# # # # #
Sam wandered around the SGC that day in a daze. It all felt strange. Her head hurt from thinking so much. Worrying. Being so paranoid. Her head was still reeling with the realisation that she had slept with her CO. How could they have been so stupid?! She thought so potently. It was like an odour in her head, that just wouldn't go away.
That simple thought. Simple - hardly, she thought. Walking the corridors aimlessly for hours on end, she felt the deep desire and need to see her Colonel. To talk to him. It was her sheer desperation at the situation that caused her pointless wanderings of the corridors. In her mind, she was hoping with all her heart to see the man she yearned for so deeply, and at the same time hoping as hard as she could that she wouldn't see him and have to confront the horrifying truth. It confused the hell out of her, but her heart knew she had to see him. Had to talk to him. She wanted to curl up in his arms and to have him tell her it was ok. Everything would be fine. That he loved her, and it didn't matter what happened - whatever it was, he would be there for her no matter what. No matter how hard her heart wished - that day seemed never-ending.
For all the world, Sam could have sworn she lived it over a thousand times. Each time having an alternate ending - with separate faults. After each time, she thought over what she did, and then she seemed to have another chance to rectify it - but every time another fault cropped up, making it impossible to fix the repetitive problems. With the end of the day slowly approaching, Sam was certain that she would lose her mind before it found her.
# # # # #
After spending several more hours traipsing her tired form around the SGC, it happened that she found the CO she almost didn't want to find. He looked as bad as her - tired eyes and pale skin. It was a sorry site, seeing the two of them together, but neither of them noticed. They had more important things on their minds.
"Colonel," Sam said hesitantly when she saw him - not 100% sure if she was ready to talk to him.
"Carter," he responded tiredly, seemingly unaware of her apprehension.
"Could I talk to you for a minute?" He nodded and they walked together to Sam's quarters.
Closing the door behind him, Jack suddenly felt the discomfort in Sam's manner, and was unnerved by the seclusion of her quarters.
"Sir.I don't really know how to say this.but last night.what happened?" Sam asked after offering him a seat next to her on her bed. He declined and then felt tense by her query.
"What do you mean by that specifically?" He asked, knowing the answer and questioning himself as to why he asked to begin with.
"Jack, I think you know what I mean," she replied bluntly, even with the use of his name unashamedly.
"You're right. Then why are you asking me?" Suddenly Sam realised that she needn't have asked him at all, she knew damn well what had happened between them, and knew that he knew too. Now she was questioning herself.
"I don't really know. We.well, what I think.happened, didn't it?" She rephrased. He nodded, with an air of awareness.
"Yeah," he said simply - no other words fit to say after such a question, that in truth was really not a question. There was a moment of nothingness. A time for both parties to contemplate the final truth of the matter - and that it had happened. Now they had take into account careers and what they would do about the situation. And it was just that - a situation. Neither of them was free of guilt or blame, and neither of them could walk away from what they had done without feeling some remorse or at least a thought of what had happened. It wasn't truly something to feel remorse for, but if one or the other - or worse, both - lost their jobs because of their spontaneity on that night, there would be some responsibility felt. And they had both contributed, so they both had to deal with it now. Both had to bare the consequences, and in that silence, they both needed to think about it all in perspective. It was a lot to think about in a matter of moments in silence, but it was necessary.
"I'm sorry," they both chimed in the same moment. Each with a meek smile of appreciation, they turned to face one another.
"Colonel, what can we do?" Sam asked - unsure. She felt him as her safety blanket. He would protect her. It was an unusual thought to have at such a time, but for some unexplainable reason it was deep in her mind at that moment.
"I don't know. We don't have to say anything. Before you say anything, I know you wouldn't want to do that," he thought aloud, knowing she would disagree with being dishonest - even in knowing what would happen at being truthful.
"Actually, I think that would be the best thing to do. But before you say anything.I have already told Janet." Even in his surprise, he was grateful she agreed with him. It would be the easiest way to handle it if no one knew.
"Doc. Fraiser. That's ok. She wouldn't say anything.would she?"
"No. We can trust her not to. I confided in her, and I know she will respect that. But."
"That's good. But? But what?"
"There is another thing we haven't thought about yet." Jack wasn't sure of her direction, but he had a feeling of where she might lead and instantly felt his stomach churn.
"Oh?" He kept his query simple, so not to sound antagonistic.
"What if." Sam couldn't go on, it hurt too much to say it. She wasn't sure if he knew what she meant or not, but if she was right in thinking he didn't, it wouldn't be an easy thing to cope with. Especially not after what he'd already been through.
"It's ok, just say it."
"What if.what if I'm pregnant?" It made her heart hurt to say it to him. She knew even if he had suspected that, it would be hard to hear it from her. She looked at his face through blurred vision, from her tears of anguish. His face appeared to remain neutral. There seemed no expression present. She wished he had some kind of a give away sign as to how he was feeling. He had always been one to hide his feelings. Never express anything. Bottle it all away, for no one to know. Even if he had shown an expression then and it had been bad, Sam would have been happier than knowing nothing of how he was feeling.
"Jack?"
"I uhh.I thought of that."
"Oh. And?"
"I.I don't know."
"God Jack, say something! I need to know what you are thinking for a change! This is so important, you have to say what you think of all this!" Sam exclaimed without thinking of how hard it must have been for him, even the thought was hard to deal with. She burst out like that on him and felt terrible the second she finished. Clapping her hand over her mouth, she wanted to cry how sorry she was.
"I'm sorry ok?! I.I don't know what to say! I'm sorry for what happened.and if I could take it all back, I would! Is that what you want to hear? Well there you go, you got it! I apologise.I can't do anything else. I'm sorry!"
"I didn't.I wasn't thinking when I said that.I'm sorry. I didn't meant it. I mean.I just wanted to know.Jack.I.wait. No, don't go.please, stay."
"I'll see you 'round."
# # # # #
Sam wandered around the SGC that day in a daze. It all felt strange. Her head hurt from thinking so much. Worrying. Being so paranoid. Her head was still reeling with the realisation that she had slept with her CO. How could they have been so stupid?! She thought so potently. It was like an odour in her head, that just wouldn't go away.
That simple thought. Simple - hardly, she thought. Walking the corridors aimlessly for hours on end, she felt the deep desire and need to see her Colonel. To talk to him. It was her sheer desperation at the situation that caused her pointless wanderings of the corridors. In her mind, she was hoping with all her heart to see the man she yearned for so deeply, and at the same time hoping as hard as she could that she wouldn't see him and have to confront the horrifying truth. It confused the hell out of her, but her heart knew she had to see him. Had to talk to him. She wanted to curl up in his arms and to have him tell her it was ok. Everything would be fine. That he loved her, and it didn't matter what happened - whatever it was, he would be there for her no matter what. No matter how hard her heart wished - that day seemed never-ending.
For all the world, Sam could have sworn she lived it over a thousand times. Each time having an alternate ending - with separate faults. After each time, she thought over what she did, and then she seemed to have another chance to rectify it - but every time another fault cropped up, making it impossible to fix the repetitive problems. With the end of the day slowly approaching, Sam was certain that she would lose her mind before it found her.
# # # # #
After spending several more hours traipsing her tired form around the SGC, it happened that she found the CO she almost didn't want to find. He looked as bad as her - tired eyes and pale skin. It was a sorry site, seeing the two of them together, but neither of them noticed. They had more important things on their minds.
"Colonel," Sam said hesitantly when she saw him - not 100% sure if she was ready to talk to him.
"Carter," he responded tiredly, seemingly unaware of her apprehension.
"Could I talk to you for a minute?" He nodded and they walked together to Sam's quarters.
Closing the door behind him, Jack suddenly felt the discomfort in Sam's manner, and was unnerved by the seclusion of her quarters.
"Sir.I don't really know how to say this.but last night.what happened?" Sam asked after offering him a seat next to her on her bed. He declined and then felt tense by her query.
"What do you mean by that specifically?" He asked, knowing the answer and questioning himself as to why he asked to begin with.
"Jack, I think you know what I mean," she replied bluntly, even with the use of his name unashamedly.
"You're right. Then why are you asking me?" Suddenly Sam realised that she needn't have asked him at all, she knew damn well what had happened between them, and knew that he knew too. Now she was questioning herself.
"I don't really know. We.well, what I think.happened, didn't it?" She rephrased. He nodded, with an air of awareness.
"Yeah," he said simply - no other words fit to say after such a question, that in truth was really not a question. There was a moment of nothingness. A time for both parties to contemplate the final truth of the matter - and that it had happened. Now they had take into account careers and what they would do about the situation. And it was just that - a situation. Neither of them was free of guilt or blame, and neither of them could walk away from what they had done without feeling some remorse or at least a thought of what had happened. It wasn't truly something to feel remorse for, but if one or the other - or worse, both - lost their jobs because of their spontaneity on that night, there would be some responsibility felt. And they had both contributed, so they both had to deal with it now. Both had to bare the consequences, and in that silence, they both needed to think about it all in perspective. It was a lot to think about in a matter of moments in silence, but it was necessary.
"I'm sorry," they both chimed in the same moment. Each with a meek smile of appreciation, they turned to face one another.
"Colonel, what can we do?" Sam asked - unsure. She felt him as her safety blanket. He would protect her. It was an unusual thought to have at such a time, but for some unexplainable reason it was deep in her mind at that moment.
"I don't know. We don't have to say anything. Before you say anything, I know you wouldn't want to do that," he thought aloud, knowing she would disagree with being dishonest - even in knowing what would happen at being truthful.
"Actually, I think that would be the best thing to do. But before you say anything.I have already told Janet." Even in his surprise, he was grateful she agreed with him. It would be the easiest way to handle it if no one knew.
"Doc. Fraiser. That's ok. She wouldn't say anything.would she?"
"No. We can trust her not to. I confided in her, and I know she will respect that. But."
"That's good. But? But what?"
"There is another thing we haven't thought about yet." Jack wasn't sure of her direction, but he had a feeling of where she might lead and instantly felt his stomach churn.
"Oh?" He kept his query simple, so not to sound antagonistic.
"What if." Sam couldn't go on, it hurt too much to say it. She wasn't sure if he knew what she meant or not, but if she was right in thinking he didn't, it wouldn't be an easy thing to cope with. Especially not after what he'd already been through.
"It's ok, just say it."
"What if.what if I'm pregnant?" It made her heart hurt to say it to him. She knew even if he had suspected that, it would be hard to hear it from her. She looked at his face through blurred vision, from her tears of anguish. His face appeared to remain neutral. There seemed no expression present. She wished he had some kind of a give away sign as to how he was feeling. He had always been one to hide his feelings. Never express anything. Bottle it all away, for no one to know. Even if he had shown an expression then and it had been bad, Sam would have been happier than knowing nothing of how he was feeling.
"Jack?"
"I uhh.I thought of that."
"Oh. And?"
"I.I don't know."
"God Jack, say something! I need to know what you are thinking for a change! This is so important, you have to say what you think of all this!" Sam exclaimed without thinking of how hard it must have been for him, even the thought was hard to deal with. She burst out like that on him and felt terrible the second she finished. Clapping her hand over her mouth, she wanted to cry how sorry she was.
"I'm sorry ok?! I.I don't know what to say! I'm sorry for what happened.and if I could take it all back, I would! Is that what you want to hear? Well there you go, you got it! I apologise.I can't do anything else. I'm sorry!"
"I didn't.I wasn't thinking when I said that.I'm sorry. I didn't meant it. I mean.I just wanted to know.Jack.I.wait. No, don't go.please, stay."
"I'll see you 'round."
# # # # #