The appointment was set for the very next day. In a way I was excited and hopeful that I would remember more information that could possibly lead to an arrest. But I was scared because for so long I had tried to block out what happened and the hypnotism will force me to face it head on.

Jason could tell by the look in my eyes that I was unsure.

"If you don't want to do this, it's fine. You don't have to."

"I need to." I said, sure of that but not sure if I would be able.

"If you want, I can come in with you."

I considered it, "One condition, and this is not negotiable. . . I don't want you to stop me if I get upset. I need to do this for myself, and for the next girl, because if I don't then I'm going to always wonder and blame myself."

"If that's what you want." He said.

We got off the elevator and slowly walked towards the nurse's station. Jason had his arm wrapped around me and it fit so perfectly that I wondered where it had been all my life.

A nurse looked up when we approached, "May I help you?"

"I'm here to see Doctor Jamiste. I'm Elizabeth Webber."

"I'll call the doctor to let her know that you're here. Please have a seat in the waiting area."

We walked over and sat down on the uncomfortable couches.

"Jason, please tell me this is the right thing to do." I instructed.

"It's the right thing to do." He repeated, with a slight smile.

"Seriously. Am I crazy to think that I will remember something I haven't before? I mean, I was there and conscious. How could I forget something important?"

He took hold of my hand, "You're not crazy, Elizabeth. But if you don't want to do this then we can just walk away."

"Ms. Webber? Dr. Jamiste is ready for you." The nurse interrupted.

"I need to." I answered and got up.

When we got to the room there was a chair for the doctor and a long couch.

"Hello Elizabeth." The doctor greeted me, shaking my hand.

"Hello." I said, nervously fidgeting.

"Please, have a seat." The doctor instructed.

I sat down on the long couch and Jason sat beside me. The doctor sat down across from us and began the speal:

"I need you to relax. Close your eyes and try to relax. Clear your head and just focus. I'm going to count back from ten and when I reach zero you will be in a constant state of relaxation. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One."

"Are you ready?"

I take hold of Jason's hand.

"Yes."

"Now, Elizabeth, I need you to imagine someplace you feel safe. Have you got your place?"

Jason's penthouse came to mind," Yes."

"Okay. Before we proceed, if at anytime you are uncomfortable then I want you to go back to this place. Okay?"

"Yes."

"If at any time the pain is too intense, or you feel as if you cannot go on, turn it down. We control this session and you control your emotions. If it becomes too intense, distance yourself. Imagine there are little knobs that you can use to tune out that which you don't want to feel."

"Okay."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I want you to think back to Valentine's Day. Tell me when you're there."

"I'm back."

"Where are you?"

"Kelly's."

"Why are you there?"

"I'm waiting for Lucky, we have a date and we agreed to meet here."

"Is he there with you?"

"No. He's late."

"How does that make you feel?"

"I think nothing of it, really. I just hope that nothing has happened to him."

"What happens when Lucky does come?"

"He tells me that his friend just had a fight with their significant other and he felt obligated to go cheer them up. He's apologizing for ditching me."

"How do you feel about your date being canceled?"

"I didn't mind really. I thought his friend needed him more then I did. But then he lets it slip that it's Sarah."

"What do you do?"

"I get defensive and run before I can start to say what I really think of the situation. I knew that I'd just regret it later, so I ran."

"Where did you go?"

"The park."

"Why there?"

"When my sister, my brother, and I would visit my grandmother here, she would always set aside a day to have a picnic in the park."

"How are you feeling?"

"Unwanted. Everyone always picks Sarah over me."

"What is happening around you?"

"Nothing. It's silent. Except for this twig . . . GET THE HELL OFF OF ME! GET OFF! HELP! PLEASE, SOMEONE HEAR ME!"

I squeeze Jason's hand.

He wants to help me. He wants to wake me up so I have no memory of that night. But he knows that it was my choice to come here. So he waits, despite what my screams are doing to his insides.

"Elizabeth, turn the pain down. Focus. You are in control."

" . . . he's got his hand over my mouth. I keep trying to scream but no one can hear. He's on top of me . . ." I start, then I begin to cry, "He's hurting me."

"Elizabeth, you can always go back to your safe place."

I continue crying and do not respond to the doctor. Jason watches in horror at my facial expressions. I grab at his hand harder and he tries harder to contain his worry for me and his inner rage at my attacker.

"Elizabeth. Try to look at him. Ignore what he is doing and look at him. Tell me about him."

"My eyes are closed. I don't want to see him. I don't want to . . ."

"Elizabeth, open your eyes."

**"DON'T SAY A WORD."**

"Elizabeth, you are in control. Not him. Open your eyes. Look."

"There's brown."

"Brown what?"

"Eyes. His eyes are brown. They're cold. His hair is the same color. It's sticking out of his cap."

"What's happening?"

"It's cold. My skin feels like ice against the snow. He won't stop. He's still hurting me."

"You are in control. Turn down the pain."

I start to cry again. And suddenly I see in my mind a flash. I'm not sure of what-just a flash of light and then it's gone.

"He's done. He's leaving me there. I can feel the blood on my body but . . ."

"What, but what?"

"I don't care about it. I just don't want to be here anymore."

"In the park?"

"I want to be dead. . . he's coming back."

"What do you . . ."

I cut her off, " It's not him. It's . . . I've seen him. He's calling for help. He's telling me it's going to be okay. He cares . . ."

"What happens next?"

"He lends me his hand, and I know, I don't know how, but I know, I can trust him. I'm safe with him."

"Okay, Elizabeth. I am going to count back from ten. When I am finished, you will be back in the present. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One."

I opened my eyes with a start and instantly turned towards Jason. My eyes met his crystal blue eyes. For a moment it was as if he had saved me all over again and I suddenly realized the true impact of what he had done for me.

"Do you remember everything?" The doctor asked.

I hesitantly turned away from his gaze and towards the doctor, "I remember."

The spicy smell of HIS soap entered my nostrils and I felt as if she might gag. I held Jason's hand tighter as we left the room.

"What is it?"

"I remember something . . . his soap . . . the smell of it."

We both knew, even though neither of us would dare say it aloud, that the smell of soap was not going to help the police attribute the crime to the guilty party. But I had remembered his eyes and the color of his hair. Perhaps if I look at the mug shots one more time I might make a connection.

"Are you okay?" He asked, characteristically Jason.

"No, I'm not. I don't think I am going to be until that creep is off the streets." I offered.

"Do you want to head down to the police station?" He asked, and I knew the sacrifice he was making for me. I knew that he didn't have the 'best' relationship with the police.

"You don't have to come." I offered, giving him an easy out.

But just as I knew he would, he answered, "I want to."

He wrapped an arm gingerly around my waist and guided towards the hospital elevators. We ignored the stares and the snickers and just revealed in the fact that we had eachother and that was all we needed.

* * * My hopes dwindled when we left the police station. None of the pictures sparked anything within me.

Jason tried to get my hopes up, "How about we go out to dinner tonight?"

I looked at him amazed, "GO OUT to eat dinner?"

"Yeah . . ." He started, looking at me questionably, "What is it?"

"I just didn't think that you were the going out to dinner type." I offered.

"If it will make you happy and forget about everything for one evening, then I'm willing to give it a try."

I knew immediately what to say, without even having to think it through first.

"Jason, I'd like to think I know you rather well. One thing that I am sure of is that you would do anything for me, and I appreciate that. But I don't want you to feel as if you HAVE to go out of your way to do something that you don't want to."

He smiled, "Maybe making you happy for one evening is not something I have to do, but something I want to do."

I blushed, "Jason . . ."

"Let me give you this one nice evening." He offered.

But I had a better idea, "I know something that would make me happy . . ."

* * * I had only been on his motorcycle once or twice before. But for some reason I was drawn to it. So that was my wish for that evening, and being Jason, he could do nothing but oblige.

From the back of the motorcycle, everything was different. The colors, the light, the dark, all blurred past as the wind rushed over us. And having my arms around Jason and knowing that he would do anything and everything to protect me made me feel invincible.

On the back of his motorcycle I let the wind wash over me and it felt as if it cleansed my soul. I would forget about my worries and my troubles and just hold on. I let the wind carry my worries away and we went so fast that they never caught up unless we came to a stop.

If only I could live my whole life from the back of Jason's motorcycle. But, unfortunately, you eventually run out of gas.