Chapter 8: Big Rhonda and the Crackhead
*****
Jen paced the cell her eyes erratically moving back and forth as she paced the cage. A loud clank caught her attention and she quickly rushed over the bars and squinted. Sergeant Williams gripped the arm of a teenage girl with a fat lip and a limp as he led her to Jen's cell.
"Sarge! Sarge! Can I ask you somethin?" she asked inquisitively.
"No, Jen. For the last time I don't have any crack. Now shut your pie hole!"
Dismayed, Jen growled and sat down on the bench, eyeing the newcomer closely from a distance. She looked frazzled and grumpy - like she had snapped. She inched toward the corner cautiously as the cell door was opened and Sergeant Williams undid the cuffs.
"Lana Lang - this is Jen Holden. Don't worry, she's harmless," the officer said, relinquishing the hold on his prisoner.
Lana took a deep breath and sat down on the bench, wary of her cellmate. The cell door was slammed shut as Jen eyed her suspiciously. After careful observation, she concluded the newcomer wasn't a threat. During her long history of drug abuse, Jen had seen much worse. At closer inspection, she realized Lana was just a kid who got into a fight and probably never saw the inside of prison cell. Still she couldn't be too certain. She scratched her neck and tilted her head in Lana's direction.
"Psst! Hey! Hey!" She whispered. "Got any crack?" She continued with a desperate gleam in her eye.
Lana looked back at her, her eyes widened, her jaw slack. Jen continued scratching her neck and her hair and every other body part as she nervously bounced up and down on her seat. She reminded Lana of Mallory, a girl with attention deficit disorder she used to go to school with until one day when Mallory overdosed on Ritalin.
"Um. no, sorry, fresh out," she finally responded limply.
"Damn! I swear to God, I'm gonna kill someone if I don't get some crack soon." she trailed off as she bit her lip and started to shiver.
Lana took in her appearance as she would probably never see a crackhead ever again. Her face was pockmarked and was heavily wrinkled. Her hair, a stringy dirty blonde which lay limply on her shoulders and her fingernails were unkept. She was on the thin side - Lana could see the silhouette of ribs on what flesh was exposed of her chest. They were a prominent shade of red, obviously from her frequent scratching habit. She briefly considered that Jen might have fleas and scooted away from her.
"So, what you in for, Lana Lang? Crack? Are you going to the shit house? Ever been? It's not so bad. you got to remember to punk some bitch out on the first day though - or you'll be munchin' carpet for the rest of your sentence."
"I'm a minor."
"Oh, it doesn't matter. Even in juvi, you've got to show 'em who's the boss, ya know? Yeah, it wasn't that long ago that I was in there. This one time in juvi, Big Rhonda came up to me in the shower and tapped on me on the shoulder."
"Hold on a sec - how old are you?"
"Twenty two."
"Twenty two?" Lana gasped. She looked like she was in her thirties at least.
"Okay, now where was I. got any crack on you? Oh wait, I asked you that already. Oh right, Big Rhonda. So anyway, Big Rhonda tapped me on the shoulder, and let me tell you - when Big Rhonda taps you on the shoulder or anywhere else for that matter - you turn around quick or the next thing you know, you're being broom-handled!"
Before she could continue her cute anecdote, the clank of metal was heard once again and Clark strolled in, a guard standing by the door looking over them. Lana ran to the bars relieved, not only at seeing him, but receiving the chance to escape from Jen's topic of conversation. She kissed him and they linked their hands together between the bars.
"Are you okay, Lana? Don't worry; I'm going to get you out of here as soon as I can."
"How's Maria - is she dead?" she asked, realizing too late that she sounded hopeful.
"No, she's in the hospital; I don't know how bad it is. I'm going to call Lex and see if he might be able to help us out. Just hold on for a little longer and you'll be out of here soon, okay?"
"Okay, Clark. Go do what you have to do."
He looked warmly at Lana and began to pull away, but a hand reached out and grabbed his arm, tugging it with tenacity.
Jen gave a crooked smile to him and asked with a cockney accent, "Kind sir, do you think you could spare some crack for a poor girl down on her luck?"
Clark raised his eyebrows and looked at Lana. She shrugged.
*****
Lex wiped the sweat off his brow as he showed up at the police station with his associate. Heads turned toward them as the pair walked with Sergeant Williams to lockup. The grizzled police force veteran just shook his head the two best dressed men to ever enter the station kept pace with him, the staccato of their Gucci shoes ringing off the dingy floor. Clark was inside comforting Lana as the two were let in.
"Sir, could you step outside, we can't let more than two visitors in at once," Williams ordered bluntly. "You two have ten minutes."
Clark gave a quick smile to Lex for his help and walked out of the holding area, doing a double take as he recognized Lex's companion. Lana let out a full grin as she saw the new arrivals.
"Tom, don't go! Tom?" Jen cried out from beside Lana.
"For crying out loud, he's not Tom Welling - doesn't look a thing like him!" she replied. "Now shut up, I've got business to discuss here."
Jen sulked back into the corner and began picking at the imaginary scabs on her face.
"Hey, Lana, you doing okay? I got you the best lawyer I could find - this is my associate, Johnnie Cochrane," Lex said triumphantly.
"Good evening, Ms. Lang," he said, shaking her hand. "Let me tell you straight off the bat that this is an absolute abomination of your civil rights! Throwing a minor into lockdown with the scum of the earth," he exclaimed, gesturing toward her cellmate.
"Hey!" Jen shouted in protest.
"It's a travesty, and I will not stand here and do nothing while they hold you in these inhumane conditions. Now you might want to know the full list of charges brought against you. They are: disturbing the peace, assault with intent to injure and willful destruction of private property."
"What? I'm in deep shit aren't I?" she asked.
"Oh don't be silly, Ms. Lang. Maria Vargas has been placed in a mental institution by her parents after they discovered a shrine to Mr. Kent in her closet, as well as altar to Satan himself. They also found pictures of you which she had apparently stabbed repeatedly and written curses all over. Thus, the assault charge was dropped. Destruction of private property was also dropped as Mr. Luthor here has offered to compensate all their loses. Frankly I don't agree with his decision, I bet you sustained some injuries falling into those pieces. If I had it my way I would have sued PBS for your injuries, not only caused by those antiques, but by the inadequate security! They should have stopped your altercation well before it got out of hand - we have them on camera cheering the two of you on during your little deathmatch for heaven's sake. Absolutely appalling, atrocious and disgusting! All that leaves is disturbing the peace which is a misdemeanor meaning you'll only have to do community service. Everything's going to be fine, Ms. Lang, now I'm going to post bail for you and you can get your things and go."
Lana thanked Cochrane before he got up and walked confidently out of the holding area, giving vicious looks to everyone who passed him.
"What injustice is this? Holding a teenage girl in a jail cell? I want to talk to the station chief! The chief of police! The mayor! The governor! The president! What are you looking at, son? Never seen a black man walk out of a prison cell without handcuffs on? That's right you better look away. I'll get the NAACP, the UN, Amnesty International, you name it - all over here faster than transvestite prostitute can get his makeup on. You - get me some coffee," he shouted at various officers as he went.
"Lex - I can't even begin to thank you enough for all of this." Lana began.
"Hey - anything to help you guys out. Though I did go through a lot of trouble getting this mess sorted out so the least you could do is tell me what the hell is going on. Now I know Clark would never cheat on you, and I've never seen you get that angry in my life. Something's afoot and I want to know what. I'm tired of being out of the loop."
All Lana could do was stare at the light glistening off his head as she tried to come up with a response. Williams walked in and unlocked the cell as Clark followed from behind.
"Good news Ms. Lang, you can get out of here now."
"Tom?" Jen asked from the corner.
"No, not Tom. Clark. C-L-A-R-K," he said slowly.
"Tom? Would you happen to have any crack?"
*****
End Chapter.
A/N: I borrowed Dave Chappelle's crackhead character and toned it down a bit to create Jen. If you ever catch his show on Comedy Central, check it out - you'll piss your pants.
*****
Jen paced the cell her eyes erratically moving back and forth as she paced the cage. A loud clank caught her attention and she quickly rushed over the bars and squinted. Sergeant Williams gripped the arm of a teenage girl with a fat lip and a limp as he led her to Jen's cell.
"Sarge! Sarge! Can I ask you somethin?" she asked inquisitively.
"No, Jen. For the last time I don't have any crack. Now shut your pie hole!"
Dismayed, Jen growled and sat down on the bench, eyeing the newcomer closely from a distance. She looked frazzled and grumpy - like she had snapped. She inched toward the corner cautiously as the cell door was opened and Sergeant Williams undid the cuffs.
"Lana Lang - this is Jen Holden. Don't worry, she's harmless," the officer said, relinquishing the hold on his prisoner.
Lana took a deep breath and sat down on the bench, wary of her cellmate. The cell door was slammed shut as Jen eyed her suspiciously. After careful observation, she concluded the newcomer wasn't a threat. During her long history of drug abuse, Jen had seen much worse. At closer inspection, she realized Lana was just a kid who got into a fight and probably never saw the inside of prison cell. Still she couldn't be too certain. She scratched her neck and tilted her head in Lana's direction.
"Psst! Hey! Hey!" She whispered. "Got any crack?" She continued with a desperate gleam in her eye.
Lana looked back at her, her eyes widened, her jaw slack. Jen continued scratching her neck and her hair and every other body part as she nervously bounced up and down on her seat. She reminded Lana of Mallory, a girl with attention deficit disorder she used to go to school with until one day when Mallory overdosed on Ritalin.
"Um. no, sorry, fresh out," she finally responded limply.
"Damn! I swear to God, I'm gonna kill someone if I don't get some crack soon." she trailed off as she bit her lip and started to shiver.
Lana took in her appearance as she would probably never see a crackhead ever again. Her face was pockmarked and was heavily wrinkled. Her hair, a stringy dirty blonde which lay limply on her shoulders and her fingernails were unkept. She was on the thin side - Lana could see the silhouette of ribs on what flesh was exposed of her chest. They were a prominent shade of red, obviously from her frequent scratching habit. She briefly considered that Jen might have fleas and scooted away from her.
"So, what you in for, Lana Lang? Crack? Are you going to the shit house? Ever been? It's not so bad. you got to remember to punk some bitch out on the first day though - or you'll be munchin' carpet for the rest of your sentence."
"I'm a minor."
"Oh, it doesn't matter. Even in juvi, you've got to show 'em who's the boss, ya know? Yeah, it wasn't that long ago that I was in there. This one time in juvi, Big Rhonda came up to me in the shower and tapped on me on the shoulder."
"Hold on a sec - how old are you?"
"Twenty two."
"Twenty two?" Lana gasped. She looked like she was in her thirties at least.
"Okay, now where was I. got any crack on you? Oh wait, I asked you that already. Oh right, Big Rhonda. So anyway, Big Rhonda tapped me on the shoulder, and let me tell you - when Big Rhonda taps you on the shoulder or anywhere else for that matter - you turn around quick or the next thing you know, you're being broom-handled!"
Before she could continue her cute anecdote, the clank of metal was heard once again and Clark strolled in, a guard standing by the door looking over them. Lana ran to the bars relieved, not only at seeing him, but receiving the chance to escape from Jen's topic of conversation. She kissed him and they linked their hands together between the bars.
"Are you okay, Lana? Don't worry; I'm going to get you out of here as soon as I can."
"How's Maria - is she dead?" she asked, realizing too late that she sounded hopeful.
"No, she's in the hospital; I don't know how bad it is. I'm going to call Lex and see if he might be able to help us out. Just hold on for a little longer and you'll be out of here soon, okay?"
"Okay, Clark. Go do what you have to do."
He looked warmly at Lana and began to pull away, but a hand reached out and grabbed his arm, tugging it with tenacity.
Jen gave a crooked smile to him and asked with a cockney accent, "Kind sir, do you think you could spare some crack for a poor girl down on her luck?"
Clark raised his eyebrows and looked at Lana. She shrugged.
*****
Lex wiped the sweat off his brow as he showed up at the police station with his associate. Heads turned toward them as the pair walked with Sergeant Williams to lockup. The grizzled police force veteran just shook his head the two best dressed men to ever enter the station kept pace with him, the staccato of their Gucci shoes ringing off the dingy floor. Clark was inside comforting Lana as the two were let in.
"Sir, could you step outside, we can't let more than two visitors in at once," Williams ordered bluntly. "You two have ten minutes."
Clark gave a quick smile to Lex for his help and walked out of the holding area, doing a double take as he recognized Lex's companion. Lana let out a full grin as she saw the new arrivals.
"Tom, don't go! Tom?" Jen cried out from beside Lana.
"For crying out loud, he's not Tom Welling - doesn't look a thing like him!" she replied. "Now shut up, I've got business to discuss here."
Jen sulked back into the corner and began picking at the imaginary scabs on her face.
"Hey, Lana, you doing okay? I got you the best lawyer I could find - this is my associate, Johnnie Cochrane," Lex said triumphantly.
"Good evening, Ms. Lang," he said, shaking her hand. "Let me tell you straight off the bat that this is an absolute abomination of your civil rights! Throwing a minor into lockdown with the scum of the earth," he exclaimed, gesturing toward her cellmate.
"Hey!" Jen shouted in protest.
"It's a travesty, and I will not stand here and do nothing while they hold you in these inhumane conditions. Now you might want to know the full list of charges brought against you. They are: disturbing the peace, assault with intent to injure and willful destruction of private property."
"What? I'm in deep shit aren't I?" she asked.
"Oh don't be silly, Ms. Lang. Maria Vargas has been placed in a mental institution by her parents after they discovered a shrine to Mr. Kent in her closet, as well as altar to Satan himself. They also found pictures of you which she had apparently stabbed repeatedly and written curses all over. Thus, the assault charge was dropped. Destruction of private property was also dropped as Mr. Luthor here has offered to compensate all their loses. Frankly I don't agree with his decision, I bet you sustained some injuries falling into those pieces. If I had it my way I would have sued PBS for your injuries, not only caused by those antiques, but by the inadequate security! They should have stopped your altercation well before it got out of hand - we have them on camera cheering the two of you on during your little deathmatch for heaven's sake. Absolutely appalling, atrocious and disgusting! All that leaves is disturbing the peace which is a misdemeanor meaning you'll only have to do community service. Everything's going to be fine, Ms. Lang, now I'm going to post bail for you and you can get your things and go."
Lana thanked Cochrane before he got up and walked confidently out of the holding area, giving vicious looks to everyone who passed him.
"What injustice is this? Holding a teenage girl in a jail cell? I want to talk to the station chief! The chief of police! The mayor! The governor! The president! What are you looking at, son? Never seen a black man walk out of a prison cell without handcuffs on? That's right you better look away. I'll get the NAACP, the UN, Amnesty International, you name it - all over here faster than transvestite prostitute can get his makeup on. You - get me some coffee," he shouted at various officers as he went.
"Lex - I can't even begin to thank you enough for all of this." Lana began.
"Hey - anything to help you guys out. Though I did go through a lot of trouble getting this mess sorted out so the least you could do is tell me what the hell is going on. Now I know Clark would never cheat on you, and I've never seen you get that angry in my life. Something's afoot and I want to know what. I'm tired of being out of the loop."
All Lana could do was stare at the light glistening off his head as she tried to come up with a response. Williams walked in and unlocked the cell as Clark followed from behind.
"Good news Ms. Lang, you can get out of here now."
"Tom?" Jen asked from the corner.
"No, not Tom. Clark. C-L-A-R-K," he said slowly.
"Tom? Would you happen to have any crack?"
*****
End Chapter.
A/N: I borrowed Dave Chappelle's crackhead character and toned it down a bit to create Jen. If you ever catch his show on Comedy Central, check it out - you'll piss your pants.