Authoresses Notes:
Alexi looks up. "Sorry guys... I'm going to have to change that."
CO-Authoress' Notes:
Alexi nods. "Much better. Anyway... HI! I'm the not-so-known CO-Authoress of Revolutionary Girl Utena: The Black Rose Boinks! Not many people give me credit for what I do. I helped Crystal/Yadda with a LOT of stuff for this fic. I was the one who made the title." She thinks for a moment.
"Before you think I'm whining, I'm not. I'm making a point. Now... Crystal has gotten a review from someone named Fancy. I would like to say thank you for your constructive criticism, Miss Fancy. Yeah, she does a lot of self-inserting. I'm trying to break her from that habit, but there's not much I can do. Anyway, with the Touga glomping... what can I say? I'm a cliche Touga fangirl. And for the Akio bashing? Crystal and I don't really HATE Akio. He's just fun to torment. Like Kanae. I like Kanae, and Kozue, it's just they're so much fun to kill."
Alexi thinks for a moment. "Anyway... Since Akio and Touga don't appear much in the rest of the episodes we're making a parody of, we won't be appearing much... EXCEPT, in the parody of Episode 17, Thorns of Death. The chapter will probably be called Boinks of Death. The reason we (or more truthfully, I) will be in that chapter a lot is because I am a HUGE Shiori fan.
"I like her even more than I like Touga. I'm going to glomp her and protect her from bashers. Which makes me want to bring up a good point. The only one I REALLY hate on Utena is Ruka, for a stupid reason. He hurt Shiori. But I'm allowed to have this stupid reason, because people hate Shiori because she hurt Juri. Anyway..."
Alexi smiles. "I can't find Crystal ANYWHERE, and I wanted to make this known. Also, two things will happen in every chapter. One, Utena will throw up, and two, Kanae will die. Or at least pretend to die at least once. I am making a little side-story for you to enjoy until Crystal and I can get together. So enjoy. Also, I don't know why the CO-Authoress notes are in story format. Blame the Millennium Rubber Fish.
"Also, this plotline is something seen a lot in the Yu-Gi-Oh section. I'm going to use it for Utena, and REALLY make it messed up. Any objections, please come see me. Also, I am not as funny as Crystal. Also, I have permission to do this. I am the CO-Authoress. And the cast of Spongebob Square Pants are in this chapter, but I don't own them, okay?"
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN UTENA. (*pause*) DO NOT SUE. I SUE BACK. (*cough cough- PENCILS cough cough*)
Title: Revolutionary Girl Utena: The Black Rose Boinks.
By: Yadda Talkalot (This chapter completely written by the CO-Authoress, Alexi Serenitia)
Side Story: BOINKING CHIBIS!! OH MY DIOS!!
"Break time!" said the director.
Everyone sighed in relief. After making a parody to an episode, you can really get tired. Anyway, Alexi walked up to them, holding a box.
"I thought you said you were going to cut back on the self-inserting," said Touga.
"Yes, I did say that, didn't I?" Alexi asked. "I am. I just need to get this chapter started. Here's a box. Don't open it," She walked off to worship Shiori and Touga.
Touga looked down at the box. "Hm... Maybe I can kill Kanae with whatever is in this box," he said, opening it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
Touga looked at everyone else. "Hey, what happened to you guys?"
"...You opened the box," said Utena. "I don't feel so good..."
"The box made you chibis?" Touga asked.
"Yeah," Utena said, running away and throwing up. She threw up on Chibi Kanae, who died from the extra-acidy vomit.
"Not only did it make us chibis, big brother..." Nanami started. "It made us boinking chibis. I'm off to boink Miki now."
Eeeeeew... Touga thought. He walked to see if anyone else was still normal. No one was, except him, of course. Akio and Anthy were having their usual incest time, only it was worse since they were boinking Chibis now. "Oh my Dios..." He said, running off to vomit with Utena. He ended up vomiting on the dead Kanae.
Shiori blinked. "Wow, boinking," She said, walking off to torment Juri. After finding Juri trying to boink Miki (like Nanami was trying to), she thought better of it. "Weird... HEY! WAIT A SECOND!!"
Everyone turned to face the dark haired girl. "What?"
"Juri likes me, though!" Shiori replied.
"They're boinking Chibis. They'll boink anyone," Touga said, reading the side of the box, which had this information on it.
"This is seriously messed up," Shiori said. "I'm a chibi, and I'm not boinking anyone-" Poor Shiori was caught off by her urge to boink Touga. "AHHHHHH!" She screamed, hiding in the broom closet.
Nanami and Juri did something that neither of them would remember when they were unchibified (which is probably a good thing).
"WAZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP?!" yelled Miki, who didn't get boinked.
"WAZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP?!" yelled Shiori from the broom closet.
Everyone yelled it back.
Touga walked to a computer and got onto AOL. A few minutes later, he got a porn IM. Lets just say he clicked on it.
Saionji sighed. He wanted to boink Anthy, and he was all alone. Wakaba bounced along. "BOINK!"
...Yeeeeeeeeeah.
Anyway, Saionji waited until Akio and Anthy were done with incest time. Then he grabbed Anthy and threw her into a helicopter, flying away.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Utena yelled after she was done vomiting. "ANTHY!!" She ran and get into another helicopter.
Utena cursed as she chased after Saionji's helicopter. "BRING HER BACK, YOU BASTARD!" She yelled, even though Saionji could not hear her.
"Soon, my darling Rose Bride, we shall be alone!"
"We already are alone, Saionji. And I am not your Rose Bride anymore. Now lets boink."
"YAY!" Saionji smiled. Then no one was driving the helicopter...
***
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Shiori screamed. "I'M OOC!! And I'm a chibi! We must set this right!" Shiori went on a journey with Chu-Chu to save everyone.
And everyone else boinked. But you didn't need to know that.
Shiori walked and walked and walked and walked... blah. Lots of walking. Anyway, she bumped into the last thing she'd ever expect to walk into...
A giant pineapple. Yes, a giant pineapple. Shiori blinked.
What the...?
Then, Plankton appeared. Well, sort of. Shiori couldn't see him.
"Hey, girl!" Plankton yelled.
Shiori blinked. "Did I just hear something?" Even in her adorible chibi form, she still couldn't see the little... uh... bug type thingy. (Don't ask me!!)
"Look DOWN!" said Plankton.
Shiori looked down. "Oh. Hello."
"I know what you did last summer," Plankton said.
"Really? What did I do?" asked Shiori.
"You killed Kenny! You bastard!"
Shiori blinked. "That was strange... have anything useful to tell me, oh small one?"
"Yes," Plankton said. "Give me the secret recipe for the crabby patty, and I will give you the cure to turn your friends back to normal."
"Oh, okay," Shiori said. "By the way, they're not really my friends. Well, I want to boink Touga, but..."
"Riiiiight," said Plankton. "JUST GIVE ME THE SECRET!!"
"Okay, okay, jeez," said Shiori, stomping off. "How did I get underwater anyway?" She asked, looking up. "And how can I breathe?"
"MAGIC!!" screamed a mysterious voice (most likely the CO-Authoress). "Never give up, Shiori! You cannot fail, as long as Chu-Chu is by your side!!"
"Oh, I forgot all about that little monkey... thing..." Shiori looked at Chu-Chu.
"Chu-Chu," said Chu-Chu.
"Whatever," said Shiori. She walked to the Crusty Crab. "I guess this is the place," She said, scratching her head. "Wow." She walked in, and got stared at by many underwater creatures. "Oh, jeez, I'm not THAT scary looking," She rolled her eyes.
"Chu-Chu," said Chu-Chu.
Shiori walked to register. "One crabby patty to go, please," She said.
Squidward looked at her. "We don't do to go anymore, weird looking thing."
"Do it, or I'll destroy your clarinet I mysteriously knew you had," Shiori glared.
"NOOOO! Not my clarinet! Anything but my clarinet!" said Squidward. "One crabby patty!"
"Coming up!" Spongebob said in his overly cheerful way.
I'm going to need some aspirin when this is all over... thought Shiori. As she was handed the crabby patty, Squidward looked Shiori in her overly huge chibi eyes.
"Money? To pay for that?" He asked.
"Clarinet. Will. Die," Shiori said in a scary monotone voice.
"Okay, okay! Take it!" Squidward said.
"Good," Shiori's voice was still in that scary monotone tone.
"Chu-Chu," said Chu-Chu.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP?! ARGH!" Shiori yelled, (kawaii) voice back to normal.
"Chu-Chu."
Shiori sighed, and walked to Plankton. "Here."
"YES! IT'S FINALLY MIIIIIIINE!!" Plankton hugged the crabby patty.
"Now give me the cure," Shiori said.
"I tricked you! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!!" Plankton declared as he took out a raygun and a box, which could reverse the boinking chibi spell. He was planning to destroy the cure to make Shiori cry. However, Chu-Chu ate him before he could do anything.
"Wow, you were actually useful for something," said Shiori, picking up the box. "I DID IT! I SAVED THE UTENA WORLD!!" She said, doing a spiffy dance.
"Chu-Chu," said Chu-Chu.
FIVE HOURS LATER!!
"My rear end still hurts," said Miki, who was still chibi.
"Shut up, and lets boink," said Nanami.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shiori appeared. "I HAVE THE CURE!!"
"Really? Delighting," Touga said, still looking at porn.
Shiori opened the box. Everyone went back to normal.
"What happened? This is... weird..." Akio said. "Hey, is that porn?" He asked Touga.
"It sure is," said Touga.
"I WANNA LOOK AT IT, TOO!" said Akio. And he did.
THE NEXT DAY!!
"Hey Nanami!" Juri called.
"Yes?" asked Nanami.
"I really enjoyed yesterday..." Juri grinned.
"What are you talking about?" asked Nanami.
"Nevermind," said Juri.
"Good. I'm off to hit on Miki," said Nanami.
"Spiffy," Juri replied. The two went their separate ways.
But the question is... what happened to Saionji and Anthy?
THE ANSWER!!
Saionji and Anthy looked at each other.
"Anthy, I really loved our time yesterday..." said Saionji.
"So did I," Anthy smiled sexy-like. "Lets not tell Miss Utena about this, okay? We'll just say you were an evil bastard who kidnapped me, and I whined and screamed about it the whole time."
"Sounds cool," Saionji said. They took out some parachutes, and jumped out of the helicopter. Kanae, who had mysteriously revived, was driving the helicopter. The helicopter crashed into a mountain, and Kanae died.
Utena saw Anthy. "ANTHY!!" She cried as Anthy landed in her arms.
"MISS UTENA!!" Anthy cried, hugging Utena. "It was so horrible!! He was mean and he abused me!! And he went against the rose seal, which is a CRIME!!"
Utena glared at Saionji. "You hurt my friend. Die." She jumped at him and beat him to death with a rubber fish.
And then, this messed up side story ended. It shouldn't have started. Blame the CO-Authoresses. And the Millennium Rubber Fish.
END OF SIDE STORY
Told you I wasn't as funny as Crystal.
Now, the REAL fic will resume as usual. Stay tuned, and look out for...
REVOLUTIONARY GIRL UTENA: THE BLACK ROSE BOINKS!!
Chapter three: The World Boinked From Kozue.
"ALEXI!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Crystal screamed.
"Looks like she's baaaack!" Alexi sing-songed. "And just in time!" She winked. "Don't worry folks, I'll distract her! CRYSTAL! AKIO'S STILL AFTER YOU!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why did you have to remind me?!"