Disclaimer: I do not own IZ, or anything by Staind.
AN: I just keep coming out with songfics, don't I? Ah well, it's something to do till I get some real ideas. Oh yeah, I had to change one lyric so that it'd fit the story better, and if I got anything wrong, it's cuz I got the lyrics by listening to the song over, and over, and over....I know I could go online to find them, but...meh.
The song is track 12 on the 'Break the cycle'cd, by Staind. I borrowed the cd, so I don't know the name of the song...
~Lyrics~
Thought
"Speech"
These Words
~Your sister came up to me, she wanted answers only she should know, only she should know. It wasn't easy to deal with the tears that rolled down her face. I had no answers cuz I didn't even know you.~
Zim stood on the bridge, looking down at the rushing water. The chill October wind threatened to pull the wig off of his head. Growling slightly, he grabbed it and stuffed it into a pocket of the jacket he was wearing. It didn't matter if anyone saw him, anyway.
Seeing an amber-colored leaf fall into the water, Zim's eyes narrowed.
"Fuck you! It doesn't matter anyway! I don't need you, I never have and I never will!"
Zim picked up a small pebble and threw it at the leaf, punching a hole in it and causing it to sink. Suddenly Zim's eyes widened and he made a sound suspiciously like a sob.
~But these words, they can't replace the life you, the life you waste. How could you paint this picture, with life as bad as it should seem?~
Calming himself, Zim returned to staring blankly at the water, trying to figure it out.
Why? Why did he do it? HOW could he do it? He was so determined...
Zim remembered all the taunts, the teases, the beatings. None had been from him, in fact, he'd been protecting the stupid creature. Of course, he'd made sure that the human never found out, but he still did it. Zim shuddered at the thought of what could have happened if he hadn't stopped that group of drunken seniors with the baseball bats. Although, it didn't really matter anymore, did it? Rather like his own life, really. So many things had gone wrong for him, he'd found that all he'd had left was the stupid stinkbeast.
~But there were no more options for you. I can't explain how I feel. I've been there many times before, I've tasted the cold steel of my life crashing down before me.~
The current of the river brought the leaf back up to the surface before pulling it back down again. Zim watched, gripping the railing tightly.
Did that happen to him too? Get another glimpse of life, before it was too late?
"Did you think of me at all, human? Of what would happen to me once you were gone?"
~But these words, they can't replace the life, the life you waste.~
Seeing someone in a trenchcoat walk by brought up another memory; Dib yelling at his father as he left the house.
Zim had noticed that Membrane had become increasingly involved in Dib's life, nearly controlling it. He picked out the classes Dib would take, what teachers he would have, he didn't even let the boy shop for himself. Zim didn't know why Membrane had acted like that, doubted he ever would. As soon as Dib was gone, Gaz ran away.
~Did daddy not love you, or did he love you just too much? Did he control you? Did he live through you at your cost? Did he leave no questions for you to answer on your own?~
Another leaf, this one red, fell onto the river as the amber one was pulled up one last time, and both were swept away. Zim let go of the railing and fell to his knees, eyes fixed on the spot where both leaves had rested together for just a moment. Tears stung his eyes as one hand reached out slightly, before pulling back.
"Dammit Dib! Why did you go?! How...how could you leave me?"
Realizing what he was doing, Zim pulled himself to his feet, glaring at the river.
"Fuck you, Dib! I don't need you! I don't! I can get along just FINE without you!"
~Well fuck that, and fuck her, and fuck him, and fuck you for not having the strength to go on, to pull through. I live on and in fear, am fucked up and unclear, does that mean I should take my life with my own hands?~
Zim turned and managed to take three steps before his legs gave out from under him. He stayed there for a moment, before turning back to the river.
"WHY, DIB?! Why did you do it?! I NEEDED you, you know! I needed you!"
Zim bit back another sob as he turned and ran as quickly as he could.
~But these words, they can't replace the life you, the life you waste. But these words, they don't replace the life you, the life you waste.~
~~~~~~~
Kat: *punches nearest object, which just happens to be herself* Gah! Why did I write a deathfic?! WHY?!
*slap* Sorry about that. I swear, I do something happy-making, and then get an idea for something like this! *points at fic* I even have an idea for a charcoal drawing I could do for it....*sigh* Well, go find something fluffy to read after you review. You probably need it.