Title: Craving

Author: Mariedex

Spoilers: Four months after FO

Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Jack and Sam slip one night.

Chapter 3


I think that we need to talk Sam. He said more firmly, placing his hand the door so that she couldn't shut it on him.

I don't know really what we need to talk about. It was a slip up and it won't happen again.

Jack watched her for a moment. He wouldn't admit it but those words hurt. He had never actually slipped with Sam. He had underneath everything secretly debated and decided every move with her. It was never just an accident, except last night. Last night was not planned. He didn't plan on stop by her house, he just did. He didn't plan on telling her not to see Martin, he just did. He also didn't plan on sleeping with her, he just did. And he knew that it had hurt her. She had always needed his controlling, comforting side. She had needed his patience with her and last night there was none of that. If you don't want it to happen again Sam it won't.

Then what did we need to talk about?

Can I come in? He asked, not knowing what entering would mean.

Sam looked at him for a moment and shut her eyes secretly strengthening herself to him. Okay, but only for a few minutes. He walked past her and she shut the door behind him. He walked around the room for a moment and then turned to look at him leaning against the door.

I apologize for what I said last night. I was out of line.

Yeah you were.

If Martin makes you happy, than that's good.

But...

But, nothing.

Why the switch?

Because all day I have been berating myself for last night. Trying to figure out why I would say that to you. And the truth is I'm jealous and I shouldn't be. I have no right to be.

You're right. I'm not yours anymore, no territorial claim allowed.

You never were mine Sam. He whispered as she walked away from the door and sat on her couch. I always wanted to apologize for what happened last night. I hurt you and I'm sorry.

Shit, Jack. Why are you being so polite?

I'm trying to apologize.

You fucked me last night and I let you. That's all, don't bring your guilty conscious over to me. It's Marie who you should be apologizing to, not me. I could care less.

I do not need to apologize to Marie. I am apologizing to you because I hurt you and I never intending for that to happen.

YOu know what Jack, I am really not in the mood. This debate about you and MArie has been going on for too long and I am sick of being in the middle of it. You want to use me for sex, than fine just say it and do it. I obviously will let you. But don't come back here apologizing for it. She got up. SHe had been trying to keep civil this entire time, but she was losing the fight.

You think I used you for sex last night. You think that I meant to hurt you like that. Sam, last night I was working on instinct. The only thing that I could think about was how much I needed you, how much I missed you. I missed that feeling of being inside you and I couldn't help myself. It was like this addiction that I needed to feed. I am not proud of how I treated you last night...

But it was a fix. She added. She smiled slightly at him and walked into the kitchen.

It was more than a fix. Jack was now angry. He hated it when she got like this. He hated when she tried to act like nothing hurt her, like she was immune to emotions.

Jack you don't need to explain I understand.

Stop it.

Stop what. He know was standing in the kitchen doorway, so she didn't need to yell anymore.

Stop acting like you don't care. Like you didn't feel used last night. I know you Sam, I know that last night I crossed a line that I had never crossed.

You didn't cross any line that hasn't been crossed before by other men. Don't worry about really. It doesn't matter. She couldn't look at him as she said.

Stop lying to me Samantha.

She hated it when he used her full name, it always sounded so cold. Jack don't give yourself that much credit, to think that you could hurt me. To think that I was not just some fling you had.

I never used you Sam and it was never about sex. You know that. Sam finally looked at him when he said this. And they both just stared at each other. That moment when Barry told me that you were shot, in that moment I couldn't breath. All I could think about was the last moment that we were together and how I never should have let you go. Then the idiot comes out and says that you are bleeding to death and all I am thinking about is that I can't lose you. At the moment I didn't think about Hannah or Katie or Marie or my job, all I could think about was you. About how I couldn't lose you. Then when I saw your face, I had never seen you so weak in my life. It scared me. I didn't want to let you go. Except I had to.

Sam started.

No, I need to talk about this. I need to tell you. When you were in the hospital, I tried to come, several times. Every time I would walk to your door and watch you. I knew that I had to let you go. I had to stop this. But it is so hard to let go. I could tell that you were still hurting but I couldn't do anything about it. Then you start seeing MArtin and suddenly I become the jealous ex. I kept trying to talk myself out of it. I would eat dinner with Marie and all I could think about was that you were out with Martin. Dammit I am having dinner with my wife and I think about you. I miss you Sam. I have missed you for a long time. And last night was wrong, I shouldn't have used you like that. You deserve more than that.

Don't worry about it. She shrugged nonchalantly.

Don't do that Sam. Don't put yourself down like that. I shouldn't have used you last night. No one should ever use you like that. Do you know what hurts the most is that you let me? Before you would have stopped me, slowed me down. But last night, you let me hurt you. You came not because of arousal, but because of pain. I know that much about you.

So what makes you think that I don't like that? She was still very much on the defensive with him.

God, why do you have to act like that? You are not that hard.

Okay, so... what do you want me to say?

I don't know.

Than where does this little talk stand. Am I slut or a victim, Jack?