A/N: Since I had such good feedback for this....here is more. Thank you everyone so much for your reviews. You have no idea how that makes me feel. I really appreciate it all.
Mac drove them until they reached a deserted park near the water. Both had agreed that neutral ground was needed, and that ruled out their apartments. So, they ended up at the park. Helping Harm out of the car and getting him steady on his crutches, she looped her fingers through his beltloop on his jeans and walked beside him until they reached a
bench with a clear view of the ocean through the trees. Mac sat down and Harm sat beside her. Both of them were looking out at the ocean, and the crashing of the waves as the sun set somewhere behind them. Neither one really wanted to begin, not that they knew how too really. That was part of the problem, they could never talk about it straight
out. They had always in the past just danced around the subject, never directly talking about it. Mac finally had to ask him though. "Harm, are you really married?"
He barely heard her, and she was not looking at him. The strangled whisper had torn at his heart, and he leaned over and put a finger under her chin, making her face him. She still would not look him in the eyes though. "Mac, look at me." After a few seconds, she did, and he could see the tears that threatened to spill over. "Mac, I will tell you anything you want to know, but you have to do the same for me. No more talking around the subject, tonight, we talk about it. Deal?" She nodded, and he continued. "I am not legally married, no. The story is long and complicated, and I will tell you, just wait until the end
to ask me questions OK?" She nodded again, and he drew in a breath and began the tale.
Mac felt many emotions go through her listening to him talk. Hurt, betrayal, anger, jealousy, amazement, and mostly awe. By the time he had finished, he had one again turned to watch the waves, and Mac thought the ever changing scenery must be the picture of what was going on in her mentally. Thoughts crashed over her brain as the waves crashed over the sand on the beach. The sand, like her mind, was constantly bombarded with more water, with no rest or lull. She sat there a few minutes trying to figure out what everything meant, for him, for Catherine, for herself, and most importantly, for them. He had done this to find her, to get help to find her. Harm, the man so afraid of commitment that he ran from it, had gotten 'married' just to get help in finding her. She didn't know if she was suppose to be flattered or disgusted. And she told him that too. He just sighed, and could not answer that for her.
Harm didn't press her to say anything. He knew it was alot to take in, and he was still trying to understand what he had been thinking at the time. He was surprised at her silence though, he had honestly expected her Marine-anger. This silence though, it was scaring him. When he thought he could take it no more, she finally spoke.
"Harm, I can't say what exactly I am feeling right now, but I know you did what you did to find me. You turned to the one person you thought you could get some help from, but she needed your help also. I have always known you would do anything to help out someone, but I never thought you would do this, or go this far."
"Mac, I can't say I have ever thought it either. All I could think about was finding you. She promised to help me if I helped her. I would have done almost anything to find you at that point. I could not get help from the Admiral, Webb was with you, I had no where else to go. I didn't know where else to turn. Finding you was the most important thing to me...," Harm trailed off.
Mac knew that they had arrived at that point in the relationship again. The one they always reached, and one of the always seemed to ruin. Well, not this time. This time, they were going to talk about it. "Why Harm? Why were you so worried about me?"
Harm knew what she was asking, and he knew now was the time to tell her everything. "Mac, that night you came to my apartment, wearing that pregnancy belly, I thought that all my dreams were crashing around me. You were pregnant, and until I felt the fake suit, I was really scared. Seeing you pregnant, well, it made me jealous. I thought we were
getting closer, and all the sudden you showed up at my door obviously pregnant. You looked wonderful, and suddenly my head was filled with visions of you as a mom, with a child in your arms, our child. Then you told me you were going on a mission with Webb, and I didn't know if I would ever see you again. Webb's missions never go smoothly, something always happens on them. I just had this gut feeling that this one would be no exception, and it turned out I was right. I just could not sit in DC pretending that there was nothing wrong in this world, while you were out there risking your life. Remember how we once said that no matter where we are on this planet, we could know where and what the other one was thinking? I know that is true." Harm finished his speech, and only then noticed that at some point during his talking, they had begun holding hands. He pulled her hand up to his mouth and softly kissed the back of her hand. They sat there for another few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts before Harm broke the silence again. "Mac, you know what Bud was talking about now, will you tell me what Sturgis meant when he told Bud that you had told someone that you loved me?" He noticed her eyes slip from their interlinking fingers to the star-filled sky above them.
Mac drove them until they reached a deserted park near the water. Both had agreed that neutral ground was needed, and that ruled out their apartments. So, they ended up at the park. Helping Harm out of the car and getting him steady on his crutches, she looped her fingers through his beltloop on his jeans and walked beside him until they reached a
bench with a clear view of the ocean through the trees. Mac sat down and Harm sat beside her. Both of them were looking out at the ocean, and the crashing of the waves as the sun set somewhere behind them. Neither one really wanted to begin, not that they knew how too really. That was part of the problem, they could never talk about it straight
out. They had always in the past just danced around the subject, never directly talking about it. Mac finally had to ask him though. "Harm, are you really married?"
He barely heard her, and she was not looking at him. The strangled whisper had torn at his heart, and he leaned over and put a finger under her chin, making her face him. She still would not look him in the eyes though. "Mac, look at me." After a few seconds, she did, and he could see the tears that threatened to spill over. "Mac, I will tell you anything you want to know, but you have to do the same for me. No more talking around the subject, tonight, we talk about it. Deal?" She nodded, and he continued. "I am not legally married, no. The story is long and complicated, and I will tell you, just wait until the end
to ask me questions OK?" She nodded again, and he drew in a breath and began the tale.
Mac felt many emotions go through her listening to him talk. Hurt, betrayal, anger, jealousy, amazement, and mostly awe. By the time he had finished, he had one again turned to watch the waves, and Mac thought the ever changing scenery must be the picture of what was going on in her mentally. Thoughts crashed over her brain as the waves crashed over the sand on the beach. The sand, like her mind, was constantly bombarded with more water, with no rest or lull. She sat there a few minutes trying to figure out what everything meant, for him, for Catherine, for herself, and most importantly, for them. He had done this to find her, to get help to find her. Harm, the man so afraid of commitment that he ran from it, had gotten 'married' just to get help in finding her. She didn't know if she was suppose to be flattered or disgusted. And she told him that too. He just sighed, and could not answer that for her.
Harm didn't press her to say anything. He knew it was alot to take in, and he was still trying to understand what he had been thinking at the time. He was surprised at her silence though, he had honestly expected her Marine-anger. This silence though, it was scaring him. When he thought he could take it no more, she finally spoke.
"Harm, I can't say what exactly I am feeling right now, but I know you did what you did to find me. You turned to the one person you thought you could get some help from, but she needed your help also. I have always known you would do anything to help out someone, but I never thought you would do this, or go this far."
"Mac, I can't say I have ever thought it either. All I could think about was finding you. She promised to help me if I helped her. I would have done almost anything to find you at that point. I could not get help from the Admiral, Webb was with you, I had no where else to go. I didn't know where else to turn. Finding you was the most important thing to me...," Harm trailed off.
Mac knew that they had arrived at that point in the relationship again. The one they always reached, and one of the always seemed to ruin. Well, not this time. This time, they were going to talk about it. "Why Harm? Why were you so worried about me?"
Harm knew what she was asking, and he knew now was the time to tell her everything. "Mac, that night you came to my apartment, wearing that pregnancy belly, I thought that all my dreams were crashing around me. You were pregnant, and until I felt the fake suit, I was really scared. Seeing you pregnant, well, it made me jealous. I thought we were
getting closer, and all the sudden you showed up at my door obviously pregnant. You looked wonderful, and suddenly my head was filled with visions of you as a mom, with a child in your arms, our child. Then you told me you were going on a mission with Webb, and I didn't know if I would ever see you again. Webb's missions never go smoothly, something always happens on them. I just had this gut feeling that this one would be no exception, and it turned out I was right. I just could not sit in DC pretending that there was nothing wrong in this world, while you were out there risking your life. Remember how we once said that no matter where we are on this planet, we could know where and what the other one was thinking? I know that is true." Harm finished his speech, and only then noticed that at some point during his talking, they had begun holding hands. He pulled her hand up to his mouth and softly kissed the back of her hand. They sat there for another few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts before Harm broke the silence again. "Mac, you know what Bud was talking about now, will you tell me what Sturgis meant when he told Bud that you had told someone that you loved me?" He noticed her eyes slip from their interlinking fingers to the star-filled sky above them.