A/N: Hey guys, thanks for the reviews! Here is the next chapter for you, and I must say, it has one of my favourite scenes that I've written… Ah, drunken Harry… tee hee hee
Enjoy!
Chapter 4: Open Mouth. Insert Foot.
"Hey, 'Mione, c'mere a minute," Ron said, gesturing for her to follow him outside. Neither said a word until they were at the tire-swing.
"What's all this ab-" Hermione began, only to be cut off by Ron kissing her. "Hi," she said shyly once their mouths had parted.
"You know I love you, right?" Ron asked a bit too casually.
"Yeah?" She started, quickly changing her mind. "Oh, no… What did you do?"
"Nothing!"
"Swear?"
"I love you!" he said again.
"What is it?"
"You didn't want to do anything tonight, did you?"
"Why?" she asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.
"Because I love you?"
"Ron!" Hermione rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, tapping her foot impatiently.
Ron couldn't hide a small grin. He loved getting a rise out of Hermione, always had. And then she gave him the look. "Alright, alright! Well, it's just that Harry's 18 now, you know?"
"So?"
"Well, we were thinking about taking him out, you know, to celebrate… the muggle way."
"Oh."
"And, well, you know…"
"You don't want me to go."
"It's not just that!"
"But that is part of it?"
"I didn't say that!"
"You didn't have to!"
"But I didn't mean that!"
"Oh? Then just what did you mean?" Hermione asked maliciously.
"'Mione, your birthday isn't for another month."
"So?"
"I'm sorry, it's just that, you're not 18… can't get into any of the places…" Ron had hoped she'd be understanding; he didn't want to fight over something as petty as this.
"And you want it to be a guys' night," she finished for him.
"Well, kinda, yeah. You're not upset, are you?"
"No, not really," she said, trying not to sound disappointed. "It's just – well, we'd better do something fun on my birthday!"
Ron laughed and pulled Hermione to him. "Don't you worry about that one," he kissed her forehead, "little," he kissed her nose, "bit," he finished, kissing her lips.
"Another round, gentlemen?" the attractive waitress asked.
"Yes, please, Kel," Charlie Weasley grinned. "And the bottle that we talked about earlier, eh, love?"
"Back in a jiff!" she said, flashing him a large smile before walking back to the bar.
Charlie stared after the young woman appreciatively, his look naturally not going unnoticed by his brothers. Fred and George exchanged identical mischievous looks. Aaron, however, was also following the retreating form of the waitress.
"Nice ass," Charlie said without thinking.
"Nice rack, too," Aaron added.
Charlie tore his eyes away from 'Kel' for the moment and stared intently at Aaron. "I saw her first, you know."
"So? I've got the suave accent around these here parts," Aaron said coolly.
Charlie smirked. "You'd think that, wouldn't you? Arrogant Americans…"
"Only 60%, give or take…" Aaron nonchalantly said.
"Oy, both of you," Ron shouted to be heard over the crowd in the pub. "Remember why we're here?"
"Don't you bring me into the middle of this one," Harry laughed, the pints he had already knocked back now obviously taking effect. "It's rather amusing!" He then spotted Kel returning with more drinks. "Excellent!" he declared. "What have we got here?" he asked, rubbing his hands together greedily.
Dean Thomas, another friend of Harry and Ron's from school, laughed at the birthday boy. "You might want to pace yourself a bit there, mate!"
"Bah!" Harry grunted.
"Here you are, boys, the finest malt whiskey in the house!"
"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Harry and Fred said at the same time, causing everyone to laugh.
Kelly (Kel) smiled again and walked away, once again not seeming to take note of the stares coming from Charlie and Aaron. Harry, however, after taking a shot of the malt whiskey, followed quickly by the remaining half a pint he had in front of him, spoke up on the subject.
"She does have a nice body," he said, nodding his head up and down, never really stopping, for some reason.
"Yeah, she does," Charlie agreed.
"Seen better though," Harry continued, mostly to himself, but still rather loudly before taking another shot or three from the bottle.
"Oh, really?" Seamus inquired, taking a swig of the whiskey for himself.
"Oh yeah, definitely. Did I ever tell you guys about the first time that Virginia and I-"
Suddenly, four heads topped with red hair jerked around to face Harry, looks of mixed rage and revulsion on their faces. "Harry," George began, obviously wanting to spit nails at him, "I beg you NOT to finish that sentence."
Aaron, Seamus and Dean looked on with great interest, all very curious at what Harry would say next.
Harry, for his part, simply shook his head in disbelief. "Well, yeah, but, like… you just don't know. I mean, you have no idea. Wow."
"Well, I really am quite excited to get to go to University, you know," Hermione said, taking a sip of her tea.
"Yes, of course," Lily nodded. "And I'm sure that your parents are very supportive of your decision to further your studies, especially in a muggle setting."
"Exactly. They've done so much for me, been very accepting and understanding… I just feel like this is a small way to repay them or something – well, that and the fact that when I was a little girl I always dreamed of going to Oxford one day," she finished with a small smile.
"Lil?" James said, walking into the room. "Oh, hello, Hermione, didn't realize you'd be here… decided not to go with Harry and Ron to continue the celebration?"
"I wasn't invited," Hermione scowled. Lily simply glared at James.
"Oh," he said lamely.
"Yes, they said it was 'guys' night' anyway. God only knows what sort of trouble they'll find."
James suddenly grinned. "Ah, to be just 18 again… I remember my 18th birthday," he began, taking on a nostalgic tone. "Sirius, Remus and Pete snuck me out of Hog – well, let's just say it was a lot of fun."
Lily sighed deeply and rolled her eyes. "You wanted something, James?"
James looked at his wife quizzically for a moment and then suddenly said "Oh! Yeah, was just going to tell you that I'm gonna pop by Sirius' place and make sure he's alright after everything today."
"Alright then," Lily smiled. "See you later."
"Padfoot? You home?" James called, knocking on the front door as he walked inside.
"Who're you?" came the reply, dripping with malice, seemingly in surround sound.
"Uh-" James stuttered, looking around for the source of the voices. "Hello?"
"Hi," said the same voices.
"Is Sirius Black home?"
"Depends," said one voice, from the left.
"Who are you?" asked the voice from the right.
"Lex? Mia? What are you two doing?" a third voice called from the kitchen.
"Nothing, mum!" the two chorused, finally coming out of the shadows.
"So, yeah," James began awkwardly. "Is Sirius around?"
The girl to his left grinned and snatched his hand with her own tiny one. "This way!" She then proceeded to drag him through the house, finally ending up in the den.
"Sirrus! There's someone here to see you," the little girl said in a sing-song voice.
"Thank you, Amelia," he said, causing the little girl to shake her head angrily. "Er, right. Alexis." Alexis threw James' hand out of her own, turned on her heel and huffed out. Sirius rolled his eyes. "Sorry 'bout that. Can't tell them apart worth a damn."
James couldn't hide the amused look that came over his face, but somehow managed to steer the conversation in the direction he wanted… almost. "Just wanted to make sure that you were alright after today's – uh – festivities. Wait a bit, those are Pam's kids?"
"Yeah… there are the twin demons, who I'm guessing you met both of, and then her son who's a touch older than them. Little hellions, believe you me."
James laughed heartily. "Finally getting your comeuppance, eh, Padfoot?"
"Blow me," Sirius snapped.
James smirked and licked his lips in a suggestive manner, much to Sirius' horror. "Oh, please!" James said. "Do us all a favor and keep your damn knickers on. You flatter yourself too damn much for your own good."
"Bite me."
"Do we really need to go through this again? It's only been 15 seconds…"
"James, shut up," Sirius barked. "What did you come here for?"
"I told you. Just wanted to check up on you, make sure you're doing alright after the fireworks we saw earlier."
"Oh, that. Yeah, I'm fine," Sirius said wistfully. "No worries there."
James nodded, a wicked grin appearing on his face. "So tell me about the new chick, Padfoot. From what I remember, the theatre was never exactly your calling…"
"Yeah, well, people grow, people change."
James snorted. "Tell me what really happened."
Sirius shrugged. "Was walking down West End one day, passing some theatres, and saw a poster outside one… great legs, you know?" James nodded. "So, figured what the hell, bought a ticket, and sat through a play. Did you know that people in muggle plays sing? I just don't get it…"
James tried to hide his laughter and shook his head. "That would be because you went to see a musical," he said, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, continue."
"How the bloody hell was I suppose to know that?" Sirius huffed. "Well then, afterwards, I noticed the woman with the legs, who incidentally was starring in the show, leaving the theatre. I asked her out for a drink." He laughed quietly to himself. "Lucky she turned out to be a witch. Don't know what I would have done if she was a muggle… too much explaining to do since we hit it off right from the start."
"But you didn't know she came with the baggage," James offered.
"Yeah, but they're not so bad… like I said, can't tell the girls apart, but hey, what can you do. David isn't so bad, he and Pamela are really close though. And he looks out for the little ones."
Before James could answer, a loud bang was heard and Sirius and James could just barely make out hysterical voices above the clatter. They both instantly jumped up, James following Sirius toward the source of the commotion: the kitchen.
"…was right! This IS a brown foot ball helmet!" they heard Pamela's voice shriek, followed by loud, heart-wrenching sobs.
"Football helmet?" James repeated, looking very confused.
"God, what the hell is happening in there?" Sirius asked nervously. He was nearly flying down the hallway toward the kitchen, a bewildered James in tow.
"Honey, are you alright?" another voice drawled.
"Who was that?" James whispered.
"Sounded like David," Sirius hissed.
"I'm fine," Pamela said. "I'm fine… I'm fine… I'M FINE!" she screamed.
"Jesus Christ!" Sirius shouted, his heart now beating somewhere in his throat. "We've got to find her!"
"I could jog all the way to Texas and back," Pamela shouted through sobs. "But my daughter can't!! She never could!! Oh… God... I'm so mad I don't know what to do!! I wanna know why!"
"Oh god," Sirius whispered, his nerves getting the better of him, causing him to stop listening all together. Was something wrong with Lex or Mia? What would they do? And what happened to James? Sirius suddenly turned around for a split second, only to find James standing, leaning against the wall as though he was trying to remember something. Sirius quickly shook his head and threw the door to the kitchen open just in time to hear Pamela continue.
"Lord...I wish I could understand! No... NO... NO!! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first!! I've always been ready to go first! I don't think I can take this.. I.. I don't think I can take this! I just wanna hit somethin'! I just wanna hit somebody.. till they feel as bad as I do!! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it HARD!" Pamela was clutching her heart and had tears running down her face, facing David who was sitting on the counter, grinning, his legs swinging back and forth.
"What in the name of Merlin is wrong?" Sirius demanded, running over to her, arms outstretched.
Pamela sniffled and stiffened in shock as Sirius swept into her arms when James strode into the room. "Brava!" he said, smiling broadly. Sirius turned to his friend and gave him a look that clearly questioned his sanity. "What?" James asked, still smiling and even applauding a bit. "That was very good!"
"What are you on about, man?" Sirius demanded.
"Is something wrong?" Pamela asked.
"Why don't you tell me?" Sirius said. "What just happened?"
"What do you mean?" Pamela slowly said, looking from Sirius to James and back again. Then, suddenly, realization dawned on her; a small smile played at her lips. "You recognized the piece," she said to James.
James rolled his eyes. "How could I not? Lil has been talking about that blasted movie non-stop all week. Jem recommended it to her last week and she made me sit through the bloody thing twice."
"What?" Sirius demanded, trying to process what was going on.
"It was from a play, Siri," Pam said soothingly.
"Siri?" James choked out. Sirius glared at him.
"A play?" Sirius repeated, choosing not to say anything to James just yet.
"Yes, David was helping me run lines," she smiled.
"Hi, David, nice to meet you," James said, extending his hand to the small boy. "James Potter."
"You're Harry's dad then!" David said excitedly, his eyes lighting up. "David Thomas Crawford. Great to meet you! Is Harry here too?"
James laughed. "Not this time, kid. He's out celebrating his birthday."
"Oh," David said, somewhat disappointed. "I have a birthday coming up. I'm turning 11. Can he come to my party?"
"David!" Pamela said. "Sorry about that, James."
"Not a problem," he grinned.
"What play?" Sirius asked, not even realizing that the subject had been entirely changed around him.
"Steel Magnolias," Pam, James and David answered at the same time.
"Hmm," Pam mused. "The bitch has taste."
"Pardon?" James asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Jem. I'm surprised, that's all. Of course she probably has no idea that it is much better on the stage, but even so. I'm impressed."
"You really ought to give her a chance, you know," James said.
"I shouldn't think that you, of all people, would be on her side in such matters," Pamela replied rather icily. "But for now, let's just agree to disagree. There are much more pressing matters to take care of," she concluded, shifting her gaze to Sirius.
"Am I allowed to join the conversation now?" Sirius asked.
Pamela smiled sweetly and kissed his cheek. "Not just yet."
A/N: Here's a funny idea… how about you review? Yeah? Thanks! *big grin*