Thanks to Tim Joy, Red Jacobson, Rob Clark, VegaKeep, Nathan Postmark, Dragon Hulk, Chorlton and Reed for their feedback, all very gratefully received.
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For the Love of ...
Chapter 5: Half a World Away
March 14th 2004
No matter how much he squirmed and shifted in his seat, there seemed to be nothing that Xander could do to get himself settled. His aggravation wasn't helped by the fact that he was flying economy class. The Watcher's Council may have lots of money in their coffers, but they sure weren't going to spring for first or business class seats. Not that Xander would've accepted them. Even for his own comfort he'd rather not be a hypocrite.
None the less, he couldn't escape the fact that his restlessness was not helping him weather the flight any easier. The trip so far had been a lonely, thoughtful one. No matter how much he tried not to dwell on it, Xander couldn't ignore the hole he felt in his heart. A hole that seemed to grow larger as each mile went past them on the water below. At least he was able to get a window seat. He turned towards the window slightly, and looked out at the setting sun. With his back turned away from the rest of the plane, he could almost believe that he was by himself, and not sharing one of three slightly cramped seats in the fourteenth row.
He wasn't totally rude to his fellow passengers. A few pleasantries and courteous greetings had been passed. He'd smiled warmly at them, when he asked them to move, so he could slip out to get to the restroom, a few hours ago. But that was about the sum of his interaction and at the moment, Xander felt it was all he could manage. Conversation of any length was just not achievable at least not without blurting out the most intimate details of his life. He had way too many regrets swimming around and around inside his head, for that not to happen. And those were things he didn't want to share with strangers. To be honest he doubted he would share them with friends.
The only person he longed to talk to at that moment, was in a small village, in a small country, that was getting further and further away with each second. He wondered if she was feeling the same. Did she feel the hurt he was feeling? Was she sitting there staring out of her window at the sky, trying desperately to feel some sort of connection with him?
They'd decided weeks ago that only Giles would accompany Xander to Heathrow. The last thing Xander wanted, and Dawn agreed, was to have to have a goodbye in an airport terminal. In truth, Xander would've been quite happy to go to the airport himself and say goodbye to them all before hand, but neither Giles, nor Buffy and Dawn would hear of it.
In the weeks leading up to his departure, he'd thought long and hard about what it was going to be like leaving them all. The complicated relationship he was sort of having with Dawn at that point didn't help. But in all the various fantasies and dreams he had, never once did he foresee how it actually turned out to be.
He doubted he'd gotten any sleep the night before. Nor did he have any idea how long he'd actually stayed downstairs. The living room, empty except for the fire which slowly burned down till it was only embers warming and lighting the now dark room, gave little comfort to him that night. He had no idea how long he'd spent looking up at the staircase to where he'd seen the last glimpse of Dawn as she disappeared around the corner. Was he expecting her to come back down and talk? He didn't know, but it wasn't until the fire had long since died and even his sorrow could no longer keep the cold from his skin that he got himself up and walked slowly up the stairs.
On the way back up to his room, he'd fought within himself not to walk into hers, but somewhere in his own need, he recognised Dawn's. And that was that. He'd fallen asleep, been woken up a scant few hours later, and packed the car. He'd hugged Buffy warmly. Both of them realising that it would be months till they'd see each other again at least. For friends that had seen each other almost every day, except for little things like holidays, running away and dieing, it wasn't a shock for them to be feeling sad.
"Dawn!" Buffy yelled up the stairs. "I can't believe she's acting like this," Buffy muttered apologetically to Xander.
"It's okay Buff," he replied. "We said goodbye last night."
He knew without looking into Buffy's eyes that his voice had showed her the truth behind his words. When Buffy was about to say something, he slightly shook his head, getting the message to her. Buffy responded with a slight, sad nod of her head. "Are you okay?"
Xander shrugged. "I will be."
Giles had hooted the horn at that point. Both Xander and Buffy realised that the time was up. Xander glanced up to Dawn's window, and for a moment he thought that he saw some movement in the curtains. He held his gaze there for a few moments, looking for a sign, but there wasn't any. He turned away and opened the passenger side door to the car. Just as he was about to get in, the front door to the cottage opened.
"Xander!"
Even now, hours later, it still amazed Xander how much his heart soared at that moment. The mere sound of her voice was all it needed. He could hear the sorrow, fear and pain in it. He could also hear the love she had for him in that simple word and it made his heart feel so much lighter. The weight he'd carried on his shoulders since the night before had been lifted.
He turned and a split second later, his arms were full as Dawn ran into them, wrapping her own arms around his body. Her head was buried into his chest, not that it blocked out the sounds of her sobs.
"I don't want you to go." He could just make out the words and knew that she wasn't seriously asking him to stay. But it warmed his heart no end to hear them.
They stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms for minutes. It was so warm, so comfortable, and for those few fractions of time, no one else existed. Not until they both heard a cough. Giles had at least managed to sound apologetic.
"You call me as soon as it's done," Dawn told him.
"I will," Xander replied, having forgotten momentarily about his upcoming medical procedure.
"I mean it, no matter what time it is," she added, trying to drag out the time they had. But he knew there was no more time to be stretched. There would be no time for a proper goodbye. This was it, and he had so much he wanted to say. He hoped that he could convey all he wanted to do, as he bent down, and met her lips, kissing them softly for a moment, before pulling back and smiling as happily as he could at her, before getting in the car.
He watched Dawn walk over to Buffy and put their arms around each other as Giles drove him away. He kept his eye on them and didn't turn away till the car had rounded the corner and both of them were no longer in view.
He'd have to write to Giles and thank him for his discretion in not mentioning Dawn at all on the trip to Heathrow. Thankfully with Xander's first posting coming up, Giles was more interested in discussing those matters.
Four hours later he was sitting on a plane, and it was slowly rising in the sky over London. And now a further five hours along, Xander felt all the emotions hit him again. At which point he'd decided that the window provided the best corner for him to crawl into, and with his headphones blaring one of the in-flight music stations he tried his hardest to block out the world around him. Still no matter how much he tried all he could think about was how different things might have been if he'd been able to keep his desires in check the night before.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
March 30th 2004
"...they all got up. Good Morning, San Diegan's, it's 7.00am on this fine Tuesday morning..."
There are many ways to wake up in a morning. The sound of a radio alarm blaring out at a totally unhospitable volume was better than having a marching brass band start up in your bedroom, but for Xander that morning he really couldn't tell the difference. As he opened his eyes, both seeing and not, just for a moment he wondered where exactly he was. Then a fraction of a second later the memory resurfaced and as he looked around the room that was now his bedroom, he had to admit that it was at present, incredibly spartan.
Not that he had any time to change that, he'd only been in San Diego for one day. Outfitting his place was just one of many things he still had to do, but in the whole scheme of everything, it was pretty low on the list. Even in his half sleeping state, Xander knew what was number-one on that list. And he also knew that there was no reason to put it off any longer.
Which would be fine if he actually knew where to start.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and stood up, arching his back and stretching out the cobwebs from his limbs before slowly making his way into the en-suite bathroom which was situated just to the right of the bedroom.
The steam from the hot water filled the room quickly and after letting his boxers fall to the floor, he stepped under the water and let it wash over him.
The strangest thing, he thought, was the silence that you have when living by yourself. He had no television, no radio to keep him company or even provide some background noise pollution. It had been so long since he could really say that. Sure there had been short times when technically he'd been living by himself since he moved out from his parents in 2000. But in those small times he was either going out with Anya, or Buffy, Willow or Dawn were around so much, he never had to think about being by himself.
Not for the first time since he'd left England, he stopped what he was doing and just reflected on the fact that for the first time in almost eight years, none of those three were likely to come walking through his door unannounced. When he'd agreed to this posting he not only was taking up a new career, but he was changing everything he'd known since he first hit the guard rail outside of Sunnydale High in 1997.
And then there was Dawn. He'd been back in the US for almost two weeks, and the hole in his heart seemed to be showing no signs of healing. It became so obvious to him just how much he'd come to expect her to be by his side. When he'd gone into Eye surgery at the Jules Stein Institute in LA, he had realised just how strange it seemed for her not to be there when he came out from under the anaesthetic. Cordy had been there instead and while it had been great to catch up with her again, it wasn't he same.
He'd called Dawn straight after. He knew she'd be waiting for news as soon as the procedure was completed, and thanks to the Internet, he was able to send through some photos of his new prosthetic eye, or more accurately, his face showing it in its rightful place. The other, the eye alone would've just been weird, not to mention a little gross. Talking to her had been wonderful and it was easy to tell just how excited she was. They'd been on the phone for ages, but the distance that was now between them was never more evident then in the fact that neither of them talked about the goodbye they'd given each other.
Xander turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing the towel he'd set aside earlier and drying himself off. His gaze caught his reflection in the mirror and not for the first time since he'd gotten the replacement did he find it slightly off-putting to see himself without the eye-patch once again. Not to mention that even though he could see two eyes it was still very apparent to him that he was seeing them both through only his right one.
Wrapping the robe around his body, he exited the bathroom and then the bedroom, walking down the internal staircase and over to the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine and slipping a couple of slices of bread into the toaster. In the couple of days before he'd gone into the Institute, he had just enough time to get some essentials for the new place. The apartment itself was very nice. Xander had been rather surprised at how homely it felt. Two bedrooms upstairs, a large dinning/living area downstairs with a moderately sized kitchen. Bathrooms both up and down and even an internal laundry. It was probably about thirty years old, but had been renovated some time in the last decade, that was for sure. But the one thing he knew it wouldn't have was appliances and as he rarely felt like going out for breakfast, especially in a new city. Knowing his luck, he was just as likely to walk into a café that had the hygienic reputation of a sewer than the local treat. Breakfast may not be the most elegant of meals that he prepared for himself but without the hit of caffeine and carbs, he was not ready to face the day. And for that he needed a coffee maker and toaster.
He sat down at the counter, thinking about the day ahead. The day had arrived. He had to go and meet his new Slayer. Which he admitted to himself was a much simpler act since he was fortunate enough to already know her. But there was one thing that made this a little different. She lived with her parents. Meeting parents wasn't Xander's forte. Apart from Buffy and Dawn's mom, his experience with parents was not something to fall back on. But on the bright side, at least he knew Vi. Xander had been surprised that his Slayer was someone that he knew. He didn't even realise that she was from San Diego, not having spent that much time after the fall of Sunnydale to get to know such little details. But they had gotten along okay during the battle with the first, and he saw no reason why they couldn't again.
He had almost finished his breakfast when he saw, sitting on his desk, the one thing he had so far avoided thinking about this morning. It was almost pulsating at him, drawing him nearer, though Xander knew that was just in his mind. It wasn't that he was trying to avoid it, just that he didn't really know what to say.
Slowly he walked over and sat down in front of it. He picked it up and held it in his hand, looking at it from both sides. Not that there was anything strange about it. In fact it looked just like any others of its type.
And then he knew that he wasn't going anywhere till he'd done what was the most important thing to him at that moment in time. He reached over and grabbed some paper and a pen and started writing.
Dear Dawn...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was with some trepidation that Xander arrived at his destination. He'd located it easy enough, only being a short thirty minutes, even with the traffic, along the 805 from his home in University Heights to Del Mar. He got out of his car, locked the door and walked up the paved walkway to the front door of the house.
One of major changes with the New Council was the way the Slayers' families weren't cut out of the truth. And while it was problematic and had no guarantees that it would make the task any easier, with there being a multitude of Slayers there was no chosen one any more. It gave all the girls the chance for a normal or almost normal life. The old ways of taking the girls and training them, or keeping their destiny secret wasn't applicable anymore. There was no need for it. If Vi didn't want anything to do with her destiny, though Xander doubted that would be the case, he wouldn't put any pressure on her. The one thing Xander wanted to achieve beyond all else was to be a help to his Slayer, not a hindrance.
The down side to all this togetherness was that no matter how much Xander was there for his Slayer, he also had to meet the parents. Now that he was standing outside the front door, he couldn't help think that it was add if he was on the first date with a new girl and had to face her Father's grilling before being allowed to leave.
Of course he was there for a totally different reason, but he felt no less nervous. Like everything else it was new and unknown. The place he was standing in front of certainly looked pleasant enough. If anything it looked rather more opulent than he'd been expecting. Though that preconception was based solely on Vi and considering the stress they'd all been under during that time, it was misplaced.
The large wooden doors stood proudly in front of him. The polished finish contrasting nicely with the brick and stone work around it. Predominantly white, the house was tinged with red wood, and it gave the residence a framing effect that Xander found quite stunning.
He waited patiently after ringing the doorbell, and it was only a few moments after when the door opened and a pleasant looking older lady answered.
"Hello, may I help you?" she asked. Xander could tell from the slight inflictions in her voice that she came from an educated background. She looked as though she was in her early forties. Her blonde hair, had just the merest tinges that weren't as vibrant as they had no doubt been a few years back, and her clothing was conservative, but Xander could tell that she held herself highly and put quite a deal on appearance.
"Good Afternoon. I was wondering if Violet was home," Xander asked, keeping things as formal as possible.
"No, I'm sorry, but she's out at the moment," came the reply. Xander could tell that he was getting the once over, and for a moment was glad he had turned up in a nice casual outfit. "Are you a friend from College?"
"Umm, no, my name is Xander Harris. I'm Violet's new watcher," Xander said.
It didn't take long for Xander to realise that he'd probably said the wrong thing. There was a look of fear on the face of the person he assumed was Vi's mother. She took a step back, and for a moment Xander was afraid that she was going to close the door on him. While it wouldn't be the first time such an action had been frequented on him, Cordelia's mother had done it more than once, it wasn't the reaction he was expecting this time.
Unlike a lot of Slayers, Buffy included, Violet's parents already knew all about Slayers, Vampires, Demons and the like. Giles had visited them when he went to pick up Vi and bring her to Sunnydale more than a year ago. They also knew that a new Watcher would be assigned to her. But seeing the look in her mother's eye, Xander was sure that either they had forgotten about all the 'bad things', or he was about as welcome as a tax collector.
"Bruce!" she called out, turning her head to point down the hallway towards where Xander assumed Vi's Father was situated.
"Excuse..." Xander started to say, tyring to get whatever situation was developing defused, but Vi's mother waved him away with a quick flick of her wrist, signalling very succinctly that that topic was tabled till the arrival of the other parental unit.
Which didn't take long. From behind her, Xander saw a gentleman of about the same age walking towards them. Though he wasn't as tall as Xander, there was a certain presence about him as he quickly walked towards his wife, determined and confident. His appearance, semi-formal coat and trousers, only added to the overall effect.
"Yes, dear," he said as he arrived at his wife's side and slid an arm around her, protecting her in case she needed it.
"This man says he's Violet's new Watcher," she replied indicating towards Xander.
Xander could see the change in his demeanour as soon as his wife said those words. The curious protectiveness had been replaced by an almost hostile glare.
"We don't want anything to do with you," he told Xander and proceeded to shut the door on him, leaving the young Watcher simply stunned on the porch wondering just what to do in this situation. Certainly all the scenario's he'd played out in his head hadn't prepared him for this outcome. Usually they were kept secret, so this sort of confrontation wouldn't occur. Or in situations like this one, when there was no need for secrecy and the family had accepted the destiny of their daughter the up front method was thought of as the best.
To have been rebuked like that, so unexpectedly, was something that the handbook nor Xander's own mind had thought possible. Which in hindsight he kicked himself for being over confident on that point.
So without any other plan, Xander simply took a seat on the porch and leant back against the door. If nothing else, he hoped Vi would be home sometime before dinner, and maybe then he'd get a friendlier reaction.
He could hear the heated sounds of her parents talking inside, though the wood muffled the sounds enough to hide any of the words. There was no temptation to simply walk away. As soon as he arrived in America he was on the clock, so to speak. And while he cared little for the organisation that was paying him, he did care greatly for the duties he was to perform and the slayer that he would be looking after. The fact that he knew her and liked her already meant even more that he was determined to do the best possible job.
If that meant sitting in the warm San Diego sun for a few hours, he would. In the end it would mean little whether Vi's parents wanted anything to do with him. Vi could easily come to his place if that worked easier. Vi was over eighteen and if he wanted to be blunt, it was up to her, not them.
He'd been out on the stoop for close on fifteen minutes when he heard the sounds of footsteps walking inside, coming closer and closer. They stopped at what Xander guessed was just inside the door. He moved his back a little off the wood, just in case it was opened quickly. Sprawling onto the floor was not the second impression he wanted to give them, especially after the first one went so off kilter.
The lock clicked over and the door opened. Xander turned his head and looked up, seeing that her Father had been the one to open it. Xander stood up and faced him.
"Pretty stubborn I see," he was told.
"No where else to be," Xander replied.
A curt nod was all that he was returned with till, "Well you may as well come inside."
"Thank you," Xander said, walking past the outstretched arm that Vi's father had out to guide him in. He stopped just inside the door, and waited for him to shut the front door and show Xander where he wanted him to go.
Xander walked silently behind him, looking briefly at some of the art that hung on the walls. He had to admit that they had a nice place. Not super rich, like Cordy's folks, but well off enough that Vi must have really been roughing it at the Summers' household. Xander thought that gave her extra points for not complaining in the least.
They both entered what he thought must be the family room, or maybe the games room. Xander found it hard to know for sure. Either way, there was what looked like a super comfy sofa, a couple of recliners, a bar and open French doors which seemed to be leading out to a rather resplendent pool area.
The lady who had answered the door earlier was sitting down in front of what looked like a pot of freshly brewed coffee and a selection of pastries and in that moment Xander wondered if someone in the background was humming the Twilight Zone theme. He kept his thoughts to himself and sat down where he was offered.
"Coffee?" Vi's Mother asked.
"Thanks," Xander replied, and then took the mug when offered. He scooped in his own sweetener and cream, before taking a sip and enjoying the first hit of the caffeine on his pallet, before placing it back down on one of the coasters in front of him.
The tension rose as each second of silence passed. For a while no-one said anything, their eyes just glanced at each other, looking for an opening to say something.
"I'm Bruce Leighton," the man said a few seconds later, holding out his hand which Xander shook, "and this is my wife, Susan, although I expect you already know that."
Xander nodded, "I knew your names, yes."
"You're not what we expected," Bruce told him.
"You expected me to be British?" Xander asked.
"No, old," he replied, then added, " and British."
Xander shrugged. "Yeah, the new world order is a bit of a change for some."
"I thought you might be her boyfriend," Susan said.
"Oh," Xander replied. "Nope, definitely not."
"No, I can see that," Susan replied again.
Xander wondered what she actually meant by that, and was about to ask her, when she continued.
"You seem a little too sedate for that to be the case," Susan clarified.
Xander didn't know what exactly to make of that.
"What exactly are you here for?" Bruce asked.
"I'm Vi's Watcher," Xander replied.
"And what does that exactly mean?"
"The short answer is that I'm here to help her in any way I can. The long answer takes in training, advising, listening and anything else that pops up. They'll probably end in 'ing' as well." Xander hoped his attempt at a joke, as lame as it was, might break the ice which was still nicely frosting over the whole room.
"Forgive me, but what exactly can you teach her. You look only a couple of years older than she is."
And he realised it hadn't. "I am, but I have also been involved in this since I was fifteen."
"Well the last two had been involved for longer than you had. One died and the other took her away from us. We hardly heard from her and then on the news we see the town that we'd sent her to was now a giant hole in the ground."
"But Vi was okay," Xander confirmed.
"Oh sure, she was okay, if you don't count the almost new personality she seemed to inherit."
There was some sadness in Bruce's voice that didn't ring true for Xander. "Huh?"
"Vi's a little wild," Susan told him.
Xander thought that he might have the wrong dimension, or house. "Vi? Funny hat, shy Vi?"
It suddenly dawned on Bruce that Xander knew his daughter. "You've met her?"
"Yeah, we were in Sunnydale together last year. That's where I was all my life till, well you know..." Xander replied leaving the rest of the story hanging. He was sure Vi had filled in all of the details.
"Oh wait, that's where I've seen you before," Susan told him. She walked over and picked up a photo album that was in one of the book cases on the shelves. She brought it back and laid it open in front of Xander. Xander could see himself in some of the photos. Vi had obviously gotten copies from some of the other girls, as he couldn't remember her having a camera.
"Pardon me for asking..." Susan started to say, looking at Xander.
"My eye?" Xander responded.
"Yeah,"
"I got fitted with an artificial one just before I came to San Diego," Xander told them.
Susan nodded silently. Xander could see her features soften just a little, and while on the outside he remained as cloaked as ever, inside he was chuckling, most mothers can't help feeling anything other than maternal.
Well, all except his own of course.
Noticing how Susan's body language had warmed up slightly towards him, he thought it might be okay to get some answers. "Umm look...I wasn't expecting a civic reception when I arrived, but I didn't expect the one I got either."
Bruce walked over and sat down in the other recliner. "I'm sorry son, but the Watcher's Council is mud in this house. Her first Watcher seemed harmless enough but seemed to act as he had more right to our daughter than we had, and the second took her away from her home." He held up his hand to stop the protest he thought would be coming from the young man in front of him. "I know, I was told that it was for her safety. But, I don't know you from a hill of beans and you are telling us to trust our daughter with you. We did that last year and it still feels like we are picking up the pieces of that mistake."
"I'm sorry, I have no idea what you are talking about," Xander responded. "To be honest I would've thought the fact that she came back alive would've been enough. A lot of girls didn't," he told them gravely.
"I know she told us," Bruce replied seriously. "She did come back to us, and we are eternally grateful for that, but she is a very different girl from the one that I kissed goodbye."
"Well there were some changes that happened," Xander ventured wondering what exactly Vi had told them.
"Yes we know all about the super powers," Susan told him. Her tone left to illusion to how much she disliked the idea. "I know she is meant to be safer now, but her whole personality has changed as well."
Xander did wonder if this was information he shouldn't be privy to. It wasn't his job to go behind Vi's back. He was to make sure that she came to him above all else, and this might not be the best way to start off that relationship.
"I'm sorry, but I probably shouldn't be talking to you about this," he told them. "I want you to trust me, and want to be open to you contacting me, but my first loyalty is to your daughter. I can't and won't cross that trust."
"I never expected you to do anything else, Xander."
All three of them turned to the entrance of the room. While they could all see who it was, Xander was more surprised than the others. Standing there with her hands on her hips, looking slightly pissed, Vi was definitely not the girl Xander remembered. Her orange/red hair remained, but the confident look behind her eyes and stance were new. The low rider jeans, tank top and boots all shouted attitude and Xander could tell it was all shooting straight at her parents.
She walked, or stalked Xander thought, over towards them. Xander got up, and accepted the hug from her, that she gave for a second. "It's good to see you," she told him.
"You too," Xander replied, trying not to look too stunned at the transformation that she had undergone.
"Let's go and talk," she told him.
"Violet..." Bruce started to object.
"Dad, I'll be back in an hour or so. Just gotta go over things with my Watcher, here," she told her father in a tone that Xander knew meant, leave it alone.
Saying nothing more he followed her out, and as they got outside and she walked over to his car, he could tell that she wanted to get out of there.
He unlocked the door with a quick push of his thumb on his key ring, letting Vi get in and himself before asking her what was wrong. He turned to look at her, but could tell that she wanted him to drive. Starting the car, he drove off, part of him wondering just what her parents might be thinking about right now.
"So, what's up," he asked her, as they drove off down the street.
"Parents, ugh!!!" Vi responded.
"They seemed okay," Xander replied, not wanting to point out that considering his and his other friends, Vi's parents, at least on the surface looked like a godsend.
Vi turned her head, which Xander caught just out of the side of his vision. "You haven't had ..." she paused for only a fraction of a second, and in that time her demeanour changed almost totally around. "...Oh my god! Your eye!"
Xander had to chuckle. Enthusiasm like that was contagious. "Yeah, got two of them again."
"I can see that," Vi replied, smiling at him. "Looks good," she told him, as if it was a requirement for him to get her approval. She then softened her smile. "Sorry about before, you've arrived in the middle of a year long conflict between me and my parents."
Xander spotted a café up ahead and pulled the car over to the first parking spot he saw. "Come on, lets have a drink and catch up," he told her. It may not be the most professional way to get to know his slayer, but the situation was a little different and he was sure that she needed a friend who understood at present, not a task master.
They each ordered their drinks and when the waiter walked off, Xander turned to face her. "You look well," he told her. It wasn't an overstatement. Anyone who had seen Vi before Sunnydale became the world's largest sinkhole, could only marvel at how she'd blossomed.
"Thanks, you too," she told him, looking at his clothes. "I guess in Sunnydale we wore whatever was handy."
"Yeah, bigger things tend to take precedence," he replied. "So what's up with your folks? To be honest I thought that would be the easy part."
Vi shrugged. "They don't think much of my life decisions since I came back home."
"And they were?" Xander ventured.
"Dropping out of college, having fun, going out, kicking undead butt," Violet answered.
"Ahh, the staples of teenage life, I remember them well," Xander commented only half seriously.
"Yeah, cause you're a big responsible watcher now," she teased him.
"Well, I'm not sure I'm bigger, but yeah."
"I was very happy to hear that you were coming here. I had nightmares that I'd get someone that made Giles look like a rebel," she told him. "At least you've been there and know what it's really like."
Xander nodded, he'd hoped that all new watchers would have a more world wise attitude, but with his experiences in England fresh he knew that would be a long time in coming. "I'm here to make your life easier, not harder."
"So you aren't going to make me go back to college?" she asked.
Xander laughed. "I've known enough Slayers to know I couldn't make any of them do anything they didn't want. No, I'm not going to make you do that. If you want to do that, I can help, or more accurately the Watcher's Council can help financially, but if you want to do something else, we can help with that as well."
"Wow, things are a little different then?"
"Not as much as I would like, but I can make sure that the good old WC isn't the thorn in your ass that it was before."
"Cool, that's the last thing I need," Violet replied, before taking another sip.
Watching her, Xander wondered what happened to the girl her knew. The new Vi wasn't unpleasant, but something had definitely changed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One thing became very apparent to Xander within a few seconds of Vi and him setting off on their inaugural patrol that night. San Diego was a heck of a lot bigger than Sunnydale, and he was sure glad Vi had a car to get herself around. As fit and as fast as she was, getting back and forth between her parents place at Del Mar and Downtown San Diego, or University Heights where his apartment was situated.
He'd never thought much about how easier Sunnydale had been with its smaller locale. He supposed the fact that the Hellmouth was there and the City had been built around it on purpose, was what made it harder then the stature of the city should've made.
He could feel the adrenalin starting to flow through his veins as Vi and he exited his car and made their way into Mt Hope Cemetery. Thankfully they'd found somewhere to get in without any trouble. With it closing at four in the afternoon, Xander hoped that security guards were not an added distraction they would have to work around. Vi had assured him that she'd never had any problems, though from Vi's description most nights she rarely ran into anything. Still the probability of this night being a bust in the slaying tasks, did nothing to quell the little bit of excitement that Xander was feeling to be actually patrolling again. He didn't crave it, like some he'd seen. But there was an undeniable feeling of being alive you got when you were doing something that could be dangerous.
Which was in quite contrast to his companion. Casting a side glance towards Vi, Xander could tell, even in the murky darkness that surrounded them that Vi was bored. She was walking along, twiddling the stake in her hand as if it were a stress ball, her head bopping along to a non existent song. She certainly looked the part. Decked out all in black, with clothes that were both comfortable and able to move with whatever movements she might have to do.
Somehow Xander realised that Vi was expecting not have to do any exertions tonight.
"So..." Xander said trying to break the silence with conversation if there wasn't going to be any action.
"Hive of activity isn't it?" Vi responded sarcastically.
"Seen worse nights, that for sure," Xander replied with a smile, knowing that she had as well.
"Yeah, well not every night is Sunnydale busy that's for sure," Vi answered.
"Has there been *any* nights that have been Sunnydale busy?" Xander asked, surprised at the thought.
"No," Vi admitted. "A girl can dream can't she."
"You want to have to face that night after night?" Xander queried.
"Yeah, well no, god I don't know. I mean, I'm a Slayer and I do very little of it."
Xander nodded understanding. "You miss the thrill of it all?"
"Yeah, you know the fight, the rush..."
"...the injuries, the death, the end of the world," Xander broke in.
Vi rolled her eyes. "Smart ass. You know what I mean."
Xander pulled on Vi's arm, just lightly enough to stop her from walking. "Yeah I do. Can I give you some advice?"
Vi got a little twinkle in her eye, as if she found the notion funny. "I'm sure you can."
Xander let it pass. "Don't let being a Slayer define you. There is so much more you can do and be."
"What if I don't want to be," Vi replied. "Duck!"
"Huh?" Xander replied just before he was pushed out of the way, as Vi went flying past him. He turned around to see her launch a flurry of kicks and punches at what Xander assumed was a vampire. No doubt, this vamp was now seriously regretting taking this particular route through the cemetery.
There was a synergy to how her fists and feet hit the vampire. To the untrained eye it would seem like a blur of arm and leg movements, but Xander had seen enough fights in his life to see exactly how Vi attacked the creature. And he had to admit she was very efficient. There may not be many undead problems in San Diego, but by the looks of it, Vi was more than capable of handling herself. He slowly got up and watched as she pulled a stake from inside her jacket and thrust it into the vampire's chest. A short second later it dissipated into a cloud of dust.
Xander was slowly nodding to himself in approval, when she looked up and smiled at him. "See, ain't nothing cooler than that," she told him. "Come on," she added, grabbing at his hand to pull him further along the path.
"You know, pushing me out of the way, isn't a standard way of attacking your adversaries," Xander told her thinking that he should be finding something to reduce the rampant confidence she was exuding.
Vi tried to stifle the giggles in her, but couldn't. "Sure, Watcher man."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
April 9th 2004
Aylesford, Kent
Humming softly to herself, Dawn Summers walked casually up the path that led from the road to her and Buffy's house. She often enjoyed the walk home from school. It wasn't that far, just a couple of miles, and in lieu of any other exercise, she knew it wouldn't hurt. But more than that, it also gave her time to think. And that was something she'd been doing plenty of over the last few weeks.
School was her sanctuary. No one there knew anything about the Watcher's Council, Vampires or Slayers. She could just blend into the background with various other students and apart from her accent which no matter how hard she tried, still stood out, she was just another pupil. She'd even started to discover some nice people. Of course she knew that they'd been there all along, but it was only now, being alone, that she started to actively socialise with her own classmates.
But that wasn't Xander's fault. She knew that. She'd decided to spend most of her free time with him. Even now looking back, she was sure she wouldn't change that time. She treasured it. But she did wonder occasionally if things would've been better if she'd gotten to know other people better than she had.
As she arrived at the doorstep, she put an end to such thoughts. It had become an almost ritual, the closer she got to home, the more she started to second guess her 'relationship' (if you could call it that), with Xander. But she was just as determined that she'd stop her train of thought before entering the house.
Today, however, there was one thing that would make that nigh on impossible. And it was sitting on her front doorstep. Still a few feet away, she could tell who it was from. She knew that writing as clear as her own. She took a couple of tentative steps, not knowing exactly why. It wasn't as if she thought it was dangerous. At least not physically. Maybe her soul was trying to protect itself, steeling her against what the package could mean.
Either way, she reached it soon enough and bent down to pick it up, holding the small parcel in her hand. She couldn't help but turn it over and run her finger tip over the name and address on the back.
Xander Harris
18071 Cypress Ave
University Heights
San Diego, 92116 California USA
Even though a part of her was futilely trying to protect herself, there was no way she could deny how much her heart leapt at the simple viewing of Xander's name and address written in his own handwriting. Her feet seemed to be floating a little off the floor, at least that's the way it seemed to her. She opened the front door, walked inside, closing it behind her with the flick of her wrist.
She heard it close in the background as she entered the kitchen and sat herself down at the table. The package held firmly but almost tenderly in her hands with her elbows resting on the table in front of her. She didn't know why, but she kept looking at it, not opening it.
There was something different about this then the e-mails they'd sent back and forth to one and other. E-mail was great, phone calls too, but now in her hands she had something tangible. And it was different. She could feel that inside.
After a while the staring at the package got a little ridiculous even for her and she started to open it. When she'd done so, she reached inside and pulled out two items. The first was an envelope with her name on it, written in Xander's handwriting. The second was a small box, with a gold ribbon wrapped around it.
It didn't look like a ring box, to her, but whatever it was, it did peek her interest. She carefully undid the wrapping and opened it. As the top of the box, was slowly drawn up and she saw what was inside, her free hand rose to her mouth and she gasped, before a tear and a cry escaped her lips.
"Oh my god!" she said to herself, as she looked upon the contents with love emanating from her eyes.
She then carefully opened the envelope and took out the letter that was inside.
Dearest Dawn,
For two people who never found it difficult to talk to one another, you probably wouldn't believe the number of times I have written 'Dear Dawn' followed by a few lines and ripped up the paper. There seems so much I want to say, but no way to say it. It is strange not being able to see you every day. I now live in a nice apartment and it seems so empty without your presence. It makes me realize just how much I wasted our time together in England.
I think I will regret to my last days the way our last night together went. I should've realised that then wasn't the right time and I am grateful that you at least had the sense to stop it. I wish I had the courage to show you how I felt earlier, but like most things it seems I let the flow take me too long.
I want you to realize just how much you mean to me. I was in an almost completely dark place when we left Sunnydale, you were the only bright light in my life. Yes it took me a while to grasp that, and a little longer to get over the guilt of it, but that is a fact that can never be changed.
You are so precious to me. Your merest presence could make me happy, while to see you smile at me, warmed my heart in ways I didn't know it could be.
None the less, I am now a long way away from you, and will be for some time. It sucks no end that we should be parted. For even though we aren't together, friendships such as ours should not have an ocean between them. But no matter how far away, I want you to know that you will always be welcome here. After all, you have your own key now (I take it that you have already opened the other box, at least if I have taught you right you would have).
I must admit that I find myself a little off kilter still. No doubt you felt some of the same when you arrived in England last year. I can only hope that it works out as well for me.
You are constantly in my thoughts and I hope that you are well.
All my love,
Xander
Dawn didn't react for a moment, until she reached up to brush away a tear from her eye. At that exact moment in time she wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in the arms of the man she was in love with. To be held safely and securely and feel the warmth from his chest as she rested her cheek against it. Instead she could only hold his words in her hand, and try to put aside the coolness of the air in the kitchen.
She was so caught up with her thoughts that she didn't hear Buffy arrive home from University.
"Hey Dawn," she said as she walked into the kitchen and placed her bag down on the chair opposite her sister. "Dawnie?" she asked, not having gotten a response the first time, and seeing that her sister was engrossed in a letter. It didn't take all that much skill to work out who the letter was from.
Buffy walked around the table and put a hand gently on Dawn's shoulder. "Are you okay?"
Dawn looked up, trying to smile in response to her sister's question, but it got lost in the midst of a sob which escaped her lips instead.
"Hey, it'll be okay," Buffy said wrapping her arms around Dawn, holding her for a moment. "Xander?" she asked, more for confirmation than any actual need to know.
Dawn nodded her head up and down. Buffy didn't need to say anymore. And she wasn't *that* much wrapped up in her own life to totally miss what Dawn had been going through over the last few weeks.
"I don't know what to do?" Dawn asked.
"About Xander?"
Dawn nodded.
Buffy took a deep breath. She had tried to stay out of Dawn and Xander's relationship as much as possible. She was happy for them. At least she was when she could see how happy they were. At the moment however, that was not the impression that Dawn was giving her, and she wondered if now was when she should tell Dawn her thoughts.
"Do you love him?" Buffy asked.
Dawn looked at Buffy like she'd just asked the most blatantly obvious question ever heard in the world. She titled her head and raised her eyebrows.
"No, I mean, do you truly love him. To you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?" Buffy ventured carefully.
Dawn shrugged a little. She was tempted to say yes straight away, but something in the words that Buffy spoke made her actually think about the question. "I used to." She got this far away look in her eyes, and Buffy could tell she was reliving some fantasy she'd had. "I think I've dreamt about our wedding and children ever since I had a crush on him."
"But now?"
"I don't know," Dawn admitted. "I mean will Xander and I ever live in the same country again? I may want to go to University in England or he might get posted anywhere if something happens to Vi."
"You know that if you really want it to happen, then you both can make it work," Buffy told her.
"I know," Dawn replied softly. She knew she was having one of those days when you felt just a little too sorry for yourself.
"But, if you aren't sure. I mean if you aren't 100 percent certain that you and Xander will live happily ever after, then you shouldn't cut yourself off from life," Buffy said. She could see that Dawn was about to argue and so she continued. "I'm not saying go out and find yourself someone new right now. God knows don't use me for a guide, but you're only 17 Dawn, you have so much to live for. Trust me, as you grow up feelings can change."
"Don't write my feelings for Xander off like that," Dawn argued.
"I'm not," Buffy relied, keeping her voice calm. She could tell Dawn was putting up protective barriers and the last thing she wanted to do was to get into a shouting match with her sister at this point. "You will find yourself and your feelings growing and changing, and I just don't want you to miss out on anything."
"Is that why you haven't been in contact with Angel...or Spike?" Dawn asked delicately. She had avoided the subject for most of their time in England. Buffy had thrown herself into her new life with such joy, Dawn preferred not to dwell on her past.
Buffy smiled softly. "Time gives you perspective, Dawnie," she told her sister. "Xander's a great guy, and I love him dearly, but I can't tell you what to do; you will have to decide that for yourself."
End Chapter 5
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
For the Love of ...
Chapter 5: Half a World Away
March 14th 2004
No matter how much he squirmed and shifted in his seat, there seemed to be nothing that Xander could do to get himself settled. His aggravation wasn't helped by the fact that he was flying economy class. The Watcher's Council may have lots of money in their coffers, but they sure weren't going to spring for first or business class seats. Not that Xander would've accepted them. Even for his own comfort he'd rather not be a hypocrite.
None the less, he couldn't escape the fact that his restlessness was not helping him weather the flight any easier. The trip so far had been a lonely, thoughtful one. No matter how much he tried not to dwell on it, Xander couldn't ignore the hole he felt in his heart. A hole that seemed to grow larger as each mile went past them on the water below. At least he was able to get a window seat. He turned towards the window slightly, and looked out at the setting sun. With his back turned away from the rest of the plane, he could almost believe that he was by himself, and not sharing one of three slightly cramped seats in the fourteenth row.
He wasn't totally rude to his fellow passengers. A few pleasantries and courteous greetings had been passed. He'd smiled warmly at them, when he asked them to move, so he could slip out to get to the restroom, a few hours ago. But that was about the sum of his interaction and at the moment, Xander felt it was all he could manage. Conversation of any length was just not achievable at least not without blurting out the most intimate details of his life. He had way too many regrets swimming around and around inside his head, for that not to happen. And those were things he didn't want to share with strangers. To be honest he doubted he would share them with friends.
The only person he longed to talk to at that moment, was in a small village, in a small country, that was getting further and further away with each second. He wondered if she was feeling the same. Did she feel the hurt he was feeling? Was she sitting there staring out of her window at the sky, trying desperately to feel some sort of connection with him?
They'd decided weeks ago that only Giles would accompany Xander to Heathrow. The last thing Xander wanted, and Dawn agreed, was to have to have a goodbye in an airport terminal. In truth, Xander would've been quite happy to go to the airport himself and say goodbye to them all before hand, but neither Giles, nor Buffy and Dawn would hear of it.
In the weeks leading up to his departure, he'd thought long and hard about what it was going to be like leaving them all. The complicated relationship he was sort of having with Dawn at that point didn't help. But in all the various fantasies and dreams he had, never once did he foresee how it actually turned out to be.
He doubted he'd gotten any sleep the night before. Nor did he have any idea how long he'd actually stayed downstairs. The living room, empty except for the fire which slowly burned down till it was only embers warming and lighting the now dark room, gave little comfort to him that night. He had no idea how long he'd spent looking up at the staircase to where he'd seen the last glimpse of Dawn as she disappeared around the corner. Was he expecting her to come back down and talk? He didn't know, but it wasn't until the fire had long since died and even his sorrow could no longer keep the cold from his skin that he got himself up and walked slowly up the stairs.
On the way back up to his room, he'd fought within himself not to walk into hers, but somewhere in his own need, he recognised Dawn's. And that was that. He'd fallen asleep, been woken up a scant few hours later, and packed the car. He'd hugged Buffy warmly. Both of them realising that it would be months till they'd see each other again at least. For friends that had seen each other almost every day, except for little things like holidays, running away and dieing, it wasn't a shock for them to be feeling sad.
"Dawn!" Buffy yelled up the stairs. "I can't believe she's acting like this," Buffy muttered apologetically to Xander.
"It's okay Buff," he replied. "We said goodbye last night."
He knew without looking into Buffy's eyes that his voice had showed her the truth behind his words. When Buffy was about to say something, he slightly shook his head, getting the message to her. Buffy responded with a slight, sad nod of her head. "Are you okay?"
Xander shrugged. "I will be."
Giles had hooted the horn at that point. Both Xander and Buffy realised that the time was up. Xander glanced up to Dawn's window, and for a moment he thought that he saw some movement in the curtains. He held his gaze there for a few moments, looking for a sign, but there wasn't any. He turned away and opened the passenger side door to the car. Just as he was about to get in, the front door to the cottage opened.
"Xander!"
Even now, hours later, it still amazed Xander how much his heart soared at that moment. The mere sound of her voice was all it needed. He could hear the sorrow, fear and pain in it. He could also hear the love she had for him in that simple word and it made his heart feel so much lighter. The weight he'd carried on his shoulders since the night before had been lifted.
He turned and a split second later, his arms were full as Dawn ran into them, wrapping her own arms around his body. Her head was buried into his chest, not that it blocked out the sounds of her sobs.
"I don't want you to go." He could just make out the words and knew that she wasn't seriously asking him to stay. But it warmed his heart no end to hear them.
They stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms for minutes. It was so warm, so comfortable, and for those few fractions of time, no one else existed. Not until they both heard a cough. Giles had at least managed to sound apologetic.
"You call me as soon as it's done," Dawn told him.
"I will," Xander replied, having forgotten momentarily about his upcoming medical procedure.
"I mean it, no matter what time it is," she added, trying to drag out the time they had. But he knew there was no more time to be stretched. There would be no time for a proper goodbye. This was it, and he had so much he wanted to say. He hoped that he could convey all he wanted to do, as he bent down, and met her lips, kissing them softly for a moment, before pulling back and smiling as happily as he could at her, before getting in the car.
He watched Dawn walk over to Buffy and put their arms around each other as Giles drove him away. He kept his eye on them and didn't turn away till the car had rounded the corner and both of them were no longer in view.
He'd have to write to Giles and thank him for his discretion in not mentioning Dawn at all on the trip to Heathrow. Thankfully with Xander's first posting coming up, Giles was more interested in discussing those matters.
Four hours later he was sitting on a plane, and it was slowly rising in the sky over London. And now a further five hours along, Xander felt all the emotions hit him again. At which point he'd decided that the window provided the best corner for him to crawl into, and with his headphones blaring one of the in-flight music stations he tried his hardest to block out the world around him. Still no matter how much he tried all he could think about was how different things might have been if he'd been able to keep his desires in check the night before.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
March 30th 2004
"...they all got up. Good Morning, San Diegan's, it's 7.00am on this fine Tuesday morning..."
There are many ways to wake up in a morning. The sound of a radio alarm blaring out at a totally unhospitable volume was better than having a marching brass band start up in your bedroom, but for Xander that morning he really couldn't tell the difference. As he opened his eyes, both seeing and not, just for a moment he wondered where exactly he was. Then a fraction of a second later the memory resurfaced and as he looked around the room that was now his bedroom, he had to admit that it was at present, incredibly spartan.
Not that he had any time to change that, he'd only been in San Diego for one day. Outfitting his place was just one of many things he still had to do, but in the whole scheme of everything, it was pretty low on the list. Even in his half sleeping state, Xander knew what was number-one on that list. And he also knew that there was no reason to put it off any longer.
Which would be fine if he actually knew where to start.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and stood up, arching his back and stretching out the cobwebs from his limbs before slowly making his way into the en-suite bathroom which was situated just to the right of the bedroom.
The steam from the hot water filled the room quickly and after letting his boxers fall to the floor, he stepped under the water and let it wash over him.
The strangest thing, he thought, was the silence that you have when living by yourself. He had no television, no radio to keep him company or even provide some background noise pollution. It had been so long since he could really say that. Sure there had been short times when technically he'd been living by himself since he moved out from his parents in 2000. But in those small times he was either going out with Anya, or Buffy, Willow or Dawn were around so much, he never had to think about being by himself.
Not for the first time since he'd left England, he stopped what he was doing and just reflected on the fact that for the first time in almost eight years, none of those three were likely to come walking through his door unannounced. When he'd agreed to this posting he not only was taking up a new career, but he was changing everything he'd known since he first hit the guard rail outside of Sunnydale High in 1997.
And then there was Dawn. He'd been back in the US for almost two weeks, and the hole in his heart seemed to be showing no signs of healing. It became so obvious to him just how much he'd come to expect her to be by his side. When he'd gone into Eye surgery at the Jules Stein Institute in LA, he had realised just how strange it seemed for her not to be there when he came out from under the anaesthetic. Cordy had been there instead and while it had been great to catch up with her again, it wasn't he same.
He'd called Dawn straight after. He knew she'd be waiting for news as soon as the procedure was completed, and thanks to the Internet, he was able to send through some photos of his new prosthetic eye, or more accurately, his face showing it in its rightful place. The other, the eye alone would've just been weird, not to mention a little gross. Talking to her had been wonderful and it was easy to tell just how excited she was. They'd been on the phone for ages, but the distance that was now between them was never more evident then in the fact that neither of them talked about the goodbye they'd given each other.
Xander turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing the towel he'd set aside earlier and drying himself off. His gaze caught his reflection in the mirror and not for the first time since he'd gotten the replacement did he find it slightly off-putting to see himself without the eye-patch once again. Not to mention that even though he could see two eyes it was still very apparent to him that he was seeing them both through only his right one.
Wrapping the robe around his body, he exited the bathroom and then the bedroom, walking down the internal staircase and over to the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine and slipping a couple of slices of bread into the toaster. In the couple of days before he'd gone into the Institute, he had just enough time to get some essentials for the new place. The apartment itself was very nice. Xander had been rather surprised at how homely it felt. Two bedrooms upstairs, a large dinning/living area downstairs with a moderately sized kitchen. Bathrooms both up and down and even an internal laundry. It was probably about thirty years old, but had been renovated some time in the last decade, that was for sure. But the one thing he knew it wouldn't have was appliances and as he rarely felt like going out for breakfast, especially in a new city. Knowing his luck, he was just as likely to walk into a café that had the hygienic reputation of a sewer than the local treat. Breakfast may not be the most elegant of meals that he prepared for himself but without the hit of caffeine and carbs, he was not ready to face the day. And for that he needed a coffee maker and toaster.
He sat down at the counter, thinking about the day ahead. The day had arrived. He had to go and meet his new Slayer. Which he admitted to himself was a much simpler act since he was fortunate enough to already know her. But there was one thing that made this a little different. She lived with her parents. Meeting parents wasn't Xander's forte. Apart from Buffy and Dawn's mom, his experience with parents was not something to fall back on. But on the bright side, at least he knew Vi. Xander had been surprised that his Slayer was someone that he knew. He didn't even realise that she was from San Diego, not having spent that much time after the fall of Sunnydale to get to know such little details. But they had gotten along okay during the battle with the first, and he saw no reason why they couldn't again.
He had almost finished his breakfast when he saw, sitting on his desk, the one thing he had so far avoided thinking about this morning. It was almost pulsating at him, drawing him nearer, though Xander knew that was just in his mind. It wasn't that he was trying to avoid it, just that he didn't really know what to say.
Slowly he walked over and sat down in front of it. He picked it up and held it in his hand, looking at it from both sides. Not that there was anything strange about it. In fact it looked just like any others of its type.
And then he knew that he wasn't going anywhere till he'd done what was the most important thing to him at that moment in time. He reached over and grabbed some paper and a pen and started writing.
Dear Dawn...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was with some trepidation that Xander arrived at his destination. He'd located it easy enough, only being a short thirty minutes, even with the traffic, along the 805 from his home in University Heights to Del Mar. He got out of his car, locked the door and walked up the paved walkway to the front door of the house.
One of major changes with the New Council was the way the Slayers' families weren't cut out of the truth. And while it was problematic and had no guarantees that it would make the task any easier, with there being a multitude of Slayers there was no chosen one any more. It gave all the girls the chance for a normal or almost normal life. The old ways of taking the girls and training them, or keeping their destiny secret wasn't applicable anymore. There was no need for it. If Vi didn't want anything to do with her destiny, though Xander doubted that would be the case, he wouldn't put any pressure on her. The one thing Xander wanted to achieve beyond all else was to be a help to his Slayer, not a hindrance.
The down side to all this togetherness was that no matter how much Xander was there for his Slayer, he also had to meet the parents. Now that he was standing outside the front door, he couldn't help think that it was add if he was on the first date with a new girl and had to face her Father's grilling before being allowed to leave.
Of course he was there for a totally different reason, but he felt no less nervous. Like everything else it was new and unknown. The place he was standing in front of certainly looked pleasant enough. If anything it looked rather more opulent than he'd been expecting. Though that preconception was based solely on Vi and considering the stress they'd all been under during that time, it was misplaced.
The large wooden doors stood proudly in front of him. The polished finish contrasting nicely with the brick and stone work around it. Predominantly white, the house was tinged with red wood, and it gave the residence a framing effect that Xander found quite stunning.
He waited patiently after ringing the doorbell, and it was only a few moments after when the door opened and a pleasant looking older lady answered.
"Hello, may I help you?" she asked. Xander could tell from the slight inflictions in her voice that she came from an educated background. She looked as though she was in her early forties. Her blonde hair, had just the merest tinges that weren't as vibrant as they had no doubt been a few years back, and her clothing was conservative, but Xander could tell that she held herself highly and put quite a deal on appearance.
"Good Afternoon. I was wondering if Violet was home," Xander asked, keeping things as formal as possible.
"No, I'm sorry, but she's out at the moment," came the reply. Xander could tell that he was getting the once over, and for a moment was glad he had turned up in a nice casual outfit. "Are you a friend from College?"
"Umm, no, my name is Xander Harris. I'm Violet's new watcher," Xander said.
It didn't take long for Xander to realise that he'd probably said the wrong thing. There was a look of fear on the face of the person he assumed was Vi's mother. She took a step back, and for a moment Xander was afraid that she was going to close the door on him. While it wouldn't be the first time such an action had been frequented on him, Cordelia's mother had done it more than once, it wasn't the reaction he was expecting this time.
Unlike a lot of Slayers, Buffy included, Violet's parents already knew all about Slayers, Vampires, Demons and the like. Giles had visited them when he went to pick up Vi and bring her to Sunnydale more than a year ago. They also knew that a new Watcher would be assigned to her. But seeing the look in her mother's eye, Xander was sure that either they had forgotten about all the 'bad things', or he was about as welcome as a tax collector.
"Bruce!" she called out, turning her head to point down the hallway towards where Xander assumed Vi's Father was situated.
"Excuse..." Xander started to say, tyring to get whatever situation was developing defused, but Vi's mother waved him away with a quick flick of her wrist, signalling very succinctly that that topic was tabled till the arrival of the other parental unit.
Which didn't take long. From behind her, Xander saw a gentleman of about the same age walking towards them. Though he wasn't as tall as Xander, there was a certain presence about him as he quickly walked towards his wife, determined and confident. His appearance, semi-formal coat and trousers, only added to the overall effect.
"Yes, dear," he said as he arrived at his wife's side and slid an arm around her, protecting her in case she needed it.
"This man says he's Violet's new Watcher," she replied indicating towards Xander.
Xander could see the change in his demeanour as soon as his wife said those words. The curious protectiveness had been replaced by an almost hostile glare.
"We don't want anything to do with you," he told Xander and proceeded to shut the door on him, leaving the young Watcher simply stunned on the porch wondering just what to do in this situation. Certainly all the scenario's he'd played out in his head hadn't prepared him for this outcome. Usually they were kept secret, so this sort of confrontation wouldn't occur. Or in situations like this one, when there was no need for secrecy and the family had accepted the destiny of their daughter the up front method was thought of as the best.
To have been rebuked like that, so unexpectedly, was something that the handbook nor Xander's own mind had thought possible. Which in hindsight he kicked himself for being over confident on that point.
So without any other plan, Xander simply took a seat on the porch and leant back against the door. If nothing else, he hoped Vi would be home sometime before dinner, and maybe then he'd get a friendlier reaction.
He could hear the heated sounds of her parents talking inside, though the wood muffled the sounds enough to hide any of the words. There was no temptation to simply walk away. As soon as he arrived in America he was on the clock, so to speak. And while he cared little for the organisation that was paying him, he did care greatly for the duties he was to perform and the slayer that he would be looking after. The fact that he knew her and liked her already meant even more that he was determined to do the best possible job.
If that meant sitting in the warm San Diego sun for a few hours, he would. In the end it would mean little whether Vi's parents wanted anything to do with him. Vi could easily come to his place if that worked easier. Vi was over eighteen and if he wanted to be blunt, it was up to her, not them.
He'd been out on the stoop for close on fifteen minutes when he heard the sounds of footsteps walking inside, coming closer and closer. They stopped at what Xander guessed was just inside the door. He moved his back a little off the wood, just in case it was opened quickly. Sprawling onto the floor was not the second impression he wanted to give them, especially after the first one went so off kilter.
The lock clicked over and the door opened. Xander turned his head and looked up, seeing that her Father had been the one to open it. Xander stood up and faced him.
"Pretty stubborn I see," he was told.
"No where else to be," Xander replied.
A curt nod was all that he was returned with till, "Well you may as well come inside."
"Thank you," Xander said, walking past the outstretched arm that Vi's father had out to guide him in. He stopped just inside the door, and waited for him to shut the front door and show Xander where he wanted him to go.
Xander walked silently behind him, looking briefly at some of the art that hung on the walls. He had to admit that they had a nice place. Not super rich, like Cordy's folks, but well off enough that Vi must have really been roughing it at the Summers' household. Xander thought that gave her extra points for not complaining in the least.
They both entered what he thought must be the family room, or maybe the games room. Xander found it hard to know for sure. Either way, there was what looked like a super comfy sofa, a couple of recliners, a bar and open French doors which seemed to be leading out to a rather resplendent pool area.
The lady who had answered the door earlier was sitting down in front of what looked like a pot of freshly brewed coffee and a selection of pastries and in that moment Xander wondered if someone in the background was humming the Twilight Zone theme. He kept his thoughts to himself and sat down where he was offered.
"Coffee?" Vi's Mother asked.
"Thanks," Xander replied, and then took the mug when offered. He scooped in his own sweetener and cream, before taking a sip and enjoying the first hit of the caffeine on his pallet, before placing it back down on one of the coasters in front of him.
The tension rose as each second of silence passed. For a while no-one said anything, their eyes just glanced at each other, looking for an opening to say something.
"I'm Bruce Leighton," the man said a few seconds later, holding out his hand which Xander shook, "and this is my wife, Susan, although I expect you already know that."
Xander nodded, "I knew your names, yes."
"You're not what we expected," Bruce told him.
"You expected me to be British?" Xander asked.
"No, old," he replied, then added, " and British."
Xander shrugged. "Yeah, the new world order is a bit of a change for some."
"I thought you might be her boyfriend," Susan said.
"Oh," Xander replied. "Nope, definitely not."
"No, I can see that," Susan replied again.
Xander wondered what she actually meant by that, and was about to ask her, when she continued.
"You seem a little too sedate for that to be the case," Susan clarified.
Xander didn't know what exactly to make of that.
"What exactly are you here for?" Bruce asked.
"I'm Vi's Watcher," Xander replied.
"And what does that exactly mean?"
"The short answer is that I'm here to help her in any way I can. The long answer takes in training, advising, listening and anything else that pops up. They'll probably end in 'ing' as well." Xander hoped his attempt at a joke, as lame as it was, might break the ice which was still nicely frosting over the whole room.
"Forgive me, but what exactly can you teach her. You look only a couple of years older than she is."
And he realised it hadn't. "I am, but I have also been involved in this since I was fifteen."
"Well the last two had been involved for longer than you had. One died and the other took her away from us. We hardly heard from her and then on the news we see the town that we'd sent her to was now a giant hole in the ground."
"But Vi was okay," Xander confirmed.
"Oh sure, she was okay, if you don't count the almost new personality she seemed to inherit."
There was some sadness in Bruce's voice that didn't ring true for Xander. "Huh?"
"Vi's a little wild," Susan told him.
Xander thought that he might have the wrong dimension, or house. "Vi? Funny hat, shy Vi?"
It suddenly dawned on Bruce that Xander knew his daughter. "You've met her?"
"Yeah, we were in Sunnydale together last year. That's where I was all my life till, well you know..." Xander replied leaving the rest of the story hanging. He was sure Vi had filled in all of the details.
"Oh wait, that's where I've seen you before," Susan told him. She walked over and picked up a photo album that was in one of the book cases on the shelves. She brought it back and laid it open in front of Xander. Xander could see himself in some of the photos. Vi had obviously gotten copies from some of the other girls, as he couldn't remember her having a camera.
"Pardon me for asking..." Susan started to say, looking at Xander.
"My eye?" Xander responded.
"Yeah,"
"I got fitted with an artificial one just before I came to San Diego," Xander told them.
Susan nodded silently. Xander could see her features soften just a little, and while on the outside he remained as cloaked as ever, inside he was chuckling, most mothers can't help feeling anything other than maternal.
Well, all except his own of course.
Noticing how Susan's body language had warmed up slightly towards him, he thought it might be okay to get some answers. "Umm look...I wasn't expecting a civic reception when I arrived, but I didn't expect the one I got either."
Bruce walked over and sat down in the other recliner. "I'm sorry son, but the Watcher's Council is mud in this house. Her first Watcher seemed harmless enough but seemed to act as he had more right to our daughter than we had, and the second took her away from her home." He held up his hand to stop the protest he thought would be coming from the young man in front of him. "I know, I was told that it was for her safety. But, I don't know you from a hill of beans and you are telling us to trust our daughter with you. We did that last year and it still feels like we are picking up the pieces of that mistake."
"I'm sorry, I have no idea what you are talking about," Xander responded. "To be honest I would've thought the fact that she came back alive would've been enough. A lot of girls didn't," he told them gravely.
"I know she told us," Bruce replied seriously. "She did come back to us, and we are eternally grateful for that, but she is a very different girl from the one that I kissed goodbye."
"Well there were some changes that happened," Xander ventured wondering what exactly Vi had told them.
"Yes we know all about the super powers," Susan told him. Her tone left to illusion to how much she disliked the idea. "I know she is meant to be safer now, but her whole personality has changed as well."
Xander did wonder if this was information he shouldn't be privy to. It wasn't his job to go behind Vi's back. He was to make sure that she came to him above all else, and this might not be the best way to start off that relationship.
"I'm sorry, but I probably shouldn't be talking to you about this," he told them. "I want you to trust me, and want to be open to you contacting me, but my first loyalty is to your daughter. I can't and won't cross that trust."
"I never expected you to do anything else, Xander."
All three of them turned to the entrance of the room. While they could all see who it was, Xander was more surprised than the others. Standing there with her hands on her hips, looking slightly pissed, Vi was definitely not the girl Xander remembered. Her orange/red hair remained, but the confident look behind her eyes and stance were new. The low rider jeans, tank top and boots all shouted attitude and Xander could tell it was all shooting straight at her parents.
She walked, or stalked Xander thought, over towards them. Xander got up, and accepted the hug from her, that she gave for a second. "It's good to see you," she told him.
"You too," Xander replied, trying not to look too stunned at the transformation that she had undergone.
"Let's go and talk," she told him.
"Violet..." Bruce started to object.
"Dad, I'll be back in an hour or so. Just gotta go over things with my Watcher, here," she told her father in a tone that Xander knew meant, leave it alone.
Saying nothing more he followed her out, and as they got outside and she walked over to his car, he could tell that she wanted to get out of there.
He unlocked the door with a quick push of his thumb on his key ring, letting Vi get in and himself before asking her what was wrong. He turned to look at her, but could tell that she wanted him to drive. Starting the car, he drove off, part of him wondering just what her parents might be thinking about right now.
"So, what's up," he asked her, as they drove off down the street.
"Parents, ugh!!!" Vi responded.
"They seemed okay," Xander replied, not wanting to point out that considering his and his other friends, Vi's parents, at least on the surface looked like a godsend.
Vi turned her head, which Xander caught just out of the side of his vision. "You haven't had ..." she paused for only a fraction of a second, and in that time her demeanour changed almost totally around. "...Oh my god! Your eye!"
Xander had to chuckle. Enthusiasm like that was contagious. "Yeah, got two of them again."
"I can see that," Vi replied, smiling at him. "Looks good," she told him, as if it was a requirement for him to get her approval. She then softened her smile. "Sorry about before, you've arrived in the middle of a year long conflict between me and my parents."
Xander spotted a café up ahead and pulled the car over to the first parking spot he saw. "Come on, lets have a drink and catch up," he told her. It may not be the most professional way to get to know his slayer, but the situation was a little different and he was sure that she needed a friend who understood at present, not a task master.
They each ordered their drinks and when the waiter walked off, Xander turned to face her. "You look well," he told her. It wasn't an overstatement. Anyone who had seen Vi before Sunnydale became the world's largest sinkhole, could only marvel at how she'd blossomed.
"Thanks, you too," she told him, looking at his clothes. "I guess in Sunnydale we wore whatever was handy."
"Yeah, bigger things tend to take precedence," he replied. "So what's up with your folks? To be honest I thought that would be the easy part."
Vi shrugged. "They don't think much of my life decisions since I came back home."
"And they were?" Xander ventured.
"Dropping out of college, having fun, going out, kicking undead butt," Violet answered.
"Ahh, the staples of teenage life, I remember them well," Xander commented only half seriously.
"Yeah, cause you're a big responsible watcher now," she teased him.
"Well, I'm not sure I'm bigger, but yeah."
"I was very happy to hear that you were coming here. I had nightmares that I'd get someone that made Giles look like a rebel," she told him. "At least you've been there and know what it's really like."
Xander nodded, he'd hoped that all new watchers would have a more world wise attitude, but with his experiences in England fresh he knew that would be a long time in coming. "I'm here to make your life easier, not harder."
"So you aren't going to make me go back to college?" she asked.
Xander laughed. "I've known enough Slayers to know I couldn't make any of them do anything they didn't want. No, I'm not going to make you do that. If you want to do that, I can help, or more accurately the Watcher's Council can help financially, but if you want to do something else, we can help with that as well."
"Wow, things are a little different then?"
"Not as much as I would like, but I can make sure that the good old WC isn't the thorn in your ass that it was before."
"Cool, that's the last thing I need," Violet replied, before taking another sip.
Watching her, Xander wondered what happened to the girl her knew. The new Vi wasn't unpleasant, but something had definitely changed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One thing became very apparent to Xander within a few seconds of Vi and him setting off on their inaugural patrol that night. San Diego was a heck of a lot bigger than Sunnydale, and he was sure glad Vi had a car to get herself around. As fit and as fast as she was, getting back and forth between her parents place at Del Mar and Downtown San Diego, or University Heights where his apartment was situated.
He'd never thought much about how easier Sunnydale had been with its smaller locale. He supposed the fact that the Hellmouth was there and the City had been built around it on purpose, was what made it harder then the stature of the city should've made.
He could feel the adrenalin starting to flow through his veins as Vi and he exited his car and made their way into Mt Hope Cemetery. Thankfully they'd found somewhere to get in without any trouble. With it closing at four in the afternoon, Xander hoped that security guards were not an added distraction they would have to work around. Vi had assured him that she'd never had any problems, though from Vi's description most nights she rarely ran into anything. Still the probability of this night being a bust in the slaying tasks, did nothing to quell the little bit of excitement that Xander was feeling to be actually patrolling again. He didn't crave it, like some he'd seen. But there was an undeniable feeling of being alive you got when you were doing something that could be dangerous.
Which was in quite contrast to his companion. Casting a side glance towards Vi, Xander could tell, even in the murky darkness that surrounded them that Vi was bored. She was walking along, twiddling the stake in her hand as if it were a stress ball, her head bopping along to a non existent song. She certainly looked the part. Decked out all in black, with clothes that were both comfortable and able to move with whatever movements she might have to do.
Somehow Xander realised that Vi was expecting not have to do any exertions tonight.
"So..." Xander said trying to break the silence with conversation if there wasn't going to be any action.
"Hive of activity isn't it?" Vi responded sarcastically.
"Seen worse nights, that for sure," Xander replied with a smile, knowing that she had as well.
"Yeah, well not every night is Sunnydale busy that's for sure," Vi answered.
"Has there been *any* nights that have been Sunnydale busy?" Xander asked, surprised at the thought.
"No," Vi admitted. "A girl can dream can't she."
"You want to have to face that night after night?" Xander queried.
"Yeah, well no, god I don't know. I mean, I'm a Slayer and I do very little of it."
Xander nodded understanding. "You miss the thrill of it all?"
"Yeah, you know the fight, the rush..."
"...the injuries, the death, the end of the world," Xander broke in.
Vi rolled her eyes. "Smart ass. You know what I mean."
Xander pulled on Vi's arm, just lightly enough to stop her from walking. "Yeah I do. Can I give you some advice?"
Vi got a little twinkle in her eye, as if she found the notion funny. "I'm sure you can."
Xander let it pass. "Don't let being a Slayer define you. There is so much more you can do and be."
"What if I don't want to be," Vi replied. "Duck!"
"Huh?" Xander replied just before he was pushed out of the way, as Vi went flying past him. He turned around to see her launch a flurry of kicks and punches at what Xander assumed was a vampire. No doubt, this vamp was now seriously regretting taking this particular route through the cemetery.
There was a synergy to how her fists and feet hit the vampire. To the untrained eye it would seem like a blur of arm and leg movements, but Xander had seen enough fights in his life to see exactly how Vi attacked the creature. And he had to admit she was very efficient. There may not be many undead problems in San Diego, but by the looks of it, Vi was more than capable of handling herself. He slowly got up and watched as she pulled a stake from inside her jacket and thrust it into the vampire's chest. A short second later it dissipated into a cloud of dust.
Xander was slowly nodding to himself in approval, when she looked up and smiled at him. "See, ain't nothing cooler than that," she told him. "Come on," she added, grabbing at his hand to pull him further along the path.
"You know, pushing me out of the way, isn't a standard way of attacking your adversaries," Xander told her thinking that he should be finding something to reduce the rampant confidence she was exuding.
Vi tried to stifle the giggles in her, but couldn't. "Sure, Watcher man."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
April 9th 2004
Aylesford, Kent
Humming softly to herself, Dawn Summers walked casually up the path that led from the road to her and Buffy's house. She often enjoyed the walk home from school. It wasn't that far, just a couple of miles, and in lieu of any other exercise, she knew it wouldn't hurt. But more than that, it also gave her time to think. And that was something she'd been doing plenty of over the last few weeks.
School was her sanctuary. No one there knew anything about the Watcher's Council, Vampires or Slayers. She could just blend into the background with various other students and apart from her accent which no matter how hard she tried, still stood out, she was just another pupil. She'd even started to discover some nice people. Of course she knew that they'd been there all along, but it was only now, being alone, that she started to actively socialise with her own classmates.
But that wasn't Xander's fault. She knew that. She'd decided to spend most of her free time with him. Even now looking back, she was sure she wouldn't change that time. She treasured it. But she did wonder occasionally if things would've been better if she'd gotten to know other people better than she had.
As she arrived at the doorstep, she put an end to such thoughts. It had become an almost ritual, the closer she got to home, the more she started to second guess her 'relationship' (if you could call it that), with Xander. But she was just as determined that she'd stop her train of thought before entering the house.
Today, however, there was one thing that would make that nigh on impossible. And it was sitting on her front doorstep. Still a few feet away, she could tell who it was from. She knew that writing as clear as her own. She took a couple of tentative steps, not knowing exactly why. It wasn't as if she thought it was dangerous. At least not physically. Maybe her soul was trying to protect itself, steeling her against what the package could mean.
Either way, she reached it soon enough and bent down to pick it up, holding the small parcel in her hand. She couldn't help but turn it over and run her finger tip over the name and address on the back.
Xander Harris
18071 Cypress Ave
University Heights
San Diego, 92116 California USA
Even though a part of her was futilely trying to protect herself, there was no way she could deny how much her heart leapt at the simple viewing of Xander's name and address written in his own handwriting. Her feet seemed to be floating a little off the floor, at least that's the way it seemed to her. She opened the front door, walked inside, closing it behind her with the flick of her wrist.
She heard it close in the background as she entered the kitchen and sat herself down at the table. The package held firmly but almost tenderly in her hands with her elbows resting on the table in front of her. She didn't know why, but she kept looking at it, not opening it.
There was something different about this then the e-mails they'd sent back and forth to one and other. E-mail was great, phone calls too, but now in her hands she had something tangible. And it was different. She could feel that inside.
After a while the staring at the package got a little ridiculous even for her and she started to open it. When she'd done so, she reached inside and pulled out two items. The first was an envelope with her name on it, written in Xander's handwriting. The second was a small box, with a gold ribbon wrapped around it.
It didn't look like a ring box, to her, but whatever it was, it did peek her interest. She carefully undid the wrapping and opened it. As the top of the box, was slowly drawn up and she saw what was inside, her free hand rose to her mouth and she gasped, before a tear and a cry escaped her lips.
"Oh my god!" she said to herself, as she looked upon the contents with love emanating from her eyes.
She then carefully opened the envelope and took out the letter that was inside.
Dearest Dawn,
For two people who never found it difficult to talk to one another, you probably wouldn't believe the number of times I have written 'Dear Dawn' followed by a few lines and ripped up the paper. There seems so much I want to say, but no way to say it. It is strange not being able to see you every day. I now live in a nice apartment and it seems so empty without your presence. It makes me realize just how much I wasted our time together in England.
I think I will regret to my last days the way our last night together went. I should've realised that then wasn't the right time and I am grateful that you at least had the sense to stop it. I wish I had the courage to show you how I felt earlier, but like most things it seems I let the flow take me too long.
I want you to realize just how much you mean to me. I was in an almost completely dark place when we left Sunnydale, you were the only bright light in my life. Yes it took me a while to grasp that, and a little longer to get over the guilt of it, but that is a fact that can never be changed.
You are so precious to me. Your merest presence could make me happy, while to see you smile at me, warmed my heart in ways I didn't know it could be.
None the less, I am now a long way away from you, and will be for some time. It sucks no end that we should be parted. For even though we aren't together, friendships such as ours should not have an ocean between them. But no matter how far away, I want you to know that you will always be welcome here. After all, you have your own key now (I take it that you have already opened the other box, at least if I have taught you right you would have).
I must admit that I find myself a little off kilter still. No doubt you felt some of the same when you arrived in England last year. I can only hope that it works out as well for me.
You are constantly in my thoughts and I hope that you are well.
All my love,
Xander
Dawn didn't react for a moment, until she reached up to brush away a tear from her eye. At that exact moment in time she wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in the arms of the man she was in love with. To be held safely and securely and feel the warmth from his chest as she rested her cheek against it. Instead she could only hold his words in her hand, and try to put aside the coolness of the air in the kitchen.
She was so caught up with her thoughts that she didn't hear Buffy arrive home from University.
"Hey Dawn," she said as she walked into the kitchen and placed her bag down on the chair opposite her sister. "Dawnie?" she asked, not having gotten a response the first time, and seeing that her sister was engrossed in a letter. It didn't take all that much skill to work out who the letter was from.
Buffy walked around the table and put a hand gently on Dawn's shoulder. "Are you okay?"
Dawn looked up, trying to smile in response to her sister's question, but it got lost in the midst of a sob which escaped her lips instead.
"Hey, it'll be okay," Buffy said wrapping her arms around Dawn, holding her for a moment. "Xander?" she asked, more for confirmation than any actual need to know.
Dawn nodded her head up and down. Buffy didn't need to say anymore. And she wasn't *that* much wrapped up in her own life to totally miss what Dawn had been going through over the last few weeks.
"I don't know what to do?" Dawn asked.
"About Xander?"
Dawn nodded.
Buffy took a deep breath. She had tried to stay out of Dawn and Xander's relationship as much as possible. She was happy for them. At least she was when she could see how happy they were. At the moment however, that was not the impression that Dawn was giving her, and she wondered if now was when she should tell Dawn her thoughts.
"Do you love him?" Buffy asked.
Dawn looked at Buffy like she'd just asked the most blatantly obvious question ever heard in the world. She titled her head and raised her eyebrows.
"No, I mean, do you truly love him. To you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?" Buffy ventured carefully.
Dawn shrugged a little. She was tempted to say yes straight away, but something in the words that Buffy spoke made her actually think about the question. "I used to." She got this far away look in her eyes, and Buffy could tell she was reliving some fantasy she'd had. "I think I've dreamt about our wedding and children ever since I had a crush on him."
"But now?"
"I don't know," Dawn admitted. "I mean will Xander and I ever live in the same country again? I may want to go to University in England or he might get posted anywhere if something happens to Vi."
"You know that if you really want it to happen, then you both can make it work," Buffy told her.
"I know," Dawn replied softly. She knew she was having one of those days when you felt just a little too sorry for yourself.
"But, if you aren't sure. I mean if you aren't 100 percent certain that you and Xander will live happily ever after, then you shouldn't cut yourself off from life," Buffy said. She could see that Dawn was about to argue and so she continued. "I'm not saying go out and find yourself someone new right now. God knows don't use me for a guide, but you're only 17 Dawn, you have so much to live for. Trust me, as you grow up feelings can change."
"Don't write my feelings for Xander off like that," Dawn argued.
"I'm not," Buffy relied, keeping her voice calm. She could tell Dawn was putting up protective barriers and the last thing she wanted to do was to get into a shouting match with her sister at this point. "You will find yourself and your feelings growing and changing, and I just don't want you to miss out on anything."
"Is that why you haven't been in contact with Angel...or Spike?" Dawn asked delicately. She had avoided the subject for most of their time in England. Buffy had thrown herself into her new life with such joy, Dawn preferred not to dwell on her past.
Buffy smiled softly. "Time gives you perspective, Dawnie," she told her sister. "Xander's a great guy, and I love him dearly, but I can't tell you what to do; you will have to decide that for yourself."
End Chapter 5