Authoresses Notes:
We are on a roll! I might get this fic DONE in a few days! YAY! Completed multi-chapter fic! Which is more than I can say Alexi has done... (*Alexi growls*) Anyway... READ! NOW!!
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN UTENA. (*pause*) DO NOT SUE. I SUE BACK. (*cough cough-
Title: Revolutionary Girl Utena: The Black Rose Boinks.
By: Yadda Talkalot (with help from Alexi Serenitia)
Chapter Two: Boinks of the Black Rose
Utena swayed from the liquor she had consumed earlier that evening.
"WAIT! Isn't she supposed to be innocent?" Screamed Alexi.
"Oh who cares? This is a parody. And besides, more publicity if they do something wrong." Crystal grinned.
"Oh no! They're back!" screamed Touga.
"Hey! You're not in this yet!" Alexi said. But then realizing who she was talking to, she glomped Touga.
"SEXY!" She screamed. Crystal cleared her throat.
"Jeez, I gotta stop going to these parties..." moaned Utena. As she stepped to the door, She threw up on the welcome mat.
(Quick Disclaimer again: I do not own any of Stephen Kings novels, for, when Utena threw up on the door mat, I kind of took that from one of his short stories called "The Library Policeman" which is part of a book containing three other short stories. The book itself is called "Four Past Midnight". Yes, I am a big Stephen King fan.)
As Utena walked in she realized how beautiful Anthy looked, even though she never got to see her often enough on the weekends.
"Oh, Chu-Chu, I have left-overs. Now fall out a window. Maybe by chance you will land on the welcome mat," said Utena, placing the left-overs purposely on the windowsill.
Chu-Chu, loving food, went to get it, and he started to tip. "CHU-CHU!!" He cried. But Utena wasn't listening.
"I wonder where Anthy went..." Utena scratched her head. "Gee wiz, I don't see her a lot on weekends. I hope she isn't having incest with a brother of hers I don't know about..."
Anthy opened the door. "I'm back, Miss Utena!"
"Oh, Anthy!!" Utena said, still a little bit drunk. "Lets boink! Right after you tell me where you have been."
"Oh, I was out 'visiting' someone..."
"Who?"
"My brother."
"Oh." Utena turned to her bed. "WAIT A SECOND!!"
Anthy blinked. "What is it, Miss Utena?"
Utena spun to face her purple haired sex toy... err... friend. "YOU HAVE A BROTHER?!"
"Why, yes, Miss Utena. Don't worry... we're not having incest."
"Okay," Utena said, laying on the bed.
Heh, she bought it... stupid girl, Anthy thought. "Now, lets just forget about my brother and boink now."
"Okay!" Utena said, still drunk.
Chu-Chu fell out the window and landed in the vomit on the doormat.
THE NEXT DAY!
"So, we are visiting your brother, right?" Utena said. Anthy nodded and smiled.
"Oh, and I really had a great time with you last night..." Anthy said.
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"Oh, nothing, Miss Utena," Anthy smirked to herself. Hee hee hee... boinking.
They both got into the elevator. Anthy pressed a button, and it went up. When it stopped, Utena looked around. "I think this is the wrong floor."
"No, silly girl, it's the right one. No wonder I was the butch last night..."
"Huh?"
"Nothing, Miss Utena."
The two teenagers walked into the room. "Gee," Utena said, looking at a giant machine type thing. "I'm really silly, so I'm going to ask if this is your brother."
"And I'm going to say it's not," Anthy said. The two saw two people making out.
"We should leave, Anthy," Utena said. "Those two are having a make out session, and we weren't invited."
"Oh... that's too bad... lets invite ourselves!"
"I don't think so," Utena dragged Anthy to the elevator and pressed the button.
"Wait! We're done now," Said Kanae, who mysteriously revived between chapters one and two.
She dragged the director for the first chapter into the elevator behind her. He was covered (literally, I mean no clothes, just lipstick) with kisses.
"Eeeeew..." Everyone said.
"Lets wait for her," Akio said.
FIFTEEN GAZILLION HOURS LATER!!
Kanae came back. "Okay, lets go back to the parody."
"Okay, I'm the acting headmaster, I like stars, blah dee blah blah," Akio said.
"And I love Akio, and we're getting MARRIED! FUN!" Kanae said.
"COOL!" Utena grinned. Anthy just smiled like a creepy person. Akio slid his eyes from Kanae to Anthy. Utena didn't notice, because she's naive. Kanae didn't notice because she was a blonde, even though she had green hair.
"Anthy, I think your brother has some issues with stars," Utena whispers to Anthy. Anthy just smiled and nodded. I think she couldn't understand Utena clearly, because she was too busy looking at what was behind Akio's underwear that he obviously wore under his pants.
"Come back any time! You are such a sexy-err... nice-girl, and I am glad you are friends with Anthy," Akio said. No one noticed Akio's slip, because he said so. He walked up to Anthy. "You're going to share her with me, like a good little sister, right Anthy?"
Anthy nodded. "Of course, 'big' brother," Anthy smiled.
Kanae smiled. "See you later, Anthy."
"Bye, Miss Kanae," Anthy said.
"We're going to be sisters! You should just call me Kanae," said Kanae. The two then had a staring match.
"I win," said Anthy. Kanae shivered. Boy, what I saw in her eyes was... sexy...
Alexi popped up, with Crystal right behind her. "HOW CAN YOU SEE INTO MY EYES, LIKE OPEN DOOOOOORS!" Alexi sung. Crystal hit her with a mallet.
(Quick disclaimer: I do NOT own "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence)
"Continue!" Crystal shouted as she picked up the somewhat lifeless form of Alexi. Akio winked at Crystal.
"Oh my! Akio should be seeing ALOT of his sister for making up the time he wanted to spend with me!" Crystal mocked. Akio grinned slyly.
Kanae and Utena were just too naive/dense/whatever to notice any of this. Anthy just winced. Again.
"Don't worry, I'll have you soon enough," Akio murmured. Crystal heard him.
"Careful Akio. I just might castrate you."
"Oh yes. In the most DELIGHTFUL way!" Akio winked.
"Yeah. I'll just love to see all the blood and hear all the squishy sounds and the anguish in your voice when I dump a bucket of Iodine aaaaallllll over it!"
Akio winked. "That's why I think you would prefer the chains and whips. So you can't have your fun, and I CAN!" He unbuttoned his shirt.
Utena and Kanae were STILL too naive/dense/whatever to notice all this. Anthy just grinned. I wanna join in... she thought.
"Oh god! I just might drown in all the chesthair!" said Crystal.
"Wait, I DON'T HAVE CHESTHAIR!" screamed Akio, looking down.
"Made you look."
"Okay, ENOUGH with the flirting!" Alexi said, waking up, "Lets get on with this fic"
"Yeah, lets get on with it," Akio agreed looking at Crystal and smiling. Suddenly an anvil landed on Akio.
"Oops," said Crystal.
"OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED AKIO!" screamed Alexi.
"YOU BASTARD... wait a second..." Anthy said.
(Quick disclaimer: I don't own South Park.)
Kanae and Utena were still to naive/dense/whatever to notice this. Man, I think they are on some sort of drug or something.
"You know perfectly well that he ISN'T dead..." Crystal said.
Unfortunately! She thought.
Akio got out from under the anvil. "'Come' back any time, girls!"
Anthy smirked to herself. Utena didn't get it. The two Authoresses groaned, then left before any more damage to Crystal's sanity could be done.
Wait, nevermind, WHAT sanity?
Mikage looked up to see two guys looking at him. "Hi there."
The guys nodded to each other. "Lets give it to him," One said, then pulled out a whip and fuzzy handcuffs. "Here, Mikage."
"Now gentlemen, you know I don't like bondage... and you really don't have to give me a present for my good work. Now leave."
The two men left, talking about how much of a genius Mikage was, and shit like that. Miki walked in.
"Ah, Miki," Mikage said.
"Hi, Mr. Mikage," Miki said.
"Have you decided to join me, so we may rule the empire together (*cough! Cough! DARK SIDE Cough! Cough!*)?" Mikage asked.
(Quick Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.)
"Um... I don't think I am worthy of you," Miki said.
"Damn. You would have made a great addiction. Now, here's a random ice drink, because I put achohol in it. We can boink."
Miki didn't hear this. He drank it. Mikage smirked.
MUCH LATER!
Utena and Anthy were walking.
"Thanks for not telling Akio about my secret," Anthy said.
"No problem," Utena said. "It's none of his business if you are the Rose Bride, anyway."
"Also, thank you for not telling him about last night," Anthy added.
"What are you talking about?" asked Utena.
"Forget it," Anthy said.
As they passed a particularly old building, Miki walks out.
"WAZZAAAAAAAAP?!" Utena yelled.
"WAZZAAAAAAAAP?!" Miki yelled back.
"Nothin', nothin', just walking...talking..." Utena said.
"True, True," said Anthy.
"Yo Greg! Pick up the phone!" Called Miki. Suddenly, a guy with a phone that was not attached to anything appeared.
"WAZZAAAAAAAAP?!" He yelled.
"WAZZAAAAAAAAP?!" Anthy yelled.
"WAZZAAAAAAAAP?!" Utena yelled.
"WAZZAAAAAAAAP?!" Miki shouted. He then called to some guy named...guy.
"HEY GUY! PICK UP THE PHONE!" Miki Screamed. Then Guy appeared from beneath a bush. That was kind of Ironic.
"WAZZAAAAAAAAP?!" Guy shouted. Everyone shouted it back. Afterwards Greg and Guy went their separate ways, only to find each other later and boink.
(Quick disclaimer: I don't own that, either.)
"For some odd reason, my rear end hurts... a lot," said Miki. Alexi appeared out of nowhenre. Again.
"Crystal, Why did you have to put my father in this? ESPECIALLY when it involves him with a BUSH?"
"In the words of Jason who doesn't talk: 'I couldn't resist'."
The two Authoresses then disappeared, Alexi to grope Touga (just kidding), and Crystal to kill Akio. Alexi was REALLY just going to glomp Touga, but grope sounded funnier.
"Anyway, what are you doing here?" Utena asked, like Alexi and Crystal had never been there.
"Oh, stuff," Miki said.
"Man, Miki, you're weird. You study on your days off," said Utena.
"Yeah, I'm weird. And naive. AND MY REAR END HURTS, A LOT!! AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!!" Miki yelled. "Anyway, check out this cool building."
"Oh, I never knew this existed, because I am a blonde," Utena said. "Or I was, in the early manga..."
"Oh, lots of students died in here, but that's not important. This building is BORING!" Miki said.
"Oh yes. Truly boring." Said Utena.
MEANWHILE!!
"Big brother, come out of your room, please?" Nanami asked.
"No," Touga said, playing depressing music.
"Fine, then I'll just take over the student council, and hit on Miki, since you're not doing it," Nanami said, running out of the house.
Touga ignored her. Suddenly, Alexi appeared. "TOUGA!!" She glomped him. Touga ran out of his room screaming, with Alexi attached.
MEANWHILE! AGAIN!!
"I'm taking over the student council. And I'm going to hit on Miki," said Nanami.
"Okay," said Juri. "Go ahead."
"My rear end hurts," said Miki.
MEANWHILE! AGAIN!! AGAIN!!
Kanae climbed into the elevator and sat down. She began to describe her problems to the child molester in there with her.
"I felt so alive when i looked into Anthy's dead eyes. She's such an alien but she's so sexy!" Kanae said. The child molester laughed and told her to go deeper.
The porn freaks snickered, but who cares about them?
Kanae went insane. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I HATE ANTHY! SHE MAKES ME THINK SEXY THOUGHTS ABOUT ALIENS! AND I THINK SHE'S SLEEPING WITH AKIO, WHO IS MINE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
The elevator crashed. Kanae died. Just kidding about the second part.
Anyway...
"Come with me," Mikage, the child molester, said.
Kanae nodded, and walked into the room. "What the..."
"This BLACK ROSE RING IS MUCH MORE PURTIFUL THAN THE WHITE ONE!!" Mikage said.
"Uh... yeah," Kanae said, trying to run away.
"NOOOOO!" Mamiya said. "Please stay and be stabbed by this even MORE purtiful black rose."
"OKAY!" Kanae smiled. Mamiya smiled back and stabbed her in the heart with black rose. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kanae screamed and died.
Okay, so she really didn't die.
MEANWHILE!!
"I am oblivious to the fact that something interesting and fun and cool happens at Ohtori Academy daily, so I'm going to bitch about how Ohtori Academy is so god damn boring!" Wakaba said.
Utena shrugged and opened the locker door, and found a card. "Whoo hoo," she said.
The shadow girls made a play. But that is unimportant. Lets get onto the next scene, she we?
AT SUNSET!!
"Ugh! Not the STAIRS again!" Utena sighed, disappointed. You know, they should REALLY make an elevator. And one without criminally insane people and child molesters.
"Oh, shut up and climb the stairs," said Anthy. "OOOOOOH! I'm gonna give you an outfit upgrade!!"
"I like, look, so totally cool, yo!" Utena said. She appeared at the arena.
Kanae smiled. "HIIIII! I'm going to duel you and kill the Rose Bride, for it is my destiny, and I SWORE ON A PURTIFUL BLACK ROSE, SO IT WILL BE THIS WAY!!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Utena said.
"Blah, blah, real me, blah, blah," said Kanae.
Utena pulled the Sword of Dios out of Anthy. Then Kanae and Utena dueled. Kanae lost, and she screamed.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE PURTIFUL BLACK ROSE LIED TO ME!!" She screamed and fell to the ground, asleep.
SIX DAYS LATER!!
"Oh cool! Kanae doesn't remember anything from last night," Anthy said.
"WHAT?!" Utena cried out.
"Uh... I mean... anything from the duel! Yeah," Anthy said hurriedly. "Anyway, I'm going to go see my brother so we can have incest time that you are so unaware about."
"Say hi for me," said Utena, who didn't seem to hear the last part.
Anthy walked over to her brothers house. They had Incest time.
"Good. Maybe that will keep him away from me for a while," said Crystal.
"CALL MY NAME AND SAVE ME FROM THE DAAAAAAAAARK!" sang Alexi.
"...yeeeeeeeeah," Crystal said.
"Akio still wants you," Alexi stopped singing.
"DON'T REMIND ME!" screamed Crystal.
THE END OF CHAPTER TWO!
We don't have any ending notes. Go away. Or read chapter three, if it is up. If not, wait for chapter three. Because I said so.
And one last thing...
This is dedicated, to my love, Lauren...
Crystal began to sing:
"The LLLLLOOOOOOVVVVEEEE BOAT!!"
(Quick disclaimer: I don't own that, either.)