Disclaimer: I own a slice of cake! But since I'm about to eat that, I own nothing. Not even cake anymore. :(
((Author Note: Eep! How long has it been since I last updated? And don't answer that, it was rhetorical! And the rhetorical answer is January 5th, for you smart alecks who wanted to answer that. The reason why it took so long was that once again I came down with a bad case of writer's block, then I simply lost interest. It wasn't until I tried to write another fan fic (which never made it past the second sentence before I lost interest) that I decided to finish this chapter. Will chapter 5 see the light of day before 2003? Who knows? Review, for apparently only 8 people have read this.))
Adventures in Insanity
Episode 4: "Fireball!"
Last time, a bunch of stuff happened. Ron killed a monk, then he killed a Pansy, then he got into a duel with Snape. Draco and Neville managed to escape the Potions lab in search of the Great Hall. And so we return after an almost six month absence. Blargh.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
While the heroes of our story make their way to the Great Hall, the camera brings the viewer's attention to the Slytherin common room, where the Sacred Fish is pacing in its tank.
"Where can he be? Honestly, has everyone forsaken me? Not only does that punk kid not help me when he promised he would, but now that bumbling fool has turned his back on me. After everything... I even restored his memory for this! I'm hungry..." The shark stopped its rant to smile and laugh evilly, its sharp teeth gleaming in the light, even though there was no light to be found anywhere, as no one bothered to leave any lights on.
The Sacred Fish's maniacal laughter was interrupted when a figure cloaked in bright pink shadows stumbled into the room. "So I haven't been completely forsaken..."
And so, after whoever is in charge of the music decides to stop playing that dark and foreboding music (stop it!), we finally return to our reluctant heroes, who have just entered the Great Hall, where there was a disco going on.
Draco blinked. "Okay... This is very disturbing. What the--? Is that Dumbledore having tea with Voldemort?!" Indeed the Headmaster was doing just that. "Perhaps it would be better to just leave."
Girl-type Neville blocked the exit. "No way. Not until I get hot water, and get out of this fic for good. So come on!" He/she dragged poor Draco across the Great Hall, where indeed people were disco dancing, over to the head table, where the tea party was taking place, and forced him into a chair across from the Headmaster and Dark Lord.
Draco glanced at everyone at the table, then settled his steely glare on Voldemort. "This is all your doing, isn't it?" The Dark Lord looked to him in shock. "I've figured out that all of this," he gestured around him, "is the work of some spell. Most likely dark magic. So tell me. Is this, or is this not, your doing?"
Voldemort -- who thankfully was not wearing his costume from the first chapter, and had in fact regressed into his 16-year-old form of Tom Riddle -- cleared his throat. "Although I'd like to claim responsibility, I cannot. I, too, have been drawn into this." He stood up, and gestured to his clothes (dark blue pants and top), which were actually rather plain and mild, compared to what other students were wearing. He then gestured to his hair, a dark blue, and eyes, a yellowish green. For some reason, his sixteen year old self looked no older than 12. "I only wish that I knew which show I'm supposed to be from. All I know is that I'm from the same one that some red-haired girl is in, and she is supposed to be one of the heroes, while I am not."
Draco growled and cursed his luck, while Neville poured hot water over himself, returning to his boy form. Some boys that had followed them to the table looked around to see where the girl had gone, lowering the bouquets of flowers they held in their hands. Neville noticed, and leaped over the table to beat them up.
"You sick perverts! Stop following me! I am a guy! A guy!" That went on for a while, so Draco just ignored them and looked around the room. (Dumbledore had mysteriously vanished, and Voldemort was playing with small golden-yellow marbles.)
There wasn't anything much happening to speak of, just a bunch of students and professors disco dancing. Or so that's how it seemed, until he noticed what could only be the red-haired girl that Tom Riddle had spoken of across the room, looking increasingly annoyed. Draco blinked a few times. "It figures," he muttered as he realized that she was Ginny Weasley, and that she had just blasted some poor jerk with a fireball. "I swear, if this is one of those fics that pair the two of us together, there'll be hell to pay..."
With that pathetic and not-so-ominous threat loitering about in the air, Draco stood up and slowly approached her, carefully making sure that he didn't make any sudden moves in her presence. He stopped when he heard her screaming something at the aforementioned poor jerk.
"And that's for telling me that the author is over her writer's block and wants me to star in this! Fireball!" She blasted the guy again, and spun around to face Draco, who froze. The twice-blasted poor jerk crawled away, never to be heard from again. "And I guess you're my sidekick," Ginny greeted, not impressed.
Draco unfroze, an indignant expression on his face. "Excuse me? I have been the star of the previous three chapters of this insanity fic, so I am not your sidekick! Even in the real story, I'm not anyone's sidekick! If anything, you're the sidekick! Or at least would be if the author didn't want you to be one of the heroes helping me out. Are you even listening?!"
Indeed Ginny was not, for she was busy blasting at a group of students dressed like random anime bandits, taking whatever treasure they had, and proclaiming 'victory!'. When she noticed Draco was done with his speech, she turned to face him once again. "I suppose I'll let you tag along... But whatever treasure we find, I keep! Do I make myself clear?"
"Whatever." There was a long pause. "Um, doesn't a chapter usually end when someone new joins the hero party--"
"-Tachi."
The purple-haired Slytherin blinked. "Huh?"
"-Tachi is used to describe groups. Like one could say 'Ginny and her fellow adventurers', or else 'Ginny-tachi'. Of course, calling something merely a '-tachi' is wrong and would indicate poor Japanese skills. And since it's just the two of us right now, I suppose saying 'Ginny-tachi' right now is wrong, too. When we get someone else into the group, then that term will be used." She nodded, thus ending her exposition.
Draco sweatdropped. "Um, since I'm the main character, wouldn't it be 'Draco-tachi', instead?"
Hellmaster Voldemort shot a random blast of dark magic at them, missing them on purpose. "If you two don't knock it off and get a move on, I'm gonna kill the both of you!" He paused. "Of course, that might not be such a bad idea..."
Now it was Ginny's turn to sweatdrop. "Um, maybe we should get out of here. For now. But before we go, FIREBALL FIREBALL FIREBALL!" She blasted Voldemort with a few fireballs, then grabbed Draco's wrist, and ran out of the Great Hall, dragging the flying Slytherin behind her.
Once they exited, the sorceress began to barricade the door, while the purple-haired one watched on. "Um, isn't Neville supposed to be part of the group?"
"He's a martial artist. If he's supposed to be part of the group, he'll find his own way out. Of course, now I think we know who one of the villains might be. At least, sometime in the future." Done with barricading the door, she sat down, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Of course, he's breaking the rule. I'm not sure if it was mentioned or not, but there was only supposed to be one character per series. That means we might never see him again. At least not as the same character."
Draco just stared at her. "The only reason you're here is for exposition, isn't it?"
"Baka!" Ginny smacked him over the head with a paper fan. "We're not supposed to mention that word! Weren't you given the rule book?" She paused and shook her head. "Nevermind. No, I don't exist for... that reason. I'm here because I fulfill the role of magic user, just as you fulfill the role of warrior. We only need to find the healer, and the dumb swordsman, and our group will truly be complete."
"More rules?"
The talkative red head nodded. "Most adventuring groups are set up that way. Ready? Let's go!" She raised her fist in the air as a particularly energetic rock song (otherwise known as the ending theme) started.
Draco looked around for the source of the music. "Where's that coming from?" He got smacked with a mallet this time as the words 'To be continued' appeared on the non-existent screen.
After the ending song ended (hee!), the next episode preview began.
Ginny: "Hi! I'm here to tell you about the next episode, as is proper in most anime series!"
Draco: "Will you quit with that whole 'properness' crap?! You're sounding just like mudblood Granger!"
Ginny: "Fireball!"
Draco: "Itai..."
Ginny: "As I was saying, next episode should be even better. Not only will I get to beat on and torment Draco some more--"
Draco: "Hey!"
Ginny: "--But we'll be one chapter closer to the end. Which means I'll be one chapter closer to getting my paycheck! Wai!"
Draco: "You get a paycheck?! How come I don't get a paycheck?!"
Ginny: "Join us in 'Thrills, Spills, Draco's Breath Kills!'"
Draco: "What the--? What kind of title is that?!"
Ginny: "Join us!"
Translations
-tachi = Ginny explained it pretty well. It's a short way of saying that everyone's part of a group.
Baka = Idiot, moron, jellyfish-for-brains, etc.
Itai = Ow
Wai = Yay!
((Author Note: Eep! How long has it been since I last updated? And don't answer that, it was rhetorical! And the rhetorical answer is January 5th, for you smart alecks who wanted to answer that. The reason why it took so long was that once again I came down with a bad case of writer's block, then I simply lost interest. It wasn't until I tried to write another fan fic (which never made it past the second sentence before I lost interest) that I decided to finish this chapter. Will chapter 5 see the light of day before 2003? Who knows? Review, for apparently only 8 people have read this.))
Last time, a bunch of stuff happened. Ron killed a monk, then he killed a Pansy, then he got into a duel with Snape. Draco and Neville managed to escape the Potions lab in search of the Great Hall. And so we return after an almost six month absence. Blargh.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
While the heroes of our story make their way to the Great Hall, the camera brings the viewer's attention to the Slytherin common room, where the Sacred Fish is pacing in its tank.
"Where can he be? Honestly, has everyone forsaken me? Not only does that punk kid not help me when he promised he would, but now that bumbling fool has turned his back on me. After everything... I even restored his memory for this! I'm hungry..." The shark stopped its rant to smile and laugh evilly, its sharp teeth gleaming in the light, even though there was no light to be found anywhere, as no one bothered to leave any lights on.
The Sacred Fish's maniacal laughter was interrupted when a figure cloaked in bright pink shadows stumbled into the room. "So I haven't been completely forsaken..."
And so, after whoever is in charge of the music decides to stop playing that dark and foreboding music (stop it!), we finally return to our reluctant heroes, who have just entered the Great Hall, where there was a disco going on.
Draco blinked. "Okay... This is very disturbing. What the--? Is that Dumbledore having tea with Voldemort?!" Indeed the Headmaster was doing just that. "Perhaps it would be better to just leave."
Girl-type Neville blocked the exit. "No way. Not until I get hot water, and get out of this fic for good. So come on!" He/she dragged poor Draco across the Great Hall, where indeed people were disco dancing, over to the head table, where the tea party was taking place, and forced him into a chair across from the Headmaster and Dark Lord.
Draco glanced at everyone at the table, then settled his steely glare on Voldemort. "This is all your doing, isn't it?" The Dark Lord looked to him in shock. "I've figured out that all of this," he gestured around him, "is the work of some spell. Most likely dark magic. So tell me. Is this, or is this not, your doing?"
Voldemort -- who thankfully was not wearing his costume from the first chapter, and had in fact regressed into his 16-year-old form of Tom Riddle -- cleared his throat. "Although I'd like to claim responsibility, I cannot. I, too, have been drawn into this." He stood up, and gestured to his clothes (dark blue pants and top), which were actually rather plain and mild, compared to what other students were wearing. He then gestured to his hair, a dark blue, and eyes, a yellowish green. For some reason, his sixteen year old self looked no older than 12. "I only wish that I knew which show I'm supposed to be from. All I know is that I'm from the same one that some red-haired girl is in, and she is supposed to be one of the heroes, while I am not."
Draco growled and cursed his luck, while Neville poured hot water over himself, returning to his boy form. Some boys that had followed them to the table looked around to see where the girl had gone, lowering the bouquets of flowers they held in their hands. Neville noticed, and leaped over the table to beat them up.
"You sick perverts! Stop following me! I am a guy! A guy!" That went on for a while, so Draco just ignored them and looked around the room. (Dumbledore had mysteriously vanished, and Voldemort was playing with small golden-yellow marbles.)
There wasn't anything much happening to speak of, just a bunch of students and professors disco dancing. Or so that's how it seemed, until he noticed what could only be the red-haired girl that Tom Riddle had spoken of across the room, looking increasingly annoyed. Draco blinked a few times. "It figures," he muttered as he realized that she was Ginny Weasley, and that she had just blasted some poor jerk with a fireball. "I swear, if this is one of those fics that pair the two of us together, there'll be hell to pay..."
With that pathetic and not-so-ominous threat loitering about in the air, Draco stood up and slowly approached her, carefully making sure that he didn't make any sudden moves in her presence. He stopped when he heard her screaming something at the aforementioned poor jerk.
"And that's for telling me that the author is over her writer's block and wants me to star in this! Fireball!" She blasted the guy again, and spun around to face Draco, who froze. The twice-blasted poor jerk crawled away, never to be heard from again. "And I guess you're my sidekick," Ginny greeted, not impressed.
Draco unfroze, an indignant expression on his face. "Excuse me? I have been the star of the previous three chapters of this insanity fic, so I am not your sidekick! Even in the real story, I'm not anyone's sidekick! If anything, you're the sidekick! Or at least would be if the author didn't want you to be one of the heroes helping me out. Are you even listening?!"
Indeed Ginny was not, for she was busy blasting at a group of students dressed like random anime bandits, taking whatever treasure they had, and proclaiming 'victory!'. When she noticed Draco was done with his speech, she turned to face him once again. "I suppose I'll let you tag along... But whatever treasure we find, I keep! Do I make myself clear?"
"Whatever." There was a long pause. "Um, doesn't a chapter usually end when someone new joins the hero party--"
"-Tachi."
The purple-haired Slytherin blinked. "Huh?"
"-Tachi is used to describe groups. Like one could say 'Ginny and her fellow adventurers', or else 'Ginny-tachi'. Of course, calling something merely a '-tachi' is wrong and would indicate poor Japanese skills. And since it's just the two of us right now, I suppose saying 'Ginny-tachi' right now is wrong, too. When we get someone else into the group, then that term will be used." She nodded, thus ending her exposition.
Draco sweatdropped. "Um, since I'm the main character, wouldn't it be 'Draco-tachi', instead?"
Hellmaster Voldemort shot a random blast of dark magic at them, missing them on purpose. "If you two don't knock it off and get a move on, I'm gonna kill the both of you!" He paused. "Of course, that might not be such a bad idea..."
Now it was Ginny's turn to sweatdrop. "Um, maybe we should get out of here. For now. But before we go, FIREBALL FIREBALL FIREBALL!" She blasted Voldemort with a few fireballs, then grabbed Draco's wrist, and ran out of the Great Hall, dragging the flying Slytherin behind her.
Once they exited, the sorceress began to barricade the door, while the purple-haired one watched on. "Um, isn't Neville supposed to be part of the group?"
"He's a martial artist. If he's supposed to be part of the group, he'll find his own way out. Of course, now I think we know who one of the villains might be. At least, sometime in the future." Done with barricading the door, she sat down, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Of course, he's breaking the rule. I'm not sure if it was mentioned or not, but there was only supposed to be one character per series. That means we might never see him again. At least not as the same character."
Draco just stared at her. "The only reason you're here is for exposition, isn't it?"
"Baka!" Ginny smacked him over the head with a paper fan. "We're not supposed to mention that word! Weren't you given the rule book?" She paused and shook her head. "Nevermind. No, I don't exist for... that reason. I'm here because I fulfill the role of magic user, just as you fulfill the role of warrior. We only need to find the healer, and the dumb swordsman, and our group will truly be complete."
"More rules?"
The talkative red head nodded. "Most adventuring groups are set up that way. Ready? Let's go!" She raised her fist in the air as a particularly energetic rock song (otherwise known as the ending theme) started.
Draco looked around for the source of the music. "Where's that coming from?" He got smacked with a mallet this time as the words 'To be continued' appeared on the non-existent screen.
After the ending song ended (hee!), the next episode preview began.
Ginny: "Hi! I'm here to tell you about the next episode, as is proper in most anime series!"
Draco: "Will you quit with that whole 'properness' crap?! You're sounding just like mudblood Granger!"
Ginny: "Fireball!"
Draco: "Itai..."
Ginny: "As I was saying, next episode should be even better. Not only will I get to beat on and torment Draco some more--"
Draco: "Hey!"
Ginny: "--But we'll be one chapter closer to the end. Which means I'll be one chapter closer to getting my paycheck! Wai!"
Draco: "You get a paycheck?! How come I don't get a paycheck?!"
Ginny: "Join us in 'Thrills, Spills, Draco's Breath Kills!'"
Draco: "What the--? What kind of title is that?!"
Ginny: "Join us!"
Translations
-tachi = Ginny explained it pretty well. It's a short way of saying that everyone's part of a group.
Baka = Idiot, moron, jellyfish-for-brains, etc.
Itai = Ow
Wai = Yay!