Chapter Six
7 hours of working the triple homicide was enough to make you put a gun to your own head.
Three bodies.
One, a young mother or two.
The two, the young mother's children.
Knifed in the street outside a small diner.
All for a measly $40's.
Nothing was going right.
No prints.
Not suspect.
No witnesses.
Grissom stood, looking out at the desert behind the diner.
The bodies had been taken back to the lab and only he and Catherine were still at the scene.
His hands were dug deep into his jacket pockets as he continued to stare.
Catherine came up behind him and observed his low shoulders and sluggish stance before moving to stand beside him.
"Something happen?"
He snapped out of his thoughts and swung his head in her direction. "Sorry?" He asked, confused.
Catherine sighed and sat on the wall, facing him.
"You've been quiet all night. Is their something you want to tell me?"
He continued to look at her blankly.
Seeing the underlining of her question, he shook his head hesitantly, only to stop to think about it.
"Yes and no." He finally said after a long dead silence had settled.
Catherine nodded and tilted her head towards the ground slightly.
"Who is she?" Her voice was quiet and low enough so only he could hear and not the officer standing on the other side of the small diner car park.
Dropping his eyes from hers quickly, he turned back to the desert.
Opening her mouth to speak again was lost as he drew in a sudden deep breath and started to speak.
"Have you ever wondered why we continue to put the criminals in jail and give closure to those who need it, but when it comes to 'our' own lives. it's like we're not suppose to have one. Like we're only here to serve and do as we're told, not question, just do. Then go home, sleep, eat and be back at work the next night?"
Catherine was stunned by his words and his calm and cool exterior.
"I guess you have." Was all she could say.
He nodded and looked down, blinking for the first time since he started talking.
"What if I have a life outside work, but it would jeopardise my work if anyone found out?"
He didn't mean or want to discuss this, but he needed to.
It was eating away at him.
His whole body was aching for his lover and she had given up.
He needed to know that his whole life hasn't just been for his work.
He needed to know that just because he was dedicated to his work, didn't mean he also couldn't have relationships.
Catherine stood and moved to stand directly in front of him so his eyes had no other place to look but her own.
"Has that happened?" She asked softly.
He looked at her with no emotion.
His eyes unmoved by her intense stare.
"She stopped it." He whispered, suddenly defeated.
Catherine watched as his eyes dropped from hers and his shoulders slumped further.
"Someone at work?" She asked. Her questions were not pushing him to answer, they were soft.
He nodded and glanced up at her briefly.
"We tried to stop it."
"But you couldn't?"
He nodded again and sighed sadly.
"I don't know what to do Cath." He said hoarsely.
Catherine saw his eyes close against the emotions she could see before her. His breathing had become laboured as he tried to tell her he was in some kind of trouble, but it was hurting him because it was suddenly over.
She slowly, so not to startle him, pulled him into her arms and held him as his breathing got harder and his arms came up around her and held her as he fought the tears.
** ** ** **
Sitting in the diner after the weak conversation in the car park, they drank a hot cup of coffee.
Waiting for more, Catherine reached over the table and squeezed his hand.
He looked up from his coffee and smiled sadly.
She saw his sadness and her heart ached for him to tell her so she could help him.
"Maybe I can help." Catherine said.
Grissom shook his head. "I've looked at it in every possible angle and so has she." He shrugged. "No loop hole, no options but the one we both won't go near." He explained.
"Quitting?" He nodded at her single worded question.
"It's something I wouldn't have given a second thought, but." He drifted off and sank back into his seat.
Catherine shifted around the booth and sat next to him.
She grabbed his hand tightly.
"But you're thinking about it now? Why?" She pressed.
He heard her urgency to know the answer to this.
Raising a single eyebrow and turning his head to look at her, he gave her the only reason he would ever have to give up his job to be with the one thing that was more important in his life than his work.
"I love her."
Catherine smiled widely and leaned against him. Her head resting on his shoulder.
"It's too late though." He added quietly.
He was shaking and this caught Catherine's attention.
"Gil?" She looked up at him and noticed his head was leaning back against the wall with his eyes closed. He pulled out the letter that was now very creased and handed it to her.
As she read the letter, words jumped out at her.
'Gil'
'It's not worth you loosing your job.'
'It's not worth you being hurt'
'I'm too selfish to not want to keep us quiet.'
'I don't want you to regret what happened between us'
'I'm sorry'
'I'm not sorry that I love you.'
'Sara'
Sara.
The words brought tears to her eyes as she reread the letter.
She knew something was up when she had stopped by that morning.
She knew someone was with him.
She knew and was happy for him.
But she didn't know who.
She only hoped.
But was also afraid.
He must have been terrified of being caught.
Of being found with her.
Of loosing what they already had.
At home and at work.
Catherine looked at him with so much emotion.
She watched as a single tear escaped his closed eyes.
He made no move to wipe it away, but his head came down.
"How long?" She asked quietly.
"4 Months." He answered, reaching for his forgotten coffee.
Catherine looked back down at the letter in her hand and ran her index finger over the creases.
He must have been angry to do this.
Or hurt.
Or both.
Nothing was going right on this case and his world had just come crashing down.
** ** ** **
She stood in front of his desk and carefully laid the envelope on his laptop so he could see it.
She looked around his office and sat down in his large leather chair.
Leaning back her head, she breathed in the scent of him.
Her lungs filled with his presence, yet she felt so alone.
A phone call came this morning.
She wasn't expecting it.
Answering on the 4 ring.
Scared she would hear his voice.
It was someone from the San Francisco Crime Lab.
A job was open and she was top of the list to call.
Apparently her old boss wouldn't let anyone access to this new job without asking her first after hearing about the leave of absence a year ago.
Now she didn't know what to do.
Taking one last look around the office, his office, she left.
She knew he'd be at home.
It was hours after shift ended.
She hadn't heard from him and she hadn't had the courage to ring him.
Right now was a battle.
Deciding what to do and when to do it.
Was now, really the time to change everything?
She didn't know whether to tell him or not, but she knew she had to.
Pulling over to a post box, she slipped the letter into the small gap and watched sadly as it fell to the bottom of the dark box with a soft thud.
7 hours of working the triple homicide was enough to make you put a gun to your own head.
Three bodies.
One, a young mother or two.
The two, the young mother's children.
Knifed in the street outside a small diner.
All for a measly $40's.
Nothing was going right.
No prints.
Not suspect.
No witnesses.
Grissom stood, looking out at the desert behind the diner.
The bodies had been taken back to the lab and only he and Catherine were still at the scene.
His hands were dug deep into his jacket pockets as he continued to stare.
Catherine came up behind him and observed his low shoulders and sluggish stance before moving to stand beside him.
"Something happen?"
He snapped out of his thoughts and swung his head in her direction. "Sorry?" He asked, confused.
Catherine sighed and sat on the wall, facing him.
"You've been quiet all night. Is their something you want to tell me?"
He continued to look at her blankly.
Seeing the underlining of her question, he shook his head hesitantly, only to stop to think about it.
"Yes and no." He finally said after a long dead silence had settled.
Catherine nodded and tilted her head towards the ground slightly.
"Who is she?" Her voice was quiet and low enough so only he could hear and not the officer standing on the other side of the small diner car park.
Dropping his eyes from hers quickly, he turned back to the desert.
Opening her mouth to speak again was lost as he drew in a sudden deep breath and started to speak.
"Have you ever wondered why we continue to put the criminals in jail and give closure to those who need it, but when it comes to 'our' own lives. it's like we're not suppose to have one. Like we're only here to serve and do as we're told, not question, just do. Then go home, sleep, eat and be back at work the next night?"
Catherine was stunned by his words and his calm and cool exterior.
"I guess you have." Was all she could say.
He nodded and looked down, blinking for the first time since he started talking.
"What if I have a life outside work, but it would jeopardise my work if anyone found out?"
He didn't mean or want to discuss this, but he needed to.
It was eating away at him.
His whole body was aching for his lover and she had given up.
He needed to know that his whole life hasn't just been for his work.
He needed to know that just because he was dedicated to his work, didn't mean he also couldn't have relationships.
Catherine stood and moved to stand directly in front of him so his eyes had no other place to look but her own.
"Has that happened?" She asked softly.
He looked at her with no emotion.
His eyes unmoved by her intense stare.
"She stopped it." He whispered, suddenly defeated.
Catherine watched as his eyes dropped from hers and his shoulders slumped further.
"Someone at work?" She asked. Her questions were not pushing him to answer, they were soft.
He nodded and glanced up at her briefly.
"We tried to stop it."
"But you couldn't?"
He nodded again and sighed sadly.
"I don't know what to do Cath." He said hoarsely.
Catherine saw his eyes close against the emotions she could see before her. His breathing had become laboured as he tried to tell her he was in some kind of trouble, but it was hurting him because it was suddenly over.
She slowly, so not to startle him, pulled him into her arms and held him as his breathing got harder and his arms came up around her and held her as he fought the tears.
** ** ** **
Sitting in the diner after the weak conversation in the car park, they drank a hot cup of coffee.
Waiting for more, Catherine reached over the table and squeezed his hand.
He looked up from his coffee and smiled sadly.
She saw his sadness and her heart ached for him to tell her so she could help him.
"Maybe I can help." Catherine said.
Grissom shook his head. "I've looked at it in every possible angle and so has she." He shrugged. "No loop hole, no options but the one we both won't go near." He explained.
"Quitting?" He nodded at her single worded question.
"It's something I wouldn't have given a second thought, but." He drifted off and sank back into his seat.
Catherine shifted around the booth and sat next to him.
She grabbed his hand tightly.
"But you're thinking about it now? Why?" She pressed.
He heard her urgency to know the answer to this.
Raising a single eyebrow and turning his head to look at her, he gave her the only reason he would ever have to give up his job to be with the one thing that was more important in his life than his work.
"I love her."
Catherine smiled widely and leaned against him. Her head resting on his shoulder.
"It's too late though." He added quietly.
He was shaking and this caught Catherine's attention.
"Gil?" She looked up at him and noticed his head was leaning back against the wall with his eyes closed. He pulled out the letter that was now very creased and handed it to her.
As she read the letter, words jumped out at her.
'Gil'
'It's not worth you loosing your job.'
'It's not worth you being hurt'
'I'm too selfish to not want to keep us quiet.'
'I don't want you to regret what happened between us'
'I'm sorry'
'I'm not sorry that I love you.'
'Sara'
Sara.
The words brought tears to her eyes as she reread the letter.
She knew something was up when she had stopped by that morning.
She knew someone was with him.
She knew and was happy for him.
But she didn't know who.
She only hoped.
But was also afraid.
He must have been terrified of being caught.
Of being found with her.
Of loosing what they already had.
At home and at work.
Catherine looked at him with so much emotion.
She watched as a single tear escaped his closed eyes.
He made no move to wipe it away, but his head came down.
"How long?" She asked quietly.
"4 Months." He answered, reaching for his forgotten coffee.
Catherine looked back down at the letter in her hand and ran her index finger over the creases.
He must have been angry to do this.
Or hurt.
Or both.
Nothing was going right on this case and his world had just come crashing down.
** ** ** **
She stood in front of his desk and carefully laid the envelope on his laptop so he could see it.
She looked around his office and sat down in his large leather chair.
Leaning back her head, she breathed in the scent of him.
Her lungs filled with his presence, yet she felt so alone.
A phone call came this morning.
She wasn't expecting it.
Answering on the 4 ring.
Scared she would hear his voice.
It was someone from the San Francisco Crime Lab.
A job was open and she was top of the list to call.
Apparently her old boss wouldn't let anyone access to this new job without asking her first after hearing about the leave of absence a year ago.
Now she didn't know what to do.
Taking one last look around the office, his office, she left.
She knew he'd be at home.
It was hours after shift ended.
She hadn't heard from him and she hadn't had the courage to ring him.
Right now was a battle.
Deciding what to do and when to do it.
Was now, really the time to change everything?
She didn't know whether to tell him or not, but she knew she had to.
Pulling over to a post box, she slipped the letter into the small gap and watched sadly as it fell to the bottom of the dark box with a soft thud.