Disclaimer: See Part 1.
*****
INT - DUNGEON
Carrot staggers into the cell, propelled by the guard. He slams into Ridcully, nearly knocking the both of them to the floor.
RIDCULLY
What? Who's this, now?
CARROT
It's me. Carrot.
RIDCULLY
It's about bloody time. Chewie was telling me about your big plan to get us all out of here--
The cell door slams. There is a long pause.
RIDCULLY
... and right now I think we're all hosed.
LATER...
The prisoners [their hands tied with rope] and several guards [Casanunda among them] are on a hoverbarge gliding out over the lake behind Jabba's Palace. On the roof of the Palace we can see Threepio and Artoo moving about, both jockeying for vantage points so they can keep a visual sensor on Carrot.
Herrenna fairly slithers over by Carrot and looks him up and down appreciatively before moving away again.
RIDCULLY
Any idea where this thing is taking us? It smells like someone farted out here.
CARROT
Well, we're on a lake by Jabba's place, in the swamp.
RIDCULLY
Huh. I always wondered where the fat slob hung his hat.
Carrot looks over the railing, into the water. Half a dozen alligators look back at him.
RIDCULLY
I expect this was all part of your Big Plan?
CARROT
Most of it, yes.
INT - JABBA'S PALACE
Angua peers anxiously at the hoverbarge through a window, focusing mainly on the broad- shouldered figure of Carrot. Jabba is watching the lake via opera glasses, but presently he glances over at the Princess with an unpleasant smirk.
JABBA
As you can see, my beauty, I like to strike a balance with nature. For example, your friends are now going to be the main course for the alligators in the lake. [off Angua's venomous glare] Well, I have to feed them *something*, right? Hungry alligators make for bad business, and they're too useful to kill wholesale.
EXT - HOVERBARGE
The guards nudge Carrot over onto the plank above the water. The alligators have learned long ago that the hoverbarge means feeding time, so they're working themselves into a blood frenzy in anticipation.
Carrot steps to the edge of the plank and glances down. The next few seconds, he knows, can make or break this plan. He steps off...
... and catches the edge of the plank, swinging back underneath, then forward [his feet inches above the snapping alligators] and up to catch the guard under the chin with both feet. As the guard staggers back, Carrot flips onto the plank, grabs the guard's blaster, and shoves him off the plank, ignoring the man's screams as he is devoured.
Herrenna fires a crossbow at Carrot, but his Jedi senses warn him ahead of time and he catches the bolt in midair with his bound hands, then in the same second flings it into the throat of another guard who was getting ready to blast him, sending the guard toppling back over the railing.
Casanunda pulls a knife from its boot sheath and tosses it to Carrot, who uses it to cut his bonds as Casanunda starts using his own blaster to good use. Herrenna draws a javelin from a sheath on her back and tries to run the dwarf through, but he crouches, grabs her legs, and uses her own momentum to send her over the railing before he continues shooting at a guard.
CASANUNDA
Damn waste. She was pretty, too.
Artoo, seeing his cue, hops up onto the ledge [no small feat for someone without knees], aims his dome carefully, and fires Carrot's lightsaber out over the lake.
The weapon [as far as anyone on the barge is concerned] falls from the sky shortly after Carrot frees Chewie's wrists and gives him the knife to help Ridcully. The young Jedi ignites the saber and starts wreaking havoc amongst the guards.
INT - JABBA'S PALACE
Jabba is turning an interesting shade of crimson.
JABBA
No! No! This isn't supposed to happen! You're all supposed to go off the plank into the lake, NOT FIGHT BACK!
Angua has had quite enough of this; taking advantage of his distraction, she loops the chain around Jabba's flabby neck and pulls it tight under the lowermost of his chins, bracing her foot against the mighty gangster's throne. Dunwiddie is frantic, and he scuttles up to her, trying to stop her. As soon as he grabs her by the shoulders, she turns with a snarl, revealing her glowing yellow eyes and bared fangs. He staggers back, making the little whimpering noises of someone who was already mentally unstable but has just been given the fright of his life and isn't entirely sure whether to scream or piss himself. She resumes her grim task, pulling harder on the chain until several seconds after Jabba stops thrashing and slumps in his throne.
EXT - HOVERBARGE
Most of the guards on the barge are disposed of, but those on the Palace roof are now firing on the barge, so far unaware that their boss is dead. Carrot extinguishes his lightsaber and clips it to his belt.
CARROT
Casanunda! Do you know how to fly this thing?
RIDCULLY
I'm sure I can.
CARROT
But you can't see.
RIDCULLY
Chewie here'll be my eyes for me.
As the orangutan shrugs helplessly at Carrot and helps Ridcully up to the helm, Carrot mouths "brace yourself" to Casanunda, who nods. Just then, the dwarf notices someone climbing back over the railing and who is now trying to creep up behind Carrot - Herrenna.
Carrot, catching Casanunda's look, turns just in time to block the bounty hunter from stabbing him, catching the wrist of her knife hand against his forearm.
CARROT
[over his shoulder to Ridcully and Chewie] Head for the Palace!
RIDCULLY
Righto.
He guns the engine, at first sending the barge further out over the lake [where it was pointing in the first place] but then, with Chewie chattering directions at him, bringing it around in a tight arc [which nearly pitches the grappling Carrot and Herrenna over the rail] to head back towards the Palace.
INT - JABBA'S PALACE
Angua has unwrapped the chain from Jabba's corpse in order to reach the edge of the Rancor pit. It's a long shot, but she happened to overhear Carrot's conversation down there...
PRINCESS ANGUA
Detritus?
The troll groans.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Detritus, it's Princess Angua. Come on, wake up!
DETRITUS
Nrf?
PRINCESS ANGUA
Please... I can't break this chain by myself... Wake up!
RUBY
You are needing some help?
Angua looks up at the female troll speculatively, then shows her the chain. Ruby takes the chain and bites through it [diamond teeth, remember?] with hardly any effort. Angua looks at the severed ends of the chain in amazement.
RUBY
I am thinking that with Jabba dead we will not be paid?
PRINCESS ANGUA
Er, no. Look, uh, Ruby was it? I have a friend down in the pit... [suddenly inspired] He's kind of shy, but he's really sweet, and the whole reason he came here was to rescue you. His name is Detritus.
RUBY
Troll?
PRINCESS ANGUA
Of course.
RUBY
Hmm.
PRINCESS ANGUA
And he's sort of trapped down there, so if you could help him out...
Ruby ponders this for a few more moments, then bends down and rips the grating off its hinges.
Angua blinks.
PRINCESS ANGUA
That'll work.
EXT - HOVERBARGE
Carrot and Herrenna grapple on the deck of the barely-in-control barge. She appears to be in a frenzy of her own [Carrot has a few nail-gouges that he might consider kinky if he knew about that sort of stuff], trying to drive him over the railing of the barge and into the waiting jaws of the alligators.
Ridcully, meanwhile, placidly mans the controls, adjusting their course at Chewbacca's directions and apparently knowing roughly where all the controls are by feel. Currently this course is taking them directly at the Palace.
Casanunda pauses in firing to change out the cartridge in his rifle. He is clearly experienced in this [he has the spent cartridge out and the second one in his hand in a matter of seconds], but the brief lull in his return fire creates an opening, through which enemy fire is able to strike the barge. The vehicle lurches. Carrot and Herrenna, caught off-balance, go over the railing. Casanunda looks up in time to see them vanish from sight, and he hurries over to the railing.
RIDCULLY
The hell was that?! [Chewie tells him what the hell that was] Yes, I *know* it was an explosion! Apparently *some*body didn't think it was important to tell me that enemy fire was getting through!
Casanunda looks over the side of the barge, half-expecting to see two human bodies getting munched on by the gators.
Instead, he discovers Carrot, hanging, white-knuckled, from the guardrail for dear life, and Herrenna, clinging grimly to Carrot's boots. Not nearly far enough below them, the alligators see this potential meal, tantalisingly close.
CASANUNDA
Need some help down there?
Carrot looks up at him. He has not been formally introduced to the wonderful world of irony yet, and the question puzzles him. He glances down at Herrenna, and his natural altruism in the face of obviously homicidal tendencies kicks in.
CARROT
[to Herrenna] Can you climb up?
She looks at him like he just grew a third arm.
CASANUNDA
She tried to *kill* you, you bloody fool! Even *I* don't go to such lengths for a pretty face.
HERRENNA
[to Casanunda] Bugger off, shortarse.
CASANUNDA
Ooh, a spicy one! Too bad about the circumstances though. I might have enjoyed your illustrious company. It *is* true what they say about Amazons, right?
She lets go with one hand, to reach into her boot for a knife, which she throws almost straight up at Casanunda. He dodges back, pumps his blaster, and aims it at the bounty hunter.
A section of the hull explodes from within, very near Carrot and Herrenna. The blast knocks loose Herrenna [who was still holding on by one hand] and almost Carrot. The bounty hunter falls, shrieking, into the middle of the waiting aliigators. Carrot is losing his grip on the railing.
CARROT
I'm slipping!
Casanunda stows the rifle and, lying prone on the deck, grabs onto Carrot's wrists and tries to pull him up. He happens to glance at their intended destination and finds that it is getting very close indeed. They're going to crash.
CASANUNDA
[sotto] Oh hell...
Carrot looks as well, and his eyes widen in alarm.
CARROT
RIDCULLY! *UP!!!*
AT THE HELM...
Chewbacca reaches past Ridcully and pulls back on one of the controls. The hoverbarge rises, though not fast enough to quite clear the roof.
The shock of the scraping impact with the leading edge of the Palace roof knocks Carrot loose of Casanunda's grasp, and he falls awkwardly, crashing into a patio umbrella at a forty-five degree angle and toppling the associated table and wrought-iron chairs. He picks himself up, shakes off his injuries for now, and staggers over to the relative familiarity of the droids.
CARROT
[to Threepio] Angua?
PONDER THREEPIO
Inside. Er, Master Carrot--?
Carrot is already gone, looking for the Princess. Threepio glances back at the crashing barge. Casanunda has already jumped off, and Chewie is about to make sure Ridcully follows.
RIDCULLY
Wait a minute! What are you--
Chewbacca is in no mood to argue, and he pushes Ridcully off the barge before leaping off after him.
INSIDE...
Angua has wrapped a torn curtain around herself toga-style, and she, Ruby, and Detritus [who has been freed from the Rancor pit] are in the process of herding the panicking throng to safety. Music With Rocks In is, naturally, trying to stick close to Ruby. Jabba's corpse still lolls Jellolike in the background.
CARROT
Angua!
She turns at the sound of Carrot's voice.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Over here!
He hurries over to her.
CARROT
We have to get out everyone of here.
PRINCESS ANGUA
We're trying!
She indicates the entryway, which is clogged with struggling people. Carrot thinks quickly.
CARROT
Detritus. Get everyone's attention.
Detritus salutes sharply, nearly giving himself a concussion, staggers slightly, then shakes his head to clear it. His bellow cuts through the panicky shouting.
DETRITUS
EV'RYBODY SHUT UP AN' LISTEN!!!!!
[note: I know multiple explanation points are a sign of a diseased mind, but I think it applies here]
There is abrupt silence. Troll lungs are a force to be reckoned with.
CARROT
Thank you.
DETRITUS
No problem.
CARROT
[To the crowd] Okay, nobody panic. Just proceed through the exit in an orderly fashion.
[nobody moves]
Please.
Gradually, the crowd starts moving again, filtering out through the door.
CARROT
Oh, and one more thing... as soon as you get outside, run... because there's a barge on the roof that I think will explode very soon. Thank you.
The crowd filters noticeably faster. There is a minor explosion from the roof that shakes the palace. Carrot glances around for Ridcully and the others, locates them, and guides them quickly to the door, followed by Music With Rocks In and its two associated trolls [Ruby and the drummer] and one budding groupie [Detritus]. Everybody is again running now, but calmly as per Carrot's instructions.
Dunwiddie stands vapidly by the door like a flight attendant.
DUNWIDDIE
Bye now... bye now... buhbye... bye now... bye n--!
Carrot grabs him as he passes and drags him out the door.
OUTSIDE...
We see the last stragglers and rescuees hauling ass away from the Palace. The barge is now in flames and looking like it may go up any moment.
FROM A VANTAGE POINT
on a hilltop some distance from the soon-to-be ex-Palace, Cpl 'Nobby' Nobbs watches the spectacle through a set of high-tech binocs, perfectly comfortable with watching the rescue as long as anything dangerous is happening way the hell over there. Ferdy the swamp dragon sits on his haunches next to him. Presently the barge finally explodes in a baby mushroom cloud. Nobby whistles appreciatively around his dogend.
NOBBY
Cor. Looks like somebody went to action hero school over the summer, eh, Ferdy?
Ferdy chirps in agreement.
NOBBY
[into a walkie-talkie] Looks like they're ready t'be picked up, Cap'n.
CAPTAIN VIMES,
Sitting in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, thumbs the 'talk' switch on the ship's radio.
VIMES
Gotcha. What was that explosion?
NOBBY
[through radio] Oh, nothing, sir. A barge crashed into the palace and it just blew up.
VIMES
Oh. Okay. I'll be right over to pick you up.
Vimes starts powering up the Falcon and then fully realises the significance of what the Corporal just said.
EXT - MILLENNIUM FALCON
hovers low over the blast site. Where the Palace had been is still in flames, and surrounded by a chrysanthemum of wreckage. The pattern is interrupted at three points by what appear to be large boulders unearthed by the explosion - until the half-buried trolls sit up, uncovering the Rebels sheltered underneath: Carrot, Angua, and the droids were protected by Detritus, most of Music With Rocks In was protected by Ruby, and Ridcully, Chewbacca, and Casanunda were protected by the drummer. Carrot tells the trolls something which we can't hear over the Falcon's engines, and then he follows his friends up into the ship as the trolls and the band lumber away. The boarding ramp closes and the Falcon flies off.
As Our Heroes leave Genua behind, the burning wreckage of the Palace apparently ignites a subterranean pocket of methane and explodes once again, in an even larger, blue-tinged fireball.
CARROT [v.o.]
Dear Mum and Dad... Well! This has certainly been an exciting couple of months...
*****
End Part 3.
*****
INT - DUNGEON
Carrot staggers into the cell, propelled by the guard. He slams into Ridcully, nearly knocking the both of them to the floor.
RIDCULLY
What? Who's this, now?
CARROT
It's me. Carrot.
RIDCULLY
It's about bloody time. Chewie was telling me about your big plan to get us all out of here--
The cell door slams. There is a long pause.
RIDCULLY
... and right now I think we're all hosed.
LATER...
The prisoners [their hands tied with rope] and several guards [Casanunda among them] are on a hoverbarge gliding out over the lake behind Jabba's Palace. On the roof of the Palace we can see Threepio and Artoo moving about, both jockeying for vantage points so they can keep a visual sensor on Carrot.
Herrenna fairly slithers over by Carrot and looks him up and down appreciatively before moving away again.
RIDCULLY
Any idea where this thing is taking us? It smells like someone farted out here.
CARROT
Well, we're on a lake by Jabba's place, in the swamp.
RIDCULLY
Huh. I always wondered where the fat slob hung his hat.
Carrot looks over the railing, into the water. Half a dozen alligators look back at him.
RIDCULLY
I expect this was all part of your Big Plan?
CARROT
Most of it, yes.
INT - JABBA'S PALACE
Angua peers anxiously at the hoverbarge through a window, focusing mainly on the broad- shouldered figure of Carrot. Jabba is watching the lake via opera glasses, but presently he glances over at the Princess with an unpleasant smirk.
JABBA
As you can see, my beauty, I like to strike a balance with nature. For example, your friends are now going to be the main course for the alligators in the lake. [off Angua's venomous glare] Well, I have to feed them *something*, right? Hungry alligators make for bad business, and they're too useful to kill wholesale.
EXT - HOVERBARGE
The guards nudge Carrot over onto the plank above the water. The alligators have learned long ago that the hoverbarge means feeding time, so they're working themselves into a blood frenzy in anticipation.
Carrot steps to the edge of the plank and glances down. The next few seconds, he knows, can make or break this plan. He steps off...
... and catches the edge of the plank, swinging back underneath, then forward [his feet inches above the snapping alligators] and up to catch the guard under the chin with both feet. As the guard staggers back, Carrot flips onto the plank, grabs the guard's blaster, and shoves him off the plank, ignoring the man's screams as he is devoured.
Herrenna fires a crossbow at Carrot, but his Jedi senses warn him ahead of time and he catches the bolt in midair with his bound hands, then in the same second flings it into the throat of another guard who was getting ready to blast him, sending the guard toppling back over the railing.
Casanunda pulls a knife from its boot sheath and tosses it to Carrot, who uses it to cut his bonds as Casanunda starts using his own blaster to good use. Herrenna draws a javelin from a sheath on her back and tries to run the dwarf through, but he crouches, grabs her legs, and uses her own momentum to send her over the railing before he continues shooting at a guard.
CASANUNDA
Damn waste. She was pretty, too.
Artoo, seeing his cue, hops up onto the ledge [no small feat for someone without knees], aims his dome carefully, and fires Carrot's lightsaber out over the lake.
The weapon [as far as anyone on the barge is concerned] falls from the sky shortly after Carrot frees Chewie's wrists and gives him the knife to help Ridcully. The young Jedi ignites the saber and starts wreaking havoc amongst the guards.
INT - JABBA'S PALACE
Jabba is turning an interesting shade of crimson.
JABBA
No! No! This isn't supposed to happen! You're all supposed to go off the plank into the lake, NOT FIGHT BACK!
Angua has had quite enough of this; taking advantage of his distraction, she loops the chain around Jabba's flabby neck and pulls it tight under the lowermost of his chins, bracing her foot against the mighty gangster's throne. Dunwiddie is frantic, and he scuttles up to her, trying to stop her. As soon as he grabs her by the shoulders, she turns with a snarl, revealing her glowing yellow eyes and bared fangs. He staggers back, making the little whimpering noises of someone who was already mentally unstable but has just been given the fright of his life and isn't entirely sure whether to scream or piss himself. She resumes her grim task, pulling harder on the chain until several seconds after Jabba stops thrashing and slumps in his throne.
EXT - HOVERBARGE
Most of the guards on the barge are disposed of, but those on the Palace roof are now firing on the barge, so far unaware that their boss is dead. Carrot extinguishes his lightsaber and clips it to his belt.
CARROT
Casanunda! Do you know how to fly this thing?
RIDCULLY
I'm sure I can.
CARROT
But you can't see.
RIDCULLY
Chewie here'll be my eyes for me.
As the orangutan shrugs helplessly at Carrot and helps Ridcully up to the helm, Carrot mouths "brace yourself" to Casanunda, who nods. Just then, the dwarf notices someone climbing back over the railing and who is now trying to creep up behind Carrot - Herrenna.
Carrot, catching Casanunda's look, turns just in time to block the bounty hunter from stabbing him, catching the wrist of her knife hand against his forearm.
CARROT
[over his shoulder to Ridcully and Chewie] Head for the Palace!
RIDCULLY
Righto.
He guns the engine, at first sending the barge further out over the lake [where it was pointing in the first place] but then, with Chewie chattering directions at him, bringing it around in a tight arc [which nearly pitches the grappling Carrot and Herrenna over the rail] to head back towards the Palace.
INT - JABBA'S PALACE
Angua has unwrapped the chain from Jabba's corpse in order to reach the edge of the Rancor pit. It's a long shot, but she happened to overhear Carrot's conversation down there...
PRINCESS ANGUA
Detritus?
The troll groans.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Detritus, it's Princess Angua. Come on, wake up!
DETRITUS
Nrf?
PRINCESS ANGUA
Please... I can't break this chain by myself... Wake up!
RUBY
You are needing some help?
Angua looks up at the female troll speculatively, then shows her the chain. Ruby takes the chain and bites through it [diamond teeth, remember?] with hardly any effort. Angua looks at the severed ends of the chain in amazement.
RUBY
I am thinking that with Jabba dead we will not be paid?
PRINCESS ANGUA
Er, no. Look, uh, Ruby was it? I have a friend down in the pit... [suddenly inspired] He's kind of shy, but he's really sweet, and the whole reason he came here was to rescue you. His name is Detritus.
RUBY
Troll?
PRINCESS ANGUA
Of course.
RUBY
Hmm.
PRINCESS ANGUA
And he's sort of trapped down there, so if you could help him out...
Ruby ponders this for a few more moments, then bends down and rips the grating off its hinges.
Angua blinks.
PRINCESS ANGUA
That'll work.
EXT - HOVERBARGE
Carrot and Herrenna grapple on the deck of the barely-in-control barge. She appears to be in a frenzy of her own [Carrot has a few nail-gouges that he might consider kinky if he knew about that sort of stuff], trying to drive him over the railing of the barge and into the waiting jaws of the alligators.
Ridcully, meanwhile, placidly mans the controls, adjusting their course at Chewbacca's directions and apparently knowing roughly where all the controls are by feel. Currently this course is taking them directly at the Palace.
Casanunda pauses in firing to change out the cartridge in his rifle. He is clearly experienced in this [he has the spent cartridge out and the second one in his hand in a matter of seconds], but the brief lull in his return fire creates an opening, through which enemy fire is able to strike the barge. The vehicle lurches. Carrot and Herrenna, caught off-balance, go over the railing. Casanunda looks up in time to see them vanish from sight, and he hurries over to the railing.
RIDCULLY
The hell was that?! [Chewie tells him what the hell that was] Yes, I *know* it was an explosion! Apparently *some*body didn't think it was important to tell me that enemy fire was getting through!
Casanunda looks over the side of the barge, half-expecting to see two human bodies getting munched on by the gators.
Instead, he discovers Carrot, hanging, white-knuckled, from the guardrail for dear life, and Herrenna, clinging grimly to Carrot's boots. Not nearly far enough below them, the alligators see this potential meal, tantalisingly close.
CASANUNDA
Need some help down there?
Carrot looks up at him. He has not been formally introduced to the wonderful world of irony yet, and the question puzzles him. He glances down at Herrenna, and his natural altruism in the face of obviously homicidal tendencies kicks in.
CARROT
[to Herrenna] Can you climb up?
She looks at him like he just grew a third arm.
CASANUNDA
She tried to *kill* you, you bloody fool! Even *I* don't go to such lengths for a pretty face.
HERRENNA
[to Casanunda] Bugger off, shortarse.
CASANUNDA
Ooh, a spicy one! Too bad about the circumstances though. I might have enjoyed your illustrious company. It *is* true what they say about Amazons, right?
She lets go with one hand, to reach into her boot for a knife, which she throws almost straight up at Casanunda. He dodges back, pumps his blaster, and aims it at the bounty hunter.
A section of the hull explodes from within, very near Carrot and Herrenna. The blast knocks loose Herrenna [who was still holding on by one hand] and almost Carrot. The bounty hunter falls, shrieking, into the middle of the waiting aliigators. Carrot is losing his grip on the railing.
CARROT
I'm slipping!
Casanunda stows the rifle and, lying prone on the deck, grabs onto Carrot's wrists and tries to pull him up. He happens to glance at their intended destination and finds that it is getting very close indeed. They're going to crash.
CASANUNDA
[sotto] Oh hell...
Carrot looks as well, and his eyes widen in alarm.
CARROT
RIDCULLY! *UP!!!*
AT THE HELM...
Chewbacca reaches past Ridcully and pulls back on one of the controls. The hoverbarge rises, though not fast enough to quite clear the roof.
The shock of the scraping impact with the leading edge of the Palace roof knocks Carrot loose of Casanunda's grasp, and he falls awkwardly, crashing into a patio umbrella at a forty-five degree angle and toppling the associated table and wrought-iron chairs. He picks himself up, shakes off his injuries for now, and staggers over to the relative familiarity of the droids.
CARROT
[to Threepio] Angua?
PONDER THREEPIO
Inside. Er, Master Carrot--?
Carrot is already gone, looking for the Princess. Threepio glances back at the crashing barge. Casanunda has already jumped off, and Chewie is about to make sure Ridcully follows.
RIDCULLY
Wait a minute! What are you--
Chewbacca is in no mood to argue, and he pushes Ridcully off the barge before leaping off after him.
INSIDE...
Angua has wrapped a torn curtain around herself toga-style, and she, Ruby, and Detritus [who has been freed from the Rancor pit] are in the process of herding the panicking throng to safety. Music With Rocks In is, naturally, trying to stick close to Ruby. Jabba's corpse still lolls Jellolike in the background.
CARROT
Angua!
She turns at the sound of Carrot's voice.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Over here!
He hurries over to her.
CARROT
We have to get out everyone of here.
PRINCESS ANGUA
We're trying!
She indicates the entryway, which is clogged with struggling people. Carrot thinks quickly.
CARROT
Detritus. Get everyone's attention.
Detritus salutes sharply, nearly giving himself a concussion, staggers slightly, then shakes his head to clear it. His bellow cuts through the panicky shouting.
DETRITUS
EV'RYBODY SHUT UP AN' LISTEN!!!!!
[note: I know multiple explanation points are a sign of a diseased mind, but I think it applies here]
There is abrupt silence. Troll lungs are a force to be reckoned with.
CARROT
Thank you.
DETRITUS
No problem.
CARROT
[To the crowd] Okay, nobody panic. Just proceed through the exit in an orderly fashion.
[nobody moves]
Please.
Gradually, the crowd starts moving again, filtering out through the door.
CARROT
Oh, and one more thing... as soon as you get outside, run... because there's a barge on the roof that I think will explode very soon. Thank you.
The crowd filters noticeably faster. There is a minor explosion from the roof that shakes the palace. Carrot glances around for Ridcully and the others, locates them, and guides them quickly to the door, followed by Music With Rocks In and its two associated trolls [Ruby and the drummer] and one budding groupie [Detritus]. Everybody is again running now, but calmly as per Carrot's instructions.
Dunwiddie stands vapidly by the door like a flight attendant.
DUNWIDDIE
Bye now... bye now... buhbye... bye now... bye n--!
Carrot grabs him as he passes and drags him out the door.
OUTSIDE...
We see the last stragglers and rescuees hauling ass away from the Palace. The barge is now in flames and looking like it may go up any moment.
FROM A VANTAGE POINT
on a hilltop some distance from the soon-to-be ex-Palace, Cpl 'Nobby' Nobbs watches the spectacle through a set of high-tech binocs, perfectly comfortable with watching the rescue as long as anything dangerous is happening way the hell over there. Ferdy the swamp dragon sits on his haunches next to him. Presently the barge finally explodes in a baby mushroom cloud. Nobby whistles appreciatively around his dogend.
NOBBY
Cor. Looks like somebody went to action hero school over the summer, eh, Ferdy?
Ferdy chirps in agreement.
NOBBY
[into a walkie-talkie] Looks like they're ready t'be picked up, Cap'n.
CAPTAIN VIMES,
Sitting in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, thumbs the 'talk' switch on the ship's radio.
VIMES
Gotcha. What was that explosion?
NOBBY
[through radio] Oh, nothing, sir. A barge crashed into the palace and it just blew up.
VIMES
Oh. Okay. I'll be right over to pick you up.
Vimes starts powering up the Falcon and then fully realises the significance of what the Corporal just said.
EXT - MILLENNIUM FALCON
hovers low over the blast site. Where the Palace had been is still in flames, and surrounded by a chrysanthemum of wreckage. The pattern is interrupted at three points by what appear to be large boulders unearthed by the explosion - until the half-buried trolls sit up, uncovering the Rebels sheltered underneath: Carrot, Angua, and the droids were protected by Detritus, most of Music With Rocks In was protected by Ruby, and Ridcully, Chewbacca, and Casanunda were protected by the drummer. Carrot tells the trolls something which we can't hear over the Falcon's engines, and then he follows his friends up into the ship as the trolls and the band lumber away. The boarding ramp closes and the Falcon flies off.
As Our Heroes leave Genua behind, the burning wreckage of the Palace apparently ignites a subterranean pocket of methane and explodes once again, in an even larger, blue-tinged fireball.
CARROT [v.o.]
Dear Mum and Dad... Well! This has certainly been an exciting couple of months...
*****
End Part 3.