Disclaimers: See Part 1.
*****
EXT - QUIRM
Imperial fighters are now closing on Quirm, which currently appears eerily deserted. The only evidence of Alliance occupation are the two wrecked vessels on the trashed courtyard. Even the Dragon is missing.
IMPERIAL PILOT #1 [radio]
Man, what a bust. This place is a ghost town.
IMPERIAL PILOT #2 [radio]
Yeah - how hard can it be for a 200-foot-long dragon to hide, anyway?
IMPERIAL PILOT #1 [radio]
What - you want her to pop up and try to mate with your ship or something? That'd be something to tell the grandkids later on, mark my words.
IMPERIAL PILOT #2 [radio]
Oh, gods - I just had dinner, too!
There is general laughter over the radio.
As they draw closer, we see a lone figure standing on the crown of the Ivory Tower, holding something roughly the size and shape of a basketball under one arm.
It is, in fact, Ponder, wearing a strange harness and a cloak that appears to be made out of silver weather-balloon material. He has a swamp dragon under his arm, and he looks as though the lightest tap on the shoulder would cause one or both of them to detonate. Even so, he stays where he is, watching the fleet draw closer, waiting for the right moment for the signal--
PONDER STIBBONS
[screaming at top of lungs] MUSIC WITH ROCKS IN, LADS!
--and with that he flings himself off the Tower, leaving his pointy hat behind on the breeze. The Dragon rears up her head and roars, sounding rather like an air raid siren, and generally discombobulating the incoming Imperial fleet.
As Ponder falls, he tucks the swamp dragon under his arm and yanks a ripcord on the harness, triggering his silver cape to unfold into a batlike hang-glider, the wings of which swiftly catch the air, allowing him to soar upwards and towards the enemy fighters. Behind him and below him, from the many windows of the Tower, two dozen or so other Quirmish scholars - most of whom appear to have migrated from various wizarding universities, to judge by the general robed-ness of the lot - leap out and activate their own gliders. A handful ride flying brooms and, to judge by their additional gear and padding, appear ready to play full-contact Quidditch.
Other devices now flying towards the Imperial forces include huge ornithopters manned by Quirmish civilians - two or three per thopter - and whirlybird helicopters [such as can be found in some of the Da Vinci sketches], likewise with three-man crews. The flying machines of all shapes swarm up to meet the higher technology of the Empire, blasting the fighters with dragonfire and dropping crockery filled with alchemical explosives onto their wings.
And of course, there is the matter of the Dragon - who swoops over the main square at the enemy forces. Presently, she snaps up an enemy ship in her jaws like an iguana snapping up a large dragonfly. Clearly she has decided that she doesn't like the Empire.
On the ground, it appears the older Rebels have declined to participate in the Quirmish Air Force - opting instead to lead the ground-to-air attack, pouring out of the buildings at Ponder's signal to hit the Empire back first. At the front edge of the resistance forces we have the trolls - one of whom is obviously female and is currently dressed like a very large Xena [remember Ruby?] - with their various weapons of mass splatting - ballistas, siege engines, and even large stones flung by hand at the fighter ships.
The dwarves, not wanting to be outdone by the trolls, have brought out their own ingenious devices - catapults loaded with Greek fire [Tsortean fire?], fire engines [like large swamp dragons on wheels but slightly less explody], and even a giant slingshot whose purpose appears to be launching dwarves with well-made handaxes onto the ships themselves. Seeing a frothing dwarf about to swing a mithral axe at one's windscreen tends to lower one's morale, after all - along with reducing general visibility.
INT - IVORY TOWER
Threepio approaches a door and knocks politely.
PONDER THREEPIO
Your Majesty?
PRINCESS ANGUA [within]
Go away. I'm busy.
PONDER THREEPIO
I suspect you're getting ready to join the battle, and I'm going to advise you against it.
There is a pause.
PRINCESS ANGUA [within]
Why not?
PONDER THREEPIO
May I come in?
She sighs.
PRINCESS ANGUA [within]
I suppose.
The door opens, and the protocol droid enters.
The Princess is in a silk bathrobe, sitting on the edge of the bed. Arranged on the bed are pieces of armour - apparently hers.
He crosses the room to stand genteelly in front of her. There is a pregnant pause, the sound of a subject waiting to be breached. Something explodes distantly outside, and the tower shakes.
PRINCESS ANGUA
So - explain to me why the Princess of Uberwald is not allowed to go and fight if she wants to?
PONDER THREEPIO
As you well know, the throne of Uberwald is the oldest in living memory, starting with--
PRINCESS ANGUA
Skip the history lesson. I'm really not in the mood.
PONDER THREEPIO
It is also the only line that has survived the rising of the Empire intact. If we win this battle, the Disc will need to be politically rebuilt, and I can say in all probability that only a royal heir will be able to do that.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Well, what if I don't want to be a princess?
Threepio tilts his head.
PONDER THREEPIO
Why in the world would - [the light dawns] This is about Master Carrot, isn't it?
She looks at him in such a way that makes it clear that it is.
PRINCESS ANGUA
The Disc is run by a tyrant, social order is in tatters, we might all die, and I can't marry the man I love because he doesn't have the right pedigree!
PONDER THREEPIO
So, you plan to throw yourself into a hazardous situation to spite the customs of elitism?
PRINCESS ANGUA
A queen of Djelibeybi once declared herself legally male because they only allowed men on the throne. I can declare myself legally common.
There is a baffled pause.
PONDER THREEPIO
The logic behind that is... just... have you been speaking with the Ephebean philosophers? Listen to me, Your Majesty... Persephone has told me that she's pursuing a lead in the Ivory Tower's records - one that she thinks is especially promising. I don't know what she means, but she said you would.
There is a glimmer of hope in Angua's eyes.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Thanks for the update, Threepio... I'm feeling a little better right now.
PONDER THREEPIO
Is there anything else you require?
PRINCESS ANGUA
I could use a hug.
PONDER THREEPIO
I'm not programmed to offer emotional comfort, Your Majesty... besides, I wasn't designed to be especially cuddly.
Just then, we hear something careen into the side of the tower. Threepio, acting on a line of contingency programming, automatically dives as the something crashes through, and a cloud of plaster dust envelops him and the Princess. When it clear, the wing of a ship has nearly bisected the room, sticking through where Angua would have been had Threepio not hauled her to the ground and shielded her with himself. The are both covered in dust and debris. Angua coughs.
PONDER THREEPIO
Are you all right?
PRINCESS ANGUA
[sotto] Marvel of Quirmish architecture my ass... [aloud] Yes, I'm okay.
He helps her back to her feet.
PRINCESS ANGUA
I'm serious, Threepio - right now I don't know what I'd do without you.
She hugs the droid. After an awkward pause, he mimics the gesture.
PONDER THREEPIO
[faithfully] One is happy to serve, Your Majesty.
*****
End Part 18.
*****
EXT - QUIRM
Imperial fighters are now closing on Quirm, which currently appears eerily deserted. The only evidence of Alliance occupation are the two wrecked vessels on the trashed courtyard. Even the Dragon is missing.
IMPERIAL PILOT #1 [radio]
Man, what a bust. This place is a ghost town.
IMPERIAL PILOT #2 [radio]
Yeah - how hard can it be for a 200-foot-long dragon to hide, anyway?
IMPERIAL PILOT #1 [radio]
What - you want her to pop up and try to mate with your ship or something? That'd be something to tell the grandkids later on, mark my words.
IMPERIAL PILOT #2 [radio]
Oh, gods - I just had dinner, too!
There is general laughter over the radio.
As they draw closer, we see a lone figure standing on the crown of the Ivory Tower, holding something roughly the size and shape of a basketball under one arm.
It is, in fact, Ponder, wearing a strange harness and a cloak that appears to be made out of silver weather-balloon material. He has a swamp dragon under his arm, and he looks as though the lightest tap on the shoulder would cause one or both of them to detonate. Even so, he stays where he is, watching the fleet draw closer, waiting for the right moment for the signal--
PONDER STIBBONS
[screaming at top of lungs] MUSIC WITH ROCKS IN, LADS!
--and with that he flings himself off the Tower, leaving his pointy hat behind on the breeze. The Dragon rears up her head and roars, sounding rather like an air raid siren, and generally discombobulating the incoming Imperial fleet.
As Ponder falls, he tucks the swamp dragon under his arm and yanks a ripcord on the harness, triggering his silver cape to unfold into a batlike hang-glider, the wings of which swiftly catch the air, allowing him to soar upwards and towards the enemy fighters. Behind him and below him, from the many windows of the Tower, two dozen or so other Quirmish scholars - most of whom appear to have migrated from various wizarding universities, to judge by the general robed-ness of the lot - leap out and activate their own gliders. A handful ride flying brooms and, to judge by their additional gear and padding, appear ready to play full-contact Quidditch.
Other devices now flying towards the Imperial forces include huge ornithopters manned by Quirmish civilians - two or three per thopter - and whirlybird helicopters [such as can be found in some of the Da Vinci sketches], likewise with three-man crews. The flying machines of all shapes swarm up to meet the higher technology of the Empire, blasting the fighters with dragonfire and dropping crockery filled with alchemical explosives onto their wings.
And of course, there is the matter of the Dragon - who swoops over the main square at the enemy forces. Presently, she snaps up an enemy ship in her jaws like an iguana snapping up a large dragonfly. Clearly she has decided that she doesn't like the Empire.
On the ground, it appears the older Rebels have declined to participate in the Quirmish Air Force - opting instead to lead the ground-to-air attack, pouring out of the buildings at Ponder's signal to hit the Empire back first. At the front edge of the resistance forces we have the trolls - one of whom is obviously female and is currently dressed like a very large Xena [remember Ruby?] - with their various weapons of mass splatting - ballistas, siege engines, and even large stones flung by hand at the fighter ships.
The dwarves, not wanting to be outdone by the trolls, have brought out their own ingenious devices - catapults loaded with Greek fire [Tsortean fire?], fire engines [like large swamp dragons on wheels but slightly less explody], and even a giant slingshot whose purpose appears to be launching dwarves with well-made handaxes onto the ships themselves. Seeing a frothing dwarf about to swing a mithral axe at one's windscreen tends to lower one's morale, after all - along with reducing general visibility.
INT - IVORY TOWER
Threepio approaches a door and knocks politely.
PONDER THREEPIO
Your Majesty?
PRINCESS ANGUA [within]
Go away. I'm busy.
PONDER THREEPIO
I suspect you're getting ready to join the battle, and I'm going to advise you against it.
There is a pause.
PRINCESS ANGUA [within]
Why not?
PONDER THREEPIO
May I come in?
She sighs.
PRINCESS ANGUA [within]
I suppose.
The door opens, and the protocol droid enters.
The Princess is in a silk bathrobe, sitting on the edge of the bed. Arranged on the bed are pieces of armour - apparently hers.
He crosses the room to stand genteelly in front of her. There is a pregnant pause, the sound of a subject waiting to be breached. Something explodes distantly outside, and the tower shakes.
PRINCESS ANGUA
So - explain to me why the Princess of Uberwald is not allowed to go and fight if she wants to?
PONDER THREEPIO
As you well know, the throne of Uberwald is the oldest in living memory, starting with--
PRINCESS ANGUA
Skip the history lesson. I'm really not in the mood.
PONDER THREEPIO
It is also the only line that has survived the rising of the Empire intact. If we win this battle, the Disc will need to be politically rebuilt, and I can say in all probability that only a royal heir will be able to do that.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Well, what if I don't want to be a princess?
Threepio tilts his head.
PONDER THREEPIO
Why in the world would - [the light dawns] This is about Master Carrot, isn't it?
She looks at him in such a way that makes it clear that it is.
PRINCESS ANGUA
The Disc is run by a tyrant, social order is in tatters, we might all die, and I can't marry the man I love because he doesn't have the right pedigree!
PONDER THREEPIO
So, you plan to throw yourself into a hazardous situation to spite the customs of elitism?
PRINCESS ANGUA
A queen of Djelibeybi once declared herself legally male because they only allowed men on the throne. I can declare myself legally common.
There is a baffled pause.
PONDER THREEPIO
The logic behind that is... just... have you been speaking with the Ephebean philosophers? Listen to me, Your Majesty... Persephone has told me that she's pursuing a lead in the Ivory Tower's records - one that she thinks is especially promising. I don't know what she means, but she said you would.
There is a glimmer of hope in Angua's eyes.
PRINCESS ANGUA
Thanks for the update, Threepio... I'm feeling a little better right now.
PONDER THREEPIO
Is there anything else you require?
PRINCESS ANGUA
I could use a hug.
PONDER THREEPIO
I'm not programmed to offer emotional comfort, Your Majesty... besides, I wasn't designed to be especially cuddly.
Just then, we hear something careen into the side of the tower. Threepio, acting on a line of contingency programming, automatically dives as the something crashes through, and a cloud of plaster dust envelops him and the Princess. When it clear, the wing of a ship has nearly bisected the room, sticking through where Angua would have been had Threepio not hauled her to the ground and shielded her with himself. The are both covered in dust and debris. Angua coughs.
PONDER THREEPIO
Are you all right?
PRINCESS ANGUA
[sotto] Marvel of Quirmish architecture my ass... [aloud] Yes, I'm okay.
He helps her back to her feet.
PRINCESS ANGUA
I'm serious, Threepio - right now I don't know what I'd do without you.
She hugs the droid. After an awkward pause, he mimics the gesture.
PONDER THREEPIO
[faithfully] One is happy to serve, Your Majesty.
*****
End Part 18.