A/N: YAY! At last! High school is over and graduation is coming up fast!
One of my resolutions for the summer is to get all of this fic typed and
posted. Shouldn't be too hard. Cookies again to Rei for posting this for me!
You're the bestest ever!
Sapphira- I'm sorry if I'm losing you. I'll try to clear things up in the
next chapter or two. This chapter explains some of the points I'm trying to
make with this fic. Thanks so much for being honest! I hope you enjoy this!
Lady-Dragonknight- Wow! I'm on your favorites list? Thanks ever so much!
Please please keep reviewing! With the few reviews I have I've been getting
some great feed back and comments. Keep it up!
Disclaimer: Nope…I don't own anything from the Matrix or Matrix: Reloaded
(Though might I add that Reloaded was AWESOME and well worth the price of
admission, though I was a touch disappointed in the trailer for Revolutions…
Reloaded gave me lots of good ideas about portraying Smith.) Anyway, the
song lyrics are from the Faith Hill song "Breathe", which is another big
inspiration for this fic, and I don't own those. I also do not own Gone with
the Wind or Ghost or any characters from those movies. I do own Glitch
however. No using her without my permission.
Rating: R for VERY crass language. Glitch curses like a sailor in this one,
and in this situation I would too.
Well that's all…so without any further delay may I present Chapter 9 of A
Glitch in his Breathing…
Chapter IX: Breathe Through the Kiss
Fall into the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby isn't that the way that
Love is supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe…
******
Agent Smith showed up at 6 p.m. sharp as Glitch had come to expect. He was
dressed exactly as he had been before, in the same dark brown suit with the
same starched white shirt. His flesh colored earpiece was perched on the
curve of his ear and his square rimless glasses hid his blue eyes.
"Have a seat." Glitch invited, gesturing to a small brown couch that sat
before her 32 inch TV. "I'm just getting the popcorn."
Smith sat down stiffly on the couch as Glitch fetched the Tupperware bowl of
buttered popcorn from the kitchen. She flopped down unceremoniously beside
him, visibly jarring him and spilling a few pieces of popcorn. She propped
her tiny socked feet on the coffee table and placed the popcorn between
them. After taking a moment to fish the remote out from between the couch
cushions, she turned on the TV.
As the opening credits began to roll, Smith peeled his sunglasses off his
face and asked, "What will we be watching?"
"Well I nearly opted for Gone with the Wind, but I thought that it was a bit
too complicated, so I went with the movie Ghost." Glitch replied, talking
around a handful of popcorn she had just finished stuffing in her mouth.
"Why do you think it would be too complicated?" Smith asked, sounding rather
indignant.
"I meant no offense by it." Glitch said getting up from the couch and
closing the blinds of the window by the TV to keep the glare off the screen.
"Its just that the heroine of Gone With the Wind fakes loving so many men
its hard to tell who she's really in love with. Hell, I've seen the movie
some ten times and she still confuses me."
"Why does she do this?" Smith asked, with a touch of genuine curiosity.
Glitch plopped down on the couch again, spilling more popcorn and on Smith
this time. "Money. Status. Revenge." She answered nonchalantly. "There are
lots of reasons."
"Would you fake loving someone?" Smith asked pinning his cerulean gaze on
her.
Glitch raised her hand for silence. "Save your endless inquiries for after
the movie."
Smith turned to face the TV as the opening credits began to roll. He
complied with her wish for silence until the first kissing scene. He watched
intently as the man, Sam, took the woman sitting at the pottery wheel into
his arms as he kissed her. He turned his head to the side slightly, still
watching the screen and asked, "What is the purpose of this?"
Glitch sighed heavily and hit the pause button freezing the couple's lips
when they were only inches apart. "Gods, I knew this was coming…"
"What makes you say that?" Smith asked turning his gaze on her.
She ran her hand roughly through her dark hair. "Because I honestly don't
know how to explain it to you, Smith." She replied frankly.
"Why don't you?" He pressed. "If you do not know how, then can you show me?"
Glitch turned to face him. Her eyes had gone stagnant and blank, like they
had when Smith had asked about the rose in the restaurant. She licked her
lips after a moment and spoke, "Because I don¹t know. I never had anyone to
show me either."
Smith's brow knit with confusion. "You have said so yourself that you have
had romantic interests with which you have shared some intimacy. Was none of
this involved?" He gestured to the screen.
Glitch swallowed as though thinking about it put a bitter taste in her
mouth. "Yes it was."
"Then how can you not understand it?" Smith asked leaning a little closer to
her.
"The physical element was there, yes." She replied. "But in hindsight I can
see that all there was was just physicality. The emotional element was
missing."
"There can be one without the other?" Smith asked, the lines of his brow
deepening. "The physical without the emotional?"
"Yes." Glitch said, dropping her gaze her cheeks reddening.
"Then if there was emotion why does the memory pain you?" Smith asked moving
even closer to her.
Glitch's chest felt tight with frustration. "I can't fucking explain it to
you, Smith!" She half shouted, slamming her hands down on the couch and
pushing herself to her feet. "You don't understand. You won't understand.
You can't understand. Hell, I don't even understand."
"Why can't I?" Smith asked, his steely gaze following her as she walked to
the window. An edge of animosity was in his voice.
"You're a machine, Smith." She said in a tired sounding tone. "A computer.
Shit, I don't even know if you're even capable of fucking me much less
understanding why someone would want to. Computers don't have emotions so
how can I explain to you what one is or teach you how to feel it?"
"You can tell me why your memories pain you." Smith said.
Glitch turned to face him expecting to see a glint of sadism shining in his
eyes but she was surprised to see that he was looking at her with something
akin to sympathy in his gaze. She licked her lips carefully. "My memories
pain me because I am disgusted with myself."
"Because you feel as if you have been cheated by your own indecision and
naiveté." Smith continued for her.
Glitch was startled. Her mouth gaped open slightly as all the emotions she
had kept pent up inside her rushed into her face. "How did-" The tears that
filled her throat cut her off.
Smith smiled then as much as he could manage. It was a true smile even
though it only just bent the line of his mouth. "I may be a machine but the
term artificial intelligence means precisely that. Intelligence. I can
surmise from your words and actions why you think the way you do."
"So go be a psychiatrist." Glitch snapped a little nastier than she meant
to. "Why do you need me if you can figure all this out for yourself?"
"To be sure my assumptions are true." Smith replied, his smile fading a bit.
"They are aren't they?"
Glitch nodded. "Yeah I suppose. I've just never been able to put a finger on
it until now."
"If given the choice would you do it over again?" Smith asked.
Glitch opened the blinds and gazed out the window. "Yeah I think so." She
answered.
Smith frowned. "I don't understand. Why would you do it again if it caused
you so much emotional torment the first time?"
Glitch thought for a moment that Smith almost sounded concerned. She folded
her arms across her stomach as she replied. "I didn't know any better then.
I guess it all goes back to the human need for intimacy and contact. It
seems to rise above everything else."
"Unconditionally." Smith said softly. "Why do you not seek out someone to
share physical intimacy with? If the need is there, then why don't you meet it?"
"I told you already. I know now it makes my life too complicated." She
answered.
"But depriving yourself of what you need seems to as well." Smith countered.
"It leaves a hole. I can see it in your eyes."
That took Glitch by surprise. She turned to face him. Could he really read
her like that? "I just don't want to hurt like that again." She said
candidly. "That pain is worse than this."
"But if you found a way to relieve all the emotional hurt, would you?" Smith
asked, his eyes searching hers.
"If I could trust someone that much, yes I would," she answered looking
directly back at him. "But I can't do that. I won't let myself do that.
There's no one I trust that much."
"Then how can you show me the purpose behind physical intimacy?"
"You want the truth?"
"Always." came his reply, his face gone back to its unreadable mask.
"I can fake it." She answered flatly but honestly. "I've done it before and
I can do it again."
Something flashed through Smith's eyes then, perhaps some heated emotion but
it was gone so fast Glitch didn't have time to discern or speculate about
what it was. "You would really do that? Even though it makes you feel
cheap?"
"You don't love me," she countered harshly as she stalked around the couch.
"You can't love me, so what does it matter."
"You keep saying that." Smith said, his eyes following her. "But you have no
idea what I am capable of. You think that you're just selling yourself." His
voice seemed to shake with anger.
"Beats the alternative," She replied just as hotly.
"You keep saying that as well." He said, sounding as though he was fighting
with all he had to control his temper. "What's the alternative? Being
alone?"
"Going to jail." She corrected.
Smith stood shaking his head. "Some part of me doubts that." He said as he
pulled his sunglasses out of his pocket. "But until you can come to terms
with all your emotional hurts, I must be patient. I can't learn anything from
you right now aside from cynicism which I can assure you I am an expert at."
Smith slipped the dark lenses over his eyes. "I don't think that we will get
anywhere tonight, so if you will beg my pardon I need to go back to my headquarters."
Glitch gave one of her nonchalant shrugs, but the look in her charcoal eyes
did not match it. "Suit yourself."
"Do you think we might be able to have lunch tomorrow?" Smith asked as he
smoothed the lapels of his coat.
Glitch nodded. "I don't see why not." She said smiling sadly.
"I'll call you at around eleven then." He said. "Will you show me out?"
Glitch nodded again and went to open the door. As Smith stepped out she
grabbed him by the elbow. He turned his hard but handsome face towards her.
She licked her lips quickly before speaking. "I hope I didn't offend you by
anything I said." Both her face and her voice were equally pleading.
Smith's mouth curled again into his strange smile. "You only said what to
you was the truth."
Glitch looked up at him for a moment, trying to discern his expression. This
was as close to Smith as she had ever been. He smelled faintly of cleaning
solution, not of the metal or plastic Glitch had been expecting. Then for a
reason completely unknown to her she raised up on her toes and pressed her
lips to his. His lips were dry and still beneath hers.
She pulled away after only a second and looked apprehensively up into
his face. At that moment she would have sold her soul to have been able to
see through those dark glasses. She wanted to know what he was thinking. He
hadn't kissed her back.
Smith's tongue slid across his lips and then across his teeth like a cat
moving under bedcovers. He seemed at a loss for words.
"I'm sorry." Glitch whispered, backing away a few inches. "I'm…I'm rushing
things…I didn't mean to do that."
Smith took a long, slow breath before he spoke. "Good bye, Ms. Carter."
Glitch couldn't bring herself to say goodbye as she closed the door behind
him. When it was safely locked and barred, she slid slowly down the wall,
hugging her knees to her chest as she went. Much to her own amazement she
didn't cry.
******