AN. Ok, first, I changed the AN in the previous chapter, and it is very important, so if you haven't read it, then please do.
This chapter has been the bane of my exsistance for months. This chapter has had 5 different versians. And so many people have helped me out.
This is special thanks to Aly who took a few pages of notes and ideas and lines and images and turned it into something able to read. She's not writing for this story anymore because she's got RL, but she has agreed to be kinda a consultant. You know, reading what I write, telling me it sucks and kicking my ass to make it better. And I love her for it.
Ok, the new writer…
You all know her as mocha-queen. I know her as my really good friend Laura. She's wonderful, she keeps me sane, and she's an amaising writer. She was good enough to even help me write 2 different versians of this chapter and even though I didn't end up using them, she's been amaising. She's a great writer and an amaising friend. She's also created a site for Jess centered fanfic, that will soon be ready to accept work. I'll keep you apprised.
Oh, my editor wrote a little something.
EDITOR'S RANT:
I would merely remind all readers/reviewers that this is Jewls' fic. You may (and indeed should) give her advice and suggestions, make comments, and point out flaws. However, there's a difference between that and trying to dictate what the fic does, how it does it, and how fast it's written; remember why the line lies, and please don't cross it. Like myself, Jewls writes for enjoyment; reviews are nice, but they do not and should not drive the story or the pace at which it is updated. Anyone can post quickly, if you're willing to accept trash; good fic comes in its own time. Patience is a virtue, after all.
Ok, so here's chapter 8. Many people worked very hard on this.
And Moswen, this is the chap I was talking about. I hope it lives up to the expectations.
I wanna dedicate this chapter to my friend Risa who is going through a really hard time right now (she also happens to love Jess and Bree together, and she's the kind who will take what she can get).
(sorry about the long AN, these will get much shorter until they no longer exsist. I promise.)
So ok..I hope you like it.
Oh and the song is "Dolphins Cry" by Live
chapter 8
Bree appeared in the bathroom door wearing Jess' black Jockey boxers and a T-shirt. Her long hair was damp and clung in thin pieces to her face and neck. Her face was slightly rosy from the heat of the shower and her whole body had a soft glow from the thin layer of moisture. She made her way from the tiny bathroom to Jess' room where she would be spending the night, Jess having camped out on the couch to leave the bed free for her.
//The way you're bathed in light
reminds me of that night
God laid me down into your rose garden of trust//
Jess stood a few steps from his doorway, watching her as she laid her towel and clothes over the chair, then turned to look at him with an almost wistful look in her eyes. Neither of them knew quite what to do.
//and I was swept away
with nothin' left to say
some helpless fool
yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace//
"So, when's Dom coming down?" Jess finally asked, breaking the heavy silence that had settled.
"Sometime tomorrow morning," she answered, never breaking eye contact. Neither of them were fooled; they both knew the conversation was just pointless filler.
"Umm," Jess mumbled, searching for something more to stay. He wasn't quite ready to part company with her. There was a part of him that hoped she'd invite him in; there was another part begging and pleading with her not too. The problem was, if she did invite him in, he didn't know what his answer would be. He knew what his answer *should* be, but that didn't mean it was what he wanted. And the truth was, he didn't know which part of him would win out. But he had an idea, and that idea wouldn't leave him sleeping out on the couch.
//you're all I need to find
so when the time is right
come to me sweetly, come to me
come to me//
"Yeah," Bree breathed, finally breaking the intense eye contact. She wanted to invite him in, but she knew she shouldn't. By the look in his eyes, she knew he was torn between comming in and going and she didn't want to purposefully make it worse. "Goodnight," she added a little abruptly, making up his mind for him by walking to the door and closing it gently.
"Yeah," he sighed as he walked over to the couch, forcing himself not to look back; the past was the past, after all.
//love will lead us, alright
love will lead us, she will lead us
can you hear the dolphin's cry?
see the road rise up to meet us//
Jess tossed and turned on the couch for several hours, sleep dancing just beyond his reach and his mind cluttered with visions of Bree. Giving up on the idea of sleeping he got up and found that his feet led him once again to the doorway of his bedroom. He opened the door and stood there, facing the threshold of coming or going; the past, the present and the possible future. He was frozen in place, afraid to take a step forward or backward, knowing where both steps would lead, but not ready to face the consequences of either.
//it's in the air we breathe tonight
love will lead us, she will lead us//
Bree lay there in his clothing, in the bed which just months ago they had spent a solitary night together. Jess closed his eyes, not to end the sight that was assaulting them, but rather to focus more clearly on the memory that the sight brought forth.
//oh yeah, we meet again
it's like we never left
time in between was just a dream
did we leave this place?//
Bree's arms wrapped around his waist tightly as he kissed her, savoring the taste that he had so long been deprived of. The flavour that was uniquely Bree, maraschino cherries and cigarettes. A taste that he loved in her and for this moment, that taste was his.
Hands and mouths glided over bodies like they had been spending their whole lives preparing for that moment, it was only natural. Soon both were deprived of clothing and they fell back onto the bed.
His eyes burned with the look of pure exquisite completion that crossed Bree's face as he entered her. For moments they just lay there, joined completely, revelling in the feelings of two hearts beating together. It was so much more than the culmination of two years of sexual frustration, it was more than inevitable, it was perfection.
//this crazy fog surrounds me
you wrap your legs around me
all I can do to try and breathe
let me breathe so that I
so we can go together!//
No one else existed as he moved slowly inside of her, softly kissing away the tears that marred her beautiful face. Neither of them had felt something so powerful as this moment they were sharing. Nothing else mattered to him in that moment, just the feeling of Bree, her arms, her legs, everything that was her, wrapped tightly around him. She was his savior, his completion and he was a dying man holding onto her. Dying as her muscles clenched around him. Dying as her practiced body responded to his every touch, his every kiss, his every move.
//love will lead us, alright
love will lead us, she will lead us
can you hear the dolphin's cry?
see the road rise up to meet us//
It wasn't about achieving orgasm; they experienced something far different. It was as if they had transcended to some higher level of existence for those moments that the pleasure they brought to each other coursed through their respective bodies.
//it's in the air we breathe tonight
love will lead us, she will lead us//
In those moments he understood what is was to be a god, to be able to bring such a beautiful creature to such heights.
What he and Bree had shared that night wasn't sex. No, they'd both had sex before, and it wasn't that Bree was, technically speaking, the best he'd ever had. Of course anyone who'd ever spent the night with Bree, and there have been quite a few, could attest to the same thing. No, for them it had been something more. For them it was the culmination of two years of tension and want, of love and frustration all meeting in an unparalleled explosion of heat.
//life is like a shooting star
it don't matter who you are
if you only run for cover, it's just a waste of time//
Bree was a temptation. Not just for sex, but for everything he wanted and couldn't have. She was a reminder of that. Watching Bree sleep, he knew without a shadow of a doubt the he would always think about her. Always want her. And no matter how hard he tried not to be, he would always be in love with her.
//we are lost 'til we are found
this phoenix rises up from the ground
and all these wars are over//
He sighed. Turning around, he caught eyes with Luke, who was standing a few feet away, watching him watch Bree. They stood there for a few minutes.
//over
over
singin' la da da, da da da//
Even if everything Jess was thinking wasn't written all over his face, Luke knew what he was feeling. He, too, knew what it was like to want someone he couldn't have.
//over
come to me
singin' la da da da, da da da
come to me//
"Couldn't sleep?" Luke finally said.
Jess gave no answer.
"Yeah, me either. I was just about to make myself some tea - do you want some?"
Jess closed the bedroom door and started to head back to the couch.
"You better be careful," Luke called out. "It's not just about you anymore."
"Excuse me?"
"It's not just about you anymore," Luke repeated. "How you feel, what you do. It affects someone else, and I don't mean Bree."
The harshness in Jess's face relaxed a bit. "Rory," he said quietly.
"She's not like you, Jess."
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Jess said, turning to face Luke.
"It means she wasn't brought up the way you were."
"And what the hell would you know about the way I was brought up?" Jess bit back harshly.
They glared at each other for a few minutes before Luke said, "Rory lives this nice, quiet life filled with school, her mother and teenage puppy love, you -"
"I live in a world filled with nothing but sex, drugs and rock and roll, right?" Jess replied harshly.
"Jess......."
"You don't know anything about me or my life, Uncle Luke, so don't....."
"I know that you're terrified that one day Rory is going to wake up and realize she's made a mistake and doesn't want to be with you," Luke interjected quickly. Jess didn't respond, so Luke continued. "I know that as happy as you are with your friends moving here, you are just as scared that Rory is going to realize that while Taylor and Lorelai and everyone else aren't completely right about you, that they're not completely wrong either. And I know that you have no idea what to do about the fact that you are crazy about one girl and still in love with another."
Silence filled the apartment as the two men stared at each other. A moment passed.
"They're so different" Jess said softly
"Huh?" Luke cocked his head; Jess hadn't really been saying that to him.
"Rory and Bree. They're so different," Jess said again. "Rory sees the world like it's her best friend. The sun is smiling and the birds are singing and everything is coming up roses all the time... I hate people like that. People who are so sure that, in the end, everything is going to be ok, all the time. Those are the same people who think Elvis is still alive or that OJ was framed, but with Rory....... At 10, she was reading stuff that most people never do. She's open minded, and quick, and funny. True intelligence and optimism, I didn't think it was possible for one person to have both traits. I thought they were mutually exclusive, and they are, most of the time. But Rory's got both in full force and she's so sure of it, that it's almost contagious. That hope that she has, you can't help but feel it too sometimes, when you're around her." Jess paused for a moment before beginning again. "But Bree, she's the complete opposite. While Rory will always look on the bright side; Bree will force you to look at things objectively. She'll make you face your own personal hell, but she will always be right there to help you through it. She sees people and the world for exactly who and what they are - without the pretence. And when she speaks you know that she didn't learn about life from books, you get the impression that she knows from personal experience."
"'The impression'?"
Jess smiled slightly. "Bree's life is a mystery even to those of us who know her best. A lot of stuff she keeps really close to herself. She doesn't lie or hide anything, she just prefers to keep some things private, which I understand. After a point, you don't have to know every detail of a person's life to know them. She's got these moments though. When she's peaceful and content and the entire world just falls into step and in those moments....... nothing can touch you," he finished, almost in awe.
Luke nodded. "She sounds like an amazing girl."
"She is," Jess replied. "With the exception of Dom, she's probably the most intelligent and capable person I know."
"*Dom*?" Luke said incredulously.
"You'd be surprised," Jess responded, laughing quietly.
"I don't doubt it," Luke murmured. After a moment, he nodded towards the bedroom where Bree was sleeping. "So what are you going to do?"
"About what?" Jess said, sitting down at the kitchen table, where Luke was. "It's too late, and I'm with Rory."
"Are those mutually exclusive?" Luke asked, taking a seat across from Jess.
"My liking Rory has nothing to do with my feelings for Bree. I'm with Rory because I like her, not because I can't be with someone else." Jess paused. "You should understand that; I mean, you told me about Rachel and all."
"Yes, but Rachel left -"
"Rachel left because of Lorelai, you told me," Jess interrupted. "The difference is that Bree and I aren't over because of anyone except ourselves. Rory wasn't really even a factor in that." He snorted a short, bitter laugh. "I say 'over' - like there was something there to have started in the first place."
Luke nodded sympathetically.
"It's just... too late," Jess finished up. "I know that. We both do."
"What if it wasn't too late?" Luke asked, knowing that Rory would be wondering the same thing. "What if there was still a chance for you and Bree?"
"There isn't," Jess replied quickly.
"But what if there was?"
Jess paused for a moment, then answered honestly. "I don't know. I don't *want* to know."
Luke nodded. They sat there in silence for a while, each taking in what the other had said.
"How am I supposed to be 'just friends' with someone I can't help but be attracted to?" Jess finally said.
Luke laughed softly. "Ah, the eternal question."
"I can deal with still loving her, but the whole 'I wanna jump your bones' thing is what could be potentially dangerous."
Luke shook his head, still laughing a bit.
"No, I'm asking you - *how*?" Jess asked seriously. "You seem to do pretty well with Lorelai."
"Lorelai is a special case," Luke sighed ruefully.
"Because she's completely oblivious, right?" Jess said, picking up steam as he spoke. "I mean, to get her to listen, you'd probably have to tie her down, which sounds pretty hard because she seems like the type that would squirm around a lot. And even if you did manage to get her in a position to listen to anything you have to say, I'll bet you 10 bucks that you wouldn't be able to spit it out. It's probably go something like, 'I love....... bean sprouts and chocolate sauce' and then you'd be stuck eating that disgusting combination of food 'cause Lorelai never forgets and you are entirely too chicken to ever 'fess up and tell the damn woman that you're in love with her!"
"You done?"
"Just about, yeah."
"Ok."
"Back to my question?"
"Right. Ok, I guess you have to ask yourself, do you like her? Not as a girlfriend or a whatever, but as a human being, do you like her?" Luke asked.
"Yes."
"Is your life better with her in it?"
"Without a doubt," Jess replied without hesitation.
"Then you'll find a way to make it work," Luke said seriously. "Because when you want something bad enough, you find a way. You just keep trying and eventually the pieces just fall into place."
"Oh, yeah - *that* helps," was the sarcastic response.
"It's either that, or cutting her out entirely. Think about what your life would be like then."
Jess sat there for a few minutes. "So you just find a way?"
"Yup. May not be the healthiest solution, but it's been working so far."
After a while Luke said, "You know, it's late and we've both got a big day ahead of us with Dom and Bree moving in. Taylor will no doubt find a way to make me responsible, and not that I care, but on top of the strained back I am sure to have by the end of the day, that's a lot to take without sleep."
"You don't have to help, you know. I mean, the three of us can handle it ourselves. We're pretty good at that."
"Yeah, I know, but I'll probably end up being there anyway. Y'know, in case something gets lost or broken, movers aren't easy to deal with and I don't want you kids being taken advantage of. Do they even have an apartment to move into yet?"
"Not yet," Jess answered. "But I'm not worried; Bree always comes through at the last minute."
"You really trust her, don't you?" Luke said thoughtfully.
"She's never let me down before. She's earned it."
"All right." There was an awkward pause. "So, umm, get some sleep and I'll see you later."
"Yeah." They'd started to walk back to their respective sleeping areas when Jess stopped. "I'm sorry."
Luke slowly turned around. "For what?"
"Your friendship with Lorelai is hard enough, and I didn't exactly make things easier."
"It's alright, you didn't really know."
"I could have asked," Jess said seriously.
"Thanks."
Jess nodded and they both went to bed. They had a long day ahead of them.
Next time…….
"Hello?…Oh hi…Yeah she's right here, hold on." Luke held out the phone to Bree. "Bree, it's Dom." She took the phone and leaned comfortably against the counter.
"Hey Babe...tomorrow? Why? Where are you?...Dom....." Her voice raised in frustration and a hint of anger. "Is this your one phone call?!!!"