* * *
For a while after that, that was as close as we ever got to eachother.
Jason would make sure to not get to close. But every time he touched me I
couldn't help but smile.
I moved back in to the guest bedroom of his penthouse. I felt completely safe in his home as if nothing could ever touch me. He tried to keep me away from his business and usually 'worked' while I was asleep so he could be there when I woke up and all day if necessary.
But one day I woke up and he was not there.
"Jason?" I called, coming down the stairs.
There was no response.
"Jason?" I called into the kitchen.
Still nothing.
Then I heard something at the door and thought it was him. I opened the door to discover a man that I didn't know just standing there.
I screamed and slammed the door shut before he could say anything. I went in the desk drawer and took out Jason's gun.
He didn't know that I had seen him put it away before. At times when I had nightmares and would wake up in the middle of the night, I would wait for him to come home. I'd seen him put his gun away when he would return. I would crawl back up to my room and let him wake me. He was always so sweet when he woke me up.
But that day he was not there and all I knew was there was a man I did not know outside. I took the gun and went into my room upstairs and locked the door.
A few minutes passed. I kept the gun aimed at the door just in case the man tried to get in. I was about to put it down when there was a knock at the door.
"Elizabeth?" A muffled voice asked.
I did not answer the voice I just remained silent. I aimed the gun directly at the center of the door. The arm that held it was shaky and it kept moving but I did not notice.
"Open the door, please." The voice asked.
"No." I screamed, putting the other hand on the gun in hopes of steadying it.
"I'm going to open the door." The voice said.
I moved farther against the wall and held the gun with both hands at the door of my room.
The door started to open and I just pulled the trigger. Before I knew it he was on the floor, bleeding from his side. My face fell as I saw him before me. I dropped the gun and ran to his side.
"I'm so sorry. Oh my God, Jason, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, please you have to know that I'm sorry . . ." I muttered.
"Go across the hall, get Sonny." He said, his voice laboring.
I ran down the stairs and through the front door. No man was there. I ran across the hall and no man was there either. I knocked on the door harshly.
An Italian man with slick black hair in an expensive Italian business suit answered my poundings. He looked at me confused until it registered with him that I was 'the friend' Jason had across the hall.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Sonny?" I asked, staying away from him.
"Yeah. I'm Sonny. What's wrong, dear?" He asked, his voice trying to be comforting.
"Jason . . .he's hurt real bad." I said, still staying far away from him.
The man turned behind him and looked at another man whom I recognized as the one that had been outside the penthouse. I backed away.
He ran in front of me to the penthouse across the hall. The man from before followed him. I knew that it was my fault and I should be there for Jason but I could not be in the penthouse with two men I didn't know. I was pressed against the wall and I just let myself slide down. I laid my head on my knees and just started to cry.
The only thing that I had ever heard about guns was 'They kill people'. I knew that wasn't true all the time but the only cases I had ever seen on the news were 'shot to death'. And that was the vision in my head, Jason dead.
The only person who had ever cared. The man who had saved me from myself and my rapist, dead because of me.
"Elizabeth?" Sonny called from around the corner.
When he turned he saw me crying in front of his door.
"He's going to be fine. You can go and see him. He's asking for you." He said, extending his hand.
It was the same type of gesture that Jason had made the night he saved me. But at his hand, I flinched away.
"STAY AWAY!" I yelled at him.
He took his hand back and looked at me shocked.
At a noise from the other penthouse he turned and looked away.
I could hear him say, "Jase, you shouldn't be getting up and walking around."
"Sonny, just get Johnny and go inside your penthouse. Don't go near her." He said, protectively.
The man left and Jason came closer. His shirt was off and his side was bandaged up.
"I am so sorry, Jason. I didn't know it was you. I'm so sorry." I muttered, tearing up.
"It's okay. We can talk about it later. Could you just come back inside with me?" He asked, his voice back to the soothing tone he used.
"Okay." I said, brushing the tears from under my eyes.
I got up and we started walked across when we ran into the two men. My heart froze and I stopped in mid-step.
"They are friends. You don't have to worry." Jason told me.
But they are still MEN. One of them could be HIM. I did not move.
Jason put a protective arm around me and moved me to let the guys pass. The Italian man gave Jason a weird look before passing. But Jason held on until they were inside their penthouse and then let me go.
We walked inside the penthouse and shut the door. I made him sit down on the couch once I remembered what the other man had said.
"Do you need anything? I could get it for you."
"I need to know how you got my gun." He said, seriously.
"Sometimes I have nightmares. I cannot get to sleep so I wait up for you to come home. I worry. I've seen you put your gun away when you come home. I never planned on using it but when I saw that guy outside I got scared. I thought that it was HIM trying to come in the room. If I had seen you then I would not have used the gun." I explained.
"Elizabeth, you do not have to hide things from me. It's okay that you know where my gun is. But it's not okay when you shoot first and think later. I told you my business is dangerous. The man outside is named Johnny. He is a bodyguard. He is here to protect you. I promise you that he will never hurt you. Do you trust me?"
"Yes. You're the only one I trust."
"Well, I trust him. I know it must be very difficult for you but I need you to know that if I'm ever not here and something bothers you, you can go to him or across the hall to Sonny."
"Did you tell them what happened on Valentine's Day?"
"No. I have not told anyone."
"Could you apologize to Sonny, I yelled at him."
"Sure."
"But just explain to him but don't tell him what happened."
"Okay."
"I'm really sorry, Jason."
"I understand."
"You shouldn't have to just 'understand' me shooting you. I could have killed you. What then?"
"Elizabeth, you didn't." He said, putting his hand on my shoulder slowly.
I started to cry and the tears came faster than I had the chance to wipe them away. He slowly put his arms around me and encircled me in a hug.
"I don't know what I'd do without you. You're the only person I'm comfortable with. If I had hurt you . . ."
"You didn't. Don't blame yourself."
"You need to get to a hospital."
"I'm fine."
"You got shot. Were either of those men a doctor?" I asked.
"No."
"Then we are going to the hospital."
"I don't like hospitals. I'll be fine."
"I don't like them either, but you got shot. You need to see a doctor. And I'm going to shoot you again if you don't go." I said, not really meaning all of it, but determined enough to sound like I did.
He chose not to argue, "Okay."
*** Every time I had gone to the hospital since my rape, it always reminded me of that night. The smell of antiseptic and beeping of machinery and the bustle of all the people only caused my anxiety to go up.
The moment we reached the floor I inhaled deeply to try and calm down. He noticed and put a comforting arm around me.
As soon as we walked out of the elevator I could feel all the eyes on me. Bobbie Spencer, one the woman who had treated me, ran up.
"Jason. Elizabeth. What's happened?" She asked, not able to see the bandage through Jason's shirt.
Because she was there, it brought me back momentarily to that night. I grimaced and my throat closed and my words refused to come.
"I've been shot." Jason answered.
"Oh, Jason . . ." She started, but lead us to a room.
He pulled up his shirt and let Bobby remove the bandage.
"You're lucky whomever it was wasn't a good shot. . . the bullet only grazed your side." She voiced.
I let out a sigh of relief.
As Bobbie starting working on Jason, she began speaking.
"So, Elizabeth, how've you been?"
I did not want to speak but I forced myself through it. Jason cannot do everything for me.
"I've been better." I said, simply.
Jason watched the entire time to make sure I didn't get too uncomfortable.
After he was all bandaged up we left the room. He went to sign himself out but Bobbie stopped me from following.
"I just wanted to remind you that it's about time for your follow up HIV test."
"Oh, I'll schedule that." I stated, hesitantly, hoping I wouldn't jump out of my own skin at the moment. Luckily, I didn't.
I started walking over towards the nurse's station where Jason had gone to sign out but stopped dead when I noticed Jason talking to two people. One was a blond woman in a doctor's coat and the other was a man in a suit.
I breathed in and hesitantly made my way over.
"Lila told me to ask you to stop by if you had the time." The blond stated.
"I will." He said, simply.
"Jason, it's not just Lila that wants to see you around more . . ." The woman started as I arrived.
When I got there, Jason could see my awkwardness and took my hand in his. Just the feeling of his touch calmed me down. The woman paused and I realized that her and the man beside her now were focused on me.
"Are you going to introduce us?" The man in the suit asked.
Jason looked over and me and searched my eyes for approval. I agreed.
"Monica, Alan . . . this is Elizabeth."
Monica held out her hand. I shook it hesitantly and the man greeted me, "Hello, Elizabeth."
I smiled, a fake smile, but I attempted to be polite.
"Elizabeth . . . where have I heard that name? . . ." Monica started, "Are you Audrey's granddaughter?"
"Yes."
"And Sarah must be you're sister." Monica added.
"Yes."
"She's a lovely girl. She was just in here inquiring about an internship." Alan started.
Jason could tell that I really did not want to have a discussion about my sister.
"We need to go." He told them.
"I'm sorry about that." He apologized as we walked towards the elevator.
"It wasn't them. I just don't want to talk about my sister." I stated.
"You can't choose who you're related to." He stated, and I smiled, a real smile.
I moved back in to the guest bedroom of his penthouse. I felt completely safe in his home as if nothing could ever touch me. He tried to keep me away from his business and usually 'worked' while I was asleep so he could be there when I woke up and all day if necessary.
But one day I woke up and he was not there.
"Jason?" I called, coming down the stairs.
There was no response.
"Jason?" I called into the kitchen.
Still nothing.
Then I heard something at the door and thought it was him. I opened the door to discover a man that I didn't know just standing there.
I screamed and slammed the door shut before he could say anything. I went in the desk drawer and took out Jason's gun.
He didn't know that I had seen him put it away before. At times when I had nightmares and would wake up in the middle of the night, I would wait for him to come home. I'd seen him put his gun away when he would return. I would crawl back up to my room and let him wake me. He was always so sweet when he woke me up.
But that day he was not there and all I knew was there was a man I did not know outside. I took the gun and went into my room upstairs and locked the door.
A few minutes passed. I kept the gun aimed at the door just in case the man tried to get in. I was about to put it down when there was a knock at the door.
"Elizabeth?" A muffled voice asked.
I did not answer the voice I just remained silent. I aimed the gun directly at the center of the door. The arm that held it was shaky and it kept moving but I did not notice.
"Open the door, please." The voice asked.
"No." I screamed, putting the other hand on the gun in hopes of steadying it.
"I'm going to open the door." The voice said.
I moved farther against the wall and held the gun with both hands at the door of my room.
The door started to open and I just pulled the trigger. Before I knew it he was on the floor, bleeding from his side. My face fell as I saw him before me. I dropped the gun and ran to his side.
"I'm so sorry. Oh my God, Jason, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, please you have to know that I'm sorry . . ." I muttered.
"Go across the hall, get Sonny." He said, his voice laboring.
I ran down the stairs and through the front door. No man was there. I ran across the hall and no man was there either. I knocked on the door harshly.
An Italian man with slick black hair in an expensive Italian business suit answered my poundings. He looked at me confused until it registered with him that I was 'the friend' Jason had across the hall.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Sonny?" I asked, staying away from him.
"Yeah. I'm Sonny. What's wrong, dear?" He asked, his voice trying to be comforting.
"Jason . . .he's hurt real bad." I said, still staying far away from him.
The man turned behind him and looked at another man whom I recognized as the one that had been outside the penthouse. I backed away.
He ran in front of me to the penthouse across the hall. The man from before followed him. I knew that it was my fault and I should be there for Jason but I could not be in the penthouse with two men I didn't know. I was pressed against the wall and I just let myself slide down. I laid my head on my knees and just started to cry.
The only thing that I had ever heard about guns was 'They kill people'. I knew that wasn't true all the time but the only cases I had ever seen on the news were 'shot to death'. And that was the vision in my head, Jason dead.
The only person who had ever cared. The man who had saved me from myself and my rapist, dead because of me.
"Elizabeth?" Sonny called from around the corner.
When he turned he saw me crying in front of his door.
"He's going to be fine. You can go and see him. He's asking for you." He said, extending his hand.
It was the same type of gesture that Jason had made the night he saved me. But at his hand, I flinched away.
"STAY AWAY!" I yelled at him.
He took his hand back and looked at me shocked.
At a noise from the other penthouse he turned and looked away.
I could hear him say, "Jase, you shouldn't be getting up and walking around."
"Sonny, just get Johnny and go inside your penthouse. Don't go near her." He said, protectively.
The man left and Jason came closer. His shirt was off and his side was bandaged up.
"I am so sorry, Jason. I didn't know it was you. I'm so sorry." I muttered, tearing up.
"It's okay. We can talk about it later. Could you just come back inside with me?" He asked, his voice back to the soothing tone he used.
"Okay." I said, brushing the tears from under my eyes.
I got up and we started walked across when we ran into the two men. My heart froze and I stopped in mid-step.
"They are friends. You don't have to worry." Jason told me.
But they are still MEN. One of them could be HIM. I did not move.
Jason put a protective arm around me and moved me to let the guys pass. The Italian man gave Jason a weird look before passing. But Jason held on until they were inside their penthouse and then let me go.
We walked inside the penthouse and shut the door. I made him sit down on the couch once I remembered what the other man had said.
"Do you need anything? I could get it for you."
"I need to know how you got my gun." He said, seriously.
"Sometimes I have nightmares. I cannot get to sleep so I wait up for you to come home. I worry. I've seen you put your gun away when you come home. I never planned on using it but when I saw that guy outside I got scared. I thought that it was HIM trying to come in the room. If I had seen you then I would not have used the gun." I explained.
"Elizabeth, you do not have to hide things from me. It's okay that you know where my gun is. But it's not okay when you shoot first and think later. I told you my business is dangerous. The man outside is named Johnny. He is a bodyguard. He is here to protect you. I promise you that he will never hurt you. Do you trust me?"
"Yes. You're the only one I trust."
"Well, I trust him. I know it must be very difficult for you but I need you to know that if I'm ever not here and something bothers you, you can go to him or across the hall to Sonny."
"Did you tell them what happened on Valentine's Day?"
"No. I have not told anyone."
"Could you apologize to Sonny, I yelled at him."
"Sure."
"But just explain to him but don't tell him what happened."
"Okay."
"I'm really sorry, Jason."
"I understand."
"You shouldn't have to just 'understand' me shooting you. I could have killed you. What then?"
"Elizabeth, you didn't." He said, putting his hand on my shoulder slowly.
I started to cry and the tears came faster than I had the chance to wipe them away. He slowly put his arms around me and encircled me in a hug.
"I don't know what I'd do without you. You're the only person I'm comfortable with. If I had hurt you . . ."
"You didn't. Don't blame yourself."
"You need to get to a hospital."
"I'm fine."
"You got shot. Were either of those men a doctor?" I asked.
"No."
"Then we are going to the hospital."
"I don't like hospitals. I'll be fine."
"I don't like them either, but you got shot. You need to see a doctor. And I'm going to shoot you again if you don't go." I said, not really meaning all of it, but determined enough to sound like I did.
He chose not to argue, "Okay."
*** Every time I had gone to the hospital since my rape, it always reminded me of that night. The smell of antiseptic and beeping of machinery and the bustle of all the people only caused my anxiety to go up.
The moment we reached the floor I inhaled deeply to try and calm down. He noticed and put a comforting arm around me.
As soon as we walked out of the elevator I could feel all the eyes on me. Bobbie Spencer, one the woman who had treated me, ran up.
"Jason. Elizabeth. What's happened?" She asked, not able to see the bandage through Jason's shirt.
Because she was there, it brought me back momentarily to that night. I grimaced and my throat closed and my words refused to come.
"I've been shot." Jason answered.
"Oh, Jason . . ." She started, but lead us to a room.
He pulled up his shirt and let Bobby remove the bandage.
"You're lucky whomever it was wasn't a good shot. . . the bullet only grazed your side." She voiced.
I let out a sigh of relief.
As Bobbie starting working on Jason, she began speaking.
"So, Elizabeth, how've you been?"
I did not want to speak but I forced myself through it. Jason cannot do everything for me.
"I've been better." I said, simply.
Jason watched the entire time to make sure I didn't get too uncomfortable.
After he was all bandaged up we left the room. He went to sign himself out but Bobbie stopped me from following.
"I just wanted to remind you that it's about time for your follow up HIV test."
"Oh, I'll schedule that." I stated, hesitantly, hoping I wouldn't jump out of my own skin at the moment. Luckily, I didn't.
I started walking over towards the nurse's station where Jason had gone to sign out but stopped dead when I noticed Jason talking to two people. One was a blond woman in a doctor's coat and the other was a man in a suit.
I breathed in and hesitantly made my way over.
"Lila told me to ask you to stop by if you had the time." The blond stated.
"I will." He said, simply.
"Jason, it's not just Lila that wants to see you around more . . ." The woman started as I arrived.
When I got there, Jason could see my awkwardness and took my hand in his. Just the feeling of his touch calmed me down. The woman paused and I realized that her and the man beside her now were focused on me.
"Are you going to introduce us?" The man in the suit asked.
Jason looked over and me and searched my eyes for approval. I agreed.
"Monica, Alan . . . this is Elizabeth."
Monica held out her hand. I shook it hesitantly and the man greeted me, "Hello, Elizabeth."
I smiled, a fake smile, but I attempted to be polite.
"Elizabeth . . . where have I heard that name? . . ." Monica started, "Are you Audrey's granddaughter?"
"Yes."
"And Sarah must be you're sister." Monica added.
"Yes."
"She's a lovely girl. She was just in here inquiring about an internship." Alan started.
Jason could tell that I really did not want to have a discussion about my sister.
"We need to go." He told them.
"I'm sorry about that." He apologized as we walked towards the elevator.
"It wasn't them. I just don't want to talk about my sister." I stated.
"You can't choose who you're related to." He stated, and I smiled, a real smile.