi along.
The town was big - but that just meant all the more information there was to be gathered. Hagmore went through every area, interrogating every person he saw for whatever info he or she had. Far too often it was unless info. After a while, Hagmore started getting a little peeved. When he had gone through almost the entire town, he was getting severely upset. After the last area, he was ready to do war on someone. "This is insane! A huge town like this and not a SINGLE person knows where the hidden thieves' hideout is? What's wrong with these people? Don't they have priorities?"
Ari sat down, no longer enthused at the prospect of some ass kicking. 'This sucks. I'm tired now. Can we go and find some food? I'm really hungry!"
"Damn that kid! He must have threatened the people to keep his hideout secret!" Hagmore stamped the ground to show his anger to it.
"You know..." Ruppi said quietly. "There is a cursed shrine to the north of here-nyo. Do you think they might be in there-nyo?"
Hagmore stopped to consider. "Good enough! And even if they aren't, then by God, I'll whoop someone's ass!" He jumped up and ran outside. On the world map, they traveled north a few feet and entered the shrine.
It was white and run down, as cursed shrines are wont to be. The first room had a big sign that said some ancient gibberish. They ignored it and headed forward to the next room.
Then the puzzles began.
"'Putting two blocks of the same color down causes all blocks in between to change to that color. Move one green block to change all of the blocks to green!' Why is there an exclamation at the end?" Hagmore sighed. "Well, let's take a look at this."
There were seven different colors.
"I give up already. Let's go home," Ari begged.
"Never! I used to MAKE puzzles like these! One so simple won't stop me!" He observed it for a moment, then snapped. "Got it!" He then went and kicked one green block over a square. This somehow started a chain reaction and turned everything to green. The door to the next room opened. "See? Piece of cake."
The next room was about the same, but more blocks and a new puzzle. "'Move one mauve block and one teal block to change all the blocks to off-red!' This could be slightly more difficult." Hagmore once again observed the blocks for a while. Then, he threw a mauve block randomly across the room and kicked a teal one a few squares away. Somehow, again, this caused the solution. The door to the next room opened.
"This isn't so bad," Hagmore commented as they walked into the next room.
"You just had to say that, didn't you?" Ari moaned, pointing. There were millions of blocks, with dozens of colors, scattered all over, even on the walls and ceiling. Hagmore peered at the sign.
"'Move two grape blocks, one cow block, and one invisible block to change all the blocks in the room to happy!' I never even knew happy was a color!" Hagmore sat down and looked at everything. Hours passed.
Ari took a nap to pass the time. When she awoke, Hagmore was still at it, testing out theories and making adjustments. "Alright! I think I got it this time!" Hagmore pushed two grape blocks, one cow block, and the invisible block around to cause a chain reaction. Everything turned to the color happy...except for a small group of blocks in the corner. Hagmore studied them with an evil eye. He then walked over and kicked the blocks until they were broken to pieces. The door opened. "See? Victory!"
"I'm so hungry, Hagmore..." Ari wailed.
"Then we'll just have to cook their corpses for keeping us from food! I'm hungry, too!" The two proceeded on, Ruppi still in tow.
They had barely gone anywhere when some monsters attacked: a large lion thing with two smaller zebraish creatures. Ari instantly cooked the lion into a meal as Hagmore beat the zebras to death with his chair leg. They sat down and had a quick meal, then continued. Monsters avoided them after that.
After some exploring and such, they came to the large chapel area. And who else was there, but the Deirias Squad and the boy. They were lounging about, a mountain of wealth surrounding them. The boy noticed them and smiled. "Oh, you're finally here. What took you so long? Did you get lost?"
"You're funny, kid. Real funny." Hagmore stepped forward menacingly. "Give me back my armor!"
"Get lost!" Omlette said with a laugh. "What do you think you can do to us if we don't?"
Hagmore thought for a moment. "Beat you to within an inch of your life."
They all looked at each other and burst into laughter. "Oh, that was classic," the boy said, holding his side. "But we knew you were coming as soon as you entered. Before that, even. So we've prepared a little surprise for you." The doors slammed shut. "There's no escape for you...we'll just have to kill you." The boy stood up calmly. "Now, come here, Ruppi."
There was a pause, then Ari and Hagmore turned to look at the catgirl. "What? You mean...you were working for them all along?"
Ruppi cringed. "I-I'm sorry, nyo...they forced me to do it-nyo. I didn't have any choice-nyo..." With that, she scampered away to near the boy. He grabbed her roughly and stroked her ears.
"That's a good girl. See, it wasn't so hard, was it? Now, beat it." With that, he threw Ruppi into the pews. She yelped in pain, but he just kicked her to keep her quiet.
"You can't treat her like that!" Ari yelled.
"And why not?" The boy sneered. "She's my pet."
"You can't own a person!" Ari yelled back.
"Shut up, girl!" Lucius yelled. He threw a large golden cup at her, which Hagmore intercepted. "Don't you dare talk that way to Master Ysverdanya!"
"I'll talk to him however I want!" Ari shouted. "Besides, I'm hungry! Give us back our money!"
"You'll have to fight us for it!" Grandorn bellowed. He charged, and Hagmore jumped to the side to avoid him.
"Ari! Look out!" he shouted. But Ari did not move. At the last minute, she whirled and point at Grandorn with a frying pan.
"Babushka!" she shouted. Grandorn was enveloped with a bright glow. Suddenly, he was compacted into a small babushka doll. Ari picked him up and pocketed him. The rest of the Deirias were all in shock.
"Grandorn...beaten so easily..." Omlette growled. "I won't let you get away with this!" He pointed at Ari. "Fire 4!" A huge burst of fire erupted from the ground. Ari walked through the blaze, her eyes full of hunger and anger.
"Don't you DARE try to burn my hair!" she shouted, throwing several forks at him. They struck, each dealing surprising damage.
Lucius charged at Ari, but Hagmore stepped in between. "You have to get through me first, kid." Hagmore said with a growl.
"Easy enough!" Lucius reached into his belt and drew two short swords. He began to swing at Hagmore, who tried to block with his chair leg, but it was quickly cut to pieces. He was forced to dodge the flurry of attacks, trying to find an opening. Lucius swung a bit too hard on one swing, and Hagmore tried to get close to hit him. Lucius was expecting that, however, and struck Hagmore with his shoulder, then cast a wind spell. Hagmore slammed into the wall and crashed through it, landing propped up against something. Lucius entered the room, about ready to say something witty when he stopped and stared in horror. Hagmore raised and eyebrow and looked at what he was propped against.
It was a sword. Not just any sword - clearly a holy sword. He took one look at the base and grinned. He stood and drew the blade from the stone it rested in. "Now, try to fight me with the Holy Blade Excalibur!"
"Shit! Excalibur?! That was here?" Lucius ran in to try and attack Hagmore before he could do anything. Hagmore swung his sword and a wave of holy fire poured out. Lucius swore and ran out. Hagmore followed and froze.
Lucius was holding Ruppi, a sword against her throat. "Don't come any closer, or I'll cut her throat! I mean it! Not a step closer!"
Hagmore looked at him oddly. "Whatever." With that, he cast Bolt 3. Lucius was sufficiently fried into meat. Ruppi was spared from the spell. "You alright?" Hagmore asked her. She nodded, her eyes wide and afraid.
Ari struck Omlette with a frying pan and cooked him into - what else - an omlette. Just then, Ardor came floating down. "You must now fight me for the honor of fighting Master Ys."
"Ys? You call him Ys for short?" Ardor nodded. Ari sighed. "What a bad joke..." Just then, Hagmore hopped up, now clad in his armor again, with the Holy Avenger over his back and the Excalibur in his hand. "Hey, you got our stuff back!"
"Yep! Which means it's time to go eat!"
"Yay!" They turned to leave, but were stopped by the large sealed door. "Damn. We have to fight them."
"Oh, well." They turned to face Ardor. He flew in and disappeared suddenly. Hagmore idly stuck out his hand, and there was a resounding thud. Ardor reappeared, holding his nose.
"How were you able to see me? No one has ever been able to see me!" Hagmore shrugged. "Grrr...damn you! Take this!" He created a large ball of destruction and hurled at them. Hagmore drew the Holy Avenger and crossed his two swords, holding the ball where it was. Ari drew herself up and drew several painful-looking kitchen utensils.
"Armashmeddon!" She cried, and threw them all at Ardor. He was sufficiently maimed by all the utensils. Ari then pulled out a large rolling pin and smacked him on the head with it. Ardor fell over and was defeated. EXP for the whole of the fight was totaled and delivered.
"Very interesting," Ys said, appearing out of nowhere. "The Deirias Squad has never been defeated before...and never so easily. You two definitely aren't people to take lightly."
"Well, we have to beat him to get out of here, right?" Hagmore asked. "Let's get this over and done with. I'm really hungry." Ys smiled.
"You two don't seem to realize the danger you're in...allow me to show you how helpless you really are." He suddenly vanished. Hagmore and Ari looked around, trying to find him, but there was no trace of him. "Looking for something?" Ys' voice came from behind Hagmore. He spun and tried to hit him, but her was gone before he even finished turning. "No, no...over here!" Again, from behind. Hagmore whirled again, but no sign of him. "Where are you aiming?" Hagmore, frustrated, spun in a continuous circle, his swords out.
"Watch where you're swinging those!" Ari yelled, ducking to avoid the huge swords.
"Ha ha ha...you are helpless against me. There's no way you can match my speed!" His voice came from all around. Hagmore was suddenly struck rather viciously in the back. He stumbled forward and tried to look to see Ys. Ari was then tripped and hit several times in rapid succession. Hagmore narrowed his eyes, then smiled. He swung his sword and stabbed behind him, hearing a satisfying crunch. He turned to see Ys staring at him, clutching his bleeding side. "How...did you see me...?"
"You weren't moving fast at all...just invisible. Then you used ventriloquism to project your voice to confuse us while you got in position." Hagmore pointed his sword at the boy. "You're finished."
"Not likely!" Ys began to glow, then split into seven. "See if you can see through this, now! Each one of these copies is just like me in every way! Meaning, they can also hurt you! Try and kill me now!" The copies converged on Hagmore. He attacked them all, but as soon as they were cut down, they regenerated. Not only that, but their attacks were powerful. Surrounded, things looked bad. Until several explosions sent the copies scurrying. Hagmore turned to see Ari, holding a shining pot.
"Where'd you get that? It's a holy...cook set..." Hagmore said, trailing off, not sure how to come to terms with that.
"Oh, I found it somewhere. Who cares? Let's finish this!" Ari pointed it at the copies and fired again. The explosion blew them apart, but they reformed. "Damn, how are we supposed to kill him?"
Hagmore pulled himself up as the copies advanced again. Suddenly, Ruppi came running in and tackled one of the copies. The others suddenly flickered and disappeared. "Quick!" she shouted, her arms wrapped around Ys' neck. "Finish him-nyo! I can hold off his spell!"
"B-but, you'll die too!" Ari shouted. Ruppi smiled a little.
"It's okay-nyo...I don't have any family or friends. All I did was steal for them-nyo...but I didn't like that life. So let it end for me-nyo..." A tear ran down her check. Ys continued to thrash about, trying to get her off him.
Hagmore reversed his swords and brought them over his head. "I'm sorry, Ruppi." he whispered.
"Growl Breaker!" He stabbed the swords into the ground. Two sparks shot along the ground to Ys. As soon as they reached him, the earth beneath him exploded upwards. Ys' scream was terribly short. In the midst of all the noise, they could hear a small voice say, "Thank you."
When the dust cleared, Hagmore managed to limp over to the crater. He knelt in front of it, staring at the place where the poor catgirl had sacrificed her life. He folded his hands in prayer for her soul, one forced to do such sins, and giving her life for a noble cause. "May you be remembered and find peace," he whispered. With that he stood.
"Hagmore...?" Ari whispered.
"Let's go," he said shortly. But there was no way to hide the tear that escaped from his eye.
NEXT: Side-Story #3
Side-Story #2
"North - Cursed Shrine. East - Topoly. West - South Rosedale." Hagmore straightened. "Well, there isn't much on the way of choice here, is there? They seem to want to make it very apparent where we should go."
Ari strolled past him, humming a happy little tune. "Well, let's relax for a little bit. We've been walking ever since we got off that boat, and my feet hurt."
"With destiny," Hagmore agreed. "Well, there's a bazaar going on here, we can look around and see if there's anything worth buying." Ari skipped away, and Hagmore tromped after her, clanking with each step. At that, he paused for a moment. "Ari!" She paused in her skipping to look at him curiously. "I'm gonna go find an inn first and get rid of some of this armor. I'll catch up with you later." Ari smiled and waved back, then disappeared into the crowd. Hagmore nodded to himself and trudged off to find an inn.
It didn't take long, since there was only one building in the entire town that said 'Inn' over the door. Hagmore walked in and purchased a room for 70 GP/night. He deposited his armor and Holy Avenger in the room, locked it, and strolled off to try and find Ari. He failed to see the pair of gleaming eyes that watched him in the shadows like a plot point waiting to strike.
Hagmore walked out into the crowded street, filled with street vendors and merchants from around the world, hawking their foreign goods to the people who wandered about. Hagmore saw all kinds of wonders about the street, strange animals from distant lands, all kinds of foodstuffs, pumpernickel, and the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota. He was staring at the ball of twine when he felt someone pulling on his belt. He glanced over to see a small child trying to get his purse. He idly slapped the child away and strolled off.
"Hagmore!" Hagmore turned to see Ari standing on a barrel waving at him. He weaved through the crowd to where she stood. "You have to come see! I found all kinds of neat places with all kinds of stuff! There's all these cooking stores, and they sell all these rare ingredients, and there's item shops, and and and you have to see it! C'mon!" The over-energetic cook grabbed Hagmore and dragged him away.
The cooking section of the bazaar was a bit more than the average person could handle. As soon as you entered, you were accosted by mothers claiming to be the best cook around, overwhelmed by the men who cooked Manly Meals, and attacked by giant frozen tuna that you could use as a weapon if you wanted to. Ari blew past most people and weaved around those she couldn't, still dragging the helpless Red Mage behind her.
"What do we need from here?" Hagmore asked painfully, fending off another Manly Cooker.
"There are so many great shops, why do you need to even ask?" Ari bubbled excitedly, running from one stand to the next.
"My arm wants it's body back..." Hagmore moaned, praying that she would stop soon.
Just then, a man with impeccable timing appeared in front of them. His timing was so impeccable, that the whole world slowed down for a moment as they paused to let him pass. It was like having a cut-scene, but totally unrelated to anything.
Distracted by the impeccable timing, Hagmore almost didn't see the warning sign that flashed at the top of the screen. "Oh, look, a plot point," he said, pointing. Several townspeople looked up as well.
"Take cover!" someone shouted, and everyone dove for cover - under carts, inside houses, under dresses, inside fruits, wherever they could find shelter. Hagmore and Ari simply stood blankly as everyone scattered. A cloud of dust blew up; when it cleared, the plot point had arrived.
It was in the shape of a group of rather tough-looking group of men, all wearing tattered blue cloaks with shifty faces. There were four of them altogether. One was a thin, average man with spiky blond hair, one a huge boulder of a man with no hair and a nose ring, one a shorter fat man with short black hair, and the fourth a tall man whose face was half obscured by a mask. They faced Hagmore and Ari, the wind blowing at their cloaks.
"Well, well...what do we have here? Travelers?" The spiky-haired man sneered at them, looking them up and down. "And fairly well-off, too, it seems."
"Not many people come through here so well provided," the fat man gurgled. Hagmore and Ari looked at each other, then at themselves.
"If this is what you consider 'well-off'..." Hagmore said slowly, "then you guys must be really poor. Here, have a quarter. Don't spend it all in one place." Hagmore tossed a quarter at the four. There was a flash of movement from the masked man, and when the quarter hit the ground, it was in five pieces. Hagmore raised an eyebrow.
"Don't mock us, kid," the big man said in a deep voice. "Give us your money or we'll take your life."
"This is all very dramatic," Ari said quietly. "Do they really think that we have to fight them for our money? It's not even a challenge." The fat man heard her and sneered.
"I'm glad you see it our way, girl. Now drop your cash and leave!"
Ari blinked, confused. "What? No, I meant you guys against us. You'd lose in a flash. Not even worth a mini-boss fight." The four of them all stepped back, anger showing on their faces.
"What was that? Do you even know who we are, girl?" the spiky-haired man yelled. The four went into a series of intricate movements, jumping back and forth between buildings. They all landed in formation and struck a pose as they announced their names. "Lucius!" the spiky-haired one shouted.
"Grandorn!" the big man bellowed.
"Omlette!" the fat man screamed.
"Ardor," the masked man said softly.
"Together we are!" They all struck a Brand New Pose. "The Deirias Squad!" Drama shook the walls. There was a deafening silence, then the four looked at Hagmore and Ari. The two were squatting down, Hagmore rolling some dice. He added modifiers and made a total, then the two nodded.
"Sorry, guys, but you failed your roll to impress us," he reported. The four fell over, then quickly regained their composure.
"You dare to mock us so? I will show you no mercy!" Lucius yelled, crossing his hands across his chest. He ran towards them with a scream.
"Wait, Lucius!"
Everyone turned to look at the new speaker. It was a boy, barely looking twelve, also wearing a blue cloak, but a much nicer one, with matching blue hair. The boy walked over to the Deirias Squad, and the four went on their knees. He walked over to where Lucius knelt.
"There's no need to waste your time on these people. They no longer interest me." He shot a chilling smile to Hagmore and Ari, who still hadn't moved. "You two may go about your business again. We have no more business with you. However-" His eyes flashed dangerously. "If your try to interfere with us, we will not hesitate to kill you." He smiled pleasantly and walked away, the Deirias' following in tow. Hagmore scratched his head in confusion.
"That was very odd. What was it all about?" Ari shrugged. Hagmore shrugged back. "Whatever. Oh, right, I found the inn. Let's take a rest there, I'm beat." With that, the two walked out of the area. As they left, a single man was left standing in the still empty square, standing with impeccable timing.
The two walked back to the inn and Hagmore unlocked the room. He stepped in and threw himself on the bed, exhausted. "Man, what a day. So much exposition in this town. Can't we ever find someplace normal?" Ari laughed and sat down on the other bed.
"But this IS normal, Hagmore! Besides, I like this town. I think, when we're done with our adventures, I might come back here. I could probably find some good work."
"What, cooking monsters?" Ari threw a pillow at him.
"No, dummy, cooking REAL meals! People do like to eat real food, you know. Just because the only ingredients I have while we're on the field are monsters doesn't mean everyone eats them. Speaking of which, can I have your wallet? I wanna go buy some real food."
"Yeah, sure, it's in my armor." Ari jumped up and looked around.
"Well, where is it?" she asked impatiently. Hagmore groaned and sat up.
"What do you mean, where is it, you can't miss..." Hagmore looked around the room. His armor wasn't there. Neither was his sword. Hagmore looked around the room slowly, then with increasing franticness. "Where is it? Where's my armor?!" He looked like he was going to hyperventilate. "That armor was given to me when I became a Paladin! My instructor would have my head if he found I had lost it!" He sat down on the bed, his face in his hands. "I'll never live this up..."
"Don't give up so soon, Hagmore, it must be around here somewhere..." Ari began to explore the room, checking the closets and opening trunks as Hagmore angsted. She peeked under the bed and blinked. "Hello, what's this?" She reached under and there was a hiss from under the bed. Ari withdrew her hand quickly, sticking her finger in her mouth. "Something cut me!"
Hagmore jumped up and peered under the bed. There was something under there that looked almost human, but definitely wasn't. "Hello, who are you?" There was no response. "C'mon, now, I won't hurt you. Won't you come out here? It must be awfully cramped under there." There was a hesitant bit of movement.
"Don't worry, we won't hurt you," Ari said, coaxing the thing out. Slowly, the creature came out. It was a catgirl, barely coming up to Ari's shoulders, with flaxen blond hair and big green eyes. She wore rather worn clothes and didn't look too well fed. Hagmore scratched his head.
"How did you get in here? The door was locked when I left, and when I came back. Which reminds me, how did my armor get stolen if the door was still locked...?" His eyes narrowed. "Did YOU steal my armor?!" he said menacingly, looming over her. The catgirl cringed and hid behind Ari.
"Now, Hagmore, be nice to her." Ari chided him like a mother. She pet the catgirl on the head, stroking her ears. "See how cute she is?" Hagmore looked at the catgirl. The catgirl looked at him with the most pathetic and sad eyes anyone had ever seen. The look was so cute that it cured Hagmore's cancer that he didn't even know he had until it was cured.
"Alright, so she's too cute," Hagmore said with a sigh. "But how did she get in here?" He knelt in front of the catgirl. "What's your name, little one?"
The catgirl squirmed a bit, seeming to be torn between keeping quiet and talking. Finally, she said quickly, "Ruppi."
"Aw, what a cute name..." Ari gushed happily, hugging the poor girl. "She's so cute, Hagmore! Can we keep her?"
"Ari, you can't keep a catgirl. For one, she's not a pet, she's a person. For two, we don't have any money right now, so we can't even afford food for ourselves, much less anything else. Much as I hate to say it, she can't come with us."
Ruppi looked at him with sad eyes again. Hagmore would have gouged his eyes out so he didn't have to see them, they were so cute. He was about to blindfold himself so he could outside take the catgirl when she said, "I saw who took your things-nyo."
Hagmore rounded on her and nearly crushed her with his grip. "You did?! Who was it? Where did they go? What did they look like? I'll buy you a car if we can find our money! Who was it?" He was so anxious he shook her like a rag doll. Hagmore realized what he was doing and stopped. Ruppi swayed back and forth, looking terribly dizzy.
When she regained her composure, she finally started talking in her quiet voice. "I came in here not long after you left, by going in through a secret passage I found a long time ago-nyo. I was tired and was asleep under the bed when a little boy with fancy clothes came in and threw everything into a big bag-nyo. He looked really scary, so I stayed hiding-nyo." Hagmore rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"This boy...was he wearing a blue cloak?" Ruppi nodded. "It must have been that kid form before! No wonder he said that he wasn't interested in us!" Hagmore shook with rage. "That little brat...I'll rend him limb from limb! Let's go, Ari! We're gonna go kick some pre-pubescent ass!"
"Yay!" Ari jumped up and down happily. She turned to Ruppi. "You wanna come with us? It'll be lots of fun!" Ruppi looked at her a bit oddly.
"Um...Do you even know where he is-nyo?" she asked quietly.
"Of course not!" Hagmore said proudly, breaking apart a chair to use for a weapon. "But that's what the townspeople are for! We'll ask them for all the info we need!" With that, he marched out, chair leg over his shoulder, with Ari dragging Ruppi along.
The town was big - but that just meant all the more information there was to be gathered. Hagmore went through every area, interrogating every person he saw for whatever info he or she had. Far too often it was unless info. After a while, Hagmore started getting a little peeved. When he had gone through almost the entire town, he was getting severely upset. After the last area, he was ready to do war on someone. "This is insane! A huge town like this and not a SINGLE person knows where the hidden thieves' hideout is? What's wrong with these people? Don't they have priorities?"
Ari sat down, no longer enthused at the prospect of some ass kicking. 'This sucks. I'm tired now. Can we go and find some food? I'm really hungry!"
"Damn that kid! He must have threatened the people to keep his hideout secret!" Hagmore stamped the ground to show his anger to it.
"You know..." Ruppi said quietly. "There is a cursed shrine to the north of here-nyo. Do you think they might be in there-nyo?"
Hagmore stopped to consider. "Good enough! And even if they aren't, then by God, I'll whoop someone's ass!" He jumped up and ran outside. On the world map, they traveled north a few feet and entered the shrine.
It was white and run down, as cursed shrines are wont to be. The first room had a big sign that said some ancient gibberish. They ignored it and headed forward to the next room.
Then the puzzles began.
"'Putting two blocks of the same color down causes all blocks in between to change to that color. Move one green block to change all of the blocks to green!' Why is there an exclamation at the end?" Hagmore sighed. "Well, let's take a look at this."
There were seven different colors.
"I give up already. Let's go home," Ari begged.
"Never! I used to MAKE puzzles like these! One so simple won't stop me!" He observed it for a moment, then snapped. "Got it!" He then went and kicked one green block over a square. This somehow started a chain reaction and turned everything to green. The door to the next room opened. "See? Piece of cake."
The next room was about the same, but more blocks and a new puzzle. "'Move one mauve block and one teal block to change all the blocks to off-red!' This could be slightly more difficult." Hagmore once again observed the blocks for a while. Then, he threw a mauve block randomly across the room and kicked a teal one a few squares away. Somehow, again, this caused the solution. The door to the next room opened.
"This isn't so bad," Hagmore commented as they walked into the next room.
"You just had to say that, didn't you?" Ari moaned, pointing. There were millions of blocks, with dozens of colors, scattered all over, even on the walls and ceiling. Hagmore peered at the sign.
"'Move two grape blocks, one cow block, and one invisible block to change all the blocks in the room to happy!' I never even knew happy was a color!" Hagmore sat down and looked at everything. Hours passed.
Ari took a nap to pass the time. When she awoke, Hagmore was still at it, testing out theories and making adjustments. "Alright! I think I got it this time!" Hagmore pushed two grape blocks, one cow block, and the invisible block around to cause a chain reaction. Everything turned to the color happy...except for a small group of blocks in the corner. Hagmore studied them with an evil eye. He then walked over and kicked the blocks until they were broken to pieces. The door opened. "See? Victory!"
"I'm so hungry, Hagmore..." Ari wailed.
"Then we'll just have to cook their corpses for keeping us from food! I'm hungry, too!" The two proceeded on, Ruppi still in tow.
They had barely gone anywhere when some monsters attacked: a large lion thing with two smaller zebraish creatures. Ari instantly cooked the lion into a meal as Hagmore beat the zebras to death with his chair leg. They sat down and had a quick meal, then continued. Monsters avoided them after that.
After some exploring and such, they came to the large chapel area. And who else was there, but the Deirias Squad and the boy. They were lounging about, a mountain of wealth surrounding them. The boy noticed them and smiled. "Oh, you're finally here. What took you so long? Did you get lost?"
"You're funny, kid. Real funny." Hagmore stepped forward menacingly. "Give me back my armor!"
"Get lost!" Omlette said with a laugh. "What do you think you can do to us if we don't?"
Hagmore thought for a moment. "Beat you to within an inch of your life."
They all looked at each other and burst into laughter. "Oh, that was classic," the boy said, holding his side. "But we knew you were coming as soon as you entered. Before that, even. So we've prepared a little surprise for you." The doors slammed shut. "There's no escape for you...we'll just have to kill you." The boy stood up calmly. "Now, come here, Ruppi."
There was a pause, then Ari and Hagmore turned to look at the catgirl. "What? You mean...you were working for them all along?"
Ruppi cringed. "I-I'm sorry, nyo...they forced me to do it-nyo. I didn't have any choice-nyo..." With that, she scampered away to near the boy. He grabbed her roughly and stroked her ears.
"That's a good girl. See, it wasn't so hard, was it? Now, beat it." With that, he threw Ruppi into the pews. She yelped in pain, but he just kicked her to keep her quiet.
"You can't treat her like that!" Ari yelled.
"And why not?" The boy sneered. "She's my pet."
"You can't own a person!" Ari yelled back.
"Shut up, girl!" Lucius yelled. He threw a large golden cup at her, which Hagmore intercepted. "Don't you dare talk that way to Master Ysverdanya!"
"I'll talk to him however I want!" Ari shouted. "Besides, I'm hungry! Give us back our money!"
"You'll have to fight us for it!" Grandorn bellowed. He charged, and Hagmore jumped to the side to avoid him.
"Ari! Look out!" he shouted. But Ari did not move. At the last minute, she whirled and point at Grandorn with a frying pan.
"Babushka!" she shouted. Grandorn was enveloped with a bright glow. Suddenly, he was compacted into a small babushka doll. Ari picked him up and pocketed him. The rest of the Deirias were all in shock.
"Grandorn...beaten so easily..." Omlette growled. "I won't let you get away with this!" He pointed at Ari. "Fire 4!" A huge burst of fire erupted from the ground. Ari walked through the blaze, her eyes full of hunger and anger.
"Don't you DARE try to burn my hair!" she shouted, throwing several forks at him. They struck, each dealing surprising damage.
Lucius charged at Ari, but Hagmore stepped in between. "You have to get through me first, kid." Hagmore said with a growl.
"Easy enough!" Lucius reached into his belt and drew two short swords. He began to swing at Hagmore, who tried to block with his chair leg, but it was quickly cut to pieces. He was forced to dodge the flurry of attacks, trying to find an opening. Lucius swung a bit too hard on one swing, and Hagmore tried to get close to hit him. Lucius was expecting that, however, and struck Hagmore with his shoulder, then cast a wind spell. Hagmore slammed into the wall and crashed through it, landing propped up against something. Lucius entered the room, about ready to say something witty when he stopped and stared in horror. Hagmore raised and eyebrow and looked at what he was propped against.
It was a sword. Not just any sword - clearly a holy sword. He took one look at the base and grinned. He stood and drew the blade from the stone it rested in. "Now, try to fight me with the Holy Blade Excalibur!"
"Shit! Excalibur?! That was here?" Lucius ran in to try and attack Hagmore before he could do anything. Hagmore swung his sword and a wave of holy fire poured out. Lucius swore and ran out. Hagmore followed and froze.
Lucius was holding Ruppi, a sword against her throat. "Don't come any closer, or I'll cut her throat! I mean it! Not a step closer!"
Hagmore looked at him oddly. "Whatever." With that, he cast Bolt 3. Lucius was sufficiently fried into meat. Ruppi was spared from the spell. "You alright?" Hagmore asked her. She nodded, her eyes wide and afraid.
Ari struck Omlette with a frying pan and cooked him into - what else - an omlette. Just then, Ardor came floating down. "You must now fight me for the honor of fighting Master Ys."
"Ys? You call him Ys for short?" Ardor nodded. Ari sighed. "What a bad joke..." Just then, Hagmore hopped up, now clad in his armor again, with the Holy Avenger over his back and the Excalibur in his hand. "Hey, you got our stuff back!"
"Yep! Which means it's time to go eat!"
"Yay!" They turned to leave, but were stopped by the large sealed door. "Damn. We have to fight them."
"Oh, well." They turned to face Ardor. He flew in and disappeared suddenly. Hagmore idly stuck out his hand, and there was a resounding thud. Ardor reappeared, holding his nose.
"How were you able to see me? No one has ever been able to see me!" Hagmore shrugged. "Grrr...damn you! Take this!" He created a large ball of destruction and hurled at them. Hagmore drew the Holy Avenger and crossed his two swords, holding the ball where it was. Ari drew herself up and drew several painful-looking kitchen utensils.
"Armashmeddon!" She cried, and threw them all at Ardor. He was sufficiently maimed by all the utensils. Ari then pulled out a large rolling pin and smacked him on the head with it. Ardor fell over and was defeated. EXP for the whole of the fight was totaled and delivered.
"Very interesting," Ys said, appearing out of nowhere. "The Deirias Squad has never been defeated before...and never so easily. You two definitely aren't people to take lightly."
"Well, we have to beat him to get out of here, right?" Hagmore asked. "Let's get this over and done with. I'm really hungry." Ys smiled.
"You two don't seem to realize the danger you're in...allow me to show you how helpless you really are." He suddenly vanished. Hagmore and Ari looked around, trying to find him, but there was no trace of him. "Looking for something?" Ys' voice came from behind Hagmore. He spun and tried to hit him, but her was gone before he even finished turning. "No, no...over here!" Again, from behind. Hagmore whirled again, but no sign of him. "Where are you aiming?" Hagmore, frustrated, spun in a continuous circle, his swords out.
"Watch where you're swinging those!" Ari yelled, ducking to avoid the huge swords.
"Ha ha ha...you are helpless against me. There's no way you can match my speed!" His voice came from all around. Hagmore was suddenly struck rather viciously in the back. He stumbled forward and tried to look to see Ys. Ari was then tripped and hit several times in rapid succession. Hagmore narrowed his eyes, then smiled. He swung his sword and stabbed behind him, hearing a satisfying crunch. He turned to see Ys staring at him, clutching his bleeding side. "How...did you see me...?"
"You weren't moving fast at all...just invisible. Then you used ventriloquism to project your voice to confuse us while you got in position." Hagmore pointed his sword at the boy. "You're finished."
"Not likely!" Ys began to glow, then split into seven. "See if you can see through this, now! Each one of these copies is just like me in every way! Meaning, they can also hurt you! Try and kill me now!" The copies converged on Hagmore. He attacked them all, but as soon as they were cut down, they regenerated. Not only that, but their attacks were powerful. Surrounded, things looked bad. Until several explosions sent the copies scurrying. Hagmore turned to see Ari, holding a shining pot.
"Where'd you get that? It's a holy...cook set..." Hagmore said, trailing off, not sure how to come to terms with that.
"Oh, I found it somewhere. Who cares? Let's finish this!" Ari pointed it at the copies and fired again. The explosion blew them apart, but they reformed. "Damn, how are we supposed to kill him?"
Hagmore pulled himself up as the copies advanced again. Suddenly, Ruppi came running in and tackled one of the copies. The others suddenly flickered and disappeared. "Quick!" she shouted, her arms wrapped around Ys' neck. "Finish him-nyo! I can hold off his spell!"
"B-but, you'll die too!" Ari shouted. Ruppi smiled a little.
"It's okay-nyo...I don't have any family or friends. All I did was steal for them-nyo...but I didn't like that life. So let it end for me-nyo..." A tear ran down her check. Ys continued to thrash about, trying to get her off him.
Hagmore reversed his swords and brought them over his head. "I'm sorry, Ruppi." he whispered.
"Growl Breaker!" He stabbed the swords into the ground. Two sparks shot along the ground to Ys. As soon as they reached him, the earth beneath him exploded upwards. Ys' scream was terribly short. In the midst of all the noise, they could hear a small voice say, "Thank you."
When the dust cleared, Hagmore managed to limp over to the crater. He knelt in front of it, staring at the place where the poor catgirl had sacrificed her life. He folded his hands in prayer for her soul, one forced to do such sins, and giving her life for a noble cause. "May you be remembered and find peace," he whispered. With that he stood.
"Hagmore...?" Ari whispered.
"Let's go," he said shortly. But there was no way to hide the tear that escaped from his eye.
NEXT: Side-Story #3