First of all, all but Darth can just skip this, you won't be able to see this text soon in any case…

It's alright, I was rather acidic as well, due to the fact that I was stressed and felt that I really needed to produce more material – a situation in which being pushed isn't the best. You weren't the only one nagging however, so the blame is not yours alone. I apologize as well.

However, without any sarcasm this time, I would be grateful if you also apologized to Chris-Chris (From Fear to Hope, Breath of Fire). You were a little harsh to her, that's honest, and she was truly hurt and discouraged from writing. Criticism is fine as long as it is constructive :)

Onwards to the story!

The Janus saga; Failed Takes

Hey ya'll. Yeah, you've really been starved on updates this summer, therefore I will now treat you with a hopefully amusing scenes that went completely wrong during the writing of them. Did you think that the characters are cooperative or something? Heck no…

I make these up as I go, so there's no real continuity apart from that they come in a somewhat good timeline. However, I'll shamelessly jump forwards and only give you the funniest moments available. Aren't I lazy? Bah.

Okay, okay, I'm in there too, but if anyone sees anything Mary Sueish about my existence in the scene of crime just say so and I will tenfold the torture of myself, across my heart. ;) 

Apart from these parodies, there will also eventually be a couple of scenes that I really, really wanted to do, but that the plot wouldn't allow.

From Magus' quest:

If you thought there'd be a chapter 1, think again

 "Alright everyone!" Weiila shouted as she entered the set, waving with her black pencil and the script, "lunch break is over, everybody get ready!"

    She almost crashed into Ozzie who hovered before her, wearing an "I'm not gonna take it any longer!" face.

 "Okay, what's up?" the author tiredly said.

 "Will you get Gilgamesh to throw away that steak already?!" Ozzie snarled, "he's still trying to make us eat it!"

 "Should have forced Molor to gulp it down a year ago, shouldn't I?"

    Weiila grunted to herself and looked around for the runaway Final Fantasy V villain. Ever since he had managed to overcome his fear for Pokémon and had caught Pikachu he had tried to serve the cretin to everyone. It was a hobby by now.

    But Gilly had already run away.

 "What a surprise…"

    Weiila raised her voice.

 "Anyway! Cave scene part two! Flea, Slash, Magus, Frog!"

 "Sheez, I hate this…" the pink skinned magician grunted as Slash turned into a faint smoke drifting into his pal's skin.

 "Dost thee think that I am happy about my place in this?" Frog growled while Magus with an irritated mutter picked him up.

 "Silence you idiots," the warlock snapped, "you know she and all her psychotic friends love making things worse if given a chance."

 "Indeed I do," the author grinned from her position several yards away, "for as you know I am the…"

    At this point Magus chimed in and even allowed himself an amused smirk as he recited together with Weiila:

 "… Evil Queen, Devourer of Souls, High Priestess of the Psychopath Society, and Mistress of Mayhem*."

 "And don't you forget it!" the author finished with a chuckle.

 "Oh, I for one won't," Magus said, trying to sound irritated but still lingering in the smirk.

    Weiila gave him a fond sneer and then waved with the pencil.

 "Alright, let's get this done!"

    The small living room changed into a huge cave. A faint circle of light could be seen on the floor near one of the walls. Flea and Magus moved up on either side of the magic roundness.

 "Oookay," Weiila said while everyone else backed off, "you just saved Frog and now there'll be a bit of banter as you know. I haven't fleshed out my notes yet so improvise if you feel like it."

    She wandered off, not for real questioning herself on why she kept giving them opportunities to be silly. It was too funny to be let down, and they stayed less murderous about what she put them through.

    After a while it gets very tiring to be a master ducker of sharp things and spells of varied kinds.

    On the other hand, the scenes that didn't include Magus tended to have a less humorous brand even when the script wasn't followed. He just did it to people. Sometimes. At other times he was just fooling around like everyone else, depended on his mood completely.

 "Lesse some blood!" Weiila shouted before melting into the background and setting herself before her computer to type the events down.

    Magus changed stance so that it would look like he was just landed on the ground and was trying to get up, carrying the knight he despised oh so much.

 "Why did thou cometh to my aid?" Frog whispered.
 "You just shut up!" Magus growled.
    He was already regretting his quick decision.
 "My, what a sweet reunion!" Flea laughed.
    He continued, mocking Frog's way of talking:
 "Lord Magus, I bideth thee welcometh! How abouteth a littleth barbaqueth to celebrateth? Powers of the worldeth… doh!"

 "Yeah, here! Fry him for all I care!" Magus shouted, hurling Frog into the air as Flea stumbled on the words.

 "Why theee…!"

    Flea mechanically reached out and grabbed the knight's right ankle as he was about to crash land head first beside the magician.

    Suppressed laughter could be heard from all over the set as Frog calmly crossed his arms there he hung upside down.

 "I believeth thou enjoy fanfiction more than thou will ever admit," the knight stated.

 "As long as I get to toy with the script and everyone else, of course," Magus said.

    Weiila's voice made it through the giggles:

 "Alright, try again!"

 "Waaait!" Frog helplessly complained as he made a second flight over the circle.

    Magus caught him and went back into position.

 "Lord Magus, I bideth thee welcometh! How abouteth a littleth barbaqueth to celebrateth? Powers of the world, lend me the power of Lightning!"

    The warlock fled backwards, trying not to drop Frog in the process.

 "You better add a rant about why I'm so frantic on getting away!" Magus called while dancing out of reach for the bolts.

 "Yeah, and something about why you're not letting them make charcoal of Frog, too!" Weiila shouted back in agreement.

 "Apart from that I want to do it myself!"

 "Sure!"

 "I hateth my job…"

 "You're not on the bad side of her favorite characters!" Magus snarled under his breath and spun to face Flea-and-Slash as the swordsman spoke.

 "Why don't you say something, lord Magus?" Slash asked with a mean smile upon Flea's lips, "we haven't seen each other in such a long time, and you don't even greet us?"

 "Pha!"

    Silence.

 "What?" Flea finally said after a few seconds.

 "Last I did this all the furniture went to splinter heaven," Magus pointed out.

 "And my favorite chair!" Schala shouted from somewhere in the set.

 "Exactly."

 "I made the living room magic proof this time," Weiila called, "yes, I'm certain!"

 "Alright. Powers of the underworld…!"

 "Do we have to do this!?" Slash screeched while he in his host body zoomed towards the wall due to the magic pressure.

    The three bodies slumped to the floor, but soon got up again.

 "That was not very smart, indeed," Flea said, regaining the breath, "did you leave your brain outside, cutie?"

    Magus staggered and leaned against the wall, contemplating what to do next.

    Silence.

 "Frog, you're supposed to call the Masamune!" Lucca helpfully shouted from off scene.

    No reply.

    Magus held up a motionless form by the ankle.

 "He's out cold," he concluded.

 "And I bet you're saying 'Oops', just like last time?" Marle scolded while stepping through the cave wall and grabbing Frog from the warlock in order to heal him.

 "I refrushethth to take part in thlish endeavo… gh…" Frog slurred, trying to wave with his hand in a determined way from his lying position.

 "That's what I always say," Magus snorted and crossed his arms, "but does anyone listen to me?"

 "Take it from the beginning when he wakes up, I need to work some things out to make it better!" Weiila ordered from afar.

 "See?"

 "And the magic system…" they heard Weiila mutter, "I'll have to work on this… and then the sequel…"

    One second of silence. Then:

 "The what?!"

    Over by her table the author flung up her notebook and wrote:

                                Stop thinking aloud.

 "Moving on people! In position!" she shouted, hoping they wouldn't go berserk right away.

    Just in case, she clutched her pen tightly. It usually kept them back a little, as the notes she kept writing always were way more messy than the computer rewrites.

    Growling and cursing silently everyone got back in position. Flea sighed but straightened up on his and Slash's side of the circle.

 "Lord Magus, I bideth…"

 "Aaaiiieee!!"

    The banshee cry was followed by the sound of a chair falling over. Weiila darted into the set and took cover behind the pink-skinned magician.

 "Keep him away from me!!"

 "For Lizard's sake…" Slash grunted.

    Molor slithered in, caught Magus' eye and raised the tip of his tail to his black forehead in a form of salute, then went back into hiding followed by the warlock's wide sneer.

 "You get yourself a giant snake when you're afraid of them," Slash sighed and waved with Flea's arms in a hopeless gesture, "I rest my case."

 "Dammit Magus!" the author snarled.

 "Suits you right for all you've put me through!" he retorted.

 "You've seen nothing yet!" Weiila promised and stomped back to her computer.

 "And I'm keeping firm contact with Molor!"

    Fingers snapped and the set changed into the living room again. Weiila leaned her head in her palm.

 "Alright, alright, you win, Magus. Get Cecil and the FF4 crew down here then, I'll work with you later."

 "Way to go…!" Flea hissed from the corner of his mouth while Magus let Frog down.

    He winked with one eye and went to fetch his book before leaving. As everyone else ran off as quickly as they could, this left him alone in the room with Weiila. Pondering for a moment and glancing at the stair leading up, he stood still. Waiting.

    Weiila didn't seem to notice him, scrolling through a screenful of text before her.

    Suddenly the mouse arrow froze and she perked up as if waking from a dream suddenly. The chair spun against the exit and she cupped her hands around her lips to empower her voice as she shouted:

 "And tell Zeromus to use the bloody…"

    A crash shook the whole house and the room filled with dust and falling pieces of the ceiling. In the middle of the chaos stood a gray, pulsating nightmare of claws and evil.

 "… Stair," Weiila sighed.

    Magus just calmly scratched a piece of concrete off his shoulder and walked past the apologizing demon with a chuckle.

*Taken directly from my very dear friend StarStorm's online comic (on hold, but I'm still hoping) "Fanauthor Fancomics". Magus is supposed to say this about me in one of the introduction strips.

Release of the beast in chapter 6:

 "Okay you guys, play it nice even if Molor is in this scene, alright?!" Weiila shouted and suppressed a shudder.

    It was time for the moment when the warlock met his life time companion in Dalton's dungeons.

 "Fine, so I cut the bars and he comes flowing out?" Magus called to the wall.

 "That's it, yeah!"

    Magus changed grip of his scythe and nodded at Schala in the beginning of the scene. Then he raised his weapon and easily severed the bars on the floor with four quick cuts.

    The bars fell into the darkness, everybody waited for the hard clang of metal against stone…

 Thud!

 "Haisss!" came a hissed groan of pain from below.

    Magus threw the scythe aside – nearly severing Frog's head had he not ducked – and fell down on his knees to peek into the dusk.

 "Are you alright, Molor?" he asked, regret sounding extraordinary strange in his voice.

    A hiss came back and Magus backed a little as the big black head grew up from the hole.

    A bump was visible on the otherwise perfect, scaly skin.

 "Na matala sela…" Frog sighed, quickly healing the snake.

    Molor disappeared down again and the bars reappeared.

 "Sorry about that," Weiila called, "try it again."

    Magus called his weapon to his hand and once again cut the bars.

    Metal hit stone in the darkness, which gave a hideous creature in return. Hissing angrily a dark body continued exploding upwards for what seemed like an eternity. In the end a surely twelve feet long, black snake laid… motionless on the floor. A helpless hissing left the hard, black lips.

 "Now what?" Weiila said, coming through the wall.

    Snakes freaked her out no matter the size and origin from real life or fantasy, but she also had something against suffering. Even if certain characters never would believe that.

    Magus sat down to listen to the hissing again. Molor looked rather pathetic as the warlock lifted his big head into his lap.

 "He overstrained a muscle," the dark magician reported.

 "He is a muscle!"

 "Exactly!"

 "You poor thing…"

    And thus, this scene was put on hold as well, as many before it had been.

    Meaning that another plan of the two dark companions was successful. You sneaky little…