AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ah, so soon, so soon. Hope you enjoy this chapter! (Note: the Deja-Vu is a move Kaley made up herself... it's kind of like a Twist Of Fate, but backwards. So I think she owns the move, lol.)
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"Now, in order to be a Mattitude Follower..." Matt was saying to a couple of ants who were squished onto the table he had set up on the sidewalk in downtown Wisconsin Dells when Lita drove up in her rental car.
"No luck with new recruits?" Lita asked as she climbed out of the car and opened the back door. "Guess who I brought for you, Matty."
"A new follower?"
"No."
"An old follower or someone who has believed for a long time?"
"Well, maybe. I'm not sure about that. But I did bring you Crash. I found him on the side of the road on the way here from the Kalahari. I knew he would cheer you up." Lita said smiling.
"Oh, it's just Crash. Wait. I know what I can have you do!" Matt shouted, "You can gather people for me to teach the Mattributes of a Mattitude Follower. When you are finished, you can learn from the master as well. It will work out great!"
"Oh... Sure. I'll do that." Crash replied, then ran off.
~*~
"Welcome to Hell! I'm sure your stupid self will enjoy it here. Myself and my associates," Satan said pausing in his welcome to HHH and Flair to look towards Kane and 'Taker, "Have GREAT plans for you." He finished.
"You're not gunna do shit to me, you dumbass!" HHH said spitefully.
"Oh, now I wonder how he got to come to hell." Satan said sarcastically then turned to Kane.
"The flames are ready." He said
"So is the electricutionary device." 'Taker said.
"Follow me, you two." Satan said motioning to Flair and Trips.
~*~
"Good shot, Jeff!" Kaley said encouragingly.
She whirled around in a circle then took her shot. They were almost to the end of their course, at hole 14. She squeaked and ran over to Jeff.
"OH MY GOD. Jeff... I think someone is following us," Kaley whispered urgently, "But not very well. He hasn't any tracking skills, the stupid golf course hobo!" She turned around and marched toward a bush with a puddle of water under it, Jeff following at a distance.
"Kaley, who are you talking about?" Jeff asked her cautiously.
"Jacob Lee Groskruetz!" She replied, nearing the hedges.
"What?" Jake said, popping out of the ground.
"Why are you stalking me, Jake?" Kaley demanded, grabbing his head in preparation for the Deja-Vu.
"Because I miss you and I want you to come back and give our relationship a chance!" Jacob whined.
"No Jake, you had your chance. I liked you, you didn't like me. You just kept avoiding me. Now it's too late!" Kaley said.
"Yeah, bitch, she's mine now and I can bet you anything she loves me more than she ever loved a mini-golf course hobo like yourself!" Jeff said, "So get out of her life!"
"B-b-but-" Jake said, starting to whine.
"Go away before I hurt you." Kaley said.
"You already did." Jake said sadly and walked away.
~*~
"Oh my God, what is that?" Jade said peering down at the 18th hole which had smears of blood all around it.
"Um.. it looks like Steven Richard's head is down there." Rey said disgustedly.
"Ok!" Jade said, then plopped Rey's golf ball down the drain that was smeared with blood as well.
Just then Victoria ran past with a bloody golf club. She stopped when she saw Rey and Jade examining the hole.
"Victoria, did you do this? And how in the hell did you escape your imprisonment in the women's locker room?" Jade said in a baby voice, like one talking to a small child.
She nodded shyly, not even answering the second question, then started going after Rey with the golf club.
"Holy SHIT!!" Jade shouted, "I'LL SAVE YOU REY REY!"
Just then Brock Lesnar popped out of nowhere and grabbed Victoria around the neck.
Jade came running up to Rey just as he sat on the ground with exertion.
"Are you ok?" Jade asked breathlessly.
"Yeah, she didn't get near me." Rey said watching Brock carry Victoria across the street towards the Devils Lake Dam.
"What's he going to do with her?" Jade asked.
"I'm not sure." Rey responded.
"Noooooo! You can't throw me in!" Victoria shouted then nailed him on the back of his head just as he began throwing her into the rushing water.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! HELP! I'M DROWNING!!!" Victoria shouted, swirling around in the water.
Just then the Hurricane swooped out of the air and plunked her out of the water.
"Now she's stuck in a tree and HURRICANE is drowning." Layce said laughing. She and RVD had just finished the first round of golfing.
"Where did he come from anyway?" Jade asked as he watched Hurricane swim to the dam's wall and begin climbing it.
"Dude, I guess the funeral is over." RVD said coming up behind Layce and scaring the shit out of her.
"Yeah, Steph seems pretty damn happy, for someone whose fiance just DIED." Rey said watching Steph run around happily, doing a dance of some strange variety.
Steph ran into Brock who was singing the Meow Mix commercial again.
"What do you think you are doing?" she asked him, then turned to the crowd watching him, "Who hit him over the head?"
"She did." The group said collectively, pointing towards the tree where Victoria now lay. By now the Hurricane was out of the dam, miraculously.
"Oh well, she can stay there and rot. It will be fun to watch." Stephanie said, then walked away.
"Did someone just say something about a tree?" Kaley asked coming from behind the group.
"AAHHHHH!! No! Bad memories! No more trees!" Trish screamed and started running around in an attempt to get the bad memories out of her mind.
"I like trees," Jeff said, "Let's go find one, Kaley."
"Ok, do you have the Skittles?" She asked.
"No," he said sadly, "I think we'll have to have skittle-less sex today."
"That's terrible!" Jade shouted, "Maybe you should go to a store and get some Skittles."
"Good plan!" Jeff responded, then ran off down the street with Kaley.
"Trish! You can stop running around now! They've gone and won't remind you any longer!" Bitchy yelled to Trish.
"Oh but they will! They'll be back! The madness will never end!" She shouted back at them.
Christian nudged Test. "She's beginning to sound like Victoria." He said.
"Maybe it rubbed off?" Test thought aloud.
"Rey, let's go play bumper boats!" Jade said pointing towards the small pool.
"Yeah, that'll be fun!" Rey responded.
"It's a good thing Flair's not here. He'd probably drown if he went within six feet of that bumper-boat pool..." Jericho said jeeringly.
~*~
"No please! You're going to kill me-"
"Shut up, Flair, you're already dead and buried-"
"But I am going to DROWN!"
"That just means you'll come back here and we'll start all over again!" 'Taker said, laughing evilly as he dripped the smallest drops of water possible onto Ric Flair's head.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! I am drowning! Please, please stop!" Flair screamed from his shackles.
"How's the electrocutionary device warming up, Kane?" 'Taker asked.
"Perfectly. It'll be ready any moment." He replied.
~*~ In another room in Hell ~*~
*ZAP* *ZAP*
Satan is zapping HHH with yet another electrocutionary device.
"Do you know what that was for?" Satan asked HHH.
"No... not really, you sum bitch!" HHH responded.
"HEY! SLOGAN INFRINGEMENT!" Stone Cold's voice said, coming out of no where.
"Damn, he's good... But not as good as the game!"
"Yeah, actually I think he's BETTER than the game," Satan said, "Stop talking to yourself."
*ZAP*
"When does this stop?" HHH asked.
"It never will. Each day you will be tortured more and more. Your life will literally be a living Hell! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Satan cried out happily.
Suddenly a low rumbling is heard and Hell blows up.
"Hey... I thought Hell was under Earth?" A random person named Jasmine asks Satan as he flies past her.
"No, it's on Earth, only on another reeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllmm!" Satan shouted as he flew past.
Flames flew all over the universe and hit all planets except Earth, which was protected from the mess by its ozone layer.
Before they were blown into oblivion, Kane and 'Taker appeared back in Ingraffias at the Kalahari and went to their separate rooms as if nothing had happened.
Scientists spotted two large comets in the sky shortly after the blast, which they were oblivious to, which they named after their research group. Little did they know... one was a once great Ric Flair and the other was a nose named Triple H.
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Hope you enjoyed this one! Will Jeff and Kaley find Skittles? You'll have to wait and see!
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"Now, in order to be a Mattitude Follower..." Matt was saying to a couple of ants who were squished onto the table he had set up on the sidewalk in downtown Wisconsin Dells when Lita drove up in her rental car.
"No luck with new recruits?" Lita asked as she climbed out of the car and opened the back door. "Guess who I brought for you, Matty."
"A new follower?"
"No."
"An old follower or someone who has believed for a long time?"
"Well, maybe. I'm not sure about that. But I did bring you Crash. I found him on the side of the road on the way here from the Kalahari. I knew he would cheer you up." Lita said smiling.
"Oh, it's just Crash. Wait. I know what I can have you do!" Matt shouted, "You can gather people for me to teach the Mattributes of a Mattitude Follower. When you are finished, you can learn from the master as well. It will work out great!"
"Oh... Sure. I'll do that." Crash replied, then ran off.
~*~
"Welcome to Hell! I'm sure your stupid self will enjoy it here. Myself and my associates," Satan said pausing in his welcome to HHH and Flair to look towards Kane and 'Taker, "Have GREAT plans for you." He finished.
"You're not gunna do shit to me, you dumbass!" HHH said spitefully.
"Oh, now I wonder how he got to come to hell." Satan said sarcastically then turned to Kane.
"The flames are ready." He said
"So is the electricutionary device." 'Taker said.
"Follow me, you two." Satan said motioning to Flair and Trips.
~*~
"Good shot, Jeff!" Kaley said encouragingly.
She whirled around in a circle then took her shot. They were almost to the end of their course, at hole 14. She squeaked and ran over to Jeff.
"OH MY GOD. Jeff... I think someone is following us," Kaley whispered urgently, "But not very well. He hasn't any tracking skills, the stupid golf course hobo!" She turned around and marched toward a bush with a puddle of water under it, Jeff following at a distance.
"Kaley, who are you talking about?" Jeff asked her cautiously.
"Jacob Lee Groskruetz!" She replied, nearing the hedges.
"What?" Jake said, popping out of the ground.
"Why are you stalking me, Jake?" Kaley demanded, grabbing his head in preparation for the Deja-Vu.
"Because I miss you and I want you to come back and give our relationship a chance!" Jacob whined.
"No Jake, you had your chance. I liked you, you didn't like me. You just kept avoiding me. Now it's too late!" Kaley said.
"Yeah, bitch, she's mine now and I can bet you anything she loves me more than she ever loved a mini-golf course hobo like yourself!" Jeff said, "So get out of her life!"
"B-b-but-" Jake said, starting to whine.
"Go away before I hurt you." Kaley said.
"You already did." Jake said sadly and walked away.
~*~
"Oh my God, what is that?" Jade said peering down at the 18th hole which had smears of blood all around it.
"Um.. it looks like Steven Richard's head is down there." Rey said disgustedly.
"Ok!" Jade said, then plopped Rey's golf ball down the drain that was smeared with blood as well.
Just then Victoria ran past with a bloody golf club. She stopped when she saw Rey and Jade examining the hole.
"Victoria, did you do this? And how in the hell did you escape your imprisonment in the women's locker room?" Jade said in a baby voice, like one talking to a small child.
She nodded shyly, not even answering the second question, then started going after Rey with the golf club.
"Holy SHIT!!" Jade shouted, "I'LL SAVE YOU REY REY!"
Just then Brock Lesnar popped out of nowhere and grabbed Victoria around the neck.
Jade came running up to Rey just as he sat on the ground with exertion.
"Are you ok?" Jade asked breathlessly.
"Yeah, she didn't get near me." Rey said watching Brock carry Victoria across the street towards the Devils Lake Dam.
"What's he going to do with her?" Jade asked.
"I'm not sure." Rey responded.
"Noooooo! You can't throw me in!" Victoria shouted then nailed him on the back of his head just as he began throwing her into the rushing water.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! HELP! I'M DROWNING!!!" Victoria shouted, swirling around in the water.
Just then the Hurricane swooped out of the air and plunked her out of the water.
"Now she's stuck in a tree and HURRICANE is drowning." Layce said laughing. She and RVD had just finished the first round of golfing.
"Where did he come from anyway?" Jade asked as he watched Hurricane swim to the dam's wall and begin climbing it.
"Dude, I guess the funeral is over." RVD said coming up behind Layce and scaring the shit out of her.
"Yeah, Steph seems pretty damn happy, for someone whose fiance just DIED." Rey said watching Steph run around happily, doing a dance of some strange variety.
Steph ran into Brock who was singing the Meow Mix commercial again.
"What do you think you are doing?" she asked him, then turned to the crowd watching him, "Who hit him over the head?"
"She did." The group said collectively, pointing towards the tree where Victoria now lay. By now the Hurricane was out of the dam, miraculously.
"Oh well, she can stay there and rot. It will be fun to watch." Stephanie said, then walked away.
"Did someone just say something about a tree?" Kaley asked coming from behind the group.
"AAHHHHH!! No! Bad memories! No more trees!" Trish screamed and started running around in an attempt to get the bad memories out of her mind.
"I like trees," Jeff said, "Let's go find one, Kaley."
"Ok, do you have the Skittles?" She asked.
"No," he said sadly, "I think we'll have to have skittle-less sex today."
"That's terrible!" Jade shouted, "Maybe you should go to a store and get some Skittles."
"Good plan!" Jeff responded, then ran off down the street with Kaley.
"Trish! You can stop running around now! They've gone and won't remind you any longer!" Bitchy yelled to Trish.
"Oh but they will! They'll be back! The madness will never end!" She shouted back at them.
Christian nudged Test. "She's beginning to sound like Victoria." He said.
"Maybe it rubbed off?" Test thought aloud.
"Rey, let's go play bumper boats!" Jade said pointing towards the small pool.
"Yeah, that'll be fun!" Rey responded.
"It's a good thing Flair's not here. He'd probably drown if he went within six feet of that bumper-boat pool..." Jericho said jeeringly.
~*~
"No please! You're going to kill me-"
"Shut up, Flair, you're already dead and buried-"
"But I am going to DROWN!"
"That just means you'll come back here and we'll start all over again!" 'Taker said, laughing evilly as he dripped the smallest drops of water possible onto Ric Flair's head.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! I am drowning! Please, please stop!" Flair screamed from his shackles.
"How's the electrocutionary device warming up, Kane?" 'Taker asked.
"Perfectly. It'll be ready any moment." He replied.
~*~ In another room in Hell ~*~
*ZAP* *ZAP*
Satan is zapping HHH with yet another electrocutionary device.
"Do you know what that was for?" Satan asked HHH.
"No... not really, you sum bitch!" HHH responded.
"HEY! SLOGAN INFRINGEMENT!" Stone Cold's voice said, coming out of no where.
"Damn, he's good... But not as good as the game!"
"Yeah, actually I think he's BETTER than the game," Satan said, "Stop talking to yourself."
*ZAP*
"When does this stop?" HHH asked.
"It never will. Each day you will be tortured more and more. Your life will literally be a living Hell! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Satan cried out happily.
Suddenly a low rumbling is heard and Hell blows up.
"Hey... I thought Hell was under Earth?" A random person named Jasmine asks Satan as he flies past her.
"No, it's on Earth, only on another reeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllmm!" Satan shouted as he flew past.
Flames flew all over the universe and hit all planets except Earth, which was protected from the mess by its ozone layer.
Before they were blown into oblivion, Kane and 'Taker appeared back in Ingraffias at the Kalahari and went to their separate rooms as if nothing had happened.
Scientists spotted two large comets in the sky shortly after the blast, which they were oblivious to, which they named after their research group. Little did they know... one was a once great Ric Flair and the other was a nose named Triple H.
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Hope you enjoyed this one! Will Jeff and Kaley find Skittles? You'll have to wait and see!