Part Two: Lost
~~
Nine years old and already marked by the ministry as dangerous.
Already attempted to kill myself. Must be a record, huh? I guess
you need the story. I'm surprised I'm still here myself. And yes,
this does count as big in my opinion or I wouldn't be writing in here. Oh yes,
one more thing to add to the list, already had someone attempt to
kill me. Aright, so I better start at the beginning. You know that
my Da was the only one who really thought of me as normal anymore.
He got too close during a full moon. I attacked him, it was only
severe scratches, yes, and he'll be fine. But he now shares my
mums opinion. The ministry caught word of the attack, and have marked
me as dangerous. Any problems onesoever, and I'll be taken care
of by the Department for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures.
That's the first one. Anyways, I decided it was pointless to keep on
as I have, useless, not wanted. Mum stopped using the silverware, but I knew
where she had put it. I got one of the knives and managed to knick
my wrist. It hurt, a lot. Unfortunately, or as they would put it, some
other kid found me. I guess he was from out of town, as he didn't
cringe away from me, but rather tried to help. I didn't catch his name,
smart of me, but why attempt to make friends when they'll find out and
forget about me anyway? He had black hair, pretty long, at least
by Mum's standards and grey-blue eyes. He looked about as lost as me.
Maybe his parents didn't much care for him either...? Oh well. Third
ones simple. Mum was very angry about me attacking Da and attacked
me, of course, I didn't struggle as I'd attempted the same before.
She just tried to stab me with one of the bronze-ish knives, got
my shoulder, but it healed over. She was furious. That's basically all that's
happened in the last two years. Not that it matters.
Remus Lupin, December 25, 1968
~
Looking over the last entry..I can't help but wonder who that was.
Why did he waste his time helping a stranger in the woods when he
was no older than me? Well, obviously he didn't know about my
problem, or he wouldn't have so much as glanced at me. Perhaps I
regret letting him help now, because everythings worse. My da has
joined my mum in the venomous looks, and my mum has gotten worse.
Whenever I do leave the house people scatter and whisper. Really,
is this life really worth it?
Remus Lupin, January 13, 1969
~
Everything has fallen into darkness. Everyone, everything. I've
trapped myself in an abyss that I refuse to leave. Why bother with
people when I can lose myself in my mind, a world of thoughts
and emotions that no one can tease me about, taunt me about, or fear
me for. I'm not going to lose my temper anymore. I'm not going
to be hyper and happy anymore. I'm just going to be there,
alone, and never wanting to be anything more. Calm, quiet and
perfectly unnoticeable. Never will I trust anyone or let them fear
me again.
Remus Lupin, January 15, 1969
~
Moved to Britain today. Town called Hogsmeade, it's all wizards.
Oh joy. Big school right by here, really, it seems my parents
are out to torment me as much as possible. I can climb up on the roof
and see them lazing on the grounds. It's not like I'll ever be accepted
into a school of witchacraft and wizardry. I still blame
it on the wolf. Evil creature. I was perfectly fine off before it
came.
Remus Lupin, January 19, 1969
~
Life is dull. Really not seeing the point.
Remus Lupin, January 27, 1969
~
People have told me misery loves company. But wouldn't company dispell
misery? Or perhaps the company defines misery, after all, I have my
parents for company. They only make me more miserable. They're company.
But that's just getting philosophical. Might as well not bore you with my
complaints. Bah.
Remus Lupin, February 15, 1969
~
Don't get me wrong, I love the cellar. It's nice, and dark, and quiet,
and morbid. Oh yes! Don't forget the lovely spiders that inhabit the corners.
Of course, even they scurry off and hide if I go near them, so no worries there.
I still get out sometimes. Watch the school, looking at what I can never have.
Friends. Even if by some odd chance I was accepted.
Remus Lupin, February 15, 1969
~
You know, I would have made another attempt at ridding myself of this
misery, but now I feel ashamed. I mean, one person stopped to
try and help me. One person actually cared what I did.
But they didn't know who I was, or rather, what I was. We didn't
even exchange names. Lovely.
Remus Lupin, March 15, 1969
~
I fell off the roof. Yes, it was an accident. It was, in all truth.
Sprained my ankle, cried. Mum slapped me. Said I shouldn't cry.
Monsters didn't have the right to cry, and I was a monster. I
stopped crying, because that's exactly what I've told myself
all along. I'm a monster. I won't cry again. Ever.
Remus Lupin, March 29, 1969
~
One of the teachers there, I think...he's the transfiguration teacher. If that wasn't
exactly clear, I was talking about the school nearby. He caught me on the roof
and talked to me. he immediatly recognized what I was. And how do I know he's the
transfiguration teacher? He told me. He seems interested in me. Said... He said I
seemed like a very nice boy. Not something I get very often.
Remus Lupin, April 8, 1969
~
As of today, I'm literally wasting away in the cellar. Parents don't
much notice whether I leave or not, unless I leave the house, which
is always a rather difficult thing at this point. They're suspicious after I talked with
the old man. Ha. Don't eat much, don't see the point.Maybe I'll just put the diary away.
Or not. I don't know. I'll wait until I actually have something non-depressing to write
about, how about that? Works for me. Probably never, but...who knows?
Remus Lupin, April 15, 1969
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
A/N: Okay, Disclaimer...Remus isn't mine. Neither is the person mentioned in the first
entry. Aye, any guesses as to who that is? *points to the review button and cackles*
~~
Nine years old and already marked by the ministry as dangerous.
Already attempted to kill myself. Must be a record, huh? I guess
you need the story. I'm surprised I'm still here myself. And yes,
this does count as big in my opinion or I wouldn't be writing in here. Oh yes,
one more thing to add to the list, already had someone attempt to
kill me. Aright, so I better start at the beginning. You know that
my Da was the only one who really thought of me as normal anymore.
He got too close during a full moon. I attacked him, it was only
severe scratches, yes, and he'll be fine. But he now shares my
mums opinion. The ministry caught word of the attack, and have marked
me as dangerous. Any problems onesoever, and I'll be taken care
of by the Department for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures.
That's the first one. Anyways, I decided it was pointless to keep on
as I have, useless, not wanted. Mum stopped using the silverware, but I knew
where she had put it. I got one of the knives and managed to knick
my wrist. It hurt, a lot. Unfortunately, or as they would put it, some
other kid found me. I guess he was from out of town, as he didn't
cringe away from me, but rather tried to help. I didn't catch his name,
smart of me, but why attempt to make friends when they'll find out and
forget about me anyway? He had black hair, pretty long, at least
by Mum's standards and grey-blue eyes. He looked about as lost as me.
Maybe his parents didn't much care for him either...? Oh well. Third
ones simple. Mum was very angry about me attacking Da and attacked
me, of course, I didn't struggle as I'd attempted the same before.
She just tried to stab me with one of the bronze-ish knives, got
my shoulder, but it healed over. She was furious. That's basically all that's
happened in the last two years. Not that it matters.
Remus Lupin, December 25, 1968
~
Looking over the last entry..I can't help but wonder who that was.
Why did he waste his time helping a stranger in the woods when he
was no older than me? Well, obviously he didn't know about my
problem, or he wouldn't have so much as glanced at me. Perhaps I
regret letting him help now, because everythings worse. My da has
joined my mum in the venomous looks, and my mum has gotten worse.
Whenever I do leave the house people scatter and whisper. Really,
is this life really worth it?
Remus Lupin, January 13, 1969
~
Everything has fallen into darkness. Everyone, everything. I've
trapped myself in an abyss that I refuse to leave. Why bother with
people when I can lose myself in my mind, a world of thoughts
and emotions that no one can tease me about, taunt me about, or fear
me for. I'm not going to lose my temper anymore. I'm not going
to be hyper and happy anymore. I'm just going to be there,
alone, and never wanting to be anything more. Calm, quiet and
perfectly unnoticeable. Never will I trust anyone or let them fear
me again.
Remus Lupin, January 15, 1969
~
Moved to Britain today. Town called Hogsmeade, it's all wizards.
Oh joy. Big school right by here, really, it seems my parents
are out to torment me as much as possible. I can climb up on the roof
and see them lazing on the grounds. It's not like I'll ever be accepted
into a school of witchacraft and wizardry. I still blame
it on the wolf. Evil creature. I was perfectly fine off before it
came.
Remus Lupin, January 19, 1969
~
Life is dull. Really not seeing the point.
Remus Lupin, January 27, 1969
~
People have told me misery loves company. But wouldn't company dispell
misery? Or perhaps the company defines misery, after all, I have my
parents for company. They only make me more miserable. They're company.
But that's just getting philosophical. Might as well not bore you with my
complaints. Bah.
Remus Lupin, February 15, 1969
~
Don't get me wrong, I love the cellar. It's nice, and dark, and quiet,
and morbid. Oh yes! Don't forget the lovely spiders that inhabit the corners.
Of course, even they scurry off and hide if I go near them, so no worries there.
I still get out sometimes. Watch the school, looking at what I can never have.
Friends. Even if by some odd chance I was accepted.
Remus Lupin, February 15, 1969
~
You know, I would have made another attempt at ridding myself of this
misery, but now I feel ashamed. I mean, one person stopped to
try and help me. One person actually cared what I did.
But they didn't know who I was, or rather, what I was. We didn't
even exchange names. Lovely.
Remus Lupin, March 15, 1969
~
I fell off the roof. Yes, it was an accident. It was, in all truth.
Sprained my ankle, cried. Mum slapped me. Said I shouldn't cry.
Monsters didn't have the right to cry, and I was a monster. I
stopped crying, because that's exactly what I've told myself
all along. I'm a monster. I won't cry again. Ever.
Remus Lupin, March 29, 1969
~
One of the teachers there, I think...he's the transfiguration teacher. If that wasn't
exactly clear, I was talking about the school nearby. He caught me on the roof
and talked to me. he immediatly recognized what I was. And how do I know he's the
transfiguration teacher? He told me. He seems interested in me. Said... He said I
seemed like a very nice boy. Not something I get very often.
Remus Lupin, April 8, 1969
~
As of today, I'm literally wasting away in the cellar. Parents don't
much notice whether I leave or not, unless I leave the house, which
is always a rather difficult thing at this point. They're suspicious after I talked with
the old man. Ha. Don't eat much, don't see the point.Maybe I'll just put the diary away.
Or not. I don't know. I'll wait until I actually have something non-depressing to write
about, how about that? Works for me. Probably never, but...who knows?
Remus Lupin, April 15, 1969
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
A/N: Okay, Disclaimer...Remus isn't mine. Neither is the person mentioned in the first
entry. Aye, any guesses as to who that is? *points to the review button and cackles*