Disclaimer: See Part 1.
*****
INT - IVORY TOWER
Ponder is working on something silvery, just visible at the extreme right of the frame. Another of the Ivory Tower residents, a young man who looks more like a surfer than a scholar with his blond ponytail and his goatee, enters the room with some news. This is ADRIAN.
ADRIAN
Hey Ponder, I just received... [registers Ponder's project and finds it, er, aesthetically pleasing] Yowza.
Ponder sighs.
PONDER STIBBONS
You just received what, Adrian?
ADRIAN
Er? Oh yeah... It's just reached Psephopolis.
PONDER STIBBONS
That's not far from here. Any word from Skazz and Tezz?
ADRIAN
They're on their way with the Rebel leaders. Listen, about that droid--
PONDER STIBBONS
It's for Persephone. In case we have to abandon the tower, a droid will be easier to transport than a supercomputer.
PERSEPHONE [voice]
I appreciate the favour, Ponderkins.
PONDER STIBBONS
[through forced smile] Not... in front... of the others... Persephone.
Too late.
ADRIAN
[sniggers] Ponderkins?!
Ponder turns to face Adrian.
PONDER STIBBONS
[pointedly] Is there anything else?
ADRIAN
[getting the hint] No... nothing else... except... Did you borrow my copy of Nymphs and Satyrs At Play for that?
PONDER STIBBONS
[offended by the very idea] No! Of course not! Don't be disgusting!
ADRIAN
[awkward] Oh. Right. Okay. I'll just, um, keep an ear out for anything else.
He shuffles out and closes the door.
PONDER STIBBONS
[sotto voce] I have my own copy, thank you very much.
PERSEPHONE [voice]
Adrian neglected to mention one thing.
PONDER STIBBONS
He was probably a bit distracted by the stress of everything lately. What have you picked up?
PERSEPHONE [voice]
Someone's chasing the dragon.
This gets Ponder's full attention.
PONDER STIBBONS
CHASING it?! Who'd be crazy enough to chase a dragon?
EXT - PSEPHOPOLIS
We are looking out over the quaint little town of Psephopolis, which by this point in the story looks extremely flammable. The Dragon presently proves this theory as it flies into the frame and bathes the town with its fiery breath, herding the townsfolk ahead of it like extras in the movie "Independence Day". It hands on a rooftop and starts to make a very curious noise as it looks around... it is not so much a roar as a howl, possibly even a basso profundo wailing.
INT - CARROT'S X-WING
The vessel is maybe half a mile from Psephopolis, but the fire is visible from here. Carrot sees what's happening, and he's determined to put a stop to it.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Dude, are you crazy?]
CARROT
No, I'm not crazy.
ARTOO
[subtitle: You DO see what's up ahead, don't you?]
CARROT
I see it. Psephopolis is under attack.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Couldn't we just go AROUND it to get to Quirm? I'm not feeling especially flame-retardant right now...]
The droid whistles mournfully.
CARROT
We're not going around it. Granny said I have to handle the dragon, and I intend to handle the dragon.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Couldn't you just handle the dragon with a nice game of checkers or something?]
Carrot is too busy setting his weapons to reply.
EXT - PSEPHOPOLIS
The X-wing gets into battle mode as it roars past the dragon. The dragon wails again and takes to the air as Carrot executes a midair spin-out, something that he must have learned from Ridcully. Dragon and ship hover opposite each other, and we can hear the ship's engines revving in anticipation of a game of chicken.
Artoo squeaks in dread.
ARTOO
[subtitle, in small type: Carrot...?]
Carrot peels out, heading for the Dragon.
A moment later, the dragon roars and flaps its wings, heading for Carrot.
INT - STAR DESTROYER
Darth Vetinari looks quite a bit better now [probably thanks to the makeup crew] as he approaches a door marked "No Unauthorised Access. This Means You. I Mean It". He pauses by the door as one of his Officers approaches [not the same one that enquired about the outcome of the duel]. The Officer salutes at him.
OFFICER #2
Sir?
DARTH VETINARI
Yes, what is it?
OFFICER #2
Our scouts have sighted You Know Who in Psephopolis. Along with an unknown fighter pilot.
DARTH VETINARI
Well. You know as well as I do that no ship, let alone a fighter vessel, can hope to defeat You Know Who in combat.
OFFICER #2
Of course not, sir.
DARTH VETINARI
She's a perfect weapon.
OFFICER #2
Yessir. And, sir?
DARTH VETINARI
What is it now?
OFFICER #2
Our Quirmish scouts have detected unknowns traveling Hubward through the local forest. Just thought you should know.
DARTH VETINARI
Have the unknowns... dealt with. The scouts can use those marvelous machines I allotted for them.
The Officer salutes and hurries away. Once he is gone, Vetinari slides a keycard through the electronic lock in the heavily labelled door and opens it to reveal the cushioned bed on which the Death Egg is nestled, under the watchful care of the two Agatean women. Nearby are a few gilt bowls of untouched food, and one of the women looks up at Vetinari with undisguised loathing. In the corner of the same room is another confiscated wonder: a blue phone booth - more specifically, it appears to be a British public police call box, but one can never tell. He looks over his treasures with the satisfied air of a dragon confirming that its hoard is still all there, then leaves, locking the door behind him.
EXT - QUIRMISH FOREST
We see a small pack of Puzuma bikes winding through the dense forest at alarming speeds, their engines screaming thinly. As we look closer, we see the two of the bikes carry double burdens: one carries both Skazz and Tezz [Skazz driving] and the other bears Vimes and Sybil [Vimes driving]. Behind them are the rest of the Rebel leaders, including Rincewind at the rear with little Ferdy clinging to the front of his robes like a baby sloth. The Jedi's hat has, miraculously, not blown off; maybe he's using the Force to keep it on. That or about a thousand hatpins. Either way, he appears to be making a concerted effort not to fall off.
Just like in most role-playing games, the guy bringing up the rear in an action movie tends to be the first to know of an impending attack. In this case, Rincewind's Jedi senses start tingling shortly [which would translate roughly into the hair standing up on the back of his neck] before the two-legged Imperial Walker lopes into view like a mechanical Tyrannosaurus rex. Against his better judgement, Rincewind slowly glances back over his shoulder, sees the Walker, and slowly turns back. After a few moments of ashen, contemplative panic:
RINCEWIND
[at top of lungs] SHIIIIIIIIT!!!
He guns his bike forward a heartbeat before the Walker shoots at the spot where he would have been had he maintained his speed. The laser blast tears into a tree instead. The Walker is joined by two of its Imperial brethren, who join the chase.
Nobby and Colon watch as Rincewind passes them in a red and silver blur. They exchange a glance, then decide he's the best barometer for anything scary back where he just was, and look to see what that happens to be in this case.
Those leading the pack hear the commotion behind and turn to look just as Rincewind sears past at a speed not recommended for the continued health of his bike.
SKAZZ
Wow. I wonder how he got that speed out of it.
TEZZ
I wonder how he's keeping the engine from exploding.
VIMES
We got company!
He brakes, pulling his bike around 180 degrees.
VIMES
Dear, you might want to get off. This might get a little hairy.
In response, Sybill grabs Vimes' blaster rifle out of the bike holster and pumps it.
LADY SYBILL
Well, I for one am sick and tired of running from every little thing the Empire throws at us.
VIMES
These aren't *little* things!
LADY SYBILL
[resolved] If they want us, they can damn well come and claim us!
Vimes sighs, shaking his head.
VIMES
[sotto] I married a Viking...
LADY SYBILL
And you know you wouldn't have it any other way.
VIMES
That's not the point.
He guns the engine and the bike screams back towards the Walkers.
Meanwhile, Angua leans over the throttles of her bike, a Walker hot on her tail. She weaves around trees and under fallen logs in a treacherous trajectory as the Walker crashes through those same obstacles, trying to get a clear shot.
Rincewind, far ahead of the rest, and who would have the best chance of escaping, suddenly brakes so hard he nearly throws Ferdy off. The little dragon yaps indignantly at him, but Rincewind isn't listening. He has one hand over his eyes, and he's breathing hard; he's receiving one hell of an e-mail from the Force.
RINCEWIND
[sotto]No no no please not now I don't need this right now I just want to-- [echo]TREE! [/echo]
He whips his hand off his eyes, still a bit off-balance by his vision, of which we caught only a few glimpses, involving a tree felled by a Walker's blaster, and Angua in danger. He looks like he has a headache as he oscillates between his two options. Finally he reaches a decision:
RINCEWIND
[weary acceptance] You know, Ferdy... sometimes I really hate being a Jedi.
He pulls his bike around and heads back towards the impending melee.
*****
End Part 11.
*****
INT - IVORY TOWER
Ponder is working on something silvery, just visible at the extreme right of the frame. Another of the Ivory Tower residents, a young man who looks more like a surfer than a scholar with his blond ponytail and his goatee, enters the room with some news. This is ADRIAN.
ADRIAN
Hey Ponder, I just received... [registers Ponder's project and finds it, er, aesthetically pleasing] Yowza.
Ponder sighs.
PONDER STIBBONS
You just received what, Adrian?
ADRIAN
Er? Oh yeah... It's just reached Psephopolis.
PONDER STIBBONS
That's not far from here. Any word from Skazz and Tezz?
ADRIAN
They're on their way with the Rebel leaders. Listen, about that droid--
PONDER STIBBONS
It's for Persephone. In case we have to abandon the tower, a droid will be easier to transport than a supercomputer.
PERSEPHONE [voice]
I appreciate the favour, Ponderkins.
PONDER STIBBONS
[through forced smile] Not... in front... of the others... Persephone.
Too late.
ADRIAN
[sniggers] Ponderkins?!
Ponder turns to face Adrian.
PONDER STIBBONS
[pointedly] Is there anything else?
ADRIAN
[getting the hint] No... nothing else... except... Did you borrow my copy of Nymphs and Satyrs At Play for that?
PONDER STIBBONS
[offended by the very idea] No! Of course not! Don't be disgusting!
ADRIAN
[awkward] Oh. Right. Okay. I'll just, um, keep an ear out for anything else.
He shuffles out and closes the door.
PONDER STIBBONS
[sotto voce] I have my own copy, thank you very much.
PERSEPHONE [voice]
Adrian neglected to mention one thing.
PONDER STIBBONS
He was probably a bit distracted by the stress of everything lately. What have you picked up?
PERSEPHONE [voice]
Someone's chasing the dragon.
This gets Ponder's full attention.
PONDER STIBBONS
CHASING it?! Who'd be crazy enough to chase a dragon?
EXT - PSEPHOPOLIS
We are looking out over the quaint little town of Psephopolis, which by this point in the story looks extremely flammable. The Dragon presently proves this theory as it flies into the frame and bathes the town with its fiery breath, herding the townsfolk ahead of it like extras in the movie "Independence Day". It hands on a rooftop and starts to make a very curious noise as it looks around... it is not so much a roar as a howl, possibly even a basso profundo wailing.
INT - CARROT'S X-WING
The vessel is maybe half a mile from Psephopolis, but the fire is visible from here. Carrot sees what's happening, and he's determined to put a stop to it.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Dude, are you crazy?]
CARROT
No, I'm not crazy.
ARTOO
[subtitle: You DO see what's up ahead, don't you?]
CARROT
I see it. Psephopolis is under attack.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Couldn't we just go AROUND it to get to Quirm? I'm not feeling especially flame-retardant right now...]
The droid whistles mournfully.
CARROT
We're not going around it. Granny said I have to handle the dragon, and I intend to handle the dragon.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Couldn't you just handle the dragon with a nice game of checkers or something?]
Carrot is too busy setting his weapons to reply.
EXT - PSEPHOPOLIS
The X-wing gets into battle mode as it roars past the dragon. The dragon wails again and takes to the air as Carrot executes a midair spin-out, something that he must have learned from Ridcully. Dragon and ship hover opposite each other, and we can hear the ship's engines revving in anticipation of a game of chicken.
Artoo squeaks in dread.
ARTOO
[subtitle, in small type: Carrot...?]
Carrot peels out, heading for the Dragon.
A moment later, the dragon roars and flaps its wings, heading for Carrot.
INT - STAR DESTROYER
Darth Vetinari looks quite a bit better now [probably thanks to the makeup crew] as he approaches a door marked "No Unauthorised Access. This Means You. I Mean It". He pauses by the door as one of his Officers approaches [not the same one that enquired about the outcome of the duel]. The Officer salutes at him.
OFFICER #2
Sir?
DARTH VETINARI
Yes, what is it?
OFFICER #2
Our scouts have sighted You Know Who in Psephopolis. Along with an unknown fighter pilot.
DARTH VETINARI
Well. You know as well as I do that no ship, let alone a fighter vessel, can hope to defeat You Know Who in combat.
OFFICER #2
Of course not, sir.
DARTH VETINARI
She's a perfect weapon.
OFFICER #2
Yessir. And, sir?
DARTH VETINARI
What is it now?
OFFICER #2
Our Quirmish scouts have detected unknowns traveling Hubward through the local forest. Just thought you should know.
DARTH VETINARI
Have the unknowns... dealt with. The scouts can use those marvelous machines I allotted for them.
The Officer salutes and hurries away. Once he is gone, Vetinari slides a keycard through the electronic lock in the heavily labelled door and opens it to reveal the cushioned bed on which the Death Egg is nestled, under the watchful care of the two Agatean women. Nearby are a few gilt bowls of untouched food, and one of the women looks up at Vetinari with undisguised loathing. In the corner of the same room is another confiscated wonder: a blue phone booth - more specifically, it appears to be a British public police call box, but one can never tell. He looks over his treasures with the satisfied air of a dragon confirming that its hoard is still all there, then leaves, locking the door behind him.
EXT - QUIRMISH FOREST
We see a small pack of Puzuma bikes winding through the dense forest at alarming speeds, their engines screaming thinly. As we look closer, we see the two of the bikes carry double burdens: one carries both Skazz and Tezz [Skazz driving] and the other bears Vimes and Sybil [Vimes driving]. Behind them are the rest of the Rebel leaders, including Rincewind at the rear with little Ferdy clinging to the front of his robes like a baby sloth. The Jedi's hat has, miraculously, not blown off; maybe he's using the Force to keep it on. That or about a thousand hatpins. Either way, he appears to be making a concerted effort not to fall off.
Just like in most role-playing games, the guy bringing up the rear in an action movie tends to be the first to know of an impending attack. In this case, Rincewind's Jedi senses start tingling shortly [which would translate roughly into the hair standing up on the back of his neck] before the two-legged Imperial Walker lopes into view like a mechanical Tyrannosaurus rex. Against his better judgement, Rincewind slowly glances back over his shoulder, sees the Walker, and slowly turns back. After a few moments of ashen, contemplative panic:
RINCEWIND
[at top of lungs] SHIIIIIIIIT!!!
He guns his bike forward a heartbeat before the Walker shoots at the spot where he would have been had he maintained his speed. The laser blast tears into a tree instead. The Walker is joined by two of its Imperial brethren, who join the chase.
Nobby and Colon watch as Rincewind passes them in a red and silver blur. They exchange a glance, then decide he's the best barometer for anything scary back where he just was, and look to see what that happens to be in this case.
Those leading the pack hear the commotion behind and turn to look just as Rincewind sears past at a speed not recommended for the continued health of his bike.
SKAZZ
Wow. I wonder how he got that speed out of it.
TEZZ
I wonder how he's keeping the engine from exploding.
VIMES
We got company!
He brakes, pulling his bike around 180 degrees.
VIMES
Dear, you might want to get off. This might get a little hairy.
In response, Sybill grabs Vimes' blaster rifle out of the bike holster and pumps it.
LADY SYBILL
Well, I for one am sick and tired of running from every little thing the Empire throws at us.
VIMES
These aren't *little* things!
LADY SYBILL
[resolved] If they want us, they can damn well come and claim us!
Vimes sighs, shaking his head.
VIMES
[sotto] I married a Viking...
LADY SYBILL
And you know you wouldn't have it any other way.
VIMES
That's not the point.
He guns the engine and the bike screams back towards the Walkers.
Meanwhile, Angua leans over the throttles of her bike, a Walker hot on her tail. She weaves around trees and under fallen logs in a treacherous trajectory as the Walker crashes through those same obstacles, trying to get a clear shot.
Rincewind, far ahead of the rest, and who would have the best chance of escaping, suddenly brakes so hard he nearly throws Ferdy off. The little dragon yaps indignantly at him, but Rincewind isn't listening. He has one hand over his eyes, and he's breathing hard; he's receiving one hell of an e-mail from the Force.
RINCEWIND
[sotto]No no no please not now I don't need this right now I just want to-- [echo]TREE! [/echo]
He whips his hand off his eyes, still a bit off-balance by his vision, of which we caught only a few glimpses, involving a tree felled by a Walker's blaster, and Angua in danger. He looks like he has a headache as he oscillates between his two options. Finally he reaches a decision:
RINCEWIND
[weary acceptance] You know, Ferdy... sometimes I really hate being a Jedi.
He pulls his bike around and heads back towards the impending melee.
*****
End Part 11.