Chapter 2 - Height is definitely NOT proportional to length!
Saturday 31st August
12:30pm Just finished watching nostril hairs (aka mother) checking my trunk, she still insists upon it. Anyway she found my cactus shaped condom. I told her it was ameasuring device for liquefied spine of warthog. She bought it as well! I am just glad she will never meet Snape. I have images of her handing over hundreds of condoms saying, "my sister works in a chemist - I can get these reduced." Oh the horror.
4:30pm Dad came home, mum told him about the strange measuring devices I am 'forced' to use in Potions. He thought it was outrageous. I wanted to scream, "I AM NOT A VIRGIN! I LOST MY V WHEN I WAS 15!!" You don't always get what you want though.
5:00pm I have just had the mental image of Snape wearing the cactus shaped condom, and ONLY the cactus shaped condom. Heh heh heh - Snape in a tutu. Ha ha oh Lordy - Ron in a tutu.
10:30pm being made to go to bed stupidly early because I have to actually get up in the morning.
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**
September
Sunday 1st September
10:30am Got rid of my parents easily enough, I'm sat in a secluded compartment. On my bill, my friends haven't arrived yet, so that's Harry and Ron then. Speaking of Ron my 'operation' involves me wearing a fitted black top with a zip through it, with nothing on underneath it - I may just show Ron this. (A/N sound familiar to any one? Any one out there at all?) And very low hipster jeans with a purple butterfly thong quite visible, I may bend over and show Ron the butterfly. (A/N again ringing any bells??)
11:10am The lads finally arrived just as the train was pulling out of the station. Ron had a very swelled black eye and Harry had a rather suspicious red patch on his knuckles. I'm gonna ask Harry later after I get him drunk - he'll tell you anything then. Including the fact he once saw him in the shower at the quidditch changing rooms and 'height is definitely NOT proportional to length!'
1:30pm I was planning on letting Ron suffer until I realised with only one eye my chances of operation boner were greatly reduced. So I gave him some ointment. The operation however is proving to be harder than I thought, I have bent over getting the ointment, I am sitting as close as humanly possibly to Ron and my zip is getting lower and lower. But the bastard is asleep, so is Harry but that's ok because I just found out something. Harry Potter talks in his sleep, quite amusing actually, he just muttered "Fucking scruffy Weasel" now I'm really curious what did happen??????
3:30pm Harry still asleep, Ron has 'gone to the bathroom'. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
3:40pm Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
3:45 HA!!!!!!!!!!!!
10:15pm Just got back from the feast, I've told Harry to meet down here in ten minutes so I'll just update you on the 'amazingness' of the train journey. First off Operation:boner was a great success, the trolley dolly came and I got a chocolate frog which jumped in between Ron's legs so I offered to 'fish it out'. I spent an awful loooong time trying to find that 'darned froggie' and when I did Ron said in his high pitched I'm-afraid-of- spiders-voice as Harry likes to call it, that he was going to the bathroom and walked off very awkwardly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It was sooo much fun I think I may have to do it again. The making Ron stiff not fishing around in his nether regions. Oh and how could I forget my daily helping of Dracus Malfoyin. God! He'd be completely shagable if he wasn't so well . . . . strange! You see, as I was walking towards the bathroom when from out of nowhere a long knobbly stick was put down my jeans. I turned around and was face to face with Draco Malfoy, I realised it was his wand down my jeans, and for once I was completely speechless. He started laughing like a maniac (I think it was an impression of Lord VoldieLocks) and poking my in the arse with his wand! So I stepped away shaking my head got his wand out my pants and walked away, a couple of seconds later he was behind me poking in the arse again. That was when I snapped, "Look honky honkerson if you are not a haemorrhoid, GET OFF MY ARSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Which was, of course a stupid thing to say and now he has spread around the entire school that I have piles. What I wonderful life I have!
A/N: thers chapter 2 sorry it took so long but I have been away and been really busy I will have chappy 3 up really really soon because I know how annoying authors who don't update are. Anyways thanks to my ~cough~ 3 reviewers, harryforeva cold*fire and 'helga' love you guys
Oh and I don't own anything, they all belong to Lady Jo of Rowling
Saturday 31st August
12:30pm Just finished watching nostril hairs (aka mother) checking my trunk, she still insists upon it. Anyway she found my cactus shaped condom. I told her it was ameasuring device for liquefied spine of warthog. She bought it as well! I am just glad she will never meet Snape. I have images of her handing over hundreds of condoms saying, "my sister works in a chemist - I can get these reduced." Oh the horror.
4:30pm Dad came home, mum told him about the strange measuring devices I am 'forced' to use in Potions. He thought it was outrageous. I wanted to scream, "I AM NOT A VIRGIN! I LOST MY V WHEN I WAS 15!!" You don't always get what you want though.
5:00pm I have just had the mental image of Snape wearing the cactus shaped condom, and ONLY the cactus shaped condom. Heh heh heh - Snape in a tutu. Ha ha oh Lordy - Ron in a tutu.
10:30pm being made to go to bed stupidly early because I have to actually get up in the morning.
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**
September
Sunday 1st September
10:30am Got rid of my parents easily enough, I'm sat in a secluded compartment. On my bill, my friends haven't arrived yet, so that's Harry and Ron then. Speaking of Ron my 'operation' involves me wearing a fitted black top with a zip through it, with nothing on underneath it - I may just show Ron this. (A/N sound familiar to any one? Any one out there at all?) And very low hipster jeans with a purple butterfly thong quite visible, I may bend over and show Ron the butterfly. (A/N again ringing any bells??)
11:10am The lads finally arrived just as the train was pulling out of the station. Ron had a very swelled black eye and Harry had a rather suspicious red patch on his knuckles. I'm gonna ask Harry later after I get him drunk - he'll tell you anything then. Including the fact he once saw him in the shower at the quidditch changing rooms and 'height is definitely NOT proportional to length!'
1:30pm I was planning on letting Ron suffer until I realised with only one eye my chances of operation boner were greatly reduced. So I gave him some ointment. The operation however is proving to be harder than I thought, I have bent over getting the ointment, I am sitting as close as humanly possibly to Ron and my zip is getting lower and lower. But the bastard is asleep, so is Harry but that's ok because I just found out something. Harry Potter talks in his sleep, quite amusing actually, he just muttered "Fucking scruffy Weasel" now I'm really curious what did happen??????
3:30pm Harry still asleep, Ron has 'gone to the bathroom'. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
3:40pm Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
3:45 HA!!!!!!!!!!!!
10:15pm Just got back from the feast, I've told Harry to meet down here in ten minutes so I'll just update you on the 'amazingness' of the train journey. First off Operation:boner was a great success, the trolley dolly came and I got a chocolate frog which jumped in between Ron's legs so I offered to 'fish it out'. I spent an awful loooong time trying to find that 'darned froggie' and when I did Ron said in his high pitched I'm-afraid-of- spiders-voice as Harry likes to call it, that he was going to the bathroom and walked off very awkwardly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It was sooo much fun I think I may have to do it again. The making Ron stiff not fishing around in his nether regions. Oh and how could I forget my daily helping of Dracus Malfoyin. God! He'd be completely shagable if he wasn't so well . . . . strange! You see, as I was walking towards the bathroom when from out of nowhere a long knobbly stick was put down my jeans. I turned around and was face to face with Draco Malfoy, I realised it was his wand down my jeans, and for once I was completely speechless. He started laughing like a maniac (I think it was an impression of Lord VoldieLocks) and poking my in the arse with his wand! So I stepped away shaking my head got his wand out my pants and walked away, a couple of seconds later he was behind me poking in the arse again. That was when I snapped, "Look honky honkerson if you are not a haemorrhoid, GET OFF MY ARSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Which was, of course a stupid thing to say and now he has spread around the entire school that I have piles. What I wonderful life I have!
A/N: thers chapter 2 sorry it took so long but I have been away and been really busy I will have chappy 3 up really really soon because I know how annoying authors who don't update are. Anyways thanks to my ~cough~ 3 reviewers, harryforeva cold*fire and 'helga' love you guys
Oh and I don't own anything, they all belong to Lady Jo of Rowling