Disclaimer: See Part 1.
*****
INT - STAR DESTROYER
A hallway at a T-junction, empty for maybe five seconds before the red phone booth appears in the middle of it. It sits there rather innocently until:
PRESTON [o.s.]
Dude! We found it!
Preston and Logan hurry up to the phone booth as the door folds open, and the Guy With Scarf steps out, looking mildly irritated at the two young Californians.
LOGAN
Scarf-dude!
Preston and Logan air-guitar at him, showing their happiness at his arrival.
GUY WITH SCARF
Yes. Well. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to find you? We aren't even in your home universe anymore!
Preston and Logan share a philosophical pause. It is clear that they are just now realising how wrong of a turn they made at Alberquerque, as it were.
PRESTON/ LOGAN [unison]
Dude.
GUY WITH SCARF
Actually, it's a miracle I was even able to follow you in your primitive time- travelling device. I had to rewire much of it. Now, William, Theodore, I expect you have managed to get yourselves in great trouble since we parted company.
Preston and Logan exchange a glance.
PRESTON
It totally wasn't our fault, Scarf-Dude--
GUY WITH SCARF
For the last time, call me the Doctor, please.
LOGAN
We showed up on this totally huge ship and this guy in totally cool black armour decided to get totally heinous and took away our - uh, your - phone booth.
THE DOCTOR [Guy With Scarf]
So... you don't know where it is?
PRESTON
Oh, we know where it is!
THE DOCTOR
Where?
PRESTON
Probably in some totally strong vault on the ship. I've seen lotsa movies like this.
The Doctor deflates slightly.
THE DOCTOR
Well, I can track it with this.
[brandishes a wand-like device that Doctor Who fans would recognise as a Sonic Screwdriver]
But first, we have work to do before we can go after it.
Preston and Logan join the Doctor in the red phone booth.
LOGAN
What kinda work?
THE DOCTOR
[flippant] Oh, just help save the world, that's all. [beat] I'm sure there's a beautiful princess somewhere in there.
PRESTON
Hey Ted, we get to rescue another princess-babe!
PRESTON/ LOGAN [unison]
EXCELLENT!
The Doctor looks a bit tired as he shuts the door on their air guitar. The red phone booth vanishes.
INT - VETINARI'S OFFICE
Bing-bing-bing-bingley-bing-bingley-bing.
Vetinari still hasn't managed to change the door chime, nor has he learned to tolerate it.
DARTH VETINARI
Yes what is it!
The door opens, and an officer sidles in. He salutes timidly at his fearless leader, and fidgets a bit until:
DARTH VETINARI
Report.
OFFICER
Um... she's stopped. In Quirm.
Vetinari looks up, and laces his fingers at the officer in an alarmingly casual manner.
DARTH VETINARI
Now, by 'stopped', do you *really* mean 'stopped', or do you mean 'paused'?
OFFICER
Sir?
DARTH VETINARI
There is, of course, a difference. If she has 'paused', then that means she is eating, or resting, and everything will soon be fine once she stops pausing. But if she has in fact 'stopped', then that means that something is slightly amiss. Perhaps very amiss. So... if you would be kind enough to clarify?
OFFICER
She's been pausing for a couple days, sir.
DARTH VETINARI
And what do our Quirmish operatives say about it?
OFFICER
Nothing, sir. They've been incommunicado since she arrived. We're not even getting a signal. We think the transmitter is destroyed.
DARTH VETINARI
By the guest of honour, perhaps?
OFFICER
Can't say, sir. Our last transmission sounded like a ship crashing or something.
DARTH VETINARI
Very well. Anything else?
OFFICER
The, uh, Walkers in the Quirmish Forest are destroyed. It might be related. And. Um. Nobody can find Teatime, sir.
Vetinari gives the officer a slow, contemplative blink.
DARTH VETINARI
He isn't exactly easy to miss.
OFFICER
That's what worries me. You always told us, keep a close eye out for Teatime, otherwise we'd be dead before we hit the floor. That's what you said. So, there was usually at least five of us who knew where he was at any given time.
DARTH VETINARI
And you've managed to lose him.
OFFICER
Yessir.
He looks as though there's a lot more about this particular scenario than he is willing to tell Vetinari.
DARTH VETINARI
Is there anything else?
OFFICER
No, sir.
DARTH VETINARI
Fine. Don't let me detain you from finding out what's happening in Quirm, of course. And... if you do find Teatime, be sure to sedate him heavily before bringing him to me.
The Officer salutes and exits.
INT - STAR DESTROYER - FORBIDDEN CHAMBER
The two Agatean guardians of the Death Egg recline in the dimmed fluorescent lights of the Chamber near the Egg cradle, apparently asleep. [btw, the blue phone booth still occupies the rear corner of the Chamber.] The Egg itself appears to glow softly in the dimness, outlining a vague shape within the shell which might be mistaken for shadows or mottling until the shape stirs, making a leathery rasping noise against the inside of the shell. Something hisses inside the Egg, then chirps.
The noise awakens one of the Egg Guardians [whose name is LOTUS BLOSSOM], and she sits up and rests one palm on the Egg. The hatchling moves, causing the Egg to stir in its cradle. Lotus Blossom nudges her sister, PRETTY BUTTERFLY, awake. They converse in Agatean, a fluid language that sounds similar to Chinese.
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean. Subtitle: Wake up, you lazy girl! The Egg awakes!]
Pretty Butterfly sits up drowsily, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: Oh, go back to sleep. You are dreaming.]
The hatchling chirps inside the Egg, ready to come out. Pretty Butterfly reacts in surprise.
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: It *is* awake!]
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean. Subtitle: It will hatch soon. Its mother will want to see her baby.]
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: If she still lives. And if we can escape.]
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean. Subtitle: Do not worry. Remember the story that Father told us of the Great Jedi Master [this phrase translates from what sounds like Obi-Wan Kenobi] who watched over him in his travels.]
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: That is just a story he told to make it sound better. The Great Jedi Master is probably just a legend.]
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean: Subtitle: Shut up, Pretty Butterfly. Your lack of faith is disturbing to me.]
Lotus Blossom strokes the Egg gently, humming a soothing melody to the baby dragon within. The dragonling croons in response, and starts to purr.
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: You know, in some of the villages, they call him Old Bologna Sandwich.] [The Agatean phrase for "Old Bologna Sandwich" sounds very similar to that for "Great Jedi Master".]
*****
End Part 14.
*****
INT - STAR DESTROYER
A hallway at a T-junction, empty for maybe five seconds before the red phone booth appears in the middle of it. It sits there rather innocently until:
PRESTON [o.s.]
Dude! We found it!
Preston and Logan hurry up to the phone booth as the door folds open, and the Guy With Scarf steps out, looking mildly irritated at the two young Californians.
LOGAN
Scarf-dude!
Preston and Logan air-guitar at him, showing their happiness at his arrival.
GUY WITH SCARF
Yes. Well. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to find you? We aren't even in your home universe anymore!
Preston and Logan share a philosophical pause. It is clear that they are just now realising how wrong of a turn they made at Alberquerque, as it were.
PRESTON/ LOGAN [unison]
Dude.
GUY WITH SCARF
Actually, it's a miracle I was even able to follow you in your primitive time- travelling device. I had to rewire much of it. Now, William, Theodore, I expect you have managed to get yourselves in great trouble since we parted company.
Preston and Logan exchange a glance.
PRESTON
It totally wasn't our fault, Scarf-Dude--
GUY WITH SCARF
For the last time, call me the Doctor, please.
LOGAN
We showed up on this totally huge ship and this guy in totally cool black armour decided to get totally heinous and took away our - uh, your - phone booth.
THE DOCTOR [Guy With Scarf]
So... you don't know where it is?
PRESTON
Oh, we know where it is!
THE DOCTOR
Where?
PRESTON
Probably in some totally strong vault on the ship. I've seen lotsa movies like this.
The Doctor deflates slightly.
THE DOCTOR
Well, I can track it with this.
[brandishes a wand-like device that Doctor Who fans would recognise as a Sonic Screwdriver]
But first, we have work to do before we can go after it.
Preston and Logan join the Doctor in the red phone booth.
LOGAN
What kinda work?
THE DOCTOR
[flippant] Oh, just help save the world, that's all. [beat] I'm sure there's a beautiful princess somewhere in there.
PRESTON
Hey Ted, we get to rescue another princess-babe!
PRESTON/ LOGAN [unison]
EXCELLENT!
The Doctor looks a bit tired as he shuts the door on their air guitar. The red phone booth vanishes.
INT - VETINARI'S OFFICE
Bing-bing-bing-bingley-bing-bingley-bing.
Vetinari still hasn't managed to change the door chime, nor has he learned to tolerate it.
DARTH VETINARI
Yes what is it!
The door opens, and an officer sidles in. He salutes timidly at his fearless leader, and fidgets a bit until:
DARTH VETINARI
Report.
OFFICER
Um... she's stopped. In Quirm.
Vetinari looks up, and laces his fingers at the officer in an alarmingly casual manner.
DARTH VETINARI
Now, by 'stopped', do you *really* mean 'stopped', or do you mean 'paused'?
OFFICER
Sir?
DARTH VETINARI
There is, of course, a difference. If she has 'paused', then that means she is eating, or resting, and everything will soon be fine once she stops pausing. But if she has in fact 'stopped', then that means that something is slightly amiss. Perhaps very amiss. So... if you would be kind enough to clarify?
OFFICER
She's been pausing for a couple days, sir.
DARTH VETINARI
And what do our Quirmish operatives say about it?
OFFICER
Nothing, sir. They've been incommunicado since she arrived. We're not even getting a signal. We think the transmitter is destroyed.
DARTH VETINARI
By the guest of honour, perhaps?
OFFICER
Can't say, sir. Our last transmission sounded like a ship crashing or something.
DARTH VETINARI
Very well. Anything else?
OFFICER
The, uh, Walkers in the Quirmish Forest are destroyed. It might be related. And. Um. Nobody can find Teatime, sir.
Vetinari gives the officer a slow, contemplative blink.
DARTH VETINARI
He isn't exactly easy to miss.
OFFICER
That's what worries me. You always told us, keep a close eye out for Teatime, otherwise we'd be dead before we hit the floor. That's what you said. So, there was usually at least five of us who knew where he was at any given time.
DARTH VETINARI
And you've managed to lose him.
OFFICER
Yessir.
He looks as though there's a lot more about this particular scenario than he is willing to tell Vetinari.
DARTH VETINARI
Is there anything else?
OFFICER
No, sir.
DARTH VETINARI
Fine. Don't let me detain you from finding out what's happening in Quirm, of course. And... if you do find Teatime, be sure to sedate him heavily before bringing him to me.
The Officer salutes and exits.
INT - STAR DESTROYER - FORBIDDEN CHAMBER
The two Agatean guardians of the Death Egg recline in the dimmed fluorescent lights of the Chamber near the Egg cradle, apparently asleep. [btw, the blue phone booth still occupies the rear corner of the Chamber.] The Egg itself appears to glow softly in the dimness, outlining a vague shape within the shell which might be mistaken for shadows or mottling until the shape stirs, making a leathery rasping noise against the inside of the shell. Something hisses inside the Egg, then chirps.
The noise awakens one of the Egg Guardians [whose name is LOTUS BLOSSOM], and she sits up and rests one palm on the Egg. The hatchling moves, causing the Egg to stir in its cradle. Lotus Blossom nudges her sister, PRETTY BUTTERFLY, awake. They converse in Agatean, a fluid language that sounds similar to Chinese.
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean. Subtitle: Wake up, you lazy girl! The Egg awakes!]
Pretty Butterfly sits up drowsily, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: Oh, go back to sleep. You are dreaming.]
The hatchling chirps inside the Egg, ready to come out. Pretty Butterfly reacts in surprise.
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: It *is* awake!]
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean. Subtitle: It will hatch soon. Its mother will want to see her baby.]
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: If she still lives. And if we can escape.]
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean. Subtitle: Do not worry. Remember the story that Father told us of the Great Jedi Master [this phrase translates from what sounds like Obi-Wan Kenobi] who watched over him in his travels.]
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: That is just a story he told to make it sound better. The Great Jedi Master is probably just a legend.]
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean: Subtitle: Shut up, Pretty Butterfly. Your lack of faith is disturbing to me.]
Lotus Blossom strokes the Egg gently, humming a soothing melody to the baby dragon within. The dragonling croons in response, and starts to purr.
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[Agatean. Subtitle: You know, in some of the villages, they call him Old Bologna Sandwich.] [The Agatean phrase for "Old Bologna Sandwich" sounds very similar to that for "Great Jedi Master".]
*****
End Part 14.