Author's note: Thanks for reviewing, y'all. Again, I have to say, keep an open mind while reading this chapter. I love S&S together, I think they're so cute, but you'll just have to see what happens with them in my fic. ;)
I apologise for neglecting a few storylines- Juliette visiting home, Adrian, etc. They'll come into play more over the next few chapters.
Thanks, again. Now, onto the chapter....
Scott didn't make it back to his detention room in a while, unable to tear his thoughts away from Shelby. He couldn't make sense of it.
As far as he had known, up until today, things were perfect. He had promised her a future with him, he was following his heart, they would be getting out of Horizon in mere months, and it would all work out. But somehow, something had happened, taken place, so that what they had no longer was.
He knew she wasn't telling him the entire story. She couldn't be, he thought. Something had to have taken place, something that he was unaware of. Did she want to drive him away?
It seemed everyone wanted him to pursue football instead of staying with Shelby. His dad had phoned him up trying to persuade him to leave, he'd had a long talk with Peter, even Shelby, now, it seemed, wanted him to be elsewhere, anywhere but here.
He couldn't make sense of it. Had he done something? What had happened so that she now felt downright cold towards him? He didn't get it.
He didn't know what to do now. Didn't have an inkling of a clue. Shelby was pushing him away, and meanwhile, he had turned down a second shot at a football scholarship for her? What had happened?
The truth was, he didn't care a bit about the scholarship. He only cared about Shelby. When he couldn't make sense of things, she could. When there was no else there, she was. When he couldn't tell anyone else, couldn't trust anyone else, he could tell her, he could trust her.
He couldn't say the same about football.
She was his confidant, his love, his one true love. What the hell had happened? Where had he gone wrong?
It was tearing him up inside, he didn't know what to do. This was the worst possible thing that he could imagine- Shelby not loving him anymore. And lo, and behold, it was a reality. He couldn't imagine life without Shelby, without that cynical humour of hers that he'd come to love, that knowing smile. They'd shared so much history, the highest highs, lowest lows, and suddenly, it all meant nothing.
Now he sat in detention room, a pile of work before him lay untouched. He couldn't think straight, let alone work. Shelby consumed his thoughts.
He couldn't take it any longer.
He rose from his seat, which prompted the detention teacher to question what he was doing. He didn't bother answering, the teacher didn't matter. Only Shelby mattered.
In his mind, if he didn't have Shelby, he didn't have anything.
He left the detention room, closing the door behind him, and ran out of the building, all the while, the detention teacher was pursuing him. Scott didn't have her permission to leave.
Scott found himself outside on the grassy field, and ran towards the Cliffhanger girl's dorm.
It had been a few hours since his confrontation with Shelby, but it wasn't enough to convince him that it was all over. It couldn't be, he refused to abandon hope. Of everything, he was most faithful in his love for Shelby. It couldn't be over.
It couldn't be over, he repeated over and over in his head. He would deteriorate without her, and was well aware of it.
Scott knocked at the door of the Cliffhanger girl's dorm, and Kat opened it. Scott could discern his detention teacher running after him, but he didn't care.
"I need to talk with Shelby," he told Kat.
Kat turned around. "Shel?" she said, "Someone needs to talk with you."
Scott stepped through the door, and closed the door behind him. Nearly all of the Cliffhanger girls were there, but it didn't matter.
Shelby raised her eyes when she heard her name, but was distraught to see that it was Scott. He still hasn't given up, she noted. "Go away Scott," she said. He was only making it more painful, on her, and on him. She couldn't be with him, no matter how much she so desperately wanted to. He had to go on and live his life.
"Why?" he demanded to know, drawing closer to her.
"I don't love you!" Shelby practically shouted. "Don't you get it?!"
Kat's jaw dropped when she heard this. Was this really happening? She turned to Daisy, who was beside her. "Did she just say what I think she said?" Kat asked her. "There's no way she means that," she added, shaking her head.
Daisy shook her head grimly. "I guess she's made her decision," she muttered to herself.
"No, I don't!" Scott exclaimed. "One day you love me, the next you don't!" He neared her, where she laid on her bunk. He sat on the edge of the adjacent bunk so that he'd be facing her, and lowered his voice as he continued. "Tell me," he said.
Kat and Daisy merely watched, unable to move, let alone tear their eyes away from the scene unfolding before them.
"What? Tell you what?" Shelby demanded.
Scott locked his gaze with hers. "Why."
"Why? Why I don't love you?" Shelby shouted. She momentarily paused, racking her brain. How could she answer? "Because people change, situations change!"
"That's it? That's your excuse?" Scott questioned. His voice was just above a whisper. "Shelby, did I do something?"
Shelby's voice, in contrast, was hard and cold. Where she had been emotional in their first confrontation on the subject, she was now hardened, saddened, now angry. Angry at Peter, at Scott's dad, at the world. Angry that fate had made it clear that it wasn't meant to be. "You were just being yourself, but that's enough to push me away."
She could discern the pain on Scott's face as the words slipped from her mouth. He rose. He had tried to be understanding and patient, but his patience, and his heart had limits to how much he could bear. "Shelby!" he exclaimed. "What's going on?!"
Shelby rose from her bunk as well. "I don't love you! I don't love you!" she screamed. The words were hoarse and strained as she screamed them. To actually scream those words, to Scott.. inflicted physical hurt.
Scott closed his eyes. This isn't happening, he tried to convince himself. Her words burned into his mind, and the limits on his patience and heart with Shelby had been reached. He had tried. But he still didn't understand, didn't learn anything more. The words kept repeating themselves in his mind, and he felt like he was going to go insane. Unable to bear it any longer, he fled from the scene, from the dorm, to find the detention teacher awaiting him outside the dorm.
Shelby had seen the pain on his face, he was in anguish, anguish that probably rivalled her own. But she had to do this, she reminded herself. She opened the door, watching him with his back to her, leaving. "I don't love you!" Shelby called after him.
Scott didn't turn around, he couldn't.
Kat and Daisy merely watched as Scott had left, and Shelby broke down, erupting in a fit of tears.
Kat had watched it take place, thoroughly baffled, she had seen the pain on Scott's face. She looked at Shelby now in disgust. Shelby was crying hysterically, contradicting everything she had just told Scott. Kat couldn't stand for it, and took after Scott.
"Scott!" she called after him, running to catch up. He didn't even glance to who was calling his name, Kat noted. He was accompanied by the detention teacher, but Kat felt he needed to hear what she had to say.
"What are you doing?" Kat asked him.
He turned to her suddenly, abruptly, and his expression scared her. There were tears welling in his eyes, and his face had taken on a hard look. Pain lined his face. He was angry, confused and saddened all at the same time, juggling the emotions. "What does it look like I'm doing?" he demanded, his voice raised. "I'm obviously wasting my time here."
Kat held his gaze. "There's no way that she meant what she said."
Scott responded through clenched teeth. "Well, she must have, because she said it."
"Scott," Kat addressed him. "I don't know what's gotten into Shelby." Seeing that she hadn't garnered a response, she added, "Scott, it'll work out, it's going to be okay."
Scott halted. "No, it won't," he said, coming to the realization at that moment. "The one person I love, I gave up my future for.. Suddenly decides she doesn't give a crap about me. It's not going to be okay. I tried, Kat."
"So you're giving up?"
Scott shrugged helplessly. "It doesn't look like I can do anything.." he said.
The detention teacher interrupted them, finally. "Scott, this all sounds interesting, but may I remind you that you're on shuns?"
Kat departed from their company, heading back towards the girl's dorm.
Kat re-entered the girls dorm, her eyes fixed on Shelby as she stepped inside.
"Shelby?" she began.
Shelby's eyes met Kat's. "Leave me the hell alone," she declared, curling up into a ball.
"Shelby, you've pushed him away, and you'll be pretty lucky if he comes back to you after that," Kat stated.
"You don't know," Shelby answered bitterly, tears in her eyes. "Get out of my damn business, Kat. You don't know. You don't have a clue how much I love him."
A confounded look came over her face. "Then why don't you tell him that?!"
"I can't!" Shelby exclaimed. "Dammit, I can't."
Kat merely shook her head. "Shelby, you're scaring me."
It was 7:00pm.
Scott was allowed to get back to his dorm before the next group session, and he did just that. He entered the dorm with sad eyes, and a beaten down expression, Shelby's words still weighing heavily on his mind. It was all he could think about, and he wasn't sure if he still had his sanity. Auggie was draped over his own bunk, tossing the basketball to himself and catching it idly. Ezra was writing in a notebook, lying on his own bunk. Strangely enough, Adrian was nowhere to be found.
It was unusually quiet when Scott arrived.
Auggie passed him the basketball, and he caught it easily. "Life sucks, you know that, muchacho?" Scott said as he tossed the ball back to his friend.
"Well aware, home," Auggie replied, catching the basketball. "It's so boring around here without my girl Jules."
Scott fell, slumped, onto his own bunk. "Shelby hates my guts."
"Yeah, why?" Auggie asked curiously.
"No clue."
Auggie chuckled. "Women. A hard bunch to figure out."
Ezra momentarily tore his attention away from his writing. "Well, aren't we all a bunch of happy campers?" he noted.
"That's right EZ," Auggie replied. "And where's Adrian? He'd love to mope with us."
Scott cracked a smile. "Yeah, he's been complaining like hell ever since Erika left."
Auggie bounced the basketball on the dorm room floor. "Man, he *still* has that picture of her out," he said, indicating the drawn portrait, laid out on Adrian's night stand.
Scott laughed. "Yeah, I know," he said. "It's unbelievable."
A moment of silence ensued, each consumed by their own thoughts.
It was interrupted by a heavy sigh from Scott. "Life sucks," he stated. To himself, he muttered, "I can't believe it."
Auggie continued dribbling the basketball. "Wonder what Jules is doing now?"
"Well, it's 7:00, after supper," Scott remarked, turning to Auggie. "She's probably barfing."
"Home! Don't diss my girl."
"Sorry man," Scott said distantly. His thoughts inevitably drifted to the group session, that would take place in mere minutes.
Shelby could feel his gaze on her. The chairs were arranged in a circle, and Scott was seated across from her. She wanted to lift her gaze to meet his, desperately. She wanted to look in his eyes, and stay in his arms forever so badly, so helplessly it was almost pathetic. This was the state she was in, consumed by fantasy, but gripped with cruel reality. She had to restrain from welling up in tears right there. This may be the last time she saw him, and was well aware of it, helplessly aware of it. Kat had been right when she said that Scott wouldn't keep coming back to her after all she'd done, all she'd said.. All lies. Every word of it lies. She loved him more than the world, and that she couldn't tell him that, tell him she loved him infinitely was killing her.
Her body was weak. It was incredibly draining to maintain a charade, and for her sake, she hoped it would all soon end. Her heart was deteriorating irreparably, every time she uttered those words. Those damn words.
"Hello group," Peter announced finally. "Anyone have anything they'd like to address before we begin?"
Shelby prayed that Scott wouldn't speak up.
"Yeah. I do."
Shelby closed her eyes. Sure enough, it was Scott's voice. She understood why he would, he did love her, after all, and he refused to abandon hope. He was the kind of person who followed his heart above all else. She could understand his reasoning, although it pained her.
She wasn't sure she'd have a heart left, after he was done with it.
"Alright," Peter said.
"There's this girl who I love so much," Scott began, "but she doesn't love me. She loved me yesterday, but not today."
Everyone's eyes drifted to Shelby, who sat wordlessly, staring blankly ahead. That sword wedged in her heart, he twisted. Unknowingly, but nonetheless, he twisted the sword in her heart. He added to the pain to that her heart already carried.
Her heart heavy, she tried to be strong.
"Scott, what are you doing?" she asked him. She had tried to make her voice sound hardened, but she couldn't be sure how the words had come out. She could only hope that it was convincing.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" he questioned. "You still haven't explained it to me."
"There's nothing to explain," Shelby replied stolidly.
"I think there is," Scott insisted. He looked directly at Shelby, his emotive eyes piercing hers. "This is tearing me up inside, Shel. Tell me the truth. I deserve that much."
"The truth is.." Shelby began.
In her mind, she would have liked to reply, 'that I love you more than the world, that this is a charade that Peter and your dad helped organize because they don't realize how much I love you, how much we need each other. I love you so much, and the worst thing I've ever done, and will ever do, is that I made you believe otherwise.'
But the words that came out of her mouth were far different. "The truth is.. that I don't love you." She added, as an afterthought, "Get over it."
Scott rose from his seat, and despite Peter's urging to sit back down, didn't listen to him. He barely even heard him. As far as Scott was concerned, there was only Shelby.
"Why?!" Scott said, raising his voice. "Tell me why! I deserve to know why!"
Shelby didn't answer him, merely staring ahead blankly, frustrating Scott further.
"Shel."
"I don't love you."
Peter watched this intently. "And how does this make you feel, Scott?"
Shelby glanced towards him headmaster momentarily, before fixing his gaze on Shelby again. "Man, it's the worst thing in the world. Why? Answer me, please!"
Again, she didn't answer.
"Shelby?" Scott pleaded.
Still no response.
"What are you trying to do to me?"
Shelby met his gaze, finally. She saw his pleading eyes, full of desperate determination. This was killing him too, she knew. "Don't make this any harder than it is.."
Amber was growing bored with it all. "C'mon Scott, she doesn't love you. Accept it, already."
Scott ignored her. "Shelby.. You don't mean that."
"I do."
Scott slowly slumped back into his seat. He looked down at his hands, as he tried make sense of it all. He transferred his gaze to Shelby. "Shelby, I love you."
Almost mechanically, Shelby replied, "I don't love you."
Scott's gaze didn't waver from her, unaware of the rest of the group watching, transfixed. "What do you want from me?"
Shelby breathed deeply. She wasn't sure just how much longer she could keep up this charade. "Nothing. That's what I want from you- nothing."
Scott locked his gaze with Shelby's. But he could no longer bear it. He stood, and impulsively reached for his own wooden chair, consumed by frustration and confusion, and anger. He smashed it against the floor of the dorm, outside of the group circle. Just as quickly, he was gone.
Shelby could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she watched Scott's angry display. She watched as the fragments of the wooden chair spread across the floor. She was hurting him. A single tear rolled down her cheek. Unwilling to be so vulnerable with her emotions in front of the group, she, also, fled from the room.
Scott reached the boy's dorm, slamming the door behind him when he had entered.
He could no longer bear it.
Scott slumped onto his bunk.
Shelby's words tore into him, and were eating him alive. He didn't know what to do with himself, with the situation with Shelby, with anything. He was merely existing, with no grasp on his own life.
Shelby. If only she knew what she was doing to him. She was his world, and he wanted it to be that way forever.
What was she doing? He didn't understand in the least, couldn't make any sense of it at all. What could have possibly triggered the sudden change of feelings?
It had to be something huge, whatever it was, Scott decided.
Scott put his head in his hands, and he found tears leaking from his eyes. Why didn't she love him?
Shelby was his world, he cared more about her than anything. He'd dodge a bullet for her. He'd go to the very end of the earth for her. She was his world. And since she decided that she didn't love him anymore, it was about the equivalent of the end of the world.
And to think, he was passing up his future to be with her. She didn't even love him.
His head snapped up.
He'd come to the realization that he didn't have to stay here, if the opportunity he'd been presented with still stood. He realized it probably did.
Could he really? He pondered it. If he left, he'd probably never see Shelby again.
But then again, Scott thought, she probably doesn't want to see me again.
But despite the reality of their present situation, Scott couldn't help but remember the good memories. Memories of skipping class to spend time with her, and tell her he wanted to spend forever with her. Memories of coming back to her at the morp, and twirling her around. Coming to the realization he didn't want to live without her.
They were long gone, barely discernable in the distance, but he knew he'd never forget her. She was the one for him, there could never be anyone else.
But evidently, she didn't think so.
Scott pulled himself off of his bunk, and began collecting his things, shoving them into a duffle bag.
He looked around. So many memories here. Was he really willing to leave it all behind?
He decided that he was.
Moments later, Scott still packing his things, Auggie entered the dorm. "Yo home," Auggie began, "what are ya doing?"
"I can't take it," Scott replied, stuffing a sweater into the duffle bag, "I don't understand it, and I can't take it."
"So what now, you running away?"
Scott zipped up the bag. "I've got another way out," he replied.