Disclaimer: See Part 1
Author's note: Okay, is everyone still mad at me for the four-month writer's block, and that's why I'm hardly getting any reviews? Hopefully this Chapter will win everybody back :-)
*****
EXT - PSEPHOPOLIS
Carrot is currently locked in a dogfight with the dragon, the two of them exchanging fire and blasters with no one obviously winning yet. Suddenly--
GRANNY WEATHERWAX [voice]
[echo] YOU DAMNED FOOL! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! [/echo]
Carrot shouts in surprise and veers off from his latest attack run, narrowly missing several buildings and getting forced into a barrel roll as he actually careens off the side of one of them. Artoo beeps in alarm.
ARTOO
[subtitle: If I ate cookies I'd be tossing them right now! Aaaaaargh!]
After a few heartpounding moments Carrot manages to regain control of the X-wing and lands semigracefully on a rooftop, rubbing his forehead from the psychic admonition..
CARROT
[sotto] You said to kick arse, Granny... You said I had to handle the dragon... What am I doing wrong?
GRANNY WEATHERWAX [voice]
I didn't mean do both at the same time! Remember the rest of what I said about kicking arse.
CARROT
You said, 'Kick arse... but make sure--'
[moment of epiphany]
'Make sure the arse you kick is that of an enemy!'
GRANNY WEATHERWAX [voice]
Very good. You might follow in your father's footsteps yet.
Carrot is understandably confused by this last remark.
CARROT
But I'm already a Jedi, aren't I? Is there more I don't know? Granny?
ARTOO
[subtitle: Who you talking to?]
CARROT
[disoriented] Uh... nobody. I don't know.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Well, since you seem to be having a psychotic episode, is it okay if I drive from now on?]
CARROT
I'll be fine, Artoo. Did you see where the dragon went?
ARTOO
[subtitle: I think Elvis has left the building.]
CARROT
It's left the city? Headed for Quirm?
ARTOO
[subtitle: Well, duh.]
CARROT
I only hope I'm not too late.
He powers up the X-wing again.
ARTOO
[subtitle: No fancy stuff this time, okay? My fuel cells aren't settled yet.]
They take off, headed for Quirm.
EXT - QUIRMISH FOREST
The Puzuma bikes zip between the legs of the Walkers, trying to avoid the blasters and the big stompy feet at the same time. The Walkers, meanwhile, are apparently trying to keep track of the Rebels, scuffing at the underbrush with their feet whenever a bike crosses near the appropriate airspace.
On the bike bearing the two Quirmish wizards, Tezz has stood up on the bike behind Skazz, holding onto Skazz with one hand for balance while trying to point his other hand, curled into the classic "hand gun" shape.
VIMES
The hell does he think he's doing?
A ball of white energy erupts from Tezz's pointing fingers [complete with gunlike recoil] and splatters on the cab of one of the Walkers.
LADY SYBIL
Shooting back, looks like.
She fires at Tezz's now-disoriented target, and it turns, takes two frantic steps, and trips over a fallen log.
As it falls, Angua, still trying to shake off her pursuer, barrels under Walker #1 moments before it crashes facefirst onto the forest floor. On impact, the hatch pops open, and a large purple rabbit in an Storm Trooper hops out helmet, tries to get its bearings, and skedaddles as Walker #2 stomps on and over Walker #1's metal carcass.
Walker #2 lands, looks around, and re-locates Angua. It fires at her--
--exploding the ground immediately under the tail of her bike, pinwheeling the bike into a tree and throwing her off--
--Just as Rincewind returns within view of the impending disaster. He looks around briefly, sees he is closest. He'd been hoping this wouldn't be the case.
RINCEWIND
Oh hell... You might wanna hang on, Ferdy. I've never done this before, and I can't guarantee anything.
Ferdy, curled in Rincewind's lap, whimpers, indicating his level of confidence in Rincewind's plan [abysmal] and hides his head in the front of the Jedi's robe. Rincewind mouths a small prayer to whomever still cared, and guns the bike forward.
[a.n.: This may get a bit complex, but please bear with me]
Angua regains her feet and begins running full-tilt away from the Walker, hoping to lose it--
--as the Walker takes aim at a tree ahead and to one side of her current trajectory and fires at the base--
--exploding the roots supporting one side of the huge plant, which starts to fall. Angua does not see the danger, even when--
RINCEWIND
[desperately screaming][echo] JUMP NOW, YOUR HIGHNESS! [/echo]
--advice which would seem absurd on its face, but she launches herself forward, apparently right into the path of the falling tree with hardly any room to spare--
--but a howling blur [acoustically, equal parts bike and Rincewind] scythes through the gap, taking Angua with it, leaving the Walker looking rather bewildered for an Imperial vehicle as the tree finishes crashing harmlessly to the ground. At the instant of the pickup, Rincewind lets out a bloodcurdling scream.
We do not immediately see the reason for the scream as the Jedi swings the bike around to a halt. What we do see is that Angua had wound up sitting on Rincewind's lap facing him, her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. This would probably seem more immediately beneficial to him were it not also clear that he is now obviously in considerable pain and has stuffed his knuckles into his mouth to keep from making any further sounds. The only clue to its cause is the fact that Ferdy is not readily visible.
RINCEWIND
[very strained] I knew this was a bad idea... I knew it...
Angua loosens her grip and looks at him with some concern. His eyes are watering now.
PRINCESS ANGUA
What is it? What's wrong?
RINCEWIND
[unthinking] You've landed *right* on my dragon.
Angua looks briefly shocked at the apparent euphemism.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Oh... I'm...
She scoots away from him to reveal that Ferdy had gotten trapped between them on impact and is now digging his claws into the Jedi's legs, dangerously close to the region she originally thought he was talking about in the first place. The little dragon hisses at her.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Oh! You meant Ferdy. I thought...
Ferdy blows a raspberry at Angua.
RINCEWIND
Of course I meant Ferdy - what did you think I meant?
There is an awkward pause. Angua is trying hard to keep a straight face. Then Rincewind gets it:
RINCEWIND
[reddening] Oh gods... you thought I meant...
They both start laughing, despite everything. Angua dismounts from her current position on the bike and remounts behind Rincewind. She pats him reassuringly on the shoulder.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Forget about it. Besides, the crew thought your rescue was cool, [to production crew] right lads?
There is a cheer from off-camera. Rincewind grins sheepishly.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Now come on - there's still two more of those things and our friends out there.
RINCEWIND
Um... right.
He revs the Puzuma bike as Angua puts her arms around his waist. They speed away in a shower of underbrush, and zip between the feet of the Walker who had been pursuing Angua. The Walker bends forward as they do so, peering between its feet and trying to track them, only to catch a rifle blast from Lady Sybil right in the tailpipe and overbalance. CRASH. Two down, one to go.
*****
End of Part 12.
Author's note: Okay, is everyone still mad at me for the four-month writer's block, and that's why I'm hardly getting any reviews? Hopefully this Chapter will win everybody back :-)
*****
EXT - PSEPHOPOLIS
Carrot is currently locked in a dogfight with the dragon, the two of them exchanging fire and blasters with no one obviously winning yet. Suddenly--
GRANNY WEATHERWAX [voice]
[echo] YOU DAMNED FOOL! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! [/echo]
Carrot shouts in surprise and veers off from his latest attack run, narrowly missing several buildings and getting forced into a barrel roll as he actually careens off the side of one of them. Artoo beeps in alarm.
ARTOO
[subtitle: If I ate cookies I'd be tossing them right now! Aaaaaargh!]
After a few heartpounding moments Carrot manages to regain control of the X-wing and lands semigracefully on a rooftop, rubbing his forehead from the psychic admonition..
CARROT
[sotto] You said to kick arse, Granny... You said I had to handle the dragon... What am I doing wrong?
GRANNY WEATHERWAX [voice]
I didn't mean do both at the same time! Remember the rest of what I said about kicking arse.
CARROT
You said, 'Kick arse... but make sure--'
[moment of epiphany]
'Make sure the arse you kick is that of an enemy!'
GRANNY WEATHERWAX [voice]
Very good. You might follow in your father's footsteps yet.
Carrot is understandably confused by this last remark.
CARROT
But I'm already a Jedi, aren't I? Is there more I don't know? Granny?
ARTOO
[subtitle: Who you talking to?]
CARROT
[disoriented] Uh... nobody. I don't know.
ARTOO
[subtitle: Well, since you seem to be having a psychotic episode, is it okay if I drive from now on?]
CARROT
I'll be fine, Artoo. Did you see where the dragon went?
ARTOO
[subtitle: I think Elvis has left the building.]
CARROT
It's left the city? Headed for Quirm?
ARTOO
[subtitle: Well, duh.]
CARROT
I only hope I'm not too late.
He powers up the X-wing again.
ARTOO
[subtitle: No fancy stuff this time, okay? My fuel cells aren't settled yet.]
They take off, headed for Quirm.
EXT - QUIRMISH FOREST
The Puzuma bikes zip between the legs of the Walkers, trying to avoid the blasters and the big stompy feet at the same time. The Walkers, meanwhile, are apparently trying to keep track of the Rebels, scuffing at the underbrush with their feet whenever a bike crosses near the appropriate airspace.
On the bike bearing the two Quirmish wizards, Tezz has stood up on the bike behind Skazz, holding onto Skazz with one hand for balance while trying to point his other hand, curled into the classic "hand gun" shape.
VIMES
The hell does he think he's doing?
A ball of white energy erupts from Tezz's pointing fingers [complete with gunlike recoil] and splatters on the cab of one of the Walkers.
LADY SYBIL
Shooting back, looks like.
She fires at Tezz's now-disoriented target, and it turns, takes two frantic steps, and trips over a fallen log.
As it falls, Angua, still trying to shake off her pursuer, barrels under Walker #1 moments before it crashes facefirst onto the forest floor. On impact, the hatch pops open, and a large purple rabbit in an Storm Trooper hops out helmet, tries to get its bearings, and skedaddles as Walker #2 stomps on and over Walker #1's metal carcass.
Walker #2 lands, looks around, and re-locates Angua. It fires at her--
--exploding the ground immediately under the tail of her bike, pinwheeling the bike into a tree and throwing her off--
--Just as Rincewind returns within view of the impending disaster. He looks around briefly, sees he is closest. He'd been hoping this wouldn't be the case.
RINCEWIND
Oh hell... You might wanna hang on, Ferdy. I've never done this before, and I can't guarantee anything.
Ferdy, curled in Rincewind's lap, whimpers, indicating his level of confidence in Rincewind's plan [abysmal] and hides his head in the front of the Jedi's robe. Rincewind mouths a small prayer to whomever still cared, and guns the bike forward.
[a.n.: This may get a bit complex, but please bear with me]
Angua regains her feet and begins running full-tilt away from the Walker, hoping to lose it--
--as the Walker takes aim at a tree ahead and to one side of her current trajectory and fires at the base--
--exploding the roots supporting one side of the huge plant, which starts to fall. Angua does not see the danger, even when--
RINCEWIND
[desperately screaming][echo] JUMP NOW, YOUR HIGHNESS! [/echo]
--advice which would seem absurd on its face, but she launches herself forward, apparently right into the path of the falling tree with hardly any room to spare--
--but a howling blur [acoustically, equal parts bike and Rincewind] scythes through the gap, taking Angua with it, leaving the Walker looking rather bewildered for an Imperial vehicle as the tree finishes crashing harmlessly to the ground. At the instant of the pickup, Rincewind lets out a bloodcurdling scream.
We do not immediately see the reason for the scream as the Jedi swings the bike around to a halt. What we do see is that Angua had wound up sitting on Rincewind's lap facing him, her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. This would probably seem more immediately beneficial to him were it not also clear that he is now obviously in considerable pain and has stuffed his knuckles into his mouth to keep from making any further sounds. The only clue to its cause is the fact that Ferdy is not readily visible.
RINCEWIND
[very strained] I knew this was a bad idea... I knew it...
Angua loosens her grip and looks at him with some concern. His eyes are watering now.
PRINCESS ANGUA
What is it? What's wrong?
RINCEWIND
[unthinking] You've landed *right* on my dragon.
Angua looks briefly shocked at the apparent euphemism.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Oh... I'm...
She scoots away from him to reveal that Ferdy had gotten trapped between them on impact and is now digging his claws into the Jedi's legs, dangerously close to the region she originally thought he was talking about in the first place. The little dragon hisses at her.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Oh! You meant Ferdy. I thought...
Ferdy blows a raspberry at Angua.
RINCEWIND
Of course I meant Ferdy - what did you think I meant?
There is an awkward pause. Angua is trying hard to keep a straight face. Then Rincewind gets it:
RINCEWIND
[reddening] Oh gods... you thought I meant...
They both start laughing, despite everything. Angua dismounts from her current position on the bike and remounts behind Rincewind. She pats him reassuringly on the shoulder.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Forget about it. Besides, the crew thought your rescue was cool, [to production crew] right lads?
There is a cheer from off-camera. Rincewind grins sheepishly.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Now come on - there's still two more of those things and our friends out there.
RINCEWIND
Um... right.
He revs the Puzuma bike as Angua puts her arms around his waist. They speed away in a shower of underbrush, and zip between the feet of the Walker who had been pursuing Angua. The Walker bends forward as they do so, peering between its feet and trying to track them, only to catch a rifle blast from Lady Sybil right in the tailpipe and overbalance. CRASH. Two down, one to go.
*****
End of Part 12.