Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. Not at all.
Thanks to my reviewers. Especially Emme1 for giving me the tip about shounen ai. So, for all you reading this, I don't intend for any sex in this fic. (but, if I ever write a sequel... *evil laugh*) So, anyway, that's all I really had to say. So go and read more!
- * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *
"Brrrrrr!" Yusuke shivered in the cold wind. "Why didn't I take a jacket?"
He walked down the crowded streets, not really knowing where he was going. He ducked into a small coffee shop and let the warmth spread through his body. He inhaled the strong odor of coffee before ordering some.
Sitting at a little table, sipping his coffee, Yusuke thought, 'I was in here earlier today, too.'
+--+--+--+--+--+
"Hey!" Yusuke called a greeting to his friend as he entered the coffee shop.
"Good morning," Kurama said lightly, taking a seat across from him. "How are you?"
"Fine," Yusuke answered. "How about you?"
"I suppose I'm all right," Kurama said. He was quiet and looked nervous.
"So, what's up?" Yusuke finally asked. "Why'd you want to get together?"
The redhead was quiet for a few moments. "Can we go somewhere more... private? I have to tell you something, and I'd prefer to be alone."
Yusuke blinked a couple of times. "Oh. OK. Well, we can go to my apartment. It's not that far from here."
Kurama blushed a little, but it was hardly noticeable. "Yes, that will do, I suppose."
--+--+--+--+--+--
'And when we got there, he told me... he said...'
"Ouch! Damnit!" Yusuke said angrily after burning his tongue on hot coffee. He blushed from embarrassment when all the other costumers stared at him. "Sorry."
He sheepishly blew on his coffee to cool it down, and started to sip it again, aware that there were still eyes upon him.
'I must really be under a lot of stress,' Yusuke thought. 'I never burn my tongue anymore. I must not have been paying attention.'
He finished his coffee and left, out into the cold wind again. Shivering, he decided he should go home and get a jacket. He headed back, and snuck in the front door, hoping Atsuko wouldn't hear him. He grabbed a coat and dashed back outside.
'No need in getting her concerned about me,' Yusuke thought. 'Might think I was crazy, or something.'
He headed in the opposite direction he had gone before, and ended up walking into the park. The leaves on the trees made a rustling sound in the wind, drowning out the pestering voice in his head. His abused mind couldn't take anymore of the voice's cruel accusations. Apparently, something in his brain knew more than the rest of him did.
He sat up against a large tree, one of his favorite trees in the park. He used to come here as a child and tease Kayko. Back in the days before he had met Kurama. Back before his life had changed.
His peace state wouldn't last, however. His troubles came back to haunt him, reminding him of what he had been thinking about all day.
'He said he loved,' Yusuke sighed. "He loves me."
'And I didn't say anything. He said he had always loved me. How could I not tell? All that time he was in love with me.' He tried to remember anything that might have clued him in, but all he remembered were all the special, little things that had made Yusuke fall in love with him in the first place. 'No, I can't be in love with him. I'm not like that.'
'Still using that excuse?' the voice asked.
Yusuke sighed. "Mabe I'm wrong."
'Are you ready to admit it? To say that you do love him?'
"I don't know."
'The longer you keep up this charade, the harder it will be on you,' the voice said. 'You can't keep it up much longer, pretending like you don't care.'
"But I do care," Yusuke said quietly. "I do."
'Then why don't you tell him?'
"I can't."
'Why not?'
"Because," Yusuke bit his lip. "What if..."
'What if he left you?'
Yusuke held back a sob. He wouldn't cry about this. He couldn't.
'Tough. Deal with it. Just because your father...'
"No!" Yusuke shouted. "Don't ever mention him!"
A passing group of girls started to giggle, and then to laugh at the crazy boy who was talking to himself in the park. Yusuke blushed and shut his mouth.
'Now look what you did. They probably think I'm some nut-case who lives out here.'
Yusuke got up and walked out of the park back towards home. If nothing could clear his mind of that voice, then he might as well talk to himself in the privacy of his own home.
He went inside and found Atsuko asleep on the couch. Sighing, he got her a blanket and a pillow. He went back into his own room and lied down on the bed.
'So what is it about your dad that gets you so upset?' the voice asked him.
"None of your damned business," Yusuke grumbled.
'Of course it's my business. I'm you.'
"Then you should know that answer already," Yusuke rolled over onto his side.
'But I want you to admit it to yourself. That's the whole point.'
Yusuke sighed. There was no getting away from that voice. "I guess..." he shook his head. "I guess I'm just angry at him. For leaving us."
'For leaving you?'
"Yeah."
+--+--+--+--+--+
"Let's play again, daddy!" Yusuke said, pulling his father by the hand towards the door.
"No, kid-o, I'm too tired," his father yawned to prove his point.
"Awww," Yusuke pouted. "Mommy? Will you play with me?"
Atsuko sat at the table, going over bills. "No, I'm sorry honey, but Mommy's busy right now. Besides, I think there's a storm coming. You shouldn't go outside in the rain. And you know that it's almost bed-time."
Yusuke pouted even more and scurried into his room to play with his toy soldiers. He lined them up in rows of four. He took his favorite soldier, a well worn and dangerous looking fellow, his Yuushou , and set him up in front of the other soldiers.
"And now you die!" Yuushou (Yusuke) said. He had lost the gun that came with him a long time ago, so he had to pretend that it was still there. "Bang bang!"
Using his hand, he smashed down all the other soldiers. He giggled and pushed them all away into the closet. Yuushou was all that he needed to keep him occupied.
Atsuko opened the door and leaned in. "Yusuke, time for bed."
"OK, Mommy!" he said jumping onto his bed. A crash of thunder could be heard outside. Yusuke clutched Yuushou tightly. He was afraid of thunder. "Mommy..."
"Oh, it's just thunder," Atsuko said. "Don't be such a coward. Be strong, like Yuushou." She patted him on the head and left.
Yusuke's father poked his head in. "Don't worry, kid-o. If it gets too bad, I'll come and rescue you." He winked, turned off the light, and left.
Yusuke curled up under the covers. 'Daddy will protect me from the thunder,' he thought to himself.
Another, louder crash of thunder was heard, followed by lightening that lit up the room. Rain spattered against the window. Again, the thunder roared loudly.
'Any minute now, he'll come in and get me,' Yusuke kept repeating to himself. He could hear voices out in the front room. He quietly tip-toed his way over to the door to listen.
'They're fighting again,' Yusuke thought sadly. Another crash of thunder. 'But it'll be over soon.'
But it wasn't over soon. The voices became louder as they yelled at each other. Yusuke kept back tears as he crawled back into his bed.
The thunder cracked fiercely, but Yusuke could only hear his mother's voice. "Just get out! And don't come back this time!"
There was the slam of a door, and all became quiet. The rain lessened outside, and Yusuke desperately listened for his father's voice, but there was nothing.
He began to cry. Tears rushed down his young face, dripping down onto Yuushou's plastic face. Yusuke looked down into the painted eyes of his toy, for that was all it was. Just a toy. Angered, he threw it at the wall.
Yuushou had been an old toy, and Yusuke's father had told him that he had played with him when he was a boy. Plus, he had many small cracks running through his torso. So it wasn't too surprising when the soldier shattered against the wall, the plastic pieces scattering across the floor..
Yusuke was horrified at what he had just done. "I'm sorry Yuushou. I didn't mean it." He sobbed. "I didn't mean it!"
Atsuko rushed in, her eyes red from crying. "What happened? I heard a crash!"
"I'm sorry," Yusuke said, tears streaming down.
Atsuko rushed over to Yusuke's bed and hugged him. All he could do was cry.
"Yusuke... listen to me," she said, holding him. "It's just going to be me and you from now on, and things are going to be pretty hard for us for awhile, OK?"
Yusuke nodded. He wiped away his tears.
"You're going to have to be strong for me. But I promise, someday, we'll be ok again. I swear it. So can you do that? Can you be strong for Mommy?"
Yusuke nodded again.
"So don't cry. Please don't cry."
--+--+--+--+--+--
Yusuke shook his head. "I still don't like thunder."
'And you never saw him again?' the voice asked.
"No. And Mom didn't keep her promise about us being all right. She just started drinking."
'She always drank though, even before that happened.'
"But not as much. And not as frequently." He rolled over again. "She couldn't pay the bills."
'And that's when...'
"Don't remind me. It makes me sick to think that she would do that."
'But what about your father?'
"What about him?" Yusuke asked.
'You hated him for leaving, but you still wanted him to come back.'
"Of course I wanted him to come back!" Yusuke snapped. "He was my dad!"
'Even though he divorced your mom?'
"People get divorces. It's part of life."
'But they usually don't abandon their children.'
"Maybe he was just busy," Yusuke said weakly.
'He could have at least stopped by to check on you.'
"Maybe he didn't love me anymore. Since I stayed with Mom."
'You really think he stopped loving you?'
"I could have at least gone out and looked for him. Try to find him."
'He could have done the same, except he would have had an easier time. He already knew where you were.'
Yusuke got angry. "Hey, who's side are you on, anyway?"
'Quiet, idiot, or you'll wake your mom.'
- * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *
A/N: Yes, that was chapter 2. When I write, I really have no set idea on where it's going to go. I had no idea when I started writing this chapter that I'd go into his past with his father like that, but I like how it turned out. So, anyway, it's not over yet! (Geez, I feel so creative right now. I never write chapters this fast. Anyway, I'm not sure when the next chapter will come out, but hopefully you liked this chapter and hopefully you'll review!
Thanks to my reviewers. Especially Emme1 for giving me the tip about shounen ai. So, for all you reading this, I don't intend for any sex in this fic. (but, if I ever write a sequel... *evil laugh*) So, anyway, that's all I really had to say. So go and read more!
- * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *
"Brrrrrr!" Yusuke shivered in the cold wind. "Why didn't I take a jacket?"
He walked down the crowded streets, not really knowing where he was going. He ducked into a small coffee shop and let the warmth spread through his body. He inhaled the strong odor of coffee before ordering some.
Sitting at a little table, sipping his coffee, Yusuke thought, 'I was in here earlier today, too.'
+--+--+--+--+--+
"Hey!" Yusuke called a greeting to his friend as he entered the coffee shop.
"Good morning," Kurama said lightly, taking a seat across from him. "How are you?"
"Fine," Yusuke answered. "How about you?"
"I suppose I'm all right," Kurama said. He was quiet and looked nervous.
"So, what's up?" Yusuke finally asked. "Why'd you want to get together?"
The redhead was quiet for a few moments. "Can we go somewhere more... private? I have to tell you something, and I'd prefer to be alone."
Yusuke blinked a couple of times. "Oh. OK. Well, we can go to my apartment. It's not that far from here."
Kurama blushed a little, but it was hardly noticeable. "Yes, that will do, I suppose."
--+--+--+--+--+--
'And when we got there, he told me... he said...'
"Ouch! Damnit!" Yusuke said angrily after burning his tongue on hot coffee. He blushed from embarrassment when all the other costumers stared at him. "Sorry."
He sheepishly blew on his coffee to cool it down, and started to sip it again, aware that there were still eyes upon him.
'I must really be under a lot of stress,' Yusuke thought. 'I never burn my tongue anymore. I must not have been paying attention.'
He finished his coffee and left, out into the cold wind again. Shivering, he decided he should go home and get a jacket. He headed back, and snuck in the front door, hoping Atsuko wouldn't hear him. He grabbed a coat and dashed back outside.
'No need in getting her concerned about me,' Yusuke thought. 'Might think I was crazy, or something.'
He headed in the opposite direction he had gone before, and ended up walking into the park. The leaves on the trees made a rustling sound in the wind, drowning out the pestering voice in his head. His abused mind couldn't take anymore of the voice's cruel accusations. Apparently, something in his brain knew more than the rest of him did.
He sat up against a large tree, one of his favorite trees in the park. He used to come here as a child and tease Kayko. Back in the days before he had met Kurama. Back before his life had changed.
His peace state wouldn't last, however. His troubles came back to haunt him, reminding him of what he had been thinking about all day.
'He said he loved,' Yusuke sighed. "He loves me."
'And I didn't say anything. He said he had always loved me. How could I not tell? All that time he was in love with me.' He tried to remember anything that might have clued him in, but all he remembered were all the special, little things that had made Yusuke fall in love with him in the first place. 'No, I can't be in love with him. I'm not like that.'
'Still using that excuse?' the voice asked.
Yusuke sighed. "Mabe I'm wrong."
'Are you ready to admit it? To say that you do love him?'
"I don't know."
'The longer you keep up this charade, the harder it will be on you,' the voice said. 'You can't keep it up much longer, pretending like you don't care.'
"But I do care," Yusuke said quietly. "I do."
'Then why don't you tell him?'
"I can't."
'Why not?'
"Because," Yusuke bit his lip. "What if..."
'What if he left you?'
Yusuke held back a sob. He wouldn't cry about this. He couldn't.
'Tough. Deal with it. Just because your father...'
"No!" Yusuke shouted. "Don't ever mention him!"
A passing group of girls started to giggle, and then to laugh at the crazy boy who was talking to himself in the park. Yusuke blushed and shut his mouth.
'Now look what you did. They probably think I'm some nut-case who lives out here.'
Yusuke got up and walked out of the park back towards home. If nothing could clear his mind of that voice, then he might as well talk to himself in the privacy of his own home.
He went inside and found Atsuko asleep on the couch. Sighing, he got her a blanket and a pillow. He went back into his own room and lied down on the bed.
'So what is it about your dad that gets you so upset?' the voice asked him.
"None of your damned business," Yusuke grumbled.
'Of course it's my business. I'm you.'
"Then you should know that answer already," Yusuke rolled over onto his side.
'But I want you to admit it to yourself. That's the whole point.'
Yusuke sighed. There was no getting away from that voice. "I guess..." he shook his head. "I guess I'm just angry at him. For leaving us."
'For leaving you?'
"Yeah."
+--+--+--+--+--+
"Let's play again, daddy!" Yusuke said, pulling his father by the hand towards the door.
"No, kid-o, I'm too tired," his father yawned to prove his point.
"Awww," Yusuke pouted. "Mommy? Will you play with me?"
Atsuko sat at the table, going over bills. "No, I'm sorry honey, but Mommy's busy right now. Besides, I think there's a storm coming. You shouldn't go outside in the rain. And you know that it's almost bed-time."
Yusuke pouted even more and scurried into his room to play with his toy soldiers. He lined them up in rows of four. He took his favorite soldier, a well worn and dangerous looking fellow, his Yuushou , and set him up in front of the other soldiers.
"And now you die!" Yuushou (Yusuke) said. He had lost the gun that came with him a long time ago, so he had to pretend that it was still there. "Bang bang!"
Using his hand, he smashed down all the other soldiers. He giggled and pushed them all away into the closet. Yuushou was all that he needed to keep him occupied.
Atsuko opened the door and leaned in. "Yusuke, time for bed."
"OK, Mommy!" he said jumping onto his bed. A crash of thunder could be heard outside. Yusuke clutched Yuushou tightly. He was afraid of thunder. "Mommy..."
"Oh, it's just thunder," Atsuko said. "Don't be such a coward. Be strong, like Yuushou." She patted him on the head and left.
Yusuke's father poked his head in. "Don't worry, kid-o. If it gets too bad, I'll come and rescue you." He winked, turned off the light, and left.
Yusuke curled up under the covers. 'Daddy will protect me from the thunder,' he thought to himself.
Another, louder crash of thunder was heard, followed by lightening that lit up the room. Rain spattered against the window. Again, the thunder roared loudly.
'Any minute now, he'll come in and get me,' Yusuke kept repeating to himself. He could hear voices out in the front room. He quietly tip-toed his way over to the door to listen.
'They're fighting again,' Yusuke thought sadly. Another crash of thunder. 'But it'll be over soon.'
But it wasn't over soon. The voices became louder as they yelled at each other. Yusuke kept back tears as he crawled back into his bed.
The thunder cracked fiercely, but Yusuke could only hear his mother's voice. "Just get out! And don't come back this time!"
There was the slam of a door, and all became quiet. The rain lessened outside, and Yusuke desperately listened for his father's voice, but there was nothing.
He began to cry. Tears rushed down his young face, dripping down onto Yuushou's plastic face. Yusuke looked down into the painted eyes of his toy, for that was all it was. Just a toy. Angered, he threw it at the wall.
Yuushou had been an old toy, and Yusuke's father had told him that he had played with him when he was a boy. Plus, he had many small cracks running through his torso. So it wasn't too surprising when the soldier shattered against the wall, the plastic pieces scattering across the floor..
Yusuke was horrified at what he had just done. "I'm sorry Yuushou. I didn't mean it." He sobbed. "I didn't mean it!"
Atsuko rushed in, her eyes red from crying. "What happened? I heard a crash!"
"I'm sorry," Yusuke said, tears streaming down.
Atsuko rushed over to Yusuke's bed and hugged him. All he could do was cry.
"Yusuke... listen to me," she said, holding him. "It's just going to be me and you from now on, and things are going to be pretty hard for us for awhile, OK?"
Yusuke nodded. He wiped away his tears.
"You're going to have to be strong for me. But I promise, someday, we'll be ok again. I swear it. So can you do that? Can you be strong for Mommy?"
Yusuke nodded again.
"So don't cry. Please don't cry."
--+--+--+--+--+--
Yusuke shook his head. "I still don't like thunder."
'And you never saw him again?' the voice asked.
"No. And Mom didn't keep her promise about us being all right. She just started drinking."
'She always drank though, even before that happened.'
"But not as much. And not as frequently." He rolled over again. "She couldn't pay the bills."
'And that's when...'
"Don't remind me. It makes me sick to think that she would do that."
'But what about your father?'
"What about him?" Yusuke asked.
'You hated him for leaving, but you still wanted him to come back.'
"Of course I wanted him to come back!" Yusuke snapped. "He was my dad!"
'Even though he divorced your mom?'
"People get divorces. It's part of life."
'But they usually don't abandon their children.'
"Maybe he was just busy," Yusuke said weakly.
'He could have at least stopped by to check on you.'
"Maybe he didn't love me anymore. Since I stayed with Mom."
'You really think he stopped loving you?'
"I could have at least gone out and looked for him. Try to find him."
'He could have done the same, except he would have had an easier time. He already knew where you were.'
Yusuke got angry. "Hey, who's side are you on, anyway?"
'Quiet, idiot, or you'll wake your mom.'
- * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *
A/N: Yes, that was chapter 2. When I write, I really have no set idea on where it's going to go. I had no idea when I started writing this chapter that I'd go into his past with his father like that, but I like how it turned out. So, anyway, it's not over yet! (Geez, I feel so creative right now. I never write chapters this fast. Anyway, I'm not sure when the next chapter will come out, but hopefully you liked this chapter and hopefully you'll review!