It was hard leaving his penthouse to go back to my grandmother's home. I
almost thought about staying but I felt as if I owed my grandmother
something for keeping my secret.
As soon as I got home I noticed my grandmother's excitement. I said nothing, afraid that I did not want to know what it was about. Her idea of excitement was hardly ever the same as mine. I went causally upstairs to my room, shut the door, and my eyes instantly found the mysterious letter waiting on my bed.
Eager but hesitant to know what the envelope contained, I approached it slowly. I carefully, and slowly, took my time opening it up. I pulled the card out slowly and opened it.
It read:
"Elizabeth,
I know that this is last minute, and I would understand if you did not want to come. But I hope that you do decide to come and I promise you an enjoyable evening. If you are confused about where this whole rambling mess of words is going . . . I would be honored if you would be my date to the Nurse's Ball. The Nurse's Ball is a charity event and every ticket helps. Please let me know soon!
~Nikolas."
Is this what my grandmother was excited about? An invitation to a 'Nurse's Ball'? Secondly, do I even want to go? Lastly, is Nikolas really the man I want to go with?
Whatever the answer to those questions, I do need more information about the event. And given my grandmother has lived here her entire life, she might know more than I. I walked down the stairs and found her in the sitting room looking through a medical journal.
"Gram?" I asked, hesitantly.
"Yes, dear?"
"What's the Nurse's Ball? I know that it is a charity event but other than that . . ."
She patted the seat next to her. I sat down beside her to make her happy despite my own reservations.
"The Nurse's Ball is a formal affair that's goal is to raise awareness of the disease HIV/AIDS and the proceeds go towards the search for a cure. Many people from town put together skits for entertainment and it is hosted by a very eccentric woman by the name of Lucy Coe. It is rather enjoyable. I attend every year."
"A formal affair?"
"Yes, dear. No jeans and sneakers allowed. Women in gowns, men in tuxedos."
I knew it was for a good cause and I knew that with Nikolas as my date I would have at least one person to talk to if it was a waste of time.
Before I really knew what I was saying, I asked, "Where is the best place to find a formal gown?"
* * * I hadn't really wanted her to come along but a feeling of guilt set in when I realized that I hadn't really attempted to give her a chance in the first place. I asked if she would like to come along and she hesitated only momentarily before agreeing. We drove to Wyndam's and went directly towards the formal wear.
"So, who's the lucky young man?" She asked while looking through a rack of dresses.
She paused her search while waiting for my response. I felt as though she was waiting for me to say Jason so she could berate him. But I put all thoughts of this behind me and answered.
"Nikolas Cassidine."
"I was sure that Lucky Spencer would ask you." She offered.
Well, if Lucky had asked, my answer would be no. As much fun as I have hanging out with him, a date with Lucky would bring me back to a place I was not ready to go to yet.
"No. I'm sure he's going with Emily." I offered.
She pulled a deep orange dress from the rack and held it up, "What about this dress, dear?"
I looked it over and knew that it was something I would never wear, but I offered to try it on to please her. When she had given me three gowns to try on and I had found two, I rushed back towards the dressing room to escape our uncomfortable conversation.
Later on, with purchased gown in hand, we left in the car to go back home. Despite my need for a silent car ride, Audrey was committed to start a conversation. When at last she realized it was a lost cause, she sighed and sat silently.
"I'm sorry." I offered, knowing that she meant well.
"Don't apologize, dear."
"I'm sorry that I'm not that ten year girl that use to be excited to visit you."
Audrey said nothing and we went back to our uncomfortable silence for a minute.
"I don't know what you expected when Sarah and I came to live with you, but I know it wasn't this. For whatever it's worth, I'm sorry things turned out this way. Sometimes I want so much to be that little girl, without a care in the world, and only the endlessness of the afternoon ahead of me, but I cannot be that girl."
"I know it has s been hard since you've come to live with me. And I know how it was for you at home with your parents. I just hoped that we could form some kind of relationship. It's hard to live without some family to fall back on, and I want you to know that anytime you need me, I'll be here."
I smiled, as did she, and the silence was for the first time comfortable.
* * * Emily and I agreed to get together to do eachother's hair and makeup. We got together early in the afternoon so we would have time to experiment, which we did. Two hours before Nikolas and Lucky were to pick us up from my grandmother's home, with half my hair in curlers and two shades of lipstick on, a knock came at my bedroom door. Much to my dismay, and to Emily's, it was Sarah.
"What do you want?" I asked, especially not in the mood to talk.
"I heard that you are going with Nikolas." She offered.
I turned briefly to look at Emily and she smiled knowing how much it must be annoying Sarah to have me going with Nikolas to the Nurse's Ball.
"So. What does it matter to you?" I asked, becoming defensive.
"You know that you only going with him to rub it in my face."
"Whatever you want to tell yourself, Sarah. I'm going because he is my friend and he asked me to go and I wasn't about to imitate you and act like a bitch." I offered.
She left and I turned to Emily to look at her surprised reaction.
"WOW!" She offered, "You told her!"
But my interaction with Sarah had reminded me of my last interaction with her, at the mall, when she was still with Nikolas. Then, Emily had congratulated me because she liked Nikolas. Was this still the case?
"Are you okay with me going with Nikolas?" I asked.
"Oh, sure." She started in-between putting on a different shade of lipstick, "I'm happy for you two. And besides, my heart is with Lucky."
Suddenly I realized she might have misinterpreted my date with Nikolas as an actual date.
"Em, you do know that I am just going with Nikolas as a friend, right?" I asked.
She turned, "Elizabeth, it's written all over your face. Your head over heals for my brother. But Jason isn't the most available guy and you know that."
It came as a shock to me that my feelings were more obvious to her than to me.
"What? I'm not head over heals for your brother." I started, half- heartedly arguing, "I'm grateful for what he did to me and I appreciate him and our friendship. Our relationship is complicated and you wouldn't understand."
"I understand, Elizabeth. At first it was just the intrigue of a mysterious stranger that saved you. Next you see beyond the savior and see that the man isn't half bad looking. Then, at last, you realize that he is the only one you can imagine yourself with. Then you scold yourself for following the obvious storyline and try to deny it. But it's all over your face. I'm surprised Nikolas can't see it."
Taken back briefly at how close she was, I answered, "I think that lipstick will go nice with your dress."
She looked at me, knowingly, "Yeah, it will."
Our discussion of that matter was closed. She knew that she had figured it out but was kind enough not to rub it in my face. But the horrible part of her knowing is the fact that I can no longer deny it; I had to face it straight on.
* * * "Elizabeth? Emily? Two young men are down here waiting!" Audrey casually yelled up the stairs.
She turned towards the brothers; "They've been up there for hours."
Lucky and Nikolas turned to eachother, surprised and confused as to what could take them so long.
Emily walked down the stairs first. She wore a deep lavender gown with matching silver earrings and necklace. Her hair was up with a few curly tendrils loose and flowing to her shoulders.
"Wow!" Lucky exclaimed and she smiled shyly.
Emily yelled up the stairs, "Okay, Liz, we're all waiting!"
I started my decent down the stairs and sent up a silent prayer that I would not trip over my own feet. I held the train of my dress up with one hand as I made my way down the stairs. When I got to the bottom of the stairs and worked up the nerve to look up at Nikolas, he was beaming.
"You look beautiful." He said, simply.
I looked down at my gown, a deep blue with small silver rhinestones and offered, "Oh, this old thing?"
We all laughed and then he took my arm in his and led me out to the waiting limo.
* * * The benefit was held in the ballroom of the Port Charles Hotel. It was decorated in red, which reminded me of Valentine's Day. Nikolas, as if he could sense I was uncomfortable, gave me a reassuring squeeze.
All four of us sat at a table together that was directly beside the table where Stephan Cassidine and other patrons of General Hospital sat. He came over to say hello to Nikolas and looked at me briefly as if uninterested and went back to his seat. Nikolas excused himself from our table because he had to go behind the stage and wait to be announced. He was presenting a donation as well as introducing the host of the evening.
"Are you going to be okay?" He asked, worried.
"I'm fine." I said, despite the fact that it wasn't true. "Lucky and Em are here. Go, before you're late!"
With all the people around I knew that no one would hurt me in the open. And yet I got the feeling that someone was watching me. My skin was quickly gooseflesh despite the warm temperature.
"Are you feeling alright?" Emily asked, moments before the show was to begin.
"I'm okay." I said, lying again.
I turned to look around as if I could spot HIM in the crowd. That is when I noticed that Jason was there. He was sitting at a table with Sonny, a brunette, and a few men. One of the men I recognized as the bodyguard that stood outside Jason's penthouse. I wanted to get his attention some how but I noticed his eyes were drawn to the table where Emily's family sat.
Amongst the Quatermaine's I had already met, like Monica, Alan, and A.J. was a blond woman I immediately recognized from Jason's apartment. And in her arms was the beautiful little boy that I knew had to be Michael. Jason's eyes were fixated on the little boy and I felt it was not my place to intrude.
I turned back towards the stage just as Nikolas came on.
"Greetings Ladies and Gentleman. Tonight is a very special night for many of us. In case you're a newcomer, this night is dedicated to those whom are no longer with us. To those brave souls that fought with everything they had against a disease that claims thousands a year. I would like for us all to take a moment of silence to remember those that could not be here tonight."
The entire room was silent and still.
"Thank you. Tonight is not only about loss, tonight is about life. The proceeds of this event go towards research that may someday save lives. So tonight we celebrate life. Within the walls of this hospital, the staff deals with life and death everyday and this evening is important to many here. On behalf of General Hospital, as a patron, I would like to donate this check for $100,000 to the fight for a cure."
Everyone in the room clapped and applauded.
"And now, it is time to celebrate life. And here is the liveliest person I know, Lucy Coe."
* * *
I watched the various skits throughout the night and yet my mind was elsewhere. My mind was with Jason whom sat still in his seat watching as Michael was passed around from Quatermaine to Quartermaine. I could almost see the longing in his eyes for just one moment with the little boy. I wanted so much to do something but I did not know what.
Before the intermission of the show, a small brunette came up on stage and waited quietly for the attention of the room. And for the first time the entire evening, I saw Jason's eyes look towards the stage. But it was only momentary and then he was once again back to looking at Michael.
I heard Emily and Nikolas mumble something about how they were surprised she showed up. And suddenly I knew who she was. This was Robin, the girl that had betrayed Jason to A.J., the reason that Michael was no longer with Jason.
"My name is Robin Scorpio. I was diagnosed with HIV a few years ago. But that is not why I am here tonight. For someone in my condition, I am rather healthy. I am here to speak for those who are not as lucky as I am, for those whom are no longer with us. Many of us that are here tonight have been affected in someway by this deadly disease. But getting the diagnosis does not have to be a death-sentence. Tonight is about hope and living long and full lives. Thank you all for supporting this dream. Enjoy the rest of the show."
All four of us got up to linger amongst the crowd and greet those around us. I purposefully got separated from the group and found my way to the side of the stage just as she was getting down.
"Robin?" I called, getting her attention.
She looked at me quizzically, "Yes?"
"That was a beautiful speech. I'm sorry that hits so close to home."
"Thank you. It's okay, I'm okay . . . did you have a question?"
"I don't mean to be rude, and if this comes out that way, I'm sorry. I'm not usually one that walks up to a complete stranger . . . and I don't know why I chose now to start, but I need to tell you something and then I promise I will be out of your hair."
She looked at me, confused.
"There are some situations where honesty is not the best policy. Sometimes the truth can hurt those that you never wanted to hurt. And sometimes your motives for doing something may seem crystal clear but the outcome is disastrous."
"I'm confused." She offered.
I turned and pointed to Michael, "Do you realize all you've taken away from him?"
"A.J. had the right to know that Michael was his son. Every parent has that right."
"Should you be thinking of the well-being of the parent or the child?" I asked.
"Who are you to pass judgement on the situation?"
"Do you know how much Jason loves Michael? Did you bother to look in his eyes long enough to see the pain and heartache you inflicted? Did it even matter what you did to him? Nothing will ever take away that pain!"
"A.J. deserved to know! And I loved Jason. Who are you to speak for him?"
"I love him and it hurts me to see him in all this pain that I cannot take away."
It took a moment to register what I had said and another moment before I could get my feet moving away from Robin. And of all the people I could have run into, I ran into Jason.
I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know. But all I could see was Michael in his eyes and it made me wonder if there was room in his heart for me, or if it was still broken from Robin's final blow.
All I could conjure out, "Can we get out of here?"
* * *
I looked around briefly for Emily, feeling as if I explained to her she would understand. However, I knew that if I left unexpectently, Nikolas would not take offense because he knew I was squeamish and would easily forgive me. I did not want to abuse his compassion, and I was in part frightened by the crowd of strangers, but my main reason for leaving was so I could talk to Jason.
He put his hand on the small of my back and led me out.
"I'm surprised you came." He offered.
"Why?" I asked, even though I was sure of the answer.
"You told me that you don't like malls because of the crowd and this is bigger."
"That is one of the reasons I wanted to get away." I started.
"What's the other?" He asked after a moment of silence.
"I need to apologize to you."
He looked at me confused, "For what?"
"I spoke with Robin." I said, quickly, hoping it would be over with just as fast.
"That's your choice." He said, after a moment of reflection.
"I feel guilty about it."
"Why?"
"I saw you looking over at Michael the entire evening and saw how much pain was in your eyes. I wanted to do something, to erase that pain. . . You've done so much for me, helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. . ."
"You don't owe me anything." He offered.
"I do. I owe you everything. I walked over to Robin and blamed her, which I know was stupid and juvenile, but . . ."
Jason pulled me close to him and held me in his arms, "I know why you did it. Don't be mad at yourself."
With my head softly resting on his chest I barely spoke above a whisper, "But you don't . . ."
He looked down at me, his eyes connecting with mine.
" I love you. That's why."
His expression was blank for a moment, startled, as if he had never heard those words before. Then his eyes became the familiar ones I knew, but something changed. There was a light within them I had not seen before, or had not noticed.
He asked, "Do you know how I feel about you?"
My lips were frozen shut.
"Sonny gave me a family. Carly gave me friendship. Robin gave me faith. You give me all these things and so much more. . . . I don't have to think about business or Michael's custody battle when I'm with you because I feel safe with you. You're my home."
I couldn't help but smile. I couldn't help from inching closer to him and taking in his scent, his touch, and his essence. He leaned down and kissed my head through my hair. I looked up into his eyes and was sure that there was room in his heart for me, because I was already there.
As soon as I got home I noticed my grandmother's excitement. I said nothing, afraid that I did not want to know what it was about. Her idea of excitement was hardly ever the same as mine. I went causally upstairs to my room, shut the door, and my eyes instantly found the mysterious letter waiting on my bed.
Eager but hesitant to know what the envelope contained, I approached it slowly. I carefully, and slowly, took my time opening it up. I pulled the card out slowly and opened it.
It read:
"Elizabeth,
I know that this is last minute, and I would understand if you did not want to come. But I hope that you do decide to come and I promise you an enjoyable evening. If you are confused about where this whole rambling mess of words is going . . . I would be honored if you would be my date to the Nurse's Ball. The Nurse's Ball is a charity event and every ticket helps. Please let me know soon!
~Nikolas."
Is this what my grandmother was excited about? An invitation to a 'Nurse's Ball'? Secondly, do I even want to go? Lastly, is Nikolas really the man I want to go with?
Whatever the answer to those questions, I do need more information about the event. And given my grandmother has lived here her entire life, she might know more than I. I walked down the stairs and found her in the sitting room looking through a medical journal.
"Gram?" I asked, hesitantly.
"Yes, dear?"
"What's the Nurse's Ball? I know that it is a charity event but other than that . . ."
She patted the seat next to her. I sat down beside her to make her happy despite my own reservations.
"The Nurse's Ball is a formal affair that's goal is to raise awareness of the disease HIV/AIDS and the proceeds go towards the search for a cure. Many people from town put together skits for entertainment and it is hosted by a very eccentric woman by the name of Lucy Coe. It is rather enjoyable. I attend every year."
"A formal affair?"
"Yes, dear. No jeans and sneakers allowed. Women in gowns, men in tuxedos."
I knew it was for a good cause and I knew that with Nikolas as my date I would have at least one person to talk to if it was a waste of time.
Before I really knew what I was saying, I asked, "Where is the best place to find a formal gown?"
* * * I hadn't really wanted her to come along but a feeling of guilt set in when I realized that I hadn't really attempted to give her a chance in the first place. I asked if she would like to come along and she hesitated only momentarily before agreeing. We drove to Wyndam's and went directly towards the formal wear.
"So, who's the lucky young man?" She asked while looking through a rack of dresses.
She paused her search while waiting for my response. I felt as though she was waiting for me to say Jason so she could berate him. But I put all thoughts of this behind me and answered.
"Nikolas Cassidine."
"I was sure that Lucky Spencer would ask you." She offered.
Well, if Lucky had asked, my answer would be no. As much fun as I have hanging out with him, a date with Lucky would bring me back to a place I was not ready to go to yet.
"No. I'm sure he's going with Emily." I offered.
She pulled a deep orange dress from the rack and held it up, "What about this dress, dear?"
I looked it over and knew that it was something I would never wear, but I offered to try it on to please her. When she had given me three gowns to try on and I had found two, I rushed back towards the dressing room to escape our uncomfortable conversation.
Later on, with purchased gown in hand, we left in the car to go back home. Despite my need for a silent car ride, Audrey was committed to start a conversation. When at last she realized it was a lost cause, she sighed and sat silently.
"I'm sorry." I offered, knowing that she meant well.
"Don't apologize, dear."
"I'm sorry that I'm not that ten year girl that use to be excited to visit you."
Audrey said nothing and we went back to our uncomfortable silence for a minute.
"I don't know what you expected when Sarah and I came to live with you, but I know it wasn't this. For whatever it's worth, I'm sorry things turned out this way. Sometimes I want so much to be that little girl, without a care in the world, and only the endlessness of the afternoon ahead of me, but I cannot be that girl."
"I know it has s been hard since you've come to live with me. And I know how it was for you at home with your parents. I just hoped that we could form some kind of relationship. It's hard to live without some family to fall back on, and I want you to know that anytime you need me, I'll be here."
I smiled, as did she, and the silence was for the first time comfortable.
* * * Emily and I agreed to get together to do eachother's hair and makeup. We got together early in the afternoon so we would have time to experiment, which we did. Two hours before Nikolas and Lucky were to pick us up from my grandmother's home, with half my hair in curlers and two shades of lipstick on, a knock came at my bedroom door. Much to my dismay, and to Emily's, it was Sarah.
"What do you want?" I asked, especially not in the mood to talk.
"I heard that you are going with Nikolas." She offered.
I turned briefly to look at Emily and she smiled knowing how much it must be annoying Sarah to have me going with Nikolas to the Nurse's Ball.
"So. What does it matter to you?" I asked, becoming defensive.
"You know that you only going with him to rub it in my face."
"Whatever you want to tell yourself, Sarah. I'm going because he is my friend and he asked me to go and I wasn't about to imitate you and act like a bitch." I offered.
She left and I turned to Emily to look at her surprised reaction.
"WOW!" She offered, "You told her!"
But my interaction with Sarah had reminded me of my last interaction with her, at the mall, when she was still with Nikolas. Then, Emily had congratulated me because she liked Nikolas. Was this still the case?
"Are you okay with me going with Nikolas?" I asked.
"Oh, sure." She started in-between putting on a different shade of lipstick, "I'm happy for you two. And besides, my heart is with Lucky."
Suddenly I realized she might have misinterpreted my date with Nikolas as an actual date.
"Em, you do know that I am just going with Nikolas as a friend, right?" I asked.
She turned, "Elizabeth, it's written all over your face. Your head over heals for my brother. But Jason isn't the most available guy and you know that."
It came as a shock to me that my feelings were more obvious to her than to me.
"What? I'm not head over heals for your brother." I started, half- heartedly arguing, "I'm grateful for what he did to me and I appreciate him and our friendship. Our relationship is complicated and you wouldn't understand."
"I understand, Elizabeth. At first it was just the intrigue of a mysterious stranger that saved you. Next you see beyond the savior and see that the man isn't half bad looking. Then, at last, you realize that he is the only one you can imagine yourself with. Then you scold yourself for following the obvious storyline and try to deny it. But it's all over your face. I'm surprised Nikolas can't see it."
Taken back briefly at how close she was, I answered, "I think that lipstick will go nice with your dress."
She looked at me, knowingly, "Yeah, it will."
Our discussion of that matter was closed. She knew that she had figured it out but was kind enough not to rub it in my face. But the horrible part of her knowing is the fact that I can no longer deny it; I had to face it straight on.
* * * "Elizabeth? Emily? Two young men are down here waiting!" Audrey casually yelled up the stairs.
She turned towards the brothers; "They've been up there for hours."
Lucky and Nikolas turned to eachother, surprised and confused as to what could take them so long.
Emily walked down the stairs first. She wore a deep lavender gown with matching silver earrings and necklace. Her hair was up with a few curly tendrils loose and flowing to her shoulders.
"Wow!" Lucky exclaimed and she smiled shyly.
Emily yelled up the stairs, "Okay, Liz, we're all waiting!"
I started my decent down the stairs and sent up a silent prayer that I would not trip over my own feet. I held the train of my dress up with one hand as I made my way down the stairs. When I got to the bottom of the stairs and worked up the nerve to look up at Nikolas, he was beaming.
"You look beautiful." He said, simply.
I looked down at my gown, a deep blue with small silver rhinestones and offered, "Oh, this old thing?"
We all laughed and then he took my arm in his and led me out to the waiting limo.
* * * The benefit was held in the ballroom of the Port Charles Hotel. It was decorated in red, which reminded me of Valentine's Day. Nikolas, as if he could sense I was uncomfortable, gave me a reassuring squeeze.
All four of us sat at a table together that was directly beside the table where Stephan Cassidine and other patrons of General Hospital sat. He came over to say hello to Nikolas and looked at me briefly as if uninterested and went back to his seat. Nikolas excused himself from our table because he had to go behind the stage and wait to be announced. He was presenting a donation as well as introducing the host of the evening.
"Are you going to be okay?" He asked, worried.
"I'm fine." I said, despite the fact that it wasn't true. "Lucky and Em are here. Go, before you're late!"
With all the people around I knew that no one would hurt me in the open. And yet I got the feeling that someone was watching me. My skin was quickly gooseflesh despite the warm temperature.
"Are you feeling alright?" Emily asked, moments before the show was to begin.
"I'm okay." I said, lying again.
I turned to look around as if I could spot HIM in the crowd. That is when I noticed that Jason was there. He was sitting at a table with Sonny, a brunette, and a few men. One of the men I recognized as the bodyguard that stood outside Jason's penthouse. I wanted to get his attention some how but I noticed his eyes were drawn to the table where Emily's family sat.
Amongst the Quatermaine's I had already met, like Monica, Alan, and A.J. was a blond woman I immediately recognized from Jason's apartment. And in her arms was the beautiful little boy that I knew had to be Michael. Jason's eyes were fixated on the little boy and I felt it was not my place to intrude.
I turned back towards the stage just as Nikolas came on.
"Greetings Ladies and Gentleman. Tonight is a very special night for many of us. In case you're a newcomer, this night is dedicated to those whom are no longer with us. To those brave souls that fought with everything they had against a disease that claims thousands a year. I would like for us all to take a moment of silence to remember those that could not be here tonight."
The entire room was silent and still.
"Thank you. Tonight is not only about loss, tonight is about life. The proceeds of this event go towards research that may someday save lives. So tonight we celebrate life. Within the walls of this hospital, the staff deals with life and death everyday and this evening is important to many here. On behalf of General Hospital, as a patron, I would like to donate this check for $100,000 to the fight for a cure."
Everyone in the room clapped and applauded.
"And now, it is time to celebrate life. And here is the liveliest person I know, Lucy Coe."
* * *
I watched the various skits throughout the night and yet my mind was elsewhere. My mind was with Jason whom sat still in his seat watching as Michael was passed around from Quatermaine to Quartermaine. I could almost see the longing in his eyes for just one moment with the little boy. I wanted so much to do something but I did not know what.
Before the intermission of the show, a small brunette came up on stage and waited quietly for the attention of the room. And for the first time the entire evening, I saw Jason's eyes look towards the stage. But it was only momentary and then he was once again back to looking at Michael.
I heard Emily and Nikolas mumble something about how they were surprised she showed up. And suddenly I knew who she was. This was Robin, the girl that had betrayed Jason to A.J., the reason that Michael was no longer with Jason.
"My name is Robin Scorpio. I was diagnosed with HIV a few years ago. But that is not why I am here tonight. For someone in my condition, I am rather healthy. I am here to speak for those who are not as lucky as I am, for those whom are no longer with us. Many of us that are here tonight have been affected in someway by this deadly disease. But getting the diagnosis does not have to be a death-sentence. Tonight is about hope and living long and full lives. Thank you all for supporting this dream. Enjoy the rest of the show."
All four of us got up to linger amongst the crowd and greet those around us. I purposefully got separated from the group and found my way to the side of the stage just as she was getting down.
"Robin?" I called, getting her attention.
She looked at me quizzically, "Yes?"
"That was a beautiful speech. I'm sorry that hits so close to home."
"Thank you. It's okay, I'm okay . . . did you have a question?"
"I don't mean to be rude, and if this comes out that way, I'm sorry. I'm not usually one that walks up to a complete stranger . . . and I don't know why I chose now to start, but I need to tell you something and then I promise I will be out of your hair."
She looked at me, confused.
"There are some situations where honesty is not the best policy. Sometimes the truth can hurt those that you never wanted to hurt. And sometimes your motives for doing something may seem crystal clear but the outcome is disastrous."
"I'm confused." She offered.
I turned and pointed to Michael, "Do you realize all you've taken away from him?"
"A.J. had the right to know that Michael was his son. Every parent has that right."
"Should you be thinking of the well-being of the parent or the child?" I asked.
"Who are you to pass judgement on the situation?"
"Do you know how much Jason loves Michael? Did you bother to look in his eyes long enough to see the pain and heartache you inflicted? Did it even matter what you did to him? Nothing will ever take away that pain!"
"A.J. deserved to know! And I loved Jason. Who are you to speak for him?"
"I love him and it hurts me to see him in all this pain that I cannot take away."
It took a moment to register what I had said and another moment before I could get my feet moving away from Robin. And of all the people I could have run into, I ran into Jason.
I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know. But all I could see was Michael in his eyes and it made me wonder if there was room in his heart for me, or if it was still broken from Robin's final blow.
All I could conjure out, "Can we get out of here?"
* * *
I looked around briefly for Emily, feeling as if I explained to her she would understand. However, I knew that if I left unexpectently, Nikolas would not take offense because he knew I was squeamish and would easily forgive me. I did not want to abuse his compassion, and I was in part frightened by the crowd of strangers, but my main reason for leaving was so I could talk to Jason.
He put his hand on the small of my back and led me out.
"I'm surprised you came." He offered.
"Why?" I asked, even though I was sure of the answer.
"You told me that you don't like malls because of the crowd and this is bigger."
"That is one of the reasons I wanted to get away." I started.
"What's the other?" He asked after a moment of silence.
"I need to apologize to you."
He looked at me confused, "For what?"
"I spoke with Robin." I said, quickly, hoping it would be over with just as fast.
"That's your choice." He said, after a moment of reflection.
"I feel guilty about it."
"Why?"
"I saw you looking over at Michael the entire evening and saw how much pain was in your eyes. I wanted to do something, to erase that pain. . . You've done so much for me, helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. . ."
"You don't owe me anything." He offered.
"I do. I owe you everything. I walked over to Robin and blamed her, which I know was stupid and juvenile, but . . ."
Jason pulled me close to him and held me in his arms, "I know why you did it. Don't be mad at yourself."
With my head softly resting on his chest I barely spoke above a whisper, "But you don't . . ."
He looked down at me, his eyes connecting with mine.
" I love you. That's why."
His expression was blank for a moment, startled, as if he had never heard those words before. Then his eyes became the familiar ones I knew, but something changed. There was a light within them I had not seen before, or had not noticed.
He asked, "Do you know how I feel about you?"
My lips were frozen shut.
"Sonny gave me a family. Carly gave me friendship. Robin gave me faith. You give me all these things and so much more. . . . I don't have to think about business or Michael's custody battle when I'm with you because I feel safe with you. You're my home."
I couldn't help but smile. I couldn't help from inching closer to him and taking in his scent, his touch, and his essence. He leaned down and kissed my head through my hair. I looked up into his eyes and was sure that there was room in his heart for me, because I was already there.