Disclaimer: Woe there be. Nothing belongs to me. Except the Sacred Fish. Whee!
((Author Note: I really need to update this more. Originally, I hadn't planned on writing anything past the first chapter, but I got bored and wrote more. And then more. And then it started to bug me that I left this unfinished. So I am curently trying to finish this. There are some ideas I had floating around in my head that I was going to use for this chapter, but couldn't find anywhere to place them. So, I'll probably end up forgetting them. For my fans, sorry for the lateness, and why do I have fans in the first place? Enjoy!))
Adventures in Insanity
Episode 5: Oh no!! We finally get a plot!
Last time, Draco and Neville made it to the Great Hall, where a group of overly amorous boys accosted the poor gender-bender with flowers and candy. That is, until he splashed himself with hot water, thus reverting to his male form, and left to beat them up. Then, a hotheaded sorceress named Ginny joined in the fun, attempting to steal our hero's spotlight while setting many fires in the process. The two of them left the Great Hall after unceremoniously flaming Voldemort many, many times. It was then that the group dynamics were clarified, and the two went off to search for the others.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
The pair walked through the corridors of Hogwarts, Draco grumbling about foul tempered red heads trying to steal his spotlight, and Ginny shooting him glares every now and then. It seemed as though they had been walking forever, not getting anywhere. Nothing in their surroundings were the least bit familiar, making him believe that they were hopelessly lost.
"Where are we?" he finally asked, stopping to look around.
Ginny shrugged. "Dunno. Hell, maybe?"
Draco sighed. "Hell I'm familiar with. I've been trapped there since the first chapter. What did I do to deserve this?"
"Well, you act like a prat in the real story, so perhaps it's karma?"
It was Draco's turn to glare at Ginny. "Why can't you be shy and quiet, like you are in the books?"
The ill-tempered mage simply smiled. "You forget that in the real story, my brother once said something along the lines of how I was usually very talkative and outgoing when not around Harry. I don't see him anywhere around, do you?"
Draco smiled crookedly. "Thank god."
Ginny's eyes narrowed, and she raised her hand, palm pointed at the purple-haired bishonen. "Fireball!"
The extra-crispy boy coughed out a puff of smoke. "Is there any way to get this story with before I become a human barbecue?"
The pyromaniac shrugged, and turned to examine a door that they had passed many, many times. "Yeah, if you keep your mouth shut. Hey, check this out. I don't like the looks of this door."
Draco, now unexplainably clean for someone who had just been flame-broiled, stepped closer for a look. "I don't like it, either. Of course, it does say 'First villain through here', so I can't imagine that there's anything to like about it." He was hit over the head with a mallet for his troubles.
"Baka! And besides, it also says 'Free donuts, inquire within'. Mmm... Donuts."
"They're probably poisoned-- Ow!" Yet another mallet was introduced to his head.
Led by her extreme hunger, Ginny opened the door, and walked inside, not caring that it was an apparent trap. Even though he didn't really care about whether she survived the chapter or not, Draco was forced into the room as well when the most disturbing sight of Filch and his cat doing the Macarena down the hall greeted him.
The reluctant hero took in his surroundings, looking disgusted at the lilac colored décor all around him. There was something inherently familiar with all of this, but he couldn't quite place his finger on it...
"The author wouldn't be that cruel, would she?" Ginny muttered under her breath as she too looked around.
That prompted a fruity sounding laugh from somewhere behind them, and a bright pink shadow appearing out from where there was once normal looking shadows. "I can't believe that the two of you would be stupid enough to fall into my trap. Of course, that goes without saying, because only I could ever think of something as clever as luring you here with food. I marvel at my own genius!"
"She would," Draco replied.
Indeed, as further proof of author evilness and/or insanity, before them stood Gilderoy Lockhart, dressed most garishly in bright orange robes with pink trim. His teeth sparkled as he smiled dumbly, waiting for them to say something.
Ginny smirked, and cracked her knuckles. "Che. I suppose we'll be fighting you now, won't we. Yoshi!" She took a spell casting stance and began chanting. "Darkness beyond twilight / crimson beyond blood that flows..."
Although Draco had never seen any anime at all in his life, let alone the one that Ginny was supposed to come from, he instinctively knew that the spell she was casting was very bad. He ducked under a table that was conveniently nearby, and boosted his ki for further protection from the very bad spell.
Lockhart made the previous actions unnecessary, as he held out a piece of paper and began to speak. "I must warn you that if you proceed any further, there could be complications that I'm sure none of us would like to face."
Ginny stopped as she recognized the paper he held in his hand. A contract. Although it wasn't hers, on it was the frightening name of a character worlds away, in a fanfic she might never get to be in. The character she was supposed to be representing in this fic.
The former professor smiled. "You get it now, don't you? Complete the spell, and she will be summoned here. And while I must complement your near mastery of her character, you still pale in comparison to the real deal." He laughed, and cast a spell that surrounded him with cherry blossom petals. "Of course, all pale in comparison to me, but that's not really the point, is it." Without warning, he blasted Ginny into the far wall, knocking her unconscious.
"Ginny!" Draco shouted (as he would never lower himself to scream her name, even under these most ridiculous circumstances). He stood up, knocking the table he had been hiding under, while gold sparks surrounded him.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Ginny: "Wow, things are getting tense."
Draco: "Aren't you supposed to be unconscious?"
Ginny: "It's the next episode preview, silly."
Draco: "Yare, yare..."
Ginny: "So next episode we get to see our first real fight scene, and get some answers on what's really going on."
Draco: "I thought I was just being tormented..."
Ginny: "Nope! The next episode is 'Wai! Fisshu sutikkusu!'"
Draco: "God, I need a drink..."
Translations
Bishonen = Pretty boy
Baka = Idiot, moron, etc.
Che = Just a sound. Much like hmph. Is also an interjection (i.e. Damn! And some harsher stuff)
Yoshi = All right! OK!
Ki = Life force; energy
Yare = Is an exclamation of relief or disappointment. Closest English equivalent is "my, my"
Wai = Yay!
Fisshu sutikkusu = Fishsticks
((Author Note: I really need to update this more. Originally, I hadn't planned on writing anything past the first chapter, but I got bored and wrote more. And then more. And then it started to bug me that I left this unfinished. So I am curently trying to finish this. There are some ideas I had floating around in my head that I was going to use for this chapter, but couldn't find anywhere to place them. So, I'll probably end up forgetting them. For my fans, sorry for the lateness, and why do I have fans in the first place? Enjoy!))
Last time, Draco and Neville made it to the Great Hall, where a group of overly amorous boys accosted the poor gender-bender with flowers and candy. That is, until he splashed himself with hot water, thus reverting to his male form, and left to beat them up. Then, a hotheaded sorceress named Ginny joined in the fun, attempting to steal our hero's spotlight while setting many fires in the process. The two of them left the Great Hall after unceremoniously flaming Voldemort many, many times. It was then that the group dynamics were clarified, and the two went off to search for the others.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
The pair walked through the corridors of Hogwarts, Draco grumbling about foul tempered red heads trying to steal his spotlight, and Ginny shooting him glares every now and then. It seemed as though they had been walking forever, not getting anywhere. Nothing in their surroundings were the least bit familiar, making him believe that they were hopelessly lost.
"Where are we?" he finally asked, stopping to look around.
Ginny shrugged. "Dunno. Hell, maybe?"
Draco sighed. "Hell I'm familiar with. I've been trapped there since the first chapter. What did I do to deserve this?"
"Well, you act like a prat in the real story, so perhaps it's karma?"
It was Draco's turn to glare at Ginny. "Why can't you be shy and quiet, like you are in the books?"
The ill-tempered mage simply smiled. "You forget that in the real story, my brother once said something along the lines of how I was usually very talkative and outgoing when not around Harry. I don't see him anywhere around, do you?"
Draco smiled crookedly. "Thank god."
Ginny's eyes narrowed, and she raised her hand, palm pointed at the purple-haired bishonen. "Fireball!"
The extra-crispy boy coughed out a puff of smoke. "Is there any way to get this story with before I become a human barbecue?"
The pyromaniac shrugged, and turned to examine a door that they had passed many, many times. "Yeah, if you keep your mouth shut. Hey, check this out. I don't like the looks of this door."
Draco, now unexplainably clean for someone who had just been flame-broiled, stepped closer for a look. "I don't like it, either. Of course, it does say 'First villain through here', so I can't imagine that there's anything to like about it." He was hit over the head with a mallet for his troubles.
"Baka! And besides, it also says 'Free donuts, inquire within'. Mmm... Donuts."
"They're probably poisoned-- Ow!" Yet another mallet was introduced to his head.
Led by her extreme hunger, Ginny opened the door, and walked inside, not caring that it was an apparent trap. Even though he didn't really care about whether she survived the chapter or not, Draco was forced into the room as well when the most disturbing sight of Filch and his cat doing the Macarena down the hall greeted him.
The reluctant hero took in his surroundings, looking disgusted at the lilac colored décor all around him. There was something inherently familiar with all of this, but he couldn't quite place his finger on it...
"The author wouldn't be that cruel, would she?" Ginny muttered under her breath as she too looked around.
That prompted a fruity sounding laugh from somewhere behind them, and a bright pink shadow appearing out from where there was once normal looking shadows. "I can't believe that the two of you would be stupid enough to fall into my trap. Of course, that goes without saying, because only I could ever think of something as clever as luring you here with food. I marvel at my own genius!"
"She would," Draco replied.
Indeed, as further proof of author evilness and/or insanity, before them stood Gilderoy Lockhart, dressed most garishly in bright orange robes with pink trim. His teeth sparkled as he smiled dumbly, waiting for them to say something.
Ginny smirked, and cracked her knuckles. "Che. I suppose we'll be fighting you now, won't we. Yoshi!" She took a spell casting stance and began chanting. "Darkness beyond twilight / crimson beyond blood that flows..."
Although Draco had never seen any anime at all in his life, let alone the one that Ginny was supposed to come from, he instinctively knew that the spell she was casting was very bad. He ducked under a table that was conveniently nearby, and boosted his ki for further protection from the very bad spell.
Lockhart made the previous actions unnecessary, as he held out a piece of paper and began to speak. "I must warn you that if you proceed any further, there could be complications that I'm sure none of us would like to face."
Ginny stopped as she recognized the paper he held in his hand. A contract. Although it wasn't hers, on it was the frightening name of a character worlds away, in a fanfic she might never get to be in. The character she was supposed to be representing in this fic.
The former professor smiled. "You get it now, don't you? Complete the spell, and she will be summoned here. And while I must complement your near mastery of her character, you still pale in comparison to the real deal." He laughed, and cast a spell that surrounded him with cherry blossom petals. "Of course, all pale in comparison to me, but that's not really the point, is it." Without warning, he blasted Ginny into the far wall, knocking her unconscious.
"Ginny!" Draco shouted (as he would never lower himself to scream her name, even under these most ridiculous circumstances). He stood up, knocking the table he had been hiding under, while gold sparks surrounded him.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Ginny: "Wow, things are getting tense."
Draco: "Aren't you supposed to be unconscious?"
Ginny: "It's the next episode preview, silly."
Draco: "Yare, yare..."
Ginny: "So next episode we get to see our first real fight scene, and get some answers on what's really going on."
Draco: "I thought I was just being tormented..."
Ginny: "Nope! The next episode is 'Wai! Fisshu sutikkusu!'"
Draco: "God, I need a drink..."
Translations
Bishonen = Pretty boy
Baka = Idiot, moron, etc.
Che = Just a sound. Much like hmph. Is also an interjection (i.e. Damn! And some harsher stuff)
Yoshi = All right! OK!
Ki = Life force; energy
Yare = Is an exclamation of relief or disappointment. Closest English equivalent is "my, my"
Wai = Yay!
Fisshu sutikkusu = Fishsticks