Title: Craving

Author: Mariedex

Spoilers: Four months after FO

Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Jack and Sam slip one night.

Chapter 4


Jack stood there silent. He didn't know how to respond. How was he supposed to respond to that.

Jack, you know what forget it. I don't need this anymore, so just go. The frustration was evident in her voice.





What do you want me to do? What am I supposed to do right now? I am trying to apologize. I am trying to explain to you what happened.

Jack I don't need to listen. I know what happened. You were frustrated at work, so you went out to a bar to clear your head. Only you didn't want to go home so soon, so you came here to your old standby. The woman who will always spread her legs for you.

He yelled. And grabbed her wrist, bringing her into the bedroom. For a moment, Sam was scared, for a moment she thought that she had really pissed him off. Instead of bringing her to the bed like she had thought, he stood her in front of the mirror. I do not want to hear you ever refer to yourself like that. If I had made you feel like that I am sorry. But look at you. You are a beautiful, intelligent, strong woman. You are not some slut, you never could be no matter how hard you tried. I came here last night because I missed you. I didn't just miss the sex, I missed you and everything that comes with you. I have never once used you to get off. If I wanted that I could always pay for it and than at least there would be no attachments. I came to you because I wanted an attachment. I wanted to know how you wore your hair at home. I wanted to know what you smelled like just out of the shower. I wanted to know what you felt like as you tried to sleep. Sex was never part of the equation of you and it was never what I wanted.

Sam turned and stared at him. She could see the hurt and concern that were in his eyes. You are sexual, Sam and that is okay. But what makes you really sexy is your confidence and this vulnerability you have. He was wrong, you know. Your father was wrong. You are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are strong and you are sexy. And all of that is Samantha Spade. This thing with us got out of control, I am the first one to admit that.

She started to interrupt.

Just wait, it got out of control. We got careless and let things go a bit too far. And that was not fair to you. You had a lot more to lose in this relationship. I know what people would say about you if this got out and that was what killed me the most. And then when OPR asked and you lied to them. You lied for me, to protect me and although I know why, that wasn't your place. I was supposed to protect you and make sure that you didn't get hurt. Somewhere in the middle of this all I fell in love with you and I couldn't stop. But at the moment when I couldn't protect you, I knew I had to do something. I knew we had to end it or it would destroy you. And I was not going to let it destroy you. But although logically in my head I can understand and reason what I did. In my heart, I miss you and I can't have you anymore.

Jack, I can't keep doing this. Sam was crying at this moment.

I know. Jack starts to laugh. You know all last year, I was debating whether to go back to Marie, whether to try again. Than suddenly I decide and now I am trying to figure out what I want out of us.

Is there an us? Can we let it start again? I mean before everyone knew but kept their mouths shut, will they do that again. Danny already yelled at me for last night.



Yeah, he told me to stop this. And the way to stop was to go cold turkey, not see you at all. All night we discussed whether I should transfer or not.

Jack was surprised, he had honestly never thought about it. Maybe I should get demoted, so that I wasn't your superior anymore. He smiled and Sam smiled back at him. God, he missed that smile. That one that was only reserved for him.

You would hate that.

You would hate being transferred.



So maybe we should just hold out on the decisions for now.



And just see where we want this to go.

I don't want to be your mistress anymore Jack. She said it firmly, this was the first time she had ever said anything like that. Ever told him honestly how she felt about their affair.

I don't want you to be either. That was all he had to say. That was all that she needed from him. At this moment their relationship was much more than a fling, it was more than an attachment or an addiction. It was a future.