Jess disclosed all the minutiae he had observed about each town member as they went to the paint store. By the time they came outside again, Bree knew all of Kirk's occupations, all of Miss Patty's husbands, and the history of the Luke-Bootsy rivalry. The biographical lesson was soon reduced to Stars Hollow snickering, when they bumped into Rory in front of Taylor's store.

"Hey. Fancy meeting you two here," Rory greeted.

"You mean in the twenty-first century?" Jess quipped.

"Hey, Rory," Bree said, then looked back to Jess. "I'm going in the store. I'll be right out."

As Bree went inside, Rory took in the paint-splatters on Jess' hair and skin. "Why do you look like the Dutch Boy threw up on you?"

"I was helping Bree fix up the place before Dom gets back."

"So, how's it going?" Rory asked, trying to be genuinely curious.

Jess laughed lightly. "Well, I got about as much paint on the walls as Bree got on me, so I'd say it's going pretty well."

"I see. So I guess you're going to be at that all day," she said disappointedly.

Jess completely missed that clue. "It's gonna take a while. Why?"

"No reason," Rory shrugged, trying not to be hurt.

"What are you doing today?"

"It's Friday, remember? I have dinner in Hartford."

"I thought your grandparents were in Florida."

"No. My grandfather's in Florida."

"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. Yeah. Um, see you tomorrow."

An awkward pause set in.

"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Rory repeated in a mumble, giving up and walking away.

"Okay. Yeah. Um, see you tomorrow," Jess told her retreating back. He was a little baffled by what had just happened, but he didn't have time to think much of it before his attention was diverted by Bree emerging from the market. "So what'd you get?"

"Do you know that's a very personal question to ask?" Bree chided.

"What?"

"You can tell a lot about a person from what they buy at a store."

"Just because a guy buys condoms doesn't mean he's getting lucky," Jess countered as they started back towards the apartment.

"But he's got expectations."

"Or he could want you to think he has expectations."

"Yeah, but that's still an expectation." Bree said casually.

"Fine. Whatever," he yielded.

"I'm just messing with you. I just picked up some stuff. Some turpentine to get the paint off my boots -"

"You're better off with the paint. That stuff's gonna mess up the leather."

"O, ye of little faith. How do you think I fixed my leather pants the last time?"

"So a woman covered in paint buys turpentine. That's pretty much self-explanatory. What else?" Jess prodded.

"Nothing. Quaker Oats and shampoo."

"Quaker Oats? Let's see, you either have cholesterol problems or libido problems."

"Baby, you know I have neither."

"Do I? That shampoo, would it happen to be Herbal Essence?" Jess jibed.

"I can sooner get an orgasm from the turpentine. I don't need the help."

"The first step to curing the problem is admitting you have one. You know, I can help you," Jess said suggestively.

"Wouldn't you like to try," Bree teased.

"Well, when I try, I tend to succeed."

"That's not your most recent reputation." Bree took the chance to score a point of her own. "In fact, I forgot when you were talking about the guy with the condoms that you were talking from experience."

"So really, what are the oats for?"

"Some people eat them," Bree retorted sarcastically.

"So do horses. And you -"

"Oat water is good for the skin."

"Ah."

"And... I don't know. I think the Quaker Man is kinda sexy."

Jess shook his head. "You really don't have libido problems."

Bree smiled and patted him on the cheek. "And you don't have expectations."

***********************************************

Rory slammed the door behind her as she came in, throwing her book-bag on the floor and stomping towards the refrigerator. Lorelai raced down the steps.

"Oh. It's just you. I thought the Jolly Green Giant came to lecture us about not having any vegetables in the house. Rough day?"

"The usual."

"Ah. Rough day. What are you doing?"

Rory's head was buried in the fridge as she searched impatiently. "Where is it?"

"If you don't see it, we're out of it. There's nothing behind the invisible ham."

"We really need to go shopping."

"Why? That's what Luke's is for?"

"It's bad preparation. I mean, if there's a hurricane and we're stuck in the house -"

"- I'll get Luke to deliver," Lorelai offered blithely.

"Fine. Where's the soda?"

"What soda?"

"The cherry cola that was in the fridge just yesterday."

"Must have finally gotten away. You know, several times yesterday it tried to escape."

"You drank a whole bottle of cherry cola?" Rory said incredulously.

"Well... I had help."

"Who?"

"Hey, the burden of proof is on you, missy," Lorelai told her daughter, mock-sternly.

"What?"

"I don't know. I always wanted to say that. It's such a nice cop-out."

"So go to law school!" Rory all but snapped. She looked up a moment later. "I'm sorry, Mom, it's been a long day."

"Yeah, I can see that. Anything you want to talk about?"

"No, I'm okay." Rory forced a smile. "So we have nothing to drink?"

"Well, there's fruit punch there. That has cherry in it. Or at least cherry flavor, somewhere, I'm sure."

"I needed the effervescence."

"Well, hey. You've got me. I'm effervescent," Lorelai said brightly.

"Yeah. I'm sure that bottle is still in your system."

"Okay. I'm an effervescence hog. I'm sorry. But just remember who stopped who -"

"Whom."

"What?"

"Who stopped whom."

"Kaplan whore!" Lorelai gasped in feigned outrage.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's Paris."

"Understood. So just remember who stopped whom from buying the Carbonator."

"The what?"

"The Fizzer?"

"Still don't know what you're talking about," the younger Gilmore frowned.

"That thing on TV that cures flat soda of its flatness, puts the pop back in pop, and carbonates just about any beverage. I was going to buy it. You told me not to."

"Yeah. That was because I didn't want carbonated orange juice."

"But I bet carbonated orange juice is looking pretty good to you right now."

"I've forgotten why I wanted soda anyway."

"Good. See, that's what I'm here for."

"Well, I'm going to get some work done before we go to grandma and grandpa's."

"Ugh. You just killed my effervescence."

"That's what I'm here for. I'll be in my room."

Next Time.........



"So grandma, have you heard from grandpa?" Rory tried to start up a conversation.



"Yes. He'll be coming back on Monday," Emily responded flatly.



"Is he enjoying Florida?" Rory pressed on.



"No one enjoys Florida in the summer. It's a desert filled with children and senior citizens waiting to die," Emily stated matter-of-factly.

---------------------------

"So you're telling me that Lorelai left her rich family with Rory when she was 16?" Bree asked.



Jess nodded, still concentrating on the project.



"Yup."



"Well, she's got guts, I'll give her that."



"I guess," he replied, nonchalantly



"I mean, it's selfish and stupid, but gutsy,"