You think you know
But you're mistaken
You think it's simple
But you're mistaken
You think I don't love you
But you're mistaken
Once again Vanyel wished he could just end it all– But he couldn't take pain. And what if he did it wrong? No, suicide was to risky. There had to be another option. Had to be another way to keep himself from getting hurt again. If only he could live with only Star for company. She'd never hurt him. Blindly blinking back tears he noticed a bottle of wine in front of him. He detested the stuff. But– it might just dull the pain in his heart. Not eliminate it. What could eliminate the pain of Tylendel's contempt for him? Throwing his head back he drank deeply from the bottle.
****
"Vanyel?" Tylendel looked worried. "Vanyel-ashke, listen to me. Don't leave me. Please, I'm not strong enough to go on without you."
What was he talking about? And what had he called him? Ashke? What did that mean?
Tylendel hovered over him, handsome face concerned. "Hold on love, I'm here now,"
Suddenly he faded, and was replaced by the face of an older man, long silver hair and feathers in his hair. "Vanyel, wingbrother, don't give in. Don't let it possess you. Don't leave us." Who was he? What was he talking about? Suddenly he was floating, swimming in a sea of sapphire blue :don't fear your emotions Vanyel, don't hide, you're destroying the most precious thing about you:
****
Whoa, talk about a weird dream. With a sigh he glared at the wine bottle. Lot of good that had done, giving him both a hangover and making him dream about Tylendel. He chocked back a sob at the thought of the other boy. Damn, he wanted to forget him, to not care how he felt. But he couldn't. And what was with all the bad advice? 'Don't leave us,' people only said that about death, what was so bad about death? Didn't people realize how peaceful death was? 'Don't fear your emotions? Don't hide?' Oh yes, that was a wonderful idea. Just expose yourself and let everyone cut you to pieces. Lovely. Nope. No more alcohol for Vanyel. Obviously that stuff messed with your mind.
****
"I'm very disappointed with you, skipping class. Your father sent you here to get an education, and that's what you're going to get! What were you thinking? Why did you skip class? What did you have to do that you couldn't do in your spare time?"
"Just go ahead and punish me already." Vanyel told her in a bored voice. Damn would anyone in his life not lecture him? Well, see how much he cared, nope, no more caring for Vanyel.
Savil was furious, "Oh? Think quickly, why did you skip class? I'll tell you your punishment when you answer my question."
Vanyel shrugged, "Didn't feel like going." Like I'm going to tell you, no, even if you were Lissa, how do I explain I was sitting in the garden daydreaming about Tylendel and completely forgot about class? No more though, I won't let emotion weaken me.
"Ah, is that all? Well for the next month you won't 'feel' like going anywhere other than class." That'll wipe the smug expression off his face Savil thought to herself.
"Sure, can I go to my room now Aunt?"
"Go ahead." Her voice was terse as she suppressed her anger. But Vanyel seemed not to notice as he turned and strode towards his room. Tylendel rushed out of his room, late for a class, and smacked right into him. They fell together, Tylendel on top.
"Sorry!" He gasped immediately, scrambling up and offering a hand to Vanyel who, ignoring it, rose gracefully to his feet, "No problem" he assured him calmly, and entered his room.
Savil shook her head at the unconscious flash of pain in Tylendel's eyes when Vanyel ignored his hand. How could the boy be so cold?