Chapter 5
~~~
iIf you think that I don't love you, you're just wrong
And that don't matter now anyway
I couldn't bear to see you up there with a white dress on.../i
~~~
b"Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?"
"No, not really," Laughter.
"Really? Well, you're beautiful. You're beyond beautiful."
"You are too."
"Really?"
"Really."
"You're amazing, and I want you to know something, and it's really important-"
"Before you say that...let me tell you this. I love you. I can confide in you, and the best thing is, I know I can always trust you. Isn't that wonderful?"
"...yeah, it is..."/b
------------------
The sun has been coming out earlier and earlier it seems. It wakes me up every morning, right before my alarmclock goes off. I get out of bed, and morning routine comes into play. Bathroom, teeth, shower, get dressed, cereal or if I feel up to it, eggs for breakfast. Catch the news, feed the dog, leave. Traffic, radio, oh, and suddenly I'm there. Everday is the same. Over and over and over. If someone told me when I was 17 that my life would have become a monotonous routine when I was at the age of 38, I still wasn't married, and lost the person who I loved because of my stupid mouth, I wouldn't have believed them.
Stupid mouth...thats all it was. A slip of the tongue. But that's not true, and I havn't even begun to believe that shit. I lost you. Me. Not him, nor she. Not someone else. It was me. What I did almost five years ago, I can't take back. When I had to pull that trigger...when I killed that person...and covered it up to you, making you believe you father had turned his back on you. When I killed her, point blank, I wished I hadn't. And when the Agency told me what Jack and I had to do so you would think that this wasn't planned, that we didn't plot this horrible assignment, I thought I would break. I was on the edge looking over, wondering "Should I dive in? Feet first? Head first?" but then I thought of you.
Jack and I...he hated this as much as I did. But you have to understand, it was all for you. All of it. If you'd have given me the chance to explain all of this, maybe it would have made more sense.
But at the same time...me, killing you mother. When would that ever make sense?
-------
So I think about all this. I think about this at work, when I sleep, when I eat, shower, even walk the damn dog. I can't get the visual picture of you leaving, the mascara streaking your face, your eyes red, your face in disbelief. I can't get the image of your mother, perplexed but accepting when I shot her dead.
I'm alone, and yes, it's my fault. You've moved on, and happier now. Me showing up...I don't want to have these akward glances at eachother, I don't want to make you feel bad on your wedding day.
----
~~~~
i...Here's my vow to you
I'll stay away/i
~~~~~
----
One lamp was on. There wasn't any noise in the house. A man and a woman sat in a bed, she looking intently at him. Staring into his green eyes, feeling as if she was completely safe in the house.
The man, who began to feel everything he had drempt about: love, happiness, wholeness, knew something was wrong with this. Inside he had a burning desire, a feeling so strong, he was amazed that he was able to sit to calmly with this woman.
This feeling inside was betrailment.
Slowly the words came out, one by one. He didn't even know what he was saying. Didn't even know he was shaking. Everything went by in a blur. Her eyes. They grew large.
His eyes filled up with tears.
Her face changed. Anger made it's way inside her. Her hand made it's way to his face. Her mouth spat out words of hatred. His of disbelief.
She got up, grabbed her belongings, said her final words and left.
And all the man could do was sit in his room alone. With only a lamp providing him warmth from the sudden coldness he suddenly felt.
----
~~~
iOld friendships fade away, love falls apart
And you've not spent a single day outside my heart/i
~~~
----
Michael Vaughn lies in bed on that day. It's a beautiful Saturday in May, and in a church somewhere near Washington,D.C. Sydney Bristow will soon become Mrs.Sydney Anne McKay. Her hair is long, in curls, her dress is white with rose petals in the skirt.
Her friend, Nicole from work, comes in, her violet bridesmaid dress on, and tells her, "It's almost time! How are you feeling?!"
Inside she feels nervous. Unbelievably nervous. She wonders how her fiance feels...does he feel the same was as me? She thinks about what she's going to say, since she wrote and memorized her vows.
And inside, hidden deep inside of her, she wonders if he's here. If he has shown up. Because for four years she has been wanting to see him, apologize to him, and has never gotten the nerve to take back what she has said and how she left. She hasn't been able to leave her new, more comfortable life in D.C. yet inside she misses him. And inside she wonders if it right to miss this man, when she's about to commit her life to another.
And then its time.
And then she knows, and a small, silent tear makes its way down her cheek.
------
iBut, there's just one more dream that I have left for you
I hope you're smiling when he turns around and says I do
I do...
I do.../i
-----
~~~
iIf you think that I don't love you, you're just wrong
And that don't matter now anyway
I couldn't bear to see you up there with a white dress on.../i
~~~
b"Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?"
"No, not really," Laughter.
"Really? Well, you're beautiful. You're beyond beautiful."
"You are too."
"Really?"
"Really."
"You're amazing, and I want you to know something, and it's really important-"
"Before you say that...let me tell you this. I love you. I can confide in you, and the best thing is, I know I can always trust you. Isn't that wonderful?"
"...yeah, it is..."/b
------------------
The sun has been coming out earlier and earlier it seems. It wakes me up every morning, right before my alarmclock goes off. I get out of bed, and morning routine comes into play. Bathroom, teeth, shower, get dressed, cereal or if I feel up to it, eggs for breakfast. Catch the news, feed the dog, leave. Traffic, radio, oh, and suddenly I'm there. Everday is the same. Over and over and over. If someone told me when I was 17 that my life would have become a monotonous routine when I was at the age of 38, I still wasn't married, and lost the person who I loved because of my stupid mouth, I wouldn't have believed them.
Stupid mouth...thats all it was. A slip of the tongue. But that's not true, and I havn't even begun to believe that shit. I lost you. Me. Not him, nor she. Not someone else. It was me. What I did almost five years ago, I can't take back. When I had to pull that trigger...when I killed that person...and covered it up to you, making you believe you father had turned his back on you. When I killed her, point blank, I wished I hadn't. And when the Agency told me what Jack and I had to do so you would think that this wasn't planned, that we didn't plot this horrible assignment, I thought I would break. I was on the edge looking over, wondering "Should I dive in? Feet first? Head first?" but then I thought of you.
Jack and I...he hated this as much as I did. But you have to understand, it was all for you. All of it. If you'd have given me the chance to explain all of this, maybe it would have made more sense.
But at the same time...me, killing you mother. When would that ever make sense?
-------
So I think about all this. I think about this at work, when I sleep, when I eat, shower, even walk the damn dog. I can't get the visual picture of you leaving, the mascara streaking your face, your eyes red, your face in disbelief. I can't get the image of your mother, perplexed but accepting when I shot her dead.
I'm alone, and yes, it's my fault. You've moved on, and happier now. Me showing up...I don't want to have these akward glances at eachother, I don't want to make you feel bad on your wedding day.
----
~~~~
i...Here's my vow to you
I'll stay away/i
~~~~~
----
One lamp was on. There wasn't any noise in the house. A man and a woman sat in a bed, she looking intently at him. Staring into his green eyes, feeling as if she was completely safe in the house.
The man, who began to feel everything he had drempt about: love, happiness, wholeness, knew something was wrong with this. Inside he had a burning desire, a feeling so strong, he was amazed that he was able to sit to calmly with this woman.
This feeling inside was betrailment.
Slowly the words came out, one by one. He didn't even know what he was saying. Didn't even know he was shaking. Everything went by in a blur. Her eyes. They grew large.
His eyes filled up with tears.
Her face changed. Anger made it's way inside her. Her hand made it's way to his face. Her mouth spat out words of hatred. His of disbelief.
She got up, grabbed her belongings, said her final words and left.
And all the man could do was sit in his room alone. With only a lamp providing him warmth from the sudden coldness he suddenly felt.
----
~~~
iOld friendships fade away, love falls apart
And you've not spent a single day outside my heart/i
~~~
----
Michael Vaughn lies in bed on that day. It's a beautiful Saturday in May, and in a church somewhere near Washington,D.C. Sydney Bristow will soon become Mrs.Sydney Anne McKay. Her hair is long, in curls, her dress is white with rose petals in the skirt.
Her friend, Nicole from work, comes in, her violet bridesmaid dress on, and tells her, "It's almost time! How are you feeling?!"
Inside she feels nervous. Unbelievably nervous. She wonders how her fiance feels...does he feel the same was as me? She thinks about what she's going to say, since she wrote and memorized her vows.
And inside, hidden deep inside of her, she wonders if he's here. If he has shown up. Because for four years she has been wanting to see him, apologize to him, and has never gotten the nerve to take back what she has said and how she left. She hasn't been able to leave her new, more comfortable life in D.C. yet inside she misses him. And inside she wonders if it right to miss this man, when she's about to commit her life to another.
And then its time.
And then she knows, and a small, silent tear makes its way down her cheek.
------
iBut, there's just one more dream that I have left for you
I hope you're smiling when he turns around and says I do
I do...
I do.../i
-----