Harry Potter and the Sandwich of Doom.
Disclaimer: I only own the sandwich. And I lose that in the end anyway. Still, enjoy!!!
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Harry crept silently down the corridor, shielded by his invisibility cloak. He couldn't sneak around Hogwarts without his invisibility cloak. It was like a spare limb. Harry made his way to the kitchens and tickled the pear, allowing him entrance. He pulled off his cloak and stepped inside, scratching his arms vigorously.
The cloak was itchy.
Immediately, Dobby scurried over and pulled on the bottom of Harry's robes.
"Harry, sir! Harry Potter, sir!"
This would have been a normal greeting, except for the fact Dobby was wearing a fairy dress and holding wand, waving it back and forth before bopping him on the knee.
He couldn't reach Harry's head.
Harry blinked but trudged over to the corner of the kitchens and sat down at a small table.
"What can Dobby get for Harry Potter, sir?" the creature asked.
Harry rubbed his chin and stared at the ceiling thoughtfully for a moment.
Choosing a meal was important, almost important as using an invisibility cloak.
"A sandwich please," Harry said, adjusting his robes to be more comfortable.
Dobby ran off, waving his fairy wand, his dress billowing out as he rounded the corner.
Of course, Harry didn't notice this. He was thinking about the most important thing in the world to him.
Defeating Voldemort of course.
I could try Ron's idea, Harry thought. Although, I'm not exactly sure if Voldemort is scared of peacocks.
Just then, Dobby ran over and plopped a small plate on the table near Harry.
"Is there anything else Harry Potter might need from Dobby, sir?" He asked.
Harry shook his head and motioned for the house elf to leave.
Harry stared at the sandwich appraisingly, he couldn't tell what kind it was.
But it had whole wheat bread. He hated whole wheat.
Or maybe it just looked like whole wheat.
He poked it. It seemed normal enough.
But then...
"Do you MIND!?" a voice yelled.
Harry looked around for the owner of the voice.
"Sorry?" He asked.
He glanced back at the table, the sandwich was...moving.
The bread was bending back and forth, as if to scrunch its nose.
"Harry?" the sandwich asked.
"Err.."
"Harry Potter?" It continued.
"You're a talking sandwich," Harry stated.
"Obviously," the sandwich said, making a motion as if to shrug.
"Eat me Harry," it cried out with longing.
"What? Why? You're...alive."
The sandwich groaned.
"You have to eat me, Harry," the sandwich said.
Harry blinked, "Why do I have to eat you?"
"Because it's your DESTINY, Harry!"
"You could be an evil sandwich," Harry poked it lightly.
The sandwich squirmed, "Would you stop that?"
"Sorry," Harry muttered.
There was silence between Harry and the sandwich for a few moments, the only sound coming from the cooking and cleaning house elves around the corner.
"Uhm. Well. Are you evil?" He asked the sandwich.
"Well, yes. But you have to eat me."
"You want me to eat you. But you're evil. And why are you telling me the truth?" Harry said.
The sandwich went still before responding, "Bug in evil sandwich creations. I can't lie."
"Oh," Harry said, like it was the most normal thing in the world.
"Who do you serve then?"
There was a faint reply from the sandwich, which sounded distinctly like "lardvelmore".
"Come again?" Harry asked.
"Lord Voldemort," the sandwich said, louder this time.
Harry stiffened and whipped out his wand, "Why does Lord Voldemort want me to eat a sandwich?"
"He wants you to keep up your strength," the sandwich said calmly.
"Seriously?"
"Yes. That and if you eat me you could jeopardize the fate of the wizarding world, like you would have done normally. He's just helping you along is all, mate. Mind scratching my ear? I have quite an itch."
Harry blinked, processing what the sandwich just told him before stating, "You don't have an ear."
"Yes. Well, are you going to eat me or not?" the sandwich asked.
"You have whole wheat bread, I don't like whole wheat," Harry said.
The sandwich laughed.
"Its not really whole wheat, its regular bread charmed so evil it turned brown."
"Oh," Harry said.
He shifted in his seat, thinking of what Ron and Hermione would do.
"I'm still not going to eat you. I could be putting people's lives in danger," Harry said simply.
"I'm tuna."
Harry ate the sandwich.
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A/N: Well? What did you thinkkkkkk!? Review and I'll get another chapter up. Otherwise I'll probably just trash this fic lmfao. Have a nice day!