* * * He never brought up the attempted kiss. Not once. I went on more frequent shopping trips with Emily but I still felt like I would jump out of my skin every single time we saw a man. She started to notice and one day began to ask questions.

"Why are you so jumpy?" She asked.

"Um . . . I just get like this sometimes. No biggy. It comes and goes."

"But it happens every time we go out. In any public place you look like your getting ready to run away. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Is it about Jason's business? I use to be jumpy too but nothing ever happens."

"Yeah, that's it." I answered, unconvincingly.

"Why don't you live with Audrey and Sarah?"

"We don't really get along well."

"How did you end up staying with Jason?"

"It kinda just happened." I answered, not sure how to explain it without revealing too much.

"Are you two, you know, together?" She asked, trying to be subtle.

"No, we are just friends."

"You seem really close."

"Well, he is one of the only people I know in Port Charles. And I've gotten to know him pretty well."

"How well?" She asked, childishly.

"Not like you think." I said, comfortably.

The thought of being intimate with Jason was completely comfortable in theory. But in real life, I could still not imagine being intimate with anyone. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"I know this is a personal question, and you don't have to answer, but have you ever-you know-done it?"

We had been walking and I stopped dead in my tracks. There in front of me was a man, a little too close for comfort. And in combination with Emily's question, my heart almost leapt from my chest.

"Elizabeth? Are you okay?" She asked with a worried expression.

But I wasn't upset or scared, I was angry. I had no idea where this anger had come from but it came out in the worst possible way.

"You wanna know why I'm so jumpy? It's because that night when Lucky ditched me I went to the wrong place at the wrong time and some man took advantage of me. He took something away from me that I can never get back. A moment that is supposed to be so special but now it haunts me. I have to look behind my shoulder when nothing is there. I cannot trust anyone. And no, I'm not 'with' your brother. I cannot even stand to kiss someone let alone jump into bed. And you want to know how I know Jason? He is the one that pulled me up bleeding from the snow."

I stopped out of breath. Her wide eyes peered into mine as we stared at eachother in silence.

"Elizabeth, I'm so . . ." She started to say.

"Not now. I get enough pity from your brother." I said, half meaning it.

I knew that Jason did not pity me. I knew that he genuinely cared and his compassion was real. But I didn't want his compassion. I did not want his help. I want to get over this myself. I want this to be over now and just be able to live normally. I want to gain back my life on my own. And the only way I could see doing that was to find the man who raped me and make him pay.

* * * For the first time since the attack, I went back to the park. The police line had been taken down and all that was left in the snow was the footprints of the police who came and went and people that mindlessly passed over it without knowing what had happened. For a moment I just stared at the snow, as if hypnotized by it.

I do not know how long I was standing there but I heard a twig break behind me. I turned, remembering vividly my mistake last time, and was met with brown eyes.

I jumped back, startled, and fell into the snow. Fell into the same spot in which it had happened. I wanted to be strong, just brush myself off and get up, but I couldn't.

He held out a hand. I did not flinch this time, I did not run, I took it.

"Emily called me, she is looking for you everywhere."

"Don't you ever, sometimes, not want to be found?"

"If you want, I can just tell her that I haven't seen you."

"I don't want you to lie for me."

"Then let me tell you the truth. Emily is not the only one worried about you. Your grandmother is worried sick and today Sarah even told me she regretted your fight the other day."

I pulled my hand away.

"You believe her act? All she has ever done is play the drama queen. I could see through it but my parents, my grams, they buy right into it. And now she's corrupted you."

"If you knew my family, you'd know I am already corrupted." He said, trying to lighten the mood.

I stayed silent.

"Let me take you home or to Emily." He asked.

"I can't."

"Let me help you."

"Sarah is lucky to have you. She is lucky to have someone in her life. I'll never have that."

"That's not true."

"It is, more than you know. Just go, you have done enough." I said, a little harsher than I really meant to.

"What should I tell Emily?"

"Tell her that I'm okay. That I'm sorry that I blew up at her."

"Okay, see ya around."

"Thanks, Nikolas. For a boyfriend of Sarah's, you're alright."

He smiled.

* * * After he left I just sat on the bench staring at where it happened. I tried to remember any little detail that might help me remember him but I came up with nothing. All I remembered was the look in his eyes, the smell of his soap, and his words, and that was not enough to find and convict someone.

I had no idea where to go. I could not go back to Jason. I could not stay with gram or Emily. So I got up and just started walking in no particular direction. I ended up at Kelly's.

When I walked in I went directly to the corner booth. I did not want to be seen. I just wanted to sit there by myself and try to think of any little detail that might help. But fate intervened once again in the form of song lyrics from the jukebox:

What once was hurt

What once was friction

What left a mark

No longer stings

Because Grace makes beauty

Out of ugly things

(U2/Grace/All That You Can't Leave Behind)

The song sparked something within me. I realized that I was allowed to hurt, feel pain, be angry, but I should not let it rule my life. I realized that this experience was just one of the harsh lessons of life. I could either let my anger and vengeance rule my life or I can learn from my experience.

I do not want something holding me back from my dreams. I want to fall in love. I want to get married. I want to have children. And if I let this fear rule my life, then I will have none of that.

I left Kelly's and hailed a cab. In no time I would be where I wanted to be.

* * * When I got out of the elevator, Johnny was there.

"Ms. Webber."

"Johnny, I just want to apologize for before."

"It's okay, I'm not the one you shot." He cracked a smile.

"Is he here?"

"His sister came over and he left with her."

"Oh." I said, feeling horrible.

"I'll just be inside."

"Okay. Do you want me to let him know your back? I could call his cell." He asked.

"No, I want to be a surprise."

"Mr. Morgan tends to dislike surprises."

"Maybe I can get him to change his mind." I said.

He smiled.

I went inside and shut the door behind me. The penthouse was dark but with the flick of a switch it was the same warm place that for some reason, I call home.

I prepared dinner, lit candles, and found the appropriate music. And then I waited. * * * He came home late, his eyes dark, but they lit as soon as he entered. He said nothing but crossed the room towards me.

"When did you get back?"

"A little while ago. I'm sorry if you were worried."

"Emily told me what happened. You think I pity you?"

I walked closer to him.

"I was in a bad place. I said a lot I did not mean. I'm sorry. And the next time I see Emily I am going to apologize for what happened."

He wrapped his arms around me, slowly, but I didn't fidget or pull away.

"I'm glad you're okay."

I pulled away from his embrace. For a second he looked at me as though he had done something wrong by holding me.

"You've done so much for me. You hardly knew me and you welcomed me into your home. Thank you."

Before he could answer, I asked, "Would you dance with me?"

He smiled and took me in his arms. I pressed the button and waited for the music to begin.

When you look at the world

What is it that you see?

People find all kinds of things

That bring them to their knees

I see an expression

So clear and so true

That it changes the atmosphere

When you walk into the room

So I try to be like you

Try to feel it like you do

But without you it's no use

I can't see what you see

When I look at the world

When the night is someone elses

And you're trying to get some sleep

When your thoughts are too expensive

To ever want to keep

When there's all kinds of chaos

And everyone is walking lame

You don't even blink now, do you

Or even look away

So I try to be like you

Try to feel it like you do

But without you it's no use

I can't see what you see

When I look at the world

I can't wait any longer

I can't wait till I'm stronger

Can't wait any longer

To see what you see

When I look at the world

(U2/When I Look At The World/All That You Can't Leave Behind)

After the song ended we stayed holding eachother just a little too long. He eventually pulled away for fear that I might take it the wrong way. But I did not. I knew he cared about me. I knew that he would never hurt me.

He started to walk towards the food that I had put on the dinner table.

"Jason?"

He turned back towards me, his eyes still lit up.

"Could I ask you just one more favor?"

"Sure."

"Could we try it again?"

I thought I'd have to ask it out loud again, but I didn't. He did not need to hear it again. He remembered.

He walked over so slowly and this time my heart raced but for a totally different reason. Just inches from me, he took his hands and put one on the back of my neck. The other, ever so delicately, cupped my cheek.

He hesitated only a moment. His blue eyes peering into mine, again looking past everything and into my soul. His lips curved ever so slightly that if you blinked then you would have missed it.

He leaned forward and separated the distance between our lips. The kiss was everything I imagined it would be, soft and delicate. And for a moment the whole room melted away and all I knew was him, his scent, his touch, and that moment was the moment I realized that everything I wanted was right in front of me.

And it scared me.