AN: Alright, so Danyel sent me the betaed versian. Now you guys can see how good he makes me look. He's fantastic and I adore him. So this is the is repost.

This chapter has been passed around and so many people have contributed to it….Dana, Laura, Stew, Gnat… they deserve so much credit for putting up with my endless quest for perfection. Thanks to all my reviewers. You guys help me, a lot.

I'm maintaining the rating of this chapter as pg-13. But be warned that there is some language, and although I don't go into detail, some mature subject matter is involved. But I want you all to know that the rating will be raised to R without warning, so if you're looking for updates..be sure to make sure you set the comp to see R rating fics, or you'll miss the updates.

Speaking of updates..if anyone out there wants to be E-Mailed when I update..give me your E-mail addy. But, there is a catch. If I send you an E-mail to update…you gotta review, lol. I'm not gonna beg for reviews or withhold chapters…but if I take the time out to send you an E-mail, I think its only fair that you do me the same courtesy and take a few minutes to leave me a review.

Happy Easter and have a great Passover

Enjoy and please, review

By the time Jess got up the next morning, the apartment was empty. He got dressed and wandered down the stairs where he saw the usual sights. Luke was serving customers their food, while Lorelai was sitting at the counter eagerly waiting for Luke to finish up with the other patrons so that she could go another round of 'coffee wars' - otherwise known as 'how long can Luke hold out?' Jess sighed and walked behind the counter to make more coffee.

"Hey Luke?" Jess called out to his uncle, "Have you seen Bree?"

"No. She was out before I got up. I was actually going to ask you."

"Hmm, maybe she moved on to the next town," Lorelai said under her breath.

As if on cue, the door opened and Bree walked through.

"And I have an apartment!" she announced, taking a seat at the counter.

"Really? Where?" Jess asked

"The one down the street, with the blue window shutters."

"You mean the one with the 'SOLD' sign out front?" Lorelai asked incredulously. "The one that's been SOLD for over a month?"

"That's the one," Bree replied casually. "Can I get some cranberry juice?"

"And you bought this when?" Lorelai asked, still not quite sure of what was going on.

"This morning. I made 'em an offer they couldn't refuse - and no, I didn't offer to sleep with them, so don't even," Bree said, shooting Jess a look.

"I wasn't going to say anything," Jess replied innocently.

"Right," Bree said, a knowing smile on her face. "So, the apartment is all up to code and all ready for us to move into. Dom should be here in a little while with our stuff. It's a nice place. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, living room space and a small kitchen - not that it matters. I'm not exactly Suzy Homemaker," she finished with a laugh.

"Is it furnished?" Luke asked.

"No, not really. But that's good. I like how the old place looked, and so we're just transferring everything here."

"Speaking of which, are you and Dom going to be okay living together? Sharing a bathroom? I mean, Rory and I can hardly do it," Lorelai said.

"Well, considering we've been sharing a bathroom for almost two years, I think we'll be okay," Bree responded.

"Huh?"

"Dom and I have been living together for almost two years."

"Really?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah. It didn't start out like that though. It was cold outside, and he needed a place to crash for a few days and he just never really left. It's nice though, I hate living alone."

"I guess Dom's better than Wilson," Lorelai conceded.

"What?" Luke questioned, bewildered. "Who's Wilson?"

"The volley ball," Lorelai answered. "From the movie 'Castaway'. You really need to get out more, Luke. But then, who would replace him as Stars Hollow's very own hermit?" she wondered aloud. "No, we need Mister There's-Only-Room-In-My-Life-For-Me-And-No-One-Touches-The-Milk-But-Me Backwards-Baseball-Cap-Luke. He's very entertaining that way. Lots of material for jokes."

A little bemused by the name, Bree couldn't help asking, "What's that about the milk?"

"He doesn't like people moving the milk around. That's why he likes living alone. This place is his own personal hermitage."

"But Jess lives with Luke," Bree pointed out skeptically.

"I don't touch his milk."

"There is no milk rule," Luke stated conclusively. "All I've ever said was that I had no problem living alone. It's nice to put something somewhere and always find it exactly where you put it. That's all."

"Well, when you put it that way...." Bree pondered the idea for a second. "No, I still hate living alone. If I can't find my stuff, I just steal someone else's."

"Speaking of which, Bree," Jess picked up, "Nice clothes."

She wore a baggy pair of jeans that were held on her with a belt pulled very tight and a black tee shirt that pulled slightly around her breasts.

"I thought so, it's why I stole 'em from you. I always did look better in your clothes," she replied, smiling

"As opposed to what? You *out* of my clothes?" Jess said with a teasing grin.

"Well...." Bree started laughing.

Lorelai and Luke gazed on the scene, thinking different things. Luke was happy that Jess was being himself, while all Lorelai saw was trouble... which seemed almost confirmed (at least to her) as Rory and Lane entered.
"Hey," Bree greeted.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Luke, coffee" Rory called out

"Stay or to go?"

"To go, I have to leave for SAT prep in a few minutes." Rory looked at Lorelai. "What's going on?"

"Bree found an apartment," Lorelai replied.

"Congrats," Lane said.

Rory stared blankly and Lane elbowed her in the side. "Oh. That is great. Congratulations, Bree."

"Thanks," Bree said casually.

"Where's the apartment?" Lane asked.

"Apparently it's known around here as 'the one with the 'SOLD' sign'," Bree answered dryly.

"The one down the street with the blue window shutters?" Rory tried to confirm.

"See, that's how I put it. They didn't know which one I was talking about."

"It's been sold for over a month."

"So I've heard. And it's still sold. Only now it's sold to me as opposed to the old man with the Bo Derek obsession."

"Hi" Jess said smiling. Walking over to Rory and handing her a styrophome cup over the counter.

Rory smiled, "Hey." Rory was about to say something else when Lorelai beat her to it.

"Didn't Dudley Moore die this year?" Lorelai asked to no one in particular.

"You killed him, didn't you?" Jess snickered, turning his attention back to Bree. "Jeez, Bree, it's just an apartment."

"Well, you know what they say. All's fair in love and real estate."

"All right. So where's the body? I can't believe we have to do this again," Jess muttered, running his hand through his hair for the dramatic effect.

"Hey, the last one wasn't mine, remember?" Bree countered.

"What are you two talking about?" a confused Luke interjected.

"Well...." Bree hesitated.

"Actually...." Jess tried to continue.

"Statute of limitations prevents us from saying anything further," Bree finished.

"We do have the legal right not to incriminate ourselves," Jess added.

"Sorry," Bree shrugged.

"So really, Bree. How did you get the apartment?" Lorelai asked.

"A woman never reveals her secrets."

Lane looked at her watch. "Oops, Mama will lock me in a room and throw away the key if I'm not back in 2.5 seconds. Rory, call me!" she yelled, stuffing a muffin in her mouth as she ran out the door.

"Don't choke!" Rory called after her.

"That girl's on a mission," Lorelai commented, still watching Lane through the window. "Run, Forrest. Run!"

"I should get started on *my* mission," Bree declared. "Have to start packing the place up with the necessities - junk food, beer, rubber bands -"

Lorelai looked at Rory quizzically. "Rubber bands?"

Rory shrugged.

"- before Dom gets here," Bree continued. "Jess, you coming?"

"Yes, madam."

"Rory, you want to come?" Bree invited. "You haven't been shopping until you've been shopping with me."

"I think you mean she hasn't been *shoplifting* until she's been shopping with you," Jess corrected.

"Oh honey, I think you're mistaking me for you and Dom. As you can recall, I always had money to pay for things." Bree said too sweetly. "It was you and Dom who needed to resort to petty theft."

"Bitch!" Jess laughed, shaking his head.

The phone rang, and Luke answered with his customary grunt.

"Hello? Oh hi... Yeah, she's right here, hold on." Luke held out the phone to Bree. "Bree, it's Dom."

She took the phone and leaned comfortably against the counter. "Hey Babe...tomorrow? why? Where are you?...Dom....." Her voice raised in frustration and a hint of anger. "Is this your one phone call!?"

Jess, overhearing the conversation, rolled his eyes and sighed. After hearing the unknown words on the other end of the line, Bree's voice returned to calm.

"Who? Again? No, just...use my card. Dom...got a pen? 2739485749. Got it? All right, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

Bree hung up the phone and sighed, her eyes lingering on the wall on which the phone was mounted. As soon as she returned to face the crowd, the eyes of all the eavesdroppers darted towards all the other corners of the room, but their ears were still keenly focused on Bree.

Lorelai finally broke the awkward hum of silence with genuine concern.

"Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Bree shrugged. She looked over at Jess's questioning face. "Lorenzo."

Jess let out a faint laugh.

"What'd he do this time?"

Bree mocked an innocent tone, "Nothing. He was just -"

"- talking to the guy," Jess finished with her in perfect chorus, then laughed. "Yeah, got it."

Bree rolled her eyes at the whole thing. They knew the story all too well.

Lorelai broke in, "Why would he get arrested for talking to some...oh. Big Phish fan, huh?"

"No, he's more of a Metallica kinda guy," Bree replied.

"Oh, and don't forget that godawful Spanish music he downloaded onto your computer," Jess groaned.

"It isn't that bad." Bree rolled her eyes.

"Except that it really is."

"It's not half as awful as that industrial crap you clogged my hard drive with."

"Oh, you're kidding. Contagious Orgasm, Anal Kitty, Torture Chorus -"

Bree laughed. "Great names, bad music. It's not even music, it's noise. I'll take Enzo's Spanish version of 'Jailhouse Rock' any day."

"Speaking of which, did the MP's show up?" Jess asked.

"No, he's not AWOL this time. Just on leave. Which is too bad, 'cause I liked getting letters from the Brig."

"Yeah, but at least we don't have to deal with a pregnant Tanya again."

"And we would still be dealing with her if I hadn't loaned her the money... of which she still owes me."

"You're kidding? It's been over a year. How much?"

"Three hundred," she answered flatly.

"That's cheaper then the last one."

"That's what they tell me. Maybe she gets a discount. You know? Get two, get the third one at half price."

Jess shook his head, "Crude, but you have a right to say it. You are entirely too nice to that girl."

"Yeah, I don't know why. I don't even like her all that much."

"Umm, guilt maybe?"

"Hey, he was already fucking around on her. I don't see what was so bad about sleeping with him, and that was only once," she reasoned defensively.

"She was still your friend," Jess prodded.

"Not even. Only because of him really. And I was the one who kept telling Lorenzo to either stop fucking around on her, or break it off. And what about Jenifer? She's Tanya's best friend and Enzo was fucking her on a daily basis!"

"Yeah, but still. I mean, you knew it was wrong. Other than me and Dom, you didn't tell anyone, and getting you to tell us was like pulling teeth."

"Right, because we all know I love to advertise about my personal life." Acid dripped from her voice.

"Well, it was still a dick thing to do."

"You're a goddamn woman, you know that!" Bree shot back, suddenly angry.

"Fuck you," Jess snapped, his own temper fraying.

"Oh, baby, not now, I'm tired. But maybe later when you GROW A PAIR!" Bree snarled, her anger rapidly peaking.

"Whatever."

"Oh," she said, her voice suddenly upbeat and without malice, "since Dom isn't coming 'til tomorrow, I did have this idea...."

"Yeah?"

Meanwhile, Luke, Lorelai, and Rory, though in no great physical distance from Jess and Bree, interacted in their own world that was, in fact, a great deal far away from the things that Jess and Bree had known.

"Well, I have to get going to my class now. I'll see you later, mom."

"Okay, sweetie. And when it starts getting rough, just remember what SAT stands for."

"And how is that supposed to help me?"

"I don't know. What does SAT stand for?"

"'Bye, mom. 'Bye, Luke."

"Any chance you could take her with you, Rory?" Luke called after her.

"Sorry," she said as she exited the diner, waving at Jess.

Jess gave a perfunctory wave as Bree finished up the details of her plan.

"So can you do it?" Bree finally asked.

"It'll probably take all night."

"That's not what I asked," Bree retorted.

"Bitch," he shot back. He paused for a moment, then, "Yeah, I can do it. Do you have a map though? 'Cause I can't do it from memory."

"And you call yourself a New Yorker," Bree snickered, shaking her head in overdone pity.

"Hey, the only person who could probably do it from memory is Dom, and that's only because he slept there for a year."

"Yes, I have a map, and see, I am nice. I'm making Dom feel at home."

"And once again I say: bitch!" Jess quipped amiably.

"You say that like it's a *bad* thing."

Jess laughed and rolled his eyes. "Well, come on. We should get started."

He and Bree picked up and walked to the door.

"We're out," he called back as they left.

Outside, Bree looked at either direction down the street. "Paint?" she asked him.

"Left," Jess supplied, and Bree followed, matching Jess step for step

Next time......

"You know, I almost forgot how easy getting stuff is when you've got a fortune backing you up. I missed that power and confidence that comes with being rich."

"Is this the spoiled little rich girl that I met a few years ago, 'cause you know I really didn't like her."

********

"It's not just about the sentence, Rory. We're being coached by a complete imbecile. How am I supposed to get an 800 on the Verbal section with that nincompoop for a teacher? We might end up talking like him. In fact, I was almost going to call out 'yo' when I was trying to catch up with you."

"I might have walked faster just to hear it. Paris, the man is on his last year at Amherst. He's an English major."

"Amherst. Do you know who goes to Amherst? The people who don't get into Harvard."