Hermione:
I saw that bloody idiot, Fake-O Barf-boy run out of the grand hall clutching at some hideously feminine book. What a true loser-at-heart. I hope he trips on his face and breaks that bloody precious nose of his that he pats incessantly and is so over-protective of.
IT IS JUST A NOSE, MORON!
Dracojerk is so conceited, it makes my blood crawl. Honestly, he spends more time in front of the mirror than I do with my books. Holy Shit, that must be quite an 'accomplishment' for a boy.
Ron:
I saw Hermione get this misty look over the Albino. Oh man, I'ma pound him if Hermione has any feelings for him, other than hatred…coz it would probably be potion induced. But she's still into that big bulky cow, Krum the wenchface. I can pull a better Wronski Feint any day, let me tell you.
I wonder when the food's gonna appear. I really hate it when it's late. Ahhh! My stomach is grumbling! I'm gonna die!!!!!
Harry:
Stupid Ball-less Albino Ferret Boy just stormed out of the eaters rubbing his nose like he had some type of rash. What a dumbass. You have no idea what I would give to stomp his brains out…beat the crap out of his shallow Blondie head…slam that fluffy head into a wa-…Crap. Got to calm down. Breathe in, breathe out. In, out. In, out.
Must repeat mantra "will not hurt human ferret".
Wait a second… Rogiir Chartreause, Jerk-off of the Millennium, is glaring at me again. Honestly. Just because Gryffindor beat Hufflepuff again gives the loser no right to stare-glare at me for hours upon hours!
Gross! Chartreuse is drooling! Crap…he's coming over…
Draco:
Hahahahahahahhaahahaha. That inane Poity Toity has a new fan! Not that I condone Potter fans. Definitely not. Actually, this time it'll be quite fun. You know why? No? I didn't think so either.
Chartreuse'll be hitting on Potter so aggressively by 11 p.m. that the famous Pothead'll be wishing that he was being hit by a bludger instead! Hah!! And all of it is courtesy of some potion that I made while Snape wasn't looking. Said potion was poured into Chartreuse's goblet.
"Magical Love Potion #9." It was painfully easy to make, although Potter and Weasley probably wouldn't be able to make it without Hermey-Herpes' help.
Oh. I also forgot to mention that Goyle 'accidentally' slipped some of the potion into Potter's cup, too. Woo hoo! Soon the two blazing fruits'll be locked up in some cabinet or another…gag…maybe this potion wasn't such a good idea….
But, hey! Perfect! It's going right to plan! Potter and Chartreuse are walking towards one another. I can feel the looney tunes' love night!
I was just about to kick back and gloat when I caught a whiff of "Eau de Stinky Half-Assed Mudblood". GAG! SNORT!!! What are purebloods to do nowadays????? This is genocide I tell you!
Hermione:
When I saw White-as-soy Malfoy giggling, I swear, giggling like Cameron Diaz (most girly-girl ever), I knew that something was up.
"Greasehead, you're dead," I muttered, "Visariam!"
Oh joy. I could see into Slimeball's head! It was so, so, so…shallow! He's about as deep as my 3-year old cousin's kiddie pool!
'Girls, girls, girls, heh heh, poity toity is screwed…Chartreuse and Hairy-Boy will be feeling the after effects of my love-potion any minute now…'
Great Scotty-flecked T.P.!! What are Harry and Rogiir doing?
Good Lord…why are they hugging? And kissing? Holy Kalafel! This is Code 9!
Well, as Harry's best friend and better brain, I knew that I had to do something. I also knew, from page 647, section 52, paragraph 90, sentence 43 in Great Spells of Our Time, written by Horn E. Dog, that love spells could only be taken off by the scum that had the gall to cast them. If Malfarret didn't un-cast his spell, then let's just say that he'd be stuck un-casting his You-Know-Where.
"Malfoy. Out. Now, before I make your already puny manhood become the size of a raisin."
Ferret's face turned an interesting shade of red. Chartreuse, perhaps??
"Yyy-yy-yyou wouldn't d-dd-dare m-mm-mudb-bblood!" Rake-o-Draco stuttered so bad that he looked like a chipmunk trying to grind walnuts with his teeth.
"Just try me bucko." His face blanched. "One wrong move and Mr. Manhood permanently becomes Mr. 'Toy for Tots'."
"What do you want me to do???"
Ha, I already had an edge.
"Take the love spell off of Harry and Rogiir. NOW."
Malformed felt up his pockets (interesting, must have been a seasoned veteran, seeing as how no one except for Pansy would do it for him) and finally produced his wand.
"Extractus Falsis Amour!" he mumbled.
I could definitely see that it was my mission to bring Malferret down. Like George Washington and the Colonists, I had a big duty- to overcome the evil powers from across the ocean!
Ron:
Huh...what were Harry and Rogiir doing? It couldn't have been healthy…Man, Hermione looks really, well, flattering…I can't very well say "hot", now can I?? Coz I have to watch out for her. After all, Mum said that it was my duty to be her loyal "big brother" type fellow. And Lavender wants me to "find Hermione a good man."
Crap. Here comes Lavender. On the warpath, none the less.
Malfoy:
Dumb woman. Ruined my fun!!! How could she dare to threaten my package???
{Duh, because she could!}
Who was that?
{Your conscience, you big dumb dildo.}
Why thank you for the compliment.
{Idiot.} This voice was beginning to irritate me. Just who the hell did it think it was anyways??
{Your conscience, dipshit!!}
Oh. So?
{Study harder and you will be able to beat that mudblood.}
No. Studying is on the top of my THINGS I WILL NEVER DO BECAUSE I AM TOO RICH AND HOT list.
{Bullshit. Granger's not bad looking and she studies like there'll be no tomorrow. But you, my boy…}
SHUT UP! Granger doesn't even equal me!! She may be somewhat good looking (I admitted grudgingly), but I'm DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS!
Thus, I shoveled dinner into my mouth, and left, accompanied by my usual airheaded entourage of girls.
Harry:
TOUCHDOWN! Chartreuse stopped staring at me! By the way, what was going on back there?? Now, half of the Great Hall is staring at me, and some of the Gryffindors even look shell-shocked.
Hermione:
SCORE! Chartreuse and Harry stopped…erm, making out! Now, just to get back at everyone's favorite Slime-ball…
Author: Woo hoo. If I was J.K. Rowling, do you think I'd be writing a "fanfiction"?
Review button….You know that deep down inside you want to review…coz how else am I supposed to know what you want Draco and Hermion to do???