And now for the condensed version of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:

DURSLEYS
We're here; everyone may now 'boo'.

HARRY
I'm miserable and alone...

DOBBY
Meesa here for annoying relief! Yousa no go back to Hogwarts or else meesa try to kill you, okie-day?

HARRY
GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

RON, GEORGE & FRED
Here we come to save the day!

GINNY
I love you, Harry, but of course I'll never say anything and just give a really annoying, creepy presence. And commit felonies. Such a nice way to start my first year!

MALFOY
I hate you more this year, Potter. And so do my lovers-I mean friends, Crabbe and Goyle. So does my father! So nah, nah, nah boo boo!

MOANING MYRTLE
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll jump down a toilet!

ARAGOG
Mmmm . Potter & Weasley filét.

TOM RIDDLE AKA VOLDEMORT
Hah, fooled you, Potter, you great oaf---oh wait, that's Hagrid. You just annoy me. You must die. NOW.

HARRY
I think not! *foils Voldemort AGAIN*

TOM RIDDLE AKA VOLDEMORT
Son-of-a-b----oh wait, this is a kid's movie. *disintegrates* You know I'll be back, right?

HARRY
Like, DUH.

THE END