An Endless Wait
I wait again. It seems like that's all I ever do these days... wait. It's odd, isn't it? Once upon a time, I was one of the most brilliant minds in Hogwarts. Now, well, what's there to say? My life spent in a room, my heart with a man who cannot return my affection. He will walk through that carefully polished mahogany door at any second now, with the same smell of firewhiskey lingering in his breath. What am I doing?
I was right. Here he comes. I can hear his footsteps treading on the marble staircase... then slowly down the hall.
I try.
I always try.
Thump, thump. My mind protested against my heart. It always got me in trouble. Look where I am now...
The sound of him bumping against walls and searching for the doorknob is clear now, indicating that he is just beyond that door. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
With a mighty swing, the door hits the wall behind it. The house elves will take care of that dent tomorrow.
They always do.
I just stare at him. What else is there to do? He never looks at me the way he used to anymore. The way his eyes used to always fill with desire the minute they settle on me. Why should they? When there are other younger, more beautiful women throwing themselves at his feet.
He staggers towards me, his eyes unfocused and his dishevel hair. I want so much to just turn away and pretend that none of this is happening. But I know better, I've ignored the truth long enough.
Shoulders back.
Chin high.
I walk up to him as dignified and graceful as I used to be. Looking the drunk straight in his eyes. Just within four feet of him, I can already smell the cloud of firewhiskey scent and a hint of cheap perfume.
I am surprised.
No tears... yet.
Perhaps my heart finally gave up. About time.
"Where the hell do you think you're going, mudblood?" his slurred voice rings in my head. That name... it doesn't bother me as much as it did when I was a student. Through the years, I've learned to ignore it. It was the only way that I could stay by his side. Sometimes, it even became an affectionate term, used in the midst of our lovemaking or a part of his loving words.
But now, it hits me like a bucket of cold water.
"Away. I... I can't take this anymore, Draco," I say softly. Maybe this is a mistake. Can I really leave the man that I have loved for the past ten years?
Yes.
Am I telling myself? Or convincing myself?
A sound. A crash. I look up and see blood red rose petals scattered on the emerald green carpet. Pieces of shattered glass making reflected like morning dew on grass. Strange, isn't it? How something so beautiful can make you bleed? Make you hurt?
"What the hell is wrong with you, woman? I've give you everything that any woman could ever want and this... This is how you repay me?" he screams with all his rage. Is that hurt I see in his eyes? Or is the glaze over his eyes just an effect from the alcohol?
Stop, I can't cry now!
Pity how my tears never seem to listen.
"All I wanted was you," I hear myself choke out. How I manage to get words out is beyond me.
With that, he slumps back onto the black satin sheets, hands covering his face. I take this as my cue.
One step.
Two steps. I'm getting there...
Three steps. I can be free...
Four. No turning back now.
Fiv-
"I love you too much, you know. I really do love you too damn much. Just go and never come back. Leave before I change my mind." A hoarse voice. A crack in my resolve.
Don't do it, Hermione.
If you turn back now...
Too late.
I'm already lying beneath him with his lips traveling down my neck.
"I never could leave you," I hear myself whisper and I get dragged back into his web.
Tomorrow, I will be waiting again.