Chapter Two: Bring Me To Life
The First Child was waiting. Standing there, in the corner of the control deck over Unit One's cage and clad already in her immaculate white plug suit, she watched and waited. Most of her life was spent doing those two things, really, so what was another few minutes?
A rare sigh escaped from her gentle lips and dissipated into the cold air. The casual observer might have let that pass for a mere sigh of boredom, but Rei knew better. The pilot, Ikari…she thought. Am I waiting for him? Perhaps. Every time I see him, I feel…I don't know what I feel. It is almost as if he can understand my thoughts without them being made verbal. No one else has ever been able to give me that. But I feel something, and that in itself is enough reason to await his return.
She continued to stand there, staring out into the emptiness of the cage.
How can you see into my eyesLike open doors?
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb
Another sigh. Two in one day was probably a new record for her. Rei leaned back against the wall and relapsed into thought. I am never like this alone, unless alone with my thoughts of him… I am only myself, one entity, yet I feel something else inside. Ikari's presence. He grows closer. Her pulse quickened just a bit, as did the searching of her eyes; sweeping across the bridge inside the cage, they hoped for their owner to find the one she sought.
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there
And bring it back home
Footsteps. The roving eyes darted over to one side of the room and met with the Third. He walked over the dimly lit bridge, never noticing the silent gaze of his fellow pilot from above.
(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
Activated by his movements, the bank of lights running along the length of the ceiling flashed on and flooded the entire cage in bright artificial light. Both pilots, their eyes adjusting, slowly lowered their arms from their visually protective locations. Rei took longer; the albinism's effect on her eyes had not been kind to prospects of outdoor entertainment or any that involved similarly blinding light. Still, she thought, I could try to meet him outside of NERV sometime. It would not come easily, but surely no temporary pain could compare to the searing agony of being forever alone.
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become
Forsaking her lofty post in the control room, Rei headed for the elevator to the bridge. The doors closed, she pressed the button to go down, it started to move, she started to think. What can I say to let him know how I feel? My usual directness seems to frighten him. Perhaps a more subtle approach would be in order. Or maybe…
The doors opened, and there stood a surprised Shinji. "Oh. Hello, Ayanami."
Remember, be subtle. Not too overbearing. Choose your words carefully. "Hello."
Rei mentally kicked herself, but Shinji didn't seem to notice anything amiss. "Have you seen Ritsuko? You know we have that synch test today."
"Yes, we do. And no, I have not seen her lately. What about Captain Katsuragi?"
"She's looking for her, I think," replied Shinji. "Maybe we should go look too?" He said it almost as a question; it wasn't his way to be demanding, especially of someone as...well, especially of Rei. Still, he did want to spend some time with Ayanami, and without the means to ask her outright this provided a welcome excuse.
Her response was nonverbal, as were most things about her. Strolling past him and giving a little half-turn was her 'yes.' With a barely visible smile on his face, Shinji matched her steady walk.
A few minutes later, still walking through the deserted hallways, the two's hands brushed against each other. Shinji instinctively jumped back to form the feet-wide gap necessary to maintain his nerve, but Rei was unaffected. On the surface it would seem that way, but only she could tell what that brief touch meant to her.
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
They came to a split in the tunnel-like paths. To the left was the office area; to the right, the tech labs. Shinji turned to Rei. "Which way?"
She considered for a minute. Ritsuko would undoubtedly be in her office at this time in the morning, so... "Right."
Giving a small nod of assent, Shinji entered the darker hallway with Rei by his side.
(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
Why am I doing this? thought Rei. What can I hope to accomplish? There is always the possibility that we can talk some more. That is reason enough to try. But what can I talk about with him? I do not know much of the art of conversation. What if he speaks first? I could...
"Hey, um...Rei?"
She snapped out of her reverie and glanced over at Shinji. "Yes?"
"I don't think anyone's down this way. Are you sure this is where Ritsuko is?"
"I...she could be."
"Let's go back. She's probably in her office now anyway."
As they began to backtrack, both knew the other had also known where they needed to go. Yet neither sought to correct their path until now. Why is that? thought Shinji. What did she lead us this way for? I suppose maybe she....no. I should be so lucky.
Why does he resist? thought Rei. People always run from the unfamiliar, even if they truly want it. Her eyes met Shinji's for a brief moment before he looked away, embarrassed. Could he want the same thing I do? It seems that my desire is all I have left to feel.
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
Passing the original T-intersection, they walked down the left path to the offices. A few wandering employees saw them pass and smiled at the couple. Shinji's ever-paranoid eyes shot back and forth as his consistently nervous walk increased in speed. Rei maintained the pace required to stay close. Why do I do this? she thought. It is not as if we are actually together. But why not?
She walked a little closer.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life
Rei knew the office at the end of the hall. It was Ritsuko's. Entering with Shinji, their presence seemed to surprise the room's only occupant. "Oh, hello. You're early."
Shinji looked at the wall clock. "We are?"
"Well, just by a few minutes. I was about to head down to the cage myself." Dr. Akagi rose from her desk and passed them. "You might as well come with me. And Shinji, get into your plug suit. It does tend to help."
His face reddened a bit. "Right."
Rei watched Shinji leave for the locker room. As he walked off hurriedly, she sighed for the third time today.
Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
Shinji's plug slid into Eva 01's spine. As was always the procedure, he would remain in silent darkness for a few minutes. Alone with his thoughts...thoughts of her.
(All of this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me)
Rei, too, waited alone in her LCL-filled tomb. There was always some sort of connection between pilots in the Evangelions at the same time. She didn't understand it; no one really did. But it was there. She could feel him, feel his emotions. What is he thinking? Is that...is he thinking of me? And what is that emotion he feels?
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Shinji felt it too. She was there, living in his mind. It filled him with two distinct sensations: that of intoxicating closeness to Rei, and that of paralyzing fear at being so naked before another. None of his defenses were up; he was powerless.
(Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more)
Bring me to life
Rei lurched forward in pain as if hit by a physical blow. No! He fears me. He hates me. My presence causes him to feel pain. The only thing I can make him feel is torment. She slumped back against her seat and tightly shut her eyes. I am worthless.
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become
After the synch test was finished, Rei staggered across the bridge. Shinji was there, detachedly watching the Evangelion technicians; Rei saw him looking away from her, just trying to shut her out. She passed him quickly, her glistening eyes never leaving the floor. At hearing her, Shinji turned to make another attempt at communicating with the object of his desire. "Rei?"
His voice fell upon closed ears and tear-framed eyes.
Bring me to life.